The Extra Smashy Amazing Race: Season Two
by Ripper22
Summary: Season Two! 11 teams set out on a quest around the world! Action, humor and crack! In the double length finale, the remaining teams finally return to Smashville, where the whole race began. Once there, they find themselves in a desperate three-way battle for the million. There are three teams but only one team can win. WHO WILL WIN THE MILLION? COMPLETE.
1. I Wanna Boat Called the Frat Mobile too!

_The Extra Smashy Amazing Race: Season Two  
By: Ripper22_

_Leg1: (double-length) I wanna boat called the frat mobile too!_

"Welcome, to the Second season of the amazing show, The Extra Smashy Amazing Race!" greeted Koopa Troopa, the host. "I am standing in the football stadium for Smashville Middle school, where the first Season race had ended! From here in front of the Smashers' Mansion, 11 NEW teams of two will embark on an amazing quest around the world!

"Each team has a pre-race relationship, knowing each other for at least 3 years! Limousines are transporting the Eleven teams here, which will be here any minute! The teams will appear in order of when they signed up for the race."

The first team stepped out, and Koopa began explaining them.

"_Captain Falcon and Ganondorf, cousins and longtime Fraternity Brothers!" _

**Captain Falcon and Ganondorf**

"We are frats and we want to disprove all the frat stereotypes," explained Ganondorf as he tried to get comfortable. "And we don't really drink beer and alcohol too often, we-"

"WHADDYA MEAN THIS SOUP IS FIFTEEN GREENBACKS?!" yelled Falcon, outraged, clearly intoxicated.

"…And we also never frequently drive under the influence…" said Ganondorf, trying to not embarrass his team.

"YEAH…WE DON'T…WE ONLY DO IT SOMETIMES" snickered Falcon.

"And we have not said 'bro' or 'dude' like a thousand times…" grunted Ganondorf, holding in his temper.

"WE SAY IT A BILLLLLLION TIMES!!1" howled Falcon, chuckling heartily at his joke.

Ganondorf glared at Falcon angrily.

"What?" asked Falcon.

"_Marth and Ike, Altean Soldier swordsmen from the distant land of Altea!" said Koopa, stumbling over the tongue twister. _

**Marth and Ike **

"We are…swordsmen…" said Marth. "I'm Marth, and this is Mike-"

"Ike," corrected Ike.

"Like, and we're Alteans." continued Marth. "We-"

"No no, _Ike_." Coughed Ike annoyingly.

"Sure Larry, sure. Anyways, we're from Altea, a Japanese co-"

"It's Ike!" yelled Ike. "And Larry doesn't even rhyme you idiot!"

"Just shut up and nod," threatened Marth.

"Oh yeah?" asked Ike.

"Yeah," replied Marth.

They fisticuffed.

"_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, Uncle and Nephew apes from Kong Isle!" said Koopa._

**Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong **

"We're monkeys." said Donkey Kong dully, "But that's not going to stop us from winning! I came Last Place last Season, but I won't this time! I brought my little nephew along for the ride!"

"I LIKE BANANNAS!" screamed a hyperactive Diddy Kong.

"He's…a little hyper, but he is a cool nephew!" Said D.K., slightly embarrassed. "We like going on hikes, we like climbing, painting, and-"

"WE WIN MILLION DOLLARS!" yelled Diddy Kong.

"We're going to lose." sobbed Donkey.

"_Kirby and King Dedede, Longtime Rivals from Dreamland," explained Koopa. _

**Kirby and King Dedede **

"We are from Dreamland, yeah," nodded King Dedede, rubbing his belly. "And we plan on proving myself to be the best out of these weird teams!"

"Ourselves," corrected Kirby.

"After all, I'm Dedede, the best ya see!" Continued Dedede. "…And I am ruler of Dreamland!"

"Fine, whatever," replied Kirby, even more annoyed.

"…And I make the calls!" cackled Dedede evilly, rubbing his hands together.

"Woah woah woah, when did I agree to _That_?" Asked Kirby angrily.

"Papers," smiled Dedede, waving a document in the puffballs' face.

Kirby inspected it closer.

"That's…a brochure…" said Kirby, confused.

"But look what's on it!" said Dedede, pointing to a messy signature, reading 'KiRby'.

"Hey! I remember! I was high when I signed this! Cheapskate!" said Kirby furiously.

King Dedede cackled. "I'm in control now!" he laughed.

Kirby ripped the brochure in half.

"Awww…" whimpered Dedede.

"_Roy and Snake, Father and Son!" Exclaimed Koopa. "Both have not been with each other's lives for about 21 years!"_

**Roy and Snake **

"We had gone through most of our lives, not seeing each other," explained Roy, sadly, "So we thought this race would bring us together more after not being in each other's lives for about 20 years!"

_A shot of Roy and Snake playing 'Exploding Football'._

"Yep, that's m' dad, Roy Snake!" said Snake happily.

"Roy Snake? Is Snake your last name?" asked Koopa.

"Sure, 'Solid Snake'!" grinned Solid Snake.

"Yeah, yeah whatever." dismissed Koopa.

"And so we think we can form a bond between the two of us!" finished Roy. "We hope to win this money and be closer than ever before!"

"Aw shucks, I'll be happy to have you even without the money!" cried Snake.

…

"Really?" asked Roy.

"Not really." Confessed Snake.

"_Ness and Pikachu, Best Friends and Roommates!" said Koopa the host._

**Ness and Pikachu **

"Hi, I'm Ness and this is Pikachu my bestest Friend!" Said Ness, holding up a stuffed animal that was a Pikachu. "We're cool!"

"That's…a stuffed animal…" Said Koopa, confused.

"Ha ha, you jest! This is my pal!" Said Ness, hugging the stuffed animal.

"How on earth would this slip up…" Mused Koopa.

"We're planning to sneak a victory or two from the others! Because we're awesome and yeah!" Continued Ness.

"Is this even legal?!" Asked Koopa, picking up something.

"And so we're confident we're going to win against these other saps!" Laughed Ness loudly.

"This has to be breaking some sort of law…" Said Koopa, shifting through the rule book from Master Hand.

"So that's our opinion!" Finished Ness.

Ness' POV

"Nice speech," Commented Pikachu, giving Ness the thumbs up.

"Thanks!" Said Ness, patting Pikachu.

Normal POV

"Who the heck are you talking to?" Asked Koopa in annoyance.

"Pikachu, you dunce! Who else?" Snapped Ness.

"He's…a stuffed animal…" Sighed Koopa.

"He's not!" Cried Ness.

"_Samus and Falco, Flight Attendants for the airport Tallon IV airlines!" said Koopa._

**Samus and Falco **

"We are close friends and know one another very well!" said Falco. "We can easily identify one another, even a mile away!"

"Good analogy, Squirtle!" complimented Samus, patting Falco.

"I'm Falco…" said Falco.

"Right, and I'm the Chrysler Tower!" laughed Samus.

"Anyways, we are Flight Attendants, so we know more about flights than any other team around here! This may throw us up to the very top of the pack." analogized Falco. "Look out teams, here's the real competition!"

"You said it, Squirtle!"

"It's Falco!" Yelled Falco.

"_Fox and Wolf, Mortal Enemies from the Lylat System!" said Koopa. "Both have been rivals for about 11 years! Fox McCloud ages about 29 years old!"_

**Fox and Wolf **

"Hi, I'm Fox and this is Wolf, my bestest fwiend!" said Fox in an annoyingly high-pitched voice that made you want to die.

"What the hell?! I'm not your friend, for the 92nd time in eleven years!" yelled Wolf, hitting Fox.

"But…but what about that time you and me-"

"I was drunk then, nothing else." Shushed Wolf, kicking Fox.

"…Made o-"

"Made oxen? Ha, ha, very funny, Fox!" laughed Wolf very loud.

"Why are you denying it? We were like totally in lo-"

"Lo…Loathe? I know, we truly hate one another!" said Wolf, once again changing the subject. "_Remember,_ Fox? We _Hated_ one another!" continued Wolf, winking at Fox.

"Oohhh," said Fox. "We're supposed to deny that we're going o-" Wolf coughed loudly. "I mean, yeah, we reeeally hate one another. Really."

"Yeah, and we intend to beat each other up, between every leg." Said Wolf.

"Don't you mean, you'll try to get into my pants after every le-"

"JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" screamed Wolf, slitting Fox's throat quickly.

"_Mewtwo and Lucario, Psychic Twin Brothers, also Lawyer Students!" said Koopa._

**Mewtwo and Lucario **

"We're Twin Brothers," sighed Lucario, watching his younger brother fidget. "Both studying to become lawyers."

"I hate my mean, nasty ol' brother! He tries to hurt me and-" Protested Mewtwo immaturely to the camera.

"Just shut up now and save yourself the humiliation," snapped Lucario.

"Jus' because you're five whole minutes older than me doesn't mean you're in charge!" cried Mewtwo, bursting into tears.

"So yeah, as you just witnessed, my little brother is very immature," groaned Lucario. "This may hurt our placing…"

"What about you smoking and drinking?" interrupted Mewtwo. "Wouldn't that affect us?"

"Our bodies, yes." Said Lucario averting to changing the topic.

"Are you gonna beat me again?" asked Mewtwo, hoping to not be hit.

"I don't beat you." Explained Lucario.

"Oh yeah," said Mewtwo.

"_The team, Link and Yoshi, experienced Lawyers from Hyrule!" said Koopa Troopa._

**Link and Yoshi**

"We're lawyers," explained Yoshi to the camera, "But we're not leeches or what people expect from lawyers. We're actually carefree, friendly gentlemen."

"And we're not liars or crooks!" said Link, overly smiling. "We'd never commit such a thing!"

"Hey," said one person in the production crew, interrupting their interview. "Do you know where the bathroom is?"

"Uhhh…that way." Lied Link, pointing in the wrong direction.

Before the man walked off, Yoshi ran up to him and said, "Here's our card if you need lawyers!"

"Thanks!" said the man, Link pick pocketing the man before he left.

"Wow." Said Koopa angrily, "How stupid can you get?" Koopa cut them off.

"_Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Classmates and close friends!" said Koopa. "Both are enrolled at the school Red Middle School!"_

**Toon Link and Jigglypuff **

"We're classmates, whoop-de-do," said Jigglypuff, sighing angrily as she turned away from Toon Link.

"She's upset right now, you just ignore her. We are bold, intrepid, awesome classmates, willing-"

"We aren't bold, we ran away from that bear one time," reminded Jigglypuff, licking the blood dripping from her tiny wrist.

"…to fight our way to the top, and maybe even win the million!" said Toon Link.

"Actually, comparing us to the other teams, we appear to be one of the weaker teams that is gonna fail in the first few legs," said Jigglypuff, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"…And we will place high!" said Toon Link. "The other teams will believe it, because they know we're awesome!"

"I have calculated the totals, and according to this we probably won't get better than maybe eighth…" said Jigglypuff.

"Will you let me finish our interview?!" asked Toon Link angrily.

"So yeah, we're pretty much cool, we hang out and-"

"Are you kidding me? We barely do anything other than reading comic books in our tent, out in your backyard of your house." Corrected Jigglypuff.

"Aaaaa!" screamed Toon Link as he hit Jigglypuff.

_Koopa Troopa  
The Host_

"How will these 11 teams react to one another and their own team mates as they go on their amazing quest around the world? Their journey may take just about as long as a whole month!" said Koopa. "Which team will manage to beat the others, and win the _**one million dollar prize**_? All of these questions will be answered on…The Extra Smashy Amazing Race!"

**The Teams:**

Captain Falcon and Ganondorf (_Fraternity Brothers_)

Marth and Ike (_Altean Swordsmen_)

Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong (_Uncle and Nephew_)

Kirby and King Dedede (_Longtime Enemies_)

Roy and Snake (_Father and Son_)

Ness and Pikachu (_Best Friends_)

Samus and Falco (_Flight Attendants_)

Fox and Wolf (_Mortal Enemies_)

Mewtwo and Lucario (_Twin Brothers_)

Link and Yoshi (_Lawyers_)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (_Students_)

_Smash Mansion, Smashville  
Starting Line_

"Welcome, teams!" Greeted Koopa, the twelve teams all lined up on the starting line. "In just a few minutes, you eleven lucky teams will be racing around the world! Now, there are eleven legs in this grand race, and at the end of each leg is a pit stop! Nine of these pit stops are elimination points, so you need to hurry to them as fast as you can, because if you are last, you _**will **_be eliminated!"

The camera panned on several different teams, whom stared at the host of the show.

"Now, your first clue is on top of the luggage you have brought, and when I give you the signal, you can run over and grab your bags and take off in one of those eleven taxis lined up in the Mansion's Front yard!" Koopa continued. "And, the first team to cross the finish line after twelve whole, legs, will win _**One Million Dollars!**_"

Everyone clapped and cheered.

"The world is waiting for you…" Sang Koopa.

Everyone stared at him weirdly.

"Sorry. And, travel safe…"

More camera angles played.

"_**GO!**_" Yelled Koopa.

He stood there as the twelve teams ran by him in a hurry to get to the taxis first.

**RACE START  
8:00 AM**

Some teams pushed and shoved ahead of the others, and one contestant tripped, and the others behind him tripped over him.

A huge fight was starting to occur.

Some teams that weren't in the fight slipped off towards the bags.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Whew, we barely missed that one!" chuckled Kirby as he reached the bags, completely unharmed.

"Go buy some tickets from the local airport to Delfino Island," read Kirby slightly bored.

"_Teams must now make their way to the local airport and buy tickets to Isle Delfino, the island Mario once went to and had a strange vacation!" said Koopa. "Once teams arrive on the airstrip, they will go by boat to the mainland and find their next clue near the Pianta Statue!"_

"Hurry, I can see about three other teams coming here!" said King Dedede in alarm.

"No need to rush you jerkhead," said Kirby angrily.

"That was uncalled for," grunted King Dedede.

"Maybe you started it," said Kirby cynically.

"Actually, it was you," explained King Dedede.

"Shut up!" said Kirby.

"See why I don't like him?" they said at the same time.

"Hurry boy, the teams are coming!" said King Dedede jokingly, poking the puffball.

"Shut up!" said Kirby angrily, slapping the penguin's belly.

King Dedede smiled dumbly, not feeling a thing.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We've gotten a head start!" said Marth happily.

"Concentrate ahead, not behind." Said Ike wisely.

"Oh silly Ike and your lines," laughed Marth.

Ike stared angrily at Marth.

"What?!" asked Marth angrily.

"Maybe we shouldn't have fought with the other teams!" Explained Marth as he kicked away the last Place team. "We're second now!"

"Just be quiet and keep running," Snapped Ike, trying to hold in his temper.

"I mean, after all, we are in a Race you know…"

"Shut up!" Screamed Ike, attacking Marth.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Falcon open!" commanded Captain Falcon, ripping open the first clue.

"Must you do that for everything?!" asked Ganondorf annoyed.

"Why of course, it's my signature move!" said Falcon suave.

"Saying Falcon, then a verb? That's your signature?" asked Ganondorf.

"Ah hahahaha, silly Ganon, must you question everything?" asked Falcon.

"Yes," replied Ganondorf in a trance. "I must have all the knowledge about you, so I can eventually manipulate you and then slowly annihilate you."

"…ah," said Falcon, raising the beer bottle in self-defense over Ganondorf.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Wow, we beat a whole lot of teams on that starting dash!" Commented Ness as he hopped on the driver's seat. "We're about fifth, I reckon."

"Just concentrate on the road, will you?" Said Pikachu. "I see more teams coming!"

"Okay!" Said Ness.

He stared at the road.

"No, no, _drive_!" Said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh!" Laughed Ness, starting the car.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Awesome man," Commented Toon Link as he slapped another team member and ran out of the feud, "I think we're second out!"

"Maybe this race will actually be fun!" Said Jigglypuff hopefully.

"Yeah! You drive, I'm not old enough." Explained Toon Link.

"I'm not old enough either." Said Jigglypuff dully.

They stared at one another.

"HELP!" They yelled at the same time.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Can we stop the fighting and just keep going to the cars?" asked Mewtwo.

"Naw man, see, by me proving my strength to the other racers, they'll _fear_ us! Don't you want power?" asked Lucario, wounding another racer.

"Well…yeah" said Mewtwo.

"Then help me fight these freaks!" said Lucario.

"Okay!" said Mewtwo as he ran up and slapped Bowser.

Mewtwo scratched his chin as he watched Wolf as the turtle flinched from the sissy slap, and crouched into a position, charging up power. Then Wolf slammed his claws into Mewtwo as hard as he could.

"Owww!" wailed Mewtwo, crying as he ran back to Lucario.

"You never told me fighting hurt!" said Mewtwo in a high-pitched girly voice, slapping his brother.

"Just start running, okay?" said Lucario, grabbing his brother's hand and running from the other angry teams who were still brawling it out.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Delfino Island, huh?" asked Link, "I once lawyered a guy in that place. Nice city."

"Are the people easy money?" laughed Yoshi.

"Not really, they're pretty smart." Chuckled Link. Realizing they were being recorded, he added, "…For uh, not ripped-off people, yeah, I was awarded for not being a liar!" lied Link.

"Well…let's head for the cars!" said Yoshi, "And start being aggressive racers!"

"Yes, yes!" said Link, "Because we're the most honest racers! Outright honest!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Oh no, we're eighth now!" gasped Fox.

"Don't worry dude, we'll jump ahead later on!" said Wolf assuredly, kicking Snake down when he tried to stand up.

"Yeah, we may need to use more brute force if you ask me," said Fox, shooting DK with his laser gun.

"Whoa- incoming teams! Let's make like trees and leaf!" said Wolf jokingly.

Fox stood where he was.

"…Uh, Fox? That was a joke. We have to run." Said Wolf.

"Okay," said Fox childishly as he ran.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Beat some here!" Said Snake proudly.

"Son, this doesn't look like my bag," Explained Roy.

"That's because it isn't!" Fumed Snake. "Get rid of it!"

Roy shrugged, and threw the bag behind him.

It hit a team sneaking behind the Father and Son.

"Looks like I have to use my sneak methods…" Muttered Snake as he crawled inside his box.

"Um…Son? What do I do?" Asked Roy.

"Stand there and look pretty." Hissed Snake, crawling towards the fight going on.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Oh damn, bad start, bad start!" panicked Falco. "We're tenth now! Go run ahead, Samus!"

"Sure thing, Squirtle!" Said Samus as she ran after the other teams.

"It's Falco!" Yelled Falco over the ruckus of the fight.

He was tackled by one of the many Racers.

"Squirtle's a bit sensitive about his name…" whispered Samus to the camera. "You just have to kind of ignore it, and he'll get over it…"

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Come on, Diddy, we can't be eliminated first, We'll be losers!" groaned Donkey Kong. "We're last place right now, come on!"

…

"Okay!" said Diddy Kong, having hyperactive spikes every once in a while.

"Let's go!" said Donkey Kong suspensefully.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're definitely first, but we're closely followed by the Swordsmen, Frats and Psychic Twins!" Explained Kirby as he turned around in his seat.

"Dude!" Said Dedede angrily. "Buckle up, seriously, one day you're going to get yourself killed!"

Kirby sighed annoyingly.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"I am **not **settling for second!" said a bad-tempered Ike as he made a turn left.

"You were supposed to turn right then," explained Marth calmly.

"Well, if you weren't distracting me, I would have made it!" griped Ike.

"But you were rambling about how you wouldn't settle for second then. I was not speaking," explained Marth.

"Calm down! Dude, you get angry so fast! Calm down, dammit!" yelled Ike.

"You're yelling," said Marth.

"I AM NOT YELLING, DAMMIT!" screamed Ike.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Wait did I make the right turn?" asked Lucario.

"Ummm…no I think." Said Mewtwo.

"You need to be a better brother, letting me do that," reprimanded Lucario as he started to smoke.

"I'm sorry!" cried Mewtwo.

"Just shut up and make sure I do better next time," explained Lucario, smoking deeply.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Dude, I think we're definitely one of the better teams this time around." explained Ganondorf as he made the turn.

"Awesome, Last Season I got ninth." admitted Falcon.

"Heh, I did even worse, got twelfth, also known as second-last." chuckled Ganondorf sheepishly.

"But we're not afraid to admit our mistakes!" said Falcon and Ganondorf, frat-fiving.

…

…

"I still snuggle with my stuffed pony." whimpered Ganondorf.

"I still pretend with my imaginary friends." sighed Falcon sadly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Oh no, we're now Fifth Place!" Gasped Ness, looking at Pikachu in the back seat.

"Who are you talking to?" Asked the cameraman in the shotgun seat.

"Pikachu!" Said Ness exasperated.

"He's a stuffed animal, for cripes' sake!" Said the cameraman.

"Now don't you start!" Said Ness angrily.

_Smash Mansion Starting Line_

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Fly to Delfino Island and find the Great Pianta Statue in the Delfino Plaza!" re-read Jigglypuff, making sure they knew where they were going.

"Okay, Pichu, flag down a taxi," said Toon Link. "…and I'll try and book tickets by phone! We're obviously not going to be the other four to five teams ahead of us, so we're gonna go ahead and beat them there via the phone."

"Okay…" said Jigglypuff, nervously.

Jigglypuff flagged down a taxi.

"What do I do now?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Hold it until I book some tickets!" shouted Toon Link.

"Hi," said Toon Link into the phone. "I'd like to book tickets to the earliest flight to Delfino Island!"

Toon Link waited for a few seconds.

"It departs at 9:00? Okay," said Toon Link, hanging up.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
1__st__ for 9:00 AM Flight_

"Awesome, we're ahead of everyone!" chuckled Jigglypuff, feeling happy.

"Yeah, we did the right thing!" agreed Toon Link.

"..And it's all because of _me_!" said Jigglypuff, still laughing.

"Actually, I was the one who suggested that we book tickets ahead of time," said Toon Link.

"…But it was my idea!" said Jigglypuff.

"But you just-"

"My idea!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Hiya! Hiya!" said Snake as he karate chopped a few more people. "Okay, Operation: escape!"

"Right, what's operation escape?" asked Roy.

"It's where we must escape! But first, we'll make detailed maps on how to reach our car safely without being bombed!" explained Snake.

"But wouldn't it be easier to just go into the car and beat some teams?" asked Roy.

"No, it's better safe than sorry, not sorry than safe, dad." Said Snake angrily.

"Son, I think you've spent too much time in the army," said Roy.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Beat the spaceman and mole, quick before we lose even more!" snapped Wolf, grabbing Fox and throwing inside the car.

Wolf promptly turned on the taxi, hit the gas, and was out of the Mansion's front yard.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Yee-ha, go Wolf!" said Fox, hugging Wolf.

The cameraman stared.

"Get off me, Fox!" said Wolf quickly, realizing the camera was on.

"I wasn't on you…Wolf," explained Fox to save face.

"Are you arguing with me?!" threatened Wolf, pulling out a gun.

"Uhhh…No," said Fox so he wouldn't get shot.

"Liar!" yelled Wolf as he shot Fox multiple times.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Just start driving man, I see more and more teams, they will just bribe the airport people for our tickets, maybe," explained Toon Link.

"Yeah, you're right that has happened sometimes," agreed Jigglypuff as he started up the car.

"Whoa I think Yoshi running towards us! Drive! Drive!" yelled Toon Link.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"They ran away…I was going to ask if they wanted an alliance…" grumbled Yoshi as he stomped back to their car.

"We're ninth! Hurry Yoshi!" said Link angrily.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Come on, I don't want to get eliminated on the _first_ leg!" Yelled Samus, dragging Falco inside the car.

"Ow, jeez, you're so demanding, Samus…" Grumbled Falco, nursing his wing.

"Gawk, start the car, here comes another team!" Said Samus, grabbing Falco by the neck and pointing towards Roy and Snake.

"Okay!" Replied Falco angrily. "Man, quit startling me."

He turned on the car.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hurry Nephew, we're last!" explained Donkey Kong in a hurry as he made a mad dash after the others.

"Hee hee hee," chuckled Diddy as he cunningly tripped some bypassing team members.

"Diddy! We want friends, not enemies!" said DK angrily.

"Sorry." Said Diddy, having spasms randomly.

_Air Way Smashville Airport_

_"There are only three flights to Isle Delfino!" Said Koopa, "These flights are the 9 AM, 9:30, and 10:00 AM!!"_

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 1st Place_

"I shall order the tickets, not you, mere slave," ordered King Dedede.

Kirby just sighed. "Sure fatso, knock yourself dead, just order two tickets to the 9 AM flight to Delfino Island."

"One ticket to the 9:00 flight to the isle of Delfino," commanded King Dedede.

"What about the puffball?" asked the female airport worker.

"He is…uh…my luggage," said Dedede unconvincingly.

"Alright, here you go!" said the worker. "I'll take your luggage to the plane."

"Hey! Hey, I'm no-one's luggage, ya hear? Help!" squirmed Kirby, trying to escape.

Dedede merely laughed at the puffball's misfortune.

"I'll get you for this, dammit!" yelled Kirby as he was dragged away.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
2nd for 9:00 AM Flight_

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

The frats were pulled over.

"I'm sorry sirs, you shall be arrested for drinking whilst driving," explained an officer.

"WHAT?!" asked Ganondorf, clearly stone drunk, "Whaddya mean we can't drink and drive at the same time?!"

"I refuse!" yelled Falcon, also drunk. He closed the taxi door and sped 100mph over the speed limit.

Towards the local Prison.

They drove right into the building, knocking down the wall and hurting some people.

Captain Falcon went ahead and ran inside his jail cell before anyone could do anything about it.

"Ha!" he smirked, "I did it before you dudes could! Suckerrrs!"

Falcon thought for a moment about what he had done.

"Aw crud," cried Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Drive over that cluebox," said Mewtwo, grinning.

"You idiot!" said Lucario, cuffing the cat's ear, "Fool! We do not drive _over_ clueboxes you moron! We'll be penalized! We must go around them!"

"Ohhh…" said Mewtwo, understanding.

"Now let's hurry inside the airport." Said Lucario, turning into a parking spot.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"We just got on the first flight," chuckled Marth casually.

"No time to stand about, move move move!" ordered Ike, army-crawling.

"O…kay…" said Marth confused, walking normally.

"Get down, I see the opposition!" panicked Ike.

"All I see is two drunken frats running for their lives," explained Marth annoyed.

"Yes, but they were at that starting line! Be careful, comrade, those frats are tricky ones!" reprimanded Ike motherly.

"Right…" sighed Marth as he watched Falcon hit on a male airport worker.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Mewtwo and Lucario  
Tied for 2__nd__ Place_

"Two tickets to Isle Delfino, and hurry bro!" said Falcon, glancing behind him to see the feds coming up behind.

"What they said," gulped Mewtwo to another worker.

"Oh no I think this is the battle for the last tickets for the first flight!" gasped Lucario, shaking his brother.

_Marth and Ike  
3__rd__ for 9:00 AM Flight_

"We got the second-last tickets, We're gonna own the first leg!" laughed Marth.

"Yes…yes, my pretties…" cackled Ike evilly, rubbing his hands together evilly.

"Is he sick?" asked the cameraman worriedly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Four teams have reached the airport, so we're second flight automatically," explained Ness. "We're not worried at all though, we know we will still be in the race for lots of legs."

"I say we should disqualify these two automatically," said the cameraman angrily, "Only one counts as a human being!"

Ness gasped.

"How could you?!" asked Ness, crying. "Pikachu is an equal human…er…stuffed animal, like anyone else would!"

Ness beat the camera person with Pikachu the stuffed pokemon.

"Ha ha, die evil camera person! Ha ha ha!" cackled Ness, delusional. "Death to evil! Down! Down, I say!"

"I'm surrounded by crazy people!" cried the man, using the camera to block the blows.

_Wolf and Fox  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Yaaay, we're going in an airpwane!" said Fox cutely.

"Can you…stop that?" asked Wolf, licking Fox's face.

"We're still filming, you know?" asked the cameraman angrily.

Wolf broke the screen, causing static fuzz.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Nueez!!1" cried Ganondorf as he and Falcon were arrested.

"See you later mortal fools!" cackled Mewtwo, collecting their tickets that were meant for the frats.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Last for 9:00 AM Flight_

"Wait…we're not immortal though," pointed out Lucario, "There's no point in saying 'Mortal fools' when we're mortal too."

"But…but what about the time you-"

"That was just a mistake, okay?!" asked Lucario angrily.

"Sheesh, so demanding, woman," scoffed Mewtwo, shrugging off Lucario.

"What was that?" asked Lucario angrily.

"Woman!" boasted Mewtwo, punching Lucario lightly.

They tackled each other, biting and kicking.

"Take it back!" yelled Lucario.

"No!" said Mewtwo, trying to fight the pain.

"Take it back I say!" commanded Lucario. "…Now!"

"Never!" yelled Mewtwo, dying.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We are seventh, good thing we had booked tickets, otherwise we would have been second group!" said Toon Link, raising an eyebrow.

"When you say second group, you are referring to second-class, right?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Uh…" said Toon Link.

…

"And Stop that, you're getting my tunic all blood-stained with that knife of yours!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Sorry, emo tendencies." Asserted Jigglypuff calmly, placing the knife down.

_Samus and Falco  
Flight Attendants_

"We are now going to attempt to lead some teams away from the airport, causing them to be last flight!" chuckled Falco, steering ahead.

"Okay, a team is following us!" Explained an excited Falco, steering awkwardly.

"Who knew this would be so easy?" Snickered Samus.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Okay, drive past those Flight Attendants! Over there!" Explained Snake.

"Yes, we did it!" Cheered Roy.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Okay, we just need to stay in the second group…" Muttered Roy. "We have to drive faster to make it!"

Snake cackled evilly as he threw a stick of dynamite out of the window.

…

"That works too." Sighed Roy.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Okay, now drive off!" Laughed Yoshi. "Oh, this is great! We forced another team into traffic!"

"Now, to celebrate!" Said Samus joyfully, taking out some champagne and popping the cork off.

The cork accidentally hit the wheel of the car, setting the Airbag off.

"Ow…" Said Falco.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"We've been ditched," said Donkey Kong angrily.

…

"Really?" asked Diddy Kong hopefully.

"YES!" said Donkey Kong.

"Because I really think we've been ditched!!" Said Diddy excitedly.

DK slapped himself in the face.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Crap, we're encountering traffic and sorts of other things!" Pouted Link angrily.

"You need to concentrate on the road." Explained Yoshi calmly. "Don't forget to turn on the beepers when you make a turn with the wheel."

"You mean the wheel Wasn't for show?!" Asked Link, horrified.

The lawyer looked behind them, and saw the pile of cars.

"…my mistake?" laughed Link nervously. "Oh, here's our card if you want to take legal action on this!"

He threw cards at the people, causing many injuries.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

Ness and Pikachu ran up to the ticket line, closely followed by Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Roy and Snake, and Wolf and Fox.

"Wait, we pre-ordered our tickets, so do we go into a different line?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Pre-ordered over there," replied one worker.

"Thanks!" said Toon Link, running off.

"Pre-ordered?!" asked Roy, shocked. "Why didn't we think of that?"

"We're idiots," grumbled Snake angrily. "No worries, I shall make _positive sure_ that we make the second group!"

"Hi," said Ness. "We'd like two tickets to the earliest flight to Delfino Island."

"I'm sorry," cackled Snake, tying up Ness and Pikachu together, "That is not allowed!"

"Snake!" said Roy, clearly alarmed, "They were getting on the same flight as us!"

"Oh," said Snake angrily, releasing Ness and Pikachu reluctantly.

"I'm sorry, the earliest flight is sold out, but the 9:30, the second one, is empty," explained the worker as she typed onto a computer.

"Okay, we'll take that," explained Ness calmly. He took the tickets and walked off.

_Ness and Pikachu  
1__st__ for 9:30 AM Flight_

"We are so lucky," said Ness to Pikachu as they walked off.

"Yes, we narrowly beat those other desperate teams to the ticket desk," mused Pikachu in Ness' imagination.

"He's not real," said the cameraman angrily.

"I'm sorry," said Ness angrily, "It appears you have been _rudely_ interrupted by an idiotic assistant!"

The cameraman glared at Ness angrily.

"Two tickets, to where they are going," threatened Snake, aiming an Uzi at the worker. "Or else."

"Or else what?" laughed the worker, knowing this was just a joke.

"Too late!" cackled Snake evilly, shooting her for real and killing her. Snake booked the correct tickets and army-crawled inside the airplane.

"Was that really necessary?" asked Roy in anger.

_Roy and Snake  
2__nd__ for 9:30 AM Flight_

"Yes, yes it was," said Snake proudly.

"Two tickets to Isle Delfino please." Ordered Fox.

"We made it!" cheered Fox and Wolf, hugging.

Wolf realized the camera was filming, and promptly pushed Fox off of him.

"Fox! I told you, we're not friends!" said Wolf, obviously faking his stern voice.

"But you were hugging me just as much as I was hugging yo-" said Fox upset as Wolf hit him for talking back.

_Fox and Wolf  
3__rd__ for 9:30 AM Flight_

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We just made it inside the airport," explained Falco hurriedly, "Hopefully we can make the second flight on time!"

"This is dumb, we should have just gone straight to the airport instead of delaying ourselves!" grumbled Samus.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"We see two Flight attendants run inside the airport…" said Yoshi, "I…I think t-they were in the race…"

"Get out already!" snapped Link, shoving Yoshi down. "Let's go, midget!"

"Oof!" panted Yoshi as he fell onto the road.

He was 'accidentally' run over sixteen times.

By their own taxi.

_Link and Yoshi_

"On this race, I shall prove how much I love Yoshi as a close friend and as a work associate," said Link, fake crying.

…

"What?!" asked Link furiously, venting his anger on Yoshi.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"You're free to go now." Sighed the main officer, letting Falcon and Ganondorf loose.

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" grinned Falcon, "We can still make the last flight!"

…

"That didn't come out right…" mumbled Falcon.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Uncle and Nephew_

"We're obviously last," mused DK. "But we can still outrace most of the deadbeats who are here in the back with us!"

"Yeah, we'll show them!" said Diddy angrily.

_Samus and Falco  
Last for 9:30 AM Flight_

"We just barely made the last flight," panted Samus, "We're very fortunate."

"This was suspenseful," sighed Falco, catching his breath.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Oh damn- We failed to the flight attendants." Said Yoshi.

"Whatever, I'm too lazy to really do anything anyway," explained Link.

"_All teams are now on a plane to Delfino Island!" Said Koopa. "On the First Flight, 9:00, is: Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Kirby and King Dedede, Marth and Ike & Mewtwo and Lucario!"_

"_On the second flight, the 9:30, is: Ness and Pikachu, Roy and Snake, Fox and Wolf & Samus and Falco!"  
_  
"_On the Last flight, the 10:00, is teams Link and Yoshi, Falcon and Ganondorf and DK and Diddy Kong!"_

"_Once teams reach the airport Island strip, they must make their way to the main island and find the Pianta Statue!"_

_1__st__ Flight  
Arrived at: 9:00 AM_

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Right, we're now first. There are the boats for all eleven teams." Explained Lucario as he walked towards one of the boats. "Get ready for some boat action."

"Okay." Said Mewtwo, bringing the Barbie doll **action figure **set.

"Not those, you idiot!" Snarled Lucario. "The other suitcase!"

"Oh," Laughed Mewtwo. "You mean this one?"

He pulled out a harpoon.

"Perfect," Laughed Mewtwo and Lucario.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Where are the boats, dipwad?!" asked Ike angrily, shoving Marth out of a window on the plane, in the wrong direction.

"I don't know Ike, I'll look around." Sighed Marth.

They ran in the opposite direction.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Hopefully we can catch up and win this leg," grumbled an angry Kirby.

"Look boy, I'm standing! I'm standing!" said King Dedede excitedly.

"…and get away from this dipwad," finished Kirby.

"Look boy, I'm jumping!" said King Dedede enthusiastically.

"…What?" asked Kirby.

King Dedede crushed Kirby to death.

_Toon Link and Pichu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Say, remember that time we narrowly avoided being eaten by that bear?" chuckled Toon Link. "It's experiences like that that makes us such good racers!"

"Actually," corrected Jigglypuff, "We ran away from it. Big whoop."

"You're making us look bad!" cried Toon Link.

"I know, seeing you in shambles just so happens to make my day." Said Jigglypuff happily.

_Kirby and King Dedede_

"We've gotten ourselves a boat, but the engine won't start," lamented Kirby. "This is bad."

"How about we just swim to the main island? We're good swimmers…" mused King Dedede. "I'm such a good thinker, yes, I can see it now…"

King Dedede had a montage/weird image of the future. He pictured himself as the ruler of Delfino Island, with all the piantas as his slaves.

"Work my lackeys, work!" cackled Dedede, "Or no swamp water for you!"

"Don't do this! Please save us!" cried the piantas.

"NEVER!" screamed King Dedede as he shot all of them dead.

"Helloooo?" asked Kirby, shaking King Dedede out of it.

"Too bad I can't rule this place and my own kingdom at the same time," lamented King Dedede, scratching himself.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Dammit, now everyone is ahead!" snapped Lucario, hitting Mewtwo.

"Not really…those two guys are running in the opposite direction from the boats!" explained Mewtwo, pointing to Ike and Marth.

"Oh, this is good, they'll be out of the competition, ha ha, yes this is very good!" chuckled Lucario.

Mewtwo just stared at him, confused.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"I don't know if we're going the right way!" sobbed Toon Link, running straight ahead.

"I can't see anything…" sighed Jigglypuff. "We went the wrong way I guess…"

"Just turn around and go to those boats," explained Toon Link, having a severe mood swing.

"Hurry, I see the teams leaving us behind." Whispered Jigglypuff, running to catch up.

_Marth and Ike_

"Look, just follow those guys ahead of us," explained Ike angrily, "They obviously know where the boats are! Just follow them!"

"Okay, fine, whatever," replied Marth angrily. "Just shut up."

They followed Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"We're first ones to leave the airplane-island-strip!" said Lucario, chuckling heartily as he watched the other three teams run around the mini-island.

"They're confused, so we may be in first for a while," mused Mewtwo.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Oh crud we went the wrong way!" cried Jigglypuff, "We suck at maps!"

Jigglypuff threw the map into the water, then, which a big sea serpent jumped out from the water and ate it. … Though that's not important.

"We're lost!" sobbed Toon Link, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his tunic.

"Hey guys, do you know where the boats would be?" asked Marth, walking up to the kids.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff thought Marth was mocking them, so they just cried harder.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Mewtwo and Lucario had reached land ten minutes after setting off to the main island.

"We have to stay ahead of the others!" panicked Mewtwo. "We have to!"

Lucario slapped him.

"What was that for?" asked Mewtwo angrily.

"From now on, you can't learn when to shut up, I hit you," explained Lucario, starting to smoke again.

_2__nd__ Flight  
Arrived at: 9:30 AM_

_Roy and Snake  
Fox and Wolf_

"We allied with Fox and Wolf last night because we thought that an alliance would improve both teams if both work together," explained Roy cheerfully, whistling.

"Did you hear that?!" asked Snake, high-strung, dropping all the bags.

"Snake…" sighed Roy. "Don't you know when to stop?" Roy started to whistle again.

"That! That noise!" moaned Snake, covering his ears. "It's…obnoxious…"

Roy stopped whistling to listen. Hearing nothing, he scolded Snake.

"Never drop delicate equipment like you just did," reprimanded Roy, wagging his finger.

Snake when into spasms as he heard the sound of Roy whistling yet again.

"That's the noise! The noise!" cried Snake, starting to go into tantrums.

"What? Me whistling?!" laughed Roy. "Ridiculous!"

Roy started to whistle again.

Snake pointed the gun at his head.

…

Roy started to whistle again.

Snake pointed the gun at his head.

Roy stopped whistling. Snake lowered the gun.

…

Roy started to whistle again.

Snake pointed the gun at his head.

Roy stopped whistling. Snake lowered the gun.

Roy started to whistle again.

Snake pointed the gun at his head.

Roy stopped whistling. Snake lowered the gun.

Roy started to—

"AAAAAA" Screamed Snake, decapitating Roy.

…

"Oh no," gasped Snake, "Who killed my father?!"

Fox and Wolf backed away.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"I have an idea to get us in front," whispered Samus. "You whistle as I get the bags."

Falco started whistling horribly, while avoiding the bullets coming from Snake.

"Die evil noise-thing, die!" cackled Snake, shooting Falco repeatedly.

Samus grabbed her teams' bags and ran ahead, leaving Falco's mutilated corpse behind.

"It worked!" laughed Samus evilly.

Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends

"I think we're eighth now!" cried out Ness, dragging his stuffed friend along. "Come on Pikachu, let's beat these idiots!"

"Maybe we should be more quiet," suggested Pikachu. "So we can steal a boat and get ahead of everyone."

"Pfft, dream on, Pika! We're quiet as it is!" said Ness loudly.

Everyone stared.

"Uh, they're staring at us," explained Pikachu quietly.

"Nonsense!" laughed Ness forcefully. "Never!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Marth and Ike_

"Oh no," said a shocked Jigglypuff, "We took so long that the second flight has landed and they're off the plane!"

"Get on a boat! Hurry!" demanded Toon Link running as fast as he could.

"We're stuck with these twits," grumbled Ike, starting to break into a run.

"Dude, stay behind them, just tailgate them until we can ditch them," chuckled Marth as he ran further down.

"Hey, I'll ask for your idea when I want it," said Ike angrily, slapping Marth. "…Say, how about we tailgate them until we find a place to ditch them? What do you say?"

Marth opened his mouth to speak, but then Ike slapped him again.

"That's enough out of you! Keep running!" commanded Ike in a gruff low voice.

_Roy and Snake  
Fox and Wolf  
Ness and Pikachu_

"Hey dudes, we are going to have to force our way to the top pack," reminded Wolf, as Fox tried to hold the lupine's hand. "If we want to win, we have to beat these maggots."

Ness, who didn't want to be left out, listened in on the other teams' conversation.

"Okay, so we know that the first flight is gone, at least, most of them, as two teams were already at the dock, so maybe they were tricked or something." Said Roy as he thought deeply. "They just left. Then those cheating Flight Attendants ran ahead, and they're getting their boat ready. We bully the dumb flight people off their boats, and then we sink any nearby boats."

"Yeah," said Fox inspirationally, holding hands with Wolf.

Wolf kicked Fox in the shin.

"Oh, right." Said Fox, letting go.

"So now let's pay them back!" added Ness. Everyone glared angrily at him.

"Go 'way you little punk," snarled Wolf, kicking the kid out.

Ness angrily watched the other two teams walk off, towards the flight attendants.

"Hmph!" said Ness angrily, "I don't need them, I can clearly go around them when they're distracted, those jerks!"

_Samus and Falco  
Flight Attendants_

"What the…" stuttered Falco as he saw two teams staggering over to where he was. "Hey Samus, I think someone's angry with us!"

Snake grabbed Falco and threw him behind him, and jumped inside the boat.

Roy and Fox took care of Samus, they threw her in the sea surrounding the island they were on.

They then started up the boat.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Lucario! Lucario! I founds a clue!" said Mewtwo excitedly, holding up a wanted poster.

"Mew, that's a…Wanted poster…" said Lucario angrily.

"Yeah, but when I looked at the back, I found a clue!" said Mewtwo, proud of himself.

"Did we just skip a clue?" asked Lucario angrily. "We have to do it right in order, stupid!" He hit Mewtwo.

"Sorry…" cried Mewtwo, walking off.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Okay, there's the pianta statue!" said Kirby, somewhat satisfied with himself. "We seem to be taking first…I'm actually shocked and surprised…"

King Dedede patted Kirby hard, and ripped open the clue. "Good slave, stay here until I finish reading this clue!"

"Slave?" asked Kirby angrily.

"It says to go to the nearby buses and pick one to ride on! Ra ra ra!" chortled Dedede.

"_Teams must now choose one of two buses to ride on, which will drive about Delfino Plaza! Both teammates must take a snapshot of one of the many posters around the plaza that shows where the teams must go next! Once they have successfully taken a picture of an ad on the hotel nearby, teams can exit the bus and make their way for the hotel, where at the entrance they can find their next clue!" explained Koopa. "The first bus can contain only four teams, yet it departs first! The second bus can hold seven teams, though it leaves second. First come, first served!"_

"We choose the first one!" exclaimed Kirby, running inside.

"Heh heh, let's leave now!" chuckled King Dedede.

"Aw rats, we have to wait for all 11 teams to reach here! Curses, a whole lead gone!" muttered Kirby.

"Hmmm…" muttered King Dedede.

…

"Wait, I shall try something!" exclaimed King Dedede. He walked up to the bus driver and said, "Bus driver, I order you to drive now!"

…

Nothing happened.

"That's odd," mused Dedede, "That usually never fails!"

Kirby face palmed.

Mewtwo and Lucario

"Where's the clue box?" asked Mewtwo panicking, running around aimlessly.

He was down on the wrong street.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We've landed! We're still in third!" cheered Jigglypuff. "Oh wait, that was your line, mine is the one about how I am being angsty…Yes, we may be third, but third's…not…first!" Jigglypuff started to fake cry.

Toon Link slapped her, "Get out of it, man! We must beat the others!"

"Right! We shall…wait…that's your line also…are you following the script?" asked Jigglypuff angrily.

"Well…no…but why should I?" asked Toon Link.

"This show's scripted, _remember_?" reminded Jigglypuff.

"It isn't." stated Toon Link.

"Oh." Remembered Jigglypuff. "Then I probably shouldn't have been stalling us with crappy drama scenes for the past two hours."

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"We're fourth now, hurry you dope!" said Ike as he slapped Marth for the twelfth time that day.

"Why do you keep slapping me?" asked Marth angrily as he stabbed Ike over and over again.

…

"Ike?" called Marth.

_Fox and Wolf  
Roy and Snake  
Tied for 5__th__ Place_

"We're headed for the main lands…" said Roy unimportantly.

"Yes…awesome…" said Fox, chugging alcohol, uninterested.

"With beaches and volley ball…" reminisced Roy.

"Whatever…" choked Fox on the wine.

"And sun tanning and lighthouses…" continued Roy.

"Cool." Said Fox plainly.

"And more beaches and more lighthouses…" sighed Roy.

"Okay, we get it, beaches and other crap! Guess what? Nobody cares! Shut up!" snapped Fox, trying to talk while drinking, which made him gurgle.

"Aren't you only 17?" asked Roy angrily.

"Stfu," said Fox angrily, throwing the beer bottle.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We are pirates! Ha har!" said Ness haughtily.

"You're a freaking delusional kid with no special talent has no friends aside from a stuffed animal and you're heavily medicated," said the cameraman angrily.

Ness cried.

_Samus and Falco  
Flight Attendants_

"We're eighth!" cried Falco. "We're idiots!"

Samus started to drink while controlling their boat.

"I mean, who else would drink and drive at the same time?!" cried Falco.

_Last Flight  
Arrived at: 10:00 AM_

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Wo-hoo, we're out on the ocean!" cheered Falcon as he jumped inside a boat.

"Maps?" said Ganondorf, going through a list of supplies. "Check! Passports? Check…luggage…blah blah blah luggage and the rest of that crap is useless, all we need is our beer and passports."

"Erp." Belched Falcon, spitting out passports.

Ganondorf hit Falcon with the passports.

"You idiot, look at what you did to the freaking passports!" said Ganondorf furiously.

Falcon started to **drink and drive** **at the same time.**

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Could you try going faster?" asked Link angrily.

Link realized he was lagging behind Yoshi.

Link grumbled angrily.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Let's go!" Said Donkey Kong. "I've been here before!"

"Oh goody, we won't be eliminated then!" Said Diddy Kong kiddy like.

_Marth and Ike_

"We have to get on the buses. We're one of four lucky teams to be on the first one!" said Ike somewhat satisfied.

"Yes, we rock man," said Marth happily.

Ike hit him.

"What did I do this time?!" asked Marth angrily.

"I don't associate myself with lower class people," explained Ike.

"I'm your freaking partner!" said Marth angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Wait, I think the statue of the pianta would be over there, in that open space," said Mewtwo, pointing to the huge open area between the Plaza's two bell towers.

"Nah, I think it would be that giant star statue on the other side of town," explained Lucario, walking down the alleyway.

They walked the opposite way, the cameraman zooming in the location Mewtwo had suggested, and it showed the Pianta statue they were looking for.

A buzzer noise played.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Over there, where that library is!" said Toon Link quickly, running off.

Jigglypuff noticed that the other teams were about to land at the Plaza.

"Oh no, we have to hurry!" said Jigglypuff, panicking as she went down the path she had chosen.

A buzzer sound was made.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Man, I know they're our allies, but I don't think I can stand within hearing range from Roy!" complained Fox, following Wolf who was navigating.

"Quiet, I think this should be where the statue is," shushed Wolf, heading past where Jigglypuff and Toon Link had gone, and they also went past the small stands that were selling food also.

A tick sound played.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We're headed in the direction Wolf and Fox went," explained Roy as he rolled his luggage around in a draggable suitcase.

"Hurry, I see all the other teams headed here, and fast," said Snake, paranoid.

The cameraman switched the lenses on the camera, making the device make a strange high-pitched noise.

"OH GOD GET DOWN!1" screamed Snake as he tackled down Roy to the ground.

"Get off me!" said Roy angrily.

"It was some sort of bomb," said Snake, relieved, "But it was a dud…"

"All he did was change the camera lense!" said Roy angrily, dusting himself off.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're almost landing!" said Ness happily as he saw the boat slowly rising up as it went up the land.

"And we seem to be seventh," mused Pikachu. "I think we're catching up."

They saw Roy and Snake arguing, and they tip-toed past them.

Ness and Pikachu high-fived.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Hurry Squirtle, I see one team appearing on the horizon!" said Samus panicking.

"…Are you calling me that because you're dating someone else?!" asked Falco, offended.

"We're not dating," reminded Samus.

"Oh yeah," remembered Falco.

…

"So what _is_ our relationship?" asked Falco, confused.

"Umm…we're friends?" said Samus.

"Well of course," scoffed Falco, "I mean, would you _really_ want to travel the entire world and win a million dollars with someone you really don't even like?"

Samus pointed out the two rival teams.

"Ah," said Falco, understanding.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"WE'rE SAILING ON ThE SeaS" said Falcon incoherently.

"Dude, watch out for the-"

they hit the rock.

"Whoa bro, incoming lighthou-"

They crashed into the lighthouse on the land, landing on the Delfino Plaza.

"Yeah!" said Falcon and Ganondorf, high-fiving.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Oh crap no I see the apes, directly behind us!" panicked Yoshi, making the boat speed faster.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Uncle and Nephew_

"Look uncle, there's that other team just barely ahead of us!" said Diddy Kong.

"Listen, I appreciate the concern, but would you kindly just not point out such obvious things?" asked Donkey Kong angrily.

"Sorry," said Diddy Kong.

…

…

"Look!" said Donkey Kong, "A bird!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Dude freaking hurry!" said Ness in fright, running from the Mortal enemies Fox and Wolf.

"Get back here, you little punks!" said Wolf angrily, gaining on them.

Ness jumped inside the first bus, and slammed the door on Wolf.

"Grr…" said Wolf angrily.

"Nice try!" laughed Ness.

"Sorry, the doors aren't to be closed while one more team has to get on," explained the bus driver.

"curses," said Ness angrily.

Ness thought of something.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Oh crap there's the buses! Run dammit!" yelled Lucario, running towards the buses.

"Oh no I see about five teams already there!" said Mewtwo, shocked.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Oh crap I can see the teams trying to get on the first bus!" said Snake shocked after reading the next clue.

"Hurry!" said Roy.

_Ness and Pikachu_

Ness slammed the door open, hitting Fox and Wolf and letting Roy and Snake inside.

When Fox and Wolf tried to enter, the bus driver wouldn't let them.

"Sorry, only four teams this bus," explained the driver.

"Dammit!" said Fox, walking towards the second bus. "Stuck with the six other teams in the back!"

Mewtwo and Lucario followed them inside the second bus.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Where are the buses?" cried Jigglypuff. "We were so far ahead, we're now stuck here in the back!"

"Wait!" said Toon Link with hope, "I can see the other teams! Next to the pianta statue! Over there!"

"Run Link!" sobbed Jigglypuff, jogging.

_Samus and Falco  
Flight Attendants_

"Hey, I can just see those little kids!" said Falco angrily. "Let's beat them to the clue!"

"After them!" shouted Samus, sprinting faster.

"Oh man those kids are fast!" panted Falco as he lagged behind.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Pass those Flight people, up ahead!" yelled Falcon, running full speed and passing Falco who had slowed down.

Ganondorf ran even slower than Falco, due to his weight.

"Ganondorf, you-"

"Yeah, I'm gonna stop you from making your stupid joke," said Ganondorf angrily, interrupting Falcon.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Faster! Faster!" said Jigglypuff gleefully, being carried by Toon Link.

Toon Link grunted angrily.

_Samus and Falco_

"No!" said Falco angrily, throwing his gun at Ganondorf. Unfortunately, it missed and hit Samus instead.

Samus fell from the impact, and Ganondorf ran by her.

"Ha!" laughed Ganondorf, poking his tongue out at them.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We're boarding on the second bus," said Toon Link somewhat stricken after he had read the clue. "We'll be near the back apparently."

"Yay buses!" said Jigglypuff cutely.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Oh look- a potential customer!" said Link, halting the boat and running onto a sinking ship.

He saw an injured person, unable to escape the ship.

"Here, my card if you survive," said Link, handing him a card and jumping off the ship in time before it sank.

"Ah, another beautiful day, another well-done job of saving civilians!" laughed Link, admiring the day.

The person's corpse bobbed on the surface of the water.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Uncle and Nephew_

"A-ha," said DK, "Up ahead is those Lawyers! Good work Diddy!"

"Thanks!" said Diddy, smirking.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Oh no!" gasped Link, shaking Yoshi, "Run, the apes are behind you!"

"But I see another customer!" whined Yoshi.

"No, get some potential saps later; race right now!" said Link angrily.

_Delfino Plaza_

"There's the buses!" said Donkey Kong a few minutes later.

"And there come the astronauts!" gasped Diddy, running inside a bus.

"We're freaking last," mused Olimar. "Whatever. Six teams will be alongside us."

"_All teams are now on a bus!" said Koopa. "Teams will be riding on the buses and must take at least one picture of one of the many wanted posters of shadow mario scattered throughout the island's plaza! They will be handed their next clue once they do so!"_

"_On the first bus which departs at 10:30 AM, is Kirby and King Dedede, Marth and Ike, Ness and Pikachu and Roy and Snake!"_

"_On the second or last bus, which departs at 10:35 AM, is Fox and Wolf, Mewtwo and Lucario, Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Falcon and Ganondorf, Samus and Falco, DK and Diddy and Link and Yoshi!_

_First Bus  
Kirby and King Dedede  
Marth and Ike  
Ness and Pikachu  
Roy and Snake  
Departed at; 10:30 AM_

"Ah, it's great to be first bus…" said Roy happily.

"We have a five minute head start from what I gather…" said Snake.

"You were choking a stuffed animal to give you answers!" said Roy angrily.

"What??" asked Snake confused. "I thought it was Pikachu!"

"Nuuuez!1" cried Ness, holding the many pieces of Pikachu's stuffed animal. "PIKAACHHUUU!1"

"Ah," understood Snake.

"Meh, these guys seem easy to beat…" mused Ike, looking at the other three teams.

"Yeah dude, we'll be first this leg!" nodded Marth.

"I didn't ask you!" said Ike angrily.

Everyone then got out their cameras and started taking pictures.

_Second Bus  
Fox and Wolf  
Mewtwo and Lucario  
Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Falcon and Ganondorf  
Samus and Falco  
DK and Diddy Kong  
Link and Yoshi  
Departed at; 10:35 AM_

"There's seven teams here, counting us," said Toon Link. "After this task will be a big footrace…"

Jigglypuff was busy making everyone's lives miserable.

"JIGGLYPUFF!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Fox said that he loved you right in front of the camera," whispered Jigglypuff to Wolf.

"What?!" asked Wolf, stomping off to beat Fox up.

"Jigglypuff, we don't want everyone to hate us!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Why?" asked Jigglypuff, rigging Diddy Kong's backpack.

"Because they'll force us out of the race!" replied Toon Link furiously.

"Hey Yoshi, DK said he wanted to have your business card!" yelled Jigglypuff to the end of the bus.

"What?! No I don't, lawyers are freaking weasels!" said DK angrily.

"Then take this!" screamed Link and Yoshi, pelting the gorilla with cards.

"Wow, those guys are annoying!" said Diddy Kong loudly, only to receive a glare from both Link and Jigglypuff.

"Way to go, you just made two teams hate us," said Donkey Kong, snapping a shot of a wanted poster.

"Ugh, everyone here is so dumb," said Samus angrily, sipping some soft drink as Falco attempted to take some photos of the wanted posters.

"Tell me about it." Said Falco angrily, getting mad about failing the task.

"Oh, my gosh, did you hear about Sarah and Phillip today?" said Falcon with his best gay impression to Falco.

"Not _you_!" said Falco angrily, beating Falcon with the camera.

"Fine then," said Ganondorf, attempting what Falcon had done, "Oh, my, gosh! did you hear about Sarah and Phillip today?!"

"Not you either, dammit!" yelled Falco, punching Ganondorf in the mouth.

"I think you shall FIND we are BOTH pokemon, jajaja" said Ganondorf drunkenly as he was knocked out.

Fox was buried in a book when Wolf came up to him and bit him.

"OW! Wolfie, honey! What the hell is wrong with you?!" asked Fox angrily, rubbing his sore nose.

"Did you just call him 'Wolfie'?" asked Lucario, choking on the cigarette he had been smoking.

"Eeew!" said Mewtwo girlishly, "That's just reeeally sick!"

"No, no! We're not like that!" protested Wolf, "Honest!"

"But I thought you guys were-" said Lucario before Wolf kicked him.

"We aren't, I swear!" said Wolf, groveling.

_First Bus  
_

"We all got one on this bus!" said Kirby, amazed. "I thought someone would screw up!"

"Yeah," lamented Marth.

"Who the hell are you??" asked Kirby angrily.

_Second Bus_

"Whoa, bro, I'm getting some serious footage…" chuckled Falcon, recording something.

"That's smart, using a video camera instead of a stupid camera, dude," complimented Ganondorf.

Ganondorf then realized that Falcon had the camera's lense pointed at the back of the bus.

"Uh, Falcon? What the heck are you recording?" asked Ganondorf.

"Two lovebirds, doin' their thing…" said Falcon, doing his signature frat boy laugh.

Ganondorf saw that Falcon was recording Fox and Wolf, making out violently.

_First Bus_

"Hey, we all just got off the bus!" yelled Kirby in a hurry. "Move, Dedede!"

"Next clue says to go climb the wall leading up to the Volcano," read Dedede. "At the entrance of the Volcano will you find the next clue!"

"Hurry man, there's two other teams coming out!" panicked Kirby, yanking on King Dedede's robes.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Follow them, dad!" said Snake angrily as he ran ahead of the Alteans.

Marth and Ike forced Roy back in the bus and ran for it, trying to catch up to Snake.

"Come on," said Marth, "If we can beat King Dedede there to the wall then we'll be first!"

"Move, there's Ness coming!" barked Ike.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Oh no we're last to get out the bus!" said Ness shocked.

"But Roy's just ahead, beat him!" suggested Pikachu, "And we may be third then!"

"Quiet, he doesn't see us!" said Ness angrily. "Shush!"

"You're yelling again!" said Pikachu, protesting.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Longtime Rivals_

Kirby continued to sprint. He panted as he jumped and floated across the water path thing and ran down the alleyway past the hotel and the coffee shop, and towards the wall.

He gasped for air and looked behind him.

"Dammit!" yelled Kirby, only seeing Marth and Ike coming, closely followed by Snake.

He began climbing the wall without King Dedede.

_Second bus_

The second bus reached where they had left.

"Wait I can see one team not far away!" said Diddy Kong happily.

"Hooray!" cheered everyone on the second bus.

The teams lined up to show their picture to the bus driver.

"You pass," said the bus driver to Mewtwo, Fox, Ganondorf, Toon Link and DK.

"And you pass too," she said to Olimar.

"Yes!" cheered Olimar, "_something_ has finally turned out for us!"

…

…

"And us?" asked Falco angrily.

"You have to take another trip in this bus," explained the bus driver angrily, "You failed."

"Nuuuezz!1" cried Samus.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

Lucario ripped open the next clue.

"Make your way to…" read Lucario.

Fox and Wolf

"The wall, which leads up to to the…" read Wolf.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Volcano, and once you scale the side of the wall…" continued Ganondorf.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"…You will find your next clue at the entrance outside the Volcano!" finished Toon Link.

"Come on!" said Jigglypuff angrily, seeing some teams already starting to jog.

"Man, this is a big footrace, six teams…" muttered Toon Link, passing Jigglypuff already.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Oh no uncle, ninth!" cried Diddy, dashing past the kids Jigglypuff and Toon Link.

"Pass as many as you can!" yelled DK, passing only Jigglypuff.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"We're freaking tenth! Hurry! Hurry!" screeched Yoshi, sprinting like a maniac.

"We're not last, Yoshi!" said Link excitedly.

"WE ALL KNOW IT!!" screamed Yoshi.

Samus and Falco

"This sucks…we're last by about ten minutes, which is how long it takes to drive around the whole Plaza…" said Falco.

"We suck." Grunted Samus.

…

"We suck-"

"We know." Said Falco angrily.

_Kirby_

Kirby forced himself over the wall, panting as he lay there next to the wall's edge.

The puffball jumped as Ike's head popped out from the edge of the wall as he moved himself onto the plateau next to the Volcano's entrance.

Kirby tried to run, but Ike kicked him down the Wall. Kirby managed to get hold of the side before falling all the way.

"You'll pay for that!" yelled Kirby.

_Marth and Ike_

"Yeah right," cackled Ike evilly as he ripped a clue open and read it. "You must now Make your way, on foot, to the Local Hotel nearby and collect your slot time departure for the next day!"

"Teams must now navigate through the busy Streets of Delfino plaza and find the local hotel!" Said Koopa. "Once teams arrive here, they must select one of three departure times for tomorrow morning! The times are 8:00, 8:30 and 9:00 AM! They will rest at the hotel until their departure time!"

"Hmm, we'll be like hours ahead of about…uh, eight teams I guess." Shrugged Ike. "We're gonna be first."

"Yes!" said Marth, raising his hand for a high-five.

Ike gave a blank stare, making Marth sigh.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Move it, puffball!" said Snake furiously as he knocked Kirby out of his way.

"Wait…" mused Kirby, as he floated in the air. "I should have floated up there to begin with. Dammit."

King Dedede only just now reached the wall, with Ness and Pikachu hot on his heels.

Kirby floated back to the top of the wall, heading for the cluebox.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Hey! Hurry Pikachu, I can see more teams arriving!" cried out Ness as he started into a sprint.

"There's a bunch of them!" said Pikachu, clearly alarmed as he scaled the wall quickly.

_Fox and Wolf_

"We're ahead of everyone on the second bus! We're fifth!" said Wolf excitedly as he ran towards Ness and Pikachu who had just started climbing the wall.

Behind them, was Mewtwo and Lucario, Diddy Kong, Falcon and Toon Link, sprinting in a mad footrace.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Ha ha ha, we're ninth I say! Ninth!" cackled Link evilly as they passed one slow team.

"Hurry, we're ninth again!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Kirby and King Dedede_

"Just follow the others! We have to be in the first time departure!" Yelled Kirby, sliding down the wall and knocking King Dedede back down the wall.

"I got it!" Replied Dedede somewhat annoyed by his gruff teammate.

They ran after Marth and Ike, who were 56 yards ahead.

_Roy and Snake_

"It doesn't matter the group," said Snake angrily, "Let's just not be in the last one!"

"Follow the puffball rivals!" suggested Roy, running ahead.

"We're third," said Snake angrily.

…

"Isn't that good?" asked Roy angrily.

"Not good enough," replied Snake angrily.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Beat them there!" chuckled Ness, ripping open the clue.

Pikachu said angrily, "You stabbed me!" he pointed to the knife wedged into him.

"Wait…I thought you were King Dedede!" gasped Ness, faking a shocked expression.

…

"How the hell do I look like that freaking fat penguin?" asked Pikachu. "I'm a rat!"

"You actually admitted you're a rat?" snickered Ness.

Pikachu zapped Ness.

"OW!" said Ness angrily.

…

…

"OW!" said Ness angrily.

"Uh, I didn't do anything." Said Pikachu.

"Oh." Said Ness.

…

"You're dull and boring, you know that?" asked Ness angrily.

Pikachu zapped Ness again.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Yes we've beaten everyone!" said Diddy excitedly as he ran up to the wall.

Mewtwo and Lucario ran ahead of the group and followed Diddy Kong up the wall.

"I'll wait here for Diddy to get the clue," explained DK to the camera.

Mewtwo teleported to the top, and took the clue.

"Easy," laughed Mewtwo as he teleported back down to the ground.

"Make your way, on foot, to the Local Hotel nearby and collect your slot time departure for the next day!" read Mewtwo.

"Come on! We're fourth!" said Lucario happily.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We got it!" said Ness. "Make your way, on foot, to the Local Hotel nearby…"

_Diddy Kong_

"…and collect your slot time departure for the next day!" finished Diddy Kong, near Ness and Pikachu.

"I'm coming down, Uncle!" said Diddy Kong, sliding down and accidentally dropping the clue right next to Fox and Wolf.

"Yeah!" cheered Fox as he ran towards the clue and picked it up.

"Oh no!" said DK, "Let's reach the hotel before them!"

"Run!" cried Diddy, sprinting.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Float up there," suggested Toon Link.

"No!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "I'll come up with a better plan!"

They sat there and thought for a while.

"I know!" said Jigglypuff cutely, "How about we…have _me_ float up there and get the clue!"

"But that's what I just suggested!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff. "Hey look I'm…floating…"

She floated and got the next clue.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Make your way, on foot, to the Local Hotel nearby…" read Fox.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"…And…col…lect…y-your…time…" read Jigglypuff excruciatingly slowly.

_  
_"…your slot time departure for the next day!" finished Toon Link quickly.

"I don't need help! And I'm not leaving until I finish reading this!" demanded Jigglypuff.

Toon Link sighed.

"…Time…depart…ture…for…the…blah blah let's go!" finished Jigglypuff angrily, ripping the clue.

_Sunny side Hotel_

_Marth and Ike  
1__st__ to Arrive_

"We made it!" said Marth excitedly as he took a card from the first departure.

"Wohoo!" cheered Ike and Marth.

_Marth and Ike  
1__st__ for 7:00 AM Departure_

Kirby ran up to the cards and took a card for the first departure.

Unfortunately, Ness appeared and had used his mind to drag the card to him, making his team second for the 8:00 Departure.

_Ness and Pikachu  
2__nd__ for 7:00 AM Departure_

"Yes!" cheered Ness and Pikachu, high-fiving.

"At least I'm on the same one as them," grumbled Kirby as he took the last 7:00 AM card.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Last for 7:00 AM Departure_

"We made it." Panted Kirby.

"This is awesome!" commented Ness happily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"There's everyone!" said Toon Link alarmingly, seeing the three other teams headed for the hotel.

_Roy and Snake  
1st for 7:30 AM Departure_

Snake jogged inside the hotel and took the first second time departure card, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Whew," said Roy, walking in.

Snake suddenly became tense again.

"Look out, everyone's here!" panicked Snake, tackling Roy out of the way in fear.

_Outside the hotel_

Dramatic camera angles everywhere.

The camera turned towards the oncoming teams headed for the hotel in a hurry to not be in the last time departure.

Mewtwo, followed by Diddy Kong, Fox, Lucario, Toon Link, Wolf, DK and Jigglypuff, ran inside the Hotel.

The psychic cat ran for the cards, but Fox karate chopped him, and took the card.

"Yes," said a smug Wolf.

_Fox and Wolf  
2__nd__ for 7:30 AM Departure_

Diddy Kong grabbed the last 7:30 card but Jigglypuff started to fake cry. In sympathy, Diddy handed it over to her.

However at the last second, DK yanked it from Diddy Kong in time to save themselves.

As Donkey Kong was holding it up, Toon Link used his hookshot tool to whip it out from DK's hand.

Lucario grabbed it out from the wall the card had been pinned against, but then Mewtwo dragged it to him with his mind and made his team the last team for the 7:30 departure.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Last for 7:30 AM Departure_

"What was that for?" asked Lucario angrily.

"_**I**_ wanted to be the one to sign us up for that departure," explained Mewtwo angrily.

"Whatever." Said Lucario angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
1__st__ for 8:00 AM Departure_

"We're with the others in the back!" cried Jigglypuff.

"There there," said Diddy Kong sympathetically. "I'm sure you'll not be eliminated."

Jigglypuff ignored him. "What did I do?" asked Diddy.

"She doesn't talk to people when she can't manipulate them," explained Toon Link angrily.

"Ah." Said Diddy.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
2nd for 8:00 AM Departure_

"Well…" said Diddy Kong positively, "we're still ahead of…uh…"

Jigglypuff, DK and Toon Link glared at him angrily.

"Of…uh…ahead of…er…" said Diddy Kong sheepishly.

…

"Uh…" stuttered Diddy Kong.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"FRAT POWERRRSS!!" said Falcon and Ganondorf as they ran down the street towards the hotel.

"We're almost there!" said Falcon optimistically.

Samus and Falco

"Okay, we're done!" said Falco. "Hurry so we can at least not get to the departure thing last!"

"We're gonna be there late, obviously," said Samus.

"Think positively!" said Falco, "Like we'll catch up to like, four other teams!"

…

"And…yeah!" said Falco half-heartedly.

_Sunny side Hotel_

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
3__rd__ for 8:00 AM Departure_

"Ha ha, third for the last departure!" said Falcon.

"FRAT BOYS RULE!" said Falcon and Ganondorf, jumping in the inside pool in the hotel.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"We promise you sir, we never cheat people out of their money…" bragged Yoshi as Link was stealing the man's wallet.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Over there," said Falco, with his speech impediment. "You'll climb the wall, and I will wait here! Easy!"

"No!" said Samus angrily, "You do it!"

"But…you're faster at climbing than me!" protested Falco, in his accent.

"I know." Said Samus. "Hurry up and climb!"

"Fine," grumbled Falco.

Nobody cared.

_Link and Yoshi  
4__th__ for 8:00 AM Departure_

"Second-last to the cards." Said Link angrily.

…

…

"This is your fault!" screamed Link, killing Yoshi.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way, on foot, to the Local Hotel nearby and collect your slot time departure for the next day!" read Falco.

"I can read it you know!" said Samus angrily.

"I wasn't reading it to you." Explained Falco.

"Oh, were you reading it to your imaginary friend _again_?" asked Samus angrily.

"You promised you wouldn't bring that up again!" cried Falco ashamedly.

_At the Hotel_

"We're stuck with the frats, the apes, the astronauts and the kids." Lamented Falco. "Yeah, we're pretty much the best team out of this group."

"And the smartest!" added Samus.

Falco grunted. "Oh come on, I know some of these guys ought to have _some_ brains-"

"Hi I'm Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff, walking up. "What's your name?"

"Go away," said Falco.

"Fine," scoffed Jigglypuff, stomping off.

…

…

"Hi I'm Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff, walking up. "What's your name?"

"Case in point." Said Samus angrily.

"Hi, I'm Ness and this is Pikachu!" greeted Ness to Roy, Snake and King Dedede.

"That's…a stuffed animal…" said Roy.

"No! It's a person!" said Ness defiantly.

"It's a stuffed animal," said Roy.

"It's a stuffed animal." said Snake.

"It's a stuffed animal," said King Dedede.

"It's a stuffed animal," said Ness.

…

"I hate you all!" cried Ness as he ran to his room.

Mewtwo rigged the pool, Lucario smoked weed, and that's pretty much all that happened.

_"When teams depart from Delfino Hotel, they must travel to the nearby coffee shop, The Daily Coffee, and find the owner of the shop!" Said Koopa. "He will hand them their next clue!"_

_"The first group, departing at 7:00, contains teams Marth and Ike, Ness and Pikachu and Kirby and King Dedede! The Second Group, leaving a half-hour later at 7:30, is Roy and Snake, Fox and Wolf, Mewtwo and Lucario! The Last group, departing an hour after the first, has teams Toon Link and Jigglypuff, DK and Diddy Kong, Falcon and Ganondorf, Link and Yoshi and Samus and Falco!"_

_Marth and Ike  
Ness and Pikachu  
Kirby and King Dedede  
1__st__ to Depart; 7:00 AM_

The three leading teams sprinted out one after the other.

"Make your way to…" Read Ike.

"The nearby coffee shop…" continued Ness.

"…And find the owner of the shop!" finished Kirby.

"Let's go!" Said Marth, Pikachu and King Dedede.

"Wait!" Said Ike, Ness and Kirby.

"What?" Asked Marth, Pikachu and King Dedede.

"STOP COPYING ONE ANOTHER!!" Screamed Ike, Ness and Kirby.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" screamed everyone, running around in circles.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Quickly, we're leaving the other two teams!" said Marth.

"Yes, first place for us!" cackled Ike, jogging.

"There it is, it really was close by," said Marth.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"There, we managed to sneak ahead from the kids, happy?" asked Kirby frightened.

"Nope!" chuckled King Dedede, squishing Kirby.

"Arrgh!" yelled Kirby in frustration.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Oh no third again." Lamented Ness.

"Say, why do you always carry that backpack?" asked Pikachu.

"Well…" said Ness, "I use it for lots of things."

He pulled out random things.

"You have a wrench, Nintendo power magazines, an apple and…a laptop?!" asked Pikachu. "I thought no laptops were allow-"

"Shh!" said Ness. "Quiet!"

The Daily CoffeeMarth and Ike

Marth accepted their next clue.

"Roadblock!" read Marth. "Who wants to make some coffee?"

_"Roadblock!" said Koopa. "A Roadblock is a task only one person may perform!"_

"_In this Roadblock, one person must go to the back of the shop and make some coffee! First, the person must crush three cup's worth of coffee! Once they have done that, __they will get their coffee beans made into four espressos, where they then must drink their coffee!"_

"Awesome, let me do it man!" said Marth excitedly. "I used to work at a coffee shop!"

"How convenient," laughed Ike.

Kirby and King Dedede

"Roadblock?" said Kirby quizzically.

"I'll do it," decreed Dedede as he walked up to the coffee making equipment. "I will land us back in the first group."

"Just don't screw up, okay?" said Kirby aggressively.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"I'll do it," explained Ness, "Stuff like this I know from watching my parents!"

Ness headed for the counter with all the necessary tools.

_Marth and Ike_

"Hurry up, we've already been here for about, oh, 10 minutes and you're still fiddling around with this crap!" said Ike angrily.

Ike stared at the clock nearby, seeing that they had only been there at the shop for approximately 26 seconds.

…

Ike grunted.

_King Dedede  
On Roadblock_

"Yes, yes, this goes here…that there…" said Dedede as he busily worked at an alarming rate.

"Whoa, Ness hasn't started yet!" said Kirby, delighted. "That's cool!"

"Quiet you," ordered King Dedede threateningly.

"Ha ha, I have free will, you can't silence me!" cackled Kirby, taunting the fat penguin, "I have rights!"

…

…

King Dedede inhaled Kirby.

Kirby grunted.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"This must go there…" muttered Ness, getting familiar with the surroundings.

"Hurry, I see that it's already 7:22 AM!" warned Pikachu. "This means eight minutes until the next three teams come out!"

"I know, I know!" replied Ness furiously, working faster. "I'm trying, okay?!"

_Roy and Snake  
Fox and Wolf  
Mewtwo and Lucario  
2__nd__ to Depart; 7:30 AM_

"We're out!" said Roy, running ahead of the group of five.

Mewtwo teleported ahead.

"No fair!" protested Fox like a spoiled brat.

"Too bad!" smirked Mewtwo, as Lucario tripped Fox to the ground.

"Ha ha!" the brothers laughed evilly as they placed fourth.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Mosey over to the coffee shop!" said Lucario brightly as he jogged along the marked path.

"We have to get first!" whined Mewtwo as they ran.

"No we don't!" said Lucario, kicking him. "I make the calls!"

…

…

"Hello?" said Lucario into the phone of the telephone booth.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Hurry! Hurry! We can't waste time! Time is precious! Like you are to me!" said Snake angrily as he ran.

"Awww," said Roy, touched deeply, "How sweet!"

"Not as sweet as…as…candy!" said Snake angrily.

"How is that even relevant to this?" asked Roy confused.

"How are you relevant…to my _life_?" asked Snake angrily.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"You know, this race isn't that interesting anymore…" said Fox.

"Though you're interesting to me…" said Wolf sexily.

"And that means…?" asked Fox angrily.

"It's innuendo, stupid!" said Wolf angrily, slapping him.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Completed Roadblock  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay we're done!" said Kirby as he looked at the next clue. "Go and get on one of three ferry's, which will take you to Pinna Park!"

"_Teams must now get on one of three ferries, which will be taking them to Pinna Park Island, a tiny island nearby the main Island, Delfino Island!" said Koopa. "The three ferries depart at 8:30, 9:00 and 9:30 AM!"_

"We're first now!" laughed Kirby, leaving the other two teams behind. "See you later, suckers!"

"Can we stop at McDonald's on the way there?" asked King Dedede hopefully.

"Yeah, okay, I'm hungry too…" lamented Kirby, pulling into McDonald's which was 10 yards away from the ferries they needed to get on.

_Marth and Ike  
1__st__ for 9:00 AM Ferry_

"Where'd Kirby and King Dedede go?" asked Marth suspiciously.

"Uhh…maybe they died." Suggested Ike, checking them in on the first ferry.

"Oh well, we got here first again," said Marth happily. "We're the best team around!"

_Ike_

"We're obviously gonna win the million," scoffed Ike, "I mean, we're first to everywhere…we're better partners than all the other guys and- HEY I SAID NO FOOD FOR YOU AT ALL MARTH YOU HEAR ME?! So yeah, we're obviously the best team."

…

"Yes?" asked Ike angrily, seeing that everyone was staring at him.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Ha ha, we finished before the brats," laughed Lucario confidently, gulping the coffee down in an instant.

"Go and get on one of three ferries to depart for Pinna Park," read Lucario as he headed for their taxi.

"Why do _you_ always read the clue aloud?" asked Mewtwo angrily.

"Because you can't read," laughed Lucario loudly.

Mewtwo cried.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We're fourth, and we're gonna be on the second ferry. Dang, I shouldn't have taken so long," muttered Ness as he jumped inside the taxi with Pikachu.

"Oh no, I think another team is coming outside!" panicked Pikachu.

"Drive to those ferries ahead!" ordered Ness to the taxi driver.

_Docks  
7:56 AM_

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2__nd__ for 9:00 AM ferry_

"We're second here, we're in the top group!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

"Nobody asked you to speak," said Lucario angrily, tugging on Mewtwo's leash.

"Can you untie me?" asked Mewtwo, "I need to pee."

"Nobody cares, do it here!" spat out Lucario angrily.

"In front of…the camera?" asked Mewtwo. "I'm a person, not a dog!"

"Shut up, **Dog**two!" said Lucario angrily, kicking Mewtwo. "I'll –forking- kill you later, dumb –batch-!"

"At least the censors work," said the cameraman, relieved.

"…Bitch." Said Lucario furiously.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Last for 9:00 AM Ferry_

"We made it," said Kirby under a mouthful of fries.

They had shoved Ness and Pikachu out of the way and had by a slim margin, made it on the first ferry.

"We only took like, twelve minutes," laughed King Dedede comically.

"Let's make a musical on this, kiddies!" said Kirby like he was barney the dinosaur or something.

Everyone started to boycott their scenes to retain their selves.

_Ness and Pikachu  
1__st__ for 9:20 AM Ferry_

"The ferries are like only twenty minutes apart, so we'll catch up," said Ness smugly as he drew his card.

"We need to stay ahead like this, and we may be top five material!" said Pikachu.

"Yeah, yeah we should…" agreed Ness.

"Uh, I'm over here," said the cameraman.

"I'm talking to _Pikachu_, duh!" said Ness angrily. "…Not _you_!"

"Well maybe you need a therapist or something!" said the cameraman angrily.

"Well…well…oh yeah?" asked Ness in retort.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
DK and Diddy Kong  
Falcon and Ganondorf  
Link and Yoshi  
Samus and Falco  
Last to depart; 8:00 AM_

"We're first out of the back!" said Yoshi, chuckling heartily.

"The business cards we gave them distracted all of them!" said Link gleefully.

"Uh-oh, they're starting to head after us…" said Yoshi, alarmed.

They ran for the coffee shop.

_Roy and Snake  
2__nd__ for 9:20 AM Ferry_

"We're on the second ferry, and the first one has just departed for the amusement park…" explained Roy as he took a card for the second ferry.

"We're doing horrible," said Snake angrily, "We need to be on that first ferry, not back here!"

"Snake, you need to learn to expect less out of yourself," explained Roy fatherly, "We're not going to be in the first time departure every leg…it would be very hard!"

"Yeah, but I want to win a 100 grand!" cried Snake.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Fox and Wolf  
Tied for 6__th__ Place_

"Oh no!" said Toon Link, "Beat the homos to the docks!"

"But I am the slowest character!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Just float there!" explained Toon Link angrily.

"… …Oh," said Jigglypuff.

She floated to the cards and got the last card for the second flight.

"Wow, such an exciting footrace," lamented Fox dully, touching Wolf's no-no regions.

"Oh, I'm so amazed…" said Wolf as he was feeling Fox's chest.

…

"Wait!" said Fox angrily, "You called us homosexuals!"

"How rude!" said Wolf, trying to get in Fox's pants. "I mean, that's just mean to assume something about people!"

…

"And the correct term is gay, anyways!" said Fox happily.

"No, it's actually homosexual," explained Wolf.

"Ah." Said Fox.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Last for 9:20 AM Ferry_

"But then what's the correct term for guy-on-girl?!" asked Fox nervously.

"Just shut up, it's over! Done and done!" said Wolf angrily.

_Fox and Wolf  
1__st__ for 9:40 AM Ferry_

"But the script says-"

"There is no script," explained Wolf.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?!" cried Fox.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're eighth now," said Yoshi, "We had to bribe the coffee owner person to beat the roadblock, but whatever."

…

"Oh crap I shouldn't have said that!" cried Yoshi.

_Link and Yoshi  
2__nd__ for 9:40 AM Ferry_

"Quit skipping all our scenes!" said Link angrily, "We virtually get no airtime whatsoever!"

"That's actually a word?" asked Yoshi.

Link glared at Yoshi angrily.

"Oh, yeah. We deserve the most screen time," explained Yoshi.

"Yeah!" protested Link, "We're under strike! We refuse to do anything remotely interesting until you give us more screen ti-"

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Oh yes we bombed the task!" said Falco excitedly, "We're awesome at coffee making!"

"Yes, yes, and now we shall mosey to the docks and beat only two teams to the last ferry!" replied Samus in a poor british accent.

The cameraman got bored and decided to go to a different team.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"We are so awesome!" said Falcon. "We are easily the first place team of the whole pa-"

_Samus and Falco  
On Last Ferry_

"Hooray for nonsense!" said Falco and Samus, "We're ninth place!"

…

"We suck," cried Samus.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Last Ferry_

"Yay we could get seventh if we tried hard enough when we make it to the island." Said Ganondorf bored.

…

The camera quickly shifted to a different team.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
On Last Ferry_

"Let's catch up, Diddy!" Said DK.

"Yeah, and let's-"

"Shut up, I can't stand your squeaky voice!" Seethed the cameraman. "And nobody likes you!"

Diddy cried.

"_Teams are now on one of three ferrys, which will head to the Pinna Park Island!" said Koopa. "Once there, teams must find their next clue at the entrance of the park!"_

"_On the first ferry which left at 9:00, is teams Marth and Ike, Mewtwo and Lucario and Kirby and King Dedede!"  
_"_On the second ferry which left at 9:20, is teams Ness and Pikachu, Roy and Snake and Toon Link and Jigglypuff!"  
_"_On the last ferry which left at 9:40, is teams Fox and Wolf, Link and Yoshi, Samus and Falco, Falcon and Ganondorf and DK and Diddy Kong!"_

_1__st__ ferry  
9:00 AM_

"We're gonna win this leg easily," smirked Ike. "No doubt about it."

"We can beat both these teams," laughed Marth, staring at Mewtwo and Lucario fight one another over a muffin.

_2__nd__ Ferry  
9:20 AM_

"I can now count to three!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

Nobody cared.

_Last Ferry  
9:40 AM_

Nothing interesting happened worth pointing out.

"Someone stole my bags!" said Samus, shocked.

As I said, nothing interesting happened.

"…And all my team's money!" gasped Samus.

Moving on.

_1__st__ Ferry  
Arrived at: 10:00 AM_

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're off the ferry first!" said Kirby excitedly, ripping open the clue they had automatically found. "Make your way to the Yoshi-go-round, and find your next clue!"

"_Teams must now go inside Pinna Park and find the Yoshi-go-round ride!" said Koopa Troopa. "Once there, teams must search for their next clue!"_

"Okay, let's hurry and get first place for this leg," said King Dedede evilly.

"Whatever," shrugged Kirby as they ran inside the carnival.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Heh, we're second and we're at the top." Said Lucario haughtily as he stood at the entrance of the park. "Maybe we can win this first leg."

"Oh look, the clue!" said Mewtwo in his squeaky annoying voice, psychokinetically dragging the clue towards him. "It says to look for the Yoshi-go-round ride! I love rides!"

"Gay!" accused Lucario instantly.

"I meant like riding carnival rides!" said Mewtwo desperately.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Oh no we're third now!" said Ike angrily, running off the boat. "Hurry, Marth!"

Marth panted as he struggled to walk out of the boat, carrying all the bags including Ike's as well.

"Can't you help me with these bags?!" asked Marth pleadingly.

"No, I'm moral support of the team," explained Ike.

"That's not helping!" cried Marth, being crushed by the weight from all the bags.

_2__nd__ Ferry  
Arrived at: 10:20 AM_

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"MOVE MOVE MOVE" said Snake, sprinting full speed off the boat.

"There's nobody behind us, we don't have to rush!" said Roy angrily, dragging his wheeled bags.

"You never know!" said Snake cautiously, "Danger is everywhere!"

There was nothing dangerous about the environment at all.

"Oh." Said Snake.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We need to have different methods…" said Toon Link sadly, "We're always too slow everywhere."

"I'll get a taxi and you get the next clue!" suggested Jigglypuff.

"A really good one…" said Toon Link, not paying attention to what Jigglypuff had said.

"I said…I will get a taxi and you find the next clue!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Like…a strategic one to save time…" said Toon Link thoughtfully.

"Like maybe what I just said?" asked Jigglypuff furiously.

"I know! I will get a taxi and you find the next clue!" said Toon Link.

"That's what I said!" said Jigglypuff. "And it's not right to steal people's ideas…"

"Actually, the last few times I thought of some great ideas, you would say you thought of them…" reminisced Toon Link.

"Stop living in the past!" spouted Jigglypuff, puffing up in anger as she went to go find a taxi.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Geez, it's still the first leg yet we've traveled so far," commented Pikachu as ran by Ness.

"Yeah, man, we've been racing for…26 hours now." Explained Ness, glancing at his watch which had only just now been mentioned, "Wow, and still the first leg. This race is amazing!"

"Okay, I can see the two other teams in our group just barely ahead!" said Pikachu, dashing towards them.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Yes, Twin Brothers are first place for once!" announced Mewtwo excitedly, getting out the champagne.

"Dude, not yet, we're almost there to the first pit stop though," laughed Lucario happily. "The clue is taped to this Yoshi statue on the Yoshi-go-round, help me get it off…"

Mewtwo got it out and read proudly, "Detour…Food…or…Water!"

"_Detour!" said Koopa Troopa, walking along the seashore of the Pinna Park Island, "A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its pros and cons!"_

"_In Food, teams must walk over to a table with various flavors of pies! Teams must then throw pies at the target…their partner! To receive their next clue, teams must throw pies at each other until they find one with red fillings inside! This task may seem not very physical, however, there are piles upon piles of pies, so if teams don't find one of the correct red-filling pies, they may be stuck there for quite a while!"_

"_In Water, teams must find a worker near the docks, who will then take them to some Motor boats, which they must ride on and perform tricks as they jump off the ramps on the sea! This task may seem a little more difficult and harder, but they only have to perform three tricks each!"_

"Let's do Food!" said Lucario, "Throwing pies sounds easy!"

Lucario also added quietly, "…And, I wanna knock his lights out when I throw the pies!"

"What?" asked Mewtwo, worried.

"Oh, nothing," laughed Lucario insanely.

…

"…Ha, ha, ha…" laughed Lucario.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're doing Food," chuckled King Dedede, "One because we can just inhale them and spit them at each other, and two because we wanna hurt one another!"

"We both agree on this, too," nodded Kirby, laughing evilly at the thought of knocking King Dedede around with pies.

"Best detour ever…" laughed Kirby and King Dedede evilly at the same time, rubbing their hands together like an evil schemer would.

They quickly straightened up and composed themselves.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We have to do water," said Ike, "I don't want to look like a freaking idiot, throwing pies at random people…"

"I don't have a say in it?" asked Marth angrily.

"Okay, what do you want to do?" asked Ike angrily.

Marth opened his mouth to speak.

"that's enough out of you, water it is!" said Ike angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Food_

"Okay, we're here, now let's wait for both of us to stock up on pies and then we'll-" said Mewtwo, but Lucario interrupted.

"Oh look, is that a grouse?" cackled Lucario evilly, lifting up a pie and smacking it in Mewtwo's face.

"Cheater!" sobbed Mewtwo, reaching for a pie.

Both were so busy chucking pies at one another, that they didn't realize that the one Lucario had first thrown, was the one with red-filling.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
On Food_

"Take that!" yelled Kirby, chucking a pie at King Dedede.

King Dedede merely inhaled it, so it didn't splat on him.

Kirby grunted. "You're no fun…"

_Marth and Ike  
Tricks performed: 1/3_

"I've already done one, how easy," chuckled Ike, pressing down on the speedboat's acceleration pedal and doing another trick on the ramp.

"Hurry man, I see the second ferry's here!" warned Marth to Ike.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Food_

"Take that, cheater!" screeched Mewtwo, chucking several pies all at Lucario.

"Whiny loser!" yelled Lucario, chucking several more pies at Mewtwo.

"Jerk!" hollered Mewtwo, jumping on top of Lucario, biting and kicking.

Everyone stared at them, covered in pie as they scratched and bit one another in a deathlock.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
On Food_

King Dedede inhaled about fifteen pies and spouted them all at Kirby, making him completely pie-covered.

"Auuggh!" cried Kirby, wiping the pies from his eyes.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We're here, and we pick to do Water," said Snake, "I can easily perform death-defying stunts with my eyes closed!"

…

"Because, they're not really death-defying stunts when you have your eyes open…" explained Snake sheepishly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Let's do Food," lamented Ness, "On this race we're supposed to have fun, and Food sounds way more fun."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Oh no, I can't find a taxi!" gasped Jigglypuff.

"Maybe because _we're on an island only __**1 mile long!!1**_" said Toon Link angrily.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Food_

"Ha ha, I was right, this is fun!" laughed Ness chucking another pie at Pikachu.

"Hee hee, taste _this_!" chuckled Pikachu, aiming another pie at Ness.

In everyone else's imagination that was watching, all they saw was a deluded boy throwing pies at a stuffed animal.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're throwing pies…" sang King Dedede as he tossed a pie over at Kirby, getting a direct hit.

Kirby glanced at the red-filling dripping down his face.

"Hey, hey we finished the task!!" said Kirby excitedly, running towards the guy with their next clue.

"Make your way to the top of the tallest tower on the island," read Kirby as King Dedede, sucked all the pie off of Kirby in a comical fashion.

"_Teams must now travel up a tower and find their next clue at the top!" said Koopa Troopa. "Once teams do that, they will find their next clue!"_

"Come on, we're in dead first!" said Kirby enthusiastically, running along towards the amazing race markers pointing to the tower.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"…To the tallest tower on the island." Finished Marth. "Come on, we're probably in first place right now! We're almost to the end!"

"Yeah, I can smell the mat already," said Ike chuckling.

…

"…What?!" asked Marth.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Hey! Hey!" yelled a man, breaking the two twin brothers apart, "You're done! You've _been_ done with the task for ten minutes now!"

"…Oh," said Lucario. "That sucks."

"Just take this and get the _**hell**_o kitty out of my park!" said the manager angrily.

"Oops?" laughed Mewtwo nervously.

"Climb the tallest tower in the park for your next clue," read Lucario. "We're second, maybe."

_Roy and Snake  
Tricks performed: 2/3_

"Ha ha, this is so easy!" laughed Snake, expertly performing every trick.

Roy nervously watched, afraid to do the tricks.

"We need to hurry, I think we're almost at the top of the pack," trembled Roy in fear.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Food_

"Yes, this task is awesome!" laughed Ness, having the time of his life.

"We're having soo much fun right now!" giggled Pikachu, tossing a pie.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Detour, Food or water?" read Jigglypuff.

"I say Food," said Jigglypuff.

"I say water." Lamented Toon Link. "Let's flip a coin."

Jigglypuff took out a coin and painted heads on both sides.

"I call heads!" she cackled evilly.

Some penny pincher person appeared out of nowhere and snatched the coin.

"Curses," said Jigglypuff angrily. "You win this time…"

_Last Ferry  
Arrived at: 10:40 AM_

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Find the Yoshi-go-round and find your next clue," read Wolf. "Let's do this, we have four other desperate teams back here waiting to beat us!"

"Uh-oh, here come two of them now!" gasped Fox, going into a slow jog towards the park.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're eighth now, rock on!" cheered Yoshi.

"We have to find the Yoshi-go-round ride and there will be our next clue!" explained Link. "I think it could be this way!"

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"We're ninth right now uncle, if we can just edge out these last two teams behind us…" said Diddy Kong desperately.

"Find the Yoshi-go-round! Now!" yelled DK in pure panic.

"It's a race to see who can find that ride thing first!" said Diddy Kong.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Man, this sucks everything, bro, we're tenth right now," said Ganondorf angrily, "Let's show them we can still be the best from the bottom back!"

"Yeah!" cheered Falcon, drunkenly hurting someone.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"We just need to be better than one team, and then we'll be okay," said Falco.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Just float to the top, and we'll stay in first Place!" laughed Kirby, "And hurry, I already see two other teams running towards this same tower!"

"Okay," said King Dedede, smiling dumbly as he floated up.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"Are you a good climber?" asked Ike.

"No. Are you?" asked Marth worriedly.

"Uh-oh." Said Marth and Ike at the same time.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Whoa bro, look, two teams ahead!" cried out Lucario, "Use your teleporting powers to get the clue first!"

"I don't think I'll be able to do it in time," said Mewtwo desperately, "the puffball rivals are almost at the top!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"You must now Climb the tallest tower in the park for your next clue," read Snake.

Roy was shivering from the water.

"Oh come on, don't be such a baby, dad," laughed Snake, "A little wetness won't kill you!"

It did.

"Oh, well…uh…I uh…well…" said Snake nervously.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Dude, let's just go ahead and follow another team," said Ness tiredly. "I'm too tired for anything now."

"Okay, judging by the looks of things, I'd say we're fifth right now," explained Pikachu.

"That's good enough, for the first leg," said Ness, knowing the pit stop was near.

"Come on, slowpoke!" laughed Ness playfully, running ahead of Pikachu.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Water_

"This task looks a little too hard," said Toon Link.

"Yeah," lamented Jigglypuff, "Let's quit this one and do the other one."

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Uncle and Nephew_

"Search, Diddy, search! We could be seventh if we hurry through this part fast enough!" said DK hurriedly, looking for the Yoshi-go-round.

"Everyone else on our ferry is already here and searching as well," said Diddy Kong dryly.

"Man, this is like a five-way battle on this detour!" said DK.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Yo, let's ally with them apes, that will help us for now," explained Ganondorf.

"Yeah, we'll need them, four helping hands is better than none," laughed Falcon evilly.

…

"I mean two," said Falcon quickly.

_Fox and Wolf  
Mortal Enemies_

"I can't find it!" whined Fox, sweating.

"Keep looking, this is to stay in the race for the second leg, dammit!" said Wolf angrily, crawling on all fours.

"But…I'm tirrredd…" sobbed Fox girlishly.

"Look, if you try harder, I promise at the pit stop _**I'll do**_ _**you**_ good!" said Wolf angrily.

"Yay!1" said Fox.

_Samus and Falco  
Flight Attendants_

"Everyone is looking, too," said Samus. "We need to stick close in case of a footrace that may happen."

"Yeah, I know this is about to happen," said Falco. "Just wait for someone to spot it, and then…"

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Man, we just aren't cut out for this type of stuff…" panted Link, crawling around the park in search for the next clue.

"Just look for a ride that has things like me as the ride!" explained Yoshi desperately.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

Kirby floated next to the cluebox and took the clue.

"You must now make your way back to the main island and go to Sirenna Beach, the pit stop!" read Kirby dramatically.

"_Teams must now make their way over the sea and back into the main island to the Sirenna Beach Hotel, the first of ten pit stops in this race around the world!" said Koopa Troopa. "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, __**will**__ be eliminated."_

"You must take one of eleven motorboats, and go to the north of here, where the hotel awaits!" read Kirby. "Hurry Dedede, we have to be first this time!"

Mewtwo appeared from nowhere and ripped open the clue. He read it, and teleported back to Lucario.

"Pit stop," said Mewtwo simply.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Damn puffballs and psychics, damn them and their cheating…" puffed Ike as he scaled the mountain.

"This sucks, I wish we had super powers like those two teams or something…" whined Marth.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Looks like we have to climb this!" explained Snake. "Let's start climbing!"

"Okay, but two teams have started their way to the pit stop!" explained Roy, "We must hurry so we can catch up!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"There's another team over there, starting to climb that huge tower!" said Ness surprised. "Let's do what they did!"

"Okay," agreed Pikachu.

_Marth and Ike_

"We're almost there!" said Marth overenthusiastically.

"Yeah!" cheered Ike. "Rock on!"

_Roy and Snake_

"Snake's climbing ahead…I'll just slow down…It's not like anyone's coming…" muttered Roy to himself. "No wait…I can see someone, I guess I better move faster."

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Wow…this is pretty big…" said Ness, in awe. "Well, let's start climbing so we can get in the top four!"

"Yeah…" sighed Pikachu, a little afraid. "I see everyone from the last ferry is looking for the detour clue, which is gonna probably buy us like a lot of time…"

"Let's start climbing," suggested Ness, already a foot up the climb.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're headed for the other task of the detour…called Food…" said Toon Link, running ahead of the slow Jigglypuff.

"I can see the last ferry teams! They're looking for the detour clue!" said Jigglypuff frantically.

"Oh no, we're probably only a few minutes ahead of them!" cried out Toon Link, sprinting his hardest to the Food area of the detour.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong_

"Whoa…whoa whoa whoa whoa!!" said Falcon excitedly, spotting the Yoshi-go-round ride and sprinting towards it.

Diddy Kong sped after him, and nobody else had noticed their excitement yet.

_Fox and Wolf_

"I don't see it around here…" murmured Wolf as he crawled on the ground, searching.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Hey, where are those teams going?" asked Link, pointing at DK and Falcon's teams.

"Probably to get food," suggested Yoshi.

"Yeah," agreed Link.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Longtime Enemies_

"There!" screamed Kirby, pointing to the Motorboats tied to the dock, "Jump in those!"

King Dedede hopped on one, making it sink deeper into the water a bit.

Kirby chuckled at the fat penguin's plight.

"Don't say anything, just come on," threatened the penguin, holding up his huge mallet.

"I get it." Replied Kirby as he tried to rev up the engine.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Brother, come look!" said Mewtwo, jumping excitedly, "The boats, the boats!"

"Quiet you moron, don't let the puffballs know where they are!" hissed Lucario, hitting his littler brother for his stupidity.

"Ha ha, you're the stupid one!" laughed Mewtwo, "They're already _here_!"

Mewtwo, like a spoiled brat would, poked his tongue out at his older brother at his error.

"Then run you idiot!" screamed Lucario, running like a maniac after the puffballs in the boats.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop on the main island," read Marth. "…Sirenna Beach Hotel!"

"We have to use those ranks of motorboats where the psychics and puffballs are at!" yelled Ike, jumping down the huge slide.

"WHEEE!!1" said Ike childishly.

When they reached land, Ike cried. "I wanna go again! Please!" he cried.

"But…we're in a race…" said Marth, confused at Ike's OOCness.

"That's right, so quit stalling!" snarled Ike, having a mood swing.

"O…kay…" said Marth, running to the boats.

_Roy and Snake_

"Go faster…" wheezed Roy. "…The kids are…here Snake…they're below me…"

Snake pushed himself onto the top of the tower, panted for thirty seconds and ripped open the clue.

"Pit stop!" yelled Snake dramatically, helping Roy up.

They hopped down the slide Marth and Ike went on.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Man…we're still climbing this thing…" coughed Ness, slowly getting higher and higher.

"Okay, nobody has reached the bottom of the tower…" explained Pikachu happily. "We're way ahead of lots of teams!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Food_

Jigglypuff threw a pie directly at Toon Link's face.

"Heh, this task's more fun!" giggled Jigglypuff.

Toon Link splatted her with a pie.

"No it's not!" cried Jigglypuff.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Detour, Food or water?" read DK. "Food, way easier."

"Yes, we'll probably get seventh this leg!" said Diddy Kong over excitedly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Yes, we're like ahead of the whole last ferry basically." Said Ganondorf, ripping the clue open. "Detour, Food or Water?"

"Water man, definitely," said Falcon smugly. "Because it's more AWESOME!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Wait…there's the Yoshi-go-round!" screamed Fox excitedly, pointing where DK and Diddy, and Falcon and Ganondorf were.

Wolf shushed Fox, but too late. Everyone else saw, and a footrace began.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Longtime Enemies_

"Dude, hurry up with that engine," said Kirby furiously, "One more team is in a boat, and two others are hurrying this way!"

"I'm trying, Kirbs…" said King Dedede angrily, trying to start the engine.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Hurry! Hurry!" screamed Mewtwo, shaking Lucario, "Two more teams coming!"

"I know!" yelled Lucario back, punching Mewtwo.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"There are the boats!" said Roy, dashing alongside his son Snake.

"Oh no Dad, we won't make this in time!" said Snake.

_Marth and Ike_

"The father and son got ahead!" yelled Marth angrily.

"Go faster!" yelled Ike.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Okay, pit stop!" yelled Ness as he held Pikachu's arm and went down the huge slide.

They landed in the muddy puddle below, and ran towards the other four teams, at the boats.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We've finished the detour!" said Jigglypuff, hyperventilating from the excitement.

"Don't die on me now!" cried Toon Link, shaking her.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
tricks performed: 0/3_

"Whoa man," laughed Falcon drunkenly, "This looks freaking uber awesome!"

"Yeah, we picked the awesome one," chuckled Ganondorf, stumbling to his trick boat.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
On Food_

"Toss a pie at me, Diddy!" explained DK, "You have to hit my face!"

"Okay," chuckled Diddy Kong, tossing a pie straight up in the air.

…

It fell on Diddy Kong's head.

He cried.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Wolf.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Food or…" said Yoshi.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"…uh…Food or…" said Falco.

"That's _Water_, Falco." Said Samus.

"I can't read, okay!?" cried Falco.

_Docks  
11:05 AM_

A shot of the sun reaching the middle of the sky.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're off!" shouted Kirby excitedly.

Their motorboat zoomed off, followed by teams Mewtwo and Lucario, and Marth and Ike.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Can't you get our boat started, son?" asked Roy worriedly. "…The others are going to the pit stop!"

"Don't worry," laughed Snake, "They won't get far!"

"What did you do?!" asked Roy, horrified.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Oh my gosh, the father and son's boat isn't working!" said Ness happily, their boat working normally.

They zoomed past Roy and Snake, who watched the friends depart, angrily.

"No!" said Roy.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We have to find the tallest building…" said Jigglypuff, looking around.

"Wow, this race is so fun!" said Toon Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
tricks performed: 2/3_

"This is awesome, man…" laughed Falcon as he watched Ganondorf perform his third and final trick perfectly.

"My turn!" screamed Captain Falcon girlishly.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
On Food_

"Yes!" cheered Diddy Kong, smacking a pie in DK's face. "Taste that!"

DK tossed a pie at him, getting him as well.

"This is fun!" said DK.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Water_

"This will be so much fun…" giggled Fox. "I get to watch my boyfrie-" Wolf kicked him, "-Bestie do some really cool tricks!"

"Did you say…Boyfrie-"

"Best Friends!" said Fox and Wolf angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Where the heck is that pie stand?" asked Link.

"A customer!" said Yoshi happily, walking up to a man, "Need some lawyers? Here we are, at your service!"

"Uhh…I don't need a lawyer…" said the man.

"Yes you do!" said Yoshi, lying. "I am very well-known!" Yoshi had lied again, he wasn't known. "And-"

"I don't need one!" protested the man angrily.

"Sir, would I lie to you?" lied Yoshi.

_Sirenna Beach  
11:17 AM_

The three leading teams had landed on the shore and were running towards the hotel.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hurry! Hurry!" screamed Mewtwo, right behind his older brother.

"This is so freaking close!" cried out Lucario.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Longtime Enemies_

"Run, fatass!" yelled Kirby. "You're so slow!"

King Dedede was lagging behind everyone, taking up the end of the footrace.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"I don't wanna get third!" cried Ike.

_Pit Stop: Sirenna Beach Hotel  
11:20 AM_

Kirby, followed by Marth, Mewtwo, Lucario, Ike and King Dedede, darted into the hotel's main room.

Marth slashed Kirby out of the way with his trusted sword, Falchion.

Mewtwo psychokinetically ripped Falchion in half, and tossed it at Ike, slowing the blue head down.

King Dedede tripped purposefully and whammed into Lucario, careening the jackal far off course.

Kirby dashed up the stairs and spotted the mat. He ran onto it, smiling proudly.

"Hurry, Dedede!" called out Kirby, "I've made it!"

Everyone was preventing the penguin from going up the stairs.

Marth and Ike ran up the stairs. Ike landed on the mat, laughing at beating the other teams.

He then turned and realized Marth had been knocked away from the mat, by some missile.

It had been from Snake, who had bounded up the stairs and knocked everyone out of the way.

Roy meekly tried to go around the fight, but Ness and Pikachu who were the other latecomers tackled him.

Mewtwo backhanded Ike off the mat. Ike stumbled back onto the mat, dazed.

Mewtwo teleported onto the mat, and Lucario made a run for it as well.

Ness used PK Flash, which knocked everyone who had gotten on the mat, Ike, Kirby and Mewtwo, off of the mat.

Ness threw Pikachu onto the amazing race mat. He ran for it, but then King Dedede slammed him against a wall.

The fat bird continued to pummel the kid mercilessly.

Lucario stepped onto the mat, and wrestled with Ike who also stepped on the mat.

Kirby was on the mat, and kicked Pikachu the stuffed animal, off of it.

King Dedede almost stepped on the mat, but Marth engaged in a fight with the penguin.

Mewtwo and Marth jumped onto the mat the _exact moment_ that Ike and Lucario had rolled off of it.

"Dammit!" screamed Marth and Mewtwo. King Dedede stepped onto the mat, silently cheering.

Snake forced his way onto the mat. Ike and Lucario were in a deathlock, both tightly gripping onto one another, and they were rolling towards the mat.

Roy was following Snake, but then Ness smacked the father with his stuffed friend, Pikachu.

Ike and Lucario were now rolling away from the mat. "COME ON!" yelled Mewtwo.

Roy kicked Ness away and stepped onto the mat.

Ike and Lucario rolled onto the mat, Lucario touching it just before the blue haired swordsman.

Ness stepped onto the mat, holding Pikachu's hand.

Koopa Troopa stared, amazed. "Uh…Team…"

Everyone looked onward, not remembering who had gotten to the mat first.

"…_Kirby and King Dedede_, you are team number _**one**_!" finished Koopa.

"YES!" cheered Kirby and King Dedede.

"And as the winners for this leg of the race, you have both won one thousand dollars! Each!" said Koopa.

The other four teams looked down in shame.

"Team Roy and Snake…you are team number _two_…" said Koopa, watching their faces shine.

The other three stared, in anger at Roy and Snake.

"Team Mewtwo and Lucario, you are the third team to arrive!" said Koopa.

"That's okay," said Mewtwo, hugging his brother in love.

"…_However!_"

Mewtwo and Lucario muttered, "uh-oh…"

"…You two have a thirty-minute time penalty, as Lucario had smoked earlier on in the race!" explained Koopa.

"Dammit!" cried Mewtwo, slapping his older brother, "Your stupid drug addictions gave us a freaking penalty!"

"My bad…" sighed Lucario ashamedly. "I should have known!"

"So if you please, could you go wait over there for your penalty to end…" explained Koopa, pointing to a shady spot with a bench and a tree growing inside the hotel above it.

They sat down, watching angrily.

"Team Marth and Ike, you are the fourth team to arrive," explained Koopa, "However because Lucario had smoked, which gave them a penalty, you are team number _three_!"

"It is better than fourth or below…" grumbled Ike reluctantly.

"And Ness and Pikachu!" said Koopa dramatically.

Ness and Pikachu beamed with delight.

"…You are the fourth team to arrive…" said Koopa.

Ness frowned.

"…However, you quit the detour, which you never finished!" explained Koopa, "You must go back and finish it before I can check you in!"

"Oh no!" gasped Ness, "We'll fall behind!"

"Come on, let's go back," said Pikachu nervously.

"Let's hurry and finish this…" sighed Ness, angry with himself.

_Pinna Park Island_

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Okay, We're headed for the pit stop!" said Jigglypuff dramatically.

"Yes, let's go down this slide now!" said Toon Link.

"Can you help us find the slide?" asked Jigglypuff, to the screen, and she was freaking right next to it.

"Click, on the blue slide!" said Toon Link.

"This isn't Dora the explorer!" said the cameraman angrily.

_Fox and Wolf  
Completed Detour_

"Come on, we beat the other last ferry teams!" said Wolf excitedly, running towards the tallest tower.

"We're like easily seventh right now!" laughed Fox wolfishly.

"Hey!" said Wolf angrily, "Don't steal my laugh!"

They chuckled at Wolf's pathetic pun.

"Oh hun, you're so funny!" said Fox cutely.

"Did you-"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We finished the task, man!" said Falcon excitedly, "And I can see the apes coming with us!"

"Can we join you guys?" asked DK sheepishly, walking up.

"Sure bro, we'll help each other!" said Ganondorf, suave.

"Awesome!" said Diddy Kong, "We'll be buds!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Penalized: 25:26_

"Meh…" said Lucario, shifting his footpaws around on the ground.

"We've been here for five minutes, and no teams. That's a good sign!" said Mewtwo optimistically.

"Yeah, this isn't so bad…" mused Lucario.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Let's hurry and end this leg…We're falling behind already…" said Ness angrily as their boat sped back to Pinna park Island, with a team near the boats.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Where the bloody _heel_ are the boats?!" asked Jigglypuff comically.

Canned laughter.

"Oh no, we're apparently stranded here!" said Toon Link, faking a gasp.

"Oooh yeaah," said Jigglypuff, sizing Toon Link up. In a family friendly kind of way.

Canned laughter.

_Fox and Wolf_

"Climbin'…" sang Fox and Wolf, holding hands as they climbed up the tower.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
DK and Diddy Kong  
Tied for 8__th__ Place_

"Okay, I can tell we're tied for eighth now!" said Diddy Kong cheerfully, running ahead of the two other teams.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Penalized: 20:06_

"Ha ha, it's probably been about twelve minutes already!" laughed Lucario, "This is ticking away, and no one has come!"

"We rule!" said Mewtwo and Lucario.

_Fox and Wolf  
Mortal Enemies_

"Let's go!" said Fox, whose belt was snagged onto the cluebox, which made his pants fall down.

"Rainforest café boxers?!" said Wolf, confused as he saw Fox's boxers.

"I like Rainforest café, okay?" cried Fox, trying to pull up his pants.

"No, leave your pants down, I like it that way," said Wolf sexily.

"Ahem." Said the cameraman.

"Yeah…maybe you really should pull your pants up…" said Wolf shiftily.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff

"We're horrible!" Screamed Toon Link, because they didn't find the motorboats, "And we'll never be able to race again!"

"There there," Said Jigglypuff comfortingly, "I'm sure I'll be in another Season…"

"…And?" Asked Toon Link angrily.

"And what?" Said Jigglypuff angrily.

"What about me?" asked Toon Link. "Am I gonna be in another season?"

…

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff. "Uh, there there, I'm sure I'll be in another season…"

_Link and Yoshi  
On Food_

"Why don't we have enough pies?" asked Link angrily.

"You sold them all," said Yoshi simply.

…

"Did you try to stop me?" asked Link.

"Yes," said Yoshi angrily.

"Oh." Said Link.

…

_Samus and Falco  
tricks performed: 1/3_

"Dude…this is going to slow…" said Samus angrily, "I really just want to hurry up and get eliminated…"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Okay, here's the detour," said Ness, running towards the table with pies. They saw Link and Yoshi there.

Selling pies.

…For money.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Penalized: 15:18_

"We're about halfway through now…" said Lucario boringly.

"Yeah…uh-huh…" sighed Mewtwo, playing with some weeds.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"The boats!" said Jigglypuff and Toon Link dramatically, hopping inside and driving off simultaneously.

"Awesome!" said Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

_Fox and Wolf  
Mortal Enemies_

"Beat those kids there!" said Fox angrily, he and Wolf jumping inside their boat.

"There's…uh…five other boats here, we're sixth…" said Wolf, "We'll be in the middle, ahead of half and behind half…"

_Link and Yoshi  
On Food_

People were waiting in line to buy pie from Link and Yoshi.

"Do you think we should start throwing the pies at one another?" asked Yoshi.

"Naah, this is a big racket we have here! We'll start throwing pies in an hour or so!" explained Link.

"Oh." Said Yoshi.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
DK and Diddy Kong_

"Here, Diddy climbs up and gets two clues for both our teams!" said DK.

"Yes!" said Diddy, scampering up to the top of the tower.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Penalized: 10:01_

"You have ten minutes remaining." Said Koopa.

Every second that ticked down, a heart sound effect would play, going 'bump-bump' for every second.

"Yeah…so suspenseful…" said Lucario, falling asleep.

_Samus and Falco  
tricks performed: 2/3_

"One more trick and we shall be done!" said Samus.

_Link and Yoshi  
On Food_

"Okay, now we'll do the task," explained Link, sluggishly moving, being weighed down from all the money they gained from their pie-selling.

"Man, let's donate some of the money," explained Yoshi.

"Yeah!" they cheered, throwing tons of money at some charity gig.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Penalized: 06:47_

"Six minutes are remaining…" said Mewtwo.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Come on…" said Ness angrily, throwing pie after pie at Pikachu in high hopes.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Throw the pies!" said Link, getting nailed with three different pies at the same time.

"Wohoo!" said Yoshi and Link. "Awesome!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
DK and Diddy Kong  
Tied for 7__th__ Place_

"Make your way to…**pit stop!**1" said Ganondorf dramatically.

"Yeah!" said the three other racers happily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Penalization completed_

"I can check you in now, Mewtwo and Lucario!" said Koopa.

They dashed onto the mat.

"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are team number four!" said Koopa.

"Woot." They said dully. "We only went down one rank."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Arrived 5__th__ Place_

"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number five!" Said Koopa.

"What was _your_ favorite part?" asked Jigglypuff to the screen.

She paused for ten seconds.

"…How convenient, that was _my_ favorite part, too!" she said cheerfully.

_Fox and Wolf  
Arrived 6__th__ Place_

"Okay, run onto the mat!" said Wolf.

Fox stepped on a rug.

"No, this one!" said Wolf angrily.

Fox and Wolf stepped on the amazing race mat.

"Team Fox and Wolf, you are team number six!" said Koopa Troopa. "How does it feel to be ahead of half the pack and behind another half?"

"It feels good," said Wolf, "We could have done better, if we got the second ferry and not the last."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Okay, there's the boats!" said Ganondorf. "TO THE FRAT-MOBILE!"

They ran up to a crudely done boat, with the words 'Frat Mobyl' written on the side. In sharpie.

"Awesome!" they whooped, jumping in the boat. "To the pit stop!"

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"How come we don't have boat called a frat mobile, huh?" cried Diddy Kong, at DK, "Why not? I wanna boat called the frat mobile too!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Completed Detour_

"Okay, now we can check in at the pit stop!" said Ness, smiling as he followed teams DK and Diddy and the frat boys.

"We did good!" said Pikachu satisfied.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 10__th__ Place_

"Come on, Yoshi, let's climb this freaking tower and stay in the race!" said Link angrily, climbing like a madman.

"We can't be first eliminees!" cried out Yoshi.

"Well, I'll see to that!" cackled Link evilly.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Chase after those Lawyers, Samus!" said Falco angrily, "We can't lose the first leg, it's stupid!"

"This is not gonna end for us!" replied Samus angrily, chucking a grenade at the Lawyers.

_Link and Yoshi_

"OH NO GRENADE ATTACK" said Link and Yoshi at the same time.

They attacked the grenade with their suitcases.

_Pit Stop: Sirenna Beach Hotel_

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

They located the mat and landed on it.

"Team Captain Falcon and Ganondorf," said Koopa, "You are team number _seven_!"

"Awesome!" cheered the frats.

"What's our prize?" asked Falcon.

"Uhh…you came seventh…" said Koopa sheepishly.

"But seven is the lucky number!" protested Falcon.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Uncle and Nephew_

"We can't find the pit stop!" said DK frantically, looking around the Beach.

"Where's the hotel?!" asked Diddy. "How about we ask the local advice center?"

An advice center, which had not been there thirty minutes ago, was magically and clichéd-ly behind them.

"Okay!" said DK, running inside.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Get in the boats! Now!" said Link angrily, jumping inside a boat.

"Man, the flight attendants are in their boat too…" sighed Yoshi, frightened.

_Samus and Falco_

"Start our boat, this is coming down to a three-way footrace!" said Samus panicking.

"Augh, the kids are far ahead, we just have to edge out the lawyers and we'll be in," said Falco in panic.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"We've reached the land!" said Ness excitedly, jumping out the boat and running up to a bike shop.

"We're getting a tandem bike!" said Pikachu. "Easier to get to places!"

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong_

"Where's the advice clerk?!" asked Diddy Kong in horror, looking around.

_Link and Yoshi  
Samus and Falco_

"Land!" said everyone dramatically.

They began a footrace.

"Taxi!" yelled Yoshi quickly.

"Taxi!" screamed Samus angrily.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Hurry I think we can still stay in!" said Pikachu inspirationally, pedaling in the chair ahead of Ness.

"This is so tight!" squealed Ness in terror, seeing Link and Yoshi's taxi drive behind them.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We're stuck behind those stupid kids!" said Yoshi angrily. "We have to beat them in time!"

"And the flight attendants are strangely enough, right behind _us_!" said Link angrily.

_Samus and Falco  
Currently in Last Place_

"Time for desperate measures," said Falco evilly.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong_

"We're looking for a Sirenna Beach Hotel!" said Diddy Kong.

"Actually, it's laughably enough, right behind you!" laughed Lucas the advice center worker.

"Thanks!" said the apes, running for the hotel.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Let's follow the apes!" said Ness, pedaling harder on his bike.

"Come on, we can still stay in this race!" said Pikachu desperately.

"Yeah, this is pretty close…" muttered Ness to himself.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Arrived 8__th__ Place_

They ran onto the mat in time.

"Team Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, you are team number eight!" said Koopa. "You guys seem happy. Thought you would be last?"

"Well," puffed DK. "The bottom three teams were closing in behind us, and well, we went to get advice from a local, and we thought maybe the teams made it while we had gotten information…"

"Well, you're still in!" said Koopa Troopa.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Go man, go!" yelled Ness, chaining their bike down and running for the door to the hotel.

"They're coming out the door!" screamed Pikachu in horror at Link and Yoshi. Behind them was Samus and Falco, running by them.

_Samus and Falco_

"We can't lose now!" said Falco terrified, "I don't wanna go out!"

"Man oh man we're tenth," said Samus, breaking down.

_Link and Yoshi_

"There, take all our money," screamed Link, running after the two last teams.

"Ahhh, we're morons!" cried Yoshi, sobbing as he sprinted.

_Pit Stop_

Ness and Pikachu ran in, and darted up the stairs, because they knew where the pit stop already was.

Yoshi, being very fast and swift, ran up after them and knocked them down. He stepped onto the mat.

Samus and Falco knocked Link over and ran for the mat. Samus was yanked down by Link, who both began a fistfight.

Ness stepped onto the mat. He yelled for Pikachu to come.

"Ha ha," laughed Falco, "That kid really thinks that stuffed animal is gonna land on that map and-"

Pikachu, the inanimate object was on the mat, and had received no help from Ness.

…

Falco grunted angrily.

"Run, Link! You two are the last teams!" yelled Yoshi, throwing money to distract Samus and Falco.

It ended up distracting only Link.

"LINK!1" said Yoshi desperately.

"Okay, okay," said Link, slowed down by the money.

Samus kicked Link away, and followed Falco, who was running for the mat.

Falco jumped onto the mat.

Link stabbed Samus in her eyes, blinding her.

Link ran for the mat.

Samus picked up a conveniently placed cane for the blind and started making her way towards the pit stop.

Samus was accidentally hitting Link with the cane, hurting him badly.

Samus tripped on Link, in her confusion of being blind.

Both landed on the mat, but because Samus fell on **top of **Link, her team got last.

"Team Ness and Pikachu, you're team number nine!" said Koopa. "You made it!"

"We did it," said Ness, relieved.

"Link and Yoshi you're team number ten," said Koopa, "And Samus and Falco, you are unfortunately the last team to arrive. And I'm sorry to say, you have been eliminated from the race!"

"Well," said Falco, "We had fun."

"We enjoy going on this race beca-" said Samus.

"Meh," said Koopa, interrupting and ending the leg.

**Finish Times:**

Kirby and King Dedede: 11:23 AM

Roy and Snake: 11:24 AM

Marth and Ike: 11:25 AM

Mewtwo and Lucario: 11:55 AM

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 12:01 PM

Fox and Wolf: 12:04 PM

Falcon and Ganondorf: 12:35 PM

Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong: 12:53 PM

Ness and Pikachu: 1:25 PM

Link and Yoshi: 1:26 PM

**Samus and Falco: 1:27 PM – Eliminated**

Yes, I'm finally back! Review, and tell me who you liked, who you thought was funny, who should win the race, and who should be eliminated next!

And I know that this season will be greater than the first one! I know it! Because this was released so early, don't expect to see leg two for a while!


	2. They'll Never Use your Quotes!

"Last time, on the Extra smashy amazing race," said Koopa, "Eleven teams set out on a race around the world! Teams started out in Smashville, and went to Delfino Island!"

_"Go buy some tickets from the local airport to Delfino Island," read Kirby slightly bored._

"Team Kirby and King Dedede bickered with one another frequently, constantly shifting in their position of the pecking order!" said Koopa.

"_What about the puffball?" asked the female airport worker._

"_He is…uh…my luggage," said Dedede unconvincingly._

"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff cunningly called ahead of time at the starting line to book tickets…"

_"It departs at 9:00? Okay," Said Toon Link, hanging up._

"…And it payed off, making them ahead of seven teams and pushing them into fifth place!"

_"…You are team number five!" said Koopa enthusiastically._

_"Yay!1" cheered Toon Link and Jigglypuff._

"Frats Falcon and Ganondorf hardly got to the airport before they ran into trouble!"

"_I'm sorry sirs, you shall be arrested for drinking whilst driving," explained an officer._

"_WHAT?!" asked Ganondorf, clearly stone drunk, "Whaddya mean we can't drink and drive at the same time?!"_

_"I refuse!" yelled Falcon, also drunk. He closed the taxi door and sped 100mph over the speed limit._

"The teams made various stops at hotels and bus departures, changing everyone's order in placing frequently." Said Koopa, "And teams Kirby and King Dedede and Marth and Ike stayed at the front!"

_"We're obviously gonna win the million," scoffed Ike, "I mean, we're first to everywhere…"_

_"Come on, fattie," said Kirby, poking the penguin's belly, "Let's stay at the top!"_

"Mewtwo and Lucario, bickering twins made minor errors, setting them in back of the pack for most of the leg!"

"_Wait did I make the right turn?" asked Lucario._

"_Ummm…no I think." Said Mewtwo._

_"You need to be a better brother, letting me do that," reprimanded Lucario as he started to smoke._

"…Though they managed to be on the first ferries out of three, making them place well!"

_"We're first ferry," said Lucario somewhat excited._

"Once the top five teams had finished the detour, it became a motorboat race to see who reached the pit stop first! Teams Marth and Ike, Mewtwo and Lucario, Ness and Pikachu, Kirby and King Dedede & Roy and Snake duked it out…"

_Marth slashed Kirby out of the way with his trusted sword, Falchion._

_Mewtwo psychokinetically ripped Falchion in half, and tossed it at Ike, slowing the blue head down._

"…With Kirby and King Dedede winning the first leg!"

_"You are team number one!" said Koopa._

"…Teams Roy and Snake, Mewtwo and Lucario, Marth and Ike and Ness and Pikachu reached the mat as second, third, fourth and fifth, but because Lucario had smoked during the race, his team received a thirty minute penalty!"

_"Dammit!" said Mewtwo, breaking down sobbing._

"…This only set them back half-an-hour behind the other three teams, making them fourth, not third!"

_"You are team number four!" said Koopa. "Only one rank down!"_

"Ness and Pikachu had to go back and complete the detour, which then they could check in the pit stop. However, as more and more teams reached the mat before them…"

_"Toon Link and Jigglypuff…You are team number five!" said Koopa enthusiastically._

_"Fox and Wolf…" said Koopa. "You're team number six!"_

_"Falcon and Ganondorf, you are team number seven!"_

_"Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong! You're fortunately team number eight!"_

"…They ended up in the final footrace to avoid being eliminated!"

_"Get in the boats! Now!" said Link angrily, jumping inside a boat._

_"Start our boat, this is coming down to a three-way footrace!" said Samus panicking._

_"We're getting a tandem bike!" said Pikachu. "Easier to get to places!"_

"…And teams Ness and Pikachu, Samus and Falco and Link and Yoshi fought to not be eliminated on the first leg!"

"_Land!" said everyone dramatically._

_They began a footrace._

"_Taxi!" yelled Yoshi quickly._

"_Taxi!" screamed Samus angrily._

"…However, after a close call in a battle against Link and Yoshi the lawyers…"

_Link stabbed Samus in her eyes, blinding her._

_Link ran for the mat. _

_Samus picked up a conveniently placed cane for the blind and started making her way towards the pit stop._

_Samus was accidentally hitting Link with the cane, hurting him badly._

_Samus tripped on Link, in her confusion of being blind._

_Both landed on the mat, but because Samus fell on __**top of **__Link, her team got last._

"…Samus and Falco, were eliminated!"

"_Team Ness and Pikachu, you're team number nine!" said Koopa. "You made it!"_

"_We did it," said Ness, relieved._

"_Link and Yoshi you're team number ten," said Koopa, "And Samus and Falco, you are unfortunately the last team to arrive. And I'm sorry to say, you have been eliminated from the race!"_

"_Well," said Falco, "We had fun."_

"Ten teams remain…who will be eliminated…next?" asked Koopa.

**The Teams:**

Captain Falcon and Ganondorf (_Fraternity Brothers_)

Marth and Ike (_Swordsmen_)

Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong (_Uncle and Nephew_)

Kirby and King Dedede (_Old Enemies_)

Roy and Snake (_Father and Son_)

Ness and Pikachu (_Best Friends_)

Fox and Wolf (_Entrepreneurs_)

Mewtwo and Lucario (_Twin Brothers_)

Link and Yoshi (_Lawyers_)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (_Students_)

"After arriving at the first pit stop, all teams have to undertake a mandatory rest period where they can sleep, eat, and mingle with the other teams!" said Master Hand.

"Can teams Roy and Snake and Marth and Ike overcome team winners Kirby and King Dedede and win the second leg? Will bad relationships in teams like Kirby and King Dedede's slow them down? And can teams Ness and Pikachu make up for their terrible mistake, forcing them from fifth to ninth?"

"Kirby and King Dedede, who were the first to arrive at the pit stop at 11:23 AM, shall depart at 11:23 PM!" said Koopa Troopa.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
1__st__ to depart; 11:23 PM_

"Okay, we're out so read the clue!" said King Dedede, chuckling as he prodded his rival.

"Ugh," said Kirby in anger at his annoying teammate. He ripped the clue open and read aloud, "Make your way to the Island's Plaza, once there you will find your next clue near sunny side hotel, the place teams had stopped at for a break last leg."

_"Teams must now go back to Delfino Plaza and find the hotel they had stayed at during part of the first leg!" said Koopa. "Once there, teams will be handed their next clue by the owner!"_

"Man, we're already beat," said Kirby tiredly. "You have 56 dollars for this leg of the race."

"I wonder why…" cackled King Dedede, holding up the rest of the money, 107 dollars.

"What?! You hog, give me the freaking money back!" said Kirby angrily, trying to jump up and take the money back.

He was too short.

King Dedede stuck his foot out in front of Kirby, making the puffball not run any further.

"It's for a good cause," sang King Dedede horribly.

"What cause?" asked Kirby angrily.

"The 'Have Kirby get to eat for this leg' fund," cackled King Dedede evilly.

"Listen, we have to use that to get tickets maybe!" said Kirby groveling. "Please!"

"…'At McDonalds'…" finished King Dedede evilly.

"Let's go," said Kirby, already ready to go.

_Roy and Snake  
2__nd__ to depart; 11:24 PM_

"Wow, dad, it's nighttime…" said Snake. "It's been exactly twelve hours since we checked in on the very first leg…"

"Okay, we can see the puffballs leaving just now," explained Roy, "We figure we can catch up to them at an airport or something…"

"Let's go!" said Snake joyfully as their taxi drove off.

_Marth and Ike  
3__rd__ to depart; 11:25 PM_

"Okay, we're apparently, according to the clue, not leaving Delfino Island yet," explained Marth wisely, "I narrowed down the cheapest cabs to the hotel we were at…"

"Wow, that was a waste of time," scoffed Ike as he ran ahead of Marth and jumped inside the taxi.

Marth grunted. Angrily.

_Kirby and King Dedede_

"Ooh, there's a good McDonald's…" chuckled King Dedede heartily as he drove in the drive-through.

"Listen, Dedede…" said Kirby, patting the penguin to show he was meaning business, "Can we please…do McDonald's later and not stop at one every two hours?"

"Meh," said King Dedede, driving out of the drive-through…

"Yes," said Kirby excitedly to himself.

…And driving into the parking lot, so he would go inside instead.

"No!1" screamed Kirby, aggravated.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We had lost those ravenous-eating puffballs…" said Roy suspiciously. "But we hope we get there first!"

"Okay, we're about a couple miles away from that place now," said Snake as he glanced at their map.

"I don't know if we're just about ahead of the puffballs, or behind…" said Roy with excitement.

"Wow, this is pretty tense…" said Snake, extremely tense.

Kirby and King Dedede

"You gonna eat those fries?" asked King Dedede with a mouthful of French fries.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I hope it doesn't come down to a footrace…" said Roy, frightened.

"What if we're going the wrong way?!" asked Snake, angered.

Kirby and King Dedede

"'Cuz if you aren't, I'll eat them for you," said King Dedede, swallowing his fries.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Okay we're about third still, because we've been jammed inside some of the traffic!" said Ike angrily.

"Dude, you really need to learn patience," said Marth calmly.

"Who's this patience guy and what does he want?!" asked Ike, pointing a gun at Marth threateningly.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, we're within the plaza, and we have to run at this point," said Snake knowingly.

"I think we're in first!" cheered Roy, slamming the door shut loudly.

"OH NO GET DOWN!!1" cried Snake, tackling Roy.

"I slammed my door shut! Quit tackling me!" said Roy angrily, pushing Snake off of him.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Dedede!" cried Kirby, pointing across the street to sunny side hotel, "The place is _right there_!"

King Dedede listened as he continued to snort down the food.

"We're still in a race!" said Kirby angrily. "We have to finish what we have started!"

"Race?!" said King Dedede, confused. "Listen boy, I gotta have mah daily food intake or I'll get grumpy!" said King Dedede in his southern accent like in the anime.

"Don't you want to win the million dollars?!" sobbed Kirby.

"Boy," said King Dedede in the accent, wiping the crumbs away, "I'm _already_ a millionaire!"

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Hmm…I feel like we just went up a spot!" said Marth satisfied as he watched Kirby and King Dedede argue as they sat at McDonald's across the street.

Ike ran inside McDonald's, yelling, "We're ahead of you, ha ha!"

"Ike you idiot!" said Marth angrily, dragging Ike out of the store, "Now they know they're about third!"

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Okay, there it is!" said Roy happily as he jumped out the car and ran up to the clue box.

"It says to now make your way to the library," explained Roy happily as he read it.

_"Teams must now drive through Delfino Plaza and make it to the library on the other side of the plaza!" said Koopa. "It is here that teams will find their next clue!"_

"Let's sell stuff," explained Snake.

"Uh, this is explaining where to go," said Roy.

"I make the calls!" said Snake angrily.

…

…

"Hello?" said Snake into the telephone.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Make your way to the library," read Marth. "Come on, we're still second now!"

"Okay," said Ike, loading some guns.

"Are the weapons necessary?" asked Marth angrily.

"(Insert smart remark here)," said Ike, shooting Marth.

_Kirby and King Dedede_

"We're third, we can pig out in the car!" said Kirby angrily, shoving King Dedede's overweight body out the door.

King Dedede fell on the ground.

"I can't get up, boy!" cried King Dedede, "Help me!"

"Ha ha!" laughed Kirby. "Never!" Kirby thought for a moment, then added, "Are you ready to leave and run the race now? Say yes and race or I shall leave you here!!1"

Kirby began cackling evilly, rubbing his stubs for arms together.

"Nope!" chuckled King Dedede, puffing himself up and getting up, "Ra ra ra ra ra!!"

"WHY CAN'T I HAVE A COOPERATIVE PARTNER?!" cried Kirby, blowing a few veins on his forehead.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
4__th__ to depart; 11:55 PM_

"Okay, seeing we're fourth and with three teams far ahead and two close behind, it's crunch time," said Lucario, hopping in the car with his bags.

Mewtwo cautiously walked in, and sat down.

"Yes…crunch time…" said Mewtwo unenthusiastically.

"I'll get the steamroller ready," cackled Lucario evilly.

"Why don't we just leave traps for the two teams behind us?" suggested Mewtwo cunningly in a serious tone wearing his 'smart glasses' and folding his arms, "We can then leave here, knowing that two teams ar-"

"Shut up!" said Lucario angrily, downing his beer, "I come up with the great ideas! You just sit there and nod!"

…

"I know!" said Lucario dramatically, "How about we-"

"Are you suggesting the idea I suggested?" asked Mewtwo angrily. "Because that joke is so unorigina-"

"I said nod," grunted Lucario, holding Mewtwo at gunpoint.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're here!" said Roy, hopping out of the car. He slammed the door shut.

A sickening crunch was heard.

"Dad, did you slam the door too hard?" asked Snake worriedly.

"That son… …was my back…" said Roy weakly.

_Snake_

"Dad's in his 50s… he's getting up there, and he's like the oldest in the whole competition…but at least we have his wisdom on our side, right?" said Snake hopefully.

Roy ran in with one of Snake's many guns, asking:

"What the heck does this thing do?" he pulled the trigger, shooting the production crew members nearby.

Snake glared angrily.

"Heh heh…" laughed Roy nervously.

_Roy and Snake_

"We see that the library won't open until 1:00 AM, so we have to wait for everyone else. I think some will just be getting out by the time this place opens." Mumbled Roy reluctantly.

"Uh-oh, I think eight teams will be here by that time," said Snake seriously. "It is right now 11:58…"

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're _finally_ leaving that place," said Kirby angrily. "You never cease to amaze me, Dedede."

"Awww," said King Dedede, hugging Kirby.

"That wasn't a compliment!" said Kirby angrily, tugging.

…

"Why are you still hugging me?" asked Kirby nervously.

…

"Hello?" said Kirby angrily.

"Ra ra ra, let's-a go, boy!" said King Dedede, cackling evilly as he dashed off wearing a metal yellow hard cap that people wore for explosions.

"What's his deal?" asked Kirby, scratching his head as the bomb tightly ductaped to his back ticked down.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Okay, we're leaving and it's 12 AM." Said Mewtwo, looking at his watch.

"That means only one more minute and those annoying kids will come out," said Lucario angrily, running over a passing Pianta villager, "I hate them, I hate them I hate them!"

Lucario realized Mewtwo was run over.

"And I hate you too," said Lucario crazily to Mewtwo's corpse.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
5__th__ to depart; 12:01 AM_

"Make your way to the Island's Plaza, once there you will find your next clue near sunny side hotel," read Toon Link. "Okay, seeing a team should be not far ahead, let's hurry and catch u- are you even listening?!" asked Toon Link angrily.

"Yeah…I heard everything after the word 'even'!" said Jigglypuff sweetly.

"THAT WAS THE SECOND-LAST WORD I SAID!1" yelled Toon Link.

_Fox and Wolf  
6__th__ to depart; 12:04 AM_

"Those kids are just now driving off," said Wolf, "Let's try to make up some time."

"Alright," said Fox agreeing.

_Fox and Wolf  
Entrepreneurs_

"Since we're both working at the same job, we see each other a lot," said Wolf. "We're also familiar with one another because we're such close friends after being enemies for about 11 years!"

"OH NO A SPIDER!!1" yelled Fox girlishly, standing on his chair.

"What?" laughed Wolf, "Afraid of a little spider?"

"No," replied Fox, "I'm actually arachnophobic."

…

"What?" asked Fox, "You really didn't know that Wolfie?"

"Uh…ha ha…nice joke…" said Wolf, laughing nervously.

"How funny!" laughed Fox, "After just making a speech that we're familiar with one another for 11 years, he-"

Wolf made a throat-slitting motion at the camera.

"…And he did it right in front of the camer-"

_Marth and Ike_

"Hi guys!" said Marth, waving to Roy and Snake who were glumly waiting near the library's door.

"Hey…" said Snake angrily.

"I guess we're the first two teams!" chuckled Ike as he stood next to the sitting Snake and Roy.

"Yeah…yeah we are…" said Snake, annoyed.

"And it's only 12:09, about an hour until this place opens!" continued Ike, grinning stupidly.

"Of course…" said Snake, getting angrier.

"…And just about nearly everyone will be here by then so we'll all be together and blah and-"

"NO SHUT UP" screamed Snake, gunning Ike and bashing him.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Old Enemies_

"Hmmm…that tune's kinda catchy…" said Kirby, referencing the ticking noise the bomb tied to his back was making. "Kirby…Kirby…Kirb-erous Kirby, Kirby, Kirby, Kirb-erous Kirby-"

"DEDEDE!" yelled Dedede.

"Kirby, Kirby, Kirb-erous Kirby-"

"DEDEDE!" yelled Dedede.

Everyone joined in the musical and once they finished, one civilian said:

"I found the source of the ticking! …It's the pipe bomb tied to your back!"

"Yaaa-Wait, WHAT?!" screamed Kirby, blowing up.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"There's the guys that got first last leg!" said Lucario, amazed, "Come on two, we have to beat them!"

"You know I hate it when you call me that!" cried Mewtwo.

"Two! You're only number _two!_ To me!" said Lucario dramatically.

"Actually, I am a carbon copy of Mew, only more powerful," said Mewtwo as if he was in a trance.

…

Lucario hit him with a cocaine pack.

…

"No…you're a clone of me!" cackled Lucario.

"No, it's quite the opposite, see, I was in Melee but you came in Brawl, so technically you're just a copy of m-"

"NO" said Lucario angrily.

_Kirby and King Dedede_

The two rivals sat in the car, looking at the scenery as the penguin monarch drived.

"Hey Dedede…" said Kirby, looking thoughtful, "Have you ever…had any, you know…childhood dreams?"

Dedede thought for a moment.

"My dream is to… …eat Kirby," said King Dedede, staring at Kirby creepily, licking his lips.

Kirby stared at King Dedede nervously as he reached for the handle of the door.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We're apparently one of the few weaker teams of the pack," said Jigglypuff to the camera.

"Save the interview when we reach the library!" said Toon Link angrily as he finished reading the clue.

"Oops," said Jigglypuff, shutting her mouth.

Twelve edited out scenes later…Toon Link and Jigglypuff

"We may be one of the weaker teams of the pack," said Jigglypuff as she kept glancing at her arm which had words scribbled onto it, "But we still have my copy ability! That may help in the long run!"

"You don't have a copy ability," said Toon Link.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff, covering Kirby's unconscious bleeding form.

_Kirby and King Dedede_

"What?!" asked Kirby, confused, running up to the other four teams already at the library's entrance, "Why are those teams just sitting there?"

Kirby thought of something.

"Did you take your time at McDonald's on _purpose_?" asked Kirby, gasping.

"Well, boy, I used my observation skills at McDonalds!" said King Dedede, smiling. "I managed to get a glimpse at the security camera showing the outside of the building of that hotel while you were yellin' at me!"

_A shot of King Dedede smiling dumbly as he was oblivious to Kirby's swearing._

"…I saw a team reading the clue!" explained Dedede, "None of these teams knew ahead of time this ol' hotel would not be open for another hour or so! I read the clue on the security camera, and it saved us from not having to wait in front of a building!"

"Amazing!" said Kirby, in awe. "Now we have only 25 minutes to wait!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
7__th__ to depart; 12:35 AM_

"Okay man, let's hope the drugs work," said Falcon chuckling as he dashed inside the car.

"He said alliance, I swear!" yelled Ganondorf to the car. "We made some alliance overnight with Fox an' Wolf, and Mewtwo and Lucario. We're helping each other when the road gets tougher."

"He said drugs," said the cameraman angrily.

"Uh…" said Jigglypuff-I mean, Ganondorf.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Okay, there's already about five other teams here…" said Wolf.

"And there's Mewtwo and Lucario, who befriended us," said Fox.

"Okay, it's a rush inside the library," explained Wolf, glancing at his wrist watch. "It is now 12:47 and by the time it will be 1 AM when this dump opens. About one more team is gonna get here…"

"We may fall behind, hun!" said Fox. "This is like a real suspense thing!"

…

"What?" asked the cameraman.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Oh my gosh that hits the spot!" shrieked Falcon, getting extremely high.

"Dude!" said Ganondorf angrily, snatching the drug packets, "Not in front of the camera!"

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
8__th__ to depart; 12:53 AM_

"Okay, we're going to that hotel on the last leg!" said DK cheerfully.

He hopped in the car, and waited.

Diddy Kong stood in front of the building, grinning dumbly.

"Uh…are you coming?" asked DK angrily.

"I'm waiting for something!" said Diddy Kong, smiling as he continued to stand there.

…

"Like…what?" asked DK.

"For you to tell me it's okay to get in the car!" said Diddy Kong happily.

"Yeah, it's okay to be in the car now," said DK, slightly annoyed.

Diddy Kong scampered inside the car.

_Library  
12:58 AM_

There were seven teams in front of the library, waiting for it to open.

Things became tense between the teams as they eyed the door hopefully.

Suddenly, the door was opened.

Toon Link followed by Snake, Roy, Mewtwo and Jigglypuff ran inside.

King Dedede was attacking Kirby, intent on crushing the puffball.

"I'm on your freaking team!" yelled Kirby desperately, trying to get through.

Lucario kicked Fox on top of Wolf, distracting the entrepreneurs for a while.

Marth and Ike ran inside and slammed the door shut.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're here first," said Toon Link, puffing as he ripped open the next clue.

"Teams must now…find their next destination by…the computer?!" asked Toon Link.

"_Teams must now_ _solve where they are going to next." Explained Koopa. "They have to visit the listed sites and look for a word in black on one of the listed pages. Once they have successfully put all the words in order, it will read 'Hyrule Kingdom'! Once teams figure it out, they must tell the librarian their phrase and if they are correct they will receive the next clue!"_

"Let's do this," said Toon Link suddenly.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Bomb, bomb, where's the bomb?!" screamed Snake, ripping open cabinets and tearing books apart.

"There's no bomb!" said Roy desperately, prying Snake towards the next clue.

Snake whined and kicked, "I wanna save everyone!"

Mewtwo and Lucario

"Get in, get in!" said Lucario, running inside.

"I can't help myself!" said Mewtwo, trying to grip onto the door so Falcon wouldn't beat him.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Okay, let's do this!" said Falcon, running inside the library.

"Wait, weren't you beating Mewtwo up a moment ago?" asked Ganondorf.

"It's called editing, Ganondorf," explained Falcon.

"Oh."

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Okay, Falcon and Ganondorf are our allies, so let's join with them!" said Lucario happily.

"But…but they were just hurting me!" said Mewtwo, shocked.

…

"OH NOES PLOT HOLE" said everyone.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Okay, let's follow Mewtwo and Lucario, because they and the frats are on our side," said Wolf, in his manly heterosexual voice.

"But shouldn't we work alone, that way we won't have to wait for someone else and at the same time prove that gays really aren't wea-" stuttered Fox in his girly, high-pitched gay lisp.

"We're straight dammit!1" yelled Wolf, tearing Fox with his long painted nail-claws.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Why were you blocking the way so I couldn't get through the door?" asked Kirby angrily as they waddled towards the computers.

"Well boy, my villain instincts kicked in, so I had no control over myself!" said King Dedede angrily, "And now they're kicking in again so I may end up killing you or so-"

"You're just trying to kill me!" said Kirby offensively.

"Look boy, I'm trying to help our relationship, but you accusing stuff is _not_ going to help it out!" said King Dedede, raising the knife above Kirby. "I wanna be your friend…"

He plunged the knife into the unknowing puffball.

_Advertisement_

"I want _you_ to vote for me, Dedede!" said King Dedede, wearing his trademark sunglasses shaped in that bunny symbol, "Because I'm awesome and I help the stupid kids in that village below my castle!"

"No you don't!" yelled one person from the Kirby anime, "You bully the villagers and you call yourself king!"

…

"Uh, ignore her," said King Dedede as he taped the girl's mouth, and held a gun at her head threateningly, "Just…vote for my team…"

…

"Even though Kirbeh the annoying puffball's in it…" said King Dedede.

…

"But still! Vote for me on them polls!" cackled King Dedede.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Ugh, we're seventh which is last out of that footrace so we need to hurry even faster," said Ike angrily as he jogged inside the library.

"You were the one running off to order a stock as the footrace began!" said Marth angrily, "You're not helping the team!"

"But…but there was a sale on stock bonds!" said Ike.

_Ness and Pikachu  
9__th__ to depart; 1:25 AM_

"Yes we're finally out!" said Ness. "I wonder why you stocked up on extra cotton Pikachu, it's not like you're gonna meet a taxidermy on the way to the next destination, Pikachu, ha, ha, ha…"

Pikachu glared angrily at Ness, as he replied "No this is for in case I get a stitch…"

"AUGH! NOT YOU TOO!" yelled Ness.

_Link and Yoshi  
Last to depart; 1:26 AM_

"We have to use our lawyering skills to beat those kids to the next clue!" said Link desperately.

"Yoshi!" said Yoshi.

"I know, thanks for the compliment!" said Link suave.

"Actually, I was cursing at you," said Yoshi.

"Oh." said Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"I can speak my middle name! LULZ LULZ OL" said Falcon drunkenly.

"…" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"But I don't wanna!" cried Mewtwo.

"Why the hell aren't you going to use the keyboard?" asked Lucario in despair, seeing as they were steadily dropping in rank.

"It'll mess up my nails!" sobbed Mewtwo, "I paid good money to get them fixed this way!"

"I'm gonna pay even better money to illegally abuse you until you get this through your thick dense skull; We're in a freaking race!!1"

Mewtwo just sobbed harder.

Lucario raised Mewtwo's "Cosmo" magazine next to a lit cigarette threateningly.

Mewtwo quickly protested, "No, no, I'll type, I'll type!"

"Really?" asked Lucario, smirking.

"Nope!" said Mewtwo, kicking down Lucario and running.

"…" said Lucario, swearing under his breath.

"Dawg, does this mean we still have an alliance…?" asked Ganondorf in his usual cynical voice.

"You, chaaaange yooooour mind, like a girrrl, changes clothes…" sang Falcon, high and drunk at the same time.

"Aw no dawg, I is gettin' anothers, migraine, yo," said Ganondorf, holding his head.

Lucario dragged a whimpering Mewtwo back to the frats.

"Where's the aspirin…where is it?!" asked Ganondorf in a frantic attack.

"Falcon's backpack; top left pouch," explained Mewtwo, who had instantly answered after Ganondorf had asked, in a freaky way.

"How did you…what…?" asked Ganondorf.

"We're psychics!" said Mewtwo eagerly.

"'Two, your fake 'stache fell off!" whispered Lucario urgently.

They were instantly swarmed by rabid Pokemon fans.

"Curses, we've been spotted," said Lucario. "Teleport away!!1"

They disappeared instantly.

…

"Whoa, yo… I thought for sure I didn't sniff any weed!" said Ganondorf confusedly.

"Tra-lalaaa!" said Falcon, standing in only his underpants and a cape.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"There's the library! Park! Park!" said DK.

"Yayayayayay, books, books, books!" said Diddy Kong excitedly. "I can read!"

"Can't I just leave him in the car?" asked DK desperately.

"No," said Koopa, sprouting wings and flying away, which made him have to change his name now to Paratroopa.

"Curses," said DK.

Five Minutes later… "Books! Books! Books! Books! Books! Books! Books! Books! Books! Books! Books! Books!" chanted Diddy repeatedly, leaving clawmarks on the rug as his Uncle dragged him towards the other teams. "Ugh," said DK as everyone stared.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Okay, good thing we chained this bike down, heh, we'll be getting ahead in no time, Hobb-I mean, Pikachu!" said Ness eagerly.

"Maybe we should use…" began Pikachu.

"…The transmogrifier to fly to the next clue!" finished both Ness and Pikachu in unison, dancing.

"Whaaa?!" said the cameraman.

Ness gallantly got out a little toy gun, pointed it at himself, and…fired.

He glanced down. "It worked!" he said, pointing down. "See? I must be growing!"

Pikachu realized something.

"Actually, that's just the cement below you caving in…" said Pikachu.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

Link dropped all his bags onto Yoshi and ran up to the cluebox ahead.

"Make your way to the library!" read Link, grinning.

"A little help here?!" asked Yoshi, his tail turning purple from the weight.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Oh, Diddy Kong," sang DK, grinning menacingly. "I have something for youuu…"

"WHHHHHAAAATTT?!" yelled Diddy Kong excitedly, hopping up and down.

"It is…medicine time!" said DK dramatically, holding up several cans filled with pills and drugs…_medicine _drugs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!1" screamed Diddy Kong, running away as fast as possible, "My evil enemy!"

"Why won't you take your medicine?!" cried DK, trying to get ahold of the hyperactive team mate.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Yes, the answer is…Hyrule Kingdom!" said Mewtwo dramatically.

"Here's your next clue," said the librarian. "And now my shift's off!"

She ripped off her uniform to reveal a revealing dress.

"I have a date tonight!" said the lady, running out of the building.

She dropped two more clues.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"…" said Ganondorf and Falcon at the same time.

Ganondorf picked up the clue and read, "You must now fllly to Hyyrille Kindum…"

…

"I don't drink," said Ganondorf defensively.

Falcon hid the two packs of empty beer bottles from the camera's sight.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"You must now make your way to the airport, where you must buy tickets to Hyrule Kingdom…" read Roy as he picked up the clue off the ground.

"Awesome, let's do this!" grinned Snake playfully, throwing the old exploding pigskin.

"Son, not now-" said Roy, before the football exploded because it landed hard on the floor next to Roy.

"…" said Snake, seeing his father's charred remains.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Where the heck are we??" asked Ness, looking around.

"…Oh no, We're lost!" cried Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Two tickets to Hyrule, please," said Lucario.

"Two-hundred more tickets to Hyrule, please," said Mewtwo.

"…Mewtwo? I ordered tickets…" said Lucario quietly, holding in his anger to bash Mewtwo's head in.

"I ordered some for the infants!" said Mewtwo, grinning.

"They were _con artists_!" screamed Lucario venting his anger on the ragged Mewtwo.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

Their taxi sped right up to the airport doorway, nearly running over several people.

"Thanks," said Toon Link, handing the guy a pack of bills.

Once inside, they saw Mewtwo happily counting children in order to pay for their tickets.

"seventeen, eighteen, nineteen…" Mewtwo then saw Toon Link and Jigglypuff, who were staring up at them eagerly. "Twenty, twenty one…"

Toon Link silently said 'Yessss' as he and Jigglypuff had their tickets paid for.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
1__st__ on 4:00 AM Flight_

"We've made it!" said Toon Link as he and Jigglypuff took their seats. "Mewtwo was a rube, paying for our tickets!"

"Its…2:22 PM right now." Noted Jigglypuff.

"That's the first smart remark you made," said Toon Link. "I'm starting to take back my bad thoughts about you!"

"To bee or not to bee, that is the real question…" said Jigglypuff, losing interest in Toon Link.

Toon Link angrily stared.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2__nd__ on 4:00 AM Flight_

"I can't believe you, Mewtwo…" said Lucario angrily. "How the hell are you so stupid when I'm a certified genius?"

"I'll tell mom on you!" sobbed Mewtwo, in tears, "Besides, prove you're a genius!"

Lucario smirked and handed him a certificate.

Mewtwo looked confused, then angrily points to small printed writing at the bottom.

"Fakestuff, the site for all your fake needs?" asked Mewtwo.

"Gimme that!" said Lucario angrily.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're now back in the taxi, and driving to the airport." Said Snake, looking inconspicuous.

"I think we're an honest team…" said Roy.

"Oh, by the way, I rigged Wolf and Fox's car…" cackled Snake.

"We play by the rules, also…" ranted Roy.

"I hope its TESAR-legal to steal another team's passports…" sniggered Snake, holding up DK and Diddy Kong's passports.

"We just wanna get along with the other teams…" said Roy, obviously oblivious to his son's maniacal laughter.

"I told Falcon and Ganondorf that Kirby and King Dedede hate them!" yelled Snake, going into a killing frenzy, snapping the taxi driver's neck.

The car crashed into a ditch.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"I hate Kirby and Dedede!" said Falcon.

"Why?" asked Ganondorf, in confusion.

"They hate us!" said Falcon, replying.

"Why?" asked Ganondorf, in confusion.

"Because I was told by Snake! Who is a liar and I believe him!" said Falcon, replying.

"Why?" asked Ganondorf, in confusion.

"Because I think we should start hating Kirby and Dedede, to make the rest of this leg of the race even more dramatic!" said Falcon, replying.

Ganondorf knifed Falcon.

"Stop talkin' dawg, you're a disgrace to da 'hood!" said Ganondorf. "Drive, taxi Driver!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"You must now make your way to the airport, where you must buy tickets to Hyrule Kingdom." Read Wolf. "Quickly, we can catch up to Falcon and Ganondorf, see them pulling out of the parking lot??"

"Gotcha," said Fox. "Didja hear that same-sex marriage is soon to be legal in the U.S.?" asked Fox.

"Yes, but congress must pass it first," reminded Wolf, sadly.

…

"But its not like we care," said Wolf, in a deep voice. "After all, we're straight, straight I tell you!"

_Marth and Ike_

"Arrgh, we're the only ones still here besides Kirby and Dedede to be in the first group here!" said Ike angrily. "WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?!"

"…Maybe its because you haven't turned on the computer screen yet," said Marth angrily.

"Success!" said Ike, having a mood swing as he flicked the on switch for the computer screen.

_Kirby and King Dedede_

"Quit eating, Dedede!" yelled Kirby, using his arms to cover his face.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," sighed Dedede, "It's bad for the blood pressure…"

"No, not that, its just that you're eating so sloppily we can't see the computer screen…" pointed out Kirby to the mucky Computer.

DK and Diddy Kong

"Well, we must have caught up," judged DK, "I mean, Kirby, Dedede, Ike and Marth were all in the first group to leave! We must be pretty good after all!"

"How do I eat these again?" asked Diddy, stuffing a medicine pill up his nose. "Wait, I feel smarter already!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Okay, this is it!" said Ness as he and Pikachu pedaled towards the Library.

When they got off and chained the bike, they ran inside.

"Hey look, the apes, the puffballs and the swordsmen!" said Pikachu, "We've caught up!"

"Yes, Pikachu, we did it!" said Ness, hugging Pikachu.

Everyone stared weirdly.

"What?" asked Ness angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Why are we barely going anywhere??" asked Link in anguish.

"Because you let Falcon and Ganondorf steal our taxi this morning, AND you made me carry all the bags!" said Yoshi angrily, bent over, rubbing his sore back.

"You're not a horse?" asked Link.

"NO!" said Yoshi. " And why does this happen to me almost every TAR race?"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Oh no!" said Fox, clearly upset. "Our taxi won't work!"

"You fool, it's 'Oh _noes_, the taxi won't work', Fox!" whispered Wolf, holding up a script.

"Whatever!" said Fox angrily. "Why is this whole thing scripted, anyways?"

_Roy and Snake  
3__rd__ on 4:00 AM Flight_

"We're third on this flight, I think only six teams can be on this flight," said Roy. "So we're definitely not being eliminated, but we're gonna try to stick in the top three."

"We're going for first!" said Snake, throwing his fist in the air dramatically.

…

"Guys, you do know that a gay guy is born every awkward silence, right?" asked Snake to Roy and the cameraman.

…

"Haha, tell that to Fox and Wo-"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Yo momma's so fat, she owes Moses a dollar!" said Falcon cheesily.

"No, for the last time, saying Yo mamma jokes DO NOT make you black, dawg." Said Ganondorf, obviously angry.

"Yo momma is sooo ugly, she has to wear two bags over her face!" yelled Falcon, laughing.

Ganondorf fumed.

"Yo momma is so dumb, when she was locked in the Bed store, she slept on the floor!" giggled Falcon as he slapped his knee.

Ganondorf attempted to ignore Falcon.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Haha, the answer is Hyrule Kingdom!" said Marth, filled with exuberance.

"It's only 3:04 AM right now!" said Ike. "It only took us 1 hour and a half to figure out how to turn on a Computer screen.

Marth's happiness disappeared at the news.

"Ike, are you mentally challenged?" asked Marth worriedly.

"…DIE!" said Ike as he killed the cameraman.

"…" said Marth.

"What? She was looking at me funny…" said Ike, his sword dripping blood.

_Fox and Wolf_

"Oh no," said Fox, "Our taxi won't work!"

"Too high that time," said Wolf.

"You didn't look at the script, how do you know?" asked Fox.

"I have the lines memorized," explained Wolf.

"Ah," nodded Fox.

"Uh-oh, Marth and Ike just got in their taxi…"

"…And they're starting the taxi…" sighed Fox.

"Hey! Marth, Ike! Our Car's tires were slashed, can we ride with you guys?"

"Haha, you said Ri-"

Wolf kicked Fox soundly without looking.

"Umm…" said Marth. "I guess you ca-"

"NEVER, COMMIES!" yelled Ike, putting the taxi in reverse and backing up into a tower.

Fox and Wolf looked onward as Ike drove towards the airport past them, the tower Ike crashed into crumbling down.

"………" Said Wolf and Fox.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong_

"Hey, can we work with you guys?" asked DK to Kirby.

"Buzz off!" said Kirby, "We're not helping anyone!"

"Fine then…" sighed DK, going back to his seat next to Diddy Kong.

Diddy worked on a paper airplane as DK spoke to him.

"Diddy, I think we need to form an alliance with somebody. Definitely not the Swordsmen, the father/son, Twins or Kirby and Dedede. They're either jerks or always ahead of us. Maybe the Mortal Enemies…"

"Look, its an airplane!" said Diddy, holding up an airplane to a frustrated DK.

DK just facepalmed.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Look! I think I have it!" said Ness excitedly, "See, these parts form into…"

Ness looked up at the computer, then back down to his sheet.

"…Oh never mind." Said Ness, scratching out his paper, folding it and threw it into the trash bin overflowing with Transformers sketches by Ness.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Look!" said Link excitedly, throwing his bags in the air, "The Library!"

Yoshi, gasping as he saw the two suitcases containing breakable items, the dinosaur whipped out his tongue in time to catch the suitcase.

…

The other one smashed the ground, and Yoshi cringed when he heard the glass shattering.

"Epic Fail," said the cameraman slyly.

As the trio approached they saw Fox and Wolf sighing to themselves, sitting on the curb in front of the library.

"Look Yoshi, two civilians, who obviously need lawyering assistance!"

"I think they are in the race as well," mused Yoshi.

"Our cards," said Link, throwing a card at Fox and Wolf.

Wolf caught his, while Fox's impaled Fox.

"Do you men need lawyers?" asked Link, raising his eyebrows cartoony-like.

"Naw," sighed Wolf, "_Someone_ rigged our taxi to die, someone who was in the library at the same time as us."

"OH GOD HELP ME MY EYE" screamed Fox, bleeding.

"So?" asked Link to Wolf.

"So?! It means we can't go anywhere!" said Wolf angrily.

Link stared at him like he was stupid.

"I'M BLEEDING HERE!" screeched Fox.

"Have you ever heard of _stealing_?" asked Link, sighing.

"Yes, but what does that have to do with anythi-"

"Steal another team's taxi!" explained Link, Yoshi stumbling towards Wolf, Fox and Link with his team's bags.

For a few seconds Wolf stared, and then his face lit up.

"Ohhh! I get it now!" said Wolf. "Come on Foxie, let's go steal another team's taxi!"

He dragged an unconscious Fox into Kirby and King Dedede's car, only to find that the keys weren't in the ignition.

"Dammit all!" cried Wolf as he dragged Fox to the curb and sat back down.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
4__th__ for 4:00 AM Flight_

"3:27 AM and we're fourth aboard the first flight." Said Ganondorf. "Get ready fo' a footrace, dawg."

"I think only one more person can be on this flight…" mumbled Falcon, before chugging a beer bottle…_literally_.

"Dawg, fo' the last time, open the can and then drink the beer, not th' can!" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Marth and Ike  
5__th__ for 4:00 AM Flight_

"The frats just beat us here by seven minutes, according to the desk worker." Said Marth, turning around, expecting Ike behind him. "Ike?"

…

"Ike?"

"BOO!" yelled Ike, jumping out.

"Oh there you are, I got us on the first flight!" said Marth, unfazed by Ike.

Ike merely grumbled angrily.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Hyrule Kingdom," said Kirby to the new librarian.

"Correct, here's your clue." Said the librarian.

"Yess!" said Kirby. "Come on Dedede, let's move it before the others catch up!"

They got in their taxis and took off, leaving Ness and Pikachu, DK and Diddy Kong, & Link and Yoshi inside the library.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"I can't believe we have to _walk_ to the airport," complained Fox.

"Foxie dear," said Wolf. "SHUT UP."

"Fine then!" said Fox girlishly.

Kirby and Dedede's taxi zoomed past them.

Wolf burst into tears.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Okay, so we caught up to the apes, but now the lawyers caught up to _us_." Sighed Pikachu. "It might be a race to see who can find out the place first."

"Eighth is still not very good," reminded Ness, "We'd be second last in other words on Leg three!"

"Ugh, this is frustrating!" said Pikachu.

"Okay you go to the websites, I'll write down the things we're looking for!"

_DK and Diddy Kong_

"Okay I found the letters, let's make words with them!" said Diddy Kong.

"Actually, _I_ found the words, you just stared off into space, thinking of Transformers."

"I like to pretend, okay?!" sobbed Diddy Kong.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Wait a second," said Yoshi, "Every web page we visit, there's a black letter! I think it means something!"

"Are you sure you're not my horse Epona?" asked Link, prodding Yoshi.

"Err…actually," said Yoshi cleverly, "I am Epona…yeah…"

"Oh, cool," said Link, "Though how come you never talked until now?"

"Um…I was affected…by Vegetables…in the world…"

"Veggietales???" asked Link, horrified, "But it used to be your favorite show!"

"I said Vegetables!" said Yoshi angrily.

_Ness and Kirby  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Okay we found out the answer was 'Hyrule Kingdom'!" said Ness.

"Come on let's go and beat the others to the airport!" said Pikachu enthusiastically. "Driver, to the airport!"

The driver, oblivious of Pikachu's order, continued to hum.

"Let me try," said Ness, "Everyone seems to be playing this game that you don't exist…"

"The nerve!" said Pikachu, looking shocked.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Last for 4:00 AM Flight_

"We made it, and barely, too." Puffed Kirby "By the way, why did you not want to leave the keys in the ignition while we were in the library? It's not like anyone would have stolen it!"

Dedede used his portable TV to show a video of Wolf and Fox trying to steal their taxi.

"Oh man, good call…wait… WHERE DO YOU KEEP ALL THIS STUFF??"

Dedede coughed up his bags and other random things.

"So _that's_ why you seem fatter sometimes than you actually were…" said Kirby, almost relieved.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We just saw Wolf and Fox back there!" said Pikachu excitedly, "I wonder what rank we are now?"

"Probably sixth or fifth!" said Ness ecstatic.

"High five!" cheered Pikachu.

As Ness high fived the Pikachu stuffed animal, everyone stared at him.

…

Including the taxi driver.

So the car drove into Fox and Wolf who had been sitting on the side of the road.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Oh goody, I just remembered!" said Link to himself.

"What?" asked Yoshi.

"That those guys we helped earlier are probably still walking to the airport!" said Link happily.

"Score! That'll make us about eighth place!" replied Yoshi, forgetting his troubles.

_DK and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Curses, last again," said Diddy Kong. "I was looking forward to win the million dollars…"

"We're not out yet!" said DK determined as he raced towards their car in the parking lot.

As they got in they saw Link and Yoshi drive towards the airport.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Okay, it's 3:54 AM," said Pikachu, "Quick, before it closes the entrance, sign us up for the first flight!"

"Okay!" said Ness, running up to the desk. "Can we have two tickets to the first flight to Hyrule?"

"I am sorry, it is full. I have a flight that goes to Pinna Park, then hops to Hyrule, if it helps," explained the worker. "It leaves at 6:45 AM and reaches Hyrule at 8:45 AM…"

"We'll take it," said Ness, somewhat relieved. "But can any other teams be on this flight?"

"No, only one team." Said the worker.

"Yess, thank you," said Ness as he greedily took the tickets. "I got us on a secret flight to Hyrule!"

"Good job!" said Pikachu, nodding. "There were probably six on the first flight, making us seventh."

"That's better than being on the last flight, who have to fight to stay in the race!" said Ness, smirking.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On 6:45 AM Flight_

"Let's go get seated." Explained Ness to the camera, walking to the luggage compartment.

"Okay." Said Pikachu.

"Actually, for the first time I wasn't talking to you," explained Ness.

"Fine then." Huffed Pikachu.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Well, we _finally_ made it to the airport, going from probably the mid-top of the pack to the bottom," said Wolf livid. "How dumb can this be? I'd like to find out who it was who slashed our tires and punctured the battery several times!"

"Yeah, I hope it's a girl," said Fox. "Because men are waaay better than gir-"

"Just stop while you're ahead," reminded Wolf. "Two tickets on the first flight to Hyrule kingdom."

"I'm sorry, the first flight is closed, all full." Explained the worker. "There's a 7:00 AM flight, which reaches Hyrule at 9:00 AM…"

"Ugh, we'll take it…" sniffed Wolf.

"Waaah…" cried Fox.

_Fox and Wolf  
1__st__ for 7:00 AM Flight_

"This really sucks, we could've made the first flight," said Wolf, squirming with anger.

"I know, we should find out who did it and slash _their _tires!" squealed Fox girlishly.

"_All teams have gotten a flight to Hyrule!" explained Koopa. "There were three flights."_

"_On the 4:00 AM Flight, was Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Mewtwo and Lucario, Roy and Snake, Falcon and Ganondorf, Marth and Ike & Kirby and King Dedede!_

"_The 6:45 AM Flight contains Ness and Pikachu!"_

_"The Last Flight, the 7:00 AM has teams Fox and Wolf, Link and Yoshi & DK and Diddy Kong!"_

_"Each flight lands two hours later from their departure. Once they land, they must go to Ordon Village and at Link's house they will find their next clue!"_

_1st Flight  
Arrived at: 4:00 AM_

There were dramatic camera angles of the local area.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"First out!" said Toon Link, hopping in a carriage pre-ordered for them. "All teams have pre-ordered carriages?!"

"I have a dream…" quoted Jigglypuff from her 'Famous quotes' book.

Toon Link stared angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Apparently, you're not very welcome here," Muttered Falcon to Ganondorf as they were kept at bay by the hails of rocks.

"For the last time," Sighed an exasperated Ganondorf, "I'm simply passing by here because I'm in this race!"

They didn't listen, so Ganondorf just walked out of the airport anyways.

"What do we do now?" Asked Falcon.

"I don't know, I didn't think we'd get this far." Whispered Ganondorf. "…Oooh yeah I just heard the openin' speech of one of mah famous brotha from anutha mothas' speeches!" whooped Ganondorf, dashing outside faster than usual, Falcon right behind him.

When they reached the line of pre-ordered carriages, Ganondorf took a clue and read it.

"Make your way to Ordon Villages' River to find your next clue!" read Ganondorf.

"Make your…oh hell, this doesn't need an explanation…" cursed Koopa. "Stupid low ratings…"

"Quick, I always wanted t' meet Martin King Jr. in person, yo!" said Ganondorf, "Let's follow that carriage there, I heard his voice, bro!"

Ganondorf pointed to Jigglypuff and TL's carriage, the formers' voice could be heard droning out Martin Luther King Jr's famous speech.

"Err, I guess whatever you say!" said Falcon, hopping in the carriage with Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Third place, son, this is excellent!" said Roy, "Come on Solid, let's catch up to the frats, they're in their carriage!"

"Good thing too, I set the plane to explode in about twenty minutes," cackled Snake.

"Eh, what was that, sonny? I have hearing problems ya know…" said Roy.

"I know, which makes it all the more easier when I say my evil schemes aloud!" laughed Snake evilly, eyes red.

"Eh what was that?" asked Roy.

"I just said 'I KNOW, WHICH MAKES IT ALL THE HARDER TO MAKE OUR HAPPY FUN RACING ALOUD!'" yelled Snake.

"Alright then," said Roy.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Quit lagging behind," scolded Kirby, "We'll be left behind if you keep trying to inhale that many bags at the SAME TIME."

"Mmmrffmghfjlg?" mumbled Dedede, looking ready to blow up.

"I said-"

King Dedede exploded from too many bags; Kirby was immediately engulfed in the explosion.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5th Place_

"I sense a disturbance in the force," explained Mewtwo, rubbing the sides of his head, eyes closed.

"Actually, that's just Dedede's insides splattering against your back," said Lucario coolly.

"Oh," said Mewtwo, opening his eyes and grabbing his backpack.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"Hey look, the rivals and the psychics, over at the baggage collection!" said Ike, thinking, "If I get a taxi while you get our bags, we'll leave here faster!"

"How about **I** get the taxi and **you** get the bags?" asked Marth angrily.

"Okay then, better hurry and get the bags before we lose the race!" said Ike cheerfully.

"Okay!" said Marth happily.

As Ike ran off outside Marth paused for a second.

"…Wait a second…"

…

…

"Why is my tunic inside out??" asked Marth.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"'Cause you're hot when it's cold…" sang Jigglypuff.

"…" said Toon Link, staring at Jigglypuff.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Quiet, listen!" shrieked Falcon to Ganondorf.

For a few seconds, all they could hear was muffled sounds of Jigglypuff trying to sing "Hot and Cold".

"HOT DOG!" said Falcon. "Katy Perry's also in the carriage! Driver, after that carriage!!1"

Falcon and Ganondorf began drinking while talking on their cell phones.

"Uh sirs…" said the driver. "You guys do know…that uh…that uh…"

He watched them for a few seconds.

"Oh never mind…" mumbled the taxi driver.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Mewtwo and Lucario_

The two teams waited for their bags, eager to catch up to the long gone three teams.

Marth approached, sweating furiously.

"Hello, fellow racers…heh…heh…" said Marth timidly.

The four other racers eyed him warily, then looked back at the baggage compartment.

'Just breathe in and out, they won't notice… …' thought Marth nervously. 'They don't know our plan'

"So…how 'bout this weather?" asked Marth.

"I hear its gonna snow in Texas…" said King Dedede cautiously. "That's my born state, by the way."

"Yeah…err…sure…um uh, when??" asked Marth, sweating faster.

"Tomorrow night, Friday…" replied Dedede. "Is there a reason you're sweating so bad?"

"Heh…no…yeah…yeah, no of course not!" chuckled Marth nervously. Marth quickly grabbed his team's bags as they slid down the conveyer belt to him and he took off.

"Weird guy…" muttered Kirby.

"I hear his partner is even stranger, the purple-haired guy…" muttered Lucario.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

As soon as Ike hailed a taxi, Marth came, with both their backpacks.

"It worked, they were too busy talking about the weather!" lied Marth, handing Ike his backpack.

"Good," snickered Ike, "Driver, to Ordon Village's river!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

Toon Link and Jigglypuff's carriage came to a stop on a dirt road a short distance in front of the river. The two racers hopped out of the carriage, and only a few seconds later the frats' carriage collided with theirs, the first carriage smashing into an adobe house.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff watched, confused as Falcon and Ganondorf jumped out, dusting themselves off and then questioning them quite suddenly.

"Where are they?" asked Falcon.

"Martin Luther and Katy Perry, show us where!" yelled Ganondorf.

"I want Katy's autograph!" squealed Falcon girlishly.

"Are they still in your carriage??" questioned Ganondorf.

…

"Uh…sure…" said Toon Link, a plan forming in his mind. "Yeah…yeah, in fact, they went for a swim inside the river!"

"No they didn-" Jigglypuff blurted out before Toon Link elbowed her viciously.

"Better hurry, or they'll use their private jet to go to Alaska!" warned Toon Link, calling after the two frats calling Katy and Martin Luthers' names down at the river.

"What was that for? You lied to them…" said Jigglypuff, naïve.

"We'll stay ahead of them, see?" reminded Toon Link. "We're in a race, besides, who wants frats to win?"

"Good point!" said Jigglypuff, reverting back to insane mode, "I wonder how many crayons will fit up my nose!"

Toon Link sighed dramatically.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Okay, get ready to jump out of the car as quick as possible!" warned Roy, gripping his backpack even tighter.

"Gotcha," replied Snake, while cracking the driver's neck, before adding, "We mustn't leave any trails for our rivals to follow."

"Do you have to kill every single taxi driver we have??" asked Roy, almost angry.

"Actually, yes," replied Snake again.

"Well stop it, we might get found out, or—"

"Of course not! Only you, me, the cameraman and his magical mirror he carries everywhere are the only ones who know!" stated Snake, "And surely the four of us…won't…uh…what are you staring at me for, cameraman Phillip?"

"This is a camer-" Roy punched the cameraman to silence him, but it was too late.

"CAMERA??" screamed Snake, jumping to the front of the taxi and running over Toon Link and Jigglypuff before crashing into the river, knocking Falcon and Ganondorf down.

"He hates…cameras…" explained a bleeding Roy to the dazed cameraman, before unbuckling. "I forgot to tell you that…"

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Quickly, I want to beat Roy, my old comrade…" explained Marth.

"Roy's your old pal?" asked Ike as their carriage approached Ordon Village rapidly.

"Yes, we used to compete in the science Olympiad…" reminisced Marth happily. "…I meant the Olympics! Not Science Olympiad!"

"Marth in high school was a nerd?" asked Ike in horror.

"AUGH NO!" cried Marth, "I WAS JUST OVER-SMART!"

"haha, nerd!" cackled Ike evilly.

"This race shall **not** turn into another incident like in 11th grade!" screeched Marth.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5th Place_

"In we go," said Lucario cheerfully, tugging on Mewtwo's leash, "Inside the carriage."

"Can you pleeease unleash me?" asked Mewtwo, sniffing sadly.

"Never." Said Lucario firmly.

Mewtwo started to cry.

"Stop that, or I'll put you in the cage instead." Threatened Lucario, while sniffing a packet of speed.

Mewtwo stopped doing everything and anything completely.

And died from lack of oxygen.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Why are we still here?" asked Kirby, furious. "And what the hell is this 'present package' you keep referring to??"

"You'll see!" cackled King Dedede evilly.

Kirby backed up a little, slightly scared for his life.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff

"Detour!" read Toon Link and Jigglypuff at the same time, "Catch it or Herd it! Warning, U-Turn ahead!"

_"Detour," said Koopa, sighing. "A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its pros and cons!"_

_"In Catch it, you must capture one of ten chickens, each one with the next clue tied to its foot. Teams must capture a chicken and take the clue in order to pass this detour!"  
"In Herd it, teams must head to the sheep fields and herd all 20 sheep inside the farm nearby in less than 20 minutes! If they fail to do so then they must let any waiting team behind them go and do the task! Once the other team has gone, the team that failed may try again!""_

_"A U-Turn appears at the end of a detour. Teams can use the U-Turn to slow down another team, forcing them to backtrack, and perform the other side of the detour. But in a new twist, this is what's known as a blind U-Turn! Previously, when teams forced another team to U-turn, they had to post their own picture as the perpetrators. Now, they can remain anonymous! However, teams must choose when it is most strategically viable to use their U-Turning abilities, because they can only use it once, and there are only **five U-Turns** on this race!"_

"Come on Jiggs, lets beat everyone across the U-Turn so we don't get U-turn owned…" explained Toon Link.

"I love being U-turned!" said Jigglypuff.

"Do you even know what a U-Turn is?" asked Toon Link angrily.

"No, but I figure if I say random quotes, they'll eventually use one of them for the name of the leg!" said Jigglypuff.

"You idiot, They'll never use your quotes!" quoted Toon Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Detour!" read Snake, "Catch it or Herd it?"

"I say Catch it!" said Roy. "We could easily catch a chicken!"

"Pffft, yeah we could!" laughed Snake. "This one'll be easy!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Detour!" read Lucario aloud. "Catch it or Herd it?"

"I say He-"

"Who gave you permission to speak?" asked Lucario angrily.

"Um, me?" replied Mewtwo cynically.

"Talk like that to me again and I'll put you in the kennel," said Lucario as he flamethrow'd Mewtwo.

"No, no, please, mercy I beg you!" cried Mewtwo, jumping in pain.

"We do Herd it," commanded Lucario, putting away the flamethrower.

"But I just-" said Mewtwo.

Lucario began pulling out the flamethrower again.

"Okay, Herd it." Said Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Didja find them yet, bro?" asked Ganondorf.

"No, but I'll keep looking!" said Falcon, chugging more beer before he walked off again.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 5th Place_

"The damn brothers passed us up!" said Ike angrily.

"I know," said Marth angrily.

"And our tire is flat!" said Ike angrily.

"Will you quit monologuing?" asked Marth angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Dude, they're definitely not here!" said Ganondorf angrily. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

"Totally," said Falcon. "That Toon Link and Jiggly kept Katy Perry and Martin Luther in their pockets!"

"No, they lied to us!" said Ganondorf, "Time for frat powers! We can win this, just like those frats did on that one Smashy Race, named after a boot or somethin'!"

"Yeah, FRAT POWERS!" yelled Falcon and Ganondorf as they high-fived in midair then ran to the clue box.

"Look, the swordsmen!" said Falcon suspiciously. "They must be in cahoots with Toon Link and Jiggs!"

He proceeded to attack them.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 6th Place_

"What's this 'huge package' we've been waiting 1 HOUR for??" asked Kirby angrily. "Answer me, penguin!"

"You'll see!" cackled Dedede, "In fact, here it is!" Dedede walked a few feet towards something under a tarp and pulled off the tarp.

"Ta-da!" said Dedede, "A tank!1"

"This, is what we've waited for?" asked Kirby, a vein blowing in his head, "For an hour we stood next to this and we've waited for nothing?!"

"Pretty much," mused Dedede, "I had to make sure all the teams wouldn't see this!"

"YOU MORON!" screamed Kirby, "YOU DAMN IDIOT!"

"Come on, let's get inside and make our way to Ordon Village!" said Dedede, cackling evilly as he hopped inside the tank, followed by a furious Kirby.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Catch it_

Toon Link and Jigglypuff attempted to catch a chicken, running aimlessly around.

"This is harder than we thought!" complained Toon Link, angry about the newfound difficulty of the task.

"Wait, I'll catch one yet!" said Jigglypuff angrily, puffing up.

_Roy and Snake  
On Catch it_

"Snake, please tell me you're not planning on sni-" said Roy nervously.

"Quiet dad, this takes careful practice…" said Snake, balancing a sniper rifle on his shoulder. "They said nothing about not being able to snipe them…"

"They also said nothing about lightning bolts hitting them, but can we do it anyway? Noooo," said Roy, starting up a rant. "And why do you have to kill everything, its getting very annoying, you should marry some nice woman and settle down somewhere, that's what I did…"

'Concentraaate…concentraaate…' thought Snake, aiming carefully, oblivious to his father's complaining. '…Gotcha!'

He sniped successfully, and the chicken died before it knew it.

"Success!" said Snake.

"Here's your clue," said llia.

"Success!" said Roy.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Okay, it just says where the U-turn mat is," explained Roy, "It's at the edge of Ordon Village! Come on, maybe this U-Turn can help us!"

"Hurry, I think we're first!" said Snake, hyperventilating from the excitement.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Herd it_

"I think we should-"

"Shut up, we're doing it my way." Said Lucario. "FREE BEER FOR ANY SHEEP WHO COMES INTO THIS BARN!"

None of the sheep responded.

"Damn, that always works in Vegas." Mused Lucario.

Mewtwo sighed and pulled a ham from his backpack. He merely waved it in front of the barn, and all the sheep sped towards the ham, and in a few mere seconds the sheep zoomed by and took the ham with them.

"They're cannibals," explained Mewtwo, "Ordon is famous for their cannibal sheep."

"…" said Lucario, speechless.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Catch it_

"There it is!" said Toon Link, "Quickly get the chicken!"

"I got it!" said Jigglypuff, taking a tranquilizer dart from her belt and impaling the chicken with it.

"Sorry, you can't tranquilize the chickens," explained the instructor.

"You can snipe a chicken and get away with it, yet you can't tranquilize it?" asked Toon Link angrily. "Who makes these stupid rules anyway?"

"I do!" said Wigglytuff, "And there's NOTHING you can do about it!"

…

Toon Link tranquilized Wigglytuff.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Ow, let's do Herd it…" said Marth, rubbing his injuries.

"Herd it, it is," agreed Ike, rubbing Marth's injuries.

"What the hell?" asked Marth, weirded out.

"I scratch your back, you scratch mine," explained Ike.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Look, there's the father and son, after them!" yelled Lucario.

The twins decided to jog after Snake and Roy who were in a carriage.

"Maybe we should've taken the-"

"Shut up no one asked you, n00b!" said Lucario.

"What kind of a person says 'n00b'? Nerds, that's who!" argued Mewtwo, poking his tongue out at his older brother.

"Why I oughta…" said Lucario angrily.

They stopped running to fisticuff each other.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Catch it_

Jigglypuff sniped the tranquilized chicken at point blank range, which ricocheted off the ground and killed Jigglypuff.

"Awesome!" said Toon Link, grinning.

"Here's your clue." Said llia.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Quick, let's-…" said Toon Link. "Oh yeah, you're dead. This'll take some getting used to! Now I can reveal my deepest darkest secret…"

Toon Link took a deep breath and said to Jigglypuff,

"I sleep with a nightlight on!" yelled Toon Link.

"Oh really?" asked Jigglypuff, jumping up.

"AAHHH!" yelled Toon Link. "ZOMBIE!"

"Where? Where?" asked Jigglypuff.

"But I thought you were…you were…" said Toon Link, confused. "Wah…fuh…fee…shee…whopjhfehfehfioech…"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Herd it_

"Eep! Hurry, Falcon, you're blowing our cover!" Yelled Ganondorf loudly as he dived into a nearby bush.

Falcon stayed in the open.

"Must you do that every time we're near a bush?" Asked Falcon impatiently.

"The green warrior is always watching over his people…" Whispered Ganondorf ominously.

"Who, Link? You talk to him all the time on Super Bowl Sundays."

"Oh yeah." Said Ganondorf, rising out of the hiding spot.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 5th Place_

"It's just a medieval-timey kind of place." Said Marth, looking around at his surroundings.

"That's what they want you to think." Laughed Ike.

"Who's they?" Asked Marth.

"Er, Nazis," Said Ike, unsure.

"Are you positive? Why would nazis be in a fantasy place like this?" Asked Marth.

"They're uh, not very smart, but they're aggressive," Explained Ike, "They're, eh, trying to fool you with the dinky background, the stupid villagers that don't speak English…"

"Hey!" Yelled Princess Zelda, who happened to be visiting Ordon Village, "We do too speak English! How dare you treat us like animals!"

"Be quiet, non-English speaking person!" Barked Ike.

"Uh, Ike, that's the current ruler of this entire Kingdom," Whispered Marth frantically, "In other words, you just insulted one of the most powerful aristocrats in the world."

"Ha, what nonsense!" Laughed Ike forcefully, trying to look cool in front of Marth, "This is all nonsense!"

"Will it be nonsense when I ban you permanently from stepping foot in Hyrule again?" Asked Zelda angrily.

"No, no, it's all right," Laughed Ike fearfully, "I just found out that satan made me do that!"

"Ike's in trouble!" Sang Marth off-key.

"Quiet, you!" Barked Ike.

"Soldiers," Ordered Zelda, "Arrest that horrible mercenary!"

"GREAT…AETHER!!!" Yelled Ike, raising his sword to attack the soldiers.

Ike then realized that he wasn't carrying his sword due to the fact he was in a race.

"…" Said Ike.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 6th Place_

The tank that Dedede was driving crushed several trees and houses.

"Oh, look, the villagers have gathered for my arrival!" said Dedede, chuckling.

Kirby looked onward and saw a mob with torches and pitchforks, heading for them.

"Uh…that's no friendly gathering…" said Kirby, locking the entrance to the inside of the tank.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Herd it_

"How do we do this, dude?" Asked Falcon impatiently, "These sheep are vicious!"

Falcon revealed a hand covered in bandages.

"I have an idea." Said Ganondorf.

He pulled out his sword and slammed it in the ground.

…

The sheep didn't care.

"Well that was dumb!" Said Falcon angrily.

"I don't understand…" Muttered Ganondorf, "Where are earthquakes when you need them?"

_Marth and Ike_

"Alright, alright, I was wrong for once, alright?" Asked Ike furiously as he ran to avoid the oncoming stones, "Just shut up!"

"Okay…" Snickered Marth, "You lied about the whole nazi-thing too!"

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Mortal Enemies_

King Dedede pulled the trigger for the tank's cannon, which fired and hit a house.

Kirby tapped the penguin on the shoulder.

"What is it??" asked Dedede angrily, hating to be disturbed from his fun.

"The mob is almost done hacking at the lock for the entrance hatch above us…" said Kirby. "And…"

"And?" asked Dedede, watching the house collapse on itself.

"And, well…they'll murder us if they get inside!" said Kirby, with a look of horror.

"Never fear, this fat penguin has a plan!" cackled Dedede. Picking up a radio, he yelled into it, "Code red, I am in danger, code red! Send an F-22 jet to my location!"

Only a few seconds later, a jet shot the Hyrulians on the tank that contained Dedede and Kirby.

"…" said Kirby.

_Marth and Ike_

"I think you went a tad overboard on the whole deal when you were trying to draw a Hyrulian to calm the riot mob down," Whispered Marth to Ike.

"Nonsense…" Chuckled Ike nervously, "Let's keep hiding out in this Hyrulian-infested house…"

Ike realized the error in his plan.

And then he turned around.

"Oh…hi…" Said Ike, giving a fake smile to the bunch of Hyrulians in the bar they were in.

They glared at Ike angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Herd it_

"Hurry, It's 6:27 AM!" said Falcon, "And the other teams get here at 7:00!"

"Okay, just three more sheep, you get that pair and I'll get this one!" said Ganondorf strategically.

They successfully rounded up the sheep and accepted their clue.

"Success!" said Ganondorf. "Quickly, to the U-Turn at the edge of the Village!"

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Detour," read Kirby as Dedede parked the tank in the river. "Catch it or Herd it?"

Kirby waited for a few seconds.

"What's taking so long?" yelled Kirby to Dedede.

"I'm-a takin' the key out of the ignition, boy," explained Dedede angrily, "Don't want some thief to steal our ve-hicle!"

"We're doing Catch it!" said Kirby to Dedede as they ran off to the chicken coup.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Wow, Ike, you and your stupid mouth…" said Marth furiously as they hid in the tree.

"Hey, you're part of the blame also, this is a team!" said Ike.

"Yes, but **you're **the one who's banned from Hyrule kingdom!" said Marth.

_2nd Flight  
Arrived at: 6:45 AM_

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We're out!" said Ness happily, grabbing their backpacks and their tandem bike.

Ness pointed to their bike and noted,

"The bike actually saved us from elimination last leg, so we're gonna keep it for a while…"

"We're getting a tandem bike!" said Pikachu. "Easier to get to places!"

"_Go man, go!" yelled Ness, chaining their bike down and running for the door to the hotel._

"_They're coming out the door!" screamed Pikachu in horror at Link and Yoshi. Behind them was Samus and Falco, running by them._

"_Team Ness and Pikachu, you're team number nine!" said Koopa. "You made it!"_

"Yeah, we're definitely keeping this old thing…" chimed in Pikachu.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Look, the kids coming from behind!" said Roy, panicking.

"Not on my watch!" said Snake angrily, whipping the driver of their carriage, "Yah, yah!"

Their carriage crashed into a tree, which sent Roy, Snake and their bags flying onto the U-Turn mat, just before Toon Link and Jigglypuff could touch it.

"We choose…" said Roy dramatically. "… …Not to U-Turn anyone!"

They took the clue from the clue box and read from it.

"Make your way across Hyrule fields to Kakariko Village!" read Snake. "Let's do this!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Just follow them," said Toon Link bitterly to Jigglypuff, "Just grab the clue and follow them…"

"Okies!" said Jigglypuff, taking a clue and trailing after a frustrated Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Now that I've proved myself the dominant one here," said Lucario, "To the U-Turn mat!"

"I say that you cheated!" said Mewtwo. "You took my ultra rare Charizard Pokemon card at the last second during the poke battle!"

"Look, there's the mat, just up ahead," said Lucario, trying to change the subject.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"driver, to Link's house, dawg!" said Ganondorf.

"Past his house you mean." Corrected Falcon.

"Fine then, past." Sighed Ganondorf.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
On Catch it_

King Dedede ate popcorn as he watched Kirby try to catch a chicken, failing miserably.

"Are you going to help?" asked Kirby angrily.

"Maybe," said Dedede, Inhaling in all the chickens, swallowing and taking the next clue, "And maybe not."

Kirby ignored him.

_Marth and Ike  
On Herd it_

"Ugh, the rivals have just now finished with the Detour," Grumbled Ike, "Go faster!"

"You're the one who stopped for fifteen bathroom breaks!" Retorted Marth angrily.

"Oh…but still go faster." Snapped Ike hastily.

Marth sighed, and began herding the sheep inside.

"Wow, Marth!" Commented Ike, "You're really good at shepherding!"

"That's because I once had to hide out at a Farm, and I learned the ways of Shepard and farmers." Said Marth impatiently.

"Oh."

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Look, Pika, up ahead I see Ordon Village!" said Ness, pedaling. "And…it's almost completely destroyed?"

"Why is there a tank in the water?" queried Pikachu.

"Maybe it's the town's _septic tank_!" joked Ness poorly.

"That was a lame pun," said Pikachu.

"I know," sobbed Ness.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We choose not to U-Turn!" said Mewtwo.

"Make your way across Hyrule Fields to Kakariko Village!" read Lucario. "Come on, we're third, let's stay this way."

"I hear a carriage coming, not far away!" said a panicking Mewtwo.

"I hear it too!" said Lucario. "Come on, let's get out of here…"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

Falcon and Ganondorf were drunk, dancing inside the carriage.

"Um…you guys do know that…that…" mumbled the driver. "Forget it…"

A police car came out of nowhere.

"Sir, let me see your carriage license!" said the police man, whose face could not be seen.

"Here…" said the frat's carriage driver, handing the police man the wood license.

"Now, seeing as it's against the law to not be buckled, it is only fair to make the person who is responsible for it is fined 4,000 rupees…" continued the police man.

'Yesss…they finally get punished after all those felonies they commited…' thought the driver.

"…And that would be the driver!" finished the policeman.

"What?? NUUUUEZZZ!!1" said the driver.

"FRAT FIVE!" said Falcon and Ganondorf, high-fiving.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We'd better get the tank out of the water…" said Kirby, observing the damaged tank underwater.

"I'll do this, being a penguin and all!" said Dedede, jumping in the water.

As Kirby watched, Ness and Pikachu passed, Ness saying "Hi Kirby!"

"Hi Ness…" said Kirby. "How funny…I thought Ness was in the _**LAST FLIGHT**_???"

"Actually, we took a secret flight which landed us ahead of the other bottom teams…" explained Ness.

"How much ahead?" asked Kirby in panic.

"About…uh…gosh, I dunno…maybe twenty minutes…" replied Ness.

"How long have you been here?" questioned Kirby.

"I Got the tank out from the water!" said Dedede proudly, smiling dumbly.

"About…fifteen minutes…" said Ness, unsure.

"Which means the others are already here!" panicked Kirby.

"I said, I got the tank out…" said Dedede, wanting to get attention.

"Yep, so you'd better hurry. Later." Said Ness, running off to get the detour clue.

"I said…" yelled Dedede in a megaphone in Kirby's ear, "I GOT THE TANK OUT FROM THE WATER!"

Kirby's eardrums exploded, spraying blood in King Dedede's face.

"Let's-a go!" said Dedede, dragging an unconscious Kirby to the tank. "Oh, look, the meeting party is gathering again for my arrival!"

Dedede backed up the tank, which hit the only house that hadn't been destroyed by Dedede, then drove off.

"I'll remember to send a thank you A-Bomb to them!" said King Dedede, chuckling to himself.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Look, it's the rivals, in a tank!" said Marth, follow them to the U-Turn mat and before they get there we'll U-Turn them!"

"Driver, after that tank!" commanded Ike.

"There's no driver." Said Marth.

…

"Marth, after that tank!" commanded Ike.

_Last Flight  
Arrived at: 7:00 AM_

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We beat the other two teams out!" said DK excitedly, getting inside a taxi, "Hurry Diddy, hurry!"

"I'm comin' DK!" said Diddy, dragging his backpack, and the other teams' bags also.

"What the…?" asked DK angrily.

"We'll throw the other teams' bags in the Ordon River!" explained Diddy.

"Okay I guess…?" said DK.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"We seem to have misplaced our bags," lamented Yoshi.

"Let's just jog to Ordon…" suggested Link, "I think the apes stole it, dumb monkeys…"

"We ought to sue them!" said Yoshi angrily.

"But wait…if **we're** lawyers, then…who would be our lawyer???" asked Link in horror.

"It's a time-shattering paradox!" gasped Yoshi.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Oh no hon, we're in last!" cried Fox.

"Not to worry, we can catch up. In the meantime, we ought to find our bags." Said Wolf.

"Look, there's the lawyers who helped us earlier!" said Fox, surprised. "I don't remember seeing them on the plane…"

"Hey, you guys!" said Wolf. "Didn't you help us in Delfino Isle?"

"Oh yeah…" said Yoshi, remembering. "Why, you wanna sue someone?"

"No, someone must've stolen our bags!" said Wolf. "Otherwise we'd have them by now."

"It must've been those monkeys who were on our flight!" said Link angrily. "Let's follow them and get our packs back!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Detour," read Pikachu, "Catch it or Herd it?"

"I say Herd it!" said Ness.

"How did you know? You didn't even read the clue!" said the cameraman.

"Are you blind? Pikachu read it, stupid!" said Ness angrily. "Go film someone else why don't you."

The camera changed to a different team.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We need to stay in eighth to guarantee no elimination this time!" said DK, "We can't be eliminated!"

"How do we do that?" asked Diddy.

"By beating the two teams behind us!" said DK.

"Wait…you mean they're against us?" asked Diddy Kong.

"Um…sure…" said DK.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Herd it_

"We already have 4 sheep in the barn, only 16 left to go!" said Ness optimistically.

"Um help?" asked Pikachu, being eaten by two sheep.

"Oh no! Pikachu!" gasped Ness, running to Pikachu's aid. "I got a branch to shoo them away!"

Ness began whacking, with his eyes closed.

He opened them a minute later.

"All you did was hit me…" said Pikachu.

"Good thing I missed a lot, huh?" said Ness.

"Yeah, let me see that branch for a minute." Said Pikachu mischievously.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Look, Ordon Village is a complete ruin!" said DK, shocked. "Who did this?"

"Maybe this guy would know!" said Diddy Kong, pointing to a 'wanted' poster of King Dedede.

"Or this guy!" said Diddy, pointing to another wanted poster, this time with Ike's face.

"Or even this guy!" said Diddy Kong again, pointing to a third wanted poster with Ganondorf on it.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Wolfie, I see the monkeys walking out of their carriage!" said Fox, "Let's follow them!"

"They're…throwing bags into the…river?" said Wolf, confused.

They told their carriage driver to stop, and they paid him. Then they hid in nearby bushes, watching the two related simians do their dirty deed.

"Man, those rotten monkeys, I never told them but I think they're downright se-" Fox was promptly kicked by Wolf.

"Quick, those are our bags, jump into the river after them!" said Wolf angrily.

"But…but it's cold and wet and watery and…I don't wanna ruin my cute uniform!" sobbed Fox.

"I'll do it then!" said Wolf angrily, jumping into the river and swimming for their bags.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Wow, Link, you're really respected here!" Said Yoshi while watching Link wave to the passing Villagers.

"I know, I saved them!" Said Link, beaming.

"Saved them?! You?!" Laughed Yoshi.

He rolled on the ground, laughing.

Link waited impatiently for Yoshi to stop laughing.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Herd it_

"Twelve sheep down, eight more to go!" said Ness.

"Only five minutes left, hurry!" warned Pikachu. "The other teams have made it here by now! Go!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh…" said Ness.

After a half a minute, Ness spoke again.

"You know, when you think about it, our home life is pretty nice." Said Ness. "Lots of kids don't even have homes, or have as good of a home life as us. We can't really complain about it."

…

…

"Which isn't to say we should go back home yet." Finished Ness.

"When do you think they'll notice we stole the car?" asked Pikachu.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Catch it or Herd it?" asked DK.

"Herd it, HEEERD IT!" said Diddy Kong.

"Uh-oh, there's one of the other two teams!" gasped DK, "Quick let's get to the detour!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Didja get all of them yet?" asked Fox nervously, as Wolf brought another bag to land.

"That's about it." Replied Wolf.

"Don't forget our makeup kit!" whined Fox, "I wanna look nice!"

"…Uh…" said Wolf, noticing the camera. "It's for his mother…yeah…"

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"I see the Entrepreneurs ahead…" noted Link. "Why is the older one in the river?"

"Who knows, maybe he's taking a shower?" said Yoshi.

"Let's just-hey…are those our bags in the river?" said Link, shocked.

"Why it is!" said Yoshi. "Stay here, I'll get them!"

Yoshi ran past Fox and jumped headfirst into the river.

Link noticed the 'Do not Dive' sign, then looked where Yoshi jumped, seeing the water starting to turn red.

"That had to hurt…"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"It just says the U-Turn is near the edge of Ordon Village, come on." Said Pikachu.

"Why do you suppose we're here?" asked Ness.

"Because we walked here." Replied Pikachu.

"No, no…I mean here on Earth." Said Ness.

"Because Earth can support life." Sighed Pikachu

"No, I mean why are we anywhere? Why do we exist?" asked Ness slightly angered.

"Because we were born." Said Pikachu.

"Forget it." Said Ness angrily.

"I will, thank you." Retorted Pikachu.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Look, the delusional boy walking out of the ranch!" said DK, shocked. "He wasn't even on our flight!"

"Let's do the detour and catch up then!" said Diddy simply.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 9__th__ Place_

"Detour, Catch it or Herd it?" read Fox.

"Catch it." Said Wolf.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Detour, Catch it or Herd it?" read Link. "Say, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Two." Said Yoshi, his head bandaged. "I'm fine you know."

"What is twelve plus thirteen?" asked Link.

"twenty-five," said Yoshi.

"I want to make sure you're coherent before we sue…how many teams are there?" asked Link.

"Sixteen?" asked Yoshi unsure.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We saw the monkeys go into the ranch not long after we walked out, so we're gonna take some insurance…" said Ness. "I see the U-Turn, run Pika!"

The two of them ran fifty yards and onto the U-Turn mat.

"We choose to U-Turn DK and Diddy Kong!" said Pikachu, while Ness pasted DK and Diddy's picture on the board.

"Now we surely aren't gonna be eliminated!" chuckled Ness.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
On Herd it_

DK and Diddy were jumping up and down, scaring all the sheep, making them run straight into the barn.

"Only a few left, and they're too scared to act!" laughed DK, "What an easy task!"

"I hope we don't get U-Turned…" said Diddy worriedly.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Catch it_

"Damn chickens, they're so hard to catch!" growled Wolf, failing miserably at trying to catch a chicken.

"The feathers are sticking to my outfit!" whined Fox, "WOOOLF!"

"I can't do anything about it, just ignore it!" yelled Wolf.

_Link and Yoshi  
On Catch it_

"I used to catch these things all the time!" said Link, laughing.

"Well then," said Yoshi, "Catch one."

Link stood for a few seconds, then said,

"Well, I uh, need my lucky net…hold on a sec let me go to my house and fetch it!" said Link as he ran towards the direction where his house was.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're using this tandem bike again," explained Ness, "We're gonna pedal all the way to Kakariko Village."

"Yeah, and if one of us is tired, the other one pedals!" added Pikachu.

"We can count on making it through this leg!" said Ness, smirking.

"Okay, we've gotten to Hyrule Fields now…" explained Pikachu.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're done with the Detour, now off to the U-Turn mat!" said Diddy proudly.

"I hope we're not U-Turned…" said DK, worried. "We don't know if the other two teams that were behind us are now ahead!"

"Let's take the carriage to the U-Turn mat so we can get there faster!" said Diddy Kong.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Catch it_

"This is…awful…" whimpered Fox, looking at his muddied, feathery uniform. "I WILL catch a chicken!"

"Yeah right, I've been trying to catch one while you just sat there," said Wolf angrily. "Quit being a wuss."

"Who's the one who hates to not get their hair combed every day?" asked Fox angrily.

"YOU!" said Wolf angrily.

"Oh…well…still, I am going to catch a chicken!" said Fox, girlishly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Huff…huff…say, Pikachu…do you believe our destinies are determined by the stars?" asked Ness, pedaling.

"Nah…" said Pikachu, reading a book.

"Well, I do." Said Ness.

"Really? How come?" asked Pikachu.

"Life's alot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions." Replied Ness coyly.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"I see in the distance that somebody is U-Turned, but who?" asked DK as their carriage was speeding towards the object in question.

As they got closer, both apes groaned.

"Oh, no, we've been U-Turned!" cried DK, almost in tears.

"I wanted to win a million!" sobbed Diddy.

"Wait a second!" said DK, hopping out from the carriage and counting the number of clues in the cluebox. "There's three clues left, meaning that the other two teams must still be doing the detour! We're still in this, Diddy!"

"Yipee, we can still be in!" cheered Diddy.

"Driver, go back to Ordon Village!" ordered DK.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Catch it_

"This is too hard! I quit!" squealed Fox girlishly, pouting.

"Will you please finish this task for me?" asked Wolf.

Fox pouted.

"Please?" asked Wolf.

Fox pouted.

"DO THE TASK, DAMMIT" Said Wolf angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
On Catch it_

"Here, I got my net, let's catch us some chickens!" said Link, walking up to his partner who had been napping.

"Yes, finally!" said Yoshi happily.

Link ran off with a huge net, trying to catch the group of chickens in a garden patch.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're about…2 miles away from Ordon village now." Said Pikachu holding a measuring tape, which was still coming out, while yelling to a tiny figure two miles away, "YOU CAN LET GO NOW!"

Suddenly, the measuring tape's beginning part came at Ness and Pikachu's bike so fast it left a dent on the bike and sent Pikachu and Ness flying off of the bike seats.

"You and your bright ideas…" muttered Ness, glaring venomously at Pikachu.

"Sorry?" said Pikachu nervously.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're about halfway there to Ordon Village…" muttered DK nervously.

"Let's hope the two teams are still on the Detour!" said Diddy hopefully.

"Yeah," agreed DK.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Catch it_

"I Quit! I don't want to do this anymore!" pouted Wolf. "It's too hard and too messy! I never wanted to do this in the first place!"

Fox held out his hands.

"It's not like one of these chickens is just going to randomly decide to-"

A chicken landed on one of Fox's arms.

"Um…wolf…" whispered Fox quietly, "Tell the clue holder to look this way…"

"HEY CLUE PERSON!" yelled Wolf.

The chicken flew off.

Wolf laughed evilly.

"That's what you get for being a crybaby!"

"You do know we're gonna be last, right?" reminded Fox.

"Oh yeah, the race!" sobbed Wolf.

_Link and Yoshi  
Completed Detour_

"We completed the detour, give us the clue llia!" said Link.

"No!" said llia.

"Why not?" questioned Yoshi.

"Link is cheater!" said llia, holding up pictures of Link and Zelda, doing some…rather…inappropriate things.

"Wait…how did you get this picture of me and Zelda **cutting someone else's table in half**??" asked Link in horror.

Link looked at the others.

"Wait…these are photoshopped!" said Link angrily, snatching a clue from llia.

"Quick, to the U-Turn mat!" said Yoshi dramatically.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Catch it_

"We're screwed, Wolf…" sighed Fox. "We're obviously last, the lawyers are running off somewhere so they're obviously done…"

"I wonder if-…" said Wolf, as a dead chicken plopped onto his lap.

…

"Success!" said Fox and Wolf.

"To the U-Turn mat!" said Fox dramatically.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We haven't seen either team pass us to the U-Turn mat, so we might have a chance!" said DK.

The two monkeys looked out the window in time to see Link and Yoshi run past their carriage just as they had entered the center of Ordon Village.

"Well…there's still the entrepreneurs…" said Diddy, sniffing.

Fox and Wolf passed their carriage as it had stopped.

DK and Diddy Kong cried.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We've finally reached Kakariko Village!" said Roy, grinning. "We've been followed by a team the entire way here though, so we'd better beat them in whatever task lies ahead!"

"There's the cluebox, in front of that house at the very end next to the waterfall!" pointed out Roy.

"Not for long," cackled Snake as he aimed his weapon at the house.

"No, Snake, no!" said Roy, slapping Snake.

"What the hell, dad, I'm not a kid anymore!" said Snake, rubbing his cheek angrily.

"You sure act like one, though!" said Roy angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"They're stopping! They must see the next clue!" said Jigglypuff excitedly. "Let's follow them!"

"Okay," agreed Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd __Place_

"We can see the Kakariko Village sign hanging up ahead, We're about a hundred yards away…" noted Mewtwo.

"We could see two carriages pass through here from a distance away, let's hope they're running into trouble." Grumbled Lucario.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"…Are you sure this is legal?" asked Kirby angrily, as he and Dedede's tank were firing Bandits that were attacking. "Soon the whole Hyrule army will come after us…"

"Let 'em come!" yelled Dedede. "I'M A SURVIVOR!"

Kirby sighed as King Dedede ran over bandit corpses.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"…We're sitting on top of King Dedede's tank," explained Ike. "Am I a genius or what? We just avoid the crossfire while Dedede fight for us!"

"…It certainly is genius," admitted Marth. "But it has one problem…"

"And that is??" asked Ike rudely.

"**I **came up with the idea, dumbass." Said Marth angrily, kicking Ike off the tankside.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Well, we know for a fact this is the right way…" muttered Ness.

"How do you know?" asked Pikachu.

"There are tread tracks," pointed out Ness. "Who else would be driving a tank in this kingdom but you-know-who?"

"Good point," said Pikachu.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Well, Yoshi, we're in luck, those stupid apes got U-Turned!" laughed Link, pointing to the picture of DK and Diddy Kong.

"The question is who, though." Mused Yoshi. "Who U-Turned them? We can't tell who did, because it's a

Blind U-Turn…"

"It couldn't be us or the Entrepreneurs…So It had to have been somebody at the back of the first group!"

Fox and Wolf approached the Lawyers, looking tired.

"Hey, its you guys again," panted Wolf.

"Seeing that we're both headed in the same direction, and we have about 30 miles to travel…" explained

Yoshi, let's all run together!"

The other three nodded.

"We won't be eliminated because those cheating apes will be last!" laughed Fox, girlishly.

Everyone stared at him.

Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong Currently in Last Place

"Hurry, Diddy…" sobbed DK, "We have to find the area with the chickens!"

"There it is!" said Diddy, jumping up and down, "Come on Uncle, let's finish this!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Find your next clue, hidden in the graveyard somewhere." Read Snake. "Come on dad, let's go!"

"Coming…" said Roy, moving slowly with a walker.

Snake tapped his foot impatiently, as Roy moved slower than a snail slithering past him.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"For the rest of the leg, Jiggs, lets just piggyback on this team." Said Toon Link. "They find us the clues, and everything else, and when it gets to the pit stop, let's beat them there!"

"Isn't that risky?" asked Jigglypuff.

"How so?" asked Toon Link, "We're adorable and I'm sure they'll understa-"

"I mean for the viewers' sakes, we might end up as the next YL/Pichu team…" said Jigglypuff nervously.

"Good point, we'll just do it for this leg." Said Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're now Passing the Kakariko sign that is hanging…" noted Mewtwo.

"It must've been knocked down by somethin'…" said Ganondorf.

"I LIEK MEN" said Falcon drunkenly.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Old Enemies_

"We can see a carriage entering the middle of two Cliffsides with a hanging sign in the distance!" said Kirby, "They must be one of the other teams in the first group!"

"Then let's make sure they don't make it out alive!" cackled King Dedede evilly, aiming his tank's main weapon at the rocks above the passageway.

"NO!" yelled Kirby angrily, pushing the aiming cursor away in time to make the shot miss it's target.

"Why not?" asked Dedede angrily.

"WE need to go through that passage!" explained Kirby angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Did you hear a noise?" asked Mewtwo.

"I didn't hear it, Must be echoing inside your empty skull," teased Lucario cruelly.

"No, it sounded like thunder…" muttered Mewtwo.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Old Enemies_

After a short struggle, King Dedede managed to shoot his original target, which in turn buried the intended passageway under a pile of boulders.

"DAMN YOU!" yelled Kirby, "Now we have to go around!"

"Why is that so bad?" asked King Dedede, "This baby can go faster! Watch this!"

The tank grew wings and blasted off, past the buried passageway and landing on top of Roy and Snake's carriage.

Kirby just stared blankly at Dedede, marveled.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"…Did you just…" asked Ness.

"Uh huh…" replied a shocked Pikachu. "It…it flew! The tank flew!"

"Awesome!" whooped Ness. "Oh man! We have to go around!"

"Aw, no! I heard that's where the bulbin bandits' main territory is!" said Pikachu, distressed.

_Link and Yoshi  
Fox and Wolf_

"Psst! Link!" whispered Yoshi, as the two lawyers jogged slightly ahead of their two fellow joggers, the Entrepreneurs Wolf and Fox.

"Yes?"

"Let's ditch these guys once we get to the fields in front of the Kakariko Village!" explained Yoshi. "We'll be eighth, which will improve our previous ranking!"

"Good idea, let's do it when we get there." Agreed Link.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
On Catch it_

"This is hard!" sobbed Diddy, "We can't do this!"

"Yes we can! If you think you can, you can!" quoted DK.

"Ok, let's try again!" said Diddy, wiping his tears on his arm.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Here it is, dad," said Snake, digging up ten clues, showing them to his father, "The ten clues."

"Read it," said Roy.

"Roadblock!" read Snake aloud.

"_Roadblock!" said Koopa. "A Roadblock is a task only one person may perform!"_

_"In this roadblock, one person must find the scattered corpses of the bugs Link killed in order to collect all 16 Tears of light! They must find all of the 16 bug corpses, and take a pin that is pinning the bugs' corpse to the ground/wall that it is laying on. Once they have found all sixteen bugs, they must show this to Malo the midget boy in front of the main store for their next clue!"_

"Okay, I'll do this one…" said Roy to Snake.

"Good luck dad!" said Snake cheerfully.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"I'll do this roadblock." Explained Toon Link, "I think I can beat an old man at a roadblock!"

Roy, who was two feet away when he said this, glared angrily.

"I mean uh…I mean…uh…" stuttered Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Falcon and Ganondorf_

A few minutes later, Mewtwo, Lucario, Falcon and Ganondorf's carriage stopped next to King Dedede's tank which was completely torn to pieces.

"Look, Toon Link and Roy are coming out from that cemetery!" commented Mewtwo, "There must be a roadblock!"

"You'll do it this time," said Lucario. "But for now, shut up and help me find the next clue."

"Yeah, uh, we'll help you guys…" slurred Ganondorf.

_Ganondorf_

"We joined forces with Mewtwo and Lucario, we help each other and we try to be okay with each other. So far its worked fine and helped both our teams." Commented Ganondorf.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Old Enemies_

"You're…a moron…" grunted Kirby as he tried to lift himself. He watched the other teams run into the cemetery.

"I believe you mean…3/4…" chuckled Dedede, before collapsing again on his bruised stomach.

"No, you're a full-fledged moron…" snapped Kirby, kicking his partner.

_Roy  
Roadblock: 0/16_

"Hmm…I think there should be one in that huge house over there!" said Roy.

Toon Link stealthily followed him, Roy unaware.

"We're not letting you win this leg…" muttered Toon Link to himself.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Here it is!" said Falcon, "the eight remaining clues. We're third and fourth to the roadblock!"

"We'd better hurry then!" said Lucario, "Let's go for first and second!"

"We'll search together then!" said Ganondorf, "Two minds are better than one, yo!"

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"The graveyard is where everyone has been in, and that's where the next clue is." Said Marth simply.

"Let's hurry and get the clue then." Said Ike angrily.

_Roy  
Roadblock: 2/16_

"There was one in this chimney and another upstairs behind a wardrobe!" said Roy to the camera aloud.

Toon Link had already collected these and walked out from the store they had walked in.

_Mewtwo  
Roadblock: 0/16_

"There have to be some in this house…" mused Mewtwo, looking at the house next to the waterfall.

Walking in, he saw a hole in the floor, covered up. Mewtwo teleported to the bottom of the hole, to see a cavern ahead. He walked inside it and found three of the insects he needed to find.

"Excellent," cackled Mewtwo, using his telekinesis to take all three pins on the three insects and took them off. "Only thirteen more to find!"

_Ganondorf  
Roadblock: 1/16_

"There was one in this chimney where Roy had been lookin' through, so I put twos and twos togetha'." Said Ganondorf.

"AAAAAHHHH GANONDORF!!1" yelled some people running out of the store.

"…" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Roadblock!" read Ike. "Who's gonna do it? M-"

"You," said Marth automatically.

_Marth and Ike  
Pre-Leg Interview_

"I'm not a dirty type of guy, I'm kind of a Priss…But, of course, I'm a prince, so yeah." Said Marth sheepishly. "I have to admit, I am a great runner. And an awesome swordsman."

…

"So you're homo?" asked Ike.

"Don't you have something better to do than mock me?" asked Marth angrily.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
On Catch it_

"We've…not caught…a single one yet…" panted DK.

"Look uncle, I caught one!" said Diddy excitedly.

"I think we ought to…quit, Diddy…" panted DK.

"I said…I found a chicken," said Diddy almost angrily.

"And then we'll qui-YOU CAUGHT ONE??" asked DK joyfully. "YES YES YES!"

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Let's catch up to those two teams who had been with us on the last fli-" Diddy said before being belted by DK.

"More running, less talking." Said DK, running full speed.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"AUUUUGH!" screamed Pikachu, as he and Ness pedaled the bike, followed by bandits on warthogs. "WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

"Not today!" said Ness triumphantly, throwing Pikachu's book at one of the warthogs, making it stop running after them.

"That was my book!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Do you have a better plan to get rid of warthog riding bandits, I presume?" asked Ness, "I didn't think so!"

"Why you…" said Pikachu, punching Ness in the arm.

"Hey! You take this!" said Ness, slapping Pikachu.

The two fought while pedaling at the same time.

_Link and Yoshi  
Fox and Wolf_

"Hey, let's start running real fast, and ditch these fellas!" said Link, "We're just now crossing the borderline from Faron province to Eldin Province!"

"Okay!" replied Yoshi. Link jumped on his back, and Yoshi speeded off, quickly leaving Fox and Wolf behind.

"Hey!" sputtered Wolf angrily, "They're ditching us! Come on, let's catch up!"

The two Entrepreneurs began running faster.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Okay, okay, you win," said Ness, Pikachu sitting on top of him.

"Wait…" said Pikachu. "If I'm not driving, and you're not, then who is?"

…

"AAAAAAHHH!" yelled Ness and Pikachu, their bike speeding over a rock bridge.

"Hey…the Bandits aren't chasing us anymore!" noted Ness carefully.

"I think Kakariko Village is up ahead!" said Pikachu, picking up his backpack. "Come on!"

_Toon Link  
Roadblock: 4/16_

"I got four now," said Toon Link. "And here's another one!"

…

"I shouldn't have said that aloud, huh?" said Toon Link, feeling dumb.

All the other teams went over there and got one then left.

_Roy  
Roadblock: 3/16_

"These are pretty difficult to find…" said Roy.

Snake blew up the shed at the top of Kakariko Village.

"Wow, after all the effort of remaking that thing!" said a worker angrily.

_Ganondorf  
Roadblock: 2/16_

"I only have two, dawg," said Ganondorf angrily. "Where am I gonna find fourteen more?"

"By looking?" said Falcon angrily. "Really, I'm stone drunk right now and I now that!"

He was arrested shortly after.

Ganondorf just ignored him.

_Mewtwo  
Roadblock: 6/16_

"This task is easy," said Mewtwo to himself as he found yet another one.

"I just hope the others aren't doing so well…" added Mewtwo.

_Ike  
Roadblock: 2/16_

"I just found a bug upstairs, now let's see if there's one behind the counter…" said Ike to himself.

He checked, and found none.

"Nope…Say, maybe there's some in that room behind the bar counter…" said Ike.

He walked inside the storage room with the chimney.

_Toon Link  
Roadblock: 5/16_

"Only eleven more…" said Toon Link. "Hee hee, I bet I'm the highest!"

_Mewtwo  
Roadblock: 9/16_

"I bet I'm the highest scored right now!" said Mewtwo happily. "This is smooth sailing!"

_King Dedede  
Roadblock: 0/16_

"Are you gonna do anything?" asked Kirby angrily.

"Quiet, let me think, boy!" said Dedede angrily.

Kirby sobbed quietly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"I see most of the other teams!" said Ness, "They're searching for something!"

"Probably the roadblock, there's only person of each team…" noted Pikachu.

"I'll do this roadblock!" said Ness. "Assuming that's what's next."

_Ike  
Roadblock: 4/16_

"I am now searching the house next to the waterfall!" announced Ike.

Nobody was paying attention.

"Hey! Hey! Pay attention to me!" said Ike angrily.

_Ganondorf  
Roadblock: 3/16_

"This is hard! Hey Mewtwo, how many do you have?" asked Ganondorf.

"Nine. Why?" asked Mewtwo. "Do you need help?"

"Yeah, this is hard fo' me I guess…" said Ganondorf.

"Maybe it has something to do with the kids following you around and trying to hurt you?" asked Mewtwo.

Ganondorf realized four kids had been following him, kicking his leg.

"Ah." Said Ganondorf, transforming into Beast form and scaring the kids off.

"There are three bugs in the house next to the waterfall, and some in the house that Snake exploded, up above the houses on the right…" advised Mewtwo.

"Thanks, dawg!" said Ganondorf.

_Toon Link  
Roadblock: 6/16_

"There's one in the building next to the house that Snake exploded above the houses on the right side of—" Toon Link died from lack of oxygen.

_Roy  
Roadblock: 6/16_

"I have only six, I think two teams are ahead of me…" said Roy sheepishly. "I wish Snake could have done this task, I'm too old to be running around from house to house…searching for dead bugs…"

_King Dedede  
Roadblock: 0/16_

King Dedede sat there, staring blankly into space.

"Are you-" asked Kirby before King Dedede shushed him.

…

"Done." Said Dedede, inhaling hugely. Parts of the house not nailed down flew into Dedede's mouth, same with stray chickens, trees and windows.

King Dedede then barfed out four pins.

"See?" said King Dedede, "Am I genius?"

"I don't know if you're a genius or a moron…" sighed Kirby.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Roadblock!" read Pikachu. "I think you should do it."

"Yeah, okay." Said Ness, walking out with Pikachu from the graveyard.

"I think we can get maybe fifth or sixth if we hurry and finish this roadblock…" said Pikachu.

"Wait a minute…" said Ness. "I have an idea!"

_Toon Link  
Roadblock: 8/16_

"I have two more! Now I think we're first!" said Toon Link happily.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Okay, we shall…go **back in time** to receive our next clue!" said Ness dramatically, getting out a cardboard box and hopping inside.

He sat inside of it with Pikachu.

…

"Uh," said the cameraman, "You do know you're delaying your team?"

"Shh!" said Ness angrily, "We have to be quiet and go back to the right time frame!"

…

"Ahem?" asked the cameraman angrily.

Ness stood there quietly for a second, and then said, "Phew, what a trip, we're back!"

"But you didn't go anywhere, you just toggled with the box and stood there for a measly two seconds!" protested the cameraman.

"That's because we went back in time and appeared at the same moment we had left when we came back!" said Ness merrily.

"That…makes no sense," said the cameraman, sighing.

_Mewtwo  
Roadblock: 12/16_

"I have only four left!" said Mewtwo excitedly, "I'm gonna win first place!"

Mewtwo paused for a moment.

"I hope we win a motorbike!" said Mewtwo, starry-eyed.

_Ganondorf  
Roadblock: 5/16_

"We're definitely not gettin' first this time, yo." Said Ganondorf, depressed.

_Ike  
Roadblock: 6/16_

"I'm about there…" said Ike. "Nearly halfway…"

_Toon Link  
Roadblock: 10/16_

"I am **not **getting second!" said Toon Link angrily. "I refuse for anything less!"

"Aren't you supposed to be the more calm and collective one?" asked Jigglypuff.

"No, I figure if I'm OOC the audience'll love us." Said Toon Link.

"Oh." Said Jigglypuff.

_Roy  
Roadblock: 9/16_

"I'm about more than halfway now." Said Roy. "I'm tired though."

_King Dedede  
Roadblock: 15/16_

"Ra ra ra! One more!" said Dedede, chuckling.

"Wow! Even the author doesn't know how you did it so fast!" said Kirby, marveled.

Kirby looked onward and saw that the last bug for their team was right in front of Dedede.

"Dedede! In front of you!" said Kirby desperately.

"Huh?" said King Dedede, smiling dumbly.

"You're gonna act stupid again, aren't you?" asked Kirby angrily.

"Yep," said Dedede, grinning.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Now, we can go to the pit stop!" said Ness triumphantly. "And get first place!"

"Actually, according to the rules," said the cameraman, quoting, "Section 7 Paragraph 246 clearly states 'In the case that a team has a Time machine and goes forward in time to get the next clue, they will be penalized for cheating if they go ahead and do the next activity'. There, see?"

"Joy kill," said Ness and Pikachu at the same time.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Look, the pathway is blocked, we've got to go around…" said Link sheepishly.

"And look at the pitiful Entrepreneurs, they're a good hundred yards away…" snickered Yoshi. "Let's leave 'em in the dust again!"

Yoshi noticed the camera.

"Um…in a very…honest way…yeah…" chuckled Yoshi nervously.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 9th Place_

"We're ninth now, because of those stinkin' Lawyers…" growled Wolf, panting.

"I know!" said Fox angrily.

"First the car slashing incident, then the Bags in the river mishap, and now this." Said Wolf bitterly.

"I know!" said Fox angrily.

"It's as if we're being forced out of the race!" said Wolf, distressed.

"I know, okay?!" said Fox angrily. "I know all of it, I have been right alongside you the entire time!"

"I wish you were even closer by my side…" said Wolf, in a really lame pickup line kind of way.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"The two teams that were originally behind us decided to jog to the Village!" said Diddy.

"So we're hoping that using a carriage to get there instead of running will be easier!" exclaimed DK.

"We've left Faron woods and we're on Hyrule Fields now!" said Diddy excitedly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Completed Roadblock_

"We did it!" said Mewtwo, "We're done!"

"This is awesome!" said Lucario. "For once, I'm actually proud of you!"

"Thanks!" said Mewtwo, beaming.

"Don't let that comment go to your head, dumbass." Said Lucario, lighting a cigarette.

"Gasp!" gasped Mewtwo, before telekinetically making Lucario's cigarette explode.

"What the hell…?" said Lucario, looking at the charred remains of his cigarette, "You did this!"

"Exactly!" explained Mewtwo, "If you smoke, we'll be penalized again! Don't you want to get first?"

"Not with you I don't!" said Lucario angrily.

Mewtwo glared at him.

"Okay, fine, I do wanna get first! But the smoking was your fault!" said Lucario blatantly.

"How is it MY FAULT?" asked Mewtwo.

"Well um, you see, You're the one who's…who's…" stuttered Lucario. "Give me another hour to think of a comeback…"

_Toon Link  
Roadblock 15/16_

"One more…" said Toon Link. "Where is it…"

He saw the last one in front of King Dedede, who stood there blankly.

"Score!!1" said Toon Link, getting the last pin.

"Look, Mewtwo and Lucario are too busy arguing to notice we're also done!" said Jigglypuff happily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

Toon Link opened the clue and read it.

"Make your way to the Pit Stop of this leg!" read Toon Link.

"_Teams must now make their way to the Death Mountain trail and travel on the road until they find the Goron Springs, the second of eleven pit stops in this race around the world!" said Koopa Troopa. "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, __**may**__ be eliminated."_

"Let's go!" said Jigglypuff.

_King Dedede  
Roadblock: 15/16_

"Dedede! Get the last Pin!" said Kirby.

"Get the mast's ben?" said Dedede.

"LAST PIN!" yelled Kirby.

"LAST PIN where?" asked King Dedede.

_Roy  
Roadblock: 12/16_

"Well, two teams are done, maybe we can beat them in a footrace, assumin' I can find the last four pins…" sighed Roy.

_Ike  
Roadblock: 8/16_

"I'm only halfway through, and two teams are done?!" said Ike angrily. "What is this madness??"

_Ganondorf  
Roadblock: 6/16_

"I'm not even halfway…" said Ganondorf, upset. "We're not going to let them beat us!"

_Ness  
Roadblock: 1/16_

"I got one already!" said Ness, showing it to the camera. "It was next to Dedede!"

"Go Ness, hurry! I think the three last teams are nearly here!" said Pikachu, to Ness.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"We've gone around, there was a rockslide that blocked the other path…" said Link as he rode on Yoshi's back.

"The Entrepreneurs aren't off our backs yet…" noted Yoshi, looking behind them to see two sweaty racers about two hundred yards away.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 9th Place_

"We're keeping up as best we can," said Wolf, "But we'll have to hope for endurance, we're almost too tired to run…"

"I wonder how Yoshi runs so fast…" sniffed Fox thoughtfully.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're now within Eldin Province," said DK, looking at a map. "We passed the borderline just a half a minute ago."

"I think we're catching up to the two teams!" said Diddy, "I just know it!"

"We're not going out without a fight!" said DK inspirationally.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"There's the trail, let's hurry and beat them to the mat!" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay!" said Toon Link happily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Forget it, okay?" said Mewtwo, "You're right you win, let's go win first place now."

"Funny," said Lucario.

"What is it?" asked Mewtwo nervously.

"Toon Link was standing there just a minute ago…Wonder where he went…" mused Lucario.

"Oh no, they're already on the trail!" said Mewtwo, horrified. "We need to win this leg!"

_Roy  
Roadblock: 14/16_

"Whew! Just two left and I'm done!" said Roy gleefully. "I should be third place right now…"

_Ike  
Roadblock: 11/16_

"Eleven out of sixteen! Just five more!" said Ike to himself. "I can do this! I can do this!"

_Ganondorf  
Roadblock: 8/16_

"I'm finally halfway…" said a breathless Ganondorf. "Oh no, here comes the Hyrulian army for my Arrest!"

"Ganondorf, hurry up and find the last eight! I'll distract them!" said Falcon.

"Okay!" said Ganondorf, running inside the bomb shop.

_Ness  
Roadblock: 3/16_

"I've found three so far. Pretty good, huh? The frats are only just now halfway through, I think I'll look in the bomb shop too…"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way to the Pit Stop, the Goron Springs!" read Roy. "Come on Snake, let's catch up to the other two teams!"

"Alright dad!" said Snake cheerfully, as he and his father ran for the Starting point of Death Mountain's trail.

_King Dedede  
Roadblock: 15/16_

"Oh look, Kirby, the last pin!" chuckled Dedede, picking up a pin from the bug at his feet. "Nyuk, I guess we're done here!"

"Uggghh…" groaned Kirby. "Wait, what? We're done?"

"Yep!" said King Dedede, holding up their last clue for the leg.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Why didn't you pick it up twenty minutes ago??" asked Kirby angrily.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Longtime Rivals_

"Make your way to the next pit stop…King Dedede's belly!" said King Dedede dramatically.

"Pfft, as if," scoffed Kirby cynically. "Stop trying to get me in your stomach!"

_Ike  
Roadblock: 12/16_

"I'm about there, four left and we'll be fifth to finish the roadblock…" muttered Ike to himself.

"Will you quit talking to yourself?" said the cameraman. "It's creepy!"

_Ganondorf  
Roadblock: 9/16_

"I found one at the top of the stairs!" said Ganondorf. "No thanks to Mr. Renado!"

Mr. Renado was hiding in the corner of the counter downstairs, afraid of Ganondorf.

_Ness  
Roadblock: 4/16_

Ness picked up the one Ganondorf did.

"How many do you have?" asked Ness.

"Nine, whats it to you?" asked Ganondorf angrily.

"Just checking something…" said Ness.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"We're finally at Kakariko Village!" said Link happily.

The two Lawyers came just in time to see Kirby and King Dedede run up the Death Mountain trail.

"Hey, that may be where the next clue is!" suggested Yoshi.

"Yeah, good thinking!" complimented Link, as the two of them followed Dedede and Kirby stealthily.

_Fox and Wolf  
Entrepreneurs_

"We're still ninth, no sign of the apes, so we might get lucky…" breathed Fox, tired.

"Look, bandits on warthogs are coming!" panicked Wolf, starting into a sprint.

"I think Kakariko Village is over past that pathway between the cliff sides!" pointed out Fox.

"Good eye, now run!" said Wolf, barely dodging an arrow.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're about a hundred yards away from what used to be the main entrance of Kakariko Village…" said DK to the camera. "Apparently there was a rockslide. I see fading footprints, so the other two teams must not be far ahead…"

"We're catching up! This is gonna be close!" said Diddy in fright.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We'd climbed over the wall with wire on it…" said Toon Link. "And we hear the Twins behind us."

"I can see them! They teleported up here!" said Jigglypuff, panicking.

"It's only Mewtwo, Lucario is climbing!" said Toon Link. "Come on Jiggs, let's run!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Look, look, they're getting away Lucario! Come on!" said Mewtwo, pointing at Toon Link and Jigglypuff who were running away.

"Don't worry, we're faster, we can beat 'em in a footrace!" said Lucario.

Mewtwo helped his older brother up, and they both chased after Toon Link and Jigglypuff, gaining on them.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We just saw Lucario pull himself over the side of that wall!" said Roy, "Come on Snake, help me climb this!"

"We might get first this time, dad!" said Snake excitedly, helping Roy starting climbing.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Huh? Why are those Lawyer guys following us? Aren't they like, near last or something?" asked Kirby. "OH NO! If they're here, then the bottom group must be here!"

"Hey wait a second!" said Link. "Where's the next clue?"

"Uh, its not this way, we're headed for the pit stop…" explained King Dedede, "It's next to that waterfall at the end of the street."

"Thanks," said Link, running off with Yoshi to the next clue.

"Aw, now Roy and Snake are getting away!" said Kirby angrily.

_Ike  
Roadblock: 15/16_

"Aw man, I'm on the last one and I can't find it, and now here comes Link and Yoshi, in probably eighth or ninth place!" said Ike, "Hopefully they'll have a hard time like Ganondorf did…"

_Ganondorf  
Roadblock: 10/16_

"There was one here…" pointed Ganondorf to a bug pinned to the boards.

Ganondorf got on his belly and watched as Falcon distracted the soldiers by giving an improv story about where Ganondorf was.

"Good, they're still busy…" sighed Ganondorf, relieved.

"Whoa!" said Ness, amazed.

Ganondorf noticed that Ness had walked past him and towards the charred remains of the house that Snake shot down.

Ness was picking at something on the ground. As Ganondorf got closer, he realized that there were three bug corpses on the ground!

"Success!" said Ganondorf, adding three to his ten. "Only three more and I'm done!"

"Really?" asked Ness. "I had five, but with these three its now eight! I'm already halfway through!"

"Oh man, I did so poorly compared to the other five teams that were in da top pack, dawg…" said Ganondorf, depressed.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"It says to go to the graveyard and find the next clue!" explained Link, "Oh no, there's the Entrepreneurs, just down at the other end of the Village street, where Death Mountain Trail starts!"

"Quick, sneak into the graveyard so they don't know where to go!" whispered Yoshi.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Whoa! Look, there's another guy over there, Marth, one of the guys in the first group!" said Wolf, shocked. "It must be a roadblock!"

"And I see the lawyers, sneaking into the graveyard!" said Fox angrily, "That must be where the clue is!"

"No, its where they were a few seconds ago, in front of that house next to the waterfall! The cluebox!" explained Wolf.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're going around, we're already in another field and headed for the gap in between the two cliffsides over there…" said DK.

"We're definitely not far behind!" said Diddy cheerfully.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"What did I tell you?" smirked Lucario, as they reached the end of Death Mountain trail, and reached The beginning of Death Mountain. "We beat them here."

"The Pit stop should be just over there," pointed out Mewtwo, to their left, over another wall.

Mewtwo teleported to the top of the wall and looked down to see the springs, the mat and Koopa Troopa.

"It's here alright! Hurry, Lucario!" called out Mewtwo.

"Not if we can help it!" yelled Toon Link, as he and Jigglypuff zoomed past Lucario and jumped down a few rocks and headed for the starting point of the climb.

Mewtwo hurriedly teleported back to where Lucario was and said,

"Grab my hand Lucario!" said Mewtwo, panicking.

"Ew, no! I'm not gay!" said Lucario, backing up.

"Just touch me for a second!" said Mewtwo, rolling his eyes.

"I just said I'm not homo!" said Lucario, angrily.

"Dangit Lucario! Just touch me!" said Mewtwo.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff were halfway up the climb now.

"You can just touch my shoulder or something, Lucario, please, touch me somewh-"

"Yuck! Don't you know that 90% of gay relationships start with a hand on a shoulder?!" said Lucario angrily.

"Ugh!! Lucario, touch me anywhere!" said Mewtwo, "It does not matter!"

Jigglypuff decided to float to the top, and she was holding out her arms for Toon Link to get up faster.

"Lucario, now!" said Mewtwo.

"Don't talk to me like that!" said Lucario, punching Mewtwo.

Mewtwo coughed up blood.

Jigglypuff helped Toon Link up, and now they were jumping down into the springs.

Mewtwo got an idea.

"Hey Lucario! I'll tell everyone your darkest secret if you don't—" said Mewtwo before Lucario tried to strangle him.

"Don't you ever try that or else!" snarled Lucario.

The two of them teleported.

Toon Link had touched the mat already, and Jigglypuff dove for the mat.

The Twins re-appeared, a few inches above the mat.

Jigglypuff slid onto the mat, at the seemingly same time Mewtwo and Lucario came in contact with the mat.

The two teams stared in earnest at Koopa, hoping for the best.

"…I'm gonna have to watch a replay," said Koopa, surprised.

A Lakitu on a cloud brought a replay camera and showed it in front of the teams in slow motion.

Jigglypuff's stub of an arm hit the mat a few milliseconds before Mewtwo and Lucario's feet hit the mat themselves.

"Toon Link and Jigglypuff," said Koopa Troopa, "You are team number **one**!"

Jigglypuff and Toon Link cheered as Mewtwo and Lucario moaned.

"This is your fault!" snapped Lucario, slapping Mewtwo, "If you only teleported us directly on the mat instead of above it, we'd be first!"

"First of all, I didn't know the elevation, so we could've ended up stuck in the mat, and second of all, if you just touched me like I told you to we would've won!"

Lucario thought about that as Koopa Troopa told the Students what their prize was.

"You two have won a trip to the Bahamas!" said Koopa to the first place team.

"Wooo!" cheered Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake  
3rd Team to Arrive to Pit Stop_

Snake and Roy jumped down into the spring and walked over to the mat, seeing the Twins and the Students already there.

"Roy and Snake, you're the third team to arrive," said Koopa plainly.

"What? We're not first?" asked Snake, shocked.

Roy pointed to the other two teams a few feet away.

"What do they have to do with anything, dad?" asked Snake angrily.

"…Forget it," said Roy, sighing.

"…However, because you guys slashed Fox and Wolf's tires, Stole DK and Diddy's passports, destroyed a road, burned down a house, and are wanted for arson, you get a _five minute penalty_!"

"Oh no!" gasped Roy, "My son would not do such a thing!"

"Yeah!" said Snake, lying. "Of course I wouldn't!"

"I think you're making this up!" said Roy angrily.

Koopa showed Replays on King Dedede's flat screen TV.

"Oh," said Roy.

He gave Snake a time out shortly after.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We're fifth to finish, and even ninth place is here!" said Marth, upset.

"Just…let's run to the Pit stop." Said Ike.

_Ganondorf  
Roadblock: 14/16_

"Oh, no…" sighed Ganondorf, "One of the last two that I have to get are pinned on the ground next to the clue box next to the house which is next to the waterfall!"

Falcon 'accidentally' tripped and caused a pin to fly in Ganondorf's direction.

"Success!" said Ganondorf, as he collected his fifteenth pin.

_Ness  
Roadblock: 10/16_

"We have ten, now only six more to go, and two teams are only just now starting!" said Ness cheerfully.

"Who's 'we'?" asked the cameraman suspiciously.

"Uh, nobody, I just like saying Wii is all," laughed Ness nervously. "Wii, Wii, Wii…"

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Roadblock!" read Link. "I'll do it, hopefully they didn't switch where the bugs originally were, 'cause then it'd be a cinch!"

"Yeah, let's beat these guys who've been here forever!" said Yoshi gleefully.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Roadblock!" read Fox. "You do it, I'm too tired…and I'm gonna re-apply my new make u-I mean, my man deoderant…"

"Okay, fine, I'll do it…" panted Wolf. "Even when It was I **WHO CARRIED YOU ON MY BACK MOST OF THE WAY OVER HERE**!!1"

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Team Roy and Snake, your five minute penalty is over." Said Koopa.

They walked onto the mat.

"Team Roy and Snake, you're team number three!" said Koopa Troopa.

"It's okay, I guess…" sighed Roy. "Oh, Roy, your time-out is over now!"

Snake grumbled angrily.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
4th team to arrive at Pit Stop_

"Team Kirby and King Dedede, you're team number four." Said Koopa Troopa.

"We were hoping for third actually…" sighed Kirby, "At least we didn't fall too far behind…"

"Well, you've gone from first to fourth, that's three whole places down," said Koopa. "You're not disappointed with these results."

"A little." Said Kirby. "…Okay, okay, a lot!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're sixth place, dude," said Falcon, "Not cool when you were third to get to the roadblock…"

"Yeah, but let's sprint to the Pit Stop, before they catch up…" lamented Ganondorf, as he and Falcon were being chased by the Hyrulian army.

_Ness  
Roadblock: 11/16_

"Well, Ganondorf finally finished, when it apparently took him about nearly two hours to complete…" said Ness, "I hope I can find these last five before the three teams behind me catch up…"

_Link  
Roadblock: 5/16_

"Okay, some have been moved around," said Link, looking in all the places they originally had been. "I've checked all the original places except for that burnt house one that me and Midna burned down!"

Link chuckled to himself as he walked inside the bomb shop to go up to the burned down houses' location.

_Wolf  
Roadblock: 3/16_

Wolf followed Link inside the bomb shop, knowing that he obviously knew where most of the bugs were.

"I'm gonna piggyback on Link for a while, then find the rest on my on…" explained Wolf.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"We've made it!" said Diddy Kong. "Look Uncle, those two teams we've been trying to catch up to!"

"And another team! The delusional kid!" said DK, jumping up and down with joy.

"Come on Uncle, let's pass them at the next task!" said Diddy Kong, running ahead of DK to the cluebox next to the waterfall.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"Team Marth and Ike, you're team number five!" said Koopa Troopa.

"We're angry with ourselves," explained Marth, "We did good until the very last task, then we flunked up pretty bad on it, landing us here in fifth…"

"We'll do better next leg, we're sure of it!" said Ike, raising his fist in the air.

_Link  
Roadblock: 7/16_

"I found one on the second floor of Mr Renado's Bomb shop!" said Link happily, "And here's another one outside!"

Link chuckled as he picked up his eighth bug.

"That makes eight, only eight more to go!"

_Wolf  
Roadblock: 4/16_

Wolf had waited for Link to crawl out the window and go outside, and then the former took a pin from the bug Link had already gotten from.

"I am still behind Link, I can only hope to maybe get ninth and stay in this race!" sniffed Wolf, feeling like crying.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"Roadblock!" read DK. "I'll do it, you're too hyper from the suspense!"

Diddy Kong was too busy having energy spikes to be paying attention to his team mate.

"Its up to me…" said DK, running out from the graveyard and automatically picking up the last pin for the bug that was right next to the cluebox next to the waterfall.

…

DK went ahead and ate the bug corpse.

_Ness  
Roadblock: 12/16_

"Only four more…" said Ness. "The last place team is now starting the roadblock, that's really bad, 'cause my team was the one that U-Turned them…"

_Link  
Roadblock: 10/16_

"All three bugs were in the burned down house, just like they were on my adventure!" said Link, grinning. "Surely my team is not gonna be eliminated!"

_Wolf  
Roadblock: 8/16_

"Okay, I'll find the rest of these on my own, without using Link as help," said Wolf to himself as he picked up the last pin from the last of the three bugs in the burned down house's wreckage.

_DK  
Roadblock: 2/16_

"Two already, I think I can still be in the race!" said DK, feeling a glimpse of hope. "I'm not gonna go out!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place_

The two frats clumsily climbed over the rock wall and landed in the springs, and then walked over to the mat, touching it.

"Team Falcon and Ganondorf, you are team number six." Said Koopa Troopa. "Are you happy to be a spot higher than your previous leg?"

"Definitely, dawg," said Ganondorf, "But we're gonna try t' stay sixth till it gets t' the point where we gotta move on and win the million!"

"Yeah, what she said!" said Falcon.

Everyone stared at him weirdly.

"Oh, by the way, Ganondorf." Said Koopa. "You do know that Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, right?"

Ganondorf cried.

"I like to pretend he isn't, okay??" sobbed Ganon.

_Ness  
Roadblock: 14/16_

"Only two left! Come on Ness, think!" said Ness to himself. "You gotta think, where would the last two be?"

He thought of the big shop that Malo stood in front of.

"Perfect!" said Ness as he ran over to the store and went inside.

_Link  
Roadblock: 10/16_

"Wow, can't find anymore," said Link, a little nervous, "I just hope Wolf doesn't get advantage over me while I look for the last six…"

_Wolf  
Roadblock: 10/16_

"I have about the same as Link, I think," said Wolf. "Hey, heh heh, that rhymes! Link, think!"

Wolf chuckled to himself.

The cameraman just took a step back nervously.

_DK  
Roadblock: 4/16_

"I've got only four, and everyone else has so many!" sniffed DK. "Maybe I should look in the house next to the waterfall…"

_Ness  
Roadblock: 15/16_

"Yes, only one more…one more…" said Ness, looking frantically throughout the shop. "No, nothing…"

Ness frowned.

"Wait, maybe its upstairs!" said Ness, running up the stairs.

_Link  
Roadblock: 10/16_

"Now I can't find any…" said Link, frowning. "This isn't good, Wolf is bound to find more…I hope he doesn't pass me…"

_Wolf  
Roadblock: 11/16_

"I got to keep going, a few are left…" said Wolf. "Just a few…more…"

Wolf searched the house some more.

"One under the bed! That's twelve!"

_DK  
Roadblock: 6/16_

"Yes, I have six," said DK. "Six! I think I'll catch up alright!"

DK collected two more bugs.

_Ness  
Roadblock: 15/16_

"Yes, I found the last one!" said Ness, running out of the store and running up to Malo, who gave him the next clue.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Make your way to the Pit Stop, the Goron Springs!" read Ness. "Come on Pika, let's go get on the Pit Stop!"

"We ought to get seventh I suppose…" mused Pikachu.

_Link  
Roadblock: 11/16_

"I found one more…" sighed Link, "But there's still five more! Where could they be???"

Link sat down and thought for a bit.

_Wolf  
Roadblock: 14/16_

"Fourteen down, two to go." Said Wolf, grinning to himself. "I bet I'm going faster than even Link is, heh heh heh!"

_DK  
Roadblock: 8/16_

"I'm halfway through, I'm halfway!" said DK to Diddy.

"Keep goin' Uncle, you can do it!" said Diddy, giving his relative a thumbs up.

_Link  
Roadblock: 12/16_

"I only have twelve now!" said Link angrily. "This is dumb! I was doing great one moment, now I can hardly find any!"

_Wolf  
Roadblock: 15/16_

"I think the last one should be in the house next to the shop with the bar!" said Wolf, heading inside the said building.

_DK  
Roadblock: 9/16_

"I found another, now maybe this one has a pair like the others…" mused DK as he searched the room clearly.

_Link  
Roadblock: 12/16_

"I haven't found another one…" fumed Link. "Augh, no fair!"

_Wolf  
Roadblock: 15/16_

"I think I found the last one!" said Wolf as he got another pin.

He counted them up. He had sixteen.

"Hey, boy, I got sixteen, see?" Wolf showed Malo the sixteen pins.

"You pass," said Malo, handing him a clue.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 8th Place_

Fox was instantly at Wolf's side, when Wolf began to open the clue.

"Make your way to the Pit Stop, the Goron Springs!" read Wolf. "Come on Fox, let's get there before Link and Yoshi do!"

"Right behind you!" said Fox.

"Say, you look different…" said Wolf.

"Yep, I got my-"

"Wait, let me guess. Is it your hair?" asked Wolf.

"Wolf, I can't believe you! You couldn't tell?" asked Fox, heartbroken.

"Whats the big deal?" asked Wolf.

"I put on makeup, remember?" shrieked Fox girlishly. "…Deodorant I mean! I didn't say makeup!"

_Link  
Roadblock: 13/16_

"This is so stupid!" said Link angrily as he watched Fox and Wolf run off onto Death Mountain trail, to the pit stop. "How did he pass me?"

"Hurry, Link, DK is also catching up to you!" warned Yoshi.

Link moaned at the horrible news.

_DK_  
_Roadblock: 10/16_

"I finally found the other one!" said DK, smiling. "Now for the last six!"

_Link  
Roadblock: 14/16_

"I need to find…just…two more…" said Link, furious as he tore through the abandoned house in search for the last two bugs. "I will not have the apes beat me!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Team Ness and Pikachu you are team number seven!" said Koopa Troopa. "Happy to be seventh?"

"Not really, but we did the best we could." Said Pikachu tiredly.

"Yeah, we did good." Said Ness, happy.

_DK  
Roadblock: 12/16_

"There's four more left for me to find!" said DK, happy as ever. "And the lawyers are still here!"

"Go Uncle!" cheered Diddy Kong, clapping his hands over his head.

_Link  
Roadblock: 15/16_

"One…more…" said Link, eyes bloodshot. "Must…find…must…find…"

_DK  
Roadblock: 13/16_

"I've got thirteen, and only three left!" cheered an ecstatic DK.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Yes!" cheered Yoshi as Link came running back with all sixteen pins in hand. "Here Malo, give me the clue!"

"Sure, here Link!" smiled Malo.

"Make your way to the Pit Stop, the Goron Springs!" read Link. "Let's finish this, Yoshi!"

"I'm right behind you!" said Yoshi, as the pair of them ran to where Death Mountain Trail started.

_DK  
Roadblock: 14/16_

"Oh no Uncle!" said Diddy Kong, "The only other team is leaving! Find the last two now!"

"I'm searching as quick as I can!" yelled DK, instantly panicking again.

_Fox and Wolf  
8th to arrive to Pit Stop_

"Team Fox and Wolf, you are team number eight!" said Koopa Troopa. "You've certainly fallen back, haven't you?"

"Yeah, but we're still fightin'," said Wolf, panting.

"We aren't gonna give up anytime soon!" said Fox, "That's for sure!"

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 9th Place_

"Oh no, look Link!" said Yoshi, distressed, "A wall!"

"Monkeys are good at climbing!" said Link with horror. "Climb like you've never climbed before!"

They started scaling as quick as possible.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
Currently in Last Place_

"We did it!" said DK, "Don't bother reading the clue, we know where to go! Just go on Death Mountain Trail!"

They scurried after Link and Yoshi, eager to avoid elimination.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Run, Yoshi ru-" both lawyers stopped as they saw a Goron standing in front of them.

"Sir, how would you like to have a lawyer?" asked Yoshi.

"Whats a Laww-yur?" asked the Goron.

"It's somebody you can trust!" said Link, "We happen to be lawyers!"

"Are Laww-yurs tasty?" asked the Goron eagerly.

"Uh…" said both Link and Yoshi. "We uh…don't know…"

DK and Diddy Kong zoomed by them.

"Uh-oh gotta go!" said Link, as he hopped on Yoshi's back and they sped to catch up to Yoshi.

_Pit Stop_

The two teams were tied neck and neck, together they sped along until they reached the climbing wall.

Yoshi gasped in horror and kicked Diddy away and helped Link to start climbing.

Diddy decided to go around, and he did.

DK grabbed Yoshi down and beat him before climbing up to grab Link.

Yoshi used his tongue to latch onto DK's foot, which gave Link enough time to climb over the side and roll into the Spring.

"…Ow," said Link, rubbing his head.

Diddy jumped on top of him which knocked the breath out of him.

Yoshi grabbed onto DK's back in time to hitch a free ride up the wall.

DK grabbed Yoshi off his back and threw him off.

Diddy Kong landed on the mat.

Link stumbled over there and bit Diddy Kong.

Suddenly, the volcano erupted and flaming rocks came down, causing injuries for both teams.

Yoshi unleashed his tongue and aimed to touch the mat with it.

DK stomped on his tongue and ran for the mat.

Link stabbed him in the eye with his sword, as Diddy got on top of Link and belted him.

Yoshi's tongue touched the mat as Link and Diddy had stumbled off the mat.

DK stepped onto the mat.

A flaming rock crushed Diddy Kong, and Link hit the mat in time to avoid being crushed also.

"Team Link and Yoshi, you are team number nine!" said Koopa Troopa, "You're still in!"

"Yes…" said a breathless Link and Yoshi.

"Team Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, You're the last team to arrive, and I'm overjoyed to tell you that you've both been eliminated from the race." Said Koopa, grinning.

"Noooo…" sobbed the two monkeys on the ground.

"Well, looks like we're still in Yoshi!" said Link, patting Yoshi on the back.

Yoshi coughed up blood.

"Oooh," said Link, disgusted.

**Finish Times:**

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 10:46 AM

Mewtwo and Lucario: 10:46 AM

Roy and Snake: 10:53 AM

Kirby and King Dedede: 10:59 AM

Marth and Ike: 11:20 AM

Falcon and Ganondorf: 11:35 AM

Ness and Pikachu: 11:52 AM

Fox and Wolf: 12:05 PM

Link and Yoshi: 12:17 PM

**Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong: 12:18 PM - Eliminated**

Thank you for reading! Reviews are appreciated!

Also when you review, tell me who you like, who you hate, and who should go out next and who should win!


	3. Your Mom Went Over This!

"Last time, on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race, 10 teams went from Delfino Island to Hyrule Kingdom! Once there, some of the top six teams had native troubles!" said Koopa.

_"Apparently, you're not very welcome here," Muttered Falcon to Ganondorf as they were kept at bay by the hails of rocks.  
"For the last time," Sighed an exasperated Ganondorf, "I'm simply passing by here because I'm in this race!"__"_

_They're uh, not very smart, but they're aggressive," Explained Ike, "They're, eh, trying to fool you with the dinky background, the stupid villagers that don't speak English…"  
"Hey!" Yelled Princess Zelda, who happened to be visiting Ordon Village, "We do too speak English! How dare you treat us like animals!"_.

_"Oh, look, the villagers have gathered for my arrival!" said Dedede, chuckling.  
Kirby looked onward and saw a mob with torches and pitchforks, heading for them_

"This slowed all three teams down, to fourth, fifth and sixth!" said Koopa. "Meanwhile, Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Roy and Snake & Mewtwo and Lucario stuck ahead landing them in the first three!"

"_Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you're team number one!" said Koopa Troopa._ _"Mewtwo and Lucario, you're team number two!"_

"_Roy and Snake, you're the third team to arrive…" said Koopa._

"However, because Snake broke quite a few TESAR rules…"

"_Oh, by the way, I rigged Wolf and Fox's car…" cackled Snake._

"_I hope it's TESAR-legal to steal other teams' passports…" sniggered Snake, holding up DK and Diddy Kong's passports._

_Snake blew up the shed at the top of Kakariko Village.  
"Wow, after all the effort of remaking that thing!" said a worker angrily._

"They received a not-so-fair penalty!" said Koopa. "…of five minutes! Meanwhile, Ness and Pikachu stayed consistently in seventh place, due to a secret flight ahead of the three last place teams! They stuck there, all the way to the Pit stop!"

"_Team Ness and Pikachu, you are team number seven!" said Koopa._

"Fox and Wolf the Entrepreneurs were forced into the back of the pack as their taxi's tires were slashed and had to walk to the airport! The last three teams that were in the last flight, Fox and Wolf, Link and Yoshi, and DK and Diddy Kong, fought to stay in the race at both detour and roadblock!"

"_We're not going out without a fight!" said DK inspirationally._

_Said Link with horror, "Climb like you've never climbed before!"_

"_We're keeping up as best we can," said Wolf, "But we'll have to hope for endurance, we're almost too tired to run…"_

Also, there was the first blind U-Turn in the history of smashy racedom! Ness and Pikachu U-Turned DK and Diddy Kong, forcing them from eighth to last automatically!"

"_Oh, no, we've been U-Turned!" cried DK, almost in tears._

"This made them last, and the Uncle and nephew spent the rest of the leg catching up to the Lawyers and Entrepreneurs! In the end of the leg, they caught up to Link and Yoshi, but after a quick fued with the Lawyers…"

_Link stabbed him in the eye with his sword, as Diddy got on top of Link and belted him.  
Yoshi's tongue touched the mat as Link and Diddy had stumbled off the mat.  
DK stepped onto the mat.  
A flaming rock crushed Diddy Kong, and Link hit the mat in time to avoid being crushed also._

"Were eliminated, and saved the Lawyers once again from near-elimination!" said Koopa dramatically.

"Nine teams remain…" said Koopa, smiling, "Who will be eliminated…next?"

**The Teams:**

Captain Falcon and Ganondorf (_Fraternity Brothers_)

Marth and Ike (_Altean Swordsmen_)

Kirby and King Dedede (_Longtime Enemies_)

Roy and Snake (_Father and Son_)

Ness and Pikachu (_Best Friends_)

Fox and Wolf (_Entrepreneurs_)

Mewtwo and Lucario (_Twin Brothers_)

Link and Yoshi (_Lawyers_)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (_Students_)

"After arriving at the first pit stop, all teams have to undertake a mandatory rest period where they can sleep, eat, and mingle with the other teams!" said Koopa Troopa.

"Can team Toon Link and Jigglypuff get away with sneaking a victory away from teams Mewtwo and Lucario, Roy and Snake? Will Fox and Wolf get out of their hole they were forced into, and get back into the middle of the group? And can Link and Yoshi, after being saved twice from not being eliminated, pull out from last and stay with the others?"

"Toon Link and Jigglypuff, who were first to arrive at Goron Springs the Pit Stop at 10:46 AM, shall depart from there at 10:46 PM!" said Koopa.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
1__st__ to Depart; 10:46 PM_

"Well, we've won ourselves a leg, Jiggs," smirked Toon Link as he and Jigglypuff waited for the last minute to go by so they could leave, "What does your statistics chart say to that?"

"Eat your heart out, Toon Link! We should be eliminated by leg 5!" said Jigglypuff, sadistically, frothing at the mouth.

"…Do you _want_ to be eliminated?" asked Toon Link angrily.

"Maybe! No! Yes! Sir! Madam!" yelled Jigglypuff, eyes twitching.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2__nd__ to Depart; 10:46 PM_

"We're departing exactly at the same time as Toon Link and Jigglypuff, the winners of the previous leg…" said Mewtwo, "We're hoping to win this leg…"

"Yes, the students are manipulative apparently," said Lucario angrily, "They piggybacked Roy and Snake the last half of the last leg, and then followed us until we got to the Pit stop, here in Goron Springs!"

"We're definitely going to try to force Toon Link and Jiggly out of the race, if at all possible…" said Mewtwo, obviously mad. "We, Roy and Snake and Falcon and Ganondorf are gonna bump 'em out of the front pack."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Make your way back to the airport nearby Ordon Village, there in the front of the airport, you shall find your next clue!" read Toon Link. "Let's hurry and stay in front of the Twins, I think they're not exactly fans of us anymore…"

_Roy and Snake  
3__rd__ to Depart; 10:53 PM_

"We're angry at Toon Link and Jigglypuff the students for using us like that, following us then ditching us as soon as the Pit Stop came up!" said Roy angrily. "We're joining with Mewtwo and Lucario in bumping them out of the top five/six."

Snake RPG'd the Goron Springs once he and Roy were quite a distance away.

"Why must you destroy EVERYTHING??" asked Roy furiously.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
4__th__ to Depart; 10:59 PM_

"I am a little depressed about last leg's results, so we're having a crunch time." Said Kirby, backpack at the ready.

"CRUNCH TIME???" asked King Dedede, holding up a bowl of Cheerios.

"No no, we have to leave, Dedede!" said Kirby angrily as Dedede chuckled while munching on the bowl instead of the Cheerios. "…that's unhealthy…"

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Longtime Enemies_

"Dedede is pretty random," explained Kirby a little angered, "You kind of have to get used to it…"

"You're just upset that I have a better handlebar mustache than you…" sang King Dedede horribly, dancing.

Kirby stared.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Hi ho, hi ho, we're in first place we go…" sang Jigglypuff horribly.

"Shut up!" moaned Toon Link, "Can't you be a little quieter?"

"No, actually, I have a disease," explained Jigglypuff.

"Prove it…" said Toon Link.

She held up a document with her name misspelled on it.

"Oh, well its obviously an official document," said Toon Link, "You always spell your name starting with a 'Z' when its important!"

They laughed gaily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We're traveling to the airport where we came here before, so we're in a carriage behind Toon Link and Jiggs to the place, with Roy and Snake and Kirby and Dedede following us…" explained Mewtwo.

_Marth and Ike  
5__th__ to Depart; 11:20 PM_

"We're fifth out, in comparison to coming out third," said Marth wearily. "I hope we don't get into more flight drama like leg one…"

"This leg might be easier than the other two…" mused Ike, "I think they ran out of ideas!"

"This is leg three, they're not gonna run out of ideas, Ike!" said Marth angrily.

"That's what they want you to think," said Ike evilly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
6__th__ to Depart; 11:35 PM_

"We got one rank higher!" said Ganondorf, "Last leg we did! We're going for fifth this time!"

"I am so not drlllunk," stuttered Falcon.

"So why are you slurring your words together?" asked Ganondorf angrily.

"Because…because you sthmashed my voishbox!" said Falcon, revealing a bandage on his neck.

"Explain the beer packets behind you then," said Ganondorf angrily.

_Ganondorf_

"I am th' serious one of mah team, yo," said Ganondorf, "Falcon ain't so bright dawg, so we're gonna need to be stayin' serious if we wants to keep movin' up instead o' back down…"

_Ness and Pikachu  
7__th__ to Depart; 11:52 PM_

"We're seventh out, when there's nine teams left!" said Ness a little surprised, "We're third to last right now!"

"Hurry up and get our bike we chained, down at the abandoned house near Barnes Bomb shop in Kakariko Village…" said Pikachu worriedly.

"We're planning to be ahead of the Entrepreneurs and Lawyers the entirety of this leg…" said Ness to the camera, "We aren't accepting anything below sixth for us…"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"One, the airport opens at one…" said Toon Link as he noticed the sign on the airport doorway. "We're sitting outside, waiting for it to open…"

"Once the airport opens, teams must randomly draw one of nine cards in the card slot," read Jigglypuff.

"_Teams must wait until the airport opens, only then they can pick one of nine cards with a flight time on it. They cannot change their flight time once they receive it, so what time they get to the next location is entirely up to the card they pick!" said Koopa Troopa overenthusiastically. "Teams are headed for Tallon IV, a place Samus once went to in search for Ridley, in Metroid Prime! Once there, teams must go to the field Samus landed in when she first touched down on the planet!"_

"We hope we don't end up in the last flight and screw our ranking resume up…" sniffed Toon Link as he noticed first flight only had two cards for it. "Only two teams are in the first flight out…"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We're with the students, father and son & the Rivals in front of the airport, waiting for it to open." Explained Lucario.

"It's 12:01 AM right now, only about an hour until the airport opens, hopefully no more teams will arrive…" said Mewtwo.

"Dude, it won't matter if all the teams are here or not," scoffed Lucario, "Our flight time is random, we might end up in either dead last or first."

_Fox and Wolf  
8__th__ to Depart; 12:05 AM_

"We're out!" said Wolf excitedly, "We still have the Lawyers behind us, we can outsmart them, they don't seem to be very lucky, only being in second-last!"

"We're a few minutes ahead, but most likely we're gonna be in the last flight anyways…" said Fox a little disappointed.

"Not if we hurry fast enough!" said Wolf as he and Fox ran out of Death Mountain Trail.

_Link and Yoshi  
Last to Depart; 12:17 AM_

"We're last again," said Link a little nervous. "We're hoping to beat the Entrepreneurs if it comes down to a footrace to the Pit Stop again, they seem like sissies…"

"Yeah, we're not being eliminated this time!" said Yoshi as he hopped down the Death Mountain Trail, where Fox and Wolf had been last camera transition.

_Hyrule Airport_

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"Hey guys," said Marth as they approached the four other teams who were already waiting in front of the airport. "Is it not open yet?"

"Not for another twenty minutes," explained Roy, "There's still time."

"That means one more team should be here by then…maybe two more…" mused Ike.

_Hyrule Fields_

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We're still in sixth place, headed for the airport," said Ganondorf, "We're gonna get there in about ten minutes, yo!"

"…yo?" asked Falcon, drunk, "Seriously? Yo? What are you, black or something?"

"I happen to be Gerudo," said Ganondorf angrily, "Which is somewhat of a black race, yeah."

Falcon stared.

"What's it to you dawg, you racist or somethin'?" asked Ganondorf angrily.

"Maybe," smirked Falcon, drunk, "Maybe not…"

…

"DIE NOOB" said Olimar and Yoshi, shooting Falcon.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We're a mile behind the Frats," said Ness as he grinned stupidly. "We're going twice as fast because we probably will barely make it in time for the card slot drawing…"

"We're gonna have to take desperate measures to stay in the race!" said Pikachu, smiling.

"Pikachu's right!" cheered Ness.

"About what?" asked the cameraman.

"Weren't you paying attention?" asked Ness angrily, "You're not explaining yourself!"

"Well," said the cameraman, amused, "Maybe instead you should-"

"DIE NOOB" said Olimar and Yoshi, shooting the cameraman.

_Fox and Wolf  
Entrepreneurs_

"We're a little ashamed with our placing last leg," explained Fox cutely, "So we're making a notion to-"

"We already talked about this!" said Wolf angrily, kicking Fox hard.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We've been really lucky so far," lamented Yoshi, "But this time let's go for seventh…"

"Yeah, better not get second-last again…" laughed Link nervously.

_Hyrule Airport_

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're here," said Ganondorf somewhat excitedly. "And ten minutes are still left. We made it…"

"I think we're looking to win!" cheered Falcon.

Everyone stared awkwardly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Mewtwo and Lucario  
Roy and Snake  
Kirby and King Dedede  
Marth and Ike  
Falcon and Ganondorf  
1:00 AM_

The man in front of the airport doors opened it, and was subsequently trampled to death by the twelve racers.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff scampered in front of everyone else, heading for the airport ticket booths.

Lucario and Mewtwo ran out of the doorway, then Mewtwo used his psychic powers to move stuff in the doorway, cutting off teams Marth and Ike, Kirby and King Dedede & Ganondorf and Falcon.

Roy and Snake crawled under the tree blocking the doorway and pursued Mewtwo and Lucario.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

They hurriedly drew a flight time card and read it aloud.

"Our Flight time is 4:00 AM!" read Toon Link.

"Two tickets to the 4:00 AM flight!" said Jigglypuff excitedly to the airline worker behind the booth.

They took their tickets in time to sidestep out of Mewtwo and Lucario's way.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
1__st__ for 4:00 AM Flight_

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

They took a card, the third one.

"Flight time is 2:00 AM!" said Mewtwo happily, "This must be the first flight!"

"Maybe not," said Lucario sadistically.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
1__st__ for 2:00 AM Flight_

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"OMGZZZzz I see TEAM ROY AND MARF" said Falcon, drunk.

The frats hit Roy and Snake in the head with beer bottles, knocking the team out.

"FRAT POWERR!" said Falcon and Ganondorf, high-fiving each other.

The two distant cousins and frat boys took their card departure time and read it aloud.

"The 6:00 AM Flight!" read Ganondorf. "We're either on the first, second or last flight, dawg!"

_Marth and Ike  
Kirby and King Dedede_

Marth cut the palm tree in half, and the two teams ran past an unconscious Roy and Snake, and grabbed their Flight times.

"We're on the 6:00 AM flight," read Marth. "We're on maybe the first flight?" he asked hopefully.

_Marth and Ike  
2__nd__ for 6:00 AM Flight_

"We're most likely last," said Ike, depressed, "After all, Mewtwo and Lucario are cheering about having a 2:00 Flight…"

"Chin up, Soldier," said Ike, delusional, "We'll beat them to the Yield mat!"

"There are no Yields this season!" said Marth angrily. "And stop talking to yourself!"

_Kirby and King Dedede  
3__rd__ for 6:00 AM Flight_

"We're screwed," sniffed Kirby, "We're on the last flight…"

"I think we'll win!" said King Dedede, smiling dumbly.

"Shut up, fatty!" said Kirby, sobbing.

_Ness and Pikachu_

The two Best Friends paid their carriage driver, ran inside past the palm tree cut in half and past Roy and Snake's unconscious forms, towards the cards.

They took one and read it out loud,

"We got Flight 4:00 AM!" said Ness cheerfully, "Maybe it's the first flight?"

"Not likely," said Pikachu, "Only one card left for the first flight…"

_Ness and Pikachu  
2__nd__ for 4:00 AM Flight_

"We're second on this flight," said Ness a little disturbed.

"We're hoping for the best this leg…" sighed Pikachu. "Just hope we don't screw up again like the first leg.

"We're also taking this tandem bike with us!" said Ness, patting their lucky tandem bike.

_Roy and Snake_

They regained consciousness then pushed their way to the cards, drawing the seventh one.

"We're last to draw a card out of the footrace…" sighed Roy.

"We're on the 2:00 AM Flight!" said Snake, "I think it's first flight!"

"Yay!" said Roy, instantly happy again.

_Roy and Snake  
Last on 2:00 AM Flight_

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're eighth here," said Wolf, peeking inside the airport. "See, those cards over there, we have to draw one!"

"Okay!" said Fox, running up and picking one. "We're on the 4:00 AM Flight!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Last on 4:00 AM Flight_

"We're second last to get our card, the lawyers are gonna be last here!" said Wolf dramatically.

"We think they'll be left behind either this leg or the next one," said Fox, "They get left behind way too often!"

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're last," said Link plainly.

"You don't say…" said Yoshi tiredly.

In the distance, they saw a customer.

"Hey! HEY! A customer!" said Yoshi, he and Link running ahead to con the person into picking them to be their lawyers.

When they got close, the person turned around and revealed to be…BIRDO!

"Aaaaaaaaahhh!" screamed Yoshi, "Not you!"

"Hi there Yoshi!" giggled Birdo, "It's me!"

"What's wrong, Yoshi!" said Link, confused.

"That's my ex-girlfriend!" said Yoshi angrily, cowering behind Link, terrified.

"Ex? I thought we were still dating!" said Birdo angrily.

"I dumped you!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Why?" asked Link, charmed by Birdo, "Why would one dump this beautiful creature?"

"That beautiful creature," explained Yoshi, "…Is a guy."

"WHAT THE HELL?" asked Link, horrified.

"I dumped _him_ when I learned that!" explained Yoshi angrily.

"Hahah, Yoshi dated a guy," laughed Link to himself.

"Used to!" reminded Yoshi angrily, muttering curses. "I don't anymore!"

"I Wanna be a girl, okay?!" sobbed Birdo, breaking down crying.

"_All teams now have a flight to Tallon IV!" said Koopa Troopa aloud. "The flights land three hours after departure!"_

"_On the 2:00 AM Flight was: Mewtwo and Lucario, Roy and Snake!"_

"_On the 4:00 AM Flight was: Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Ness and Pikachu, Fox and Wolf!"_

"_On the 6:00 AM Flight was: Falcon and Ganondorf, Marth and Ike, Kirby and King Dedede, Link and Yoshi!"_

_Tallon IV_

There were dramatic camera views of Tallon IV, showing the greenery and such.

_1__st__ Flight  
Arrived at: 5:00 AM_

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Two hours!" said Roy happily, "We're two hours ahead and there's only one team who is with us for the flight!"

"We're semi-friends with the twins, so we don't exactly care wether or not we get second this time," explained Snake, being normal after taking his 'anti-insanity medicine', "But we're going to race as quick as possible so we'll have a two hour lead in front of third and below!"

They grabbed their bags and jumped inside one of nine pre-ordered flying futuristic cars.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We're second out, and we're the only team on first flight besides Roy and Snake," mused Lucario, "We think we can beat them in a footrace if it comes down to it!"

"Because Roy is old!1" said Snake.

Mewtwo and Lucario stared at Snake.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We're here!" said Roy ecstatically as they reached the landing site of Samus Aran. "There it is, son, get it!"

"Sheesh, will you calm down old man?" asked Snake angrily.

"Oooh! Oooh! I wanna do Surf it!" said Roy, delusional.

"There…is no surf it," explained Snake, confused. "And I thought I was mental!"

The cameraman Phil who was assigned to film them hit the laugh track button.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

The two brothers ran past the Father and Son and took a clue from the clue box.

"Make your way to Chozo Ruins, a nearby sandy place," read Mewtwo.

"_Teams must now venture over to Chozo Ruins, where they will find their next clue!" said Koopa Troopa. _

"We're in first now!" said Lucario happily.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We're second now, but it actually doesn't matter to us," said Snake admittedly, "We care more about what time we get there than our place for this leg."

"FRANK! DON'T GO NEAR THAT LANDMINE!1" said Roy, delusional, thinking he was still in WWII.

"Landmine?" laughed Snake, "Dream on, Da-"

Snake stepped on a landmine and blew up.

"…" said Snake angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We can't take the flying car any further," noted Lucario.

He and his younger brother hopped out of the car and went through a door, leading inside a cavern.

Mewtwo put on his nerd glasses and said,

"According to my calculations-"

"Shut up, nerd." Said Lucario, annoyed.

"Make me!" said Mewtwo.

Lucario made him.

Mewtwo cried himself to death.

Applause.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We're following Mewtwo and Lucario," explained Snake, "'Cause we doubt they care."

"I SEE DEAD PEOPLEZ!!1" said Roy, delusional.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"They're following us!" said Lucario angrily.

"And I totally care!" said Mewtwo, even more angrier.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

The two of them passed up Mewtwo and Lucario whilst waving and took the next clue once they reached the Chozo Ruins.

"Detour!" read Roy, "Wrestle it or Shoot it?"

"_Detour!" said Koopa Troopa in an annoying way, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its pros and cons! In this Detour, teams must choose a different creature to fight, both of which Samus had fought at one point!"_

"_In Wrestle it, teams must go to the door on their left and continue onward until they reach a race flag marker, where they will find a Plated Beetle and an instructor! The instructor will teach them how to wrestle this creature down, then tie it up successfully! Once teams have done this, they may receive their next clue!"_

"_In Shoot it, teams must actually walk further into Chozo ruins and find this instructor and an Incinerator Drone! They must successfully destroy this Incinerator drone with weapons of their choice! Teams be warned though, the Incinerator drone has a flamethrowing technique, one that might seriously injure certain racers!"_

"Let's do Shoot it," cackled Snake, "I'm known for my ability to fire a gun!"

Roy, delusional, pretended to karate chop Nazis.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Detour," sighed Lucario as he read the clue, "Wrestle it or Shoot it?"

"Oh look!" said Mewtwo, grinning, "A Fast Forward!"

"Seriously?" asked Lucario, "This early in the race?"

"Explain the Fast Forward in Leg one on Season one, then?" asked Mewtwo angrily.

"_Fast Forward! __This is only one of four fast forwards in the entire race! In a Fast Forward, teams may skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop!" said Koopa. "In this Fast Forward, Teams must go to the Artifact Temple and see the six artifacts they must collect, The Artifacts of Truth, Strength, Wild, Lifegiver, Chozo and Spirit! Once they have completed this extremely difficult task, the team who completed it may go directly to the Pit Stop!"_

"Let's take it, so we can beat Roy and Snake there _and_ be hours ahead over everyone else!" cackled Lucario evilly.

"Come on then, this one seems difficult!" said Mewtwo worried.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I think the Fast Forward was going to be too long and hard," explained Snake, "Besides, everyone would probably catch up by the time we'd finish, and we'll all probably be on the same flight with like, two teams that had been behind us for a long time, so we definitely think we're picking the right task."

"I don't wanna die sarge!1" whined Roy, delusional.

Snake stared.

"No, sir, I don't want to-But…sir, please don't!" cried Roy.

Snake stared, shocked.

"Please don't kill him, sir, he's innocent!" cried Roy.

Snake just stared.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We're headed for the artifact temple!" explained Mewtwo joyously.

"Well, hurry up then!" said Lucario angrily as he bit Mewtwo.

"Ow!" said Mewtwo angrily. "…Ow!"

"I only bit you once," said Lucario.

"Oh," said Mewtwo.

A laugh track played, much to the annoyance of the audience.

_Roy and Snake  
On Shoot it_

"We're here," said Snake, plainly.

"I shoot him, sir!" said Roy, grinning to himself, delusional.

Snake ignored him.

"Want me to fire again, sir?" asked Roy, delusional.

Snake ignored him.

"I'll do it if you want me to!" said Roy, delusional.

Snake ignored him.

"I'm not lying," said Roy, delusional, poking Snake with the barrel of the gun.

"Dad, are you ill?" asked Snake angrily.

"Maybe, sir," said Roy coyly, delusional. "Maybe not!"

Snake ignored him.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Artifacts collected: 1/6_

"We found one, it was already in the pedestal," explained Mewtwo. "Maybe we shouldn't do this one."

"Why the hell not? We have one already!" said Lucario angrily.

"Well, why is there one already in its pedestal? Are the others incredibly hard to find? Or was it there just to make things slightly easier for us?" asked Mewtwo.

"…" said Lucario angrily.

"Maybe this is not a good Fast Forward to do!" said Mewtwo, getting to the point for his not as smart brother.

"You dummie, of course this is a good task! Don't ever question my authority again!" said Lucario as he hit Mewtwo.

_Roy and Snake  
On Shoot it_

Snake shoot the Incinerator Drone, while Roy shoot aimlessly, clearly still delusional.

"I got one!" said Roy, delusional, shooting Snake.

Snake died.

"It's a big one too!" grinned Roy delusional, poking Snake's body.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Artifacts collected: 1/6_

"We have to go through Magmoor Caverns," explained Mewtwo. "I'm such a genius!"

"How do you know?" asked Lucario angrily.

"Well," said Mewtwo, pointing to the chart he and Lucario had created of the entire Tallon IV country, complete with details, charts and directions, "The Strength Artifact's clue for where it is, says, 'The heat of _Magmoor_ was a test for many warriors', so apparently we must go through Magmoor caverns and to Phendrana Drifts, because the Spirit one is there! And, on the way to Magmoor Caverns, we should stop where Samus fought Flaahgra, the plant monster! There should be another one there!"

"…I still think the Strength one is here in Chozo Ruins!" said Lucario angrily, hitting Mewtwo.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We've completed the Detour!" said Snake, as behind him the Incinerator Drone blew into smithereens. "Can we get our clue now?"

"Sure," said the instructor, handing Snake his clue.

"Make your way to a place near Samus' Landing site, The Space Pirate Frigate Crash Site!" read Snake.

"_Teams must now make their way to The Space Pirate Frigate crash site!" repeated Koopa Troopa, "Here, the Space Pirate Spaceship that Samus had destroyed before coming to Tallon IV had landed on the same planet, and fell into a lake! Teams have to swim with scuba gear on and swim through the wreckage! Once teams have reached the very end of the ship, teams will receive their next clue!"_

"Come on Dad, we're going scuba diving!" said Snake excitedly, dragging his father with him.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Artifacts collected: 1/6_

"I convinced Lucario to head to Samus and Flaahgra's battlefield, first, so we'll get them in a neat order." Explained Mewtwo, "Then we'll have four once we collect the artifacts in the three different locations!"

"We're definitely gonna be first," scoffed Lucario haughtily.

Mewtwo just sighed at Lucario's closed-mind and ignorance.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're crawling into this tunnel!" said Snake, crawling under.

Roy, who had been delusional for the past hour and a half, remembered he wasn't in WWII anymore and cried.

"Dad? Dad?" asked Snake angrily. "Why are you crying?"

_2__nd__ Flight  
Arrived at: 7:00 AM_

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Ahh, it feels good to be third place," explained Wolf as he and Fox ran inside their flying futuristic car. "We're hoping to catch up to the two teams who are a full two hours ahead, so to be in first!"

"Me and wolfie are BFFs!" said Fox excitedly.

"Best friends forever!" chuckled Wolf, wagging a paw.

"Actually, its Boy Friends Foreve-"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We had an incident with Fox and Wolf on the plane," muttered Toon Link to the camera, "So now we're rivals!"

"We'll beat those guys to the U-Turn mat!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"There is no U-Turn mat for this leg!" said Toon Link angrily, "Are you delusional? Psychotic? Crazy?"

"…All of the above," cackled Jigglypuff insanely.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We're not gonna be eliminated for quite a while!" chuckled Ness, "We're in the top five for this leg!"

"We're now assuredly safe from elimination!" explained Pikachu. "…And look, our lucky tandem bike!"

"It really is lucky!" said Ness, "Saved us both the first and last leg!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're here!" said Snake joyfully, putting on his scuba equipment. Roy did the same, putting on goggles.

"We haven't seen Mewtwo or Lucario, so maybe they took the hard Fast Forward," said Roy, "They must not be very thoughtful if they took it, at least, in my opinion."

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We need to get to Chozo Ruins!" said Fox happily as he and his fellow racer ran inside the cavern.

"We now make a notion to stay ahead of at least one of the two kid teams, Toon Link and Jigglypuff or Ness and Pikachu!" exclaimed Wolf.

"Hee hee, I bet Link and Yoshi are stuck in the last flight as always," snickered Fox to himself.

_Fox and Wolf  
After-leg Interview_

"After racing against Link and Yoshi in a race to survive, we have to admit they're extremely lucky racers," explained Wolf. "We don't think that the other three teams placed in the last flight with them will make it as long as the lawyers will."

"I know how to not breathe!" said Fox happily, as he stopped breathing entirely.

Fox died.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We beat Link and Jiggs to the car!" said Ness happily as he and Pikachu hopped into their flying car.

"I wonder how we beat them, they claim to have won the last leg, so I thought they'd be more of a threat," mused Pikachu.

The two watched the fifth place team.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We're fifth now!" asked Toon Link, "Why are we going so slow?"

"Mush!" said Jigglypuff, standing on top of the suitcases Toon Link was dragging as she whipped Toon Link with a spike laden whip.

"Ah," said Toon Link, pushing Jigglypuff off.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Artifacts collected: 2/6_

"This is taking too long," said Mewtwo angrily, "The third fourth and fifth teams are here by now, and we're only just now in Magmoor Caverns!"

"Calm down, we'll be first to the mat, if we keep moving fast," said Lucario, dismissing the panic that was rising in him from the news.

"I guess you're right!" said Mewtwo, looking worried.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're just about to the end," explained Roy when he rose up out of the water in the room he was in and spoke.

"We're…going slow, the water slows your movement," coughed Snake, spitting out water he had accidentally sucked in. "I picked a cracked Rebreather…"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Detour!" said Fox, "Wrestle it or Shoot it?"

"We're expert shooters, so let's do Shoot it," said Wolf.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Detour!" said Ness, "Wrestle it or Shoot it?"

"Shoot it, you're psychic and could predict its moves!" said Pikachu.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We're not at Chozo Ruins yet," said Toon Link angrily, "…Mainly because _my partner won't figure out how to put __**a coin in a coin machine**__!!!1_"

"Sheesh man, don't have a cow," said Jigglypuff.

"How can I not have a cow when we're in fifth?!" shrieked Toon Link, eyes rotating in different directions from the stupidity he had to deal with.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Artifacts collected: 2/6_

"We're probably third now," said Mewtwo angrily, "Because my brother won't listen to me and stop doing the Fast Forward!"

"Shut up, it's a good idea," snarled Lucario as they ran further down Magmoor Caverns.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Shoot it_

"We're almost to shoot it," explained Wolf, "Too bad it takes longer to get to than Wrestle it…"

"Otherwise we'd be there by now," complained Fox, "My feet hurt!"

…

"I mean um, I think I got a man…blister…" said Fox, trying to lower his high-pitched voice.

…

"Because, you know, I'm a man and all…it's really manly…when you get…man blisters…" said Fox uncomfortably.

…

"I think I'm getting manlier by the minute…yeah…" said Fox, shifting nervously from side to side.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Shoot it_

"We've been walking behind Fox and Wolf since we picked the Shoot it task for this Detour…" explained Ness, as he and Pikachu walked a few meters or yards behind the Entrepreneurs.

"They seem to be a pair of wimps and sissies!" chuckled Pikachu, "How are they still in this race?!"

"It's a mystery," explained Ness, "But we figure they can be beaten!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Jigglypuff, "Wrestle it or Shoot it?"

"Shoot it, definitely," said Toon Link. "We get to use guns!"

The two sixth graders thought happily at the thought of using loaded weapons.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're there!" said Snake gleefully as he helped Roy out of the water.

They kicked off their scuba diving equipment, got the water that seeped into their bags out of their bags, and hurried to the nearby cluebox.

"Teams must now journey through the pathway to Phazon Mines," read Snake out loud in a happy kind of way.

"_Teams must now make their way through this cavern tunnel thing to Phazon Mines," explained Koopa Troopa, "Once here in the control tower where a Space Pirate is, teams will receive their next clue!"_

"Come on dad!" said Snake happily, as his father followed behind.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Quit the Fast Forward_

"We quit the Fast Forward," explained Lucario angrily. "I had repeatedly warned my brother that this might take too long, but he wouldn't listen!"

"_I_ was the one who warned _you_!" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Shut up fool, I'm angry!" said Lucario, pushing Mewtwo into the lava.

"At least this won't be continued into the next scene!" said Mewtwo triumphantly.

The Mewtwo-pushed-into-the-lava part was continued in their next scene.

"Sad face," said Mewtwo, burning alive.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Shoot it_

Ness shot a PK Fire at the Incinerator Drone, melting it up.

"Hooray!" cheered Ness and Pikachu, receiving their next clue.

"Make your way to the Space Pirate Frigate crash site!" read Pikachu happily.

They ran off, past Fox and Wolf.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Shoot it_

"We can go now, because the best friends went," said Fox, as Ness and Pikachu ran past him and his racing partner, Wolf.

"Let's catch up to them!" said Wolf, grinning evilly.

…

"Because we're manly!" cheered Fox.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We're headed for the task we picked for the Detour!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, riding on a sleigh, which was being pulled by dogs. "Mush!1"

She cracked her whip on a dog, which in turn bit the whip and yanked it out of Jigglypuff's hand and then mauled Jigglypuff alive.

"They don't make dogs like they used to!" chuckled Toon Link heartily.

A laugh track played from nowhere in particular.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We're headed for the Space Pirate Frigate crash site!" said Ness as he and Pikachu tandem biked all the way over to the cave tunnel entrance, which at the end of it was the opening to the lake where the crash site was.

"Oh no!" gasped Pikachu, "The bike won't fit!"

"Mr. Host, can you please take care of our bike until we get to the pit stop?" asked Ness politely.

"Sure, kids," sighed Koopa Troopa as he snuffed out the cigarette he was smoking and took their bike.

"I don't think that was the right decision," sighed Pikachu.

"You're right, I doubt we'll see it in one Piece again…" agreed Ness.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Detour," read Mewtwo, "Wrestle it or Shoot it?"

"Wrestle it," said Lucario, "Let's hurry up and catch up, it's about 7:37 AM now!"

"We got here at 5:00 AM, so we spent about an hour on the Fast Forward," said Mewtwo angrily.

"I think there were only three teams on the second flight, so maybe we're lucky…" said Lucario, obviously stressed. "…And we can get caught up to second."

_Fox and Wolf  
On Shoot it_

The two of them shot the Incinerator Drone repeatedly.

"This is taking too long!" said Wolf, as he strapped a bomb to Fox's back and set the timer for three seconds, then kicked his teammate next to the Incinerator Drone, both the former and latter blew up in a huge explosion as Wolf got to safety.

"Yes!" said Wolf and Fox's remains as they receieved their next clue.

"Make your way…darn, I can't read this…" whined Fox's dusty remains, "It's too tiny!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Shoot it_

"We just now started Shoot it because Wolf and Fox had to go," said Toon Link casually.

"Yeah, they're our sworn rivals!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "We want them to go in a spaceship and land on the sun and burn up because the sun is hot, right, so they'd die and we'd win the race and we'd laugh in their burnt faces 'cause they'd be dead and we'd have won and yeah!"

"Are you mentally challenged, Jiggles?" asked Toon Link angrily.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Thanks!" said Roy as he received the next clue from the Space Pirate. "Teams may now follow the red and yellow markers showing them the way through the Phazon Mines…"

"_Teams now have to follow the red and yellow markers pointing where to go and such!" said Koopa Troopa. "They will follow these until they reach the Phazon Mining Tunnel! Here, teams will receive their next clue!"_

"There sure is a whole lot of navigating this leg," said Snake, "I bet the not so good at navigating teams will be lost for sure!"

"Better for us!" said Roy, as he and Snake jumped down and followed the markers inside the Mines.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We're ahead of the other teams on our flight, 'cause we're already at the crash site!" explained Ness joyfully.

"We've gone through this leg nonstop," said Pikachu, shivering from the cold of the water he was standing in. "I hope we don't trip up like leg one…"

They thought at the fact how they had gone from about fourth to ninth by their poor mistake of not doing the Detour.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're certain we're gonna beat at least Toon Link and Jigglypuff, they seem too young and naïve to be of harm," chuckled Wolf to themselves.

"I bet they don't even know how babies are made!" said Fox happily.

"**You **don't even know how babies are made!" said Wolf angrily.

"I know," cried Fox.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Shoot it_

"We're almost done with this task!" said Jigglypuff, whipping Toon Link.

"HOW THE HELL DOES WHIPPING ME HELP WITH THE TASK AT ALL!?" screamed Toon Link, bleeding to death.

…

"Because it does," said Jigglypuff angrily. "Go back to your bleeding antics, Toony!"

"Toony?" asked Toon Link angrily.

"That's all I could think of!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Wrestle it_

"Let's wrestle!" said Mewtwo dramatically before he was shoved into the wall by the Plated Beetle and bled to death from his serious wounds.

"I like this task," said Lucario evilly, cackling.

…

"Because Mewtwo dies…" said Lucario. "And that's…fun…"

…

"Maybe I should start calling Mewtwo 'Kenny'…" said Lucario to himself.

…

"Because Kenny dies all the time…" said Lucario.

…

"Like Mewtwo!" said Lucario cheerfully.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Pikachu lost his arm!" screamed Ness, holding up Pikachu's arm in his hand.

"OH GOD HELP ME" screamed Pikachu, panicking.

"Don't panic, don't panic!" yelled Ness, panicking.

"Big deal," said the cameraman, "We could just get someone to sow his arm back, and-"

"How would you like it if your best friend just lost his arm?" asked Ness angrily.

"My best friend was…was a stuffed animal too!" cried the cameraman, thinking of his younger days.

"Pikachu is not a dang stuffed animal, goddangit!" said Ness.

Everyone gasped, and Ness was put in time out.

_Fox and Wolf  
Entrepreneurs_

"We're already in the tunnel leading to the crash site in the lake," explained Wolf. "We heard yelling, so we assumed something happened to Ness' stuffed animal…"

"I like swimming with Wolf!" said Fox, "Because when we usually go swimming, he's-"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Shoot it_

"How do you use this weapon?!" screamed Jigglypuff, firing wildly.

"Put on the safety!" yelled Toon Link, bleeding.

"…Oh," said Jigglypuff, turning on the safety.

…

"So why are you bleeding?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Because I'm allergic to metallic objects!" said Toon Link angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Wrestle it_

Mewtwo psychokinetically beat up the Plated Beetle as Lucario held a gun to Mewtwo's neck.

"Can I stop now?" asked Mewtwo, upset. "It's against my morals to hurt another living thing!"

"Sure," said Lucario. "…But I'll have to shoot you!"

Mewtwo continued to beat up the Plated Beetle.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We're now diving into the water!" said Ness, with scuba gear on.

"Are you sure my arm is safe in your backpack?" asked Pikachu nervously, a rope tied at his waist.

"Sure!" said Ness cheerfully, "I have this rope tied around my waist, which ties you to me, and I'll do all the swimming since you ripped your arm off!"

"Okay, but swim slowly, I'm a bad swimmer…" said Pikachu a little too late, as Ness went down further into the water and Pikachu was yanked down under.

"This was a bad idea!" whimpered Pikachu, trying to stay on the surface of the water.

_Fox and Wolf  
Entrepreneurs_

"There's Pikachu, trying to not drown!" said Wolf, pointing to the water.

"Why are all the smart remarks said by you?" asked Fox angrily, his nerd glasses on, "That just makes my nerdism…not…not shown!"

"Shut up nerd," said Wolf, as he waded into the water with no scuba equipment whatsoever. "Don't wear any equipment, just swim across…"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We're now fifth!" said Toon Link angrily, "Again! We're at the back because you won't do anything!"

"Actually, we're fourth!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"No we're not!" said Toon Link, frothing at the mouth, "No we're not, no we're not!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Wrestle it_

"Hurry up Kenny, you're slowing us down!" said Lucario angrily.

Mewtwo ignored him.

"Kenny, hello, you there?" asked Lucario.

Mewtwo ignored him.

"Kenny! Pay Attention to me!" said Lucario, hitting Mewtwo in the back.

Mewtwo ignored him.

"Are you listening to me, dumbass?" asked Lucario angrily.

"WHO THE HELL IS KENNY?!" yelled Mewtwo furiously, frothing at the mouth. "WHO IS KENNY?!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We've not seen Mewtwo and Lucario since the Detour, we're thinking they're either finishing up the Fast Forward or they quit, because they can't possibly be done by now with that enormous task for the Fast Forward…" said Roy anxiously.

"We actually think it's the latter, they must've realized how hard the task was!" said Snake, jogging ahead of Roy and following the markers.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

Ness climbed onto the dry section and got the water out of his clothes and said cheerily,

"Well, we made it! Right, Pikachu? Didn't we make it?"

Pikachu's dead corpse bobbed on the surface.

Ness whimpered.

_Fox and Wolf  
Entrepreneurs_

"The Besties pulled ahead, because they wasted time and put on Scuba gear," coughed Wolf as he stuck his head above the surface of the water and tried to stay above, "So because we wanted to go ahead and just outpaddle them, we end up being left behind because we chose not to spend time putting on scuba gear!"

"We're fools," said Fox somewhat angrily. "We should've put on the equipment!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Because we're so far behind," explained Toon Link, "Jigglypuff is going to fly overhead, while I run through the obstacles on the way to the Space Pirate crash site!"

"I see a plane dropping A-bombs from here!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

Toon Link ignored her.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Wrestle it_

Mewtwo, finally snapping from the pressure, psychokinetically ripped the bug in half and yanked the clue out of the instructor's hands and read the clue, screaming.

"MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE SPACE PIRATE FRIGATE CRASH SITE" screamed Mewtwo angrily.

"…what?" asked Lucario angrily. "Are you retarded, Kenny?"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Teams must now journey through the pathway to Phazon Mines," read Ness. "And receive their next clue from the Space Pirate in the control tower above!"

"Let's go!" said Pikachu.

_Ness and Pikachu  
After-leg Interview_

"We're a great and happy team," said Ness to the camera, "We get along well and we like each other a lot. Those are key elements in a team! With our friendship, we should beat the other bickering, tiresome teams!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're in fourth we think, because we're only ahead of the students," said Wolf. "That's a good rank, considering we got sixth and eighth, last two legs."

"Yeah, let's stay in this rank!" cheered Fox happily. "We're awesome!"

"We hear voices, so we must not be far behind the best friends…" muttered Wolf as he dog paddled onward towards a door.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We're putting on equipment," said Toon Link, "Jigglypuff is actually quite buoyant so she'll just be fine without equipment!"

A few minutes later, they went inside a room _completely submerged in water, all the way up to the roof._

Jigglypuff drowned.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We're fifth!" screamed Lucario, as he and Mewtwo teleported a few yards ahead, again and again.

"This is certainly faster than walking…" said Mewtwo.

"Okay, I'm starting to think that's unfair," said Koopa Troopa. "I mean, no one else has that ability!"

Mewtwo stopped teleported and ran.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Roadblock!" read Roy, "Who wants to wade in some Phazon?"

"_Roadblock! A roadblock is a task only one person may perform!" said Koopa Troopa._

"_In this Roadblock, the one person must put on a biochemical suit on and wade through thick Phazon poison, and find the Artifact called the Newborn! Once teams successfully de-contaminate this Artifact and give it to a Space Pirate, teams will receive their next clue!"_

"We're first definitely, there are nine clues counting this one!" said Snake suspensefully.

"That means Mewtwo and Lucario got held up on the major task!" said Roy thoughtfully. "We're going to get first this time."

"We're glad to get first, but we wouldn't care to get second, at least, not by much…" said Snake sheepishly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Thanks!" said Ness, as the Space Pirate gave Ness the clue. "Teams must now follow the markers through the mines, all the way to the near-end of the Mines, a room called the Phazon Mining Tunnel!"

"Let's do this!" said Pikachu, running ahead.

"We've got this!" said Ness inspirationally.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're not very confident about the choice we made anymore," said Wolf as he coughed up water.

"We screwed up," sighed Fox as he followed Wolf in the water. "We're probably only just now halfway!"

"Wait!" said Wolf, holding up a claw and tuning his ears.

They paused, and heard faint noises from behind.

"What…is that?!" asked Fox, alarmed.

"Must be the students! With Scuba gear!" said Wolf in horror.

"But I wanted to get first and win ourselves a makeup kit!" squealed Fox girlishly.

…

"Because…that's what men do," said Fox uncomfortably.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"We must have caught up to a team!" said Toon Link once he came up to the surface of the water. "We hear muffled voices!"

"Are you sure that's just not you drowning?" asked Jigglypuff.

Toon Link realized he was drowning.

"Well…I guess there's only one real way to be certa-"

Toon Link died.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We're not putting on scuba gear," explained Lucario.

"But…why?" asked the cameraman.

"I'll show you!" said Mewtwo, as he, Lucario and their cameraman walked into the water.

Mewtwo used his psychic powers to make the water move out of the way for the three of them, so the three could breathe air as the walked inside the lake.

…

"Seriously, why aren't you wearing scuba gear?" asked the cameraman.

Mewtwo and Lucario face palmed.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

"I'm going to own this roadblock," explained Snake as he crawled in thick groups of pure, unyielding, poisonous Phazon with a Biochemical suit on.

"I hope Snake doesn't get contaminated with Phazon…" Roy said nervously. "I hear its very contagious!"

"Chillax," said the Space Pirate instructor, "This wouldn't be a task in the race if it wasn't safe!"

"Explain the dead Space Pirate corpses littering the ground near Snake, all wearing Bio-suits?" asked Roy bitterly.

"They're uh…all…sleeping?" explained the Space Pirate nervously.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We're just blazing through the task!" said Ness happily, as he and his partner ran through the entire way.

"We keep doing this and we might get third!" said Pikachu cheerfully.

"Yeah," agreed Ness.

_Fox and Wolf  
Entrepreneurs_

"Toon Link and Jiggs are now in the same room as us," said Wolf bitterly, "And we had just gotten almost out of this sunken Spaceship…"

"Yeah, they're just now passing us!" said Fox indignantly.

"We made a poor choice not choosing to wear equipment…" sighed Wolf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We've been speeding through the swimming part," explained Mewtwo, "Because I formed a psychic bubble wall around me, Lucario and the cameraman.

"Are you ever gonna explain to me why you don't need scuba gear or not?!" asked the cameraman angrily.

Mewtwo and Lucario ignored him.

"Hello? Lucario? Kenny?" asked the cameraman. "Anybody listening?!"

Mewtwo and Lucario ignored him.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

"I'm de-contaminating the Artifact!" explained Snake, as two other Space Pirates were helping him.

He handed the Artifact to the Space Pirate who had been talking to Roy.

"You pass, here's the next clue!" said the Space Pirate, "Good luck!"

"Thanks!" said Snake and Roy, opening the last clue of the leg. "You must now make your way to the Pit stop for this leg, the Processing Center!"

"_Teams must now make their way to the Elite Quarters, where Samus fought the Omega Elite Pirate, a gigantic mutated Space Pirate, and then use the elevator to go to the top floor and reach the upper balcony to the Processing Center, the third of eleven pit stops in this race around the world!" said Koopa Troopa. "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, __**may**__ be eliminated."_

"Let's go win ourselves a prize, dad!" said Snake, running ahead.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Wait…didn't we already come this way??" asked Ness, confused.

"I believe we are lost, my dear lad," said Pikachu in a poor british accent, wearing a monocle and a mustache, "As we have most certainly, definitely, positively, gone this way before!"

"What the heck?" asked Ness again, creeped out.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We're ahead of the Entrepreneurs, so we must be fourth now." Said Toon Link. "Or maybe we're lucky and Ness and Pikachu got lost inside the sunken ship."

"I doubt it," said Jigglypuff nervously.

"Let's just keep moving." Said Toon Link.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Control Room where a Space Pirate is," read Wolf.

"Let's go!" said Fox to his teammate.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"I see another team!" said Lucario, delighted, who had run ahead of Mewtwo and the cameraman. "I see another team!"

"Which team?" asked Mewtwo happily.

"The Entrepreneurs!" said Lucario, somewhat horrified and relieved at the same time.

"Well, its 8:45 AM, so of course that's believable," said Mewtwo. "Oh no, the other flight will be here in 15 minutes!"

"We'd better cross the Pit Stop at 9:20 at the latest then!" said Lucario, running to catch up to Fox and Wolf.

"Let's go Kenny!" said the cameraman, passing Mewtwo.

_Roy and Snake  
1__st__ to arrive at Pit Stop_

The Father and Son located the mat and tumbled onto it, breathing heavily.

"Team Roy and Snake, you're team number one," said Koopa Troopa. "For coming in first, you both win a 2010 Corvette Stingray! A car not even released to the public yet!"

"Yay!" said Snake happily.

"We wanted to get first," explained Roy, "But we wouldn't have minded if Mewtwo and Lucario beat us here, after all, they're our friends! We would've just won the next one."

"That's awfully thoughtful of you," said Koopa Troopa. "…Seeing as you two are nice, hows about letting your buddy Koopa Troopa take that prize off you guys' hands-"

"NO!1" screamed Roy and Snake, frothing at the mouth.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Dangit, we're lost again, like leg one," said Ness angrily. "I was hoping on getting third!"

"We probably still can if we hurry!" said Pikachu, as the two searched for a different way out of a room.

"…I don't think this is the right path either," said Ness bitterly.

"Where could it be??" asked Pikachu as he and Ness ran inside a room.

High-pitched string music played.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"We got our next clue," said Toon Link as he held up the clue from the control tower. "Follow the red and yellow markers through the Phazon mines, where at the end of the trail, you shall find your next clue!"

"I think we're third, let's roll!" said Jigglypuff, hopping down from the control Tower, to the 50-yard below ground.

Jigglypuff broke both her stubby legs.

"OW!1" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We're in either fourth or third now!" said Mewtwo happily, "We can still beat one more team to the mat!"

"Let's do this!" said Lucario, as they left Fox and Wolf behind and ran ahead to go to the Control Tower.

"I see Toon Link and Jigglypuff ahead!" said Mewtwo, "We'll be third or second once we pass them!"

"Run!" said Lucario, sprinting, while Mewtwo telekinetically glided behind.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"We were in third half the time?" asked Fox, shocked.

"That sucks, we're fifth now!" said Wolf angrily. "Let's beat the Twins who got on the first flight!!"

"Okay," said Fox, sprinting after the Twins.

_Last Flight  
Arrived at: 9:00 AM_

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're racing to stay in the race!" panicked Kirby, "I'm not being eliminated this early!"

"We're gonna win!" cheered King Dedede, doing a dance.

"If you actually try, maybe we will!" cried Kirby.

"I will make you feel better…by dancing!" said King Dedede, doing a dance.

"How the freaking hell is that going to help?" cried Kirby, sobbing.

"Because I'm sexy!" said King Dedede, doing a dance.

Kirby continued to sob.

"Maybe if I…TAP DANCE!" said King Dedede, tap-dancing.

Kirby continued to sob.

"Dang, my fans usually love that," said King Dedede.

"Fans?!" cried Kirby, "I only have one, and he calls himself yellowkirby! Why do you have more fans than me?!"

"Because I'm sexy, and I can dance!" said King Dedede, tap-dancing.

People began to ask for King Dedede's autograph, and they threw coins at Dedede, chanting for him to dance some more.

Kirby continued to sob.

King Dedede was rewarded the key to the city.

Kirby continued to sob.

King Dedede made a speech to all his dedicated fans as he held up the key to the city.

Kirby continued to sob.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're in the race to avoid elimination!" said Marth, horrified.

"I don't wanna be eliminated!" sniffed Ike, who was, blowing his nose on a fancy handkerchief.

"You have a handkerchief and you call yourself a man?!" asked Marth angrily.

"I like handkerchiefs, okay?" cried Ike.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're in the race to stay in the race!" panicked Ganondorf.

"I wanna be like Dedede!" sobbed Falcon, "Why can't I have hordes of fans?!"

"You're a frat, maybe that's why," said Ganondorf.

"Shame on you!" sobbed Falcon.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We've been in last place for the entirety of the race so far," explained Link, "We're just the tortoises, and the five teams that are usually in the front, Marth and Ike, Mewtwo and Lucario, Snake and Roy and Toon Link and Jigglypuff, they're the hares! So we figure, since the tortoise took its time, and went a slow, steady pace, we think we'd do the same, and beat those hares to the last leg!"

"Actually," laughed Yoshi, "They made a sequel to the Tortoise and the Hare, and the Hare wins!"

"SILENCE THAT NONSENSE!!1" yelled Link as he beat Yoshi up with a broom.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"We can't find the freaking room!" said Ness angrily. "We're lost, and we have been for about 15 minutes now!"

"We're just hoping the other teams behind us will get lost too…" said Pikachu, sniffing.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Keep floating slightly above the ground, Jiggs," explained Toon Link, "So we can go faster!"

"I'm trying, I'm trying…" said Jigglypuff, puffing herself further along, slightly over the ground.

"I see Mewtwo and Lucario following us!" said Toon Link, "They're doing the same to us that we did to Snake and Roy!"

…

"That's no fair!" said Jigglypuff childishly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Don't stop following Toon Link and Jigglypuff!" said Lucario.

Mewtwo thought of something as he saw the next clue up ahead, so he touched Mewtwo's shoulder and they teleported in front of the students and appeared next to the clue box.

"Roadblock!" read Mewtwo, "Who wants to wade in some Phazon?"

"I will," said Mewtwo, putting on a Bio-suit.

"The students are pissed, so hurry," said Lucario to his younger brother.

"Fine, fine," sighed Mewtwo, rushing into the thick poisonous Phazon patches.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Roadblock, who wants to wade in some Phazon?" asked Toon Link. "You can."

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, oblivious to the intent behind the choice. "I love Phazon!"

Jigglypuff ran into the Phazon without even putting on a Bio-suit.

Toon Link stared.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 5__th__ Place_

"Follow the red and yellow markers," read Fox. "Let's go."

"Sure," said Wolf, sexily, "I'll go where you go!"

"…is that innuendo?" asked Fox angrily.

"Yes!" said Wolf angrily.

"Oh! I like innuendo!" said Fox childishly.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We need to go to Chozo Ruins!" said Kirby desperately, trying to push King Dedede into the tunnel, as the fat penguin waved to his cheering fans.

"Goodbye my fellow people," said King Dedede, chuckling.

A Sniper, who was attempting to assassinate him, shot King Dedede.

King Dedede slumped over.

"Yes!" cheered Kirby and yellowkirby, the assassinator.

King Dedede jumped up and shook Kirby, saying,

"I'M HERE! HYUK HYUK HYUK!1" joked King Dedede.

Kirby cried, as yellowkirby was promptly beaten up by a ravenous horde of King Dedede fans.

"Can we go to the hospital now?" asked King Dedede, bleeding to death.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're passing the Swordsmen, they're having trouble getting their bags back…" said Falcon as he and Ganondorf hopped into a taxi and they drove off, taking seventh place.

"Frat five!" cheered Falcon and Ganondorf, as they sped to catch up to the Longtime Rivals.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Come on Ike, move it!" said Marth angrily, "Nobody cares about you having a stupid handkerchief!"

"Then what about-"

"Just kidding, everyone cares!" laughed Marth evilly.

"Why are we being so OOC?" asked Ike angrily.

"I dunno…" said Marth. "Must be the narrator's fault!"

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're left behind by Kirby and Dedede & the frats," said Yoshi, "That leaves us and the swordsmen."

"We think we might have some trouble with Kirby and Dedede, and Marth & Ike, they seem to be strong racers," said Link. "They managed to be in the top five for both legs one and two!"

…

"Customers!!1" said Link and Yoshi, handing cards to just about everyone in the airport.

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

"My brother is a big, fat, coward!" cackled Lucario.

"Am not!" replied Mewtwo angrily.

"Yes you are!" said Lucario, "Prove you're not, take off your suit!"

"I dare you!" said Lucario, "Take off the bio-suit! Or are you chicken?"

"Am not!" said Mewtwo, taking off his suit while standing in a field of Phazon.

…

"See?" said Mewtwo, poking his tongue at Lucario, smiling evilly.

Mewtwo died from the poison.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

"I'm almost to the artifact!" said Jigglypuff as she slowly waddled towards the Artifact under a mutated enormous mushroom that was infected with pure Phazon.

Mewtwo teleported in front of her and stole it, then teleported away.

"Happy searching," cackled Mewtwo, as he went to the de-contamination center.

"Curses," said Jigglypuff, fuming.

"Be more aggressive!" said Toon Link angrily.

"Oh!" said Jigglypuff, laughing as she killed a Space Pirate.

"Towards the other teams!" said Toon Link desperately.

"But…but they're my friends!" said Jigglypuff, horrified.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"We have followed the correct path so far, we're hoping we stay in the right direction…" sighed Wolf.

"I think we're ahead of another team, I think…" said Fox.

They saw Ness and Pikachu behind them, running aimlessly down another hall.

"Hee hee, we are ahead of another team!" said Wolf, cackling. "We must be fourth!"

"Let's get to the next task!" said Fox happily.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"I hear voices!" said Ness.

"Maybe you're crazy," said the cameraman sarcastically.

"It must be another team!" said Ness, excitedly. "We could follow that team to the correct hall!"

"Yes, good thinking!" said Pikachu.

"I hear it too!" said the cameraman.

"Really?" asked Ness.

"No you psycho, you're just deluded," said the cameraman angrily.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Kirby, "Wrestle it or…"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Shoot it!" read Ganondorf.

"Wrestle it!" said Falcon, cheering.

_Marth and Ike_

"We found our bags and we're headed out the airport door," said Marth as he carried his man purse out the airport.

"A man purse?" smirked Ike coyly, "And you thought a handkerchief was unmanly!"

"Explain the freaking makeup you're wearing!" said Marth angrily, pointing to the lipstick and the eye shadow Ike had on.

"I like makeup, okay?!" sobbed Ike.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Well, we're following the swordsmen out the door!" said Yoshi cheerfully, as he and his partner walked out of the airport.

"Let's walk, so we don't have to pay!" said Link thoughtfully.

"Yeah," agreed Yoshi as they ran past the swordsmen who had jumped inside a flying futuristic taxi.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2__nd__ to arrive at Pit Stop_

"We did it," said Mewtwo as he and Lucario ran onto the mat.

"Well you certainly screwed up," said Koopa, smoking a fancy cigar, "What took so long?"

"We failed at the Fast Forward," said Lucario, eyeing the cigar lustfully.

"And?" said Koopa Troopa, tapping at the cigar to let ashes fall down, unaware of Lucario's wary gaze at his cigar. "Did you complete it?"

"No, we got caught up and we quit halfway," said Mewtwo, noticing Lucario's lustfulness.

"MUST…HAVE" screamed Lucario, pouncing on Koopa to get his fancy cigar.

"Let it go, Lucario! Let it go!" yelled Mewtwo, holding his brother back.

"I must have!" said Lucario, as Mewtwo sat on him.

"Well then," said Koopa angrily. "Team Mewtwo and Lucario, you're team number two!"

"Again," sighed Mewtwo to himself.

"I hate you Kenny!" sobbed Lucario.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop!" read Toon Link as Jigglypuff ran ahead.

"Hurry up Toony!" said Jigglypuff, getting out her whip.

Toon Link sped past her nervously.

"Good dog," said Jigglypuff, patting Toon Link.

…

Toon Link bit Jigglypuff.

"OW!1 Bad dog!1" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Fox and Wolf_

"Roadblock, who wants to…" read Fox.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"…Wade into some Phazon?" finished Pikachu.

"I will," said Ness.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
On Wrestle it_

King Dedede inhaled the Plated Beetle and swallowed.

They received their next clue.

"You must now make your way to the Space Pirate Frigate crash site," read Kirby.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Wrestle it_

"We can go now!" cheered Falcon and Ganondorf drunkenly as they staggered past Kirby and Dedede and collapsed on the ground, knocked out.

…

"Hello?" asked the cameraman angrily.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Why are you so homo, Marth?" asked Ike angrily. "Homos are…homo…ish?"

"Takes one to know one," said Marth coyly.

"At least I'm not wearing makeup!" said Ike, fuming.

"You _are _wearing makeup!" said Marth angrily.

"Well…uh…" said Ike, trying to wipe off the makeup.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're following the swordsmen closely, so when they trip up we can beat them!" said Yoshi to the cameraman.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Link angrily.

"I was talking to Pikachu!" said Yoshi, "See?"

Yoshi pointed to nothing.

"Are you joking?" asked Link angrily, "'Cause taking other teams' gags does not work!"

"It doesn't?" asked Yoshi, depressed.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3__rd__ Place_

The two Students hopped onto the elevator went to the top and ran inside the Processing Room.

They saw the mat and ran onto it, and Koopa Troopa told them their ranking.

"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you're team number three!" said Koopa Troopa.

"Mush!" said Jigglypuff, whipping her sleigh dogs. "Let's have a sleigh ride!"

The dogs mauled the cameraman to death.

"I said _sleigh_ ride, not slay ride!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"Wading through some poison…" sang Ness terribly.

He saw an artifact on top of a mushroom high up.

"…Crap," said Ness, as he climbed onto the mushroom and attempted to head for the artifact.

_Fox  
On Roadblock_

"I see one! I see one!" said Fox, "I have to crawl into this tunnel packed with radiation-filled Phazon though!"

"Go inside!" said Wolf angrily, upholstering his spiked gun.

"Fine," sighed Fox, crawling into the tunnel.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

King Dedede fell asleep.

"DEDEDE!" yelled Kirby, "We might get eliminated!"

King Dedede was asleep.

"PAY ATTENTION TO ME" said Kirby furiously.

King Dedede was asleep and could not hear Kirby.

"DAMN PENGUIN!!1" screamed Kirby.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Wrestle it_

"Wrestle! Wrestle!" chanted Falcon and Ganondorf drunkenly to the instructor.

"**You're **the ones supposed to wrestle!" said the instructor angrily.

"Ah," said Ganondorf, hopping down and starting to wrestle the Plated Beetle.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"Detour!" read Marth, "Wrestle it or…"

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"…Shoot it!" finished Yoshi.

"Shoot it," cackled Link, "So when I 'accidentally' shoot you, we can blame the instructor for the injury, and sue!"

"Perfect!" agreed Yoshi. "I was the one who got 'accidentally' hurt last time though, it's your turn!"

"You owe me a favor," reminded Link.

"You owed me _two_ favors," reminded Yoshi.

"You owed me…one favor!" said Link.

"Good, so its agreed that you get hurt this time, right?" asked Yoshi.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

Ness clambered onto the mushroom, panting.

He saw that Fox was crawling out with his artifact.

Ness started climbing again, this time a lot faster.

_Fox  
On Roadblock_

"I…I got it," breathed Fox, holding the artifact.

"Bring it here so you can de-contaminate it!" said Wolf happily. "Good job hun!"

"Did you just-"

"I said honeybunch! I mean Honey buns! I mean Snapple Iced Tea!1" said Wolf, having a spasm.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're going to get caught up to if you don't hurry!" said Kirby, pushing at King Dedede's sleeping form.

…

"I have candy," sang Kirby horribly.

…

"I have Cheerios," said Kirby, smiling.

…

"I can tap-dance!" said Kirby, smiling.

…

"I have a handlebar mustache!" said Kirby, angrily.

…

"Whuzzat?" asked King Dedede, coming awake.

"Wake up, stupid!" said Kirby angrily, as he conked King Dedede on the head with a solid hammer.

King Dedede was knocked out.

"Why did I do that?!" sobbed Kirby.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Let's…follow that team!" said Ganondorf, with a hangover.

"Okay!" said Falcon cheerfully.

"I thought you drank too?" asked Ganondorf confused.

"I spiked your already alcoholic drink!" said Falcon, smiling.

"Is that even possible?" asked Ganondorf angrily.

_Marth and Ike  
On Shoot it_

"I think we're the only ones out of the back group to pick this side of the detour," said Marth.

"Hey, should we have tried the Fast Forward?" asked Ike.

"Naw, let some other team do it…" said Marth.

_Link and Yoshi  
On Fast Forward_

"We're doing the Fast Forward!" said Yoshi cheerfully.

"Someone was kind enough to find three out of the six artifacts for us!" said Link happily, "So now we only have 3 more to find!"

"Lawyer five!" said Link and Yoshi, high-fiving.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 4__th__ Place_

"Make your way to the Pit Stop…" read Wolf.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"…Processing Center, the third Pit stop out of eleven!" finished Ness.

"Let's catch up to Wolf and Fox!" said Pikachu quickly.

_Kirby and King Dedede_

"We can't do anything until King Dedede wakes," said Kirby angrily. "Which will take about an hour!!1"

"I'm…awake…" said King Dedede, groaning as he shook his head.

"SHUT UP!1" said Kirby, hitting King Dedede with the mallet again.

King Dedede passed out.

Kirby thought for a moment.

"What the hell is wrong with me?!" cried Kirby, sobbing.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

The two dazed Frats made their way down the passageway, with Ganondorf feeling awful and sick.

Falcon beamed at him, grinning.

"This is your fault," said Ganondorf, clutching his head, "That my head hurts so much…"

"Have some pills!" said Falcon, handing Ganondorf some pills.

"Fine," said Ganondorf, taking them as he checked the bottle's name. "…RAT POISON TABLETS?!"

"Oops!" laughed Falcon, "I guess this was the correct one!"

He held up the aspirin.

"Maybe that will even out the Rat poison!" said Ganondorf.

Ganondorf took twenty of those.

Ganondorf died from medicine overdosage.

_Marth and Ike  
On Shoot it_

They shot the Incinerator Drone and received their next clue.

"Make your way to the Space Pirate frigate crash site!" said Marth.

"Let's beat the lawyers to it, they're not far behind us I think!" said Ike.

_Link and Yoshi  
Artifacts collected: 3/6_

"We just need three more, and we'll be not eliminated and we can go directly to the Pit stop," said Link.

"But where would three be?" asked Yoshi, confused.

"How convenient," laughed Link, "It appears someone left these notes for us to follow!"

He pointed at Mewtwo and Lucario's notes.

The Lawyers read it and used them to plot out where to go.

"Let's go get the last three!" said Yoshi excitedly. "First off, let's get the one in this section!"

_Fox and Wolf  
4__th__ to arrive at Pit Stop_

"Team Fox and Wolf, you're team number four!" said Koopa Troopa, smiling fakily.

"But…but I wanted to win a makeup kit!" squealed Fox, sobbing.

…

"For my…mother, of course…" said Fox uncomfortably.

Koopa Troopa stared.

_Ness and Pikachu  
At the Pit Stop_

"Team Ness and Pikachu, you're team number five!" said Koopa Troopa.

"That's what we wanted for legs one and two," sighed Pikachu.

"Too bad this isn't legs one or two," whined Ness.

"Well, you're steadily climbing up the ranks, ninth, seventh, fifth!" said Koopa.

"That's okay I guess…" said Ness.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Bye guys!" said Falcon, waving to Kirby and Dedede who was still knocked out.

"Great," said Kirby as he watched them walk off. "Now we're seventh!"

"So nice to see them be so happy to see us!" said Falcon.

Ganondorf stared.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"Hey Kirby, whats it feel like to be in second last now, loser?" cackled Ike evilly as they passed up Kirby and King Dedede.

"Now the only team behind us is the Lawyers!" said Kirby angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Artifacts collected: 3/6_

"Should we do this task…? Or Not?" asked Yoshi, "The remaining artifacts are pretty spread out…"

"Yeah, let's just do the actual tasks," agreed Link.

They ripped open the Detour clue and read aloud,

"Detour! Wrestle it or Shoot it?"

"We're doing Shoot it, remember?" reminded Yoshi.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"Our goal is sixth, seeing as we can't get fifth," said Ganondorf to the camera. "We think that will be easy enough, what with our competition."

"Hi I'm Jigglypuff, what's your name?" asked Jigglypuff.

…

"My names Falcon!" said Falcon.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're seventh now," said Ike to his partner.

"I know!" said Marth angrily. "Why is it that you must point such obvious things, for example, what place we are when I clearly know what place I am?"

"Because I can!" sobbed Ike.

"That's a lame reason!" said Marth angrily.

"You're a lame reason!" said Ike angrily.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're second-last! Wake up!" said Kirby angrily. "…Please??"

King Dedede woke up.

"Wow, it never occurred to me to ask nicely!" said Kirby, amazed.

They started jogging to the Space Pirate frigate crash site.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way to the Space Pirate Frigate crash site!" read Link as Yoshi mopped up the puddle of Link's blood.

"It worked successfully!" cackled Yoshi evilly, "We have a case on Thursday!"

"But…isn't that during the race?" asked Link nervously.

"Crap!" cried Yoshi, realizing the situation they had put themselves in.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6__th__ Place_

"We're cruisin'…" sang the frats as they ran to the Crash site.

"Let's put on…our scuba equipment!" said Falcon wisely.

Everyone cheered and clapped.

"Frat Power!" said Falcon and Ganondorf, high-fiving.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We're in the tunnel leading to the crash site, hopefully we can make it in time to catch the frats putting on scuba equipment!" said Marth, as he and Ike followed the trail to the Crash site.

"I hear noises alright!" said Ike, chuckling to himself.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 8__th__ Place_

"We're eighth! Hurry, Dedede!" said Kirby angrily, watching King Dedede slither forward…literally.

"Snail impression!" said King Dedede, chuckling.

"Will you get up already?!" asked Kirby angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're last again," said Yoshi, sniffing. "That's not unusual…"

"We think we'll make it," said Link bravely. "We'll make it…"

"Yeah. Sure…" agreed Yoshi, weakly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Saaailing, saaailing…" sang Falcon and Ganondorf, swimming along to the sunken ship.

"Let's sing another song!" said Falcon, grinning.

The cameraman groaned out loud.

"Need painkiller?" asked Ganondorf.

"Thanks," said the cameraman, taking twenty.

"Just kidding…it's Rat poison!" chuckled the frats.

The two racers chuckled heartily.

"HOW IS THAT FUNNY?!" asked the cameraman, "HOW IS ME DYING FUNNY?!"

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7__th__ Place_

"We see Falcon and Ganon!" said Marth, pointing to the frats swimming away from them.

"Quick, put on scuba gear and catch up!" said Ike angrily, putting on flippers.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 8th Place_

"We're second-last and all you can do are impressions?!" asked Kirby angrily as King Dedede got off the ground and did another impression.

"Chicken impression!" said King Dedede, chuckling as he pecked at the ground.

"Come on!" yelled Kirby angrily to Dedede as he ran ahead.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're following the rivals, they're going extremely slow!" said Link as they ran behind the said team.

"Hey fellas!" laughed Yoshi, "Enjoying your soon to be overall placing for ninth?"

"Augh," said Kirby angrily, fuming, "Go die!"

"Okay!" said King Dedede, about to kill himself.

"Not you!" said Kirby angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place_

"I'd like to make myself believe, that planet Earth turns…slowwwly…" sang Falcon poorly as he and Ganondorf swam inside the sunken ship.

"We're definitely ahead of the others, dawg!" said Ganondorf happily. "We're sixth!"

"Yee-ha!" said Falcon, doing a Falcon kick into a wall.

A spiky stalagmite shook and fell off the ceiling, impaling Falcon.

"NOBODY WINS WHEN EVERYONES LOSIN…ITS LIKE ONE STEP FORWARD AND TWO STEPS BACK…" sang Falcon, bleeding to death.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Dang they're fast swimmers," said Ike sheepishly as they kept swimming after the Frats aimlessly.

"How on earth did they become such good swimmers?!" asked Marth angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"We are professional swimmer athletes!" said Ganondorf, doing a breast-stroke.

"Yeah! Falcon swim!" said Falcon as he _doggie-paddled_.

"You're freaking dog paddling!" said the cameraman angrily.

"Shhh…" said Falcon. "Shhh…"

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 8th Place_

"We're putting on scuba gear," explained Kirby, "It's a race on putting scuba gear on, us against the lawyers, Link and Yoshi!"

"Donkey impression!" said King Dedede, kicking Kirby into the water.

"I believe you mean JACKASS IMPRESSION!1" yelled Kirby as he tried to swim.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Put on your Scuba gear, Link! We're trying to beat the rivals into the water!" said Yoshi angrily, putting on a water mask and goggles.

"This is tense…" said Link, putting on flippers.

"We may have met our match with these guys!" said Yoshi, gasping.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place_

"LOVES LIKE A HURRICANCE, I AM A TREE, BENDING BENEATH HIS WEIGHT AND MERCY…" sang Falcon.

Ganondorf stared.

"OH HOW HE LOVES, YEAH, OHHH HOW HE LOVES US, OOHHH HOW HE LOOOOOVES!1" sang Falcon.

Ganondorf ignored him.

They took off their swimming gear and threw it at the swordsmen to slow them down.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We're being beaten by frats?" asked Marth, rubbing his shin, aching.

"This is stupid! We should have been in first this leg!" protested Ike, sobbing.

"Wow," said Marth, rolling his eyes.

"…A man purse? Seriously, Marth?" asked Ike angrily.

"Didn't we already go over this?" asked Marth.

"YOUR MOM WENT OVER THIS!!1" said Ike, hitting Marth with fine china.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Glacier Impression!" said King Dedede, lying on his back, eyes closed as he floated on the water and moved slowly towards the sunken ship.

"Faster!" said Kirby, standing on top of Dedede, paddling with a paddle.

"This is a one-way stop to Georgia!" chuckled King Dedede.

"I'll make it a one-way stop to the Frigate Crash site then!" screamed Kirby, hitting King Dedede with the paddle.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Happy New years Yoshi!" cheered Link. "Its now officially New years!"

"Then why is it 10:27 AM then?" asked Yoshi angrily.

"Oh, then my clock is off by 10 hours and 27 minutes…" said Link. "But Happy New Years anyways! Happy late New years!"

Yoshi rolled his eyes and sighed.

"What is your resolution?" asked Link, chuckling merrily as he wore a beard and Santa Hat.

"The hell?" asked Yoshi, creeped out. "Uh…I resolve for more…uh…money?"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Todays mah birthday dawg, and I'm wantin' to win this leg…" said Ganondorf to the camera.

"Its not your birthday and there's no chance of getting any higher than sixth!" said the cameraman angrily.

"Non-believer!" said Falcon, hitting the cameraman on the head with a beanie babie.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Follow the red and yellow markers through Phazon Mines!" read Ike aloud.

"Go, the Frats are distracted! We can take sixth!" said Marth, smiling evilly as he urged Ike ahead.

"We can stay in sixth and only be one rank down than last leg!" said Ike, smiling hopefully.

"They're running after us, come on!" said Marth, shocked.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"We're not in last!" said Yoshi, eyes wide, "Come on Link, we're leaving the rivals behind!"

"We're still in this!" said Link happily.

"I'm so happy I could cry!" said Yoshi, sniffing.

"Good! We could sue the rivals for the cause of stress and frustration!" said Link, scribbling notes down.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're now in last, Dedede!" said Kirby, furious. "Why is it you can't be serious?"

"Why so serious?" chuckled King Dedede, wearing red dye on his lips and wearing a green wig. "…Joker Impression!"

"Why do I always get the uncooperative partners?" yelled Kirby angrily, pointing a gun at King Dedede.

"Now don't do that boy, you'll get yerself arrested!" said King Dedede, chuckling.

Kirby wrote down a note that said 'King Dedede is my murderer', then pointed the gun at his head.

"Let's see how you get out of this one!" cackled Kirby evilly.

He fired and killed himself.

…

King Dedede inhaled Kirby's corpse and swallowed.

"Damn it!" said Kirby's ghost.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're sixth now! Move!" said Ike, running alongside the trail, Marth following him closely.

"Let's stay this way, I wanna stay in the race!" said Marth, breathing heavily.

"This is not going to be so bad after all!" said Ike, forcing a smile.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Oh noes we lost our fabuloso lead!" said Falcon, wearing a wig.

"Why are you wearing a wig?" asked the cameraman.

"I'm Oprah, boy! Look, I'm Oprah Winnfrey!" said Falcon, dancing poorly.

Jigglypuff's sleigh dogs came and mauled him alive.

"OW!1" said Falcon, "That hurt!"

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"We're in eighth, we need to stay that rank!" said Yoshi desperately.

"We can make this, just a few more tasks I bet…" said Link as he and Yoshi kicked off their numerous scuba equipment.

"I see Kirby and Dedede, they're swimming this way about fifty yards away!" said Yoshi to Link.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"I see the lawyers! They're on the land, taking off their gear!" said Kirby, "Come on Dedede, we have to beat them at taking off gear equipment!"

"We can do this," said King Dedede, grinning, "Because I ate your scuba gear!"

"But…we're still in the water!" said Kirby, sucking in a mouthful of water.

King Dedede chuckled, grinning evilly, his eyes an evil shade of red.

"I know!" said King Dedede, evilly.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"We're men, we can do this," said Ike, panting as he ran along the trail, hopping over things on the ground.

"Really, Ike? We're men?" asked Marth angrily, pointing to Ike's poorly done makeup and Marth's huge handbag.

"Okay, we're not men!" sobbed Ike, still running.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Let's get serious now!" said Ganondorf, getting out a knife and stabbing Falcon, "Let's stay serious now dawg!"

"Okay," whimpered Falcon as he and Ganondorf ran along the trail, following the Altean Swordsmen from behind.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Longtime Enemies_

"We beat them to here!" cheered Kirby as he read the next clue.

"Make your way to the control tower," read Kirby aloud.

"Let's go beat the- oh yeah! Tree Impression!" said King Dedede, standing stock-still.

"Dammit!" said Kirby angrily as the Lawyers passed them up once again. "Drop the impressions and let's GO!"

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We're going to beat them, King Dedede's obsessed with doing Impressions!" said Yoshi, surprised.

"Hey, Dedede, bet you can't do the tree impression for one hour!" said Link, laughing as he ran away,

"Okay!" said King Dedede, setting his watch for one hour and then standing still again.

"No!" said Kirby desperately.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 6th Place_

"I see something!" said Marth excitedly, "It must be the way to the next clue!"

"Follow it!" said Ike happily.

High-pitched string music played.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We're not following Marth and Ike, they just went in the wrong direction!" said Ganondorf, opening a map.

"Good thing we cheated and got a map for this place!" said Falcon, laughing.

"Cheating is against the ru-" said the cameraman before Falcon cut him off.

"Rules, schmules," scoffed Falcon as he burned the map angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"We have a good chance of staying in the race now," giggled Link, "If we know Dedede really well, he'll stand there for the entire hour!"

"We're in luck that we're racing an idiot like Dedede," said Yoshi, smiling.

"We're not being eliminated this time!" said Link, wagging a hand.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're gonna be last!" said Kirby angrily. "Unless…"

Kirby thought for a moment.

"Hey, Dedede!" said Kirby, giving a fake smile, "The Lawyers called. They said they shortened it to twelve seconds!"

King Dedede did not respond, due to the fact he was a tree.

"Are you listening to me?" asked Kirby, frowning.

"Done!" said King Dedede, panting. "That one was tough!"

"I have an idea!" said Kirby, "Do an impression on…uh…as a hare running away from a rabbit!"

King Dedede transformed into a hare and sped off into the direction that the other three teams went.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Roadblock," read Falcon, "Who wants to wade into some Phazon?"

"You will." Said Ganondorf automatically.

"Okay!" beamed Falcon, "Falcon…DISREGARD FOR PERSONAL SAFETY!"

He jumped headfirst into a pile of Phazon.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Wait…" said Marth, "This isn't on the map we stole from the frats…we must've gone the wrong way!"

"No, no, this is the right way!" said Ike, smiling, "It's right here, when clearly the marker over there in the opposite direction contradicts that!"

"Did you just prove yourself wrong?" asked Marth, freaked out. "That's just…idiotic! And weird!"

"I'm good at it," smirked Ike coyly.

"Those weren't compliments," said Marth.

"Thank you!" said Ike, smiling.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"Follow the markers to the next clue!" read Yoshi.

Link and Yoshi started sprinting and went inside Phazon Mines, the same moment Kirby and Dedede ripped open their clue up on the control Tower.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're now following the markers!" said Kirby, panicking. "And this is obviously one of the last clues!"

"Rabbit Impression!" said King Dedede, gnawing on a carrot while saying, "Eeehh, what's up doc?"

"Don't you mean bugs bunny?" asked Kirby, confused.

"STARSCREAM IMPRESSION" said King Dedede, transforming into an F-22 Jet and flying off inside the Phazon Mines.

"…" said Kirby angrily.

_Falcon  
On Roadblock_

"I put my Biochemical suit on!" said Falcon happily, Phazon leeches within his Bio-suit on.

"That looks…very…painful…" said Ganondorf, surprised.

"It is!" smiled Falcon, holding up beer. "Ooops!"

He tripped and sprayed beer on the leeches, whom randomly spontaneously combusted, killing them.

"Oh my!" said the Space Pirate instructor, "You found a way to get rid of Phazon leeches!"

"Is…that a good thing?" asked Falcon, confused.

The Space Pirate stared, shocked.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We were going the wrong way, we're going in the right direction now!" explained Marth, running down the right path.

"Marth, you… …suck," said Ike plainly.

"Thank you!" smiled Marth.

"That wasn't a compliment!" said Ike angrily.

"See what I have to deal with?" asked Marth angrily.

"At least I do it cuter!" said Ike angrily.

"How do you do it cuter?" asked Marth, weirded out.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"We see the swordsmen ahead, 100 yards!" said Link with accuracy as he and Yoshi chased after the other team.

"We could get seventh!" said Yoshi, starry-eyed.

"Hurry Yoshi, let's not get second-last for once!" said Link, happy.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're on the trail, we think it might be maybe ten minutes before we get to the next task…" sighed Kirby as he followed the trail.

King Dedede trailed behind him nervously.

"We can get ninth, at least!" said King Dedede, chuckling.

"Ninth is last!" said Kirby angrily.

"Um, Megatron and Starscream joined the race…" pointed out King Dedede.

_Megatron and Starscream_

"Go faster!" commanded Megatron, kicking Starscream forward.

"But we weren't invited into the race!" whined Starscream.

"Then let's make our own race!" said Megatron angrily, "After all, its all about me!"

_Falcon  
On Roadblock_

"We're now decontaminating the artifact!" said Falcon, using the mini-vacuum on his face.

It mauled his face off.

A laugh track played from somewhere.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Roadblock," read Marth, "Who wants to wade into some Phazon?"

"I will!" said Ike angrily, "You can't trust a girly guy to do a task like this!"

"Fine, just hurry up and get it done so we can get sixth!" said Marth anxiously.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 8th Place_

"We have followed Marth successfully into this big room!" said Link, smiling.

"I see the frats also, this must be the roadblock!" said Yoshi, taking in the scenery.

"We can still get sixth if we hurry!" said Link, urging Yoshi forward.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"We haven't seen anyone yet so we're hoping a team gets lost…" said Kirby anxiously, running down the right path.

"You are, anyways!" said King Dedede, smirking, "I'm already a millionaire, in fact, I'm a billionaire! No, a _Trillionaire!!1oneone_"

"How did you get all that money?" asked Kirby.

"I sold your expensive platinum trophy!" smiled King Dedede.

"YOU BAS-" yelled Kirby.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're sixth now…" said Ganondorf happily. "Make your way to the pit stop for this leg of the race, the Processing room!"

"Teams may be eliminated!" re-read Falcon. "Let's go before the last two teams arrive!"

They ran to the right, where the huge elevator was, and they clicked the top floor, which was conveniently, the only floor.

"FRAT POWER!" yelled Falcon and Ganondorf, high-fiving.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"We're seventh to the roadblock! We're ahead of two teams!" shouted Marth encouragingly.

"Shut up!" said Ike angrily as he walked under a mushroom and towards a corner.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Roadblock," said Yoshi, "Who wants to wade into some Phazon?"

"I'll do it," said Link, getting a Bi-suit on.

"Hey there," said Link sexily to the male Space Pirate instructor.

"Hey handsome," said the Space Pirate instructor sexily to Link.

"You're wearing a _bi-suit_, not a bio-suit!" explained Yoshi.

"Oops, my bad," said Link, slipping it off.

"Aww," said the Space Pirate, disappointed.

_Kirby and King Dedede  
Currently in Last Place_

"There's two other teams, we can beat them if we hurry fast enough!" said Kirby, seeing the lawyers and the swordsmen.

"This legs at the end, we're fighting to avoid elimination!" said Kirby, "Because the last leg had the roadblock just before the Pit Stop!"

"You do it then," said King Dedede seriously.

"Okay!" said Kirby, running to get the clue and do the task.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
6th Team to arrive to Pit Stop _

The Fraternity Brothers got off the elevator and ran onto the mat, panting.

"Team Falcon and Ganondorf, you're team number six!" said Koopa Troopa, "You're the same as last leg!"

"We've made it," said Ganondorf, relieved.

"Who do you think will be eliminated?" asked Koopa to them.

"Probably Marth and Ike," replied Ganondorf, "They seemed to be very argumentative on the flight over here and seemed stressed."

"I say the Lawyers!" said Falcon, "They're a weak pair!"

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"I see one, but it's extremely far away!" complained Ike, seeing one a long running distance away.

"Go for it, we can get seventh if we hurry!" yelled Marth to his partner.

Ike groaned, but started to jog slowly over there, 200 yards away.

_Link  
On Roadblock_

"I see mine," smirked Link as he picked his up and ran back to the de-contamination center.

"We're going to be seventh!" cheered Yoshi as Link started to clean his Artifact.

Two Space Pirates helped him clean it.

_Kirby  
On Roadblock_

"I'm not being eliminated this leg!" said Kirby angrily, "I'm going to be seventh!"

"Go Marth and Ike!" cheered King Dedede, sitting on a lawn chair and eating popcorn.

"Shut up!" said Kirby angrily, shooting a shotgun.

He accidentally shot his helping Space Pirate instead.

"Oops?" said Kirby nervously.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"It's 11:30, Ike! Hurry!" said Marth anxiously. "We're going really slow!"

"Not gonna be eliminated, not gonna be eliminated," said Ike to himself nervously.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We did it!" cheered Yoshi as he opened the next clue. "Pit stop!"

"Let's go and be third-last!" said Link, happy about the thought.

"This is so…so exciting!" cheered Yoshi, dashing towards the elevator.

_Kirby  
On Roadblock_

"…" said Kirby angrily.

He inhaled the one Ike picked up.

"No!1" said Ike, crying.

Kirby quickly scraped off half the contamination and forced it into the Space Pirate instructor's bare hands, contaminating him and taking a clue.

"Pit Stop!" said Kirby, running after the Lawyers who were just now on the elevator.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"Grab the one on your foot!" said Marth angrily.

Ike grabbed it and ran for the de-contamination center and began de-contaminating the artifact quickly.

_Link and Yoshi  
Kirby and King Dedede_

The two stood anxiously next to one another, waiting for the elevator to reach the top.

"This is taking too long!" yelled Kirby, as he puffed up and floated up.

"Hey!" said Link angrily, he and Yoshi grabbing hold of King Dedede so he couldn't puff up and fly away too.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in Last Place_

"Pit Stop, Processing Center!" said Ike, he and Marth running to the elevator.

They waited for it to come back down.

"Why don't you guys just use the stairs?" asked the Space Pirate who was infected by Phazon.

"Ah," said the swordsmen, running into the room with the stairs.

They started scaling it.

_Pit Stop_

"11:35 AM!" yelled Link to Yoshi as they forced King Dedede onto the ground. "Let's hurry now!"

Kirby landed on the top floor, and ran into the room with the Pit Stop, and landed onto the mat.

"Where's Dedede?" asked Koopa.

"He'll come," assured Kirby, calm.

The elevator reached the top floor, and King Dedede punched the two lawyers off of him then ran off, chuckling to himself.

Yoshi jumped up and knocked Dedede down as he landed onto the mat.

Link ran for the room, but heard a noise and saw the two swordsmen come out of the door next to the elevator, panting.

Marth and Ike collapsed onto the ground from the exhaustion.

Kirby punched Yoshi off the mat, as Link jumped onto it.

Link punched Kirby off, and Ike, who cackled evilly, knocked King Dedede out cold.

"Hurry Yoshi!" yelled Link to Yoshi.

"I'm trying!" said Yoshi, forcing himself up.

Ike ran onto the mat, laughing evilly.

Kirby rolled onto the mat, which unfortunately knocked him and Ike off.

Yoshi thought of an idea.

King Dedede, groaned, as he regained consciousness and began remembering about the mat.

Link, the only one left onto the mat, yelled for Yoshi to come.

Yoshi's tongue lashed out.

Ike and Kirby wrestled, and they rolled back onto the mat.

King Dedede slithered towards the mat.

Marth jumped forward, and unsheathed his sword, and jumped towards the mat.

Ike and Kirby, in their wrestling, rolled off the mat.

Marth's sword impaled the mat.

Ike and Kirby, in their wrestling, rolled back onto the mat.

Yoshi's tongue was 5 inches away from the mat.

King Dedede reached out to touch the mat.

Yoshi's tongue slapped King Dedede's hand and touched the mat.

"Team Marth and Ike, you're team number seven," said Koopa.

"We got our goal," panted Marth, sweating.

"Team Link and Yoshi, you're still in," said Koopa Troopa, "You're team number eight."

Kirby and King Dedede frowned.

"Team Kirby and King Dedede, you are the last team to arrive, and I'm not very depressed to say, you have been eliminated from the race," said Koopa, not caring.

"Well, it was bound to happen…" sighed Kirby.

"At least I got to bond with mah best Friend Kirby!" chuckled King Dedede, grinning dumbly.

"Are you kidding?" asked Kirby.

"Yes!" King Dedede, inhaling Kirby.

He swallowed as everyone applauded.

"I got to accomplish my dream on this race," said King Dedede happily, "And that dream was eating Kirby alive!"

"Uhhh…congratulations?" said Koopa, nervous.

King Dedede was applauded as he left quickly.

**Finish Times:**

Roy and Snake: 8:47 AM

Mewtwo and Lucario: 9:22 AM

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 9:33 AM

Fox and Wolf: 9:56 AM

Ness and Pikachu: 9:59 AM

Falcon and Ganondorf: 11:27 AM

Marth and Ike: 11:37 AM

Link and Yoshi: 11:38 AM

**Kirby and King Dedede: 11:38 AM – Eliminated!**

Well, that's all there is! Did you like the leg? It was a little too short for my tastes, but that's just how it rolls.

I can guarantee Leg four will be longer for any of you who are asking that. By the way, when I was on the part where the four last teams were on the swimming task, it was new years! I planned for this to be released on December 31, 2009, but here it is, a few hours late…well, sorry about that!

I'm sorry to any who absolutely loved the eliminated team, but all my remaining 9 teams seemed to be amazingly great though, right?

When you review, tell me who you liked, who you hated, who you think shall win and who should be eliminated next!


	4. If I Were You I'd Be Nicer to Me!

"Last time on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race," said Koopa Troopa, smiling, "Nine teams went from Hyrule Kingdom to Tallon IV, a desolate, forsaken place!"

"_Two tickets to the 4:00 AM flight!" said Jigglypuff excitedly to the airline worker behind the booth._

"On the way over to Tallon IV, there was the New years! Teams Roy and Snake & Mewtwo and Lucario took the lead, landing on a flight two hours ahead of the other teams!" said Koopa Troopa, "Roy and Snake stayed ahead, landing them in first place!"

"_Team Roy and Snake, you're team number one," said Koopa Troopa._

"Mewtwo and Lucario fell behind, and ended up with the three other teams on the second flight due to the Fast Forward they attempted! They bickered most of the way to the Pit Stop..."

"_We quit the Fast Forward," explained Lucario angrily. "I had repeatedly warned my brother that this might take too long, but he wouldn't listen!"_

"I_ was the one who warned _you_!" said Mewtwo angrily._

"...But besides this, they managed to force themselves back into second once again!"

"_Well then," said Koopa angrily. "Team Mewtwo and Lucario, you're team number two!"_

"_Again," sighed Mewtwo to himself._

"_I hate you Kenny!" sobbed Lucario._

"The last four teams on the last flight, Marth and Ike, Kirby and King Dedede, Link and Yoshi & Falcon and Ganondorf, fought to stay in the race throughout the entire leg!"

"_Okay," whimpered Falcon as he and Ganondorf ran along the trail, following the Altean Swordsmen from behind._

_Link and Yoshi started sprinting and went inside Phazon Mines, the same moment Kirby and Dedede ripped open their clue up on the control Tower._

"_There's two other teams, we can beat them if we hurry fast enough!" said Kirby, seeing the lawyers and the swordsmen._

"_Go for it, we can get seventh if we hurry!" yelled Marth to his partner._

"The Frats Falcon and Ganondorf stayed serious at the end, making them leave the others behind! It became a three-way battle at the pit stop between the Lawyers, the Swordsmen and the rivals!" said Koopa Troopa. "But after a quick and fierce battle..."

_Ike and Kirby, in their wrestling, rolled off the mat._

_Marth's sword impaled the mat._

_Ike and Kirby, in their wrestling, rolled back onto the mat._

_Yoshi's tongue was 5 inches away from the mat._

_King Dedede reached out to touch the mat._

_Yoshi's tongue slapped King Dedede's hand and touched the mat._

"...The Longtime Rivals, Kirby and Dedede, were eliminated!" said Koopa.

"_At least I got to bond with mah best Friend Kirby!" chuckled King Dedede, grinning dumbly._

"Eight teams remain...who will be eliminated...next?" asked Koopa, staring fiercely at the camera.

**The Teams (With Opinions from Koopa Troopa the host):**

Falcon and Ganondorf (_They're frats, they are totally gonna pull a Dandrew)_

Marth and Ike (_Swordsmen that are total wimps...seriously, they're losers!_)

Roy and Snake (_Father and Son in the case of a delusional father and an insane son_)

Ness and Pikachu (_Best Friends? More like Best friend! Haha, I'm so Funny_)

Fox and Wolf (_Entrepreneurs selling GAYNESS_)

Mewtwo and Lucario (_Twin Brothers, More like, argumentative brothers! They're going to be fifth I say!_)

Link and Yoshi (_They're bloodsucking parasites that are gonna go out in this leg_)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (_Student? Jigglypuff didn't fail Kindergarten? I'm surprised_)

"After arriving at the first pit stop, all teams have to undertake a mandatory rest period where they can sleep, eat, and mingle with the other teams!" said Koopa Troopa.

"Can team Roy and Snake keep their whole 37 minute lead ahead of the other teams and keep their first place? Will Twin Brothers Mewtwo and Lucario get out of the hole they've dug and catch up to the Father and Son? Is Ness and Pikachu & Fox and Wolf going to stay in the middle pack after gaining high ranks for once? And can team Marth and Ike, after falling from fifth to seventh, get back to the top of the pack and save themselves before they get eliminated?"

"Team Roy and Snake, who were first to arrive at 8:47 AM, shall depart at 8:47 PM!" said Koopa Troopa dramatically.

_Roy and Snake  
1st to Depart; 8:47 PM_

"We're first out!" said Roy. "Last leg showed that we really are a strong team, we stayed in first, all the way to the pit stop and won ourselves our very first prize!"

"We wanna keep in first," said Snake, "That is, unless the Twins wanna win a leg for once!"

The two of them chuckled heartily at the Twins' dilemma.

"I say we keep moving on!" said Snake, he and his father jumping inside a taxi.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2nd to Depart; 9:22 PM_

"Make your way to the airport and book tickets to the Mushroom Kingdom!" read Lucario aloud. "...that's it? No card slot deals, Time departures? Just...book tickets?"

"Not every leg has to have a card slot deal, Lucario," sighed Mewtwo, shaking his head.

"In my book it does!" said Lucario angrily, pointing a finger at himself.

_Roy and Snake  
1st for 12:00 AM Flight_

"We're first on the 12:00 AM flight," said Roy to the camera.

"Apparently, this lands at 1:00, one hour later!" said Snake cheerfully, "That means...this means...We aren't gonna be alone this flight!"

"I have a bad feeling for this leg," said Roy sheepishly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
3rd to Depart; 9:33 PM_

"Let's go and free the sleigh dogs," said Toon Link, pointing at the dogs Jigglypuff had bought with their race money.

"Do we really have to?" asked Jigglypuff sadly.

"Yes!" said Toon Link angrily. "We wasted all our money on them, so let's sell them for a higher price to get a decent profit!"

"Fine," sighed Jigglypuff sadly.

Jigglypuff looked at Toon Link, then back at the dogs.

"Can we let them maul you just one more time?" asked Jigglypuff hopefully.

"NO!1" yelled Toon Link, wearing stitches and band aids.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2nd for 12:00 AM Flight_

"Well, we're caught up with the father and son, let's stay level with them!" said Lucario simply.

"We think maybe one or two more teams will be on this flight!" said Mewtwo, "So we kind of have a little more pressure than last leg!"

_Fox and Wolf  
4th to Depart; 9:56 PM_

"We're in the top four!" said Wolf happily as he and Fox waited for the elevator to reach the bottom, "This is good for us, we expect to stay in the top four this leg also!"

"We want to see either the swordsmen or the Frats to go out next," said Wolf, "The Swordsmen are annoying and the Frats threw stuff at us last leg!"

"They gave me a boo-boo!" sniffled Fox, showing a tiny little scratch the size of a pin on his arm.

Koopa Troopa just stared.

_Ness and Pikachu  
5th to Depart; 9:59 PM_

"Well Pikachu, we got our original goal, we got fifth place!" said Ness happily to Pikachu.

"We'll get my arm sowed in Mushroom Kingdom, right?" asked Pikachu nervously.

"Yeah, there's a city there, unlike here where there's almost nothing but greenery!" said Ness to his teammate.

"Good, I was getting tired of eating and reading with only one arm!" said Pikachu, relieved.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
3rd for 12:00 AM Flight_

"We're even with the two top teams!" said Toon Link as he took off towards their seats.

As he and Jigglypuff sat down across from the Father and Son, Toon Link looked out the window in time to see a rock be thrown through her window.

"OH GOD" screamed Toon Link as he was belted in the head by it.

"Who threw this?!" asked Toon Link angrily, holding up the rock.

It flew out of his hands, out the window, confusing Toon Link even more.

"Who threw what, Toon Link?" asked Jigglypuff, having not seen the rock.

"But...but..." stuttered Toon Link, confused.

Across from them, Snake snickered to himself as he pulled on a string, and at the end of it, was a rock tied to it!

_Fox and Wolf  
4th for 12:00 AM Flight_

"We've caught up with the three teams who had gotten ahead of us last leg!" said Fox excitedly. He waved to the other racers. "Hi guys!"

The six others glared angrily at them.

"What?" asked Fox angrily.

_Fox_

"The three first teams were very rude to me and Wolfie today! They merely ignored us the whole flight over to the Mushroom Kingdom!" said Fox angrily, "We thought they were our friends!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
5th for 12:00 AM Flight_

"This is great, we're caught up with the others!" said Ness as he waved to Mewtwo and Lucario and sat down behind the Students.

"We could get first for once!" said Pikachu, smiling hopefully.

"Yeah, I'm happy!" said Ness, smiling stupidly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
6th to Depart; 11:27 PM_

"Make your way to the Tallon IV airport..." read Falcon.

"Let's go and get on a plane!" said Ganondorf, leading his partner to the elevator.

"We want to be in fifth so bad now, we've gotten sixth twice in a row!" complained Falcon.

"Hey, you're sober for once!" said Ganondorf, lighting up.

"I can't think well sober..." said Falcon, scratching his head.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
6th for 12:00 AM Flight_

"We've caught up to the Students, Twins and Father and Son for the first time since leg two," said Falcon happily, sitting down in his seat. "We didn't see them at all on the last leg..."

"I think all the teams are on this flight," said Ganondorf, disappointed.

"Lucky for them!" said Falcon angrily.

_Marth and Ike  
7th to Depart; 11:37 PM_

"We're second-last to depart, Marth!" said Ike , upset. "We did so good on legs one and two, but now we're in the back!"

"It's all because of that stupid card slot crap on leg three," said Marth angrily. "Let's go and see if we can get on a reasonable flight..."

_Link and Yoshi  
Last to Depart; 11:38 PM_

"Well, we're coming out last again," said Yoshi. "Our goal is sixth place, since seventh is now second-last!"

"I think we can make this leg if we keep trying hard," said Link, distressed.

"Yeah," agreed Yoshi.

_Link and Yoshi  
Pre-leg Interview_

"We wanted to prove to the other seven remaining teams that we weren't a weak team," said Yoshi, "We wanted to try to get sixth to go and prove that to them."

"Who do you think will go out next?" asked Koopa Troopa.

"Probably the Entrepreneurs or the Swordsmen," said Link. "However, we'd like to see the Swordsmen go out. They are pretty annoying and bickersome."

_Marth and Ike  
7th for 12:00 AM Flight_

"Everyone's on this flight!" said Marth, shocked. "We can get back in the front now!"

"Yeah, we could get first for once!" said Ike happily.

"Success!" said the swordsmen, high fiving.

_Link and Yoshi  
Last for 12:00 AM Flight_

"Hi guys!" said Link to the Father and Son, Students and Twins.

"Wait...you guys are still in the race?" asked Toon Link. "I thought you were eliminated already!"

"No, we're not eliminated!" said Yoshi angrily, "That was the Flight attendants, Uncle and Nephew and the rivals!"

_  
Link and Yoshi_

"The nerve of them, they thought we had been eliminated already!" said Yoshi angrily.

"What! We're not eliminated?" asked Link, shocked.

Yoshi ignored him.

_"All teams are on the same flight to the Mushroom Kingdom! It leaves at 12:00 AM and arrives in the destination at 1 AM! Once it lands, teams must go to Peach's Castle on the other side of the Mushroom Kingdom of the airport! This may lead to some navigation troubles for some teams!" said Koopa Troopa._

_Mushroom Kingdom_

The camera showed views of the scenery, especially the neon lights in the middle of the main city.

_1:00 AM Flight Landed_

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're first for once, come on Falcon!" said Ganondorf excitedly, running inside their taxi and they drove off.

"We forgot a bag!" said Falcon, surprised.

Falcon looked back to see the bag they left behind.

"It's the one with the binoculars!" exclaimed Falcon.

"Don't worry, we can get it later!" said Ganondorf, driving the taxi himself.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're second only to the frats!" said Fox excitedly as he jumped inside the stolen civilian's car with Wolf his teammate.

They drove off after the Fraternity Brothers.

"We can nab first if we beat them through the main square of Mushroom Kingdom!" said Wolf anxiously.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We beat the kids out!" said Mewtwo, grinning.

He packed the bags in the trunk of the taxi whilst he thought.

"We're about third I suppose!" said Lucario to his brother as he sat in the back seat behind the drivers seat.

"The students are just now coming out!" said Mewtwo to the older brother.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We're not the first or second out, lets hurry Toon Link!" said Jigglypuff.

They saw Mewtwo collecting bags and putting them up.

"Mewtwo, you forgot one!" said Jigglypuff sweetly, holding up the bag of Falcon's.

"That's not ours!" said Mewtwo simply, closing the trunk of the taxi.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff, just about to throw it away.

"Wait!" said Toon Link, stopping her, and he picked it up. "Maybe if we return it to the owner, we could look better in front of the other teams!"

"Sure, but we don't know who it belongs to!" said Jigglypuff nervously.

"We'll ask!" said Toon Link simply, "We just have to do this or else, the other teams will try to force us out of the race! This is our sole mission for this leg!"

"Fine!" said Jigglypuff angrily. "It doesn't matter!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We are headed for our pre-ordered taxi!" yelled Snake as they ran outside in the parking lot just in front of the airport.

"Is this your bag?" asked Jigglypuff, holding up Falcon's bag.

"No!" said Roy as they got inside their taxi and drove off, leaving the Students.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Great," said Toon Link, "Just great."

They saw Ness and Pikachu run out.

"Hey you guy, is this your bag?" asked Toon Link nervously.

"Nope," laughed Ness, "I don't see how it could be, seeing as its been out here and all our bags we just got at the baggage claim!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We know it doesn't belong to the Father and son, Twins, or besties." said Toon Link, "This means it must be the Lawyers, the Frats, Swordsmen or the Entrepreneurs."

"I don't like those rotten Entrepreneurs," said Jigglypuff angrily.

"What did they do to you?!" asked Toon Link angrily.

_Toon Link_  
"Apparently, Jiggs has a rivalry with Fox and Wolf, the Entrepreneurs." said Toon Link, "I don't know how or why, which is starting to get annoying."

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We're stuck on baggage claim!" said Link angrily. "We're seventh!"

"Not good!" said Yoshi, taking their bags after ten minutes of waiting.

"I think we're ahead of the swordsmen," said Link, pointing at the said team behind them.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're in last now," said Marth angrily, "We could've regained that lead, but my partner wouldn't do anything!"

"I was tired!" said Ike angrily, "Would you want me to, if you were tired, force you to race?"

"YES!" said Marth angrily.

"Oh, well then uh...um..." said Ike.

Marth glared angrily.

"Uh....then um...." said Ike.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're first so let's not get too cocky dawg!" said Ganondorf, driving onward as Falcon read the map.

"What does a red sign that has the words 'S-T-O-P' on it mean?" asked Falcon pointing ahead.

"Strange!" said Ganondorf, running the stop sign, "Must be in foreign language!"

They dished out fine wine.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're second again!" said Mewtwo, who was telekinetically driving, "And this time, it's to those stupid Frats!"

"We made a blood-pact to get first this time!" said Lucario, holding up a nicotine patch on his wrist.

"That's...a nicotine patch..." said the cameraman. "In fact, they're all over your body!"

Lucario realized that.

"Um, so? Does that mean anything?" asked Lucario, confused.

"It means you could die from overdose!" said the cameraman, "What idiot told you to put on twenty patches at once?"

Mewtwo's face turned red and he started whistling.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We're third now, but we're following the Twins' taxi!" said Fox nervously as they drove a few yards behind the said team's taxi.

"This is close, I think another team is just behind us, I'm not sure though!" said Wolf, a nervous wreck.

Fox, who wasn't driving, looked back to see Roy and Snake gaining on their taxi.

"Oh no, it's Snake!" screamed Fox, unbuckling and hiding under the seat.

"Does that mean anything??" asked Wolf, confused.

_  
Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Since I'm driving, you'll be using the RPG," explained Snake.

"Son, first of all, you've spent way too much time in the army, second, We need to change our game plan, and third, get a better tie!" said Roy angrily.

"I like this tie!" cried Snake, wearing a tacky polka-dotted Tie. "It was my great-great grandfather's!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We're now just getting out of the parking lot..." sighed Ness worriedly, "We got held back by customs."

"We're fifth out I think, though I'm not entirely sure!" said Pikachu, his one good arm holding his severed one.

"We can catch up, no worries!" said Ness smartly, "We still have a Detour and roadblock!"

Ness turned to the sowing expert in the back with Pikachu and he and said,

"Sow faster man, I'm not paying you by the hour!" said Ness angrily.

"You're a little boy threatening me to sow your stuffed toy!" said the worker angrily as he sowed Pikachu back together, "If I were you I'd be nicer to me!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're probably seventh now!" said Toon Link worriedly, "And we don't have enough money to pay for a taxi trip!"

"How'd we spend it all?" asked Jigglypuff, confused.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe it was when you **bought the freaking carnival here!1**" said Toon Link angrily.

They saw Link and Yoshi run out towards a pre-ordered taxi, which gave Toon Link an idea.

"Hey! Link, Yoshi!" called out Toon Link, "We wanna carpool with you! Is that okay?"

"Sure," said Link, having obviously not known of the Student's previous antics over the past legs, due to the fact he and Yoshi had usually been in dead-last and the Students were always in the front, "Of course! Hop in!"

He held the door open for them as they scampered in with their bags.

"Thanks alot, we could have been stranded!" said Jigglypuff, hugging a blushing Yoshi.

"Well, we couldn't let two adorable little kids be left out there!" said Link simply. "We could probably help each other this leg, too!"

"You're way nicer than those meanie teams, the Twins and Father and Son!" said Jigglypuff childishly.

"Now pay up," said Link, holding out his hand.

"What?!" asked Toon Link.

"You heard me, pay up!" said Link, "We charge to give carpools!"

Jigglypuff grumbled and took out her 'for emergencies only' money and handed it to them unwillingly.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're still last because we're just now headed outside!" said Marth angrily, "Why are we getting so awful at racing all of a sudden?"

"First two legs we did good," said Ike to himself, musing.

"It's like we lost some racing ability or something!" said Marth, upset. "We seriously need to rethink our strategies!"

"Let's start cheati-"

Ike realized the camera was filming them.

"Heh heh, we could play fair...?" said Ike nervously.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We missed the turn back there!" said Ganondorf, worried. "That means we could end up third or fourth!"

"This sucks," said Falcon, downing his glass of wine and throwing the glass out the window.

It hit a police officer in the face.

"Crap!" yelled Ganondorf, smashing his foot on Falcon's, which was on the acceleration pedal.

The policemen got into their police car and chased after Falcon and Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We've been in second throughout most of the race so far," said Mewtwo somewhat displeased, "In leg one we were in second all the way up to the footrace inside the hotel, Leg two we were second on the way over to Kakariko village and we were second to the mat, and on the third leg, we finally were in second most of the leg until we got caught up by about three other teams!"

"So basically we're second place prone," said Lucario.

"We're almost to the bullying part, we're almost that desperate to win a leg," said Mewtwo, driving using his psychic powers.

"Turn, turn, turn!" yelled Lucario, pointing to the right.

Mewtwo barely made the turn.

"Phew," said Lucario, "We almost missed the major turn there!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We missed the turn like the Frats did!" pouted Fox angrily, "Apparently the Twins are now first because they made the turn successfully!"

"We can overcome the Frats if we become the last two teams!" said Wolf.

"Yes, they seem gullible!" said Fox, satisfied.

"I think we can still be fourth if we hurry and make that turn next time around!" said Wolf.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We made the turn, unlike the Entrepreneurs who seemed to be unlucky enough to miss the turn!" said Roy.

Snake shot the right turn section once they passed it.

"Yes! Now it will be harder for teams to cross that gap in the ground on the turn! We'll win again!" cackled Snake, frothing at the mouth, panting like a dog.

"Actually, you just destroyed the left turn, so now its impossible for teams to miss the turn," explained Roy.

"Curses, foiled by my bad eyesight!" said Snake, taking out his contacts and crushing them.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 3rd Place_

The two Best Friends successfully made the turn, and continued down the path.

"We noticed that some team destroyed the left pathway, and we're curious as to why," said Pikachu. "Teams need to go down the right path, not the left!"

"Somebody obviously has poor aim!" chuckled Ness.

_Roy and Snake_

"My Solid senses are tingling!" said Snake, eyes growing huge. "Must...kill....must....kill..."

The cameraman sedated him.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We passed a taxi with the Lawyers in it, so maybe we're seventh now!" said Ike, not realizing the Students were in the taxi. "Hurry taxi driver, I'll pay you extra if you drive faster!"

"I hope the stupid students don't win another leg," said Marth angrily, "We're getting sick of their antics!"

_Link and Yoshi  
Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We've been passed by the swordsmen!" said Link, "That should make us the last two teams!"

"Oh no, we have to not get last!" said Toon Link, shocked.

"This is our worst leg yet!" said Jigglypuff, sobbing.

"You obviously haven't been paying attention to _our_ ranking resume," sighed Yoshi, rolling his eyes.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're here!" said Mewtwo, slamming his door shut and putting on his backpack.

"We're definitely first, not a single taxi parked in the Castle Parking lot!" explained Lucario as he unbuckled and hopped out of the taxi, getting his backpack.

"I so wanna win this leg," said Mewtwo desperately.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're going to move out of the way and let a different team get first this time," explained Roy, "That way, the other teams don't hate us for winning just once! But if we won, say, three consecutive legs..."

"The others would hate us, like we hate Toon Link and Jigglypuff!" said Snake angrily.

"Precisely!" said Roy happily.

"We're second here!" said Snake, parking the taxi next to the Twin's and paying their taxi driver.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Let's stay in the lead, Pikie," said Ness as he ordered the Taxi driver to pick up speed.

"I'm done sowing his arm back," explained the old man, showing Pikachu.

"Pikachu!" said Ness, hugging the Pikachu.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We don't know if we're in the back of the pack or the front." said Marth worriedly. "We hope for the best!"

"There's Fox and Wolf, they made a wrong turn!" said Ike triumphantly, pointing to the Entrepreneurs' taxi which was trying to get back into the correct lane, "We must be fifth now!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Darn, we missed the turn again..." said Falcon sheepishly, driving recklessly.

Ganondorf looked at their map.

"Take the next right turn!" shouted Ganondorf.

Falcon made the turn.

"Yes! We made it!" said Ganondorf, relieved.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Darn it, this wasn't a good idea to follow the Frats!" whined Fox as they missed the turn that the Frats made.

"We'll make the next turn, I swear!" said Wolf angrily.

They didn't.

"Oh," said Wolf, saddened.

_Link and Yoshi  
Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Yep, I'm sure we're the last two teams," explained Link.

"That's not bad news for us," said Yoshi.

"Yeah," agreed Link.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM?!" asked Jigglypuff, slapping Link silly.

"Front pack-ers, sheesh," said Yoshi, rolling his eyes. "They can't take the pressure..."

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Wait, why are the Father and Son strolling casually?" asked Mewtwo, confused.

"It doesn't matter!" yelled Lucario, running inside the Castle.

They ran inside the garden and opened the clue from the clue box.

"Roadblock!" read Mewtwo out loud, "Who wants to fix up Peach's Garden?"

_"Roadblock is a task only one person may perform!" said Koopa Troopa to the camera. "In this Roadblock, one person from each team must grab their vermin dispatching equipment and get rid of the Monty Moles invading Peach's Garden! However, teams may not kill the moles, as they need to be put in a zoo! If teams were to kill even one mole, they must start over! Teams must successfully get rid of five Monty Moles before they receive their next clue!"_

"I'll do it!" said Lucario, going into the shed to get some knock out spray.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Casually son, casually!" said Roy, as they slowly strolled towards where Mewtwo and the clue box were. "Go for second!"

"I understand!" said Snake, understanding.

"Okay, start running," said Roy, picking up speed.

"Why?" asked Snake, confused.

"I see The Besties' taxi just pull up!" said Roy, running faster.

Snake beat Roy to the clue box, even when Snake was jogging and Roy was running all-out.

"How did you beat me??" asked Roy angrily.

"Simple, you're old!" said Snake.

Roy cried.

"Roadblock!" read Snake cheerfully. "I'll do it, I have a plan!"

He ran inside the shed to get some knock out spray.

"We already thought of that idea!" called out Lucario angrily, running past him.

"Darn it!" said Snake angrily.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We got our bike back!" said Pikachu.

"Yeah, we don't need a taxi driver!" exclaimed Ness, to the Taxi driver.

The taxi driver swore at them and flipped Ness off.

"What does it mean when someone raises their middle finger at you?" whispered Ness to Pikachu.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Look Ike," said Marth, pointing to Ness, "It's that kid who's always at the back of the pack!"

"We must be sixth then!" said Ike angrily. "If we pass him, we might get fifth!"

"Come on then!" said Marth, closing the taxi door and running after Ness and Pikachu.

Ike quickly paid the taxi driver then followed Marth.

_Link and Yoshi  
Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We think we're still last, we're not sure though!" said Toon Link to the camera.

"I don't wanna be eliminated!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "And its all because of Toon Link's bad carpooling skills and the awful taxi driver we have and the stupid Lawyer's bad navigation!"

Everyone glared at Jigglypuff angrily.

"What?" asked Jigglypuff angrily.

"_You're_ the one who stopped for _a bathroom break!1"_ said Toon Link angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Dang, the Entrepreneurs didn't make the turn," mused Ganondorf, "Again, dawg!"

"They suck at navigation!" chuckled Falcon, "We have this in the bag!"

"Yeah, we ain't bein' eliminizzled this time, dawg!" said Ganondorf happily.

"...what?" asked Falcon, confused.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
After-leg Interview_

"We tend to have miscommunication..." said Falcon, looking over at Ganondorf, who was writing an essay.

Falcon's eyes shifted from side to side sneakily.

"That's not a good thing..." said Falcon suspiciously.

"I'm right here you know!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Shush...." said Falcon. "Shusshhhh..."

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We keep miss-navigating!" said Wolf angrily. "Fox, you give me the map and you drive!"

The pulled over and switched seats.

"Now then," said Wolf, opening the map once he had buckled, "Make a left-"

"LEFT!1" yelled Fox, slamming his foot on the acceleration pedal and causing the car to swerve left and right.

They flew off the bridge they had been driving on and plunged into the water.

"...On second thought, I'll drive next time," said Wolf, struggling to open the door.

"You can't open a door when you're submerged in water, fool OLOL" said Fox.

"Why not?" asked Wolf angrily, still trying to open the door.

"MYTHBUSTERS said so and they DO NOT LIE TO THE PUBLIC OLOL" said Fox.

_Lucario  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 1/5_

Lucario sprayed a mole in the face with Knock out spray.

It fainted, and Lucario placed it in a bag full of unconscious Monty Moles.

"This is easy!" grinned Lucario cheesily.

_Advertisement_

"That's why you should buy Kirby's Knock out Spray!" said Quinn, wearing a mustache.

"Yes, call us at 666-777-8888!" said Kirby, also wearing a fake mustache. "Call today, or else we'll send our evil terrorist friends to blow up your house!"

"Kirby and Quinn's....Knock out spray!" sang some cowboy, strumming a guitar. "Come and buy it...today!"

Kirby and Quinn put their arms around each other and gave a thumbs up, grinning cheesily.

_Snake  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 1/5_

"Take it slow, son!" called out Roy to his son, "Let Mewtwo and Lucario win this leg!"

"Gotcha!" said Snake, strolling slowly as he sliced a Monty Mole in half and placed it into his bag.

"You're not supposed to kill them!" said one instructor angrily.

Snake turned and gave him the infamous 'Dramatic Gopher evil eye'.

The instructor cowered in a corner.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Roadblock!" read Ike, "Who wants to fix up Peach's Garden?"

"I'll do it," said Marth, running into the shed to pick up a net to catch Monty Moles in.

"We're in third I think!" called out Ike to the retreating Marth.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"A Fast Forward!" said Mewtwo, "Again!"

"Wait...wasn't I just doing the task?" asked Lucario.

"Quiet," said Mewtwo, whispering.

Mewtwo opened up the clue and read it.

_"__Fast Forward! This is only one of four fast forwards in the entire race! In a Fast Forward, teams may skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop!" said Koopa. "In this Fast Forward, the team must go to Bowser's Castle and find Bowser! They then must go buy the following items on his grocery list! Once teams have successfully bought all the items on the list, they may go directly to the pit stop!"_

"Yes, this one is way easier than that last one!" said Mewtwo, smirking.

"We have to use our own money for the task!" said Lucario, "That must be the catch!"

They ran out of Princess Peach's Castle and jumped back inside their taxi, and drove to the 5-mile away Bowser's Castle.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Roadblock!" read Pikachu. "Who wants to fix Peach's Garden?"

Ness stared at Pikachu for twenty seconds.

"Okay, you can do it!" said Ness, smiling.

Pikachu, being a stuffed animal, stayed there.

Ike snickered at this.

"Good luck trying to keep up, kid!" laughed Ike evilly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

They pulled up to the parking lot and parked in Mewtwo and Lucario's old spot.

"Let's do this!" said Ganondorf, as he and Falcon jumped out of the taxi and ran into the garden.

Once inside, they opened the clue and Ganondorf read it.

"Roadblock, who wants to fix Peach's Garden?" read Ganondorf.

"FRAT POWER!1" yelled Falcon, punching Ganondorf and running inside the shed.

_Link and Yoshi  
Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We can't find a parking spot!" said Toon Link dramatically.

"We suck at finding parking spots!" said Yoshi.

"Correction: Lawyers suck!" said Jigglypuff.

Link and Yoshi glared angrily at Jigglypuff.

"What, you don't like Lawyer jokes?" asked Jigglypuff, naive.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're positive we're last," said Wolf angrily, the water started to seep inside the car.

"Good thing I watch Mythbusters, huh?" grinned Fox foolishly, the water up to his knees (He was sitting down).

"Dammit Fox, Mythbusters does not help you get out of a sinking car alive!" said Wolf angrily.

"I beg to differ!" yelled Fox, using his Mythbusters Season Four case to break open his window.

Water whooshed into the car, increasing the amount of water getting inside the car.

"FOX YOU IDIOT!1" screamed Wolf, water up to his neck.

_Snake  
On Roadblock  
_  
"Where'd the Twins go?" asked Snake, confused.

"You can start speeding through it now!" yelled Roy, "They went to do a Fast Forward so you could start speeding through the roadblock because they'll obviously beat us to the pit stop!"

Snake started killing several more moles, more than he even needed to, then accepted the clue.

"Make your way to Peach's Throne Room, which was originally the second Pit stop of the first season!" read Snake.

"Let's go and get second!" said Roy, satisfied.

_Roy and Snake  
Pre-Leg Interview_

"It's our goal to get second this leg," explained Roy, "If we got first twice in a row, the other teams wouldn't like us very much now, would they?"

"No!" said a bunch of random kids.

Snake shot them.

Roy Snake and Solid Snake got sued.

_Marth  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 2/5_

"The third one is hard!" yelled Marth back to Ike.

"Don't stop trying!" yelled Ike back, angrily. "Or I'll make you regret it!"

"That's not comforting," said Marth, nervous.

_Pikachu  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 0_

"Take your time, Pikachu," said Ness comfortingly, "Take your time."

Pikachu stood there for 5 minutes.

...

"Take your time..." said Ness, slightly disturbed.

_Falcon  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 1/5_

"FALCON....PAAAUNCH!!1" said Falcon, punching the mole.

The mole was knocked unconscious from the impact.

He stuffed it into the bag quickly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6th Place_

"I feel bad leaving the Lawyers behind..." sighed Toon Link. "We ditched them while they were paying for the parking spot!"

"It's a race!" said Jigglypuff angrily, running inside the Castle, "They totally will understand!"

"Now another team hates us!" said Toon Link, sniffing.

"What about the bag?" asked Jigglypuff angrily.

"Oh yeah!" said Toon Link, "The Lawyers didn't recognize it, that leaves the Frats, Entrepreneurs and the Swordsmen!"

They ran inside, where they saw the swordsmen.

"Is this your bag?" asked Jigglypuff, holding up the hand bag

"No," said Ike, in the background Falcon and Ganondorf left the roadblock and went to the throne room, "That looks like Falcon's hand bag!"

"Where's Falcon?!" asked Jigglypuff as Toon Link went to do the Roadblock.

"Um, apparently they just left," said Ike, confused. "Go annoy someone else, why don't you!"

Jigglypuff sat next to Ness who was giving Pikachu a pep talk.

"Hi Jigglypuff!" said Ness, who went back to giving Pikachu a pep talk. "Now listen man, we've come a long way, but we can't give up now!"

Jigglypuff watched as Ness stared at Pikachu intently for ten seconds.

"What do you mean you can't move?" asked Ness angrily.

Jigglypuff watched as Ness stared at Pikachu intently for ten seconds.

"That's a dumb excuse!" said Ness angrily. "You can't fool me!"

Jigglypuff watched as Ness stared at Pikachu intently for ten seconds.

"Are you mocking me?" asked Ness, furious. "Huh? Huh?"

Jigglypuff watched as Ness got into a fight with Pikachu the stuffed animal.

"Okay, okay, you win!" whimpered Ness, the stuffed animal on top of him.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Darn it," said Link, "Those kids ditched us!"

"At least we know they have no money!" cackled Yoshi, "They apparently had to carpool with us or they would have been left behind!"

"Well, that's kind of karma for ditching us!" said Link, smiling.

"Yeah, sucks for them!" laughed Yoshi, counting the Student's 'For emergencies only' money.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We made it," said Fox, hauling himself onto land.

"Finally!" said Wolf angrily, helping Fox out of the water.

"Let's just jog to Peach's Castle," sighed Wolf, running with the map.

Fox followed him.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Let's hurry up and do the Fast Forward before someone reaches the pit stop!" said Lucario angrily, jumping out of the taxi and running inside the Bowser's Castle.

"We're far ahead," explained Mewtwo, "Roy and Snake are probably the only team done with the roadblock by now!"

"I hope you're right," said Lucario, looking back.

They jogged inside Bowser's Castle.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We can race at normal speed, rest assured," said Roy, waving a hand. "They took a Fast Forward so they should be first!"

"I still don't see the point of coming second," said Snake, angered.

"You'll understand later." said Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We need to find Peach's throne room!" said Ganondorf, walking up to a toad.

"Walk down, third room on the left," explained the Toad.

Ganondorf grinned as the Toad walked off.

"It feels great not being neglected from society," said Ganondorf, thinking about Hyrule Kingdom.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We're done!" said Marth, opening the clue.

"And not a moment too soon!" said Ike, noticing the Lawyers were walking up to do the task.

"Make your way to Peach's Throne room!" read Marth aloud.

_Ness  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 0_

"Darn it Pikachu, why aren't you trying?" asked Ness angrily.

Ness glared at Pikachu.

"Quit using that dumb excuse and do the task!" said Ness angrily.

Ness ignored Pikachu.

_Toon Link  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 6_

"I feel sorry for Ness," said Toon Link, glancing over at Ness, who was goading the stuffed animal into get the moles, "So I'm going to get five for him too!"

"How nice!" said the cameraman. "...or is this part of your plan to look like a nice team in front of the others?"

"I'm not going to answer that," said Toon Link angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We're here," said Yoshi, "We're probably last or second-last here..."

"It doesn't matter!" said Link angrily, "Let's hurry up and do the task!"

"We wanna get sixth so bad," said Yoshi desperately. "There's the Students who ditched us!"

Link ignored Yoshi and went to do the task.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Take a left," said Wolf, looking at the map, pointing ahead.

"I'm freezing!" whimpered Fox, shivering from the cold of the water.

"I guess we'll have to...get close for warmth..." said Wolf sexily.

"Is that innuendo?" asked Fox angrily.

"Yes!" said Wolf, slapping Fox.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Well, we're here!" said Mewtwo, telekinetically sliding into Bowser's Private Quarters.

"About time!" said Bowser, "A team!"

He handed them the list.

"Remember, you must get everything on the list otherwise you'll have to go back and get it!" reminded Bowser angrily.

"Let's see...eggs, Milk, bacon, tomato sauce, strawberries, and....crack?!" said Mewtwo, confused. "Where are we supposed to find crack?"

"Go find a drug dealer and get some!" said Bowser. "And you have to get everything to pass the Fast Forward!"

"This is insane! And illegal!" yelled Mewtwo angrily.

"I actually like this one," grinned Lucario.

"Fine, let's just hurry up and do this!" said Mewtwo, running out of Bowser's Private Quarters.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

They ran into the throne room and accepted the clue.

"Teams must dust and mop the throne room for their next clue!" read Snake. "One person must mop and one must dust! They will be given certain sections to clean!"

"Come on, you mop I dust!" said Roy, grabbing the duster.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Teams must dust and mop the throne room!" read Falcon.

"Let's do this! I think we're third!" said Ganondorf. "We can hurry and stay this place to da Pit Stop, dawg!"

"HYEZ!" yelled Falcon, grabbing a mop.

_Marth and Ike_

"Teams must now dust and mop the throne room!" read Marth.

"We're third here," said Ike, looking at the other two teams.

"What happened to the Twins?!" said Marth, looking around.

"I dunno, maybe they're having navigational troubles," said Ike, unsure.

"But they were doing the roadblock before!" said Marth.

"I dunno, okay? Let's just do this task!" said Ike, picking up a mop.

_Pikachu  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 0_

"Dang it!" said Ness, kicking Pikachu, "You stupid Pikachu!"

Jigglypuff just watched and laughed.

Ness glared angrily.

"Sheesh, so touchy!" said Jigglypuff, rolling her eyes.

_Toon Link  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 9_

"One more!" said Toon Link, going for the last one.

He caught it.

"Yes," said Toon Link, satisfied.

_Link  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 1_

"Sheesh," said Link, "We're about seventh and no sign of Fox and Wolf yet..."

"They must have gotten really off-track!" said Yoshi, smiling. "We won't be eliminated!"

"We kind of respect Wolf and Fox, despite their, uh, differences..." said Link, "But better them than us!"

"Yeah, it's only their fault!" said Yoshi, "Go and finish up, four more!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're almost there!" said Fox, running ahead.

"We're hoping someone got held up!" said Wolf, running behind Fox, "We can count on the Lawyers to do that!"

"Yes, yes we can." said Fox.

"I love it when you're serious," said Wolf sexily.

"What did you say?" asked Fox cutely, running in the opposite direction, tripping civilians, and throwing a grenade inside a building.

"Never mind!" said Wolf angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Attempting Fast Forward_

"We're parking in front of a grocery store!" said Mewtwo, telekinetically parking the car.

"Let's go!" said Lucario, hopping out. "I think we can get most of the stuff here!"

"Okay, let's re-read the list," said Mewtwo, pulling out the long list. "Okay, we need eggs, Milk, Strawberries, Tomato Sauce, bread, Painkiller medicine and crack!"

"You look for the eggs and Milk, I'll look for Painkiller!" explained Lucario strategically.

"Alright, we need to keep doing good!" said Mewtwo, running down the freezer section of the Grocery store.

He went down the aisle and found Milk. Placing it in the hand basket, he found eggs further down.

"That makes two out of seven!" said Mewtwo, relieved that he already found two.

"I found the Painkiller," said Lucario, holding up a medicine bottle.

_Roy and Snake_

"We're ahead of the others, because we got here first." said Snake, mopping.

"I think they're both gaining on us though!" said Roy, surprised.

"Nonsense," chuckled Snake, "They got here too late to have caught up!"

"The Frats got here two minutes after we did!" said Roy angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Cleaning, cleaaaning," sang Ganondorf, mopping the floor.

"Cleaning, cleaaaning," sang Falcon, dusting Ganondorf's face.

_Marth and Ike_

"We're doing good, doing good!" said Ike, mopping the floor rapidly.

"I'm done with my job!" said Marth, showing the spectating Toad that had the clues.

"Your section is done." said the Toad simply.

"Can I help Ike with the mopping?" asked Marth.

"No." said the Toad.

"How about now?" asked Marth.

"No." said the Toad.

"How about now?" asked Marth.

"No!" said the Toad.

"How about now?" asked Marth.

"I said No!" said the Toad angrily.

"Oh no, I'm becoming as psycho as Ike!" yelled Marth in horror.

Ike's grin turned to a frown.

_Pikachu  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 0_

"Pikachu you're so uncooperative!" said Ness, pouting.

Ness glared at Pikachu.

_Toon Link  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 10_

"Here, Ness, here's five." said Toon Link, handing Ness five unconscious moles.

"Wow, thanks Toon Link!" said Ness, smiling. "This is nice of you!"

"You're welcome." said Toon Link.

"This is very cooperative of you, Unlike _**some people**__ who are being uncooperative_!" said Ness angrily.

Ness attempted to push down Pikachu.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Completed Roadblock_

"Make your way to the throne room!" said Toon Link, reading from the clue.

"Let's go," said Jigglypuff. "We're about fifth or sixth!"

"We did good, helping Ness," said Toon Link, smiling.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Completed Roadblock_

"Make your way to the throne room!" read Ness, from the clue. "I can't believe how bad you were at the roadblock!"

"Sheesh," said Pikachu, rolling his eyes.

"Why can't you be more helpful?" asked Ness.

"You're too bossy!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Fine, let's just keep racing," said Ness angrily.

_Link  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 3_

"The kids have all finished the Roadblock!" said Link.

"How many do you have done?" asked Yoshi nervously.

"Three!" said Link.

"Two more then we're done!" said Yoshi. "Finish it up so we can hurry up and catch up!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"There it is!" said Fox excitedly, "There it is, the Peach's Castle!"

The Entrepreneurs ran inside and saw the Best Friends and Students entering the Castle, while Yoshi and Link stayed in the Garden, doing the roadblock.

"Look, it's a roadblock!" said Fox, "And the Lawyers are still there, the reliable old Lawyers who we can count on!"

"Yes, we're still in this!" said Wolf.

"You do the Roadblock!" said Fox, poking Wolf.

"Fine," said Wolf, ripping open the clue. "Who wants to fix up Peach's Garden?"

"I said you can do it," reminded Fox.

"Break a leg!" said Fox, calling after his partner.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Attempting Fast Forward_

"We now have some Tomato sauce!" said Lucario, showing the Tomato sauce.

"Good! Good, we're doing good!" said Mewtwo. "Only the Bread, Strawberries and crack are left!"

"The hard part is the crack," said Lucario. "We have to find just the right dealer, and then..."

"It doesn't matter, focus on the other two things!" said Mewtwo.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Make your way to Peach's room, where teams can find their next clue!" read Roy.

"We're leading the pack!" said Snake excitedly.

"There's little time, hurry, the other teams are nearly done!" said Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"There go the Father and Son!" said Falcon, "This calls for..."

"FRAT SPEEDTHROUGH!" said Falcon and Ganondorf.

They started to mop and dust twice as fast.

"I think we're done!" said Ganondorf.

_Marth and Ike_

"All you did was push the dust onto our side!" said Marth angrily.

"Is that even allowed?" asked Ike.

"Actually, yes!" laughed the Toad.

"Errrgh," said Marth angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Hurry, hurry!" yelled Jigglypuff, waddling forward.

"What's the rush?" asked Toon Link. "Ness and Pikachu like us now!"

"Yes, but they're gonna pass us!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Calm down!" said Toon Link angrily.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're now friends with Toon Link!" said Ness, smiling.

"Whatever," said Pikachu angrily. "...Wait, what about Jigglypuff?"

"What about Jigglypuff?" asked Ness.

"Don't you mean Toon Link _and_ Jigglypuff?" asked Pikachu.

"No! Jigglypuff's mocked me too! So has the swordsmen, and the Flight Attendants!" said Ness.

"Fine, it doesn't matter, just keep up with them!" said Pikachu angrily.

_Link  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 4_

"Dang, the Entrepreneurs have caught up," said Link angrily.

"Finish it up, you have one left!" said Yoshi.

"We're about seventh, we can still catch up!" said Link.

_Wolf  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 1_

"We have one, and we're catching up to the Lawyers!" said Wolf.

"Wow, we can still make this!" said Fox.

"I don't want to be eliminated," said Wolf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Attempting Fast Forward_

"We have only the Bread is left!" said Mewtwo.

"There it is!" said Lucario, grabbing it.

They ran into the checkout aisle.

"We'd like to buy this," said Lucario.

"Say, you wouldn't happen to sell crack, would you?" asked Mewtwo.

They were promptly kicked out.

"Sad face," said Mewtwo.

With the food.

"Yay!1" said Mewtwo and Lucario.

"Now, to find a drug dealer!" said Mewtwo. "Where shall we find a drug dealer?"

"Best Fast Forward ever!" said Lucario, smiling.

"Let's go into an alleyway!" said Mewtwo, "Don't crack dealers stay in alleyways?"

"Let's go into one then!" said Lucario.

They ran down an alleyway.

Suddenly, they were surrounded by muggers.

"This is not good!" said Mewtwo, frowning.

"You think??" said Lucario, slapping Mewtwo.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We made it," said Roy, walking inside Peach's Chamber.

"There's the Clue box!" said Snake, pointing.

"That's Princess Peach," explained Roy.

"Oh, did I win?" asked Peach, smiling.

Snake gingerly put Peach down and grabbed a clue.

He ripped it open and read,

"Detour, Kidnap or Rescue?" read Snake dramatically.

_"In Kidnap, teams must quickly kidnap a Peach doll and outrun and outmaneuver Mario and Luigi, make it inside Bowser's Castle and make it safely to Bowser's private Quarters! Every time a team fails, they can re-try, and get a three second head start, adding three more seconds every attempt. Once teams have done this, they will receive their next clue!"_

_"In Rescue, teams must quickly go to the Evil Bowser's Private Quarters and successfully escort these Peach dolls outside of Bowser's Castle! However, Bowser's baddies will try to stop you, and there are multiple traps also! If teams' Peach doll is ruined, they must start over, from Bowser's Private Quarters. Once they have done this, they will receive their next clue!"_

"I say....hm, what do you think, Snake?" asked Roy.

"I say Kidnap!" cackled Snake. "That seems more fun!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Make your way to Peach's Private Chambers!" read Falcon.

"We're one of the pack leaders!" said Ganondorf excitedly.

"We are doing great this leg!" grinned Falcon, "I bet we can be third or fourth!"

_Marth and Ike_

"That's not fair, they can't get away with that!" said Ike angrily.

"They get to push dust onto our side?" asked Marth.

They saw Toon Link and Jigglypuff start.

"I have an idea," said Marth evilly.

"Take this, you stupid Students!" said Ike, shoving the dust remaining onto the Students' side.

"Waah!" cried Jigglypuff, "What meanies!"

"Well uh, we didn't mean to...um...yeah...sorry..." said Ike, sheepishly.

He timidly put the dust back on their side.

"Here's your clue!" said the instructor.

"What??" screamed Ike and Marth angrily.

"I only took back a tiny bit!" said Ike.

"Make your way to Peach's Chamber!" said Jigglypuff aloud.

"Give me that!" yelled Ike angrily, stealing a clue from the worker.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Make your way to Peach's chamber!" read Marth.

"We have to beat those stupid kids there!" said Ike.

"I know! Quit reminding me!" said Marth, furious.

"We're really pissed about those kids doing that to us!" said Ike, ripping out hair.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Wait for us, Toon Link!" smiled Ness, "Toon Link, my friend, nice person, my compadre!"

Toon Link sighed and stood there.

Marth and Ike passed the Students, cackling.

"Can you hurry, we need to make the upcoming race to the pit stop epic," explained Toon Link.

"Sure!" said Ness, dusting with all speed.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We're done!" said Link, running ahead.

"We need to go to Peach's Throne Room!" said Yoshi, explaining as they ran along.

"We're barely ahead of the Entrepreneurs, we have to hurry!" yelled Link, panicking. "We must not get last or seventh!"

_Wolf  
On Roadblock  
Monty Moles: 3_

"Three, we need two!" screamed Fox.

"I know!" yelled Wolf.

"Two, we're more than halfway through!" screamed Fox.

"I know!" yelled Wolf.

"We're just behind the Lawyers!" screamed Fox.

"I KNOW!" yelled Wolf.

Wolf slapped Fox.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Attempting Fast Forward_

"Well," said Mewtwo, with bruises, "We only have to ask one of these muggers where the crack is!"

"You heard him, where does one go to get crack?" asked Lucario, sporting his fist.

"Okay, we get it from this joint," explained the mugger, "It's called the 64 Bar!"

"Give us directions," said Lucario threateningly, raising his fist, "Now."

"Okay, okay! Here, let me draw it!" said the mugger, "Give me a pen!"

Mewtwo handed him a pen and a napkin.

The mugger scribbled down the layout of the city, and showed a quick route.

"You can go now!" said Lucario, letting him go.

"Let's go," said Mewtwo, holding up the directions on the napkin.

_Roy and Snake  
On Kidnap_

"Where's our life-sized Peach doll?" asked Roy.

The Toad instructor handed them one.

"Thanks," said Snake.

They walked out onto the field.

"Let's start," said Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're taking the lead!" said Ganondorf, grinning.

"Detour!" said Falcon, "Kidnap or Rescue?"

"I say Rescue," said Ganondorf.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We can beat the kids, let's hurry!" said Ike.

"Yes, we can beat them for once and laugh in their faces!" said Marth.

"I sure am enjoying this leg!" said Ike.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We can't wait anymore," explained Toon Link, "Let's leave!"

"Okay, so long and beat those rotten swordsmen!" smiled Ness, waving.

"Um, okay, bye." said Toon Link, waving back.

The two students walked off out of Peach's Chamber.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Boy, Toon Link sure is a nice friend!" smiled Ness.

Ness turned to Pikachu angrily,

"Unlike some little Pikachus who don't help!" said Ness angrily.

Pikachu ignored him.

"Yeah, yeah that's right, pretend to not hear," said Ness angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We're here," said Yoshi happily.

"We have to clean up!" said Link. "Here, you sweep and I dust!"

"Okay, I'll mop!" said Yoshi.

"I said sweep!" said Link angrily.

"There is no sweep!" said Yoshi.

"Oh," said Link.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way to Peach's Throne Room." read Wolf.

"Let's catch up and stay in the race!" said Fox dramatically.

"We can't lose now, not after coming so far!" said Wolf, desperate.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Attempting Fast Forward_

"This is it!" said Lucario, walking inside the bar.

They approached the bartender, whose back was to them.

"Excuse me sir, but would you mind serving us some...some uh..." said Lucario, losing train of thought.

The bartender turned around, making Lucario gasp.

"Victor!" said Lucario.

"Lucario!" said Victor.

"Mewtwo!" said Mewtwo.

They glared angrily at Mewtwo.

"What?" asked Mewtwo innocently.

"What are you doing here?" asked Lucario.

"I...work here," explained Victor sheepishly.

"I haven't seen you in months!" said Lucario, "You should have told me you worked here now!"

"I'm uh, kind of low on budget..." explained Victor.

"So much so that you couldn't even pay to call?" asked Lucario. "The Phone booths are only a dollar!"

"As I said, I'm _really_ low on money," explained Victor.

"Oh," said Lucario. "Well, why don't you...you..."

Victor noticed the camera.

"Are you on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race?" asked Victor angrily.

"Yes," said Lucario.

"Lucky duck," grumbled Victor. "Two seasons in a row..."

"Anyways, we need some crack," explained Mewtwo.

"Wow Lucario, your senileness must go to your head," smirked Victor.

"Shut up and give me some crack!" said Lucario angrily.

"Fine," said Victor, sighing and going inside a room.

The Twin Brothers waited a while, then Victor came out with some packets.

"Here, Weed, Crack, you name it, it's in the bundle," explained Victor.

"What's this drug, 'TBSAR'?" asked Lucario, perplexed.

"Oh, heh heh, save that one for when you really need it," said Victor, "That one is actually very valuable!"

"What does it do?" asked Lucario.

"Well uh, I can't say, exactly, only that the effects are catastrophic..." said Victor. "Only use it when you're going to lose soon, or something."

"There's only five?" asked Lucario.

"Yeah, as I said, very rare." said Victor. "So um, what's this for, anyways?"

"The Fast Forward!" said Mewtwo, staring at Victor creepily.

"Well, uh, good luck, I guess?" said Victor. "Oh, and if you see Quinn, tell him I said hi."

"Okay," said Lucario, putting the drugs in the backpack and starting to walk off.

"Hey!" said Victor angrily, "You have to pay!"

"What, no free of charge?" asked Lucario.

"No!" said Victor angrily.

"Fine!" said Lucario, laying down 151 dollars.

"You still owe me...14 dollars!" said Victor, counting up the totals.

"Screw that!" said Lucario, running off.

Victor watched Lucario go. He turned to see Mewtwo still staring at him.

"Uh...your brother just left you, you know that, right?" asked Victor.

"Huh? Oh yeah!" said Mewtwo, running off.

Victor waited a minute, then dialed the Police.

"Hello, police?" asked Victor, "I wanted just wanted to report....arson!"

Victor saw Wario burning down a building next door.

the Laugh Track played, and the random audience applauded.

_Roy and Snake  
On Kidnap_

"This is fun!" cackled Snake, running with the doll Peach strapped to him.

He dodged an oncoming fireball and hopped over Mario.

"Come-a back here!" said Luigi.

"Never!" said Snake, running towards Bowser's Castle.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Rescue_

The two Frat Boys jogged towards Bowser's Castle to perform their part of the detour.

"We're almost there!" said Falcon, sprinting.

Ganondorf lagged behind by ten feet.

"Come on, Show me ya speed!" said Falcon.

Ganondorf gave Falcon a Speed packet.

"Not the drug, the motion!" said Falcon angrily.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Detour!" read Marth, "Kidnap or Rescue?"

"Kidnap!" said Ike, "I think we're fast!"

"Good, we can run fairly well," said Marth.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Detour!" read Jigglypuff, "Kidnap or Rescue?"

"Kidnap, we're tiny!" said Jigglypuff.

"I think the Swordsmen also picked the Kidnap side of the detour!" explained Toon Link, running towards the Peach dummies.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're still dusting," explained Ness, "Because Pikachu _refuses _to help!"

"Shut up, you're so mean and bossy!" yelled Pikachu.

"Alright, alright calm down!" said Ness, "The Lawyers are here so let's just hurry through!"

_Link and Yoshi_

"Okay, we need to stay ahead of those kids," explained Yoshi, "They must be sixth!"

"We cannot afford another second-last!" said Link, panicking.

"I'm afraid to be eliminated in this somewhat early stage!" said Link, panicking.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We have to beat the lawyers to the pit stop!" said a hyperventilating Fox, "This cannot be happening to us!"

"I can't handle the extreme pressure," said Wolf, "With the epicness of this leg being so tense, and you being so...nagging!"

"Be that way!" said Fox, pouting.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Attempting Fast Forward  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We have to head to Bowser's castle now," explained Mewtwo eagerly, "We are just about done with this Fast Forward!"

"I wanna be first," said Lucario, frowning.

"Then come on, we have to go to Bowser's Castle now!" said Mewtwo, "We might not get first if we dawdle!"

"Fine, let's take a taxi!" said Lucario, flagging down a taxi while talking.

_Roy and Snake  
On Kidnap_

"We're almost there!" said Roy dramatically.

They ran past a fierce looking Mario and ran inside.

"We made it!" said Snake, happily.

They noticed a guard there.

"Are we done?" asked Snake, grinning.

"Follow the markers," explained the Koopa.

Snake frowned.

He pulled out a gun.

The Koopa quickly handed out a map.

"Thanks!" said Snake, putting away the gun.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Rescue_

"We're here," said Falcon, walking inside.

"Where do we go?" asked Ganondorf, seeing Roy and Snake run off to one place.

"Go to Bowser's Private Chambers!" explained the Koopa who was visibly distraught by Snake's holdup.

The Koopa cowered in the corner.

"It's so cute!" said Falcon, petting the Koopa.

"Uh...it can understand you," explained Ganondorf, disturbed.

_Marth and Ike  
On Kidnap_

"Move, move, move, soldier!" barked Ike, ushering Marth along.

"Why aren't you helping??" asked Marth angrily, struggling with the weight.

"It doesn't matter, I'm the leader of the team!" said Ike.

"There is no leader, man!" said Marth, collapsing, being crushed.

Ike lifted the Peach doll with one hand.

"...And what does this prove?" smiled Ike, chuckling.

"Nothing!" said Marth angrily, lifting himself up.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Kidnap_

"Quick, do what we planned!" whispered Toon Link urgently.

"Oh, I'm hurt! Will someone please not capture us whilst we try to do this task?" cried Jigglypuff.

"They're-a so cute!" said Mario, "Let's-a go for the swordsmen!"

Mario and Luigi ran past the students, going for Marth and Ike instead.

"Curses!" yelled Ike, running twice as fast.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Come on, we're done dusting!" said Ness. "We can't lose to those Lawyers!"

"They're almost done, come on!" said Pikachu, horrified.

"There's still the Entrepreneurs, too!" grinned Ness stupidly.

_Link and Yoshi_

"We are just about done dusting, maybe we can beat the kid there!" said Link.

"Well we sense the footrace once again!" said Yoshi, feeling the epic tenseness.

"I wanna stay in the race!" said Link.

_Fox and Wolf_

"It's official, we're racing to not be eliminated!" said Wolf, "We can't lose to those Lawyers!"

"Man, I can't go out this fast!" said Fox, stressed.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Completed Fast Forward_

"Here!" said Lucario, "All seven items!"

He handed the grocery items to Bowser and grinned.

"Wow, even the crack!" said Bowser, amazed. "You must have known a drug dealer here beforehand!"

"Eh, I guess you could say that..." said Lucario, "Now where's our pit stop clue?"

"Here," said Bowser, handing it to him.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Make your way to the Pit stop, Bowser's Childhood Room!" read Lucario.

_"For completing the Fast Forward, Mewtwo and Lucario may go directly to the pit stop, Bowser's Childhood room!" said Koopa._

"Let's go, the room is just a few rooms from here!" said Lucario.

"But where is it??" panicked Mewtwo.

_Five minutes later..._

"There it is!" said Lucario, waddling onto the mat.

Mewtwo ran in shortly after, and grinned.

Koopa looked surprised.

"Team Mewtwo and Lucario, you're team number one!" said Koopa.

"We took the Fast Forward!" explained Mewtwo, grinning from ear to ear.

"I see...Your prize is your own separate Motorbikes!" said Koopa.

"Yes!" cheered Lucario and Mewtwo, high fiving.

"We worked together, and we managed to win the leg!" said Mewtwo.

"I guess we can win the race if we focus!" mused Lucario to himself, rubbing his chin.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Thanks!" smiled Roy, accepting the clue from the Koopa.

"Here's the doll," said Snake, giving the Koopa the head.

"The body, Snake?" asked Roy angrily.

"We had to...lighten the load...on the way over..." said Snake shiftily.

"Good enough," shrugged the Koopa.

Roy ripped open the clue.

"Make your way to the pit Stop, Bowser's childhood Room!" read Roy.

_"__Teams must now make their way to Bowser's Childhood Room, a playpen where Bowser's Private playground is! This is where the fourth of eleven pit stops in this race around the world!" said Koopa Troopa. "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, __**may**__ be eliminated."_

"We're obviously second, and the teams won't hate us for coming in second," said Roy, smiling, "So we're safe!"

"Let's go and claim second!" said Roy and Snake in unison, running up some stairs.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Rescue_

"Here's our Peach dummy!" said Ganondorf, walking up to the Koopa as Roy and Snake walked off.

"How can you tell the difference between the real Peach and a Dummy?" asked Falcon.

"I dunno, how?" asked Ganondorf.

"There is no difference!" said Falcon.

The laugh track played.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Kidnap_

"Hee hee, we got the swordsmen to be forced out," giggled Jigglypuff.

"They already hated us, so it doesn't matter..." said Toon Link.

"Yeah," agreed Jigglypuff, she and Toon Link holding up the dummy, walking towards the Bowser's Castle.

"I bet they really hate us now!" said Toon Link.

_Marth and Ike  
On Kidnap_

"We have to start all over!" said Ike angrily.

"This sucks, why do they do this to us?" asked Marth.

"Because they hate us!" said Ike. "I hate them so much now!"

They walked back towards Peach's Castle.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Where is that room?" asked Ness angrily, looking around.

"We can't get lost now!" said Pikachu.

"Pikachu, I'm sorry for yelling at you," said Ness.

"I'll forgive you at the Pit Stop." said Pikachu.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We're almost there!" said Yoshi desperately, "We can't lose after barely making it this far!"

"I know I don't go out!" cried Link.

"I hope the Besties didn't get off far..." said Yoshi.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're finishing the Dusting task the same time as the Lawyers!" said Wolf, looking hopeful.

"We are caught up! We just need to edge them out before they beat us!" said Fox.

"I think we can do it, don't stop running!" screamed Wolf, jogging.

_Roy and Snake_

"Where is the mat?" asked Roy.

They saw Bowser.

"Hey, where's the Pit stop?" asked Snake.

"Whoa, I didn't expect another team to appear that fast!" said Bowser, surprised.

"Good, they're there already!" said Roy.

"That way, it's in my Old Play pen room!" explained Bowser, pointing to one side.

"Okay, we're nearly there!" said Snake, jogging again.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Rescue_

"We chose the task that takes longer to get to," explained Ganondorf, "But that's probably because the Pit stop is somewhere around here!"

"Yeah, we rule!" said Falcon, pumping his fist in the air.

"There's little time, we gotta beat the others!" said Ganondorf.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Kidnap_

"We're inside!" said Jigglypuff, noticing the doors closing behind the Plumbers.

"We rock!" said Toon Link, dragging the Peach doll along the marked trail.

"We're one of the first teams!" said Jigglypuff, "I bet we're even second!"

_Marth and Ike  
On Kidnap  
2nd Attempt_

"We're about to start our second attempt!" said Marth, "We wanna get back in the top five like the first two legs!"

"We still have the besties and the Lawyers behind!" said Ike.

"I hope they don't get ahead..." said Marth.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Here it is!" said Ness, running inside the room.

He took it out of the clue box and ripped it open.

"Detour!" said Ness excitedly, "Kidnap or Rescue?"

"I say Kidnap, We are really tiny!" said Pikachu.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 7th Place_

"We finally passed the Lawyers!" said Wolf, running into one room.

"We just need to find the next clue before them!" said Fox.

"The kids ran into that room way down there, let's try that room!" said Wolf.

The two Entrepreneurs jogged down the hall.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're last!" said Yoshi, bursting into tears.

"We can't quit now!" said Link, through gritted teeth.

They followed the Entrepreneurs down the hall.

_Roy and Snake  
2nd to Arrive to Pit Stop_

"There it is!" said Roy, pointing.

He ran onto the mat.

"In here, Snake!" said Roy, shouting.

Snake ran into the room, covered in blood.

"I killed all the witnesses," said Snake, cackling.

"What witnesses?" asked Roy.

"Everyone who saw us on the way over here!" said Snake, stepping onto the mat.

"Team Roy and Snake, you're team number two," said Koopa Troopa.

"Snake, you don't have to do that when you're not performing a spy mission!" said Roy angrily.

"You do not want our enemies to know where the pit stop, is, right?" asked Snake.

"Um, If I may..." said Koopa. "Killing people causes a penalty, what's this about killing people?"

"I was talking about a game, silly Host," said Snake, pinching Koopa's cheeks.

Koopa and Roy stared angrily at Snake.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way to the Pit Stop, Bowser's Childhood Room!" read Jigglypuff out loud, smiling.

"Come on, we got to beat the Swordsmen there!" said Toon Link.

"What about our mortal enemies, the Entrepreneurs?" asked Jigglypuff, frowning.

"FORGET THE ENTREPRENEURS!" screamed Toon Link, running up the stairs.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Rescue_

"We're leading our doll out!" said Ganondorf, holding the Peach doll.

Falcon lead the team, fending off the attackers.

"Frat power!" said Falcon, knocking a Koopa guard unconscious.

"We are really going through fast!" said Ganondorf, feeling relief.

_Marth and Ike  
On Kidnap  
2nd Attempt_

"We're off!" said Ike.

"Look, it's Bowser, kidnapping the real Peach!" said Marth, pointing behind the Mario brothers.

"Yeah right, we're not falling for-a that!" laughed Mario, still chasing them.

Behind him, Bowser was tying Peach up.

"We're actually not lying! Look behind you!" said Marth.

"Stop trying, you guys!" said Mario.

Bowser tied Peach up.

"Dude! Seriously! Look behind you!" said Marth.

Luigi turned around.

Bowser started the engine to the SUV he had.

"Dude, he's gonna get away!" said Marth, pointing.

"They're not lying!" said Luigi, tugging on Mario's shirt.

"They bribed you to help them finish the-a detour!" said Mario angrily.

Bowser put Peach in the trunk and hopped in the car, driving off.

"Dude!" said Marth angrily.

"Oh no! They really weren't lying!" said Mario, shocked.

Mario and Luigi chased after the SUV.

"Yes!" said Marth and Ike, running freely towards Bowser's Castle.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Kidnap_

"We hitched a ride in Bowser's SUV!" said Ness, smiling as the car drove them towards the Castle.

"Really, this is Bowser's smartest attempt yet, better than sending his kids to stuff her in a cake and run!" said Pikachu.

"Bowser just did it the old fashioned way!" said Ness, "And we helped!"

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in 7th Place_

"Detour!" read Fox, "Kidnap or Rescue?"

"Rescue, if we have to go there to do this task, obviously the pit stop's there!" said Wolf.

"Yeah, it'll be easier!" said Fox.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Detour!" read Link, "Kidnap or Rescue?"

"Rescue, we need to follow Fox and Wolf!" said Yoshi.

"Let's go get them!" said Link.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Arrived to Pit Stop_

"Where is it?" asked Jigglypuff, sobbing.

"You're standing on it," said Toon Link.

"Standing on what?" asked Jigglypuff angrily.

"The mat you've been standing on for the last five minutes," said Toon Link angrily.

"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you're team number three!" said Koopa.

"Oh!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Rescue_

"We're almost out, we just have a little bit more!" said Ganondorf, pointing ahead.

"We rock! We owned the task!" said Falcon, dashing forward towards the Main Castle Gates.

"I think we're third!" said Ganondorf, eagerly.

"I think there's a team I hear!" said Falcon, listening something.

_Marth and Ike  
On Kidnap  
2nd Attempt_

"We're almost there!" said Marth, dashing towards the Gates.

"I know it's almost done, I think we can get third!" said Ike.

"I wanna be second, maybe third if we're slow enough!" said Marth.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Kidnap_

"It's Peach!" said Ness, seeing Peach tied up.

"I guess we don't need this anymore!" said Ness, throwing the dummy off the SUV.

It hit Mario, who tripped onto Luigi.

"Success!" said Ness, high fiving Pikachu.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Kidnap_

"We have little time to do this!" said Wolf.

"I know, Mario and Luigi are too busy!" said Fox.

"No we're-a not!" said Luigi, getting up.

Mario and Luigi had landed in front of them.

"Crap!" said Wolf, as he and Fox got Mario owned.

_Link and Yoshi  
On Kidnap_

"We're speedy now, because of all those tough footraces, they've strengthened us!" said Yoshi, with the doll strapped to his back as he sped past a beaten up Fox and Wolf, "And, I've unwillingly helped Bowser before, also!"

"Go Yoshi!" said Link as he lagged 30 yards behind.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Rescue_

"Go! Go!" said Falcon, speeding forward.

"Almost out!" said Ganondorf, charging towards the opening gates.

_Marth and Ike  
On Kidnap  
2nd Attempt_

"There's the gates!" said Marth, smiling, jogging.

"Just a little more!" said Ike, jogging towards the gates.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Marth and Ike_

The two teams collided.

"Yikes, a team!" said Falcon, falling down.

Ganondorf punched Ike and threw the Peach doll at the Koopa, and took the Clue.

"Hey! Get back here!" said Marth, slipping and falling.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Bowser's Childhood room!" read Ganondorf aloud.

"Quick, let's run there!" said Falcon, getting up and avoiding the Swordsmen.

"It's a footrace!" said Ganondorf, seeing the swordsmen pick up a clue from the now cowering Koopa.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"Pit stop, Bowser's Childhood room!" yelled Ike, following the Frats back inside the Castle.

"Don't lose them!" screamed Marth, running past the gates.

"I think we're two of the first teams!" said Ike, running ahead of Marth.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Kidnap_

"We must be here!" said Ness, seeing as Bowser drove into a secret tunnel.

It drove into the parking lot, and Bowser stuck in a quarter.

"Bowser has to pay to park in his Castle?" said Ness, confused.

"Stranger things have happened," whispered Pikachu back.

They followed Bowser out of the Basement room.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Make your way to the Pit stop, Bowser's Childhood room!" read Yoshi.

"This was easy, because Fox and Wolf were our scapegoats!" said Link, winking at the camera.

"I think we're seventh, hurry!" yelled Yoshi, urging Link towards the inside.

_Fox and Wolf  
On Kidnap  
2nd Attempt_

"Man, we lost, so we have to start over!" complained Fox.

"There's still a chance, come on and rush back to the start line." said Wolf.

"Fine!" said Fox. "I think we're still in this!"

_At the Pit Stop_

Falcon ran into Bowser's Private Quarters.

"Where's the mat?" asked Falcon, confused.

"Go to it!" whispered a voice to someone from another room.

"Sheesh, okay," said the other voice.

Victor Fox walked in, wearing a mustache.

"Hey, buddy, wanna buy crack?" asked Victor, in a terrible Welsh accent.

"Sure!" said Falcon.

"Don't listen to his temptation!" said Ganondorf, running in.

"Good sir, I run an honest business," explained Victor.

Ganondorf ripped off his mustache.

"Curses, I've been revealed!" said Victor, jumping out the window and falling four-stories down.

Falcon and Ganondorf ran into the other room and saw the mat.

Marth ran by and pushed Ganondorf down.

"We're the ones to get there first!" said Marth, running past the Frats.

He landed onto the mat, smiling.

Ike tried to run by, but Ganondorf yanked him by his cape.

Ike fell, and Ganondorf stood up.

Falcon ran onto the mat.

Ike punched Falcon off.

Ike ran towards the mat, but he got shot in the leg.

Marth grumbled started complaining to Koopa if that was allowed.

Koopa did an over-exaggerated eye roll.

Falcon and Marth fell onto one another and knocked off the mat.

Ike jumped onto the mat, and Marth touched the mat quickly.

"Team Marth and Ike, you're team number..." said Koopa, "...four!"

"What?!" asked Marth and Ike angrily, "Four?"

Falcon and Ganondorf gingerly touched the mat.

"Team Falcon and Ganondorf, you're team number five!" said Koopa.

"I thought we were second or third!" said Ike angrily.

"Yeah, well, you're fourth," said Koopa. "It's better than not racing at all!"

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

The Lawyers ran up a pair of stairs.

"We think we know the way, because Yoshi's been here before!" said Link proudly.

"Well, it's not that important," said Yoshi modestly, stuttering.

"Come on, we can still stay in!" said Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friends_

"Follow him, he'll lead us to the Pit stop!" said Ness.

"I think we're one of the middle packers," said Pikachu, trying to keep up.

"It's getting to the point where we should hurry to the mat," said Ness.

_Fox and Wolf  
Completed Detour_

"Make your way to the Pit Stop," read Fox, rubbing his bruises.

"Let's go and beat the Lawyers, we have some time!" said Wolf.

"It's going to be a footrace!" said Fox. "I just know it!"

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're almost there," said Yoshi, running up the stairs.

"It looks like we're definitely not gonna be eliminated!" said Link.

"Get ready to run!" said Yoshi, mentally preparing himself.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 7th Place_

"I think he's leading us there!" said Ness.

"Yeah, assuming his Private Childhood room is somehow in his kitchen," said Pikachu.

They continued to watch Bowser eat a sandwich.

_Fox and Wolf  
Currently in Last Place_

"There's still time!" said Wolf, running inside the Private Quarters room.

"We're almost there, I bet!" said Fox.

High-pitched string music played, and the camera zoomed in on the room they had passed, with Koopa and the Pit stop on it.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

They ran by the Entrepreneurs and ran into Bowser's Private Quarters.

They silently snuck into the Playground, and saw the mat.

The two snickered at Fox and Wolf's loss, and dashed onto the mat to ensure safety.

"Team Link and Yoshi, you're team number...six!" said Koopa Troopa, smiling.

"What? Really?" asked Link, surprised.

"We're not second-last for once!" cheered Yoshi, sitting down.

_Link and Yoshi  
After-leg interview_

"We're proud to have gotten sixth out of eight teams," said Yoshi, "If we can just keep pushing on, maybe we can win that million dollars!"

"We're positive we're going to be in the race for a little longer!" said Link, grinning.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Sir, can you lead us to the Pit stop?" asked Ness, giving a cute face to Bowser.

Bowser just stared for a moment.

"Uh...okay...?" said Bowser. "Waiter, lead these two to the Pit stop!"

A Koopa with a bad tuxedo walked up and gestured the two Best Friends to follow.

_Fox and Wolf_

"I think we need to go back into that room!" said Fox, running back into Bowser's Quarters.

"Look around, maybe there's a secret entryway!" said Wolf, searching around.

"Where can it be??" asked Fox, in horror.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Right this way," said the Koopa.

"Nice suit, where'd you get it?" asked Ness, chuckling.

"Sir, I can leave you to wander forever in this castle if I hear one more comment about my poor dressing habits!" said the Koopa waiter angrily.

They ran up more stairs, and headed down the Hall where the pit stop was.

_Fox and Wolf_

"There's the mat!" said Fox, pointing to the room with Koopa.

"Run!" said Wolf, sprinting.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"I hear voices!" yelled Ness, "Come on!"

The three of them ran inside the Quarters to find Fox and Wolf running towards the mat.

"NESS! YOUR YOYO!" said Pikachu.

Ness threw his Yo-yo, which successfully put Fox and Wolf back to back, tied up.

"And we were so close!" whined Fox, noticing they were standing one yard from the Pit Stop.

"Lean over!" said Wolf angrily, pushing his weight.

"But...but we'll ruin my beautiful makeup!" sobbed Fox.

"Wouldn't you want to stay in the race?" asked Wolf, angrily.

"We have it in the bag!" laughed Pikachu.

Ness tossed Pikachu into the mat.

"Okay, let me just walk to the mat holding my lucky sharp scissors in one hand!" grinned Ness, taking out scissors and walking towards the mat.

"Oops!" said Ness, tripping.

His scissors came in contact with the Yo-yo ropes, releasing Fox and Wolf.

"You idiot!" screamed Pikachu.

Fox tripped over Ness, and landed face-first in front of the mat.

Wolf touched the mat.

Ness grabbed Fox and PK Fired him.

Ness ran towards the mat.

Wolf knocked off Pikachu the stuffed animal.

Ness ran onto the mat.

"Help me!" said Pikachu.

Ness reached to get Pikachu.

Fox reached to touch the mat.

Ness put Pikachu on the mat.

"Team Ness and Pikachu, you're team number seven," said Koopa Troopa.

"Yes!" said Ness and Pikachu.

"And Fox and Wolf, you're the last team to arrive," said Koopa.

Fox and Wolf angrily stared.

"...And, I'm sorry to say, you're eliminated from the race!"

"We did better than three other teams," lamented Wolf.

"I hate this! We got eighth for an overall place!" pouted Fox.

"We're still in!" said Ness and Pikachu, high fiving. "Better luck next time, guys!"

Fox started bursting into tears.

"There is no next time!" cried Fox.

Victor Fox ran in.

"Not for me there isn't!" yelled Victor.

Victor ran out.

Koopa, Wolf, Ness, Fox and Pikachu stared.

**Finish Times: **

Mewtwo and Lucario: 3:46 AM

Roy and Snake: 4:16 AM

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 4:35 AM

Marth and Ike: 4:41 AM

Falcon and Ganondorf: 4:42 AM

Link and Yoshi: 4:57 AM

Ness and Pikachu: 5:05 AM

**Fox and Wolf: 5:06 AM - Eliminated **

Thank you for reading! When you review (Assuming you do (Please do so)), tell me your favorites, who you hated, who you want to see win the race, who you _think_ will win the race and who you want eliminated next leg!


	5. I'm Having a Worser Day Than You!

"Last time, On The Extra Smashy Amazing Race, eight teams went from Tallon IV to Mushroom Kingdom," explained Koopa. "Once there, some teams had navigational problems!"

_"Darn, we missed the turn again..." said Falcon sheepishly, driving recklessly._

_"Darn it, this wasn't a good idea to follow the Frats!" whined Fox as they missed the turn that the Frats made._

"Team Ness and Pikachu got into a few arguments, bringing them down later in the leg!"

_"Okay, okay, you win!" whimpered Ness, the stuffed animal on top of him._

_"Dang it!" said Ness, kicking Pikachu, "You stupid Pikachu!"_

_"This is very cooperative of you, Unlike __**some people**__ who are being uncooperative__!" said Ness angrily._

_Ness attempted to push down Pikachu._

"Mewtwo and Lucario took the second Fast Forward in the race, this time succeeding and getting in first!"

_"Team Mewtwo and Lucario, you're team number one!" said Koopa._

"As a result by the Fast Forward's task, They met a familiar face at a downtown bar!"

_"Victor!" said Lucario._

_"What are you doing here?" asked Lucario.  
"I...work here," explained Victor sheepishly._

"Because of Lucario's being friends with the local drug dealer, it landed him in first!" said Koopa. "On the Detour, teams Marth and Ike & Falcon and Ganondorf battled it out! In the end, Marth and Ike got the better end!"

_"Team Marth and Ike, you're team number..." said Koopa, "...four!"_

"Team Link and Yoshi got sixth out of eight teams, the first time they didn't get second-last! And it came down to a two-way race between the Entrepreneurs and the Best Friends! But after a close call..."

_Ness threw his Yo-yo, which successfully put Fox and Wolf back to back, tied up._

_Ness tossed Pikachu into the mat._

_Ness reached to get Pikachu.  
Fox reached to touch the mat.  
Ness put Pikachu on the mat._

"...The Entrepreneurs were eliminated!"

_"We did better than three other teams," lamented Wolf._

"Seven Teams remain...who will be eliminated, next?" asked Koopa dramatically.

**The Teams (With Current Handicaps):**

Falcon and Ganondorf (_MY NAME IS GANONDURF YUK YUK_)

Marth and Ike (_We're extremely Bipolar, which may cause us to-HEY, GET AWAY FROM OUR FOOD YA SUNUVA BI-_)

Roy and Snake (_My son is extremely trigger happy, which has cost us a lot of money and time_)

Ness and Pikachu (_One of us is FREAKING UNCOOPERATIVE!1_)

Mewtwo and Lucario (_Mewtwo goes insane!_)

Link and Yoshi (_We have a bad placing resume, and we may not last much longer_)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (_The other teams are starting to dislike us, and we're low on money_)

"After arriving at the first pit stop, all teams have to undertake a mandatory rest period where they can sleep, eat, and mingle with the other teams!" said Koopa Troopa.

_"Say, Pikachu, you never answered me what it means when someone puts their middle finger in the air!" said Ness._

_"Uh...you'd be better off in the dark about that one," said Pikachu, shifting uneasily._

_"Hey, Frat guys, here's your bag!" said Toon Link, handing Ganondorf and Falcon their bag back._

_"Wow, thanks, we'd forgotten about this, thanks!" said Ganondorf._

_Later, Mewtwo used the TBSAR drug, with Falcon and Ganondorf also._

"Can team Mewtwo and Lucario keep their hard earned lead? Will the rivalry between the Students and Swordsmen become the downfall of one? And can Ness and Pikachu catch up with the other six teams and stay in the race, or will the Lawyers edge them out too?" said Koopa.

"Team Mewtwo and Lucario, who were first to arrive at 3:46 AM, shall depart at 3:46 PM!" said Koopa Troopa.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
1st to Depart; 3:46 PM_

"We're low on money, as a result from the Fast Forward last leg," said Lucario, checking their money.

"You know, I don't feel any different from the dru-" said Mewtwo before Lucario interrupted him.

"What drug?!" asked Lucario.

Mewtwo instantly got buffer and more muscular, and he transformed into TBSAR Mewtwo.

"...This isn't gonna turn out good, is it?" asked Lucario, taking a few steps back.

_Five minutes later..._

"Oh god," moaned Lucario, bruised and beaten.

"Make your way to the local airport and collect tickets for two to Corneria!" read the now sadistic Mewtwo, sharpening a curved blade.

_"Teams must now book tickets to Corneria!" Said Koopa, "There are three flights, 4:30, 4:45 and 7:00! Only two teams are allowed on the first flight!"_

"We have little time, move," ordered Mewtwo, throwing a blade in Lucario's back.

"I wonder how long the drug will take to wear off," mused Lucario, bleeding on the Pit stop mat.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Look, only one team can be on the flight with us!" smiled Lucario, nervously.

"Good, buy them," said Mewtwo menacingly, raising his hands as they glowed from the psychic.

"Uh, two tickets to the 4:30 flight!" stuttered Lucario, unused to the cruelty.

"Right-o, two tickets!" said the flight worker, smiling.

"Stop smiling," said Mewtwo, shooting the worker's arm.

The Worker whimpered and gave them the tickets.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
1st for 4:30 PM Flight_

"We're only fifteen minutes ahead of the other three teams, we'll have to move double time." said Mewtwo, allowing himself a small evil smile.

"Y-yeah, double time..." said Lucario, looking very terrified.

"Let's see, how did you treat me when we had Double time...." said Mewtwo, cackling as he got a whip out and brandished it, "Ah yes, you whipped me if I slowed my pace!"

Lucario whimpered and backed up.

_Roy and Snake  
2nd to Depart; 4:16 PM_

"We have to hurry, we can just barely make the first flight!" said Roy as he watched Snake put away the clue and jog forward.

"Taxi!" said Snake, waving an arm.

_Roy and Snake_

"4:24, hurry dad!" said Snake, running up to the desk.

"Two tickets to the 4:30 Flight!" gasped out Roy, and he breathed heavily.

"You're very lucky, we were about to close down the tickets for that!" said the female worker, smiling.

Roy took the tickets and smiled back.

_Roy and Snake  
Last for 4:30 PM Flight_

"Thank you! We have only 6 minutes to board!" said Roy as he ran towards the entrance for the plane.

"5 you mean!" corrected Snake as he ran past him.

"There, we can make it!" pointed Roy ahead. "Run, Snake!"

"Let us on that plane!" said Snake angrily, running into the entrance recklessly.

Roy followed, and they quickly took their seats.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"They made it, and I personally blame you," hissed Mewtwo, shooting Lucario in the hand.

"I uh, need to go to the bathroom..." said Lucario, standing up and walking towards the bathroom.

Mewtwo watched him.

Lucario passed the bathrooms and jumped out the emergency exit.

"..." said Mewtwo angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
3rd to Depart; 4:35 PM _

"Go to the airport and book tickets on one of three flights to Corneria!" read Jigglypuff, beaming happily.

"I'm glad some of the teams now like us," said Toon Link. "That'll come in handy when we get further in the race and a U-turn comes up!"

"We're so popular!" said Jigglypuff.

She was run over by a taxi.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Pre-Leg Interview_

"We think ourselves as the cute kid team for the season," explained Toon Link. "We're trying to prove we're not bad or anything like that by returning Falcon's handbag for example!"

"It's a satchel, not a handbag!" yelled Falcon angrily, running in and punching Toon Link.

Jigglypuff and the cameraman watched.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
1st for 4:45 PM Flight_

"Thanks!" said Toon Link, taking the tickets and walking away.

"We had to beg for tickets, but because we're so cute, we got away with getting tickets!" said Jigglypuff.

"We have only 34 dollars for the leg, and we're using it for the taxis. So we're using our taxi only when we need it!" said Toon Link.

_Marth and Ike  
4th to Depart; 4:41 PM_

"Buy two tickets to Corneria!" read Marth, "There are only three flights!"

"The first one's gone, we can only make the second!" replied Ike, counting the money. "34 dollars for this leg of the race!"

"We have wisely rationed money, so we're not worried!" smiled Marth.

"The Students apparently have no money left besides the 34 dollars," cackled Ike, "Sweet revenge!"

"I know, we can maybe pass those kids and get an alliance or something..." mused Marth, rubbing his chin as he and Ike hopped inside a taxi.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
5th to Depart; 4:42 PM_

"Buy two tickets to Corneria! There are only Three flights!" read Falcon.

"Wait...if the drug was supposed to do something to all three of us, what will it do to us?" asked Ganondorf.

Then the drug took effect.

"I SEE DEAD PEEEPLE" screamed Falcon, his pupils growing bigger in size.

"OM NOM NOM NOM" said Ganondorf, jumping into a taxi and throwing weed packets at the taxi driver, "TAKE US TO THE AIRPORT OR WE WILL TELL ON YOU"

The taxi driver stared angrily at Ganondorf.

"OMG YOU LOOK LIKE UR MAD" said Ganondorf.

The Taxi driver stared angrily at Ganondorf.

"SRSLY UR CREEPING ME OUT" said Ganondorf.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Let's see if the Frats wanna be our partners!" smiled Marth.

"I thought we were gonna work independent!" said Ike angrily.

"Hey Frat boys!" called out Marth.

"HI THERE I AM GANONDORF WHAT IS UR NAME" said Ganondorf, hitting Marth in the face with the bat.

"I THINK HE LIEKS IT" said Falcon, also hitting Marth with a bat. "SEE HE DOES"

Marth bled all over Ike.

"We're working solo," sighed Ike, wiping the blood off.

_Marth and Ike  
2nd for 4:45 PM Flight_

"Thanks," said Ike, taking the tickets and walking to their Airplane.

"Wow, what got into those dumb frats?" asked Marth angrily, clenching his broken bloody nose.

"Who knows, I heard Mewtwo went insane too," said Ike. "So basically, Roy and Snake are the only other sane ones."

"Oh look, a bond stock sale!" smiled Ike, pointing to a store right next to the Entrance to their Airplane.

"We have one minute until the freaking flight!" yelled Marth angrily, pointing to the Entrance. "We have to get on!"

The Gate Entrance for their flight was starting to close.

"Sir, come over here," said an alligator, with a poor French accent and a bad mustache, "Come buy some stock bonds!"

"But the guy is practically asking me to buy his stuff!" said Ike hysterically.

"The flight!" said Marth, pointing angrily.

Ike walked over to the salesman.

"Psst, buddy! I'm a friend of Lucario's, and I wanted you to tell him this!" whispered the alligator. "I've been laying low from the police, because they found me out, and if I get caught, I'll-"

Ike ripped his obviously fake mustache.

"Crap," said Victor, "I've been found again!"

He quickly wrote a note and threw it at Ike, then ran away to avoid the policemen running towards him.

Marth dragged a confused Ike inside the entrance.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Last for 4:45 PM Flight_

"WE MADE IT OLOL" said Falcon, using an RPG to smash the Gate that was closing open.

The two very, very drugged frats stumbled inside the flight.

"I BET WE'RE THE BEST TEAM EVAR" said Ganondorf, punching the police man trying to stop them.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"What happened to the Frats?!" asked Toon Link, surprised about the frats' strange behavior.

"They're certainly an improvement," said Jigglypuff.

"What the hell?!" said Toon Link, surprised.

_Link and Yoshi  
6th to Depart; 4:57 PM_

"We're not last out for once!" smiled Link as he ripped open the clue. "Go to the airport and buy two tickets to Corneria!"

"We have shown that we can really be one of the Final Three teams!" said Yoshi, smiling.

"We are on the last flight with the team that made the footrace last leg," said Link as he hailed a taxi.

"What about our case?" asked Yoshi.

"We'll uh, manage it..." said Link, before drawing his sword.

He pointed it at the taxi driver.

"Take us to the airport or else!" said Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Last to Depart; 5:05 PM_

"We're the last team out," sniffed Pikachu.

"Buy two tickets to Corneria!" read Ness. "We have to beat the lawyers to the Pit stop!"

"But...they're so lucky!" panicked Pikachu, "And we've not been as experienced as they have!"

"I know, but it's either us or them," said Ness dramatically.

They hailed a taxi and drove towards the airport.

_Fox and Wolf_

"Make your way to-" began Wolf.

"You're not in the freaking race anymore!" yelled Koopa angrily, "Get out of here!"

"Never!" cried Fox, kicking Koopa and taking off in a taxi.

Koopa angrily watched them drive after Ness and Pikachu.

_Link and Yoshi  
1st for 7:00 PM Flight_

"We're on the flight!" said Yoshi. "We need to just edge out the kid, just like the others!"

"How is that even allowed? Only one is even a human!" said Yoshi.

"Let's sue if we lose!" said Link, running onto their plane.

"Like we will, we're the luckiest team ever!" laughed Yoshi.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Last for 7:00 PM Flight_

"We're last to get the tickets," sighed Ness. "We're screwed..."

"Don't think like that!" said Pikachu, "We're still around, and it's the fifth leg! Why, don't such a pessimist, because we still have the bike, and...and..."

Pikachu burst into tears.

"You're right, we're screwed!" cried Pikachu, tears hitting the ground.

_"All teams now have a flight to Corneria!" said Koopa Troopa. "The flights land an hour after departure!"_

_"On the 4:30 Flight, is Mewtwo and Lucario, Roy and Snake!"  
"On the 4:45 flight is teams Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Marth and Ike & Falcon and Ganondorf!"  
"On the 7:00 flight are teams Link and Yoshi, Ness and Pikachu!"_

_"Once the flight lands, teams must go to the Center of the city and take the clue on the top of the building!" said Koopa Troopa._

_5:30 PM  
1st Flight Landed_

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We need to find the building in the exact center of the city!" said Roy.

"We want to beat the Twins to the mat secretly," said Snake angrily. "They're now jerks, and Mewtwo, the nice one, is a total jerk now!"

"So we're gonna try to beat them to the mat!" said Roy.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

Lucario ducked to avoid a knife, and then he dialed a number.

"Hello?" came the voice on the other end. "Is this my lawyer?"

"Victor! How long will that stupid drug, TBSAR, be in effect?" asked Lucario angrily.

"Lucario? Oh, Uh, yeah, about that..." said Victor nervously. "It takes 6 hours for it to get out of one's system..."

"Where are you, the connection is very, very good!" mused Lucario.

"I'm in Corneria City Jail," said Victor angrily.

Lucario noticed the sign above him that read 'Corneria Jail'.

"How convenient," said Lucario, hanging up.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Hop on an elevator!" said Roy, as their car parked.

Snake paid the taxi driver, then the two of them ran out of the parking lot.

"We're gonna definitely have to take an elevator," mused Roy. "We're really far ahead of the other six remaining teams!"

"Yeah, the Twins got held up somehow when they landed!" said Snake, going inside.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently breaking the law_

Lucario tossed a saw blade inside Victor's cell.

"OW!1" said Victor angrily, the saw hitting him.

"That's for calling me senile," said Lucario angrily.

Victor ignored the comment, and began sawing the bars on his cell.

Lucario left him, and went back to the taxi where Mewtwo awaited him.

_5:45 PM  
2nd Flight Landed_

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We are really freaked out by the Frats," said Toon Link, running out the airport terminal.

"I think they're crazy!" said Jigglypuff, puffing up and passing Toon Link.

"There's little time, the Swordsmen are coming!" said Toon Link.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Beat the kids out the airport!" yelled Marth, passing Toon Link.

"I think I see the Frats coming from behind!" replied Ike.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"THERE'S THE OTHER TEAMS," said Falcon.

"WE SHALL GO THE SHORT WAY" said Ganondorf, jumping out the glass window in the terminal.

"OOPSIE DAISIES" said Falcon, as the Frat boys landed in a taxi.

"TAKE US TO THE BUILDING WITH THE POINTY TOP!1" said Ganondorf, bleeding from the glass.

"THEY ALL HAVE POINTY TOPS, DUM-DUM" said Falcon, also bleeding.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Roadblock!" read Roy. "Who is good with heights?"

_"In a roadblock, only one person per team can perform it!" said Koopa. "In this roadblock, the one team member must go where the ropes are and an instructor will help them put on equipment! Once they have done this, they must scale down the building they are on top of and they will receive their clue once they make it down!"_

"I'll do it," said Snake.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"The second flight is out, so we are not stuffing up," said Mewtwo, musing.

Their taxi drove along towards the building in the middle of the city.

"What if we-" started Lucario.

"Shut up," said Mewtwo, elbowing the psychic jackal.

"I know, what if we-" started Mewtwo

"Are you going to suggest the same idea as me? Because that's so unorigina-"

"This is for copying my phrase," said Mewtwo angrily, ripping Lucario's ear off and choking him with it.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"I THINK WE BEAT THE OTHERS" said Ganondorf.

"THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO GET A TAXI LIKE WE DO" said Falcon.

Their blood was up to their shins.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We need to beat the kids at getting a taxi," said Marth desperately.

"Hail a taxi!" said Ike, doing the hitchhiker symbol.

"They're gonna beat us if we don't hurry!" said Marth.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We are having a taxi-hailing duel between Marth and Ike, we can't afford to have them beat us," said Toon Link.

"I thought we had no money," reminded Jigglypuff.

Toon Link banged his head on a pole.

"Doesn't that hurt?" asked Jigglypuff.

Toon Link bled on Jigglypuff.

"Meanie!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

"Okay, I need you to show me how to strap this on," said Snake to the instructor.

"Fine," said the instructor, strapping him up.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"There it is up ahead," said Mewtwo, sniffing. "We have little time to waste."

"Think the others are not far behind?" asked Lucario.

The frats' taxi passed them.

"That answers your question," said Mewtwo angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"OLOL LOOK ITS THE TWINS" said Ganondorf.

"I THINK THEY ARE MAD" said Falcon.

_Marth and Ike_

"Come on..." said Marth urgently.

"We see a taxi coming!" said Ike.

The taxi stopped.

"Ha, the kids are running to the building!" said Ike.

"They don't have any money, I think!" said Marth, ushering Ike inside.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We have to beat the swordsmen to the tower!" said Toon Link, dashing.

Jigglypuff merely walked slowly.

"Go faster, don't you wanna win?!" asked Toon Link.

"I am running!" said Jigglypuff angrily, waddling towards her partner slowly.

"You suck at it!" said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff glared angrily.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

Snake started to clamber over the edge.

Roy watched from below, glancing nervously above.

"I hope this is safe enough!" said Roy.

"It is," said a worker angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"PARK THE CAR SO WE CAN GO" said Ganondorf.

"THIS IS FUN!1" said Falcon, running through security to get to the top of the building faster.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Park the car," ordered Mewtwo to the driver.

"You killed him," said Lucario bitterly.

...

"Lucario, park the car," commanded Mewtwo angrily.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We passed those dumb kids, they were going so slow!" chuckled Ike.

"We just need to catch up to the frats, they zoomed ahead," said Marth.

"Well, apparently we need to watch out," said Ike. "They say Corneria is going to be under attack!"

"Yeah, just like the producers to pick the location that's to be under attack," said Marth bitterly.

_Producers_

"How do they know?!" asked Tabuu the producer angrily.

"Someone tipped us off!" said the other producer.

"Well, hopefully the last two teams will get in interesting situations to make up for it," said Tabuu.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We have an invasion soon to happen in this freaking place," said Toon Link, "Yet the producers choose this place? They're doing this to boost the ratings, I bet!"

"It's 6:00 PM, we have two hours before the last two teams come out!" panicked Jigglypuff, "Where does the time go?!"

"For once, I don't have a snappy comeback to make you look guilty for something," said Toon Link.

"I thought you better than this!" said Jigglypuff, bursting into tears.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

"I'm about halfway down," said Snake, scaling down.

"I see the Twins running inside!" called out Roy, "Hurry, Snake!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"THERE'S THE ELEVATOR" said Ganondorf, reaching the top of the stairs.

"I THINK WERE THE SECOND TEAM" said Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Follow them," said Mewtwo, cursing as he tripped and fell down the stairs.

"I'm right behind them!" said Lucario, closely following the slower of the frats, Ganondorf.

"Don't let them get on the elevator alone!" grunted Mewtwo, pulling himself up.

Falcon ran into the elevator, followed by Lucario, then Ganondorf.

Mewtwo stumbled as he reached the top of the stairs.

The elevator doors closed, as Mewtwo approached and cursed.

Mewtwo focused his power and he correctly teleported inside the elevator.

An awkward silence followed.

"So..." said Lucario nervously, "All three of you are high, is that it?"

"ITS OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND" said Ganondorf, punching Lucario.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"There it is, up ahead!" said Ike, pointing.

"We must be fourth, so we have to keep the kids behind us!" said Marth, looking behind.

"The kids have been extremely lucky, and even won a leg, we want to win our own, right about now." said Ike.

"We're not far behind the first two teams, so maybe we can beat them?" asked Marth.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We have to run, Jigglypuff! Run!" said Toon Link, running.

Jigglypuff puffed up and flew past Toon Link.

"Show off!" said Toon Link angrily.

Jigglypuff ignored him.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Make your way to the local bar called 'Caruso Bar'!" read Roy, "There you shall find your next clue!"

"We must hurry, I see the Frats and Twins at the top," said Snake, balancing a sniper rifle.

Roy took it and threw it in the sewer.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," said Snake, on his knees.

Roy did an eye roll and dragged him away.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

The frats jumped out of the elevator and ran over to the clue box.

"MAKE YER WAY TO LOS ANGELES" said Ganondorf.

"SILLY THATS A PAMPHLET" said Falcon, holding up the real clue. "JUMP OFF THE BUILDING TO RECEIVE YER NEXT CLUE"

They jumped off the edge without any harnesses.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"I'll do it," said Mewtwo. "After all, I'm the Mewtwo..."

"Uh, sure," agreed Lucario. "I'll go back down..."

"I mean, I'm in Brawl, after all," said Mewtwo, proudly.

"Uh...you're not actually...in brawl..." said Lucario nervously.

"WHAT?! WHY THE **CENSORED** DID NO ONE TELL ME?! ...That explains why every time I showed up at the meetings everyone was so awkward around me," said Mewtwo.

Lucario nervously took a few steps back.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Park the car," explained Ike.

The driver did so, and the two swordsmen ran out with their bags.

The Frats landed in their taxi.

"TAKE US TO THE LOCAL BAR SIR" said Falcon.

The driver, shocked, hesitantly started the car up.

_Marth and Ike_

"It's 6:24, so we're in good shape," said Marth, as they walked through security and towards the stairs.

"I think the kids are still a good ways behind!" smiled Ike.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Still...running..." said Jigglypuff, panting.

"Hurry up, the Swordsmen are not that far ahead!" said Toon Link, pointing to the building in the distance.

"Almost...there..." panted Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

Mewtwo quickly stuck on his gear and sped down the side of the building at an alarming speed.

"I am NOT being left behind by dullard Frat boys," said Mewtwo, fuming.

He saw the two Students in the distance, and fumed.

"Wait...I'll cause a little problem for them," said Mewtwo, cackling.

He thought for a moment.

"Wait...my telekinesis can't go that far!" cried Mewtwo.

_Marth and Ike_

"We see an elevator!" said Ike, pointing.

"Get inside it," said Marth, running.

"The kids will be here soon, we have to leave before they get here!" said Marth.

"I wish we could fly or teleport," sighed Ike. "Then we could just do that to the top instead of running!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

The two students crossed the street and ran into the carpark for the building they wanted to get to.

"We think it may be a height-involving task, so Jigglypuff, you'll do it!" said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff beamed.

"Uh...you can stop smiling now..." said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff beamed.

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

"I'm almost to the bottom," cackled Mewtwo, "Due to the fact I'm good with heights!"

He looked down.

"I want my mommy!" cried Mewtwo.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"There's the bar!" pointed out Roy, as he crossed the street towards it.

"We are so far ahead," cackled Snake.

"I think Mewtwo's recently become a jerk," said Roy, "We definitely don't want him to win another leg. At least, as long as he is a jerk..."

"I hear the frats were acting weird also!" said Snake, opening the door to the bar.

They approached the counter where the bartender was.

"Clue, please!" smiled Roy.

The bartender handed them the clue.

"I wonder if Mewtwo's far behind..." mused Roy.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Done," cackled Mewtwo evilly, landing on the bottom and teleporting out of the harness and up to the person with the clue.

The person nervously handed over the clue.

Mewtwo walked away.

"Phew," said the worker.

Mewtwo teleported back, untied the man's shoes and teleported inside the car.

"HOW EVIL!1" said the worker, sobbing.

"Make your way to Caruso bar," read Lucario.

_Marth and Ike_

"Roadblock, you wanna do it?" asked Marth.

"Nah, I'll let you do it," said Ike.

"Okay," said Marth, walking up to the instructor and getting the harness on.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"There! The entrance!" cried Jigglypuff, pointing.

"Please let us by!" cried out Toon Link.

"Are you two part of the elementary school visiting the building?" asked the person in the toll booth, who charged people to enter.

Seeing the prices for normal people, Toon Link said, "Yes!"

"That's twelve dollars extra!" said the worker.

"NUEZ!1" said Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

"We're uh...workers..." said Jigglypuff.

"Where's your tag?" asked the worker.

A guy who worked in the building, died.

The students walked over and stole his card.

"See?" asked Jigglypuff.

"First of all, I saw you take his card, You look nothing like him, and thats his driver's license," said the worker angrily.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Teams must now chug down a full shot of whiskey!" read Roy. "This may seem....simple, but once the drinks take effect, you're kind of screwed!"

"Let's do this!" said Snake, taking a glass and swallowing all of it.

Roy took one sip at a time.

...

Snake forced the rest down his dad's throat.

"AHDUGKDEFIEJF" said Roy, choking on the alcohol.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"I SEE THE BUILDING" said Ganondorf.

"HOW CAN WE CROSS THE ROAD WITHOUT BEING RUN OVER?!" asked Falcon.

Ganondorf donned a Starfox costume.

He ran out onto the street.

He got ran over.

"OLOL I FORGOT THAT FOX IS NO LONGER POPULAR ANYMORE..." said Ganondorf, bleeding to death.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Catch up to the frats again!" cried out Mewtwo.

"We're stuck in traffic, great!" said Lucario.

"I blame you for this!" said Mewtwo, pointing at Lucario, raising his hands.

"I'M SORRY, OKAY?!" said Lucario, bursting into tears.

"..." said Mewtwo.

"I'm sorry about all those mean things I did to you!" said Lucario. "I really didn't mean all of it, I'm just jealous of you!1"

"Jealous?" asked Mewtwo.

"Yes! Jealous! You got into Melee, and I didn't! Then, you got voted 'Best Pokemon of the year', and I wanted to be Best Pokemon! Then, you got that essay you wrote in third grade, was published into that novel! See, I never accomplished anything as good as you!"

Lucario sobbed.

"That's nice and all, but...I was voted Best Pokemon of the Year?!" asked Mewtwo.

Lucario nodded fervently.

"How did I not know this?" asked Mewtwo.

"That's because I- er, JIGGLYPUFF, she destroyed your award!" lied Lucario.

"How awful!" said Mewtwo, furious. "We'll get her eliminated for that!"

_Marth  
On Roadblock_

"This is pretty...scary..." said Marth nervously, looking down.

"Don't worry! You can do this!" smiled Ike.

"Wait...I'm halfway down the building!" said Marth, "How can I hear you?"

Marth realized he and Ike were tied together.

"Uh...how did this happen?!" asked Marth.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Roadblock!" read Toon Link, "Who's good with heights?"

"I'll do it!" said Jigglypuff.

"Hurry, we can't let ourselves get behind!" panicked Toon Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're done!" smiled Snake. "Now let's go and get this leg over with, before the alcohol takes effect!"

"It'll take a while for it to take effect on us," mused Roy, "I'm older, and you're tall and muscular, so it'll take some time to take effect."

"Just our luck!" chuckled Snake.

"Make your way to Starwolf's Base!" read Roy. "Inside the hangar is the next clue!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"HAI GUYS I AM GANONDORF YUK YUK" said Ganondorf, walking up and taking the clue.

"WE CHOOSE TO YIELD GANONDORK" said Falcon.

"THIS IS A TASK SILLY" said Ganondorf.

"FORCE FEED WINE INTO YER TEAMMATES" said Ganondorf.

"cHUG cHUG cHUG" said Falcon, chugging the whiskey.

"Chug Chug Chug" said Ganondorf, chugging the whiskey.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We're almost out of traffic, though it's pretty huge." said Lucario.

"So, why did you never tell me that I won the award?" asked Mewtwo.

"Uh...I didn't...want to have your...feelings hurt...when Jigglypuff ruined your award..." said Lucario uncomfortably.

"How nice of you!" said Mewtwo, smiling.

Mewtwo hugged Lucario.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Make your way to Caruso bar!" read Marth.

"Come on, it's 6:47, we have about an hour and ten minutes until the last two teams are here!" said Ike.

"We think we can catch up with the other teams, at the detour," said Marth.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

"Almost to the bottom," said Jigglypuff as she merely floated slowly down.

"Drop faster!" said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff puffed less frequently, and he slowly fell faster.

"Faster, Jiggles!" said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff stopped floating altogether.

"Come on, faster!" said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff forced herself to go faster.

"FASTER!1" screamed Toon Link.

Jigglypuff used her side-b move, the punch.

"Uh...good enough..." said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff rocketed towards the ground, starting to catch on fire from the friction.

"You can...slow down, now..." said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff started to burn.

"I said, you can slow down now..." said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff turned black and started smoking.

"JIGGLYPUFF!1" cried Toon Link.

She hit the ground and made an indent in the pavement.

Toon Link sobbed.

"Yes?" asked Jigglypuff, randomly popping next to him.

"Never mind!" said Toon Link angrily. "Make your way to Caruso Bar!"

"Wanna know how I didn't die? huh? huh?" asked Jigglypuff, poking the angry and confused Toon Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Move, Snake! We can't let the alcohol take effect before we're extremely ahead of the other teams!" panicked Roy.

"I know!" said Snake angrily, hopping out the taxi and walking to the Starwolf Base.

"Then why are you walking?" asked Roy.

"Explain to me how we got here in one scene transition, when the other teams encountered traffic, huh?" asked Snake angrily.

"Are you trying to make the plot holes recognized to the viewers?" asked Roy angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"WE SHALL BEAT THE TRAFFIC!" said Ganondorf.

"HOW?" asked Falcon.

"THIS IS HOW" said Ganondorf, opening the door to their taxi and running between the other cars.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

The two Twins watched in disbelief at the high and now drunk Frats run through the traffic.

"I can't believe them...They're doing anything to win!" said Lucario.

"Those dullard Frats! We need to be that gutsy!" said Mewtwo.

"How?" asked Lucario.

"Well...I don't know, but the words 'Plastic surgery' come to mind!" said Mewtwo.

"That's for the body, not the mind," said Lucario.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"We're seeing traffic up ahead!" gasped Marth. "This is the first jam we've seen so far this leg."

"Maybe it'll clear up soon," sighed Ike, as they drove towards it.

"I just hope the kids don't come around anytime soon!" said Marth.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"We're running on the sidewalk next to the road where the other teams are going," said Toon Link.

"Wait, is that what I think it is up ahead?!" asked Jigglypuff excitedly.

"What?" asked Toon Link.

"Traffic!" said Jigglypuff.

"Yes, the other teams must have gotten caught in it!" cheered Toon Link. "Finally, some luck for us!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"This is pretty close," said Roy, "We got to make it to the Pit stop before we get drunk!"

"Oh no!" said Snake. "I just thought of something!"

"What?" asked Roy.

"I just realized that Frats are renowned for getting drunk! That means they might actually be focused enough to reach the mat first!" cried Snake.

"We can't let that happen!" cried Roy.

They went inside the hangar of Starwolf and took a clue from the clue box.

"Detour!" read Roy. "The Long way or The Hard Way?"

_"A detour is a choice between two tasks!" said Koopa Troopa, "Each with its pros and cons!"_

_"In The Long Way, teams must get inside a Landmaster and drive it to Fox's base! Once there, they have to destroy the five poles creating a force field around the base! This may seem straightforward, but the hard part is learning how to control the Landmaster, and the long trip to the base!"_

_"In The Hard Way, teams must go to the command decks of the StarWolf base, and they must install a fake bomb there! This may seem really easy, but the hard part is knowing how to properly wire the bomb, and how to place it!"_

"I say the Hard Way!" said Snake. "I can do that type of thing!"

"Good, we have a better chance of staying ahead and getting to the mat!" said Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"I SEE THE BASE AHEAD!" said Ganondorf.

"BUT HOW CAN WE CROSS THE STREET WITHOUT BEING KILLED?" asked Falcon.

Ganondorf pushed Falcon onto the road.

Falcon was promptly run over.

"LA LA LA" said Ganondorf, passing Falcon's bleeding body and went up to the Starwolf base.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Teams must now chug a shot of whiskey!" read Lucario.

"This won't be easy," said Mewtwo. "I mean, think of the brain cells I'm already losing from being high!"

"I'm used to this stuff, I'm a druggie, remember?" asked Lucario.

"Sure, but I'm not, so don't freak if I get a little wacko on you in a few." replied Mewtwo.

"I'll get us to the mat, brother, I swear it." said Lucario. "I can take the whiskey..."

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"Dammit!" said Ike angrily, "I see the kids!"

"Where?" asked Marth.

Ike pointed to the two students running past the entire traffic.

"CURSES!" screeched Ike, shaking Marth crazily.

"We lost our small lead on them!" said Marth, in horror.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Yes! I see a taxi, that must be a team!" said Toon Link as he and Jigglypuff ran past the Swordsmen and continued onward.

"I think we may be fourth!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"It's 7:01, about an hour until the last teams arrive..." said Toon Link, glancing at the watch.

_Roy and Snake  
On The Hard Way_

"We are making our way to the Command deck!" said Snake, dashing up the stairs with the bomb under his arm.

"I think there's still a little more time before we get drunk!" said Roy.

Snake waited for Roy to get inside the command room, and then got ready to place the bomb.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"DETOUr," read Ganondorf, "THE LONg WAy or THE HARd WAy?"

"I SAY PIE IT" said Falcon.

"THERE IS NO PIE IT" said Ganondorf.

Falcon used his Frat powers to summon King Dedede, who pied Ganondorf.

"SEE?" said Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

Lucario held his cup up, and quickly chugged the entire shot down.

"We have around ten minutes before it takes effect on someone my size," explained Lucario.

Mewtwo took his shot, and he looked at it nervously.

"Come on, we can get through this if you hurry!" said Lucario.

Mewtwo closed his eyes and tried to chug it, but only managed to splash it on his face.

Lucario chuckled heartily.

"DO NOT LAUGH AT ME," said Mewtwo angrily, the area around him shaking.

Mewtwo got a second shot and chugged it successfully.

"Make your way to Starwolf Base," read Lucario.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"There's the bar!" said Jigglypuff, pointing.

The two kids hid behind the car nearby, as they watched the Twins walk out.

"They're looking fairly dizzy..." said Toon Link.

Some Cornerian got inside the car they were hiding behind and started the engine.

The two kids tried to keep up with the car, but it sped away.

"Zounds! A team!" gasped Mewtwo.

"Teleport us!" said Lucario.

They teleported a hundred yards away.

"We can't let them stay ahead! Come on, Jigglypuff!" cried out Toon Link, running inside the bar.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We're almost through traffic!" said Marth.

"We can see the Students scampering inside the bar!" said Ike.

"Come on!" said Marth, opening the car door and recklessly running across the street.

Ike was going to protest, but then he quieted himself and threw money at their taxi driver.

_Roy and Snake  
On The Hard Way_

"Oh no," said Roy, feeling the alcohol to take effect, "I'm losing it! I don't think we'll make it!"

"Don't worry dad, I'm still sober!" said Snake, rigging the bomb.

"Did we passch?" asked Roy, his words starting to slur.

"Not yet! Come on, I just need to press this button, and..." he pressed the button. "...There!"

The instructor who had been watching them gave them their next clue.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Say, how long will the alcohol take to have effect on someone my size?" asked Mewtwo.

Lucario, an alcohol expert, sized up his brother.

He noticed his brother's skinny body and twig-like arms.

"Uh...not good..." said Lucario.

"What is it?!" asked Mewtwo nervously.

"You'll find out...right...now." said Lucario.

Just then, Mewtwo got drunk.

"Wow, you're drunk _and_ high!" laughed Lucario.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We can make it, dad!" said Snake. "Make your way to the outside of Starwolf base!"

_"Teams must now make their way back outside to the Starwolf base," explained Koopa._

"Caution, U-turn ahead!" read Snake.

_"This is the second of five U-turns on the race! A U-turn is always after a Detour, __as__teams who choose to use their U-Turn powers can force any team behind them to backtrack and do the task in the Detour that they did not complete! Teams may only use their U-Turn powers once in the race, so they must decide when it's most advantageous to go for it!"_

"I think we're thhhe bescht team evrerrr..." giggled Roy, clearly intoxicated.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On The Long Way_

"WERE SO GOOD AT RACING" said Ganondorf, driving the Landmaster.

"OH, DID WE WIN?" asked Falcon.

They shot a building.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Must not let the Frats beat us!" said Mewtwo, drunk.

"Calm down," said Lucario. "We must get to the hangar!"

"Hee hee!" giggled Mewtwo, using his psychic powers to lift Lucario in the air.

"I knEW this WOUld BE A BAd idea to GET a TELEKINesis user drUNK..." sighed Lucario, being shaken in the air from Mewtwo's telekinesis.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Teams must now take a shot of whiskey for their next clue?!" read Toon Link. "This is insane! We're only twelve!"

"Big deal, just take your shots if you want to pass," said the bartender.

"We'll be drunk within minutes, unlike the adults who will be sober much longer!" said Toon Link hysterically, "We won't make it to the Pit stop in time!"

"Why do you think we're doing this?" grinned the bartender.

_Marth and Ike_

"Teams must now take a shot of whiskey for their next clue!" read Ike excitedly. "This will assuredly make us get ahead of those dumb kids we've wanted to beat for forever!"

"Quick, the kids are scared of the idea! We must hurry and do it!" said Marth, panicking.

"Why so worried?" asked Ike, chuckling.

"I don't drink," explained Marth nervously.

"Oh," said Ike, insantly worried.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Just need to...go down these steps..." said Snake, puffing, as he carried his father on his back.

He started to feel the effects of the alcohol.

"No! Must concentrate!" said Snake, forcing himself to keep moving forward. "Mustnt...lose...focus..."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On The Long Way_

"YEAAAAH," said Ganondorf, the whiskey now taking effect.

"I FEEL SCHIZOPHRENIC, BABY" said Falcon, his two eyes facing in different directions.

They shot randomly, due to the alcohol, and they managed to hit only one of the five barriers.

"WE CAN DO THIS! I THINK!" said Ganondorf.

"I DONT THINK I CANT" sobbed Falcon.

"THAT MEANS YOU CAN, SILLY BILLY" said Ganondorf.

"THEN I CAN!" said Falcon.

"HUZZAH," said the frat boys in unison, shooting a second barrier pole.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Detour!" read Lucario, "The Long Way or the Hard Way?"

He turned to Mewtwo.

"What do you think, Mewtwo?" asked Lucario.

Mewtwo was giggling to himself, tripping on purpose.

"The Hard way it is..." sighed Lucario.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

Toon Link nervously held his shot and looked between it and the camera.

He imagined what Lucas, his fellow classmate, would say.

_'Toon Link you chicken, take the shot!' _Lucas would have said.

Toon Link quickly chugged the shot.

Jigglypuff looked at hers.

"Do it!" panicked Toon Link, "I just took mine! We have to get to that pit stop before we get the effects of the alcohol!"

_Marth and Ike_

"Quick, chug yours so we can beat the kids there," said Marth angrily.

"You're the one still chugging!" said Ike angrily.

...

"I really think you're a bad influence for me," said Marth angrily, chugging his. "I've gone crazy since I've been hanging around you!"

_Roy and Snake  
At the U-Turn_

"We're...here..." said Snake, struggling with the shot in his system.

They stepped onto the mat.

"We choose...not to...U-Turn anyone..." said Snake, forcing himself to focus.

He opened the clue from the clue box.

"Make your way...to the pit scchhtop...Foschhh's Houschhh..." slurred Snake, gasping.

_"Teams must now make their way to Fox's House!" said Koopa Troopa, "This will be a problem for two reasons: the place is not known to the public, to avoid the eye of the media! And, because of that, teams who are bad at navigating will have a problem! This is the fifth Pit stop in the race! Last team to arrive here __**may**__ be eliminated!"_

"Must focus..." stressed Snake, stepping off the mat and going for a taxi slowly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"WE ROCK THE SOCKS" said Falcon, showing socks on his feet.

Ganondorf hit the socks with a guitar, the socks flying off.

"SEE?" said Ganondorf.

"MAKE YER WAY TO THE UTURN MAT AND UTURN SOMEBODY" read Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On The Hard Way_

"We just need to...do a few more wires!" said Lucario, frustrated.

"This IS THE BOMB!1" giggled Mewtwo, rigging the bomb to actually explode.

They received their next clue due to Mewtwo's intoxication.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way back outside!" read Lucario. "Warning, U-Turn ahead!"

"I LOOOOVE BEING UTURNED!1" said Mewtwo, eyes spinning in different directions.

"I think we're second!" said Lucario gleefully.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Why won't you drink it?!" asked Toon Link desperately. "We have only 30 minutes until the flight with the last two teams comes out, and you won't take this shot and we're gonna be beaten to the mat by the swordsmen and we're gonna be laughed at so WHY WON'T YOU DRINK THE SHOT?!"

"It'll make my pee look funny!" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH IT?!" asked Toon Link.

Toon Link force-fed Jigglypuff the rest of the shot.

"Make your way to the Starwolf Base, and go to the hangar!" read Toon Link angrily.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We're done too!" said Marth, taking the clue.

"Come on, just follow the kids there!" said Ike.

"We need to not let ourselves get beat to the Base!" said Marth.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"WHERE IS THE BASE?" asked Ganondorf, hitting Falcon with the guitar.

"ASK THAT GUY" said Falcon, pointing to the civilian.

"WHERE IS THE UTURN MAT" asked Ganondorf, hitting the civilian with the guitar.

"Over there! I saw a mat!" cried out the worker, "Don't hurt me!"

The civilian nervously led them to the U-Turn mat.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"I see the Frat boys! After them!" screamed Lucario, pointing.

Mewtwo teleported to the Frat boys and shook their hands.

"HI MY NAME IS THE MEW2" said Mewtwo incoherently. "CAN WE JOG WITH U GUYS"

"NO, WE DO NOT LIKE UR KIND WE MUST UTURN U ACCORDING TO THE RULES" said Falcon angrily.

Lucario ran past them, to get to the other side.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

They ran on the sidewalk, and saw Starwolf base not far away.

"I see two other teams!" said Marth, horrified.

"Catch up to them, there must be a task ahead!" said Ike.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We can't let them beat us," said Toon Link, muttering. "We have to beat them there...must beat them..."

"I think we're almost done!" beamed Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Take us...to Fox'ssss housdch..." coughed up Snake.

"...Yeah, I don't know where that is," said the taxi driver. "I'll look it up on my handy dandy laptop..."

"Please do...by the way, if you take us there and lead us to a mat with a Koopa there...I'll pay you...when I am schhhober...." said Snake, losing focus.

He handed the taxi driver a bundle of money.

"Sure, pal!" grinned the taxi driver, looking up Fox's house eagerly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Falcon and Ganondorf_

"We musccht beat them Lukkkario..." said Mewtwo, drooling.

"You're really out of it, all of you," said Lucario. "Fortunately for all of us, _I'm_ still sober!"

"NOT ANYMORE OLOL" said Ganondorf, forcing twelve shot's worth of Whiskey down his throat.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Detour!" read Marth frantically, "The Long Way or The Hard Way?"

"Long Way, we can just barely beat the kids if we successfully navigate to Fox's base!" said Ike.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We're doing good!" said Toon Link running inside StarWolf base and running inside the hangar.

"Detour, The Long Way or The Hard Way?" read Jigglypuff, having beaten Toon Link to the clue box.

"Hard way, closest to us!" said Toon Link, seeing Marth and Ike hopping inside the Landmaster.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"I CAN SEE MYSELF IN THE MIRROR!1" screamed Mewtwo.

"I EAT MY CEREAL USING A VACUUM CLEANER" said Falcon.

"OH, sorry, I left my GOLD STARS AT HOME" said Ganondorf, pasting tulips on Lucario.

"I thought we ditched you guys!" said Lucario angrily. "And where is that freaking U-Turn mat?!"

_Marth and Ike  
On The Long Way_

Behind the Twins and Frats, Marth and Ike's Landmaster rolled out of the base and headed to StarFox's base.

"There's the two teams!" said Ike, "they're done with the detour!"

"I think we can just barely catch up if we hurry!" said Marth.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On The Hard Way_

"Look! a Spy!" said Toon Link, pointing through the glass window down below in the hangar.

"Where?" asked the worker, turning away.

Toon Link took Snake and Roy's bomb and switched it with their defective one.

"Look, done with the task!" chuckled Toon Link, taking their next clue.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Completed Detour_

"Make your way back outside of the Base!" read Toon Link, "Warning, U-Turn ahead!"

"We can U-Turn the Swordsmen!" said Jigglypuff, "Come on!"

_Marth and Ike  
On The Long Way_

"There's the base! Fire right now!" said Ike angrily.

"We can't! We're almost drunk and we're too far away!" said Marth.

"Who can help us?!" cried the Swordsmen.

Meta-Knight came out of nowhere and manned the turret.

He shot all five poles and took off.

_Marth and Ike  
Completed Detour_

"Make your way back outside of the base!" read Marth, "Warning, U-Turn ahead!"

"We can U-Turn the Students!" said Ike, "This way!"

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"I found where the place should be!" grinned the Taxi driver, "This way!"

The taxi finally drove off, towards the supposed location of Fox's House.

Behind them, was the U-Turn mat.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Falcon and Ganondorf  
Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We're all together again?!" said Jigglypuff.

"Longtime no see!" grinned Mewtwo, "I love you... ... ...r shirt!"

Falcon, Ganondorf and Mewtwo chuckled drunkenly.

"I'm still sober?!" asked Lucario.

"I LOVE SLEEPOVERSS!1" screamed Jigglypuff, foaming at the mouth.

"Wait!" said Falcon, regaining soberity, "We're supposed to U-Turn someone!"

"Wait!" said Mewtwo, still drunk, "Jigglypuff had destroyed my award! We'll U-Turn you!"

"Wait!" said Jigglypuff, just now drunk, "We need to U-Turn the Swordsmen!"

"Wait!" said Lucario, "Where's the Swordsmen anyways?!"

They all saw a Landmaster in the distance.

They all started sprinting like crazy towards the U-Turn mat.

_At The U-Turn mat  
7:45 PM Local Time_

Falcon, followed by Toon Link, Mewtwo, Lucario, Ganondorf and Jigglypuff, ran towards the mat.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff just got drunk, and only Ganondorf and Mewtwo of the three to get high before was still drunk/high.

Lucario tripped Ganondorf, and passed Mewtwo.

Mewtwo teleported onto the mat, but Ganondorf threw the guitar at him, knocking him away.

Toon Link and Falcon got on the mat.

"I have such a bad migraine...what have I been doing?" asked Falcon, rubbing his head.

"You don't remember?!" shrieked Toon Link, drunk. "I ADMITTED MY DISLIKE FOR YOU!1"

Lucario ran onto the mat.

Jigglypuff slowly waddled towards the mat, but out of nowhere the Landmaster driven by the Swordsmen ran her over.

The Landmaster stopped just inches from the mat.

Toon Link tackled Falcon off the mat, and Mewtwo got on the mat, cackling evilly to himself.

Lucario kicked away Ganondorf, and reached for the mat.

Ike landed on Lucario when he hopped out of the tank.

Ike walked onto the mat.

Marth got rolled on by Jigglypuff, who was bleeding.

Toon Link and Falcon rolled onto the mat.

Lucario got up and sweep-kicked the oncoming Marth off his feet, then stepped on the mat.

Jigglypuff touched the mat, beaming proudly.

Marth crawled onto the mat weakly.

Ganondorf ashamedly hit the mat.

"Seeing as all three of you other teams are annoying, rude and have not exactly been nice to us," said Lucario, "However, we have decided to choose one of you to U-Turn!1"

Everyone looked onward.

"We choose to U-Turn... ...The Frat Boys." said Lucario, pasting the Frats' picture on the U-Turn board.

"We're in this!" said Lucario, opening the clue.

"Make your way to the pit stop, Fox's house!" read Lucario. "Great, I don't know that that exists!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Fox's house!" read Toon Link, slightly sober again. "We have to find where this plaschh is!"

"I WANT MAT! I WANT MAT!" said Jigglypuff, foaming at the mouth drunkenly.

"This is why they made us drink the whiskey!" said Toon Link.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Fox's house!" read Marth, starting to get drunk. "I can feel the effecshhj..."

"At least I'm still superbly superificiously stupendously not still very very drunk like you, scchhee?" said Ike.

"OH NOES" said Marth and Ike, gasping.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
U-Turned_

"We don't remember anything..." groaned Ganondorf, rubbing his head, "Of what we've been doing!"

"We have been racing correctly, apparently!" said Falcon, pointing out their picture on the U-Turn mat.

"We have to do a detour!" said Ganondorf, "We've been U-Turned!"

_Advertisement_

"Life sucks, deal with it," said Pichu, with a small patch of black hair, a tiny black sweater and black mascara on.

"Ever get tired of those emos? Ever want to get rid of them?" grinned Quinn. "Well you can now...with the Anti-Emo box!"

Kirby ran in and pulled out a box.

"Just simply press the button on this box, and..." Kirby pressed the button.

Barney music played.

"NUEZ!1 TOO MUCH LOVE!1" cried Pichu, whose wrists had been cut, and he was bleeding on the floor, "And right in the middle of my depression time!"

Pichu curled into a ball and whimpered.

"See? Just press the button, and your wishes come true!" said Kirby and Quinn cheesily.

"You can order an Anti-Emo box for 19.99! Call today at 666-777-8888!" grinned Kirby, "Call or else we'll send our terrorist friends to blow up your house!"

They posed, as Pichu sat there crying.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"We have to do a detour!" said Ganondorf, "We've been U-Turned!"

"We got to hurry, the others are going to the Pit stop!" cried Falcon, as he searched through their past clues.

"Hmm...nope...nope...here, a drinking task?!" said Falcon. "And we were too high to enjoy it!"

Falcon burst into tears.

"Here, it's a Detour! The Long Way or The Hard Way!" exclaimed Ganondorf, showing a clue.

"Okay, we have to do the other one we didn't do before!" said Falcon.

"But which one?" asked Ganondorf.

"I gotta guess...the Long Way!" said Falcon.

"Let's hurry then..." said Ganondorf, both frats clutching their heads as they walked away, back to the hangar.

High-pitched string music played, showing that they had chosen the wrong side of the detour that they had not already done.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"It's 7:49, here's the place!" said the taxi driver, smiling.

Snake was asleep.

"Great, how will they get to the mat now?" asked the taxi driver angrily.

He opened the taxi door and dragged Roy inside the house.

"Now for the younger guy!" said the taxi driver.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We have to find the location!" said Lucario, as he and Mewtwo sat in the taxi. "Oh no, I feel drunk...here it comes..."

"I LIKE MANICURES!" grinned Mewtwo, already drunk.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"I must focus and find the location!" said Toon Link, heavily affected by the alcohol.

"Oh, I must not be affected to alcohol by much!" beamed Jigglypuff, "By convenient circumstances!"

She realized Toon Link was still drunk.

"Oh no! I have to do the work!" said Jigglypuff, starting to cry, "Because Toon Link is still drunk, and he does the work mostly!"

She saw a taxi.

"Wait! Since we only have this small amount of money, we couldnt use a taxi unless it was important! But since its the pit stop," mused Jigglypuff, "I should use it!"

She hopped in.

"Do you know where Fox's house is?" asked Jigglypuff sweetly, "I need to go there!"

"I don't know where that is!" said the taxi driver.

"I know! See those two taxis? Just follow the one who takes off first!" explained Jigglypuff, pointing to the Swordsmen and Twins' taxis.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"We have to find the location before the kids or the twins!" said Ike desperately, "Where is Fox's house?!"

"I don't know, it doesn't exist on this map!" panicked Marth, sweating.

"We're screwed unless we solve where the location is!" said Ike.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
U-Turned_

"There's the Landmaster, get inside!" said Ganondorf. "We have to finish this in time!"

"I see the three teams sitting in taxis," said Falcon, rubbing his head, "We still can catch up!"

"I'm turning the Landmaster on!" said Ganondorf, turning it on.

_8:02 PM  
Last Flight Arrived_

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're finally here!" said Ness dramatically. "After so long!"

"We have little time to spare," said Pikachu wisely, "We have lots of money, so just keep using taxis to most of the location so we can stay ahead!"

"Good thinking, I'll call for a taxi, you tell me when you see the lawyers!" said Ness, going for the pay phone a distance away.

Pikachu nodded and watched for them to come out of the terminal.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're last, as usual," said Link, "Though we're confident about beating this pair...its a kid and a stuffed animal, for cripes' sake!"

"Yeah, we can beat him," chuckled Yoshi heartily, "Just like the Flight Attendants, Uncle and Nephew and Rivals!"

"Let's get caught up with the other teams, I hear Corneria is soon to be invaded!" said Link, "The locals are going to be forced out of the city, so we need to hurry out of here!"

"We actually barely got into Corneria," mused Yoshi, "Our flight had just gotten half way there when the transmission to come back to Mushroom Kingdom had signalled!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Got to find it before the other two teams!" said Lucario, feeling the alcohol to start taking its effect, "this is cutting it close!"

Mewtwo was still drunk, talking to himself maniacally, not being any help.

"I can just barely get us to the mat before it's too late!" said Lucario.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"I just wish one of the teams would find it soon!" said Jigglypuff, handing more money by the minute away, "We only have two more minutes' worth to sit in here!"

"You could just stand outside," said the worker somewhat angrily.

"No! The seats are more comfortable in here!" said Jigglypuff angrily, handing him a dollar to be quiet.

_Marth and Ike_

"I found something," smiled Marth, "There's a group who stalk Fox! How fortunate!"

They looked at for all their stalkertastic needs and found where the house was.

"Great, copy and paste it, and print it so we can leave!" said Ike smugly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On The Long Way_

The Frats drove the tank towards StarFox base, ready to finish the task.

"We have to finish this, we had been so close to winning a leg this time, apparently," said Ganondorf, depressed.

"Maybe we should get high more often!" said Falcon, "Maybe we'll place better!"

"Yeah!" said Ganondorf. "But wait! There's only two packets left, and Mewtwo has them!"

"Maybe one of us can convince Mewtwo, he's a wuss," said Falcon.

"But he's still high, like we were!" said Ganondorf. "We'll never get to them when he's in that condition..."

The Frat boys grumbled as they approached the task.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Okay, I got us a taxi!" grinned Ness, "We have to wait outside for it!"

"We have plenty of money, so not to worry!" said Pikachu.

"Here come the Lawyers, let's scram!" said Ness.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"There's the kid! After him!" said Link, pursuing Ness.

"We have to keep up to him!" said Yoshi, following with the bags.

"We're definitely the last two teams, so let's stay ahead of them at all times!" said Yoshi.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Go!" said Marth to the driver. "And step on it, we need to lose a pair of taxis!"

They had been behind the Students and the twins' taxis, so they reversed and then went forward, while turning, leaving the two teams behind.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Follow that taxi!" said Lucario dramatically, now fully losing his control over the alcohol.

"WE'RE GONNA BEAT THEM AND WIN!1" said Mewtwo, the effects now going away.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Follow the taxi that reversed!" cheered Jigglypuff, "The chase is on!"

"We're losing them!" grunted the driver, trying to turn. "The other taxi following is cutting us off!"

"Dammit!" said Toon Link.

"Gosh darnit!" said Jigglypuff.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On The Long Way_

"We're missing!" said Falcon, going into tears, "We're screwed!"

Ganondorf hit a second one.

"We can't quit now, dawg, stick to the end!" said Ganondorf dramatically.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"There's the Building at the center of the city!" said Ness happily, "We can do this!"

"The Lawyers, we left them behind!" cheered Pikachu.

"I think we're gonna own them," smirked Ness coyly.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"This is end! THIS IS THE END!" screamed Yoshi.

"Yoshi," said Link, annoyed, "We're not even half way through the leg!"

"I was practicing for when the epic part comes." said Yoshi.

Link forced the reader to scroll back up the page and pointed out the drunkenness fight at the U-Turn.

"I MEANT OUR EPIC PART! ASSUMING WE HAVE ONE!1" cried Yoshi.

_Roy and Snake_

"Now, how to wake them?" asked the taxi driver. "hmmm..."

He got a bucket of cold water.

And poured it on Snake.

"Darn it, didn't work!" said the taxi driver angrily.

_Marth and Ike  
Altean Swordsmen_

"There! We have two more blocks to cover!" said Marth. "We're almost there!"

"I bet we're second," said Ike smugly. "We're taking the lead, and maybe we can get second or first!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"THIS IS SO COOL!1" said Mewtwo, making their seats spontaneously combust.

"I can't think straight anymore!" said Lucario, now also drunk, "I hate myself! Because we're gonna lose! And it'll be my fault!"

Lucario cried.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We are so bad at this!" said Jigglypuff, in tears as they were left behind.

"I am trying my best!" said the taxi driver angrily.

They drove off a cliff.

"I'M HAVING A BAD DAY, OKAY?!" screamed the taxi driver crying.

"I'M HAVING A WORSER DAY THAN YOU!" screeched Jigglypuff.

_At The Pit Stop_

Roy and Snake were unconscious, 40 yards away from the mat in Fox's back yard.

"Now what?" asked their taxi driver, hearing the roar of an engine.

Marth and Ike's taxi parked in front of Fox's house and hopped out, as Ike payed the driver.

"Let's go to the mat!" said Marth, smiling....drunken...ly....shut up.

Mewtwo and Lucario's taxi hit the fence right next to the Swordsmen, and the Twins drunkenly hopped out, intoxicated.

Mewtwo stumbled over to Marth and girlishly slapped him.

Ike drunkenly staggered after Lucario, who tried to get to the mat in time.

Roy conveniently, obviously not to make the moment any more tenser, woke up with the worst migraine imaginable.

Ike tripped and accidentally caught hold of Lucario, both falling down.

Mewtwo, dizzily stepped past, pushing against the walls nearby for support as he made his way to the mat slowly.

Roy tried to drag his heavy son onto the mat, but with no luck.

Lucario drunkenly tried to get up, but fell back down.

"This'll bring our records up!" chuckled Koopa happily to the greeter of Corneria as he watched the three teams' efforts to get first.

Roy tried to shake his son awake.

Ike got up and rolled Lucario, literally, away, and stumbled forward.

Screaming could be heard as the engine of a taxi roared.

Roy looked tiredly up, and widened his eyes in horror to see a taxi.

It landed in the tree that was 20 yards from the mat.

Roy got out a bucket, and filled it with water, and... ...started to beat Snake with it.

Toon Link's unconscious bleeding form fell out of the open taxi door in the tree.

Ike landed on the mat, breathing heavily. Koopa stared, raising an eyebrow like Phil-er, Koopa usually did.

Mewtwo landed on top of Ike, panting.

Ike tried to push him off.

Jigglypuff hopped out the taxi cheerfully.

"Hi, my names Matt!" said a random guy, walking up to the racers.

"MAAAAAAATT" screamed Jigglypuff, tackling Matt.

Lucario got a lamp pole and beat Marth who was walking by with it.

Toon Link was tossed onto the mat by Jigglypuff.

Lucario, with surprising accuracy for one who was intoxicated, threw the Lamp at Jigglypuff, successfully knocking her a great distance away.

Snake regained Consciousness, and reached for the mat.

Roy touched the mat.

Ike crushed Snake's hand just before it touched the mat.

Marth rubbed his broken nose and crawled towards the mat.

Mewtwo and Ike, the only ones on the mat, began to have a fist fight, drunkenly.

Lucario was 10 yards away from the mat.

Snake went to reach for the mat one more time.

Marth got on his feet and made his way for the mat.

Jigglypuff floated towards the mat, Toon Link on the mat, unconscious.

Lucario was 6 yards away from the mat and closing the distance.

Snake was inches away from touching the mat.

Marth tackled Lucario, and their bodies went flying directly towards the mat.

Marth and Lucario hit Ike and Mewtwo, respectively, off the mat.

Jigglypuff was above the mat, and she made herself drop.

Snake was a centimeter away from the mat.

Ike threw the bucket, and by freak chance, hit Snake's hand away from the mat.

Mewtwo scrambled back onto the mat, followed by Ike, Lucario, and Marth.

Jigglypuff was still dropping.

Snake was still trying to touch the mat.

"...Team Mewtwo and Lucario, you're team number one!" said Koopa. "And your prize is this small piece land! Which is Fox's, but no one likes him, and his popularity has gone down the drain!"

"Welcome to Corneria!" smiled Peppy Hare.

"ITS OVER NINE THOUSAAAND" said Mewtwo and Lucario, drunk but grinning.

"..." said Koopa and Peppy.

"Marth and Ike, you're team number two!" said Koopa.

"We almost won! Almost won!" sobbed Marth, going into tears.

Jigglypuff was still slowly dropping down.

Snake was still reaching out to touch the mat.

Jigglypuff landed on the mat.

Roy forced Snake's hand to touch the mat.

"Teams Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Roy and Snake, you're team numbers three and four, respectively!" smiled Koopa.

"Yay, our _third _third place!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"Our worst performance yet," groaned Roy, rubbing his head. "We had been in first so long, and now we screwed up right at the most important part!"

"I hear that you, Toon Link and Jigglypuff, have a money problem," said Koopa. "How much longer will you be in that danger zone?"

"We used all our money at the race to the pit stop! So we have zero dollars again!" said Jigglypuff, dumping the wallet to show there was nothing in there.

A Cosmo magazine fell out.

"Uh...uh...your Cosmo magazine...fell out..." said Koopa.

"It's not mine! It's Toon Link's!" said Jigglypuff.

Everyone stared.

_Marth and Ike  
After-leg Interview_

"We're depressed that the Twins beat us to the mat, but next leg we're gonna beat them to it!" said Marth bravely. "Nothing will stop us!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
After-leg Interview_

"I think we need to teach the Twins a lesson!" said Jigglypuff angrily. "They were mean to us! So that means they need nice lessons!"

_Roy and Snake  
After-leg Interview_

"We made our worst leg today...but we're not afraid. We've not gotten lower than fourth! So we're going to stay in the top all the way to the finish line!" said Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On The Long Way_

"It's 8:18, we're left behind," sobbed Falcon. "We had done so well when we were high, yet we weren't able to enjoy the lead we had!"

"We have one more pole to shoot...before we're done, dude," said Ganondorf, "So let's finish and get to the mat."

"I forgot who U-Turned us, man..." said Falcon.

"We can see who on the way to the mat, this wasn't a blind u-turn dude..." said Ganondorf.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Roadblock! Who's good with heights?" read Ness. "You are!"

He threw Pikachu off the edge, without a harness whatsoever.

"Pikachu never gets hurt, no matter the challenge!" explained Ness to the camera, "It's weird, whenever he falls from huge heights, he barely gets a scratch!"

Ness ran back down the stairs to retrieve their clue.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're almost to the big building in the middle of the city!" said Link.

"The sun is setting," said Yoshi.

"Darn it Yoshi, be more dramatic! We've only made it this far because we're so popular! Entertain the watchers!" said Link angrily.

"I say one somewhat serious line, and you yell at me? I don't think we can be friends," said Yoshi angrily.

"That's right, be dramatic! Bring in drama!" said Link.

"And we're never being friends again!" said Yoshi, walking away.

"Perfect Yoshi, perfect!" said Link, clapping. "This is just what we need!"

...

"Yoshi? Yoshi, where are you?" asked Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Completed Detour_

"We're done! We need to go back to that U-turn mat!" said Ganondorf excitedly, "Dude, we're still in this!"

"There, let's get to da mat, dude!" said Falcon, posing.

They stumbled back towards the mat which was a mile away.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Pikachu! Hey! I made it down!" smiled Ness, walking up to the Pikachu.

"I can't believe you did that!" sobbed Pikachu, crying.

"Oh relax, man, you never get hurt!" chuckled Ness, wagging a hand.

"Make your way to the local bar, Caruso Bar!" read Ness.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"There's the kid!" said Yoshi excitedly. "We caught up!"

"Good luck finishing the Roadblock! Ha ha you suckers!" laughed Ness, running past them.

"Roadblock? How did he finish a roadblock that fast?" asked Link, confused.

"Doesn't matter, let's just go!" said Yoshi, "We need to do this roadblock!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Fox's house!" read Falcon.

"Alright, dude, we're almost to that pit stop. We need to find where it is!" said Ganondorf wisely.

"Taxi!" said Falcon, hailing a taxi.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friend?!_

"Take us to Caruso bar!" exclaimed Ness happily.

The taxi driver turned and looked at Ness funny.

"Uh...a bar?" asked the driver.

"Yeah! Me and my friend Pikachu here, we're on a race, see! So we need to go to this bar!" said Ness.

"I don't think I should say anything..." muttered the driver nervously.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We are almost to the top!" said Link, waiting inside the elevator.

It opened and the Lawyers ran out, towards the clue.

"You know, last season, I watched the episode where they came here to Corneria, and they went to this same building, too!" chuckled Yoshi.

"Yeah, yeah, just hurry and let's finish this," sighed Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Okay, search it on some stalker site, we can trust them to follow Fox!" said Ganondorf.

"Thank god for stalkers!" said Falcon.

They noticed they were being followed by a taxi.

"I take that back, stop them god!" cried Falcon, hiding in the seat.

_The other taxi_

"Why won't they stop?!" asked Slippy Toad, confused. "All I want to do is give them the money they dropped a while back!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friend?!_

"We have to be there quick!" said Ness to the taxi driver, "I pay more to the guys who get there fast!"

"You payed me three pennies!" said the taxi driver.

Ness gave puppy dog eyes to him.

"Like that'll change anything," said the driver angrily.

Ness gave puppy dog eyes to him.

"Uh...you can stop that now..." said the driver.

Ness gave puppy dog eyes to him.

"Seriously, you're not being convincing...." said the driver nervously.

Ness gave puppy dog eyes to him.

"Okay! Okay, fine, I'll take you there!" said the driver angrily.

"Yay!" said Ness and Pikachu, buckling up.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"I'm doing the roadblock..." said Link, getting on his harness.

"The kid's taxi is just now taking off!" said Yoshi, watching the best friends with a binoculars.

"Good, we're starting now!" cheered Link, starting to scale downwards.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Great! I found the location!" said Ganondorf. "It's 8:30, so we can get there by 8:35!"

"Good, my head hurts man," said Falcon.

"Mine too, I wanna take a nap so bad..." said Ganondorf, rubbing his head.

"Driver, follow this map to Fox's House!" exclaimed Falcon.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're almost there, I can almost see it!" said Ness, "The bar!"

The car quickly approached there, going down the street towards it.

"We're so far ahead of the Lawyers!" said Pikachu happily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Completed Roadblock_

"We finished the roadblock, let's go!" said Link, landing down.

"Make your way to the local bar, Caruso bar!" read Yoshi, who took the clue as Link was unstrapped.

"We're speeding through this!" said Link happily, getting unstrapped.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Arrived at the Pit Stop_

"There it is!" said Falcon, pointing.

The two Frat boys hopped out of the taxi and ran towards the house.

They opened the door, and left a muddy trail through the house.

"I'm hungry!" whined Falcon, running into Fox's kitchen.

He came back out, having eaten all in the pantry.

"I'm good," said Falcon, following Ganondorf onto the mat.

"Falcon and Ganondorf, you are the fifth team to arrive," said Koopa Troopa.

Falcon and Ganondorf frowned.

"However, you have not followed the clues exactly," said Koopa.

"What did we do?" asked Falcon, going into tears. "We didn't do it on purpose, we were high, darnit!"

"Uh...you actually did something that has never actually happened before," mused Koopa, "you're the first team to do _the same exact side of the detour when you were U-turned_..."

"Dammit!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"I need to know how long your penalty is..." said Koopa, surfing through the rule book. "We can't find it...my assistant is telling me it will be a one hour penalty!"

"Oh noes!" said the racers dramatically.

"It started thirty seconds ago, go sit down over there on that bench." said Koopa.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Penalized: 0:59:21_

"We sure screwed up..." said Falcon ashamedly, "And we even made the mistake when we were sober!"

"Maybe we can nap now!" realized Ganondorf.

They began to take shifts in naps.

"I don't understand half the teams..." sighed Koopa, shaking his head.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Teams must now drink a shot of whiskey for their next clue?!" screamed Ness.

"We have to get drunk for our clue!" said Pikachu excitedly.

"LAY IT ON ME!1" yelled Ness, holding out a shot glass.

The bartender stared at Ness weird.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Almost to the bar," said Yoshi. "We are two blocks away!"

"I think we're doing good, we may be right behind that kid!" said Link.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Oh yeah, baby!" said Ness, chugging the whiskey whole.

He noticed Pikachu wasn't drinking his.

"Why aren't you drinking it?" asked Ness angrily, "We need to stay ahead of the other team!"

"I can't!" said Pikachu.

"Oh, this excuse again?" asked Ness.

Ness force-fed Pikachu the stuffed animal the whiskey shot.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Teams must now drink a shot of whiskey for their next clue!" said Link. "Sweet, the kid'll be easy to beat at this!"

Ness ran past them, carrying Pikachu.

Yoshi and Link grunted angrily.

"Shots, please!" said Link.

They got two glass shots.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Penalized: 0:46:03_

"Little time has gone by," said Ganondorf, as Falcon took the first nap.

...

"Sure is quiet here." said Ganondorf.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Make yer way to Starwolf base! In the hangar is your next clue!" read Ness. "Come on, let's do thisch!"

"I think we're doing very well!" exclaimed Pikachu, following Ness to the best of the abilities that a stuffed animal could.

"There'scch little time Pikschacschu!" said Ness drunkenly.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"HIYA!" said Link, chugging his shot down.

He turned to Yoshi.

"Well, chug yours down so we can leave!" said Link angrily.

"No, I'll take it one sip at a time!" argued Yoshi.

He took a few sips.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friend?!_

"Almoscht there..." said Ness, staggering forward on the road.

Cars swerved to avoid hitting him.

"Made it!" said Ness, grinning. "Wait...Pischkacschu?"

He looked around and saw Pikachu on the other side of the road.

Ness angrily (and drunkenly) got out a leash.

He walked back to Pikachu, cars barely missing him, then put the leash on Pikachu.

"Schtupid Pischkaschu..." grumbled Ness angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

Yoshi took a sip.

...

Yoshi took another sip.

...

Yoshi took another sip.

...

Link sneakily took the shot and drank the rest quickly.

"Uh...we're done!" said Yoshi.

"Make your way to Starwolf base, there in the hangar you will find your next clue!" read Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Penalized: 0:36:55_

"Our penalization is almost halfway through, so we're hoping the other teams don't catch up..." muttered Falcon, who was the one who wasnt napping at the moment.

...

"Can I go to the bathroom? I gotta pee," said Falcon.

"First room on the left," sighed Koopa.

Falcon ran in.

He came back out a minute later.

"I'm good," said Falcon.

Water seeped out of the house and got to his feet.

"Uh...you left the water running..." said Koopa.

"Oops!" laughed Falcon, running back in to turn it off.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We are doing schooo well!" smiled Ness, stone drunk.

They took the clue, Pikachu still on a leash.

"Detour, The Long Way or the Hard Way?" read Pikachu. "Dang, you're drunk and both tasks are gonna be hard...I say the Hard Way, though."

"Hard Way it issch," said Ness, smiling.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We've made it this far, surely a kid won't beat us due to the alcohol...?" said Link nervously.

"We can do this!" said Yoshi, running across the street randomly like Ness did.

He got run over.

"NO WE CAN'T!" cried Yoshi, bleeding.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Penalized: 0:33:10_

"We got here at 8:40, so we can check in by 9:40!" said Falcon simply. "We haven't seen the last two teams yet, maybe we're still in this!"

"We will, believe me!" said Ganondorf dramatically.

...

"What if we don't, and we get eliminated?" asked Falcon.

"DONT RUIN THE EPICNESS!1" said Ganondorf angrily.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On The Hard Way_

"We're moving onward," grinned Pikachu, "almost got these cords in!"

"Almosccht...done..." muttered Ness incoherently, sticking in cords at the random.

"We think the Lawyers will show up at any given moment, so we need to hurry!" said Pikachu.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We need to catch the kid!" said Link desperately.

"But how can we cross this dangerous road?" asked Yoshi, pointing to the road.

Link threw a soda can.

It got run over the instant it hit the road.

It then flew back and belted Link in the face.

"Wow," said Yoshi.

"I have an idea!" smiled Link, face bruised.

_Five minutes later..._

"I feel silly," said Yoshi, dressed as a giant orange cone.

"Relax, I saw professionals do this once," chuckled Link.

Yoshi realized something.

"This wouldnt happen to be from Toy Story 2, now, would it?!" asked Yoshi, horrified.

"Yes!" said Link, running across the road in the same suit as Yoshi.

Yoshi watched as Link was narrowly missed several times.

"Maybe I'll be lucky like that too!" lamented Yoshi thoughtfully.

He ran onto the road.

And was run over.

"I'm smaller than you," explained Link.

Yoshi bled to death.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Penalized: 28:55_

"We're slightly more than halfway through our penalty!" said Falcon. "I think we can make it!"

"Of course we're gonna make it!" said Ganondorf angrily, "Dude, you gotta believe in yourself!"

Falcon cried.

"I'm such a pessimist!" screamed Falcon, goring Peppy Hare to death.

Koopa Troopa and Ganondorf stared nervously.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On The Hard Way_

"Almoscht done," said Ness, smiling stupidly as he added more wires in quickly.

"We're about done!" said Pikachu nervously, looking behind.

Ness hooked a wire to Pikachu.

"What are you-"

Ness started the bomb.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!1" screamed Pikachu, desperately trying to take the wires off of him.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Detour! The Long Way or The Hard Way?" read Yoshi.

"I totally say the Long Way, my green friend," said Link.

"I find that offensive," said Yoshi angrily.

"What are you gonna do, shoot me?" laughed Link.

Yoshi shot Link so hard that he died. Yes, both of them.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Penalized: 26:09_

"We're ticking it down, no teams have appeared, and we have twenty six minutes left!" said Falcon, relieved.

"I'm not worried dude," said Ganondorf.

"Yeah, the last two teams are so far behind!" said Falcon.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Completed Detour_

"Yeesch, I gots it!" said Ness drunkenly, taking the clue and cheering.

"Make yer way back outschide," read Ness. "Warning, U-Turn ahead!"

"Come on, we could totally U-Turn the Lawyers if needed!" said Pikachu.

The two Best Friends walked out.

_Link and Yoshi  
On The Long Way_

The two hopped inside a Landmaster and drove towards Fox's base.

"Wow, someone decimated a few buildings!" said Yoshi, shocked. "Must've gone psycho or something!"

"I think we need to be careful around the competition, this looks terrible," said Link nervously.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Penalized: 17:45_

"We have seventeen minutes left, and no teams have shown up!" said Falcon, posing. "I have faith that we're still in this now!"

"Seventeen minutes, thirty seven seconds and counting," said Ganondorf, looking at his watch.

"HYEZ!" said Falcon, posing.

"We sure screwed up this leg, I just hope we get to catch up to the others dude," said Ganondorf.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

The Best Friends ran towards the mat in an epic fashion.

"We choose to U-turn the Lawye-aw man, we already used our powers! After all the epicness, too!" said Ness angrily.

"Actually, this wasn't very epic," sniffed Pikachu.

Ness ignored him and opened the next clue.

"Make your way to the pit stop, Fox's house!" read Ness, "Last team to check in, may be eliminated!"

_Link and Yoshi  
On The Long Way_

"There's Starfox base!" pointed out Yoshi.

"You know, we're really boring, we need more drama," said Link, aiming.

"Oh, what, this again?" asked Yoshi angrily. "We don't need drama! Drama is a distraction, we'll get caught up!"

They shot one of the poles.

"Oh yeah? I happen to think it's a good _idea_," said Link angrily, turning to Yoshi, firing wildly.

He shot another one.

"Yeah, I think it's lame," said Yoshi angrily, taking the controls, shooting wildly.

Yoshi hit two more poles.

"I don't think so!" said Link angrily, glaring at Yoshi.

They shot the last pole.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way back to the entrance of Starwolf," read Link angrily, "Warning, U-Turn ahead!"

"I think you're stuck up," said Yoshi angrily.

"I don't like your attitude," said Link angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Penalized: 8:12_

"Eight minutes left, twelve seconds," called out Ganondorf.

"No teams! This is great!" smiled Falcon.

"The teams have been here for an hour and thirty minutes, plenty time to get to the whiskey task..." lamented Ganondorf.

"And maybe, just maybe, the Detour!" said Falcon.

"Yeah, they can't be any further than that," said Ganondorf.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friend?!_

"We have to find Fox's house!" said Ness.

"Okay, there's little time to-" said Pikachu before someone walked up.

"Aw look, little baby has a friend!" said some random bully evilly.

"Oh noes, my arch enemy!" said Ness.

The bully stole Pikachu the stuffed animal.

"I'm taking your toy, baby!" said the bully, cackling evilly.

"NUUUUEZ!1 I Need him to function...to win the million dollars!" said Ness desperately, having a nervous breakdown.

"So...he's worth lots of money?" gasped the bully.

"Uh...no..." sweated Ness nervously.

"See ya!" said the bully, running off with Pikachu.

He ran inside the house that had been 100 yards away.

"Battle strategies!" called out Ness dramatically, putting on a paper hat.

He huddled by himself, and starting talking to himself.

"Operation: Rescue shall take place now!" said Ness dramatically.

He walked up to the house and rang the doorbell.

"Hello?" asked some random parent.

"Hahhaha!" cackled Ness, running inside.

"What the...?" said the parent angrily.

Ness looked around quickly.

"Where is he?" asked Ness angrily, searching around.

The parent grabbed him and threw him out.

"Curses!" said Ness angrily. "Plan B..."

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place_

"We can't U-turn anyone, so..." said Link, taking the clue. "Make your way to the pit stop, Fox's house..."

"We're at the end! Hurry!" said Yoshi nervously, running forward.

"I feel a footrace coming up..." said Link sheepishly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Penalized: 3:00_

"Three minutes!" said Ganondorf, "Three minutes left!"

"We're doing great!" said Falcon, "Still no sign of the other teams!"

"We can do this," said Ganondorf shakily, "We're still in this!"

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Girl scout cookies!" called out Ness.

The parent opened the door.

Ness ran in, cackling evilly.

He quickly looked around.

"Where's my friend?" asked Ness angrily.

He was thrown out.

"Curses," said Ness angrily.

_five minutes later..._

Ness walked up to a side window that was open and... ...used his bat to smash it.

Ness jumped through the window and landed in an empty bath tub.

"Zounds, I must find my friend, no matter the cost!" said Ness dramatically.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Taxi!" called out Link.

"Find this place!" said Yoshi, pointing to the clue.

"I dunno where that is," said the taxi driver.

"Oh noes, we're awful at navigating! We're gonna lose!" said Link, horrified.

_Advertisement_

"Ever feel lonely? Tired? Depressed?" asked Kirby, "If so, you should buy this doll!"

"It even has lots of buttons!" boomed some random voice as Kirby held up the doll, the voice sounding like Quinn's.

"You can order your happy doll at Kirby and Quinn's R us, for only 15.55!" said Kirby dramatically.

"Don't buy it! It's a-" Kirby muffled Pichu who had ran in.

"Call today, at 666-777-8888!" said Kirby dramatically.

Pichu was squirming, being tied up.

_Link and Yoshi_

"We're awful at navigating! We're gonna lose!" said Link, horrified.

"This may get us eliminated!" said Yoshi, shocked.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Time Penalization Complete_

"Falcon and Ganondorf, your penalty is over," said Koopa.

They hurriedly stepped onto the mat.

"Falcon and Ganondorf, you're team number five," said Koopa Troopa. "Seems like you've had a rough time."

"We sure have, we made mistakes when we were sober, and we devastated our rep with the other teams, dude, but we're hanging in there..." sighed Falcon.

"I think we're lucky, and we can makes it to da finish line, dudes!" said Ganondorf optimistically.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We have terrible navigational skills! We're doomed," said Link bitterly.

"Look up Fox's house, it has to be somewhere!" said Yoshi inspirationally.

"I think we're done for!" said Link.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Must...find...Pikachu!" said Ness furiously, jumping into the kids' room.

He hid under the bed in time as the bully walked into his room.

"I think I'll sell the stuffed animal on ebay!" said the bully thoughtfully.

"Dirty swine," said Ness angrily.

"Hmm, I'll go look things up on Ebay now, and leave this stuffed animal right here for the next twelve minutes, completely unsupervised!" said the bully.

"Yes," said Ness.

"Maybe I'll take it with me to the bowling alley!"

"No," said Ness.

"Or leave it here?" said the bully.

"Yes," said Ness.

"I'll leave it here!"

"Double yes," cheered Ness.

The bully walked out.

Ness grabbed Pikachu and jumped out of the window, secret-agent-in-a-movie style.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We need to find Fox's house, and fast!" said Link, horrified, "There's little time to waste!"

"This is so tense and nerve wracking!" cried out Yoshi.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"I think we can still make it, come on Pikachu!" smiled Ness.

"Maybe the Lawyers still aren't done!" said Pikachu hopefully.

"Run and ask the local over there where Fox's house is!" said Ness hurriedly.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Come on, we have to find the place before that kid!" said Yoshi hysterically.

"Must find Fox's house!" screamed Link, foaming at the mouth.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Excuse me! Where's Fox's house!" said Ness.

"Being a stalker sure has its advantages!" smiled the man. "I'll lead you there!"

"Huzzah!" said Ness and Pikachu.

They followed him inside a house.

...

...

Ness and Pikachu ran out, screaming like little girls.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Click that site, right there!" said Yoshi, panicking. "We are almost there!"

"It says the next block! Let's go!" screamed Link.

They threw out their taxi driver and hit the gas.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"We're lost, we need a taxi," said Pikachu.

"Look! A taxi!" said Ness, pointing at the Lawyers' taxi, "Surely the safe drivers won't hit us because we're cute, and-"

The taxi hit them, and Ness hung onto the hood of the car for dear life with Pikachu.

_Link and Yoshi_

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!1" screamed Link, Yoshi, Ness and Pikachu, seeing each other.

The car swerved left and right, narrowly missing other cars.

They got closer and closer to Fox's house, and then they crashed through the house.

_At the Pit Stop_

Koopa the host watched as the Lawyer's taxi burst through the second floor, Ness and Pikachu screaming as they flew off the hood.

Pikachu landed on the mat, but Ness landed in the tree that had the Students' taxi in it.

Link and Yoshi swerved and hit the backyard fence.

Ness started to climb down the tree.

Link and Yoshi, bleeding, tried to unbuckle.

Ness hopped down the tree, spraining his ankle.

"OW!" said Ness angrily, clutching his ankle.

"Come on!" said Pikachu angrily.

Link hopped out of the car, Yoshi was stuck.

Yoshi called for help, and Link drew his sword, and started hacking the seat out.

Ness started crawling to the mat, which was 17 yards away.

Link continued to hack the seat with his sword.

Yoshi angrily pointed to the seat belt.

Link ignored him, and finished hacking the seat.

Ness crawled closer to the mat, lessening the distance to 10 yards.

Ness went underneath the taxi, towards the mat.

Link carried Yoshi's seat, struggling with the weight.

Yoshi merely shook him off and stood with the seat tied to him, by his seatbelt.

Ness covered more ground, leaving 6 yards.

Link ran onto the mat.

Ness crawled, having 3 yards to go.

Yoshi fell flat on his face, the weight of the seat becoming too much.

The taxi next to Yoshi blew up and flew into the sky.

Ness had less than a yard to go.

Yoshi swished out his tongue.

Ness reached out to touch the mat.

Link kicked Pikachu off the mat.

Ness touched the mat.

The taxi crushed Yoshi, stopping any movement of his.

Link grabbed Yoshi's tongue and forced it onto the mat.

"NUEZ!1" screamed Ness.

"Link and Yoshi, you're team number six!" said Koopa Troopa.

"We made it once again," breathed Yoshi with relief.

"Ness and Pikachu, You're the last team to arrive, and I'm sorry to say..."

"Unfair, I say!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Agreed!" cried out Ness furiously.

"...You've been spared this leg with a non-elimination, at a huge cost!" finish Koopa Troopa.

"Woot!" said Ness and Pikachu.

"Next leg you shall encounter a Speed Bump, an extra task that only you have to do, no other team has to do it!" explained Koopa.

"Curses," said Ness, fuming.

"We did good, eh, Yoshi?" chuckled Link.

Blood started to seep from under the taxi.

"Uh...Yoshi...you there...?" asked Link, chuckling nervously.

Yoshi didn't answer.

**Finish Times:**

Mewtwo and Lucario: 8:14 PM

Marth and Ike: 8:15 PM

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 8:16 PM

Roy and Snake: 8:16 PM

Falcon and Ganondorf: 9:40 PM

Link and Yoshi: 10:33 PM

Ness and Pikachu: 10:34 PM

Well, now that we're at _this_ part, I may as well get to the point! This is the part where you review, and tell me you liked it, whether or not you actually did!

So go and review, tell me your favorites, hates, who you shall think shall win, and don't forget to vote for your favorite teams on my profile poll!

Oh, and happy Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday day?!


	6. One Million Dollars, Here I Come!

"Last time on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race," said Koopa, "Seven remaining teams left Mushroom Kingdom to go to Corneria! Here, Mewtwo had gone high, which made Lucario make a confession!"

_"I'm sorry about all those mean things I did to you!" said Lucario. "I really didn't mean all of it, I'm just jealous of you!1"_

"Here, teams had to fight the effects of alcohol, making some...interesting...dillemas!"

_"Oh no!" gasped Roy, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol on him._

"Also, due to the Frat's before-hand intoxication, they rocketed themselves towards the front of the pack for most of the leg! However, inter-team drama led to the Twins U-turning the Frats!"

_"We choose to U-Turn... ...The Frat Boys." said Lucario, pasting the Frats' picture on the U-Turn board._

"This made the Frats fall behind, and it became a battle at the mat between the Twins, Swordsmen, Students and Father and Son!"

_Mewtwo scrambled back onto the mat, followed by Ike, Lucario, and Marth._

"...With the Twins landing in first for the second time in a row!"

_"...Team Mewtwo and Lucario, you're team number one!" said Koopa._

"And the U-turned Frats, regaining their soberity, accidentally did the same task twice, giving them a penalty!"

_"Uh...you actually did something that has never actually happened before," mused Koopa, "you're the first team to do __the _same exact side of the detour when you were U-turned..._"_

"And the last two teams faced off in a race to the mat, with Ness and Pikachu and Link and Yoshi, in a navigational test to the mat!"

_"Oh noes, we're awful at navigating! We're gonna lose!" said Link, horrified._

"And after a...unique...battle at the mat, Ness and Pikachu came last!"

_"Ness and Pikachu, You're the last team to arrive, and I'm sorry to say..."_

"But they were spared, with the first non-elimination of the race!" said Koopa.

_"Next leg you shall encounter a Speed Bump, an extra task that only you have to do, no other team has to do it!" explained Koopa._

"And now, Seven teams remain, who will be eliminated, next?" asked Koopa Troopa fiercely.

**The Teams (With their favorite hobbies):**

Falcon and Ganondorf (_Doing what us Frat dudes dooooooo_)

Marth and Ike (_Doing my job/Definitely not doing my job_)

Roy and Snake (_Playing 'Exploding Football' with each other_)

Ness and Pikachu (_Playing imaginary games with my real friend!_)

Mewtwo and Lucario (_Reading and chess?/Destroying my younger brother's pathetic dreams_)

Link and Yoshi (_Scam citi-I mean, giving people what they deserve...in court!1_)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (_Studying for school/Copying off of Toon Link's paper!_)

"Can team Mewtwo and Lucario stay ahead, after winning two legs in a row? Will Toon Link and Jigglypuff overcome their money problem? Is Link and Yoshi going to stay in the race much longer? Can Falcon and Ganondorf score a spot in the top five for once? And will Ness and Pikachu pull out of last place, despite their obvious handicap and stay in the race?"

"Team Mewtwo and Lucario, who were first to arrive at 8:14 PM, will Depart at 8:14 AM!" said Koopa Troopa.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
1st to Depart; 8:14 AM_

"Well, we're leaving in the morning," said Mewtwo as he ripped open the clue.

"So you're sure you don't remember anything that happened the past 18 hours?" asked Lucario cautiously.

"Yeah, I have a headache though..." mumbled Mewtwo, rubbing his head.

Lucario gave a malicious, evil smile, silently chuckling to himself.

"So...we better hurry, the other teams are coming out," said Lucario, still cackling evilly, as Mewtwo hailed a taxi.

Mewtwo eyed Lucario nervously, and took the bags.

"Okay, buy ferry tickets to The Great Sea," read Mewtwo, as he underlined important words.

_"Teams must now buy two tickets to board a ferry, which will escort them across the empty section of the ocean, and will reach the most northwestern island of a collection of islands in a section of the world's Ocean called, 'The Great Sea'!" said Koopa Troopa._

"You have 20 dollars for this leg of the race!" finished Mewtwo, checking the money.

Their taxi drove off, just as Marth and Ike approached the mat.

_Marth and Ike  
2nd to Depart; 8:15 AM_

"There goes the twins!" said Ike, pointing.

"Calm down, ten seconds left until we can leave," said Marth, checking his watch.

...

"So how about now?" asked Ike.

"Eight second are left," said Marth angrily.

"What about now?" asked Ike.

"Seven seconds! Stop asking!" said Marth.

"And now?"

"Five seconds!" said Marth angrily.

"Now now now?" asked Ike.

"STOP ASKING." said Marth.

...

"We have to take two tickets to board a ferry!" read Marth, three seconds later. "Come on, we can catch up!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Roy and Snake  
3rd and 4th to Depart; 8:16 AM_

"Buy two tickets to a ferry, which will take the teams to the closest Great Sea island!" read Jigglypuff and Roy.

"Let's buy tickets together," suggested Toon Link.

"Thats fine by us," said Roy. "We can take a cab together, also."

Snake hailed a taxi, and they put their bags inside.

"Wait!" said Jigglypuff, "What about Ness?"

"It'll be a while before he comes out," explained Toon Link, "He understands."

"Oh," said Jigglypuff, buckling up.

_Roy and Snake  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Me and dad lived with each other for like, the first six years of my life," explained Snake with a fake grin, "And when I was seven I was taken away by a secret government society to help stop several nuclear wars!"

"My son has grown up to be such a man..." said Roy, reminiscing, "He grew up on the farm with me, and look at him now..."

The production crew stared at Snake's tall, buff, muscular body, and then at Roy's smaller, not as firm body.

"Uh...your son sure got lean..." said Koopa, observantly.

"I'm glad he's become such a down-to-earth man who's caring..." said Roy, sighing happily.

"He has...blood all over him..." said Koopa nervously.

"You'll find some very good qualities in my son that you won't find in many other people...He's smart, caring, thoughtful..." Roy continued on, unaware.

"He's loading his handgun," said Koopa angrily.

Snake cackled and aimed his gun at Koopa.

"HE'S FIRING," screamed Koopa, shaking Roy.

"And kind, funny, curious, observant..." droned on Roy, still unaware.

Koopa got shot and bled on Roy.

"And he sure can look out for himself, and- hey, What's this blood doing here?" asked Roy, confused at Koopa's blood.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
1st on 11:00 AM Ferry_

"We're gonna be on really small islands," explained Mewtwo. "So obviously we're gonna be using boats to travel."

"Sucks that you have a fear of water!" said Lucario, grinning.

Mewtwo tried to ignore him.

"I said, sucks that you-"

"Shut up! You have a fear of fire!" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Wow, you guys are complete opposites," mused the cameraman.

"What do you mean?" asked Mewtwo and Lucario at the same time, angrily.

"Well, Mewtwo likes sushi, enjoys reading, hates steak, hates smoking and has a fear of water," explained the cameraman, "And Lucario hates sushi, hates reading, likes steak, loves smoking and has a fear of fire."

...

"By Jove, he's right!" said Lucario and Mewtwo in unison.

_Marth and Ike  
2nd on 11:00 AM Ferry_

"We are with the twins on the same ferry," said Ike.

"Hopefully we're the only two teams on this ferry," sighed Marth.

"I see the other two teams approaching." said Ike.

_Roy and Snake_

"Can you get us two tickets for this ferry?" asked Roy nervously.

"I can try, I don't know how much room is left," explained the ferry line worker.

She started typing down stuff on the computer.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Two tickets to the 11 AM ferry, please?" begged Toon Link, "We have only a little money, just 20 dollars..."

The ferry worker saw the two cute kids.

"No," said the worker.

"What?" said Toon Link and Jigglypuff angrily.

"I'm not letting you on," said the worker.

"Come on Jiggles, let's go beg for some more money," said Toon Link angrily, dragging Jigglypuff out.

_Roy and Snake_

"The students left, they dont have enough money still!" said Roy. "Too bad it wasn't the Swordsmen or those Frats, I kind of liked the kids."

"Better them than us!" said Snake wisely, taking two tickets.

_Roy and Snake  
3rd on 11:00 AM Ferry_

"Let's get on quickly!" said Roy, pocketing the tickets and jogging towards their ferry's section.

"I think the kids may end up on a later ferry!" said Snake, smiling menacingly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Would you give some kind kids some money?" asked Toon Link, making a cute face.

They gave him 20 cents.

"Come on!" said Toon Link angrily, "20 cents? Seriously?"

Toon Link realized it was a hobo.

"Oh," said Toon Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
5th to Depart; 9:40 AM_

"Buy two tickets to the 11 AM ferry!" read Falcon.

"Let's go!" said Ganondorf.

"Why are we saying everything so profusely!" said Falcon.

"What!" asked Ganondorf.

"I said! Why are we saying everything so profusely!" said Falcon.

"Oh, the exclamation points!" said Ganondorf.

"Yeah!" said Falcon. "About those! We're trying to seem exciting, and periods don't do the job very well!"

"Oh," said Ganondorf!

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Look, the kids who helped us!" said Falcon, pointing.

The two Frats ran over to them.

"Why aren't you at the ferry yet?" asked Falcon.

"We don't have enough money!" explained Toon Link.

"Well, because you were so nice to us, we're gonna help you guys!" said Ganondorf, holding money.

"Follow us." said Falcon, jogging inside the ferry building.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
4th on 11:00 AM Ferry_

"We're on the ferry with the others!" said Falcon, smiling.

"I feel a lot better, helping those kids out," said Ganondorf.

"I hope they land in the top five with us," said Falcon.

"Yeah," agreed Ganondorf, taking their tickets.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
5th on 11:00 AM Ferry_

"I guess what happened today shows that kindness really can pay off!" said Toon Link, taking their tickets appreciatively.

"Yeah, we're so nice!" said Jigglypuff, reaching into the charity pot nearby and stuffing a pound of money in her backpack.

"Jiggles, you can't do that!" said Toon Link angrily.

"I just did do it," pointed out Jigglypuff.

"It's against the law!" said Toon Link.

"Well then...uh...you can...fall...asleep...yeah..." said Jigglypuff uncomfortably.

"Uh...how?" asked Toon Link.

"Like this!" said Jigglypuff, starting to sing horribly.

Toon Link fell asleep.

"Ha! Take that!" said Jigglypuff, cackling maniacally.

The Charity organizer glared angrily at Jigglypuff.

"What?" asked Jigglypuff angrily, taking more money.

_Link and Yoshi  
6th to Depart; 10:33 AM_

"Buy two tickets to the Great Sea islands!" read Yoshi.

"We're going to try to stay ahead of that kid this leg," said Link. "Just like last time!"

"He'll end up like the others we've edged out, he'll be gone and eliminated," said Yoshi, grinning menacingly.

"Come on, we have less than a minute before last place comes out!" said Link, scampering towards their pre-ordered taxi.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Last to Depart; 10:34 AM_

"Buy two ferry tickets to the Great Sea Islands," read Ness.

"We're last out, so we have to be extra careful," explained Pikachu.

"Still seven teams remaining, we can do this," said Ness.

"Yeah," said Pikachu.

_Link and Yoshi  
6th on 11:00 AM Ferry_

"We're on the ferry with everyone else!" said Yoshi excitedly, "We can stay with everyone else!"

"Okay, there's the other team, maybe they won't make it," mused Link.

Ness and Pikachu approached the same worker.

"Two tickets," said Ness nervously.

"Let me see if there's enough room," said the worker, typing away.

Five seconds of intense camera angles of Ness and Pikachu's nervous, tired faces.

"You're the last two on!" said the worker.

"YES!1" said Ness and Pikachu excitedly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Last on 11:00 AM Ferry_

"We're still in this!" said Pikachu with joy, as Ness took the tickets.

"Now to get on the ferry, 20 minutes left," said Ness smartly, passing the dumbfounded Lawyers.

"They made it!" cried Link and Yoshi angrily.

"Well, at least we're all caught up..." sighed Link, "With the other five teams!"

_"All teams are on the same ferry, 11 AM," explained Koopa Troopa. "It will reach its intended destination at the Forsaken Fortress Island, the closest Great Sea island."_

_12:00 PM  
Ferry Docked_

_Marth and Ike_

"Go! Go!" said Ike, pushing Marth in the direction towards the boats.

"We're ahead of the others!" pointed out Marth, as he fell face-first into their boat.

"The clues are in our boats," pointed out Ike, the clue next to Marth.

"Paddle to Forsaken Fortress, inside and next to the first stairs will your next clue be!" read Marth.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"There's still enough time to beat them!" said Ganondorf, running behind Falcon.

"Hurry!" screamed Falcon, throwing his bag into their paddle/oar boat.

"I see the kid coming up behind!" explained Ganondorf, Ness gaining on him.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Losing time!" yelled Ness, throwing Pikachu into his boat and hopping inside.

"I think we're at the top of the pack!" explained Pikachu excitedly.

_Roy and Snake_

"Fourth dad, I see the other three teams getting in their boats!" explained Snake, taking out a pistol.

"No guns!" yelled Roy angrily, taking the pistol and pointing it in the air. "You could kill something!"

He accidentally fired the gun, and a dead bird with a bullet through it landed next to him.

"Gasp!" gasped Roy.

"I know, I mean, who could have put this bird to sleep!" screamed Snake, inspecting the body.

Roy ashamedly hid the gun.

"WHO COULD HAVE DONE SUCH A THING?" cried Snake.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We're fifth you stupid idiot!" screamed Lucario, downing some whiskey and adjusting the backpack on his shoulder.

"I don't wanna die!" cried Mewtwo, pointing to the water.

"You have to put on safety equipment anyways," explained the nearby instructor.

"Oh!" said Mewtwo, relieved, putting on two of them.

"There's our boat, get in!" said Lucario angrily.

_Link and Yoshi_

"The others are headed for the boats!" explained Yoshi, pointing. "We have to go now!"

"I can't lose this gear, we need it!" cried out Link, putting on his backpack and trailing Yoshi.

"Kids are still behind us!" said Yoshi, relieved.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Still getting our bags!" said Toon Link.

He realized Jigglypuff had gone on without him.

Toon Link sighed.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Taking first," said a smug Falcon, him and Ganondorf paddling towards the looming Forsaken Fortress.

"Now if we can just stay ahead," said Ganondorf eagerly.

"This is the second time to start out a leg, leading the pack!" said Falcon, hitting Marth with his paddle as soon as he came close.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Ugh, its those longtime backpacker Frats," said Ike disgusted. "How are they still in this race?"

Marth, unaware, continued to bleed.

"Yeah, we'll teach them real good at a U-turn mat," said Ike angrily.

Marth, unaware, continued to bleed.

"It'll show 'em we're better," said Ike with a small smile.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Son, get in!" said Roy urgently. "We need to stay in second or third for most of the leg, and then at the end we can pass the others!"

"Good, we'll eliminate the competition," said Snake suspiciously, with shifty eyes.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Strap in!" explained Ness, pointing to the belts.

Ness strapped himself in, and then strapped Pikachu in.

"Paddle!" said Ness, paddling furiously.

He inched forward, by only two centimeters.

"Ugh," said Ness angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5th Place_

"I can see the kid," pointed out Mewtwo to Ness who was only four yards ahead now.

"Let's catch up, bro!" said Lucario noticing the three teams paddling away, around 40 yards away.

"Go, go, go!" said Lucario, noticing the fear in Mewtwo's eyes.

Mewtwo whimpered, then started paddling nervously.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"The twins, and the kid are just now paddling!" explained Yoshi, jumping in his boat. "Untie it!"

Link furiously tried to untie the boat, seeing the students running towards them, 60 yards away, running out of the ferry building.

"We're not last, just keep those two kids behind us!" explained Link, pointing.

"Okay, hurry!" panicked Yoshi, putting on his gear.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"There's three teams really out there, two more are just now taking off, and the lawyers are just now getting in the boat!" explained Toon Link as he jogged towards the boats quickly.

"I'm already here!" yelled out Jigglypuff angrily, in her boat.

Toon Link ignored her and walked towards there.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

The Frats paddled closer towards the Forsaken Fortress which was getting closer and closer.

"Almost there," said Falcon.

The Swordsmen paddled past them in a slow manner.

_Marth and Ike_

"Passed the frats!" exclaimed Ike.

"I see the entrance!" pointed out Marth.

Paddling closer, with the frats behind them, Marth and Ike cackled evilly.

_Roy and Snake_

"Just keep paddling after them, son..." explained Roy.

"We're a good team, I see the four other teams behind us!" said Snake, grinning as he indicated the Twins, Lawyers, Best Friends and Students.

"Twins are getting ready to pass us, paddle harder!" explained Roy.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"After them, come on!" said Lucario furiously, trying to paddle harder.

Water splashed in Mewtwo's face, making him have a panic attack.

The boat tipped over.

"MEWTWO YOU IDIOT!1" said Lucario angrily, slapping Mewtwo.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Haha, see the Twins ahead!" laughed Ness, pointing. "They tipped already..."

"Laughing at someone's misfortune?" asked Pikachu. "...Is terrific!"

They gave a thumbs up at the camera.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Pass those kids!" screamed Yoshi frantically, trying to pass Ness.

"Hi Lawyer guys!" smiled Ness, waving. "Look, the twins fell out of their boat!"

"Pain is always funny, as long as it's at someone else's expense!" chuckled Link.

Ness, Link and Yoshi all pointed and laughed at Mewtwo and Lucario.

"You guys are mean!" sniffed Mewtwo, desperately trying to swim.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

The Students merely paddled past the three teams, who were all distracted at the moment.

"Good job Jiggles, we're fourth now," explained Toon Link, satisfied.

"We're so good!" cheered Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Mewtwo you damn idiot," said Lucario, breaking the whiskey bottle on Mewtwo's head.

"Why do you treat me this way?" sobbed Mewtwo.

_"I think we're the team to win the million dollars," explained Mewtwo in a voice over which had been said before the leg._

"You're an idiot, that's why," explained Lucario, trying to get back into the boat.

"But I got an A+ on this report card!" said Mewtwo, smiling insanely, holding out a report card that was five years old.

"I told you, only nerds get A-plusses," yelled Lucario, in the boat.

_"We work so good together, and we are athletically fit," explained Mewtwo in the voice-over._

"But I worked so haaaaard," cried Mewtwo, splashing water everywhere.

"You're such a nerd, Mewtwo, go learn how to be normal," snarled Lucario, kicking Mewtwo in the face.

_"And we have that companionship quality none of the other teams seem to have, which will help us!" finished Mewtwo in the voice over._

"Get in the boat already," said Lucario angrily.

Mewtwo bled on Lucario.

"Stupid! You bled on me!" said Lucario furiously.

"No..._**you're**_ stupid..." said Mewtwo angrily.

"Take it back!1" screamed Lucario childishly, having a mental breakdown, "Take it back that I'm not stooopiiid!"

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 1st Place_

"There's the clue," pointed out Marth quickly. "We're first!"

"Let's move it, the Frats are getting closer." said Ike, get it out of the boat.

"Detour," read Marth as he opened the clue. "Hide or Seek?"

_"Detour, a choice between two tasks! In this detour, they must choose to seek out opponents, or avoid them!"  
"In Hide, teams must start right here at this cluebox and sneak their way to the top of Forsaken Fortress. Once there, they can receive their next clue!"  
"In Seek, teams must go and find the bokoblins on the searchlights above! Once they have taken a marker from all three, the last one will give them their clue!"_

"We're doing Hide." said Marth to the approaching Ike.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"It's a Detour!" explained Falcon to Ganondorf who was walking to where the Swordsmen and Falcon were.

"Hide or Seek?" read Ganondorf. "I say Seek, we're not good at hiding..."

"Let's go!" said Falcon, following Marth and Ike up the stairs.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

less than half a minute later, Roy and Snake got out of their boat and walked up to the clue box.

"Detour, Hide or Seek?" read Roy. "I wonder what we should do!"

"Well, we should do Hide, it sounds more like my style," explained Snake. "After all, I'm the best infiltrationist the secret government has! I kill people so quietly, they don't know they're dead until they're dead!"

"Haha, funny joke," laughed Roy politely, "Now seriously, which task?"

"I'm not joking," said Snake, shifting his feet.

...

...

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"I see the entrance! Hurry, I've been here before so let's go!" explained Toon Link, paddling further ahead.

"Whee, this is fun!" said Jigglypuff, pressing a button on a remote.

"What did the button do?" asked Toon Link.

"You'll see...mwahahahah..." cackled Jigglypuff evilly, eyes turning blood-red.

"I hate it when you do that..." said Toon Link nervously.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5th Place_

"There's still two teams behind us, and I see Toon Link going through the entrance about 70 yards away..." said Ness, explaining what he saw to Pikachu.

"Hurry then!" said Pikachu angrily. "The two teams behind us are catching up!"

Suddenly, their boat exploded.

Due to the fact that there were starving children in Africa, and nobody was feeding them.

Forgot about that gag, didn't you?

Well I sure didn't.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We need to stick in fifth or fourth, that way we can last longer and not just be ahead of one team," mused Yoshi. "The stakes are getting high, there's only seven teams left!"

"I know, but just keep paddling and we can accomplish this!" said Link, paddling faster.

"For the million dollars!" cheered Yoshi, smacking Lucario with his paddle, slowing down the Twins who had been speeding near.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Augh!" said Lucario, falling into the water again. "Mewtwo you moron, help me!"

"..." said Mewtwo.

"Don't just stare, help with this!" screamed Lucario, flailing in the water.

Mewtwo began to get out Lucario's backpack.

"Don't you dare..." threatened Lucario, swearing under his breath furiously.

Mewtwo took out a whip.

"I'm warning you!" ranted Lucario, waving his fist in the air.

Mewtwo dumped all the other torture weapons into the water.

"That was the important bag!" screeched Lucario angrily.

"What about the food and water bags, huh?" asked Mewtwo angrily.

"Those aren't needed to live!" replied Lucario.

Mewtwo raised an eyebrow.

"Um...not as much...?" said Lucario.

_Marth and Ike  
On Hide_

"Do this as fast as you can, I can see those stupid father and son coming." said Ike angrily.

"They annoy me so much, along with the stupid kids, the stupid _delusional_ kid, the stupid scam-artist lawyers, the stupid psychotic Twins and the stupid dullard Frats!" finished Marth in anger.

"Dude, that's everyone else," pointed out Ike.

"Oh, so it is!" said Marth, suddenly cheerful.

_Roy and Snake  
On Hide_

"Hey, wasn't there a guy who was gonna help us?" asked Snake angrily, "Where did he go?"

"You shot him." said Roy angrily.

...

"Oh," said Snake.

...

"Was it for a good reason?" asked Snake.

"No," said Roy.

...

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Seek_

"We are so gonna own this task," said Falcon frattishly as he opened a beer can, dumped out all the liquid and ate the can itself.

"That's not cool, man," said Ganondorf, pointing to the can Falcon was eating.

"Neither are you!" said Falcon childishly.

Ganondorf angrily stared at him.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Detour, Hide or Seek?" read Toon Link.

"Hide, we're small!" cheered Jigglypuff.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Oh no! Spaceman Biff has lost one of his engines! He's going down!" screamed Ness, pretending he was in a spaceship.

"You're about to be passed, you know that right?" asked the cameraman.

"Shut up, we're about to crash, says Biff to his idiotic assistant," monologued Ness angrily.

"Fine then, though you're gonna lose!" said the cameraman.

"Quiet you, you're supposed to be filming!" replied Ness.

A team passed them.

"Why didn't you tell me a team was going to pass us?" cried Ness.

The fake audience applauded at the joke.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We're still barely edging in front of the Twins," explained Yoshi. "They're bickering so much, they're last!"

"Ha ha, if they keep this up, they're going to makes themselves get eliminated!" said Link joyfully.

"I just hope they continue..." said Yoshi, watching the nearby Twins make a heated argument.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're in last, and it's your fault!" yelled Lucario.

"You're the one who pushed me off the boat and made fun of me!" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Shut up, we're in last now!" groaned Lucario, picking up his paddle.

_Marth and Ike  
On Hide_

"Can't lose this," said Ike.

"The frats are ahead!" exclaimed Marth.

"Can't lose this!" explained Ike loudly.

"Father and son walking up!" exclaimed Marth.

"_Can't lose this!_" yelled Ike.

"Now the Students are running up those stairs!" exclaimed Marth.

"CANT LOSE THIS!" screamed Ike.

"And there's the besties, paddling towards the clue!" said Marth, now alarmed.

"_**CANT...LOSE...THIS...**_" screeched Ike, banging his forehead against Marth's at an alarming speed.

_Roy and Snake  
On Hide_

"Wow..." said Snake, looking behind.

"What's wrong?" asked Roy, confused.

"I just...noticed how tall Ganondorf is..." muttered Snake somewhat nervously.

_Snake_  
"I've never actually noticed how...tall Ganondorf is," explained Snake. "He's really tall, taller than me, and I'm about 6'4..."

"That would make him about 6'6!" said Roy.

"Quiet, this is my commentary," said Snake angrily, throwing duct tape at Roy's head.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Hide_

The two kids snuck past the commentating Father and son, and walked inside the building.

"That was easy," said Toon Link.

"That was easy," said the easy button, Jigglypuff giggling as she pressed it.

"That was easy," said the easy button, Jigglypuff giggling as she pressed it.

"That was easy," said the easy button, Jigglypuff giggling as she pressed it.

"That was easy," said the easy button, Jigglypuff giggling as she pressed it.

"Stop that," said Toon Link angrily, his eye twitching, raising his sword above Jigglypuff.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Detour, Hide or Seek?" read Ness casually.

"Hide, we're fairly short," explained Pikachu with ease.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Ugh, we're going so slow," mumbled Link as he fumbled with the boat's rope.

"Hurry and tie it, we're gonna be here for a while," explained Yoshi.

"Thats what I'm doing!" said Link angrily, still fiddling with the rope.

"But I thought you said to monologue!" said Yoshi confused, "To make the team moments more dramatic!"

"Too bad, I didnt want them that dramatic!" said Link, very dramatically.

"I hate this, I quit!" cried Yoshi, walking away in tears.

"Yoshi, you're too dramatic! And quit crying!" said Link angrily.

"You idiot, we're performing a drama!" said Yoshi furiously.

"You're just being_ too _dramatic, dummie," said Link, folding his arms.

"I quit this, you're so annoying," said Yoshi seriously.

"Stop making stuff up and help me!" said Link.

"Why do you keep irritating me?" asked Yoshi, depressed.

"Bye now!" waved Link angrily, shrugging off Yoshi.

Yoshi left angrily, leaving Link behind.

...

...

"I WAS KIDDING! HAHA, FUNNY JOKE!" cried Link, bursting into tears, "DONT LEAVE MEEEEE"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Still in the back with Lawyers and the kid," said Mewtwo.

"You're the worst excuse for a teammate! You suck," said Lucario angrily, taking out his whiskey bottle again.

"Dude, whiskey is like...unhealthy..." said Mewtwo, trying to think of a comeback for his older brother.

"Oh yeah? Well...your mom is unhealthy!" said Lucario quickly, trying to sound witty.

"But...but that doesnt make sense...because...Your Mom is my mom! It doesnt add up! I'm so confused!" yelled Mewtwo, having a nervous breakdown.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Hurry! Hurry! We're taking first, the others have gotten pretty distracted!" explained Toon Link in a panic, speeding ahead of his sluggish partner.

"Wait up!" puffed Jigglypuff, sweating as she waddled after.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
After-leg Interview_

"Jiggles has never been the athletic type," explained Toon Link, "And she cant go far..."

"What are you saying? I get a 50:12:24 on the mile! Can you beat that?" said Jigglypuff childishly.

"I got a 5:40," said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff angrily started running around the interview room, puffing.

_Five minutes later..._

"There!" gasped Jigglypuff, completely covered in sweat, "How was that?"

"I went to go get some fries, so I can't remember if it took four or five minutes for you to go in a complete circle around the room," said Toon Link, munching on fries.

Jigglypuff pouted for the rest of the day.

_Marth and Ike  
On Hide_

"The kids!" gasped Marth in shock. "They're leading the pack!"

"Don't let them beat us!" said Ike with anger, smashing the wall with his heavy sword.

"Sure, follow them dude," said Marth, following up the stairs.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Seek_

"Don't let anyone else pass us!" yelled Falcon, passing a clueless Roy.

"I think we're second!" smiled Ganondorf, also passing Roy.

They ran ahead, up a different set of stairs, leaving a hidden Snake and an oblivious Roy.

_Roy and Snake  
On Hide_

Snake hid in his box, sneaking up to a guard, while Roy hummed in the background, leaning against the wall behind, whistling.

Snake jumped out of his box and slit the guard's jugular vein, causing blood to splatter everywhere, on the floor and on the killer.

"Come on," said Snake in his husky voice, giving a gesture to a nervous Roy to come closer.

"Uh...is this legal?" asked Roy in a nervous tone.

"Of course it is!" snapped Snake angrily, scolding Roy.

"I'm getting tired of this killing charade!" said Roy angrily, throwing down his pack. "every time you kill someone, you're losing a gold star!"

"NUUEZ!1" cried Snake in horror, ripping his hair out, knees on the ground.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Hide_

"Everyone is on Hide except for those Frat boys," noticed Pikachu.

"Dude, follow everyone else, they're all following each other!" pointed out Ness.

"The Father and son are following the Swordsmen, who are following the Students!" snickered Pikachu.

"Follow that Father and son now!" exclaimed Ness, putting Pikachu in the baby carrier.

"Why...are you putting me in a baby carrier?" asked Pikachu furiously, trying to stay calm, twitching.

"Because you're such a rascally boy!" giggled Ness, teasing with Pikachu's hair.

"You're just creeping me out," said Pikachu, horrified.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"We can do this! We can do this, darnit!" said Link, walking to the clue box.

"Why do things always happen to us?" asked Yoshi aloud in anger.

"Just do the task!" said Link. "We're doing the one everyone else is doing."

_**5 MONTHS 5 DAYS 2 HOURS AND 47 MINUTES LATER**_

_Link and Yoshi_

"Okay, I think we've waited long enough, let's start the task!" said Yoshi excitedly.

Link was nowhere to be found.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're doing hide," said Lucario...demandingly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Completed Detour_

"All we have to do now is get of here, and we can-"

"WAIT ONE SECOND," said an ominous person. "Before you leave, I have photographic proof of your birth mother performing some...inappropriate things. You must pay me money to retrieve these photos and save your reputation, which wil-"

"What is my mom doing in the pictures?" asked Ness.

"Posing," said the man, "With a blue dic..."

Ness gasped.

"..tionary." finished the man.

"Oh," chuckled Ness, taking another picture, "Let me guess, in this one she's posing with a PINK Dictionary..."

Ness looked.

"ITS NOT PINK, ITS NOT PINK!" said Ness in horror.

_Marth and Ike  
Boyfriends_

"I thought they were Anger management people...?" said the cameraman, confused.

"Actually we are, but it's been so long since the author has written, that all the characters have different personalities!" said Ike.

"That's...that's nice..." said the cameraman.

"And not only that, but there will be plotholes! Lots and lots of plotholes! The characters will be undefined, broken; the spirit and humor of the story will be gone, and worst of all the sto-"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Why are we done with the task already?" said Roy surprised.

"Didn't you hear Marth's rant? There's gonna be a few plot holes here and there..." said Snake.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"I so want to beat Roy and Snake, they're so evil!" said Ganondorf.

"I think you mean Marth and Ike..." reminded Falcon.

"I mean Snake and Ike, my bad..." said Ganondorf.

"And I thought I was the stupid one of the group," mused Falcon.

"Shut up, Clyde!" said Wigglytuff angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"We're done with the task!" said Jigglypuff joyously.

"Wow, it feels like its been ages since we've been screened..." sighed Toon Link.

"Well we're back in business now!" said Jigglypuff.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"(Insert random comment about how long its been since the author wrote anything)", cursed Link.

"I hate you too," sniffed Yoshi, mending his broken leg.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're done," said Lucario simply.

...

"That's it?" asked Mewtwo, "No side comments about how stupid I am, or how this race sucks, or that you need more money for more alcohol?"

"Um, no actually." said Lucario.

...

"But now that reminds me," began Lucario, "You suck, this race sucks, and everybody racing on this show sucks."

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 1st Place_

began Ness, "We're miraculously already at the next destination! Why, we should-"

_"Teams must now travel to the island Toon Link was born at, Outpost Island! Once teams arrive here- the journey is an hour long one- teams will be given their next clue by Toon Link's little sister!" stated Koopa._

"-Go right to Koopa and tell him how wonderfully awesome this race is," finished Ness.

"SPEED BUMP?" screamed Pikachu in horror.

_"Speed Bump!" said Koopa Troopa, "A Speed Bump is a task that only Ness and Pikachu must complete, as a penalty for coming in last on the previous non-elimination leg!"_

_"In this Speed Bump, Ness and Pikachu must take 48 laps around Outpost Island! This task may seem tedious and boring and long, but that's so the drama can settle in, and Ness and Pikachu can realize how screwed they really are!"_

"We are _**so**_screwed," whimpered Ness.

"I totally agree with you on this one." stated Pikachu.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We've begun the hour long journey..." stated Marth calmly.

"Okay, we only have...everyone right behind us..." said Ike.

...

Ike's left eye twitched.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We're all tied together apparently..." said Roy.

"Hopefully we can speed ahead of them..." muttered Snake.

"I think it's gonna be a big race to the end on this one..." lamented Roy.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Alright we're neck-and-neck." said Jigglypuff.

"It's a...six-way free-for-all right now," said Toon Link. "Say, where's Ness?"

"No idea!" exclaimed Jigglypuff.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We're fifth." said Falcon.

...

"You don't say," said Ganondorf.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Pre-leg Interview_

"I think me and Falcon work well as a team, due to our extreme communicational skills," said Ganondorf.

...

"Yeah..." said Falcon unconvincingly.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"It's on now, we could either be second place or fall out of the race," commented Yoshi dramatically. "It's all or nothing."

"Hey, in court on the winning side, everyone's a winner!" said Link cheesily.

"Uh...but what about the people who lose, what about them?" asked Yoshi.

"I don't know, they just lose I guess," shrugged Link. "Fortunately I've never had the misfortune of being unfortunately unfortunate on being on the losing side..."

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We're in last, so we need to do extra good on this, man!" said Lucario.

"Alright, all we need to do is take this motorboat with us!" said Mewtwo happily. "We'll easily beat everyone else!"

"But...won't we get penalized for not using a paddle boat?" asked Lucario.

"Um...I guess not...?" wondered Mewtwo. "...But anyways we have to wait until everyone else is about a mile away from here, then we'll start the engine, pass all six or five of the other teams, and they'll want a motor boat but they'll be too far out to sea to go back and get one!"

"Sounds like a plan." said Lucario. "Not a smart plan, but it'll work."

_Ness and Pikachu  
Attempting Speed Bump_

"Alright! WE'RE FINALLY DONE!" said Ness enthusiastically. "...We finally got back onto the boat!"

"Now all we have to do is take 47 laps around a mile long island. Hooray." growled Pikachu angrily.

"I think we can manage to still get first..." muttered Ness quietly.

"It's all good, I just want to stay in, that's all." stated Pikachu, "I honestly don't care about winning a leg or anything, I just wanna be in the top five..."

"You gotta be more optimistic than that!" said Ness. "Wait, I thought you were _**my**_ voice of reason!"

"Remember? The author has gone on a long br-"

"Yeah, yeah, the author bullcrap," grumbled Ness.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"I think we work well as a team," explained Ike.

"Wait, 'we'? There's no we, it's only ME!" said Marth angrily.

"You know, I think we're more under the category of Anger Management Classmates," lamented Ike.

_Marth and Ike  
Anger Management Classmates_

"That's better." said Ike. "Now where was I? Oh yeah, SCREW YOU MAN."

"Oh yeah? Same to you, pal." growled Marth.

Ike looked somewhat offended.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We're ahead of Roy and Snake!" noted Jigglypuff.

"That's great, Jiggs!" said Toon Link optimistically.

"Where did Ness go?" wondered Jigglypuff.

"I was gonna give you a gold star for that, but because of the pessimism, you lost it!" said Toon Link angrily.

"I suppose they got left behind," mused Jigglypuff.

"...Annnnd you gained it back!" smiled Toon Link.

"Actually, I think they went through a plot hole and teleported to the next destination!" said Jigglypuff.

"You know you lost it again, right?" said Toon Link.

"Toon Link, quit ruining my train of thought! I've reverted back to stupidity mode!" yelled Jigglypuff.

"Oh fine then," said Toon Link angrily.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Toon Link and Jiggly are now ahead!" said Roy.

Snake added, "We can still catch up to them if we hurry."

Awkward silence filled the boat.

"So, howza bout those baseball players?" said Snake.

"Snake, it's November..." reminded Roy.

"Oh. So, howza bout those soccer players?" said Snake.

"Gosh darn golly, I haven't taken you to a baseball game, have I?" droned Roy, "You ought to go to one sometime, they're quite interestin'..."

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We passed up the frats!" said Yoshi, walking on two feet.

"SO! YOU ADMITTED THAT YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR BROKEN LEG!" objected Link.

Yoshi showed him the physical therapy bills.

"This sure is an expensive bill..." chuckled Link slyly, "...What's this? Lung therapy? I thought you had broken leg problems only, Yoshi?"

"Actually," said Yoshi, "I have asthma."

"Oh," said Link.

...

"So is this a bad time to mention that I threw your belongings in the ocean a while back?" said Link.

...

"Oh, and why do you have a thing here listed as d-i-a-b-e-t-e-s...?" asked Link, confused.

...

"You're a loser, Yoshi," said Link plainly.

"**SHUT. UP. RIGHT. NOW.**" screamed Yoshi, drowning Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Whoa, is Yoshi killing his own teammate?" asked Ganondorf.

"I would do the SAME thing to my partner if we ever won the money..." said Falcon aloud.

...

"STAY AWAY FROM ME," yelled Ganondorf menacingly, keeping Falcon at bay with a shovel.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Alright, start it now!" said Lucario.

Mewtwo revved up the engine, and they sped up, almost instantly passing up the Frats and the Lawyers.

"I think we're catching up!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"How did they..." stuttered Link.

"I have no idea how they're doing that!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Curses, we'll be eliminated in no time!" cursed Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Oh noes, we're last!" gasped Ganondorf in horror.

"This looks like a good time to sing a song!" said Falcon enthusiastically.

He began strumming the guitar and singing 'Kumbaya'.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Attempting Speed Bump  
Laps: 13/47_

"Come on Lucas, we need to skee-daddle soon!" said Ness optimistically.

"Shut up, Samus! I mean, Ness!" yelled Pikachu, as a random rock knocked him off the boat.

"I think we make too many inside jokes for our own good," said Ness.

"H-help!" squealed Pikachu, spitting out water as he flailed through the water.

"We're already 13 laps down? Amazing! We're still in this after all!" commented Ness excitedly.

"Can't...swim..." garbled Pikachu, barely staying above the water.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Wow, we've made it!" said Toon Link, breathing in the air. "What a beautiful day!"

"And look, Ness and Pikachu were already here, but they're doing some speed bump!" pointed out Jigglypuff.

"We can still win this leg!" smiled Toon Link. "Come on, let's go!"

They opened the next clue.

"Roadblock!" read Jigglypuff, "Who has the strength to lift?"

_"__In a roadblock, only one person per team can perform it!" said Koopa. "In this roadblock, teams must carry seven pigs to a pen! This seems easy as hell, but the pigs all weigh at least 50 pounds!"_

"I'll do it," said Jigglypuff.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Attempting Speed Bump  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Well, we can still catch up," mused Ness thoughtfully.

Pikachu gripped the side of the boat, panting heavily.

The side Pikachu was gripping collapsed.

"Help!" yelled Pikachu, flailing in the water again.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"After so much paddling," said a sore Ike, "We finally made it!"

"Get the clue!" moaned Marth, holding his back.

The two swordsmen took a clue and ripped it open.

"Roadblock!" read Ike, "Who has the strength to lift?"

"I'll do it," remarked Ike angrily.

"Ness and Pikachu are definitely going to be eliminated, they're still attempting the speed bump!" snickered Marth.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Attempting Speed Bump  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Um, there's still four other teams out there?" stated Ness, chuckling nervously.

"AAHHHHHH!1" screamed Pikachu, being mauled alive by sharks, piranhas and dolphins.

"I think we're on our 15th lap now!" said Ness.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We can see the island!" said Roy. "We've made it here, oh joy!"

Snake added, "I can see the Swordsmen, the kids...and I think Ness!"

"I wondered where Ness had gone..." muttered Roy to himself.

"Roadblock!" read Snake, "Who has the strength to lift?"

"Well," chuckled Roy, "Who here still has the wetness behind the ears?"

"You," said Snake.

"And who is the one still a little whippersnapper?" remarked Roy.

"You," said Snake.

"And who here is called 'Snake'?" continued Roy.

"...Me?" said Snake nervously.

"So who should do the task?" asked Roy.

"You!" said Snake enthusiastically.

"Right, so- No! You're doing it!" said Roy angrily.

"D'aww..." sniffed Snake. "Fine, but we both know it'll be too pressuring for me to handle..."

_Ness and Pikachu  
Attempting Speed Bump  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Okay, there's nothing else I can add, seriously," admitted Ness angrily. "Okay, Pikachu, you win!"

Pikachu was nowhere to be found, only red liquid seeped up from the depths of the ocean.

"Pikachu? Hear me? You win! You won the argument!"

Pikachu did not respond.

"AHGJFHFERBGBERGOI" screamed Ness, drowning himself.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5th Place_

Mewtwo and Lucario were on a deserted island, their motorboat nowhere to be found.

"...Where the hell are we?" asked Lucario angrily.

"Don't ask me, ask the fish!" said Mewtwo sarcastically. "The one who drugged us and stole the boat!"

"...What?" said Lucario, confused.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Wow, the other teams are just so good..." sighed Link, "We're not going anywhere..."

"Don't be a Debbie downer!" said Yoshi, with a fake smile. "Positivity is the best!"

"I'M A GUY DANGIT!" screamed Link.

"Don't be a Dusty downer!" said Yoshi, with a fake smile. "Positivity is the best!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Why are you so blue, Pikachu?" sang Falcon.

"It's Ganondorf," said Ganondorf.

"Jackie Chan? Is that you?" said Falcon.

"It's **Ganondorf**," said Ganondorf, angrily.

"Blackie Chan? Is that you?" said Falcon.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

"These are heavy!" said Jigglypuff.

"Well of course!" said Toon Link, "The task was specifically designed to where the pigs are heavy, and people like you are supposed to break down and let teams like the frats catch up so they can win a leg or two!"

"ITS A CONSPIRACY!" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"These pigs are heavy!" said Ike...angrily.

"Then figure out a way to lift them!" snapped Marth.

"Alright then..." mused Ike.

He pondered this.

And pondered.

And pondered.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

"This is so physically tough!" complained Snake, lifting the animals with ease.

...

"This task is too hard!" whined Snake.

"Just do the dang task!" said Roy.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"These pigs...they're so enormously fat..." lamented Ike. "If only there was some way to make them skinnier..."

Ike thought for a second longer.

"A-ha!" said Ike, "I will make them go to a nearby workout center, thus cutting down their fatty, making the task easier!"

...

"That's...a bullcrap idea," said Marth.

"No..."

...

"...You're bullcrap," insulted Ike.

Marth face palmed.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

"AHHHH THEYRE SO HEAVY" said Jigglypuff, crushed under the weight of one pig.

"Come on Jigglypuff, keep moving!" commented Toon Link optimistically.

"I'm trying!" said Jigglypuff, trying to stay positive, "But this is just so hard!"

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

"I think I'm leading the pack," said Snake, carrying the pigs with ease due to his strength.

"I'm stronger than most of the teams here..." said Snake.

"Go Snake!" cheered Roy enthusiastically.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"Stayin' alive...stayin alive..." said Ike, carrying one particular pig.

"COME ON AND CARRY THE DANG PIG!" said Marth angrily.

"I'm trying and you're so negative!" cried Ike girlishly. "I hate you!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Attempting Speed Bump  
Laps: 35/47_

"Wow Pikachu you're so supportive and nice and funny!" laughed Ness, delusional.

"Wow this is so messed up," frowned Pikachu.

"Million Dollars, Here I come!" quoted Ness.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"Can't...move the pigs..." groaned Ike.

"You're terrible!" yelled Marth, bursting into tears. "I hate you! This race sucks!"

"Shut up woman!" yelled Ike.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

Jigglypuff shot the pigs.

"HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HELP?" cried Toon Link angrily.

"They don't struggle, so I can roll them to the designated pen area where they can be kept!" said Jigglypuff, chuckling merrily.

"Actually...that benefits, now that I think about it..." thought Toon Link.

"Bum-ba-dum tish," whispered Jigglypuff sexily, pulling out her gun.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

Snake shot the pigs.

"Damn, someone thought of the idea before me," grumbled Snake.

"How is that going to stop you from performing the task?" said Roy angrily.

"Plagiarism," said Snake, his eyes moving back and forth shiftily.

Roy nervously took a step back as Snake slowly reloaded his gun.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We're here!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

"Roadblock, who has the strength?" read Lucario.

"I have psychic powers!" said Mewtwo.

"So do I," reminded Lucario.

"I have the smartness!" said Mewtwo.

"So do I," reminded Lucario.

"I'M NOT A DRUNK" said Mewtwo.

Lucario made Mewtwo do the task.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"When this is over, I'm suing you," said Yoshi angrily.

"Pfft, as if," chuckled Link. "Roadblock! Who has the strength?"

"I'll do it!" said Yoshi.

"But...but... I wanted to argue over it!" said Link. "It makes for better ratings!"

Yoshi was already doing the task.

Link continued to talk to himself, cackling manically.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Falcon open!" said Falcon, performing said action.

"Falcon read the clue!" said Falcon, reading the clue. "Roadblock! Who has the strength?"

"Ganon...perform the task!" said Ganondorf.

"That's...so stupid," said Falcon.

"I know," sobbed Ganondorf.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

"Come on Jigglypuff!" yelled Toon Link, "The frats and Twins are here!"

"I'm trying honey! I mean Toony!" said Jigglypuff. "I'm just so weak this is hurting me!"

"Think I should help you and risk a penalty?" asked Toon Link nervously.

"No, I think I can do this!" said Jigglypuff tiredly.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

"This is almost done! Because it's so easy!" laughed Snake.

"Come on Snake, last one!" said Roy.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"Wow, come on!" yelled Marth, "Snake's almost done and the other three teams are here!"

"Are you for real?" asked Ike angrily.

"Just keep moving on!" said Marth, "you're not that far behind!"

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

"We need to use our abilities to our advantage," said Mewtwo, using his psychic powers to move the pigs as he talked, "So we can catch up to the others..."

...

"Even if this isn't legal, we can still be in first!" said Mewtwo.

...

"Forget I said that!" yelled Mewtwo desperately.

_Yoshi  
On Roadblock_

"I can do this...I can do this..." muttered Yoshi to himself.

"No you can't!" said Link.

"Did I ask you?" asked Yoshi angrily. "No! So shut up!"

Yoshi punched Link.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Because I'm so strong this task is easy!" said Ganondorf.

He flexed his muscle.

"Are you ever gonna do the task?" asked Falcon.

"I will when I'm ready!" said Ganondorf.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Attempting Speed Bump  
Currently in Last Place_

"Well, we're finished," said Ness, sighing.

"But we're almost done!" said Pikachu.

"Why yes," mused Ness, "We are!"

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

"Last...one!" said Snake, as he epically carried the last pig to the pen, each step slow and heavy.

Snake put the last pig in.

"Done!" cheered Snake, ripping the last clue open.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Make your way to the next pit stop, The forest on the mountaintop!" read Roy.

_"Teams must now make their way to the pit stop, that forest on top of the mountain of Outset Island! This is the sixth pit stop in the race around the world!" said Koopa Troopa. "Teams have to hurry as the last team to arrive, __**may **__be eliminated!"_

"Let's hurry, dad!" said Snake.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Well it took forever but we finished the speed bump!" said Pikachu joyously.

"Roadblock! who has the strength?" read Ness.

"Hmmm... I think I'll do it!" said Ness.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"So apparently the father and son are done, while the delusional kid is on the roadblock along with us!" said Marth furiously.

"Almost got this!" said Ike, clearly not almost having it.

Marth pulled out his hair.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Make your way to the next pit stop!" read Jigglypuff.

"Yes, we've made it!" said Toon Link happily.

"We need to catch up to Snake!" said Jigglypuff.

"...And Roy!" said Toon Link.

"Yeah, and win another leg!" said Jigglypuff.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place?_

"They're done?" said Pikachu.

"They're done!" screamed Marth and Ike.

"We're done?" cheered Link and Yoshi.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" roared Lucario, spitting tobacco. "The sheer coincidences that they're done already is zero to null-"

"Hey there," purred Fox sexily.

"Make your way to the pit stop!" read Link. "We can win this, Yoshi!"

"We sure can! Come on, The kids and the father and son haven't been gone long!" smiled Yoshi, grabbing his bags.

_Ike  
On Roadblock_

"...I hate you," said Marth.

Ike punched him.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"How are they done already, but we're not?" said Ganondorf angrily, hurling a pig to the pen angrily.

"Only one more pig!" said Falcon airily.

...

Ganondorf hurried to finish the task.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"Three teams are gone, only four of us are left," said Ness, noticing the tension build up between the remaining teams.

"Someone's going home today," added Pikachu solemnly.

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

"Me and Ganondorf are almost done, looks like it'll be only Ness and the Swordsmen!" cackled Mewtwo evilly.

"Keep moving!" said Lucario, throwing glass shards from his whiskey bottle at Mewtwo.

Mewtwo got impaled by the glass.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Excuse me, where's the pit stop?" asked Snake.

"Um, what's a pit stop?" asked Toon Link's baby sister.

"It's...a mat," explained Roy.

Aryll shrugged and continued walking to her house.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"I already know where to go, follow me!" said Toon Link.

"Oh cool! We can win this!" said Jigglypuff.

"I just hope the frats don't get eliminated, they helped us back there," reminisced Toon Link.

_"Why aren't you at the ferry yet?" asked Falcon._

_"We don't have enough money!" explained Toon Link._

_"Well, because you were so nice to us, we're gonna help you guys!" said Ganondorf, holding money._

"Yeah, they were pretty nice to buy us subway tickets!" laughed Jigglypuff.

"...What?" said Toon Link, confused.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We need this leg win, Yoshi, we need it!" reminded an urgent Link.

"I know, I know!" said Yoshi, "Let's just follow those kids! I think Toon Link knows where he's going!"

"Alright!" said Link as he and Yoshi jogged after Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We can't find anyone who knows what we're talking about!" said Roy.

"I say we follow the mountain trail road!" said Snake, pointing to a pathway leading up the mountain.

As soon as Snake lowered his hand, both the lawyers and students ran up the pathway.

"Damn it!" yelled Snake, chasing towards them.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Up the trail! Up the trail!" chanted Jigglypuff, rolling up the mountain path.

"The lawyers are trailing us, keep going!" said Toon Link.

"Wait...who are the lawyers?" asked Jigglypuff. "Besides, weren't they eliminated like, last leg or something?"

_Link and Yoshi_

"We need this win bad!" said Yoshi, catching up to them, "We need to prove our worth!"

"We need to pass them!" yelled Link.

_Roy and Snake_

Snake ran past Link and Yoshi.

_Link and Yoshi_

"Oh my goodness!" said Yoshi.

"We just need to stay ahead of Roy, dude!" said Link.

"Got it!" said Yoshi.

_At the Pit Stop_

Snake ran across the bridge and got out a knife.

Jigglypuff and Toon Link starting walking on the bridge.

Yoshi caught up to and followed directly behind the kids.

Snake cackled manically as he snapped the rope on one side of the bridge.

Snake remembered he forgot Roy.

"DAMN IT!" screamed Snake.

Yoshi held onto one of the ropes for dear life, Toon Link and Jigglypuff holding onto his legs.

Link and Roy sheepishly watched at the other side of the bridge, thinking of a way on how to get across. Yoshi grabbed the rope in front of him, then grabbed the next one, then the next one, and so forth, like a monkey.

Jigglypuff let go and tried to float to the end. Snake pressed a detonator, which sent Link and Roy sailing in the air.

They landed on the other side of the bridge.

Snake threw down tear gas, and sped towards the mat, where Koopa awaited the teams.

Jigglypuff floated and reached the other side, leaving behind Yoshi and Toon Link.

Snake ran onto the mat.

Link kicked Roy off of him and ran towards the mat, and Jigglypuff walked to the mat.

As Roy stood up, Jigglypuff got out her microphone and sang, making Link fall asleep before he reached the mat.

Snake called for his dad, and Roy sped up faster, jogging towards the mat. Jigglypuff followed him.

Yoshi reached the end, and swung Toon Link into the Cliffside wall, injuring him.

Link awoke, but not before Jigglypuff rolled on top of him and she punched him in the face. Roy jogged around them, and Yoshi stood up and dashed towards the mat, Toon Link behind him.

Jigglypuff rolled onto the mat, knocking Snake off. Link touched the mat, as Snake pulled out a launcher and shot out a heat-seeking missile.

Toon Link came in reach of the mat, having passed Yoshi and Roy. Snake's missile hit Toon Link, flying him back.

Snake stepped onto the mat, followed by Roy.

Yoshi kicked Toon Link who tried to get up and the dinosaur ran onto the mat.

"Roy and Snake you're the first team to arrive," said Koopa Troopa, "However you cut down the bridge leading to the pit stop, sabotaging the pathway to the mat!"

Snake shrugged.

"Well? You want proof?" said Koopa.

...

"No," said Roy. "It happened, like, five minutes ago."

"Yes, Roy, we have filmed proof! Yes, that's right, grovel!" cackled Koopa manically.

_Snake cackled manically as he snapped the rope on one side of the bridge._

"Why are you airing the error? It happened **two minutes** ago!" said Snake angrily.

"Let me guess, we're getting a penalty," sighed Roy.

"Yes," cackled Koopa, "A five minute penalty!"

"Figures," shrugged Roy.

"Which means..." said Koopa.

Link and Yoshi looked stunned.

"...Link and Yoshi, you're team number one!"

"YESSSS!" cheered the lawyers excitedly, jumping and cheering with joy.

"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you're team number two!" said Koopa.

"Better than third again!" said Jigglypuff optimistically.

Roy and Snake sat next to the pit stop.

_Link and Yoshi  
Post-leg Interview_

"We fair and square earned ourselves a first placer, after getting second-last so many times," smiled Link.

"Winning a leg was what we wanted at first," said Yoshi, "...But now we're looking forward to being in the top six!"

"Um...you're already in the top six," said Koopa.

"Then...the top five!" said Link angrily. "Did we even ask your opinion? Noooo..."

_Toon Link and Yoshi  
Post-leg Interview_

"We haven't gotten first in a while..." lamented Toon Link.

"We're gonna win the next one though!" beamed Jigglypuff.

"I'm sick of getting third and second so much!" said Toon Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Penalized: 4:37_

"I'm tired of these stupid penalizations!" said Roy.

"Sorry pop..." grumbled Snake.

"We could have been first again." fretted Roy.

_Marth and Ike  
Currently in 4th Place_

"DONE!" said Marth. "Finally!"

"Make your way..."

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5th Place_

"To the next..."

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 6th Place_

"Pit stop..."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"...The Mountaintop Forest!" finished Ganondorf.

"All four teams are done!" said Falcon, "It's a four-way race to not be last!"

_Roy and Snake  
Penalized: 1:58_

"We have two minutes left," noticed Roy, "I hope nobody else at the roadblock finishes..."

"This is so dumb, the lawyers win the leg when we should have!" complained Snake.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We need to scale the mountain," noticed Lucario. "Just beat these three dead beat teams and we'll be okay!"

"Alright I'm psyched!" added Mewtwo, looking optimistic. "If we keep our heads straight, we can still be fourth!"

"We're ahead of them! Stay ahead!" yelled Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We need to stay in man, for our clan's honor!" said Falcon enthusiastically.

"Yeah, keep at it!" said Ganondorf, sprinting towards the trail.

_Marth and Ike  
Anger Management Classmates_

"We need to just beat one team and stay in, and hope for a flight tying all six of the remaining teams together, and we'll be okay..." stated Marth.

Ike ignored him and merely asked a local for directions.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Just trail after a team and we'll be okay!" smiled Ness.

"Okay," said Pikachu nervously.

_Roy and Snake  
3rd Place_

"Roy and Snake, you're team number three." said Koopa Troopa. "Feeling depressed?"

"We would've won this leg, if we didn't get penalized!" said Snake angrily.

"Well that sucks." said Koopa. "Anyways."

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Keep going up the trail!" hollered Lucario, stumbling behind Mewtwo.

"I got it," remarked Mewtwo, speeding ahead of his older brother.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Keep ahead of the swordsmen!" said Falcon.

Ganondorf was slowly being passed by Marth and Ike.

_Marth and Ike_

"We just need to pass Ganondorf and we'll be alright!" said Ike.

"Alright then!" said Marth, sprinting.

_Ness and Pikachu_

Ness, holding Pikachu, sprinted past the frats and the anger management people.

"See ya, suckers!" laughed Ness, poking his tongue at them.

He ran into a wall.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"We have a good 10 yards on the other teams!" said Lucario enthusiastically.

_At the Pit Stop_

Mewtwo and Lucario arrived ahead of the other three teams, and sped across the newly built bridge.

Falcon and Ganondorf used the Falcon/Warlock kick to gain on them.

Mewtwo teleported to the mat.

Lucario ran to the mat, only for Falcon to pass him.

Ness came into view, and threw Pikachu towards the mat, and missed.

Lucario instead got hit by the stuffed Pikachu doll.

Marth and Ike ran past the standing still Ness and ran across the bridge, as Ness tried to run past them.

Lucario threw the doll in anger... and it landed on the mat.

As Lucario cursed, Ganondorf hit him from behind with a rock and ran for the mat.

Falcon touched the mat. Ness passed Ike.

Ganondorf tripped Marth, and Ness passed them both and touched the mat while Ike helped up Marth.

The two swordsmen tried to get to the mat, but Lucario dove and hit the mat.

Falcon pushed Marth down, and Ganondorf passed Marth and Ike reached the mat.

Falcon tackled Marth before he got back up and wrestled him.

Ganondorf slapped Ike and kicked him off the mat.

Marth tried to reach for the mat but Ganondorf crushed his hand before it did.

Ganondorf and Falcon then proceeded to beat Marth with their paddles.

Marth weakly got up, but Falcon and Ganondorf punched him in the mouth.

Falcon and Ganondorf shook hands with Ike and walked onto the pit stop.

Marth weakly touched the mat.

"Ness and Pikachu & Mewtwo and Lucario, you're team number four and five."

"We made it," breathed Ness heavily.

"Still in and kickin'!" whooped Lucario, breaking a beer bottle over Mewtwo's head.

"Falcon and Ganondorf, you're team number six!"

"Still in it, baby!" laughed Falcon loudly.

"In it to win it!" cheered Ganondorf.

"Marth and Ike, you're the last team to arrive..." said Koopa. "And I'm sorry to tell you..."

The two swordsmen stared angrily at Koopa.

"...That you guys suck and nobody liked you anyways!" finished Koopa. "Oh, and you're last."

"This show sucks, and so do all of you!" snarled Ike, "I hate all of you, especially you stupid frats!"

"Screw you guys," whimpered Marth, bleeding.

"It's okay honey, I don't think they know we're gay yet!" said Ike really loudly.

Everybody stared.

"I mean...ha, ha, ha, funny joke Pikachu!" said Ike desperately.

Pikachu did not respond, due to the fact he was an inanimate object.

"I HATE YOU ALL!" cried Ike.

Marth died from blood loss.

**Finish Times:**

Link and Yoshi: 5:37 PM

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 5:38 PM

Roy and Snake: 5:43 PM

Ness and Pikachu: 6:11 PM

Mewtwo and Lucario: 6:12 PM

Falcon and Ganondorf: 6:14 PM

**Marth and Ike: 6:15 PM - Eliminated**

Hey guys, long time no see! Sorry it took so long, but with school and such, it's going to be hard to update this story.

Remember when you review, tell me who you like, who you hate, who you want to see win, and who you think the top three will be!

Oh, and be sure to vote on the poll on my profile!


	7. Where in the World is Flint McCowell?

"Last time, on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race," said Koopa, "Seven surviving teams left Corneria to go to The Great Sea! Team Jigglypuff and Toon Link had no money to take the flight over to the Great sea, resorting to them begging!"

_"We don't have enough money!" explained Toon Link._

"While most teams refused to give them any money, the frats, were kind enough to give the students the money they needed!"

_"Well, because you were so nice to us, we're gonna help you guys!" said Ganondorf, holding money._

"Once arriving at the Great Sea, team Mewtwo and Lucario fell behind due to bickering!"

_"We're fifth you stupid idiot!" screamed Lucario, downing some whiskey and adjusting the backpack on his shoulder._

_"I don't wanna die!" cried Mewtwo, pointing to the water._

"Also fed up with each other, team Marth and Ike broke down from the pressure!"

_"You're terrible!" yelled Marth, bursting into tears. "I hate you! This race sucks!"_

_"Shut up woman!" yelled Ike._

"Team Link and Yoshi, while at first at the back of the pack as usual..."

_"We're not last, just keep those two kids behind us!" explained Link, pointing._

"...Ended up in first place, instead of the usual bottom three!"

_"YESSSS!" cheered the lawyers excitedly, jumping and cheering with joy._

"Roy and Snake squandered a possible first place when Snake's attempt to ruin the other teams failed!"

_"Yes," cackled Koopa, "A five minute penalty!" _

"Shortly after the battle for first between the Lawyers, Students and Father and Son, the battle for not-last began for the four back pack teams!"

_"We need to stay in man, for our clan's honor!" said Falcon enthusiastically._

_"We need to scale the mountain," noticed Lucario. "Just beat these three dead beat teams and we'll be okay!"_

_"One Million Dollars, Here I come!" quoted Ness._

_"We need to just beat one team and stay in, and hope for a flight tying all six of the remaining teams together, and we'll be okay..." stated Marth._

"And after an epic battle..."

_Ganondorf and Falcon then proceeded to beat Marth with their paddles._

_Marth weakly got up, but Falcon and Ganondorf punched him in the mouth._

_Falcon and Ganondorf shook hands with Ike and walked onto the pit stop._

"...Pathetic Anger problems Marth and Ike were eliminated!"

_"This show sucks, and so do all of you!" snarled Ike, "I hate all of you, especially you stupid frats!"_

"After six legs, only six teams remain. Who will be eliminated...next?" said Koopa dramatically.

**The Teams: (With who they want to see go out next!)**

Falcon and Ganondorf (Father and Son/Father and Son)

Roy and Snake (Frats/Kids)

Ness and Pikachu (The Twins!/ ...)

Mewtwo and Lucario (Nobody!1/Mewtwo)

Link and Yoshi (Those kids/The kids)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (The Father and Son/Snake and his dad)

"Can Link and Yoshi, after getting first for once and not in second/third last place, keep their very slim lead on the other five teams? Will Roy and Snake recompose themselves after their humiliating themselves with a penalty? And can Mewtwo and Lucario get their act together and quit arguing?"

"Team Link and Yoshi, who were first to arrive at 5:37 PM, will depart at 5:37 AM!" declared Koopa.

_Link and Yoshi  
1st to Depart; 5:37 AM_

"Make your way to the nearby island, travelacity Island, and buy tickets to Tazmily Island!" read Yoshi.

_"Teams must now buy tickets on one of two ferries to Tazmily Island!" said Koopa. "The times are one hour apart, so teams must hurry if they wish to be on the first ferry!"_

"We have to be on that first ferry," said Link and Yoshi at the same time.

_Link and Yoshi  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Me and Yoshi, do not plan on getting involved in team-to-team conflicts..." stated Link.

"If we get involved with other teams, we might have them hate us..." continued Yoshi.

"And if we get someone to hate us, we have a rivalry..." said Link.

"And if we have a rivalry..." said Yoshi, eyes going wide, "You have EVILLLL!"

"The power has gone to their heads," muttered the cameraman, rubbing his eyes warily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
2nd to Depart; 5:38 AM_

"Make your way to the nearby island, travelacity Island, and buy tickets to Tazmily Island!" read Toon Link.

"We need to win this leg," said Jigglypuff, "We haven't won one in a while..."

"Yeah, the only team to win more than one leg so far is..." added Toon Link.

Both kids pondered for a while.

"...Nobody." They said together.

"Let's be the first team to do so." said Jigglypuff dramatically.

A buzzer sound played.

_Roy and Snake  
3rd to Depart; 5:43 AM_

"Make your way to...okay, we need to go to the nearby island and buy ferry tickets to Tazmily Island!" said Snake.

"Okey-dokey," said Roy, with his gear all set.

...

The cameraman dropped the camera.

Snake instinctively shot the cameraman.

"Sorry about that...heh heh..." chuckled Snake nervously.

Roy angrily glared at him.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Because of Roy's tendency to..oops! I mean... Because of Snake's tendency to kill anything and destroy anything...We keep getting these small, stupid penalties!"

"Like it's my fault!" laughed Snake.

"Uh, it is..." said Roy, nervous.

"...Oh..."

"...And not only that, but us and those frats, we hate each other!" said Snake angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Oh no..." gasped Toon Link.

"What is it?" asked Jigglypuff worriedly.

"Oh...we're so screwed..." moaned Toon Link, clutching his face.

"What? WHAT?" said Jigglypuff.

"This is it for us!" yelled Toon Link.

"WHAT. IS. IT." screamed Jigglypuff, shaking Toon Link furiously.

"We don't have any money for the ferry!" yelled back Toon Link.

...

"Is that all?" laughed Jigglypuff. "You're stupid, Toon Link, we're fine, and you know it!"

Jigglypuff cackled manically to herself.

_Ness and Pikachu  
4th to Depart; 6:11 AM_

"Okay," explained Ness to Pikachu, "We have to get to the island before the two teams behind us!"

"Gotcha!" exclaimed Pikachu.

They epically ran towards a boat and got in.

"Wait!" said Pikachu, smiling, "What about the lucky two-seater tandem bike?"

"But Pikachu...we're in an ocean!" laughed Ness.

They laughed merrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
5th to Depart; 6:12 AM_

"We need this first ferry man," said Lucario with wide eyes, "We need it **bad**."

"We've made it this far, just a little more!" said Mewtwo enthusiastically.

"Halfway there and onward!" said Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Last to Depart; 6:14 AM_

"We're last out, and we have a big chance we might not get that first ferry..." frowned Ganondorf.

"Just need to keep on moving," encouraged Falcon. "Almost there!"

"I hope we beat those accursed Father/Son duo..." said Ganondorf angrily.

"Um, exactly what did they do?" asked Falcon.

"Uh..." said Ganondorf.

...

"And what is our relationship? Friends?" laughed Falcon.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"So apparently, Snake and his pappy hate the frats, frats hate Snake, the Twins hate each other, kids hate Snake, and Ness is along for the ride." stated Link calmly.

"You forgot Pikachu," reminded Yoshi.

"Pikachu isn't real." spat Link.

Yoshi remained quiet.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Just keep paddling!" said Toon Link. "Maybe we can beg for money on the streets!"

"begging is against the law here," said the cameraman ominously.

"Maybe we can steal!" said Toon Link.

"You'll get penalized..." said the cameraman.

"We could...swim there..." said Toon Link, right eye twitching.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Beat the Frats!" said Roy angrily. "I hate them!"

"Gotcha!" said Snake, grinning slyly.

He paddled furiously.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"This is awesome, we're gonna be on the first ferry!" said Ness happily.

"I know, right man?" said Pikachu excitedly.

"We're going for first!" said Ness enthusiastically.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Some stupid chick in the checkout line..." sang Lucario, strumming on a banjo. "Was paying for beers with nickels and dimes..."

"Hey, I think we're gaining on that deluded kid!" said Mewtwo, smiling.

"...And some old man, with coupons...he argued whenever they wouldn't take one," continued Lucario, now strumming with passion.

"Um, Lucario?" smiled Mewtwo nervously.

"All I had wanted to buy were some cigarettes, but I, couldn't take it anymore, so I left, I hate everyone..." hummed Lucario. "...I hate everyone..."

Birds in the background tweeted merrily, and Mewtwo looked onward, confused.

"I hate everyoooo-ooone, I hate every ooo-ooo oh oh oh oooone!"

"Lukey?" said Mewtwo, poking Lucario.

"All the people on the street, I hate you all!" yelled Lucario...in tune.

Mewtwo looked frightened.

"And the people that I meet, I hate you all!"

Mewtwo looked horrified.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We arrived here first... but we don't have money!" said Toon Link.

"Maybe we can beg!" suggested Jigglypuff.

"Good thinking!" said Toon Link. "Money, sir? Please?"

_Link and Yoshi_

"There's the kids, however, they don't have money so we're first!" said Yoshi.

"Two tickets, please!" said Link happily.

_Link and Yoshi  
1st on 6:30 AM Ferry_

"We're now in the top six, Yoshi! We're in this to win this!" said Link enthusiastically.

"I think we're gonna be there at the finish line," sniffed Yoshi, tearing up.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Money, my good man?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Jigglypuff, nobody wishes to give us any money!" said Toon Link, "What are we doing wrong?"

_Roy and Snake  
2nd on 6:30 AM Ferry_

"We're gonna be racing against four other teams for first, so let's win this!" said Roy positively.

"We can win this," said Snake.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Rats, two out of four teams already in!" said Jigglypuff.

"Looks like we're screwed," said Toon Link, "Unless we get 17 more dollars in the next few minutes..."

_Ness and Pikachu  
Mewtwo and Lucario  
Falcon and Ganondorf_

"We need to get ticke-" Ness was abruptly interrupted as he was shoved aside by Falcon.

"Those tickets," said Falcon, "Are for us."

Mewtwo telekinetically shoved them both aside.

"No wait, give them to me!" said Mewtwo.

"...And the people that I know, I hate you all!" sang Lucario.

"What's wrong with him?" said Ganondorf, pointing to the jackal.

Ness shrugged.

"Um, anybody who wants tickets... there's three right here and whoever puts them in that slot first gets to-"

The six racers fought for the tickets.

Ness kicked Falcon in the face and grabbed a ticket, and put one in the slot.

"Made it," said Ness, relieved.

_Ness and Pikachu  
3rd on 6:30 AM Ferry_

Lucario hit Ganondorf with the banjo as he sang, "And the people that I don't, I hate you allllll! Oh, I hate you all..."

Mewtwo telekinetically lifted the tickets out from Ganondorf's hands and stuck them in their respective slots.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Last on 6:30 AM Ferry_

"We made it!" sighed Mewtwo with relaxation.

Lucario merely continued to strum his banjo.

"Are you going to benefit this team at all this leg?" sighed Mewtwo desperately.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
1st on 7:30 AM Ferry_

"We're an hour behind them," said Falcon.

"This sucks," said Ganondorf.

"...I think we need to re-think our team speeches," mused Ganondorf.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Last on 7:30 AM Ferry_

"We're on the last Ferry!" panicked Jigglypuff.

"Oh noes!" said Toon Link.

_First Ferry_

The four teams sat there, looking bored.

The announcer's voice came on the speakers.

"We are sorry to tell you that the flight has been delayed for an hour," said the pilot.

"WHAT?" said Ness angrily. "That lead was for nothing?"

"This sucks! I hate this!" whined Snake like a little kid.

"Some folk in nashville cut me off..." sang Lucario, "And gave me the finger when I fu-"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Yoshi, covering his ears.

"-ing honked," continued Lucario, ignoring Yoshi. "Then he proceeded to put on the breaks, but I made a mistake...When I got out of the van, he was waiting, but he was 6'3, and 200 pounds of satan, I hate everyooo-oone..."

_Second Ferry_

"We're behind the others, so we need to hurry as fast as we can!" said Jigglypuff.

Falcon and Ganondorf looked worried.

"I think we're going to have to lie to the frats to stay in," said Toon Link sadly.

The Ferry departed, leaving the first one behind.

_"Both teams are now headed for Tazmily Island, home of fellow Smash Brother Lucas! Once arriving, teams must head into New Pork City and find Lucas' Lemonade Stand!" said Koopa Troopa._

_7:30 AM  
2nd Ferry Arrived_

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"We're here!" said Jigglypuff. "Now we need to lie to Ganondorf and Falco!"

"You mean Falcon, Falco wasn't even in the race." reminded Toon Link.

"Who's Falcon?" asked Jigglypuff.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Just need to keep these kids behind us!" said Falcon anxiously.

"Alright, we can't be nice to them, not with these stakes!" said Ganondorf, looking depressed.

The two looked forlorn as they got into their taxi and drove off, leaving Toon Link and Jigglypuff behind.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"We just walk now, I suppose," mused Toon Link.

Jigglypuff nodded.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Post-leg Interview_

"I felt bad about leaving the kids," admitted Ganondorf, "But we had to do it, and what's done is done."

Falcon said something in French.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We're walking there, and it's taking forever!" whined Jigglypuff. "Are we there yet?"

"Jiggles, we've left the docks two minutes ago!" said Toon Link angrily.

Jigglypuff pouted...angrily.

_7:47 AM  
1st Ferry Arrived_

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We're behind those dumb frats and the annoying kids!" said Yoshi.

"I think we need to bald snark the task!" said Link.

"What?" asked Yoshi, genuinely confused.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4th Place_

"I'm having ADHD problems," sniffed Snake sadly.

"It's okay son, I've been through the same thing!" said Roy.

"Really?" asked Snake. "Really, really?"

"Yep!" said Roy, giving a fake smile.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We're behind, and need to make up the time!" said Mewtwo.

"I hate every ooo-ooone, I hate every oooo-ooo oh oh one!" yelled Lucario, on key, eyes red from the alcohol.

"Whoa man, calm yourself," said Mewtwo, "Remember your yoga exercises..."

Mewtwo made breathing in and out motions.

"...Wait!" panicked Mewtwo, "We never had yoga exercises!"

Mewtwo hyperventilated.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Our flight got delayed," pouted Ness, "Of all the luck."

"Quit having a pity party and lets go!" said Pikachu playfully.

Ness slapped Pikachu.

"It's for the ratings, silly!" said Ness.

Pikachu gave him an angry glare.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're in second last, hurry!" reminded Ganondorf.

"I found the clue!" said Falcon. "...No, wait! This is the wrong one!"

Falcon began breathing heavily.

"The clues are in the cluebox!" said Ganondorf, "...I think!"

Ganondorf cried.

"I DON'T WANT TO BE ELIMINATED!" squealed Falcon, sobbing.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"We are so screwed..." moaned Jigglypuff.

Link and Yoshi's taxi drove by.

"Wait..." said Toon Link. "Was that..."

Mewtwo and Lucario's taxi stopped near the kids.

"Hey guys," said Mewtwo sheepishly, Lucario singing his song of hate behind him.

"Can we ride with you?" asked Toon Link desperately.

"Uh, sure..." agreed Mewtwo.

"Hooray!" said Jigglypuff, hugging Mewtwo.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Who knows whose first and whose last," said Ness anxiously.

"We just need to get to the cluebox first!" said Pikachu.

"I see Toon Link...and Jigglypuff!" said Ness, seeing the Twins take the kids with them, "And Mewtwo let them in his taxi!"

"We need to beat those guys!" said Pikachu.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Gosh, I have hired assassin contract problems," said Snake, disappointed.

"Gee son, it's okay, I've been in that position before!" said Roy, going off into some random rant.

"But you haven't!" said Snake angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"All we have is a small lead on some of the teams, so we have to get to the clue first!" said Yoshi.

"You're a clue," said Link angrily.

"What?" said Yoshi, confused.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Gee, Lucario, if we could get to the clue first, golly, we'd be first!" said Mewtwo kiddishly.

"You must think I'm kidding..." droned Lucario, out of breath, eyes red.

Mewtwo stared at him.

"Trust me it's trueee..."

Mewtwo squirmed nervously in his seat.

"I hate, most everybody...But most of all..."

Mewtwo looked shocked.

"I hate...No, I hate, I hate YOU!" said Lucario, pointing at Mewtwo.

Mewtwo looked shocked.

"All the people from the west, I hate you all!" sang Lucario.

Mewtwo had a (fake) heart attack.

"All the people I like best, I hate you all!" sang Lucario.

Mewtwo was (not really) dead.

A bird pecked Mewtwo in the eye.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We! Need! To! Get! To! That! Clue! FIRST!" shouted Falcon, crawling towards the cluebox in desperation.

Ganondorf took a clue.

"We're...we're still alive..." said Falcon, shocked. "It's...It's not over!"

The Frats did a merry jig and broke beer bottles over each other.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Drink three whole gallons of lemonade for your next clue...each!" read Falcon.

"For staying in!" said Ganondorf dramatically.

They choked down the lemonade.

"Next clue!" said Falcon. "Go find Lucas inside of the stand! He will give you your next clue!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"I think we're here!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

He, Jigglypuff, Lucario and Toon Link walked out of the car.

Falcon and Ganondorf ran out the doors and knocked the other four racers down.

"Whoa, what's their hurry?" said Mewtwo angrily, wiping the dust off of him.

"They think they're in last," explained Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Drink three whole gallons of lemonade for your next clue!" read Mewtwo.

Mewtwo looked anxiously at Lucario, who was not paying attention, still strumming his banjo.

"...I'll do it," decided Mewtwo after a careful consideration. "For both of us."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Drink three whole gallons of lemonade for your next clue!" read Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Let's do this!" said Toon Link.

Mild cheer of applause.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We have won a leg, which is good," said Yoshi to the camera, "But we can't get big-headed now. Not with only half of the race done!"

"I think we should take the next Fast Forward we come across, hands down!" said Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We need to quit making mistakes and get first again!" said Roy.

"Yeah, we should!" said Snake, bored.

"I wonder if Ganondorf and Falcon screwed up by now, I wanna pass them!" said Roy evilly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"I think now is not the time to be making alliances," stated Ness, "With only six teams left!"

"Actually, with only you as a person on your team, you should really be thinking of making an alliance," suggested the cameraman.

"He is real!" cried Ness, "I'll prove it to you!"

Ness opened the window.

"Jump out the window, Pikachu!" cackled Ness manically. "JUMP!"

The cameraman nervously shifted away from Ness.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 4th Place_

" Drink three whole gallons of lemonade for your next clue!" read Link aloud.

"We have to hurry, we managed to catch up to those kids that were on the ferry that arrived here earlier!" said Yoshi optimistically.

"We're in third, I think!" said Link, smiling.

"But where's the Frats?" said Yoshi, looking around.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"There's Lucas!" said Falcon rapidly, pointing inside an enclosed door. "Quick! Before he gets away!"

Falcon jumped through a window, shattering the glass and cutting him severely.

Ganondorf walked through a nearby door.

"H-here's your next clue..." said Lucas, intimidated.

"Sweet!" said Falcon, bleeding.

"Wait, there's a Fast Forward here!" said Ganondorf. "We should totally take it to catch up to the others!"

_"Fast Forward! This is only one of four fast forwards in the entire race! In a Fast Forward, teams may skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop!" said Koopa Troopa. "In this third Fast Forward, the team will have to stay in frozen water for 30 minutes! This may sound ridiculously easy, however, teams that hate the cold will not get this Fast Forward easily!"_

"Should we do it?" asked Falcon, spitting out a huge piece of glass.

"Yes." declared Ganondorf.

"This task takes an hour long, because one person does it for thirty minutes and the other for thirty minutes also, so we have to get started ASAP." added Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're done!" said Mewtwo. He noticed the other teams. "So are the lawyers!"

Lucario hit Mewtwo with the banjo, and pointed to the students.

"Good point, they're almost done too!" finished Mewtwo, rubbing his head.

"That's right, smartass," whispered Lucario.

"What was that?" said Mewtwo worriedly.

"Nothing, nothing," cackled Lucario.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We have to find Lucas now!" said Link.

"I watched the whole first season, and Lucas was on the show last time!" said Yoshi excitedly. "I finally get to meet someone who's really been on the Amazing Race before!"

The fake audience made a standing ovation to the comment.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Now the lawyers and twins are gone!" said Toon Link, shocked. "Jigglypuff, help me!"

Jigglypuff was busy stealing money from the poor.

Toon Link made a frustration face.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"We're still looking for Lucas' lemonade stand!" said Ness.

"Gosh, we need help!" said Pikachu. "But look for anything that looks like a lemonade stand!"

A buzzer sound played, as they passed the lemonade stand for the third time.

"Look, I think I see a team!" said Ness.

Pikachu (Ness) rolled down the window.

"Hey, guys, can you find the lemonade stand?" asked Ness.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"No, we haven't yet," said Roy.

"Maybe we should look together!" called out Ness from the other taxi.

Roy agreed: "Alright then."

"Hey, read the clue again!" said Pikachu.

Roy and Snake didn't respond.

"Hey guys!" said Pikachu.

Roy and Snake didn't respond.

"Wow, are you guys deaf?" laughed Ness.

"What?" said Snake, confused.

"Pikachu asked for you to read the clue again!" replied Ness.

"What are you talking about?" said Roy, as Snake pulled out the next clue. "We didn't hear anything!"

"Wow, are you guys ignoring Pikachu for some reason?" said Ness.

"Um, no..." said Snake.

"The clue said 'Find Lucas' lemonade stand', nothing else." said Roy.

"Wait!" said Ness, "I think I see it!"

"By golly you're right!" said Pikachu.

They jumped out of the taxi and ran 50 yards to the Lemonade stand, Roy and Snake following.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Drink 5 gallons of lemonade for your next clue!" read Pikachu.

"Since you're the only person on your team, you have to drink 10," said the nearby show associate.

"Hear that, Pikachu? You have to drink 10 gallons!" laughed Ness.

"Actually, _**you**_ _drink the 10 gallons_..." said the associate confused.

Ness frowned.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"I think Ness is the least hateable person left in the race," muttered Roy, "But the only problem is he's a little...delusional..."

"You mean crazy?" laughed Snake. "That reminds me, back in Vietnam, people thought I was crazy!"

"Oh, I remember the time I was in that position!" laughed Roy.

"No you weren't, you were so old you couldn't be drafted for 'Nam," said Snake angrily.

Roy cried.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"There's Lucas!" said Mewtwo.

Lucas cautiously handed them their next clue.

Lucario beat Lucas with his banjo.

"What was that for?" said Mewtwo and Lucas, shocked.

"For good measures," said Lucario, "To make sure you didn't start whining about how much your life sucks!"

Lucas burst into tears.

"Lucario! That was rude! You need to say sorry!" said Mewtwo.

"Hey, I hate everyone, that's how I roll!" said Lucario.

_Five minutes later..._

"Okay, there's another Fast Forward, and a Detour!" said Mewtwo.

"Don't do Fast Forward, Falcon and Ganondorf probably took it, we still haven't seen them..." reminded Lucario.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Detour! Enforce the Law or Break the Law?" read Lucario. "Warning, U-Turn ahead!"

_"A detour is a choice between two tasks!" said Koopa Troopa, "Each with its pros and cons!"_

_"In Enforce the Law, teams must go through a series of challenges to enroll in the Pig Mask Army! There are four tasks, First teams must outfit themselves in appropriate uniforms; Second, teams have to clean and load a gun. Third, they must use their guns for target practice and hit seven out of ten targets! Lastly, teams have to pursue and capture one of three escaping convicts."_

_"In Break the Law, teams will be put in a prison cell and must find a way to escape jail without being captured. Once teams have accomplished this they will receive their next clue. This one may seem easier, but teams that get caught and thrown back into prison have the task get harder and harder each attempt!"_

_"A U-Turn appears at the end of a detour. Teams can use the U-Turn to slow down another team, forcing them to backtrack, and perform the other side of the detour. However, teams must choose when it is most strategically viable to use their U-Turning abilities, because they can only use it once, and there are only __**five U-Turns**__ on this race!"_

"Dude, who should we U-Turn?" asked Mewtwo. "Oh yeah, we've already used ours!"

"We need to finish the detour quickly so we don't get U-Turned!" said Lucario.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Let's do the Fast forward," said Yoshi, as he watched the Twins go perform the Detour.

"Yoshi, I'm sure it's this way!" said Link, beckoning for Yoshi to follow.

The Lawyers ran inside and noticed the Frats.

"Hey," laughed Yoshi, "What's up, Frats? Looks like we finally caught up to you!"

"Oh thank god, another team!" said Falcon joyously, relieved. "How long have you guys been here?"

"Uh... we just got here..." said Link.

"Forty minutes?" screamed Ganondorf. "It's worse than we thought!"

"I said we just got here!" yelled Link over their panicking.

"We're screwed!" said Falcon in horror.

"God, you guys are annoying," grumbled Link.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We need to find Lucas now!" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigglypuff, I had to drink your half too! I think I might throw up!" said Toon Link, looking pale.

"We make such a good team!" smiled Jigglypuff.

Toon Link barfed his spleen out.

"Oh...that's not good..." said Jigglypuff.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Now Toon Link and Jigglypuff are gone!" panicked Ness.

"Take the lemonade slowly, the father and son are still here." advised Pikachu.

Ness didn't listen, and took in a whole gallon in less than twenty seconds.

Pikachu watched as Ness choked on the liquid.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"I lost my gag reflex in war, so I don't need to worry," said Snake, taking in huge amounts of lemonade at once.

"Oh, it's okay Snake, that happened to me back in the day!" chuckled Roy.

"Damn it dad, quit saying bull crap just to look cool in front of the camera!" said Snake angrily.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"We have little time, Snake is catching up..." said Pikachu nervously.

"OH GOD IT STINGS!" said Ness, the lemonade spilling on the cut on his arm.

"It's okay, I'll get the medicinal alcohol!" said Pikachu wisely.

He poured a whole liter of alcohol on Ness' arm.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH" screamed Ness.

"Heh, heh, quit your whining, Ness! It'll go away in a sec!" giggled Pikachu.

Ness' arm fell off.

Pikachu's smile faded.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Fast Forward!" read Toon Link. "Then a detour!"

"I say we do the Detour!" said Jigglypuff.

"Which one?" asked Toon Link.

"How about Break the Law?" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay," agreed Toon Link.

"Fine then, Toon Link! You can pick your stupid task!" pouted Jigglypuff.

"Wait, what?" said Toon Link. "I didn't say anything, you're the one who picked the task!"

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

...

"Can I pout anyways?" asked Jigglypuff hopefully.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Time remaining: 47:55_

"We're almost halfway done with Falcon!" said Ganondorf to the camera.

"I-I-It's fre-fre-freezing," said a cold Falcon.

"No duh, Sherlock, what'd you think it would be? Warm?" asked Link, who was nearby, angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Time Remaining: 54:37_

"You know," said Yoshi, "We should just quit now..."

"Yeah, maybe we should...they're ahead of us, and there's no way to pass them..." added Link.

"Alright, let's do the Detour!" said Link. "...I'm thinking Enforce the Law!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Break the Law_

"Curses!" screamed Mewtwo, "We got caught again!"

"Maybe because you suck," said Lucario.

"Shut up," said Mewtwo.

They were escorted back to their cells.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Break the Law_

"This'll be easy, because we're so small!" said Jigglypuff enthusiastically.

They were put in the same cell as the Twins, Mewtwo and Lucario.

"Hiya, guys!" smiled Jigglypuff, "Wanna work together?"

"Stuck in prison? With them? My worst nightmare," said Lucario cruelly.

"Oh fine then, we know who to U-Turn now," said Jigglypuff furiously.

_Link and Yoshi  
On Enforce the Law  
Performing Step One_

"Link, hurry up and put your uniform up!" said Yoshi, not nearly dressed fully but more so than Link.

"I'm going as fast as I can!" said Link, buttoning the uniform up.

Link started putting the military boots on.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We need to-"

Ness punched Pikachu in the face.

"What was that for?" asked Pikachu.

"I felt like doing that!" said Ness.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"We can't lose them, us and them are the last two teams I think!" said Snake.

Snake sprinted all out for one-hundred yards and got tired.

Roy walked five yards, and got tired.

"Wait up, son! This is too hard on me!" cried Roy.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Break the Law_

Toon Link and Jigglypuff walked in between the bars.

As they passed the sleeping guard, Jigglypuff drew a face on him with her marker.

Then the Easy button from leg six, only right now for convenience's sake, jumped out of her backpack and slammed towards the ground.

"THAT WAS EASY," stuttered the button before Jigglypuff beat it with her **glass hammer**.

The glass hammer shattered, into a million pieces.

Jigglypuff screamed, as the glass got caught in her left eye.

...

The guard was still asleep.

Toon Link silently slapped Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Break the Law_

Lucario and his brother watched Jigglypuff and Toon Link easily walk out the hallway door.

"If they can do it, so can we." whispered Lucario.

He silently opened the cell door.

The guard awoke.

"PRISONERS TRYING T-" Mewtwo choked him with telekinesis.

"Way to go, idiot!" said Lucario, noticing the alarm sounding off.

"Shut up! You were the one who opened the door!" said Mewtwo angrily.

As they argued, five armed guards surrounded them...

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"How easy is this?" smiled Jigglypuff, stabbing a guard's eye out with her marker.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Break the Law  
Failed 1st Attempt_

Mewtwo and Lucario, beaten up and bruised, were thrown back into their cell, this time with a ball and chain.

"Damn it, how do the kids get so lucky?" asked Mewtwo, with a black eye.

"They're free as birds!" complained Lucario, nose bleeding.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
1st Attempt_

"Wheee!" said Toon Link and Jigglypuff, riding on the prisoner merry-go-round for funsies.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Break the Law  
2nd Attempt_

"We have to catch up to them! But how? They locked the doors!1" said Mewtwo, beating against the prison cell door.

It opened from the pressure, and Mewtwo fell flat on his face.

"You carry the ball," said Lucario, handing Mewtwo the chain and ball.

_Link and Yoshi  
On Enforce the Law  
Performing Step Two_

"We need to clean and load these guns," said Link.

"I'm done cleaning, just let me load mine!" said Yoshi.

"This task is actually not that long, it just sounds like it is!" said Link.

Yoshi agreed, "Yeah, the other team on the detour picked Break the Law..."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Attempting Fast Forward  
Time Remaining: 39:30_

"We're...almost...done..." said Ganondorf.

"You still with me, dude?" asked Ganondorf.

Falcon was now a block of ice.

"...Dude?" said Ganondorf, smiling nervously.

Falcon did not respond, due to the fact he was frozen.

...

Ganondorf sighed, and took out a hammer and chisel.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Hiya Lucas!" said Ness, waving.

Ness took the clue and shoved it to Pikachu.

"Read it, Pikachu!" said Ness, smiling.

Lucas looked nervously at Ness.

"I'll read it...stupid dyslexia disorder..." said Ness angrily.

"Detour! Enforce the Law or Break the Law?" read Ness.

"Break the Law! We're small and we'll go unnoticed." said Pikachu.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"Detour, Enforce the Law or Break the Law?" read Roy.

"Break the Law," said Snake creepily.

_Roy  
Interview_

"For once, Snake's abilities actually were going to come to use..." said Roy.

...

"But then he stuffed up," said Roy angrily.

_"Damn it man answer the questions!" said Snake, punching his hostage, "When did you brush your teeth this morning?"_

_"I'm telling ya man, I don't remember!" squealed the man, bleeding._

"Snake is so stupid, I knew I should've raised him myself instead of sending him off to the army, where he learned how to kill people irresponsibly!" growled Roy.

_"Can we at least ask __**relevant**__ questions?" asked Roy angrily._

_"Alright, fine..." said Snake._

_..._

_"Well?" asked Roy._

_Snake strangled the prisoner to death._

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Break the Law_

"We're almost home freeee!" said Jigglypuff, squealing excitedly.

"We're ahead of the Twins and I think they got caught also!" smiled Toon Link.

"100 yards away from the U-Turn!" pointed out Jigglypuff.

"So epic!" squealed the cameraman suddenly.

Jigglypuff and Toon Link looked at him weirdly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
4th Attempt_

"Mewtwo, given the dynamic of my agression and your stupidity and just because the script says so, I blame you," frowned Lucario.

"You can't do that," said Mewtwo.

"Why not? I can totally do what I want!" pouted Lucario.

"Because we're actually only 30 yards behind the students..." pointed out Mewtwo.

"Well then, that's different!" chuckled Lucario, chasing the kids.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
1st Attempt_

"Oh noes!" said Toon Link, "They're behind us!"

Jigglypuff used rollout to get ahead.

"If only some kind, young, handsome heroes would save us!" cried Jigglypuff, tripping on flat ground.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in their 40's, known for their hostility and definitely not handsome_

"We're on the fourth task!" smiled Link.

"We need to catch some crooks now!" said Yoshi.

They noticed the kids and the twins.

"CROOKS!" howled Link and Yoshi, dashing towards them.

"OH NOES" said Mewtwo and Lucario, Jigglypuff and Toon Link.

Jigglypuff landed on the U-Turn mat, and Mewtwo teleported onto it.

Lucario beat Toon Link with his banjo.

"Yoshi, we need only two to capture!" said Link. "Capture one for each team and we'll be in first!"

Yoshi lunged and tackled Lucario head on.

Toon Link struggled towards the mat, bleeding.

Link hog-tied Toon Link.

"I have one!" said Link, squealing with excitement, "Now just get Lucario and both teams will be goners!"

Lucario back-kicked Yoshi in the face, knocking him face-flat.

Toon Link rolled towards the U-Turn mat.

Yoshi fell on top of Toon Link.

"CURSES!" screamed Toon Link, bleeding, tied up and being crushed.

"My team mate sure is useless," sighed Jigglypuff.

She stood up and sang a song, making Toon Link and Yoshi fall asleep.

She dragged Toon Link onto the mat.

"NOOOO!" yelled Mewtwo.

"Now that Toon Link isn't here to stop me from U-turning you guys, I will now U-Turn you and force you to last, ensuring our survival and your untimely demise! Mwa-haahahahaaa!"

She reached for the team cards.

Toon Link grabbed the next clue.

"How...how did you wake?" screeched Jigglypuff.

"Relax, the sleeping move only works for three seconds," reminded Toon Link.

"YES!" said Mewtwo.

Link and Yoshi sent him and Lucario back the start again.

"NOOO!" said Mewtwo.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We choose not to U-Turn!" said Toon Link.

Jigglypuff shot him an evil look.

"Make your way to Tazmily village!" read Toon Link, ignoring her.

_"Teams must now by foot make their way to Tazmily Village! Teams who go by any other means will be penalized!" said Koopa Troopa._

"Let's go by our taxi!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"I'd love to, Jiggles, but we never had a taxi this leg," reminded Toon Link.

"How about by our handy dandy boat?" asked Jigglypuff.

"This is solid land!" said Toon Link.

"Uh...our lucky tandem bike?" asked Jigglypuff.

"That's...Ness's..." said Toon Link.

...

Jigglypuff's right eye twitched incessantly.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Should we U-Turn a team?" asked Link.

"Well, the frats are on the Fast Forward so we can't Fast Forward them, and the students got here first... that leaves Ness, father and Son & the Twins!" said Yoshi.

"We should totally U-Turn the Twins!" said Link.

"Yes, the guys definitely deserve it from their team-hating and the like," lamented Yoshi.

"We choose to U-Turn...Mewtwo and Lucario!" stated Link dramatically, taking the Twins and their own poster out and stamping it on the wall.

"Make your way on foot to Tazmily Village," read Yoshi. "This is a 4 mile hike..."

"Got your running shoes on?" asked Link.

"Always," chuckled Yoshi, posing.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
5th Attempt_

"This task is taking forever!" shrieked Mewtwo, whining.

"Shut up you stupid idiot!" snapped Lucario, "We still have another half of the leg to go!"

"You're- You're right," sniffed Mewtwo, wiping his nose. "I need to think more positively."

"That's right," nodded Lucario.

"And...and I need to be a better brother! No, a better person!" said Mewtwo.

"Yep," agreed Lucario.

"And we're gonna give money for poor people!" smiled Mewtwo.

"No! ...The money goes to me!" pouted Lucario.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Break the Law_

"Hey guys!" waved Ness.

"Looks like they put us in the same cell as the father and son," said Pikachu thoughtfully.

"I think we're tied for fourth or fifth," mused Ness.

_Roy and Snake  
On Break the Law_

"Did you ever see those frats?" asked Snake, "We _really_ want to beat them..."

"Uh, no, we haven't." said Ness, shrugging. "Come to think of it, we haven't seen the lawyers much either since landfall here..."

"Probably means they're soaring ahead!" said Snake, in horror.

"Let's hurry up and break out," said Roy. "It's hot in here."

Roy had a stroke and died.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Attempting Fast Forward  
Time Remaining: 28:34_

"Just a little longer and we're safe to say we won't be eliminated this leg!" smiled Falcon.

"I'm so relieved!" said Ganondorf, wearing a towel.

"We're soooo last though right now," mused Falcon.

"At least we got to enjoy the moments we were in the race!" sobbed Ganondorf.

"Will you _**please**_ shut up?" screamed the cameraman.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
6th Attempt_

"THAT'S IT!" howled Lucario, "We're bald-snarking this!"

"Bald Snarking?" said Mewtwo in horror, "That'll be the end of us if we do!1"

Dramatic pre-ad music played.

_Advertisement_

"Too busy to be bald snarking and to do the actual task?" asked Kirby, "Looking like there's no hope?"

"Well now you have some hope," beamed Quinn, "Becaaaause... now you can skip a task, and only take a _**three-hour penalty**__! Wow_!"

Kirby and Quinn exchanged (fake) shocked looks.

"What will they think of next?" gasped Kirby.

"I dunno Kirbs, this one's pretty serious stuff!" laughed Quinn.

The TAR executives fired them 4 days later.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Bald-Snarking Detour_

"To the bald-snark-mobile!" said Mewtwo dramatically, wearing a cape.

"Idiot, wrong show," hissed Lucario.

"You're an old, old, man!" laughed Mewtwo, wearing an alligator costume.

"Wrong season," sighed Lucario, taking a drag on his cigarette.

"He is too real!" bawled Mewtwo, holding up a _tiger stuffed animal_.

"Wrong team, dumbass." frowned Lucario.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Break the Law_

"Breakin' the law..." sang Ness, punching the cell guard repeatedly in his sleep.

"The clue says we need to escape," said Pikachu angrily.

Ness sang loudly, as he stepped on all the glass, sprayed blood on Pikachu and stained his (stitches) fur, and woke the guard.

"What the heck is wrong with you, man?" asked Pikachu.

_Roy and Snake  
On Break the Law_

"We're out!" said Snake, smiling proudly as he held up his digging tool; a spoon.

Roy looked at the two-centimeter deep hole he had dug.

"Uh, keep trying." said Roy, shrugging.

Snake whistled as he continued digging.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Break the Law_

"Wheeee!" said Ness, smacking the guard with his chain mace.

The guard bled to death.

"WHAT THE HECK NESS!" screamed Pikachu. "HAVE YOU FREAKING GONE INSANE?"

Ness walked back inside the cell.

"What the...?" said Pikachu, noticing the second Ness. "What are you...how... what is...huh...?"

"Oh, I just used the Duplicator," explained Ness, "But I made a good/evil one like in Calvin and Ho- I mean, in our other show, and I made an evil clone! You've been racing with him for the past 20 minutes!"

"So you mean that when you did the lemonade task, and wouldn't listen to me..." stuttered Pikachu.

_Ness didn't listen, and took in a whole gallon in less than twenty seconds._

"And when you said you had a dyslexia disorder...I knew you never had one!" said Pikachu.

_"I'll read it...stupid dyslexia disorder..." said Ness angrily._

"And then just now when you killed the guard..." said Pikachu.

"Actually," laughed Ness, "That _was_ me..."

Pikachu was thoroughly confused.

"In fact...you've been racing with the fake the whole time, Pikachu! I've lied to you! I AM THE REAL ONE!" said one of the Ness's.

Pikachu looked from one to the other.

"What?" asked Pikachu, looking from one to another, and losing his sanity.

"No, I'm the real one!" said Ness...uh, number whatever.

"Don't listen to thou, Pikachu, for it is I, Ness Jr. III!" said Ness the third.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Pikachu, hacking the cell guard to death from insanity and freeing all three of them and helping them escape.

"Hooray!" cheered Snake, Ness Jr. III, Ness, and Roy.

_Roy and Snake  
On Break the Law_

"Looks like there's no hole to dig no more!" said Snake.

"On second thought, let's do the hole thing," mused Ness Jr. III.

Pikachu was too busy having an epilepsy attack to listen.

"Pikie?" asked Ness the whatever.

"Pikie?" asked Ness Jr. III.

"Pikie?" asked a first season Snake.

"THE HECK?" said first season Pikachu. "What am I doing here?"

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Roy, "I'm crazy now, I can hear Pikachu!"

Roy noticed season one Pikachu.

"Pikachu! It really is you! The Season 1, one!1" squealed Roy like a fan girl, "Can I have your autograph?1"

Pikachu, creeped out, signed his autograph.

"But I'm not even a celebrity..." said Season one Pikachu.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Break the Law_

"We need to leave here," whispered Ness original to Pikachu Season two style, "People here are crazier than a sack o' walnuts!"

The audience applauded the terrible joke, and Ness and Pikachu left the others, Roy, Snake Season one, Snake Season two, Ness Jr. III and Pikachu Season two.

The besties ran past the guard.

Ness sprayed the guard with mace.

"That ought to hold them off for a while!" smiled Ness.

_Roy and Snake  
On Break the Law_

"Prisoners escaping!" hollered the guard, as the besties scampered away.

The guards surrounded Snake, Roy, Pikachu, Ness, and Snake, and threw them all in jail.

"We have caught the four racers, and now the young handsome man's twin brother!" said the guard onto a radio. "We'll keep them locked up tightly!"

"We just got played by Ness and Pikachu," sighed Roy.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Break the Law_

"We totally played them!" laughed Pikachu, "And it was all thanks to you, Ness!"

"Wait what?" asked Ness Jr. III. "We did what now?"

"Uh oh..." said Pikachu, gasping.

_Roy and Snake_

"Where did Pikachu go?" asked Ness, angrily. "He ditched me!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Attempting Fast Forward  
Time Remaining: 13:59_

"Just fourteen minutes left, and we might still get this!" said Ganondorf.

"I'm...so...COLD..." said a chilled Falcon.

"Gee, we're gonna show that father and Son!" said Ganondorf, eyes shining.

Falcon died from frostbite.

"Okay, seriously, maybe this wasn't a good task idea, it's the beginning of December..." re-thought Ganondorf, scratching his chin.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Enforce the Law_

"We need to just do the freaking task!" said Mewtwo, "We still have bunches of teams back here with us!"

"You had a bad day..." sang Lucario.

Mewtwo's left eye twitched.

_Ness and Pikachu  
2nd Attempt_

"Almost there!" said Pikachu, running to the U-Turn board.

Ness peered at the board, squinting his eyes as he ran.

"Yep, looks like someone got U-Turned," said Ness.

They got closer and noticed that it was Mewtwo and Lucario who were U-Turned.

"Oh thank goodness it wasn't us," sighed Pikachu with relief.

"I know, right?" chuckled Ness, taking a clue. "We've U-Turned already anyways, so we got double lucky!"

Ness ripped open the clue.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way on foot to Tazmily Village," read Ness. "This is a 4 mile hike..."

"Looks like it's time for..." said Pikachu dramatically.

"...THE TANDEM BIKE!" yelled Ness and Pikachu rhythmically.

"...But wait!" said Ness, shocked. "It says on foot, of all the luck!"

"Wait, my fellow Pokemon, it says, 'On foot or tandem bike for those who have one!'" cheered Ness.

"Saved by the clue!" cheered Ness and Pikachu.

_Roy and Snake  
On Break the Law_

"This sucks, we're in jail," mused Snake.

"You know, I can relate to that," laughed Roy.

"Shut up, dad! Is there anything you _can't_ relate to?" asked Snake furiously.

"Heh heh, well, when you get to be my age, there's not much that you haven't done," chuckled Roy, reminiscing.

"You're dumb," frowned Snake.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Oh, John, you're so nice to me!" giggled Jigglypuff, waddling towards the clue box.

"Um, you _can_ get the clue box, right?" asked Toon Link, "After all, I'm too short I can't reach it!"

"Actually," laughed Jigglypuff, "I was depending on you to do those sorts of things! Why, I won the award for 'shortest person in class of 17'! To think that they would give me such an award is just plain laughable! And to top that, they even..."

Toon Link sighed.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"The kids are still up ahead of us by the smallest margin!" said Yoshi, following Link.

"Man, we're doing good this leg, if we could just somehow fool the kids...we'd be first again!"

Yoshi tripped and fell, landing on a rusty nail.

"AWAWAHEKBFEBWF" screamed Yoshi, bleeding.

"Dude, how convenient," said Link, noticing the clue box five feet away. "Um, okay, you stay there, and I'll get the next clue..."

He took the next clue.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Alright, it says to find Lucas' father, Flint!" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay, look for somebody who looked like Lucas..." muttered Toon Link.

_A re-shot of Toon Link and Jigglypuff walking up to Lucas._

"He was a brown-haired, right?" asked Toon Link.

"Oh come on, I'm the stupid one and even I know it wasn't brown," laughed Jigglypuff.

...

"Besides, it was black!" she added.

A laugh track played.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"You must now search for Lucas' father, Flint, and he will give you your next clue!" read Link.

He nudged at Yoshi.

"Come on, Yoshi, there's little time to waste, those stupid kids are getting away!" said Link.

"My leg...it stings..." grumbled Yoshi, "You'll have to take the nail out, who knows what could be on it?"

"Ugh, fine, but it'll be icky..." said Link, spraying germ-away everywhere every five seconds.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Hello? Is Flint here?" asked Jigglypuff excitedly, running into a bar.

"You mean that guy with hair?" asked a local.

"That's the one!" beamed Jigglypuff, "So do you know where he is?"

Toon Link angrily grunted, and pointed to the 'Bald people only' sign at the front of the store.

"I'm sorry, but your boyfriend's gotta leave," said the bartender.

"Oh, that's okay, he's not my boyfriend," chuckled Jigglypuff, waving her...stub.

Toon Link had left already.

"To be honest, we haven't seen Flint in a long time," admitted the bartender.

"Because he is an outcast to society?" asked Jigglypuff.

"No, the reason being we haven't seen Flint in a long time is probably because we don't know who in Sam Hell this Flint guy is!" said the bartender.

Jigglypuff had left already.

"Tourists, they always in a hurry," said the bartender.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

After race-provided surgeons arrived and fixed Yoshi up, they continued on the race.

"You know," mused Link. "We're a pretty weak team, do you think we should just work with the kids?"

Link stopped walking, and noticed Yoshi was fifty feet/meters behind.

"Oh, I forgot you were a cripple now," laughed Link.

"Shut up!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Cripples can win races too, folks!" sneered Link to the camera.

"I said..."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Is Flint here?" asked Jigglypuff excitedly, opening a bag.

Boney jumped out and ripped her face off.

...

Jigglypuff died in a very HTF way.

Applause.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"La la la!" said Ness and Pikachu rhythmically.

"We still have 2 miles to go!" said Pikachu.

"I forgot my bag!" said Ness.

Dramatic pre-ad music played.

"Oh, wait, never mind, it's right he-"

_Advertisement_

"Ever got tired of walking?" asked Quinn. "Ever wanted to just take a ride?"

"Well with our latest invention, you don't have to walk anywhere!" said Kirby excitedly.

"Get ready for... ...the bike!1" said Quinn and Kirby simultaneously.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"-re," said Ness.

"Gosh that was almost perfect for an advertisement moment!" said Pikachu.

"I know, right?" agreed Ness. "Too bad we ruined it!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Quitting Detour_

"You know what?" said Lucario, "Let's just go ahead and take the penalty for not doing this task."

"I could think of something better..." said a sullen Mewtwo.

They walked towards the U-Turn board.

_Roy and Snake  
On Break the Law_

"We're about to complete the task!" said Roy excitedly.

Snake had a gun held up to a guard's head.

"One move, and I shoot!" said Snake, slowly walking towards the U-Turn mat.

"We're definitely going to win this leg now!" laughed Roy, walking forward.

Snake shot the hostage.

"...Snake, you're the dumbest, most trigger-happy person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting!" yelled Roy.

"Hey, I said nobody moves!" replied Snake, waving his arms, "And you moved! You specifically said to always follow your word!"

"Yeah, well, follow this!" said Roy, taking the hand gun and killing three of the guards.

Snake killed the rest and they together walked towards the U-Turn mat.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Attempting Fast Forward  
Time Remaining: 05:22_

"We have five minutes left!" said Ganondorf enthusiastically.

"We're gonna stay in after all!" smiled Falcon.

They did a frat five.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4th Place_

They noticed Mewtwo and Lucario had been U-Turned, and they snatched the next clue.

"Make your way to Tazmily Village!" read Roy. "Go by foot, and so on and so forth..."

"Let's call a taxi!" said Snake.

"Good thinking, Snake!" said Roy.

They called a taxi cab company.

High-pitched string music played.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
U-Turned_

They approached the mat, and realized in shock who was the unlucky team this time.

"Us?" asked Mewtwo angrily, "Why us? We're already behind just about everyone! And not only that, but we're going to have a three-hour penalty even if we do get the before at least one team!"

"This sucks, and you're to blame," accused Lucario.

"Shut up!" screamed Mewtwo, "I've had it up to here with your stupid excuses, your stupid songs, and your pathetic whining rants about your hangovers! Shut up, SHUT UP, **SHUT UP**, _**SHUT UP!1**_"

Lucario was already walking towards the Prison cell.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Completed Fast Forward_

"We're...we're done!" said Falcon excitedly, "We're finally done!"

A nearby production member handed Ganondorf the next clue.

"Make your way to the pit stop, Lucas' House!" read Ganondorf.

_"For completing the Fast Forward, Falcon and Ganondorf may go directly to the pit stop, Lucas' House!" said Koopa._

"Frat beer binge!" said Falcon and Ganondorf, getting wasted on booze.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"We can't find this Flint fellow!" said Jigglypuff, shocked. "Will we ever be able to find him?"

"This is terrible, we had done so well up until now..." said Toon Link horrified.

"I just hope the lawyers haven't found anything..." mused Jigglypuff.

"Maybe there's still hope," said Toon Link.

He pointed to Boney the dog.

"...So? It's a dog!" said Jigglypuff.

"The dog's master is Flint," explained Toon Link angrily, "Follow the dog, and you find its master!"

Jigglypuff thought for a second.

"Genius!" she said, smiling.

"Good thing it was _**my idea, and not yours,**_" said Toon Link angrily.

"Actually, we came up with that idea!" said Link from off-screen.

The camera panned to the Lawyers, who waved at the kids.

"But...how did you..." sputtered Toon Link.

"Mwa-hahaha, quite simple, my dear wattson," said Link, smiling evilly, "We simply waited until you two started conversing heavily..."

The camera started showing camera distortion, indicating this was a flashback.

_"We can't find this Flint fellow!" said Jigglypuff, shocked. "Will we ever be able to find him?"_

_"This is terrible, we had done so well up until now..." said Toon Link horrified. _

_"I just hope the lawyers haven't found anything..." mused Jigglypuff._

"Then we noticed you came up with a plan!" cackled Link.

_"Maybe there's still hope," said Toon Link. _

_He pointed to Boney the dog._

_"...So? It's a dog!" said Jigglypuff._

_"The dog's master is Flint," explained Toon Link angrily, "Follow the dog, and you find its master!"_

"Um, that happened twenty seconds ago," said Toon Link. "How on earth did you patent an idea in less than twenty seconds?"

"Firstly, we're lawyers," explained Link. "Second of all, your partner's dumber than a sack of potatoes, it was twenty-one seconds long."

Toon Link gasped.

"INGENIOUS!" he declared.

"UNETHICAL!" yelled Jigglypuff.

"Say what?" scratched Yoshi, tripping over his crutch.

"So in other words, you kids are screwed and we know your plans!" said Link, cackling evilly.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff were already well gone, as well as Boney.

...

"Curses!1" said Link, "We'll have to think of a new plan!"

Yoshi groaned, rubbing his good leg.

"Come along Yoshi, we need to find those meddling kids!" said Link, waving for Yoshi to follow.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Because we used a tandem-bike to get here, we're actually here faster than it normally would take to get here!" said Ness enthusiastically.

"You must now find Flint, Lucas' father, who will give you your next clue!" read Pikachu.

"I think we've caught up to the others," pointed out Ness, the Lawyers and students a few hundred yards/meters away.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We need to go into over time," explained Roy to Snake. "We're obviously one of the last teams to leave the detour."

"Driver! Speed up!" commanded Snake, handing the driver a wad of cash.

"We seem to be going pretty fast," noticed Roy.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Break the Law_

"We're right back at the start," said Lucario angrily. "Two hours' work wasted."

"And now we have to go through the same task that we were originally struggling on," said Mewtwo, barely containing his anger.

They walked past the guard.

"Wow, that was easier than we made it for ten pages," said Mewtwo.

"Didn't they say it would get harder every time we failed?" pointed out Lucario.

Mewtwo and Lucario noticed the ball and chain around their left and right legs, respectively.

Mewtwo and Lucario noticed the increased amount of guards outside the door of the prison cell hallway.

Mewtwo and Lucario noticed the guards also had dogs.

"I hate you," said Lucario simply to Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"We really need to get to that pit stop, fast as we can," said Ganondorf. "Who knows how far behind the Fast Forward has made us?"

"Yeah, we're probably so far behind, dude..." said Falcon.

"Taxi!" hailed Ganondorf.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"The dog is getting away!" said Toon Link desperately.

Jigglypuff followed Toon Link, but stopped after five yards/meters.

"Too...tired..." puffed Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff noticed they hadn't moved since their last scene.

Jigglypuff pouted.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"You know, this stupid task is really eating away at our time," noticed Link.

"Maybe if you didn't rant on and on about your stupid plan to patent their idea," grumbled Yoshi, "You would have not lost them!"

Yoshi looked behind them.

"Are you kidding me?" asked Yoshi in disbelief.

Link also turned around.

"Wow, for real?" asked Link angrily.

Ness and Pikachu started approaching them.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friend(s)_

"Hey guys!" said Ness happily, waving to the two disgruntled Lawyers, "Looks like we've finally caught up with you guys since the plane landed!"

"Please tell me you're the only team who's caught up," pleaded Yoshi.

"Actually, we left Roy and Snake at the Detour, and we never saw the Twins or the Frats!" said Ness.

"So we could be fourth and fifth or second and third," said Link solemnly. "Those kids are over there..."

"Well, we could work together on this task and help each other beat Jigglypuff!" said Ness invitingly.

"Sure, why not," said Yoshi, "Let's demote ourselves to a level of desperation where we get help and info from a deluded kid and his stuffed animal."

"Oh fine then!" said Ness, leaving the two of them behind and walking up to Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We have less than one mile left," said Snake.

"Our taxi driver really propelled us," said Roy, "We probably caught up with everyone else after _that_ car ride!"

They stepped out the taxi, paid their taxi driver and took the next clue.

"You must now find Lucas' father, Flint, who will give you your next clue!" read Roy.

"I hear voices!" said Snake, "And not the ones I normally hear in my voice! I Yoshi's lulling voice!"

Roy added an extra dose to the medicine, and sedated Snake.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Break the Law_

"This is our twenty-fifth attempt," said Mewtwo.

"And the only reason we're actually about to beat it is because either all the guards are dead or they're asleep from exhaustion from catching us in previous attempts." explained Lucario, spitting tobacco out.

Mewtwo frowned.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"I hope we aren't still in last," said Falcon.

"That Fast Forward helped us, Falcon, we're still in this!" said Ganondorf.

"I just have such a bad feeling, though," said Falcon.

"That's probably because the taxi's on top of you," explained Ganondorf.

Falcon realized that the taxi was on top of him.

"It appears that the taxi is impaling my backbone! Why, such searing pain I am feeling that-"

Falcon died.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We've caught up, look Snake!" said Roy.

"This Flint fellow appears to be a slippery one," said Snake, his eyes shifting side to side.

"If we just follow the Lawyers..." said Roy.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"It appears that the father and son have caught up and we're now all together again." noticed Link.

"I hate you," said Yoshi, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"If we just follow the kids..." said Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Best Friend(s)_

"Can we work with you guys?" asked Ness.

"No," said Toon Link, leaving him and Pikachu.

"If we just follow the students..." said Pikachu.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"Actually, if we just listen to the magical kazzjaf, we'll be okay!" smiled Jigglypuff.

"That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of!" said Toon Link.

"Oh mighty kazzjaf, bring us good luck!" said Jigglypuff, performing a ritual with Toon Link's most prized possessions.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Excuse me, do you know where a taxi rank is?" asked Ganondorf.

"Yes, yes I do." said the man. "There's one down that road."

"Thanks man!" said Ganondorf.

Falcon was dead.

"Come on Falcon, we can barely stay in this!" said Ganondorf, eyes wide.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"So we're done," said Mewtwo simply.

"Make your way to Tazmily Village," read Lucario out loud for the camera.

"We have to stay in, for our honor!" said Mewtwo aloud.

Lucario walked inside a strip club bar.

"...For my honor!" said Mewtwo loudly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Students_

"There's Flint!" said Jigglypuff very, very loud for conveniences' sakes.

"What was that?" said Link, turning in their direction.

"Oh, well at least Ness and the Father and son didn't hear us!" laughed Jigglypuff nervously.

"Actually, we've been following the Lawyers this whole time and even listened in on their secret plans to rule-oh forget it, we just heard you, okay?" said Roy angrily.

Ness was already taking the first clue from Flint.

"OH NOES" screamed Jigglypuff, Toon Link, Roy, Link, Snake, and Yoshi.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Roadblock!" read Ness aloud, "Who in your team has hay bale rolling skills?"

_"Roadblock! A roadblock is a task only one person from each team may perform!" explained Koopa, "In this roadblock, teams must unroll bales of hay from Flint's farm outwards, then search each bale of hay they unravel for their clue. Only 20 out of 102 bales have clues in them, so teams must search carefully!"_

"Looks like this one's yours, Ness!" said Pikachu.

"Hey, look, _**Lucas' house**_ is a mile down that road, if I remember correctly!" said Ness.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Roadblock!" read Link, "Who in your team has hay bale rolling skills?"

Link looked at Yoshi's bleeding, beaten, bruised, mutilated leg.

"...I'll do it," laughed Link nervously.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Roadblock!" read Jigglypuff. " Who in your team has hay bale rolling skills?"

"Er, you do it," said Toon Link anxiously.

"There's four of us on this last task before the pit stop!" said Jigglypuff, "I can just feel the pit stop nearby!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Roadblock!" read Snake, " Who in your team has hay bale rolling skills?"

"I'll do it!" said Roy frantically, "I'll make positive sure we beat these guys to the mat!"

"We're going to show these guys who's boss!" said Snake, cackling evilly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Alright, take us straight to Tazmily Village, Lucas' House!" said Ganondorf.

"Okay, that is a really long way," commented the taxi driver. "You sure you want to?"

"Yes, and speed 50 mph past the speed limit," said Falcon.

Falcon handed him a wad of money.

The taxi driver complied.

"We're still in this, man!" said Ganondorf and Falcon, frat-fiving.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"We have to walk there?" asked Mewtwo in confusion.

"Yes, and it's a 4-mile walk." added Lucario.

"Maybe we should run?" asked Mewtwo.

"Yes, let's..." said Lucario.

They sprinted all-out.

_Link  
On Roadblock_

"Okay, starting the task," said Link nervously.

"He's under a lot of pressure already," said Yoshi to the camera, as Link had walked off, "So I'm not going to yell at him..."

"What's a bale again?" asked Link confusedly.

Yoshi sighed.

_Roy  
On Roadblock_

"We have little time," commented Roy to the camera, "So I'm gonna do this as fast as I can."

He unrolled one bale of hay.

Roy passed out from the exhaustion.

"What an oldie," laughed Snake.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

Jigglypuff pushed and shoved one single bale of hay repeatedly.

Nothing happened.

"I have to think of something to tip these over with, as it appears I am too weak.." said Jigglypuff, thinking hard.

She watched Link push down a bale of hay.

She rushed over, shuffled through the hay for a clue, and found nothing.

"Curses!" cursed Jigglypuff.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"Maybe me and Jigglypuff should work together," mused Ness.

He walked over to a disappointed Jigglypuff.

"Hey, Jigglypuff, do you want to work together?" asked Ness.

Jigglypuff realized her luck, and cackled evilly.

"Sure thing, we'll unroll each bale of hay together!" she replied back to him.

_Roy  
On Roadblock_

Roy pushed a bale of hay over.

"Now to search it..." he said, looking nervous.

He searched through it frantically, looking for anything clue-related.

"Nothing," he said sadly. "I need to keep my team ahead of the two kid teams and those sleazy lawyers!"

_Link  
On Roadblock_

"Only one bale of hay...for me..." panted Link.

He looked at everyone else's progress.

"One for Roy...and two for Ness...and none for Jigglypuff 'cause she sucks!" laughed Link.

"Stay focused!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Whatever," grumbled Link.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

"Push!" said Jigglypuff, as she and Ness did so.

They rolled over another bale of hay.

"Okay, let's see if this one has the clue!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

They searched through it.

"Nothing..." said Jigglypuff, scratching her head.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

Ness dug through the hay frantically.

"THERE HAS TO BE A CLUE, DARN IT!" yelled Ness randomly. "WHERE? WHERE IS IT?"

Everyone stared at him.

_Link  
On Roadblock_

"I need to beat these stupid teams and get first again and laugh in all their dumb faces..." grumbled Link.

As he unraveled the hay, a laminated clue fell out from it, and was covered in the hay Ness was throwing in the air randomly.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"If I could just find one of these clues..." whimpered Ness.

"I wanna be first so dang bad," said Ness, "Why can I ever be first?"

Everyone looked at Ness weirdly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay, next clue!" said Mewtwo excitedly, out of breath.

"You must now find Flint!" he read, panting in between words.

"I'm surprised," said Lucario, "We ran 4 miles in 9 minutes..."

"I never knew I could run that fast!" chuckled Mewtwo.

"Hurry, I think we're gaining on the other teams," said Lucario optimistically.

_Link  
On Roadblock_

"If I could just find...this clue..." said Link.

He unraveled his third bale of hay.

"Third one, and nothing!" said Link.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

"Our second one," said Jigglypuff.

They pushed it over.

And searched, finding nothing.

_Roy  
On Roadblock_

"If this doesn't have one..." muttered Roy.

He pushed yet another one over.

"Again nothing," sighed Roy.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"Golly gosh, I hope I find a clue!" said Ness, wide-eyed.

He and Jigglypuff pushed another bale of hay down.

A clue appeared.

"Oh how convenient," said Jigglypuff. "There's only one."

Ness and Jigglypuff looked at each other menacingly.

"Don't you dare..." they growled to each other.

...

They began rolling in the hay, fighting over the clue.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay, so we're here," said Lucario, in a bar.

"This is _not_ where Flint is," said Mewtwo angrily.

"Says you," said Lucario coyly, taking a beer.

_Jigglypuff  
On Roadblock_

"I...need...this...clue!" declared Jigglypuff, "We haven't won since leg two!"

"We haven't even won a leg before!" said Ness angrily, "Give it over!"

Jigglypuff rolled over Ness several times.

Ness punched Jigglypuff, making her nose bleed.

Jigglypuff, uh...sang Ness to near unconsciousness.

Ness shoved Jigglypuff in the nearest bale of hay and ran off with the clue.

"Mwahhahahahaha, it is mine, Jigglypuff!" laughed Ness, jumping with joy.

Suddenly the bale of hay ran Ness over when he was only ten yards/meters (gosh I hate this stupid measurement difference) from his team mate.

Jigglypuff leaped out of the hay and stole the clue from Ness' bruised hand, and ran off with it, cackling evilly.

_Link  
On Roadblock_

"I am about to lose i-..." Link noticed the clue Roy had dropped earlier. "The clue!"

He took it.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Make your way to the next pit stop, Lucas' House!" read Jigglypuff with enthusiasm of that of a happy person.

"_Having completed every task, __Teams must now travel to the Lucas' House, one mile away from the family farm!" said Koopa Troopa. "This is the seventh pit stop of eleven; The last team to check in here may be eliminated!"_

"We need this win!" said Jigglypuff.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Just like last leg, it's us and those kids," said Yoshi angrily. "We need this win!"

"I'm ready, Yoshi! Ready to win!" said Link.

_Roy  
On Roadblock_

"Ugh, there go the Lawyers and the kids..." grumbled Roy. "Looks like it's just me and Ness..."

"Just like old times, in the back again!" cursed Snake, throwing the hay in his hands to the ground.

"Wait, when have we ever done worse than fifth?" asked Roy.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"Hey, at least...at least the father and son are still here..." said Pikachu weakly.

"Shut up, Pikachu!" said Ness angrily. "We lost first place because of me!"

"It's not your fault, man!" said Pikachu, "Don't blame yourself..."

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're here!" said Mewtwo with optimism.

"We're here," noticed Lucario, seeing the other teams.

"I guess all the hustling really did pay off," mused Lucario.

"Roadblock!" read Mewtwo, "Who in your team has hay bale rolling skills?"

"I'll do it," answered Mewtwo, "I'll just make it go by fast!"

"That's what she said," said Lucario effortlessly.

"Wait..." said Mewtwo, "If we're still in last and we're all the way at the last task, then...then that means-"

_At the Pit Stop_

"If only this leg would somehow break a record or something, or maybe make a really epic scene!" said Koopa hopefully.

Link and Yoshi smashed through the front door's side window.

Jigglypuff came through the roof, Toon Link holding onto her leg.

Yoshi, bleeding, covered in glass and his right leg about to fall off, groaned.

"Come on, Yoshi, we can be first again!" said Link enthusiastically.

Toon Link accidentally let go of Jigglypuff, and landed on a lamp.

It electrocuted him repeatedly.

Jigglypuff, relieved of her weight, hit a wall.

Link grabbed Yoshi and dragged him towards the pit stop.

Suddenly, out of complete and sheer luck and just for the epic awesomeness that such a fic as only this one and maybe one or more others, Falcon and Ganondorf's taxi burst through the brick wall, sending bricks and metal everywhere.

The taxi's wheel crushed Yoshi, sending several pieces of glass further into Yoshi's epidermis; Jigglypuff shook herself off and touched the mat.

Toon Link, weary and shocked (literally!), stood up weakly.

Falcon swung the taxi door open, which hit Toon Link and sent him flying into a solid concrete wall.

Ganondorf jumped out the glass window of the taxi, and landed on the mat.

Link tried to wedge Yoshi out from underneath the taxi, to no avail.

A fire started from within the taxi, and Falcon, caught on his seat belt, tried to untie it only to get further mixed up.

Jigglypuff tried to shake Toon Link awake.

The taxi exploded, sending Link through another glass window of the house, and Yoshi's bleeding body landed on the mat; Toon Link and Jigglypuff were covered in rubble.

Falcon and Ganondorf stood on the pit stop mat, looking frightened.

"Tell us Koopa, are we still in?" asked Falcon in horror.

Koopa Troopa looked very, _very_ stunned.

"Well man? What place did we get?" asked Ganondorf, "...We did manage to beat someone, right? ...Right?"

"Falcon and Ganondorf...you're... you're team number..." stuttered Koopa. "T-team number _**one**_..."

"NOOO- Wait, what?" asked the frats. "How are we first? Our flight was la-"

"Your prize is a personal cruise to the nice and amazing Yoshi's Island, where you'll see dozens of animals, ones found nowhere else..." said Koopa, still shocked.

"Um, awesome, I guess?" said Falcon, a little confused.

"I just want to know, how the heck we're first..." said Ganondorf.

Link groaned and shook his head, and tried to crawl to the mat.

He was five meters away when Jigglypuff stepped on his hand, crushing it, and then dragged Toon Link to the pit stop.

"Teams Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Link and Yoshi, you're teams number two and three!" said Koopa snapping out of the shock.

"We're two _again_?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I'm in so much pain right now..." said Link, losing blood rapidly.

"Clearly that wasn't epic enough," said Koopa, laughing nervously. "If only an even _more_ epic event would happen, raising the ratings of this show..."

Roy and Snake ran in.

"Roy and Snake, you're the fourth team to arrive," stated Koopa.

"Let me guess," said Roy, "When me and Snake killed 14 people, unarmed and in the most violent ways, you decided to penalize us?"

"Actually," said Koopa, "I was going to penalize you for using a taxi when a clue clearly said 'on foot or tandem bike only'..."

"Damn it Snake, how many damn times are you going to get us penalized?" yelled Roy angrily.

_Roy and Snake  
Penalized: 4:57_

"We're so going to get eliminated," said Roy angrily.

"You were the one to suggest the taxi," said Snake, as-a-matter-of-factly.

_Outside_

"So apparently we're supposed to be running now," said Lucario, walking towards the house with Mewtwo.

Ness and Pikachu drove by with their taxi.

"Damn it, we were allowed to use taxis?" asked Lucario angrily.

"God, this is sooo unfair," complained Mewtwo.

Ness and Pikachu, cackling, jumped out of the taxi and ran to the front door.

"Curses," cursed Ness, "It's locked!"

The Twins ran past them towards the back door.

Ness followed, cursing as he dragged Pikachu along.

Lucario opened the back door, and closed it behind Mewtwo.

Ness took a deep breath, and jumped through a nearby window, which was conveniently broken already by Link.

Ness stepped on a safety pin.

Ness cried and fell to the ground, sobbing.

Mewtwo and Lucario walked past him.

Ness weakly got up and limped after them.

"Wait...where's the room, Lucario?" asked Mewtwo, looking around.

"_I can check you in, now, Roy and Snake..._" the four remaining racers heard.

"THE PIT STOP!" screamed Lucario, Pikachu, Ness and Mewtwo.

The four of them ran up the flight of stairs nearby, and Lucario tripped.

Snake and Roy noticed in horror, the two desperate teams.

Snake tackled Roy, and they both landed on the mat.

Ness hit Mewtwo with a baseball bat in the face.

Snake pressed a detonator, and a tree conveniently blocked the pathway between the mat and the top of the stairs.

Ness tossed Pikachu over the other side, and tried to wade through the branches.

Lucario picked up Mewtwo, and using him as a battering ram, he charged through the underbrush, running Ness over and they landed on the mat.

Ness gave a small sob, as he weakly touched the mat.

Koopa spoke after a little bit.

"Roy and Snake, having survived your five-minute penalty," said Koopa, "You are team number four."

Mewtwo and Lucario, Pikachu and Ness looked onward.

"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are the fifth team to arrive," said Koopa.

Mewtwo and Lucario looked a little confused.

"However, you decided skipping the detour was a wise idea," said Koopa, chuckling.

"NOOO!1" screamed the Twins.

"This incurs a three-hour penalty, meaning until three-hours are up you cannot check in!" finished Koopa.

Ness looked relieved.

"Ness and Pikachu, you are the last team to arrive, but because Mewtwo and Lucario have a three-hour penalty, you are team number five!" said Koopa.

"Still in the race!" said Ness and Pikachu, cheering.

"Mewtwo and Lucario...You are the last team to arrive. And I'm sorry to say..." said Koopa. "...This is a _non-elimination_ leg, and you are saved for now!"

Mewtwo and Lucario looked dumbfounded.

"Are you kidding me?" asked Mewtwo, "Are we really that dang lucky?"

"I am soooo happy right now," said Lucario.

"However, your three-hour penalty will be added to the next leg departures, instead, and not only that but you have a speed bump to complete! So you have a long way to go before you recover from your mistakes," said Koopa.

"I'm just happy to be in for one more leg," explained Mewtwo tiredly.

Lucas walked inside the house.

"AHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE?" he screamed.

Lucas noticed just about all the windows were broken, and a taxi was parked in his living room.

"Let me guess..." he sighed, "Season two?"

Mewtwo and Lucario nodded fervently.

**Finish Times: **

Falcon and Ganondorf: 10:13 AM

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 10:14 AM

Link and Yoshi: 10:15 AM

Roy and Snake: 10:21 AM

Ness and Pikachu: 10:23 AM

Mewtwo and Lucario: 10:24 AM

Hey guys, decided to make it up with you all and give you a seventh leg already.

Be sure to review, and when you do, tell me who you liked, hated, thought was funny, who should be eliminated, and the such.

Tune in next time, kids, and be sure to tell your friends about how riveting the story is!


	8. A Time Machine Runs on What?

"Last time, on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race..." said Koopa. "The top six teams went to Tazmily Island! On the way over, flight complications screwed up placings.."

_"We are sorry to tell you that the flight has been delayed for an hour," said the pilot._

_"What?" said Ness angrily. "That lead was for nothing?"_

"The supposed first flight departed after the second, making the Frats, Falcon and Ganondorf, and the students Toon Link and Jigglypuff take the lead!"

_"I think we're going to have to lie to the frats to stay in," said Toon Link sadly._

"Meanwhile, supposed first departers Roy and Snake, Mewtwo and Lucario, Ness and Pikachu & Link and Yoshi arrived a few minutes after the other flight!"

_"We're behind those dumb frats and the annoying kids!" said Yoshi._

"Falcon and Ganondorf, thinking they were last, took the Fast Forward in their desperation!"

_"Wait, there's a Fast Forward here!" said Ganondorf. "We should totally take it to catch up to the others!"_

"This propelled them, all the way to first!" said Koopa with enthusiasm.

_"Falcon and Ganondorf...you're... you're team number..." stuttered Koopa. "T-team number __**one**__..."_

_"NOOO- Wait, what?" asked the frats. "How are we first? Our flight was la-"_

"Meanwhile, the Twins, finding the detour extremely difficult, decided to try the other task of the detour!" said Koopa.

_"THAT'S IT!" howled Lucario, "We're bald-snarking this!"_

"Upon completing the other task of the detour finally, they came to the U-Turn mat, only to find themselves on the bad end of the draw!"

_They approached the mat, and realized in shock who was the unlucky team this time._

_"Us?" asked Mewtwo angrily, "Why us? We're already behind just about everyone!"_

"And so they had to do the actual task they had struggled with even more!"

_"We're right back at the start," said Lucario angrily. "Two hours' work wasted."_

"The U-Turn perpetrators, Link and Yoshi, took the lead for a while with the students Jigglypuff and Toon Link when it came to completing the detour! However, when it came to finding Flint, the other two teams, Ness and Pikachu & Roy and Snake caught up also!"

_"It appears that the father and son have caught up and we're now all together again." noticed Link._

"All four teams started the roadblock all together, only to have the Students and the lawyers yet again pull ahead and complete it first!"

_"Just like last leg, it's us and those kids," said Yoshi angrily. "We need this win!"_

"In the race for first, it came down to the lawyers, students, and the very confused frats!" exclaimed Koopa.

_Falcon swung the taxi door open, which hit Toon Link and sent him flying into a solid concrete wall._

_Ganondorf jumped out the glass window of the taxi, and landed on the mat._

_Link tried to wedge Yoshi out from underneath the taxi, to no avail._

"The Fraternity Brothers prevailed, ending up as the sixth team to win a leg!" said Koopa with a suggestive look. "Toon Link and Jigglypuff, longtime second-placers, placed second again, much to their distaste!"

_"We're two __again__?" said Jigglypuff angrily._

"Roy and Snake were penalized for the second time in two legs!" said Koopa dramatically.

_"Damn it Snake, how many damn times are you going to get us penalized?" yelled Roy angrily._

"And it came down to a battle between the best friends and the Twins!"

_Ness hit Mewtwo with a baseball bat in the face._

"...With Mewtwo and Lucario arriving first!"

_"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are the fifth team to arrive," said Koopa._

"However, in their desperation to skip the Detour and take the penalty, Mewtwo and Lucario found themselves forced to last place!"

_"However, you decided skipping the detour was a wise idea. This incurs a three-hour penalty, meaning until three-hours are up you cannot check in!" finished Koopa._

"Yet in a second surprising turn of events, Mewtwo and Lucario were spared from a Non-elimination!" said Koopa.

_"However, your three-hour penalty will be added to the next leg departures, instead, and not only that but you have a speed bump to complete! So you have a long way to go before you recover from your mistakes," said Koopa._

"After seven pit stops, only six teams have remained. Who will be eliminated, next?" asked Koopa.

**The Teams: (With their current average for placements, Courtesy of IStalkKirby!)**

Falcon and Ganondorf (5.14)

Roy and Snake (2.71)

Ness and Pikachu (6.29)

Mewtwo and Lucario (3)

Link and Yoshi (6.14)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (2.71)

"Can team Roy and Snake stop getting pathetic penalizations and finally bump up to first for once? Will Ness and Pikachu, the only remaining team without a win finally get first and prove themselves worthy? And will Mewtwo and Lucario, who have a Speed Bump, a shaky alliance, and three hours' worth behind the next placing team, ever catch up and stay in the race after narrowly being saved once?"

"Team Falcon and Ganondorf, who were first to arrive at 10:13 AM, will depart at 10:13 PM!

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
1st to Depart; 10:13 PM_

"It feels good to be racing again after being out of comission for so long!" said Falcon, stretching his legs.

Ganondorf ripped open the next clue.

"You must now make your way to... what does that say... oh, Mushroom City, the communistic country that closely resembles Mushroom Kingdom!" read Ganondorf.

_"Teams must now buy tickets to any random flight leading to Mushroom City, a communistic region! Upon completing this, they must travel to the Sport Resort center! At the entrance, they will find their next clue!" said Koopa Troopa._

"We're ready to win this leg!" said Ganondorf, "Me and Falcon received confidence lessons!"

_Five hours ago_

"Breathe in... breathe out..." said their confidence counselor. "Breathe in... breathe out..."

Falcon and Ganondorf breathed in.

"...Breathe out now," said the counselor.

Falcon and Ganondorf turned a darker shade.

"...Uh, breathe _out_," said their counselor.

Falcon and Ganondorf turned a darker shade.

"BREATHE OUT, BREATHE OUT!1"screamed their counselor.

Ganondorf breathed out, while Falcon passed out.

The room caught on fire.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Yeah, I thought the lessons were pretty calming," said Falcon, smiling.

"I concur," chuckled Ganondorf, wearing a fake mustache and chortling.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
2nd to Depart; 10:14 PM_

"Make your way to the closest airport and buy tickets to Mushroom City!" read Toon Link.

Jigglypuff was trying to limber up, but failed due to her height.

"We need to hurry and catch this flight," explained Toon Link. "We seriously need a better flight than the other teams."

Jigglypuff was too busy crying.

_Link and Yoshi  
3rd to Depart; 10:15 PM_

"Make your way to the closest airport and buy tickets to Mushroom City!" read Link.

"We are pretty happy with our newfound power," explained Yoshi, "I mean, the last two legs, we've been at the top of the pack, and we plan on staying that way for the rest of the race!"

"Oh, and so far no one seems to dislike us for the long run," added Link. "Come to think of it, everyone else has been falling at the seams trying to destroy each other so maybe we can slip ahead when everyone else is busy with the catfights."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We need to work together with someone on this, don't you think bro?" asked Falcon.

"Yeah, we can't seem to find where the heck the closest airport is." mused Ganondorf.

"The father and son are too stupid, Ness is impulsive, the Twins are way too far behind... what about the kids, Jigglypuff and whatshisname?" Falcon said.

"IT'S TOON LINK!" screamed Toon Link from a nearby taxi.

A sword gored the back of Falcon's head.

"Oh, that's right, it's Link's clone!" smiled Falcon, dying.

"Why does everyone say that?" said Young Li- I mean, Toon Link.

"We all know you're just Young Link with plastic surgery!" said Ganondorf wisely.

"Moving on, can we work with you guys?" asked Falcon hopefully, reincarnated, as his religion happened to be Hinduism.

"Fine, but we need a team alliance name!" smiled Jigglypuff.

"Why?" asked Ganondorf, annoyed.

"Because it helps with our...motivation?" said Jigglypuff nervously.

"Fine by me!" said a giddy Falcon. "Let's be the unicorns!"

"I want to be the Night Wolves 2.0!" said Toon Link, pouting.

"Dude, no inside jokes," said Ganondorf.

"Aw man!" pouted Toon Link, who began having a pity party.

"I say Unicorns!" said Jigglypuff. "All in favor, raise your hands!"

Jigglypuff and Falcon raised their hands. Along with their driver, who raised both.

"HANDS ON THE WHEEL!1" screamed Ganondorf, horrified.

Their driver quickly put his hands back on the wheel.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We're wanting to buy tickets on the earliest flight to Mushroom City," said Link into the phone.

Some random foreigner with an accent Link couldn't understand said a bunch of stuff Link couldn't interpret.

"It's for you," said Link, handing the phone to Yoshi.

A random annoying laugh track played.

"Yes?" said Yoshi.

"Yoshi yo yo yoshi shi sho yoshy yo?" asked the flight call answerer.

"Yoshi yoshi shi sho yo!" exclaimed Yoshi.

"Oh, why didn't you say so?" asked the flight call Yoshi. "Two tickets for the 2:30 AM flight straight away!"

"What?" asked Link, confused.

_Roy and Snake  
4th to Depart; 10:21 PM_

"Make your way to the closest airport and buy tickets to Mushroom City!" read Snake.

"I remember a time when-" began Roy.

"Shut up, I don't care." snapped Snake.

Roy burst into tears.

_Roy and Snake  
Pre-leg Interview_

"I don't have the time or the patience to listen to my father's rantings," explained Snake angrily. "I'm tired, exhausted and worn out, the Frats have been getting to me recently, and my nails are ruined!"

Snake burst into tears.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"I think the four of us are the elite teams," explained Toon Link, "Along with Roy and Snake. We're the teams who will be taking it to the final leg!"

"You can bet your silver dollar on that!" smiled Ganondorf.

"They make those?" asked Falcon, confused.

"Hi, we'd like to have four tickets to the fastest flight to Mushroom City," explained Toon Link.

"We're on a race!" said Jigglypuff, smiling.

"The fastest flight is at 1:15 AM, though it's a connecting flight through the Wild Lands," explained the flight worker. "However, there is another flight at 2:00..."

"So this is basically a gamble," said Falcon. "Either take this flight that has a 50-50 chance of being delayed or take a later flight which is 45 minutes behind..."

"Should we take it?" asked Toon Link. "What do the rest of you think?"

"I dunno. It's pretty risky," mused Ganondorf.

"I would go for it!" smiled Jigglypuff. "Forget the setbacks and failures, no matter what happens, just go for the win!"

"Wow, that was so encouraging, that I'm totally taking the risk for first so we can win this thing!" said Toon Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
5th to Depart; 10:23 PM_

"Make your way to the closest airport and buy tickets to Mushroom City!" read Pikachu.

"Man, 'tis so late..." yawned Ness.

"And the race continues on," lamented Pikachu. "Another chapter in our epic quest to win the million dollars."

"How do we even know the money is real? It could be just a million pesos... or maybe just a million rupees. Isn't like ten pesos one cent in american dollars?" asked Ness stressfully.

Pikachu merely rolled his eyes.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Well the kiddies are on the earliest flight, but at a risk..." mumbled Ganondorf.

"Man, this is so stressful... what the heck should _we_ do?" asked Falcon, scratching his head/helmet.

"We should... I say we should... we take the later flight!" said Ganondorf.

"Alright, if you say so..." mumbled Falcon.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We need tickets...call the airport!" said Roy.

"All the phones are dead!" said Snake. "And they've been... _**CUT?**_"

"By you!" said Roy angrily.

"I'm sorry... I can't hear you... over your pointless DRONING!1" screamed Snake angrily.

"You're the worst son ever!" snapped Roy.

The pair of them burst into tears.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"We need to seriously pull ourselves together," mused Pikachu. "If we keep to ourselves and don't get into the other teams' affairs, we should be okay..."

"There's only five other teams standing in our way of the million! We must find their weaknesses and destroy them! Then we can steal the million and become the winners of the official Extra Smashy Amazing Race! Mwa-hahahahaaaa!1" screamed Ness.

"How will we do such a nefarious scheme?" asked Pikachu, posing after he stated this, making it look like they had thought of all this ahead of time.

"With... this!" said Ness, pulling out the 'Time Machine' box.

"Oh no...are you serious?" asked Pikachu.

"Oh, I'm serious... I've been waiting to use this baby for a while now!" said Ness. "I would've used it earlier, but..."

"But what?" asked Pikachu.

"But I ran into some technical issues involving this sexy piece of machinery..." admitted Ness sadly.

_Three Legs ago_

_"Man, almost done with this piece of crap," panted a relieved Ness._

_He was busy adding the 'M' in Ti_**m**_e Machine, but Marth walked in._

_"Hey Ness, watcha doing?" asked Marth, smiling._

_Ness, distracted by Marth, messed up the 'M', making it into, well, something not-M-esque._

_"Curse you, Marth! This will take months to repair!" screamed Ness. "I wrote this in Sharpie!"_

"And because of Marth and Ike's evil plan, I had to withhold our little secret weapon until now." explained Ness.

"That's good, because we need to win this leg." said Pikachu.

"Onward, to victory!" screamed Ness.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Well let's think this through," said Roy. "We should just walk if we can't seem to get a taxi."

"Yeah, that'd help," nodded Snake.

They calmly jotted towards the local airport.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We're taking that 2:00 flight and hopefully their flight gets delayed," said Ganondorf.

"We didn't go with the 1:15 AM risk flight," explained Falcon.

"The risk wasn't worth it!" said Ganondorf.

Link and Yoshi, who had been walking past, heard what they had said, and went to go change their tickets.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"We're booking a flight that lands at 1:15 AM!" said Ness.

"We're joining the ranks of first!" smiled Pikachu. "Maybe we'll bask in first for once!"

"We have...a reliable source these were first flight tickets..." grinned Ness, as a strange figure dashed away, trying not to be seen by the camera.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We need a little separation from each other," said Snake. "Me and my dad don't exactly see eye to eye..."

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We changed our flight to 2 AM." explained Link. "Turns out, we would have been 1 hour and 15 Minutes behind one flight, and 30 Minutes behind another, and we could have been so screwed. But we were saved by pure luck."

"Man we are so lucky," said a relieved Yoshi. "And to think you said it was a bad idea to blow our money on horse shoes and rabbit's paws!"

Yoshi showed the collection of said items around his neck.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Last to Depart; 1:24 AM_

"We're last out," said Lucario incredulously.

"Three hours behind, we suck at communicating, just about out of race money, and now we have no packs." grumbled Mewtwo.

"Like I knew who that was," muttered Lucario. "My bad..."

"It was a security guard! Yes, your bad!" said Mewtwo.

"How was I supposed to know?" asked Lucario, "How?"

"It said _security guard_ on his uniform, Lucario! You were high! It was obvious when you tried to make out with that guy!" yelled Mewtwo.

"I... did that...?" asked Lucario, blushing.

"YES! AND NOW WE HAVE NOTHING!" screamed Mewtwo.

"We have the clue... and 97 dollars..." said Lucario.

"We're walking to the airport." said a disgruntled Mewtwo.

_The camera views some airplanes taking off and Koopa's voice comes on_.

_"All teams now have a flight to Mushroom City!" said Koopa Troopa._

_"On the 1:15 AM Flight is Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Ness and Pikachu!"  
"On the 2:00 AM Flight is Falcon and Ganondorf, Link and Yoshi, Roy and Snake!"  
"On the 2:30 AM Flight is Mewtwo and Lucario!"_

_"Once the flight lands, they must find the Sport Resort! Outside the building will be their next clue!"_

_1:22 AM  
First Flight Landed_

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're in the top two! We have this in the bag!" said Toon Link.

"Our flight was delayed," lamented Jigglypuff. "Though not by much."

"We're still ahead, that's all that counts!" smiled Toon Link.

"I hope the two of us win this leg!" said Jigglypuff, "That would be really nifty!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're one of two teams competing for the prize this time around! We have this in the bag!" said Ness, eyes wide.

"We have the lead, the teamwork, and the secret weapon to win this!" said Pikachu, with a huge grin.

"We're in it to win it!" chanted Ness.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We need to find a taxi... Hey, wait!" called out Toon Link.

"This is major traffic jam!" said Jigglypuff, eyes wide.

Toon Link spat on the ground. "We have only our buddy Ness to compete, and he seems too gullible to be a threat!"

Jigglypuff cackled manically.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"We're going to use it when we reach the next clue!" said Ness.

"Taxi! Over here!" called out Pikachu.

"How rude! The guy didn't even stop to listen!" said Ness angrily.

"Maybe its because-"

"That joke is sooo old, like your mom," said Ness. "Your mom is so old, she sat behind Jesus in the third grade!"

"Oh yeah?" asked Pikachu, "Well, your mo-"

"Pikachu? I was saying that to the camera man..." said Ness angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

The students shoved all their belongings in the back of the taxi.

"To the Sport Resort!" commanded Jigglypuff.

"Right-o!" said the taxi driver.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"We are going to walk there!" said Pikachu. "Taxis refuse to stop for us."

"This will be faster than the cars anyways..." added Ness.

They ran past the cars who were backed up in major traffic, so much so they were moving less than 5 mph.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Pre-leg Interview_

"We make a great team," explained Toon Link. "Though, I won't say we don't argue. Every team is bound to argue sometimes..."

"Yeah, we just forgive and forget!" said Jigglypuff.

"Hold it! You are under arrest for attempted murder!" yelled a SWAT member, handcuffing Toon Link.

"HELP ME JIGGLYPUFF!1" screamed Toon Link.

"Oh, and you never helped me with my insomnia problems, why should I help?" asked Jigglypuff angrily, walking away.

_Ness and Pikachu  
1:26 AM_

"There it is!" said Ness, pedalling with Pikachu on their trademark tandem bike.

"How long have we been on our tandem bike?" asked Pikachu.

"Oh, my secret ally mailed that to us!" smiled Ness, looking coy.

"I'd like to meet this guy..." said Pikachu, sniffing.

Again, the shadowy figure sprinted away, trying not to be seen by the camera.

"We're here," said Ness. "Now to take the clue and-"

_Ness and Pikachu  
1:29 AM_

"We're here! The Sport Resort at last!" said Ness. "Now to take the clue, and..."

"Wait! What about the time machine?" asked Pikachu.

"Hold on... okay, we need to just..." said Ness, ripping the clue. "Got it! It says we need to go to the batting cage and successfully-"

_"Teams must now head to the Sport Resort baseball cage, and successfully bat 10 baseballs for their next clue!" explained Koopa._

"Now, the secret plan!" said Ness, revealing the box. He and Pikachu jumped inside and Ness drew (In crayon) their intended location.

"Up, up, and awaaaay!" said Ness.

They took off, camera man in the box with them, and they flew through some strange vortex.

_Roadside  
1:25 AM_

"Almost... there..." panted Ness.

A giant vortex hole appeared, and out flew Ness, Pikachu, and another camera man Larry.

"What the- oh, it's you," said Ness of the past.

"You know it! Here's your bike! You forgot it!" said Ness future, handing the bike to Pikachu and Ness of the past.

"Oh thanks! Surely we will get to the Sport Resort faster!" said Ness of the Past, "My thanks to you!"

The two Nesses saluted each other, and Ness Future darted away.

"There it is!" said Ness, pedalling with Pikachu on their trademark tandem bike.

"How long have we been on our tandem bike?" asked Pikachu.

"Oh, my secret ally mailed that to us!" smiled Ness, looking coy.

"I'd like to meet this guy..." said Pikachu, sniffing.

_Sport Resort  
1:30 AM_

The vortex hole appeared, and Ness, Pikachu and Larry flew out with the time machine.

"Now to land, and... let's go!" said Ness. "Any second now, we should automatically disappear, and our different timeline-selves will be taking over!"

"Wait, what?" asked Larry, confused.

"Don't ask," replied Pikachu, "It's confusing-"

_Sport Resort  
1:27 AM_

"We're here! The Sport Resort at last!" said Ness. "Now to take the clue, and..."

"Wait! What about the time machine?" asked Pikachu.

"Hold on... okay, we need to just..." said Ness, ripping the clue. "Got it! It says we need to go to the batting cage and then we just keep batting, getting one, then using the time machine, back to the time we arrived there, until we get 10 baseballs at the same time!"

"This is so easy," said Pikachu, laughing manically.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're almost there...?" said Toon Link, unsure.

Their car was barely away from the airport due to the thick traffic.

"Let's just walk," mused Jigglypuff.

They walked out the taxi, and began trudging past all the cars.

"We should have thought of this minutes ago," grumbled Toon Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Baseballs hit: 0/10_

"We're warming up," explained Pikachu.

"Wow Pikachu," laughed Ness, "You're really gonna pull something if you stretch like that!"

People who were onlooking saw Ness laughing and pointing at a stationary stuffed animal.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"God, where is Ness? I don't see him anywhere..." complained Toon Link.

"What time is it?" asked Jigglypuff.

Toon Link checked his watch.

"Apparently it is... 1:30 AM..." answered Toon Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Baseballs hit: 1/10_

"Okay, we hit one!" said Ness.

"Away we goooo!" said Pikachu.

They transported five minutes back.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"God, where is Ness? I don't see him anywhere..." complained Toon Link.

"What time is it?" asked Jigglypuff.

Toon Link checked his watch.

"Apparently it is... 1:30 AM..." answered Toon Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Baseballs hit: 1/10_

"We're back!" said Ness, the machine's engine cooling down.

Ness and Pikachu jumped out the box and began batting again.

"Will the madness ever end?" asked Larry the cameraman.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Sheesh, this is quite a long walk..." mused Toon Link.

"You can say that again!" panted Jigglypuff.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Baseballs hit: 2/10_

"Back in we go!" said Ness.

"Yipeeee!" said Pikachu, waving his arms excitedly.

Ness slipped on a banana.

"Where did this come from?" asked Pikachu.

"Oh, I put that there for comedic effect," explained Ness.

"Alrighty then!" said Pikachu.

Pikachu noticed they were surrounded by hundreds of bananas.

"We reeeeally need the humor," said Ness, giving a nervous smile.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"I just hope Ness isn't too far ahead," mused Jigglypuff.

_Ness and Pikachu_

Ness pressed the dial again, and... Nothing happened.

"WHAT?" said Pikachu, "Broken already?"

"No, we seem to have run out of fuel," noticed Ness, looking at the drawn-in Fuel gauge, which happened to be pointing at the 'E'.

"What does 'E' even mean? 'Extemporaneous'?" asked Pikachu angrily.

"It means Empty," said Ness, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Besides, what would something like this even run on?" asked Pikachu.

"... Bananas... " said Ness, looking heartbroken.

"Are you kidding me?" asked Pikachu.

"No." said Ness, depressed.

...

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" laughed Pikachu, holding his sides, "Ahahahahaa! A Time machine runs on what? Bananas! HAHAAHHAAHAHHA!"

"So now we have to choose between the ability to go back in time, or our comedic running gag..." said Ness, looking desperate.

Pikachu looked shocked.

"Are you saying..."

Ness nodded.

"Oh we are _**so**_ screwed..." muttered Pikachu, looking at the bananas.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Hey, I see the building!" said Toon Link, jumping up and down excitedly.

Jigglypuff was too busy stealing money from a blind man's coffee mug.

"We're almost there, almost there!" chanted Toon Link, grabbing Jigglypuff's arm and running towards the Sport Resort building.

"Thanks old guy for fixing our money problem!" said Jigglypuff, smiling.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Baseballs hit: 2/10_

"We need to think of another way," said Ness. "No way I'm giving up either!"

"Well, either we use the time machine and win this leg, and lose our running gag idea, or keep the running gag idea, and just bust the time machine!" said Pikachu.

"I say... we... WAIT! I thought of something!" said Ness.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Run, Jiggly, run!" said Toon Link.

"I'm trying!" said Jigglypuff, hands loaded with cash.

"Where are you getting all this money?" asked Toon Link.

"I robbed a bank!" said Jigglypuff, smiling stupidly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Baseballs hit: 2/10_

"This is soooo stupid," grumbled Pikachu, in a giant banana suit.

"Oh, be quiet, it could be worse!" said Ness.

"Oh yeah? How so?" asked Pikachu angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"Come on Jigglypuff," said Toon Link, starting to get annoyed.

"I got more money!" said Jigglypuff, overflowing with so much cash it was starting to fly left and right out of her hands, and Jigglypuff, being greedy, was trying to stop and pick up every single one she dropped, was holding her team back.

"Can you stop with the money-stealing gimmick?" asked Toon Link, looking desperate.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Almost...done!" said Ness, shoving the bananas in the slot of the cardboard box time machine.

Ness typed several things into the keyboard, looking professional.

"...seriously though, bananas? Of all things?" asked Pikachu, still stung by the irony.

Ness ignored, and typed several things into the keyboard, looking professional.

"Are you starting to ignore me again?" asked Pikachu, looking angry.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff walked through the door and saw Ness, and Pikachu the stuffed animal, sitting in a cardboard box.

"What in the... Ness?" said Jigglypuff, looking confused. "What are you doing?"

"Wait... they caught up?" said Pikachu, to only Ness who could hear him, "How much time had we wasted?"

"Too much," said Ness. "So much that the second flight has arrived..."

"Ness, seriously man, what are you-"

Ness, desperate to go back in time, pressed the button, and the box jetted up and through the newly created vortex.

"It was the only way," explained Ness. "See ya, Toon Link!"

Pikachu, the more observant out of his team, noticed they had an extra passenger.

"JIGGLYPUFF!" said Ness.

"JIGGLYPUFF!" said Pikachu.

"JIIIGLYPUFFF!" said Jigglypuff, singing.

Ness and Pikachu fell asleep.

...

Ness and Pikachu woke up.

"What are you doing here?" asked Ness, horrified. "Well, no matter- we'll just exterminate you..."

Ness cackled manically, lifting up Pikachu.

"PIKACHU! EXTERMINATE HER!" screamed Ness, throwing Pikachu at Jigglypuff.

Pikachu (the stuffed animal) merely bounced off Jigglypuff.

...

Ness cried.

"Take this!" yelled Jigglypuff, slapping Ness.

Ness gripped onto the side of the box, desperate not to fall.

"NESS! If you fall, you'll be placed in who knows what time era!" warned Pikachu.

"Oh, really?" said Jigglypuff, stepping on Ness' hands.

"AAAAAAHHHH!1 HELP ME, PIKACHU!" screamed Ness, barely holding on.

"Looks like I foiled your evil plans, Nessie!" cackled Jigglypuff evilly.

Ness and Pikachu looked confused.

"_**Nessie**_?" said Ness, looking distraught.

"That's the best I could think up with, gimme a break!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Ness punched her, and got back inside the box.

Their box landed, and Ness knocked her a good distance away.

"Pikachu, you distract her, and I'll hide the box!" said Ness.

"Gotcha!" said Pikachu, and in Ness' POV, Pikachu attacked Jigglypuff and started viciously shocking her.

Ness pushed the box behind some bushes, and started trying to hit some baseballs.

Jigglypuff tore Pikachu in half, then walked towards the clue and read it.

"**PIKACHUUUUUU!1**" screamed Ness in horror.

"Oh god... there's bits of me everywhere..." coughed up Pikachu, his entrails spread everywhere.

"I'm calling 9-1-1!" said Ness, looking shocked.

Ness, dialing up 911, heard the phone start ringing.

"Hellooo?" said some random police man... eating a donut or something.

"My Pikachu's been torn in half, you guys hafta help him!" said Ness, yelling into the phone.

"Oh god! That sounds tough! We'll be right there!" said the policeman, hanging up.

"I told on yoooou," said Ness, wagging his finger at Jigglypuff, who had already hit five baseballs.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"God, where is Ness? I don't see him anywhere..." complained Toon Link.

"What time is it?" asked Jigglypuff.

Toon Link checked his watch.

"Apparently it is... 1:30 AM..." answered Toon Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Baseballs hit: 3/10_

"I'll keep hitting baseballs until they get here!" said Ness.

"O...okay..." mumbled Pikachu, barely conscious.

_Jigglypuff  
Baseballs hit: 5/10_

"I hafta beat these cheaters!" said Jigglypuff. "They've cheated their way to the lead, I got to get ahead!"

She missed an oncoming baseball.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Sheesh, this is quite a long walk..." mused Toon Link.

"You can say that again!" panted Jigglypuff.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Baseballs hit: 4/10_

"Okay, listen carefully, Pikachu..." said Ness. "We have gone back in time about five or six times now so we need to be absolutely careful NOT to run into our future selves for too long... otherwise a time paradox of mass proportions will occur, destroying the very fabric of your soul, destroying your body and spirit!"

"Sounds confusing," said Pikachu.

"I know, right?" said Ness. "Came up with all that just now. Pretty good, don't you think?"

_Jigglypuff  
Baseballs hit: 6/10_

"Just need four more!" explained Jigglypuff to the camera.

She hit an oncoming one.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"I'm going to meet the policemen now," explained Ness, leaving Pikachu in the bushes.

Ness started running off in one direction, and suddenly heard voices.

"...What does 'E' even mean? 'Extemporaneous'?" asked Pikachu angrily.

"It means Empty," said Ness, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Besides, what would something like this even run on?" asked Pikachu.

"Oh no," muttered Ness. "My time traveling past! What should I do? If I run into him, I might disappear, because I've already run into myself once before!"

"... Bananas... " said Ness, looking heartbroken.

"Are you kidding me?" asked Pikachu.

"No." said Ness, depressed.

"Excuse me, young gentleman," said the policeman.

"Oh, crud! That's not good!" said Ness. "My past is meeting with someone that I, from the future, have summoned to here! That might consequently change my destiny, and could result in something terrible!"

"Like what?" asked Larry.

"... Plot holes..." said Ness, looking scared.

"Oh, no!" said Larry.

"...No, we haven't seen a dying Pikachu. In fact, the only one you'll find is right here, and he's healthy," explained the Ness of the past.

"Uh, he's (cough), over here!" said Ness in a deeper voice.

"Alright, I'm on my way!" said the policeman, walking towards the sound of Ness' voice.

"It worked, Ness of the past is confused!" said Ness.

"Alright," said the policeman, finally over to where Ness was, behind the bushes. "What is it?"

"My Pikachu, he needs to be fixed," explained Ness, walking the policeman over to Pikachu.

"Are you serious?" said the policeman angrily. "Because your stuffed animal broke, you call us?"

"Um... he's not a stuffed animal..." said Ness, looking a little offended.

"Fine! I'll humor you!" said Policeman Bob, starting to sew Pikachu back.

"Oh, thank you sir! Bless you!" said Ness, tears falling down his face with relief.

_Jigglypuff  
Baseballs hit: 7/10_

Jigglypuff was hiding in the bushes, having noticed Ness and Pikachu of the past.

"...seriously though, bananas? Of all things?" asked Pikachu, still stung by the irony.

Ness ignored, and typed several things into the keyboard, looking professional.

"I have to wait for Toon Link to appear," muttered Jigglypuff.

"Are you starting to ignore me again?" asked Pikachu, looking angry.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff walked through the door and saw Ness, and Pikachu the stuffed animal, sitting in a cardboard box.

"A-ha!" said Jigglypuff. "We just need to wait for them to take off!"

"It was the only way," explained Ness. "See ya, Toon Link!"

"Perfect," stated Jigglypuff, walking out of the bushes as soon as Ness, Pikachu and Jigglypuff of the past disappeared.

Toon Link, who had stayed behind, noticed Jigglypuff.

"Jigglypuff, I thought you just took off with them!" said Toon Link, looking confused.

"That was my past self! Let's hurry up and beat Ness!" said Jigglypuff.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff ran back to the batting cage.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"So all I need to do now, is just beca-" said Ness, suddenly appearing in a hole.

"Aw, really?" said Ness. "What the heck was my past self doing to make me appear in this?"

_11 Minutes Earlier... _

"La la la!" said Ness, randomly walking into a hole.

"AUUUGH NO! WHY ME?" said Ness. "I blame someone else for my consequences, being a democrat!*

(*Please keep in mind that the one who wrote this may be right-winged...(Sorry))

_Ness_

"Well, I might be able to jump out or something... I just hope Pikachu is okay." said Ness.

_2:01 AM  
2nd Flight Landed_

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We've finally landed!" said Yoshi.

"Wow that flight was delayed by a minute! We are never going to recover from this!" screamed Link, gazing at his watch.

Yoshi rolled his eyes.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"We need to go to the Sport Resort!" explained Falcon. "FALCON...NAVIGATE!"

Falcon pulled out a map, and turned to the Mushroom City section.

"WARLOCK NAVIG-"

"Copycat!" screamed Falcon. "We all know you steal all my moves!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Our bags, where's our bags?" said Snake, frantically looking for their bags.

"Maybe if you actually looked in the BAGGAGE COMPARTMENT YOU'D FIND IT" yelled Roy.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"You think the other two teams are not that far ahead?" asked Yoshi.

"Eh, they can't be too far ahead..." mumbled Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"If there's one thing you'd want, what would it be?" asked Ganondorf, looking whimsical.

"...The power to understand women," said Falcon clearly.

"You're stupid! That was stupid!" yelled Ganondorf, snapping out of his dream world, and punching Falcon. "...Besides, I would want the power to understand Shakespeare!"

Some stupid laugh track played.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 5th Place_

"There's the bags," explained Roy.

"You get them, I'll get a taxi!" said Snake.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"" yelled Jigglypuff.

"Do you mind?" asked Toon Link, eyes bloodred.

He ripped open the next clue, and read, "Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!"

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_  
"They're ahead!" cried out Ness, "Blast! We're no longer in the lead!"

"Curse them! Curse them, so much!" spat Pikachu, with pure hate.

"The time machine is fried, for another hour or so..." muttered Ness.

"We have to make do without time travel now!" said Pikachu. "This is our closest ever to winning a leg! Let's not screw up!"

"Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!" read Ness.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Lucky us, a cab driver was willing to take us to the next clue!" said Falcon, smiling.

He and Ganondorf were tied up, and were in the process of being kidnapped.

"How nice of them!" beamed Falcon.

Ganondorf tried to say something, but his muffler saw to it that nobody understood him.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 4th Place_

"I think we lost the Frats," muttered Yoshi.

"It's alright, the two of us can catch up." explained Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 5th Place_

"There's those rotten Lawyers, follow them!" ordered Roy to the cab driver.

"I think us, the kids and the Twins are the toughest teams," explained Snake. "The three of us have always been in the front... well... now just us and the kids have always been in the front nowadays..."

"Let's keep moving, I don't want to screw up our good run now." lamented Roy.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"Being in Middle school, people think we aren't very smart..." muttered Toon Link to the camera. "But that's all about to change."

"Yeah, we don't get in cars with strangers!" smiled Jigglypuff.

"Hey, kid. Wanna come with me and my friend to the...store?" asked a stranger.

"STRANGER DANGER!1" screamed Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

"Wanna go with us to the...uh... candy... store?"

"Okay!" said Toon Link and Jigglypuff, hopping in the van.

It drove off, and the cameraman merely zoomed in on the van as it departed.

...

Then the car backed up and ran the camera man over.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Me and Pikachu, having been friends for quite some time, we know what to expect from one another." said Pikachu.

...

"Are you going to even commentate?" asked the cameraman.

"Are you going to film, or do I have to do that, too?" asked Ness angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"A good beer or two, sure keeps you feelin' dandy..." explained Falcon.

"Yes, quite!" agreed Ganondorf, wearing a mustache and stroking it in an evil fashion.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We have OVER NINE THOOOUSSSAAAND Pesos." said Link, noticing he was drowning in Mexican currency.

"...Which is completely worthless here in a land that goes by coin currency," sighed Yoshi.

"Remind me again why you entered into that Lottery competition back in Tazmily Village?" asked Link.

"Actually, you tried to make me enter the contest, but I refused, knowing you'd somehow make it backfire on me in an attempt to get me killed," explained Yoshi in a monotonous drone.

"What kind of a friend do you think I am?" cried Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Who do we think will go out next?" said Roy, repeating the question given. "I personally say the Twins. They've been lagging behind the last couple legs, since leg six..."

_"I hate you! And I hate this race!" screamed Mewtwo, in tears._

_"We are soooo in last," said Lucario with hate._

"I say that stupid brat Ness," laughed Snake hatefully, "There's no need for wimps in this race!"

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Open... the door..." choked out Yoshi, drowning in quarters.

Link reached for the door in an epic fashion.

He managed to grab the handle and turn it, just enough to have all the money spill out of the car.

"Ah, fresh air!" beamed Link, breathing in and out joyously.

He noticed Yoshi was lying on the floor of the taxi, unmoving.

"Yoshi! Breathe!" said a horrified Link, performing CPR.

Yoshi coughed up several coins.

"Yoshi! Are you alright?" asked Link, looking anxious.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Roadblock! Who likes tea?" read Toon Link, grinning stupidly.

_"Roadblock! A roadblock is a task only one person may perform!" chattered Koopa like a parrot. "In this roadblock, one person for each team must find the tea containing traces of heroin. Once they have found the correct cup, they will receive their next clue!"_

_"This task may seem strange and slightly frowned upon, but how else would someone find a way to get rid of twenty pounds of heroin?" asked Koopa._

"Wait... there's something else in here... is this... a Fast Forward?" asked Jigglypuff confusedly.

_"__Fast Forward! This is only one of four fast forwards in the entire race! In a Fast Forward, teams may skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop!" said Koopa Troopa. "In this fourth and __**final**__ Fast Forward, teams must go through a target practice course and make it through in under 35 seconds! You must shoot all the targets seen, with the exception of the civilian targets! This sounds relatively straightforward, but targets will pop out from everywhere, and one mistake may hold your team back!" _

"Should we do the roadblock, or the Fast Forward?" asked Toon Link confusedly.

"Well... we _**still**_ haven't used our U-Turn abilities, or our Fast Forward abilities," pointed out Jigglypuff.

"Yeah," agreed Toon Link, nodding knowingly.

"And not only that, but this is the _last_ Fast Forward..." pointed out Jigglypuff.

"Yeah..." mused Toon Link.

"So we shoul-"

"YEAH?" asked Toon Link.

"Too late, my genius moment ran out on us!" beamed Jigglypuff.

"NUUUUUEEEZZZ!1" screamed Toon Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We aren't very far behind them after all!" lamented Pikachu.

"Phew, what a relief!" said Ness, smiling weakly.

"It's... a Roadblock, and... a Fast Forward!" stated Pikachu with excitement in his tone.

"Should we take it?" asked Ness. "This should be the last Fast Forward!"

"But we have the time machine to use! Not only that, but we're not allowed to use guns, anyways!" said Pikachu.

"Curse the stupid 'No cars, guns or puns' rule..." mumbled Ness, looking disappointed.

"Let's do the Roadblock..." nodded Pikachu.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Do you see a sport resort building yet?" asked Link.

"No, not quite..." replied Yoshi. "I do, however, see Roy and Snake..."

"That's not good," mused Link._  
_  
_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We're so lucky these nice people are giving us a ride to the clue!" smiled Falcon nicely.

"Shut up! We'll kill you if you speak again!" said one of the robbers, slapping Falcon.

"You'll let us even take us to the beach later? How cool!" added Falcon joyously.

"What did I say! You better watch yourself pal!" growled the same robber, punching the back of Falcon's head.

"And you're giving away your scotch too? Awesome!" grinned Falcon, "Wanna be friends on Facebook?"

"I'll kill your friend if you say another word!" threatened the robber, holding a gun to Ganondorf's head.

"You'll make us first place? That's so swee-"

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"I can't seem to spot anybody," sighed Snake.

"Do you think we're in last?" asked Roy, looking worried.

"Naw, I didn't see Mewtwo and Lucario on the plane, so either they're with the three brats, or they were on an even later flight..."

"Hopefully the latter," lamented Roy.

"Hopefully..." said Snake.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Looking for the Sport Resort!" reminded Link.

"Gotcha." said Yoshi.

"I'm not exactly worried, seeing as we're obviously not in last!" said Link.

"Yeah, those twins are really far behind..."

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son  
_  
"We're stuck in major traffic," cursed Snake. "Damn! And right when we spotted those frats!"

"Their taxi made an exit off the freeway, at a ridiculous speed!" noticed Roy.

"I just hope those Lawyers weren't able to avoid it..." muttered Snake to nobody in particular.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"We seem to have hit a complication." explained Yoshi. "Traffic's really, really backed up..."

"As if we aren't far behind enough," said Link observationally.

"Wait... are those the annoying death people? Snake and whatshisname?" asked Yoshi, pointing to a taxi a couple cars back and to the right.

"Looks like we lucked out! Woo-hoo!" cheered Link, at the other teams' misfortune.

"Yeah... yeah, it is man," said Yoshi, breathing a sigh of relief.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Looks like we're here!" said Ganondorf excitedly. "Will you let us go now?"

"Fine, because you guys are a real pain," groaned one robber, clutching his head, "I actually have a headache from that guys' droning!"

"HYESZ" cheered Falcon.

They were unceremoniously dumped out in front of the Sport Resort, apparently willing.

"Make your way to... blah blah blah... we need to hit five baseballs!" replied Ganondorf happily.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Traffic is getting heavier," stated Roy unwillingly.

"As if things weren't getting any worse." said Snake.

"I know, right?" said Roy.

...

"Did we just agree on something?" asked Snake.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!1" screamed Snake and Roy, crashing into several cars, their own car exploding.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"You know, we're actually doing really, really decent this leg..." mused Ness happily.

"I know, right? We'll finally be in the top three!" smiled Pikachu.

Both sighed very dreamily, looking off into the distance.

_Toon Link  
On Roadblock_

"Need to win this... need to win this..." repeated Toon Link.

A cat randomly jumped out of nowhere and clawed Toon Link's face in.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"Dee doo dee..." hummed Ness, searching for the correct cup, drinking random ones and showing them to the drink-checker-person.

"Five down, four hundred to go!" said Ness relaxedly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We're apparently third, with the kids far ahead and everyone else far behind!" explained Falcon to the camera in an annoying monotonous voice.

"We have hit four... how many do we need?" asked Ganondorf.

"Ten! So that means we need to hit how many more?" asked Falcon, smiling to the camera.

Silence followed.

"...Uh, what exactly are you fellas doing?" questioned the camera man.

"We're trying to apply for the Dora the Explorer show," explained Falcon to the camera.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"There is little time left, the two of us are rapidly being further and further left behind..." explained Yoshi.

They were stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

"...Wanna play Uno?" asked Yoshi, raising an eyebrow.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Our side is clearing up! Yes!" cheered Roy.

"Those Lawyers look like they're pretty much screwed!" chuckled Snake evilly.

Traffic on their side was moving a half-inch per second.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

Yoshi placed down a wild card.

"Green! Now I get to put down one green card I have also!" explained Yoshi.

"Curses!" cursed Link. "Looks like I have to draw from the deck!"

He drew a card, and examined it.

"Curses!" swore Link, "Wrong color! Now for another card from the deck..."

He drew another card and examined it.

"Curses!" ranted Link, "Wrong color! I need another card from the deck..."

He drew a third card and examined it.

"Are you kidding me?" asked Link angrily.

Yoshi grinned at the camera.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"An 'A', I found an 'A'!" said Snake excitedly.

"Now you need to find a 'B', you see? The game is really quite simple.

"Dad, dad, I found a 'B'!" said Snake with zeal, pointing to a girl. "It's 'B' for-"

"I get what you're getting at," cut in Roy.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Curses..." droned Link, taking his 23rd card from the deck, "Wrong color..."

_2:37 AM  
Last Flight Landed_

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Finally out from the gate!" euphorized Mewtwo.

"Gate? What gate?" asked Lucario.

"The horse stall gate, like the horse racing," explained Mewtwo in a smart manner.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," said Lucario.

"Oh? Well uh... um... Oh yeah?" asked Mewtwo threateningly.

"Yeah," replied Lucario staring down Mewtwo.

They had a staredown.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"We've just about been head-to-head throughout this leg," noticed Ness. "It's like... a face-off!"

"Focus on drinking random drinks!" cheered Pikachu.

_Toon Link  
On Roadblock_

"Ness is a nice guy, but I can't let myself be beaten by the likes of him!" explained Toon Link, looking saddened.

"Go Toon Link!" cheered Jigglypuff.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"Toon Link is cool and all, but a race is a race!" explained Ness morbidly.

"You can do it, Ness!" yelled Pikachu from afar.

_Toon Link  
On Roadblock_

"I wonder what our team would win?" questioned Toon Link.

"Probably some stupid vacation thingy," explained Jigglypuff.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"This is my 29th cup, maybe this one's the one!" said Ness with excitement.

He walked up to the guy and showed him the cup he had just drank the tea from.

The man inspected it, then nodded.

"YES!" cheered Ness, "YES, YES, YES!"

He ripped open the clue and read aloud: "Make your way over to the Pancake restaurant further down town!"

_"Teams now have to journey over to the local pancake diner, where the teams shall find their next clue!" explained Koopa._

"Sorry Toon Link, but looks like this leg is mine!" cackled Ness, running out the room.

_Toon Link  
On Roadblock_

"Not for long..." grumbled Toon Link, rummaging through cups and showing multiple ones to the man.

The man nodded.

"You pass," he explained.

"Are you serious?" asked Toon Link, shocked.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Taking the lead, feeling good!" smiled Ness.

"We'll finally win, man, finally!" chattered Pikachu.

"Taxi!" hailed Ness, waving to a taxi.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Make your way over to the Pancake restaurant further down town!" read Toon Link.

"We're only a couple minutes behind, if we double-time it, we'll catch up!" said Jigglypuff hopefully.

The two of them tried to flag down a taxi.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!" read Ganondorf.

"Duuuude, we're totally rockin' this leg man," said Falcon, clearly stone drunk.

"I know, right?" smiled Ganondorf, not realizing.

"We're like, totally like, gonna beat the otherrrs," said Falcon, clearly stone drunk.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4th Place_

"You now need to go to the batting cage and successfully hit 10 baseballs. You will afterwards receive your next clue." read Snake.

He turned to his dad and asked: "Dad, what's baseball?"

"Oh, it's real simple, something that your old man used to be good at," said Roy, grinning.

"Is it fun?" asked Snake, looking sheepish.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Ha! Now you have to draw four cards!" taunted Yoshi, "And the new color is yellow!"

"What?" said Link angrily. "This is stupid! How many wild cards are you gonna get?" as he spoke he was drawing four cards.

Yoshi put down a yellow skip card, then a yellow reverse card, then put down a seven yellow card.

"Dude, this game is freaking annoying," said Link with anger.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Last, and no hope in sight." said Lucario, with an evil frown on his face.

"Last, and hope fully in sight!" smiled Mewtwo, with a good-natured smile upon his face.

"You two are like fire and water," analogized the camera man.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Alright, take us to this pancake restaurant!" ordered Ness to the cab driver.

"We're in a race!" beamed Ness and Pikachu, smiling brightly.

Their car sped off, leaving the incoming team Toon Link and Jigglypuff in the dust.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We...are...SO GOING TO KICK THEIR ASSES!" roared Jigglypuff, as she jumped back up.

Toon Link merely coughed up some dust.

"They have been really pissing me off! No more!" screeched Jigglypuff, obviously infuriated.

Toon Link was apparently choking on some excess grease from the car.

"PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER, NESS!" screamed Jigglypuff, forcing her and Toon Link in the closest taxi and pointed a gun to the taxi drivers' head.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Roadblock! Who on your team likes tea?" read Ganondorf.

"Hey, look man, the last fast forward!" pointed Falcon, as it fell out.

"We already used up our Fast Forward, so... Hey, I'll do the task!" said Ganondorf.

"Good luck, duuude!" said Falcon, waving to Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Baseballs hit: 4/10_

"We've only hit half of what we just about need!" said an agitated Snake.

"I feel like we're starting to actually have to try really hard to stay in the race, compared to the early legs when there was lots of cannon fodder..." reminisced Roy.

"Dude, we've been feeling worse and worse for wear every leg..." explained a tired Snake.

Roy hit a baseball.

"Whoa son, lookit that, I actually hit one!" said Roy excitedly.

Snake hit three in **one swing**.

"How it must suck to be old," mused Snake, flexing his muscle as girls tried to hold his arm and feel them.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Oh! Oh, Uno!" said Yoshi excitedly.

Link muttered something that was inaudible.

"Man, this was fun," chuckled Yoshi. "Well, we're here!"

"What?" asked Link, looking a little confused.

"We're here at the Sport Resort!" said Yoshi. "Remember? The race? We played Uno in the traffic to relax ourselves?"

"Oh yeah... OH YEAH!" said Link, panicking again.

"On second thought... Hey, let's play Uno inside..." said Yoshi.

"Okay!" said Link, forgetting their troubling situation.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Great! As if our problems weren't bad enough!" cursed Mewtwo. "We _would_ hit bumper-to-bumper traffic, when we already have a thirty-minute time space, and not only that, but we have a Speed Bump! BUT NOW WE'RE IN BUMPER-TO-BUMPER traffic!1"

...

"I like you when you're angry," smiled Lucario.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"We are living large, Pika!" cackled Ness, drinking random champagne.

"But... shouldn't we celebrate at the mat? We still have a Detour to do!" reminded Pikachu.

"No! That's stupid! You're stupid! Frick you! Frick you, frick your mom, frick your dad, frick your brothers and sisters, and frick your dog!" screamed Ness.

Both the Pikachu stuffed animal and the taxi cab driver were staring at Ness.

Because the latter was staring at Ness, the cab they were driving in crashed head on into a truck.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff drove by.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"We're not out of this yet!" said Jigglypuff, grinning maliciously.

"Sorry Nessy, but we've got a vacation to catch! ...And attend to." said Toon Link.

"Not that far ahead till we're there!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

Ness and Pikachu climbed out of the burning wreckage, looking _**very**_ pissed.

"If only there was some way to get back at them... we have to beat them, we HAVE to beat them and get first!" screamed Ness.

"Keep your wits about you, Ness, we have some ways to go," said a calm-headed Pikachu.

"We could win, Pikachu! Win! We're the only team who hasn't won yet! Let's hurry up and win this leg, man!" said Ness, now looking very depressed.

Pikachu patted him on the back.

Ness started to cry and hugged Pikachu.

"Aw, Pikie, you're always there for me! What would I do without you!"

"If we work together, we'll be unstoppable!" said Pikachu, inspirationally.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"We're taking the lead that Ness so desperately wants!" explained Toon Link.

"Hey, we need this win! We need bragging rights to be the first team to win a second leg!" chimed in Jigglypuff.

Toon Link pointed to a picture of Mewtwo and Lucario.

"...What about them? Mewtwo and Lucario?" asked Toon Link.

"Who's Mewtwo and Lucario?" asked Jigglypuff, genuinely confused.

_Advertisement_

"Ever had Amnesia? Ever had the need to cure it?" asked Quinn, grinning hugely. "Well now you can, with our latest product, Amnesia-away!"

"Remember things you've completely forgotten!" said Kirby, as if from nowhere. "Remember things that didn't even exist in the first place!"

A picture of a unicorn appeared on screen.

"Wow, a Unicorn!" said Kirby excitedly.

Kirby took a sip of the medical drug.

"I remember being a kid again!" said Kirby, smiling and waving to the camera.

Quinn took a sip of the medicine.

"Gosh, Kirby, that reminds me of the time we went on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race!" said Quinn, having an epiphany.

A huge SWAT team broke into the room, and promptly dragged Quinn away.

Kirby merely watched.

_Production Room_

"You were told to never _ever_ mention the first season in your commercials," explained a Shy Guy. "It was a disgrace, you and your alligator friend breaking into the set, stealing the casting call script and forcing your names on there."

"Actually, it _was_ Victor's idea-"

"SILENCE! DO NOT MENTION HIS NAME!" roared the director Shy Guy.

"Uh, so what should I do now?" asked Quinn, "Because, you do realize you guys barged in on a live commercial, right?"

"We did not intend on doing so, yet you had to mention something you promised to forget..."

"Actually, since my memory has been coming back, I now realize you guys actually drugged me with a forgetting serum, and because of mine and Kirby's product, 'Amnesia-away', I have successfully regained my memories back!" said Quinn, looking happy.

"You guys do realize that you two are still on the live commercial, right?" said the Koopa Paratroopa camera man.

...

"Is... that a bad thing?" asked the innocuous Quinn.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Somebody's definitely been here," said Ganondorf, inspecting the empty tea cups.

"Go Ganondorf!" cheered Falcon.

"I need to systematically eliminate the drinks one by one," Ganondorf told himself.

_Roy and Snake  
Completed Task_

"Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!" read Snake.

"Let's go, son!" said Roy, beckoning his son.

They hurried back to their taxi and closed the door. On Snake's hand.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Uno! Uno!" said Yoshi, excitedly.

"Should we do the task now?" asked a somewhat amused Link.

"Yeah, probably," said Yoshi, shaking hands with his partner.

They went to go do the task.

"Oh! I hit one!" said Link with joy in his voice.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We're still in traffic," explained Mewtwo to the camera man in the car with him.

"I thought of something!" said Lucario, a giant lightbulb appearing over his head.

He punched Mewtwo so hard, he was knocked out. He then broke the side window and impaled some glass in Mewtwo.

He dialed 911 then screamed in the phone: "HELP! MY BROTHER! He's been in a car wreck!"

Lucario added some finishing touches to Mewtwo's unconscious body, and the supposedly 'wrecked' car.

The ambulance arrived shortly, and Lucario, Mewtwo's body and the camera man got inside.

"How long has it been since the car wreck?" asked one associate.

"Five minutes," said a teary-eyed Lucario.

Lucario winked at the camera when the worker turned around.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"There's a taxi company! Let's steal one!" said Ness.

The two ran inside.

Five minutes later, bursting through a brick wall, Ness and Pikachu at the wheel, the two laughed triumphantly.

"After those boy scout losers!" said Pikachu.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"We're here!" said Jigglypuff with a tone of urgency in her high-pitched voice.

Toon Link merely ignored her and jumped out the car.

Jigglypuff ripped open the next clue.

"Eat ten pancakes per person on your team for your next clue!" said Jigglypuff. "Apparently this leg has a lot of navigating..."

Toon Link was already inside and eating a pancake.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Eat ten pancakes per person on your team for your next clue!" read Pikachu (Ness).

"Let's do this!" said Ness encouragingly.

"Right behind ya' Nessie!" said Pikachu (Ness).

"Maybe we'll get lucky and ace this task!" said Ness optimistically.

Ness noticed a few feet away was a speed bump, with Mewtwo and Lucario's faces.

"Looks like someone's gonna be busy!" laughed Ness.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Being in the middle for so long actually has been advantageous," explained Ganondorf, still searching for the correct cup, "We're not in danger of being eliminated, but also we're not always first so no-one hates us..."

"But we hate Roy and Snake!" said Falcon annoyingly.

"Why do we hate them again?" asked Ganondorf.

"I'll tell you at the end of the leg," explained Falcon. "Builds up confusion, and keeps the reader hooked."

"Reader? What reader?" asked Ganondorf, looking confused.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 4th Place_

"God, I hope we've been ahead of Falcon and Ganondorf, at least, this whole time..." muttered Snake.

"Holding grudges," reprimanded Roy, "That's what makes them hate us. This is what we were talking about back in January 2010..."

"2010?" said Snake, confused. "Has the race really taken that long?"

"Yeah! Today is April fourth, 2011! The race started April fourth, 2009..." explained Roy.

"Then... then what have we been doing between legs at the pit stops for so long?" asked Snake, confused.

"You know, I actually don't reme-"

The camera quickly shut off mysteriously and suddenly.

_Link and Yoshi  
Baseballs hit: 3/10_

"Dude, if we don't hurry, Mewtwo and Lucario are gonna put us down for good!" said Link.

"Alright, but let's play Uno in the car on the way to the next clue!" said Yoshi.

Link grinned hugely at the comment.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We have to take him to the hospital, sir!" explained a nurse.

"No! He's fine! We need to get out!" snapped Lucario, trying to take Mewtwo's unconscious body with him.

"Sir! No, sir! You have to keep him strapped in, or he'll go into cardiac arrest!" screamed another nurse.

Lucario literally jumped out the moving ambulance, with Mewtwo's body, and the two hit the ground and rolled for a bit, along with the camera man.

Mewtwo finally awoke again, very disoriented.

"What... what happened...?" asked Mewtwo.

"Well, let's see, I knocked you unconscious, stuck huge shards of glass in you, called the ambulance, lied to them and said you were in a car wreck, punched you back to unconsciousness when you were starting to stir, noticed our destination was next to our ambulance, argued with two nurses over your body, and finally we jumped out a moving ambulance, and now you're internally bleeding from the shard wounds that are now impaled in you," said Lucario.

"..." said Mewtwo.

"Oh, and it turns out that we never needed to do any of that, we were less than a mile from the Sport Resort anyways," added Lucario.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Dude, how far away do you think the other teams are?" asked Falcon.

"Not that far I'm assuming," sighed Ganondorf, "We need to keep racing and hope we're ahead of the pack."

"If I had to guess, I'd say we're either third or fourth... Because we know for a fact the Students and Ness is ahead of us... and we also are positive that the Twins are reeeally far behind." explained Falcon.

"That leaves the Lawyers and the Father/Son combo. We need to watch out for them." finished Ganondorf.

He showed his thirty-first cup to the cup-person.

"No, sorry," said the Boo.

"Dang," said Ganondorf, disappointed.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"The next clue!" said Roy with some form of optimism in his tone.

"Roadblock! Who on your team likes tea?" read Snake.

"Wait! What's this?" asked Roy, showing a Fast forward clue.

"Yes! A fast forward!" said Snake with wide eyes.

"What do we have to do?" asked Roy.

"Let's see...we have to go through a military training program! Perfect!" said Snake. "This is _**exactly**_ my kind of task! Let's do the fast forward!"

"Alright, son! Finally a task where you can vent all your anger, and we'll go straight to first place!" said Roy, looking excited.

The two left the building, not noticing Falcon and Ganondorf walking out literally a few seconds later.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Make your way over to the Pancake restaurant further down town!" read Falcon.

"Dude, we're tearing through this leg!" said Ganondorf.

"We need to be careful, remember, this time it's an elimination leg!" said Falcon.

"We've lasted this long, no falling out now." said Ganondorf.

"Taxi!" called Falcon.

_Link and Yoshi  
Baseballs hit: 7/10_

"We're soaring through this, man!" said Link.

"Whoever hits the tenth ball gets to go first in the next Uno game!" exclaimed Yoshi excitedly.

"Dude..." said Link, shocked.

"What is it, Link? What?" said Yoshi.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Baseballs hit: 0/10_

"Hey guys!" said Lucario with some inward joy in his tone.

"How long have you guys been here?" asked Mewtwo.

"A-about fifteen minutes..." said a mortified Yoshi.

"Good, then this shouldn't take long," said a satisfied Lucario.

"Are you guys the only ones still here?" questioned Mewtwo.

"Uh...yeah, we guess, everyone else is apparently ahead," said Link quietly.

"Looks like a face-off," said Mewtwo, as he telekinetically hit the baseball with his baseball bat.

Lucario hit another one.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 5th Place_

"That... was scary!" said Link, out of breath from sprinting out of the Sport Resort.

"Well, we have the clue, at the least," said Yoshi, holding up the clue.

"Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!" read Yoshi.

"Whoa, I see them coming out, run, run!" said Link, horrified.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Hey guys! Wait up!" said Mewtwo, calling after the Lawyers.

"Looks like they didn't want to carpool together," said a snickering Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Dude, do you see the pancake place yet, dude?" asked Falcon.

"Naw man, not yet." said Ganondorf.

"Keep looking!" said Falcon enthusiastically.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"Well, it appears that we're eating pancakes in order to stay in first place." said Toon Link.

"Shut up! Keep eating, or we'll lose!" screamed Jigglypuff, who was talking whilst eating which made her start to choke.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Eat! Eat!" said Ness, on his fifth pancake. "Come on Pikachu, if you don't eat at all, we won't pass!"

"Actually," said a nearby producer, "Because only one of you has a digestive system, only Ness has to perform this task!"

"HOORAY" said Ness and Pikachu.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"I'm finishing... my seventh one..." said Toon Link, eating at a decent pace.

Jigglypuff was not in her seat.

"Jigglypuff? Where'd you go?" said Toon Link, looking around.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"AHAHAHAHAHA" cackled Jigglypuff, eating Pikachu's pancakes.

"What the heck, she's eating my food!" said Pikachu to no-one in particular.

"Jigglypuff, go back to Toon Link!" said Ness angrily.

"Fiiiine," said Jigglypuff unwillingly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"Well? What kept you?" asked Toon Link. "I'm on my eighth pancake..."

"I finished," explained Jigglypuff. "You've been taking forever, so I went to bother Ness and Pikachu..."

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Detour: Cook or Sell?" read Ness.

_"Detour!" Said Koopa, "A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its pros and cons!"_

_"In Cook, teams have to successfully cook three different meals in the pancake restaurant! Once they have done so, they will receive their next clue. This seems particularly easy, but one mistake on one of your meals while cooking means you must start all over on that meal!"_

_"In Sell, teams must take a car and deliver four meals to different people! Yes, this is easier than the other task, but teams have to drive all the way back to the pancake restaurant for their next clue!"_

"Well, what do you think we should do?" asked Ness.

"Probably the first one," decided Pikachu.

"Cooking it is!" said Ness, walking back inside the restaurant.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Detour: Cook or sell?" read Toon Link.

"Oh man, we should totally sell!" said Jigglypuff.

"You think so?" asked Toon Link.

"Yes, yes, totally!" said Jigglypuff.

"Alright then... whatever you say..." said Toon Link.

They walked outside.

"Hey kids, wanna do some dope?" asked a stranger.

"Oh man, we should totally do dope!" said Jigglypuff.

"You think so?" asked Toon Link.

"Yes, yes, totally!" said Jigglypuff.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Eat ten pancakes per person on your team for your next clue!" read Ganondorf.

"Dude, this is like, such an easy-seeming task," laughed Falcon.

"I bet you we're going to throttle this task..." mused Ganondorf.

"FRAAAT POWEEERRR!1" screamed Falcon and Ganondorf, posing.

_Roy and Snake  
Attempting Fast Forward_

"Attempt number one!" said Roy, as he and Snake were suited up (Which Snake already was, and had been for the whole race, so really it was just Roy who was now suited up).

"And... GO!" said the announcer.

Snake did a few ninja moves, and as soon as the five communist targets popped up, along with two civilian targets, Snake performed a 360 degree spin and shot all five communist targets.

Snake and Roy ran a few feet, and before walking inside the building, two more civilian targets and a communist target appeared.

Snake shot the communist target, and strode onward, with a smile proud on his face, bravely moving past the deadly dangers of communism, and continuing forwar-

Roy shot a civilian target.

"Dammit, dad," said Snake angrily. "You don't shoot those targets. They're civies!"

"S-sorry, son..." said Roy.

"Alright, let's try again," said Snake, sighing.

"Attempt number two!" said a random Goomba.

Snake pulled out dual M9s, and shot all three communist targets at the beginning, ran on, and shot the next communist target.

walking up some stairs, a communist target popped up.

He knifed it and ran onwards.

Several targets appeared.

Roy shot a civilian target.

"SON OF A-DAMN IT ALL, DAD" said Snake angrily.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry," said Roy ashamedly.

"Attempt number three." said the second goomba worker.

Snake this time pulled out a Vector with a suppresser and ACOG sight, and shot all three targets with ease, shot the fourth one and switched to his side arm, a Glock 18 with a Red dot sight and a suppresser, then shot the target at the top of the stairs.

He then took out all seven of the targets with a full sweep with his AA-12.

Snake placed C4 onto the top of the building, grabbed Roy, and jumped off the two story building, and as he was falling, pressed the detonator.

The building exploded, sending tiny little pieces of cardboard and wood flying everywhere, and Snake opened his parachute.

They landed safely to the ground, and Snake calmly started walking to the exit of the practicing facility, smirking as he triumphantly thought of being in first place for the leg, and how amazing it would be to win the million do-

Roy shot a civilian target.

"SON OF A BITCH, DAD!" screamed Snake angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 5th Place_

"We have to lose them, driver!" said Yoshi. "We'll pay extra, give you a fanny pack- anything, just lose them!"

"Got it," said the Shy Guy driver.

"Dude, they're a couple cars back, and they're trying to follow," reported Link, who was watching behind them.

"Oh, man, oh man- We spent too much time playing Uno." said a worried Yoshi.

...

"Wanna play Uno?" asked Yoshi.

"Hell yeah!" said Link.

They played Uno in the taxi, as their driver tried to lose the other taxi.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"We have to gain on them, driver!" said Mewtwo. "We'll pay money, give you gasoline- anything, just pass them!"

"Got it," said the Monty Mole driver.

"They're a mere two cars ahead." said Lucario.

"This is our chance to stay in! We need to take it!" said Mewtwo boldly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Cook_

"Do do dooo," hummed Ness, cooking three pancakes simultaneously.

"Good thing you're good at cooking." said Pikachu, smiling.

"Yeah, otherwise we'd be not doing so good at this task." agreed Ness.

"Heh, I bet Toon Link and Jigglypuff aren't exactly doing so well," sneered Pikachu.

"You said it!" said Ness.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Sell_

"Alrighty, I'll drive, and navigate. You do nothing but sit in the back and we should ace the task," said Toon Link.

"Okay!" beamed Jigglypuff, sitting in the back of the van.

Toon Link started the car.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Duuuude, is that... Ness who is cooking the food?" asked Falcon.

"Whoa man... are we sober?" asked Ganondorf.

"I thought I was," sighed Falcon.

"If that isn't an illusion, then we've caught up to the other teams." said Ganondorf.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Roadblock!" read Yoshi quickly. "Who on your team likes tea?"

"You do it!" said Link, "And hurry, those Twins will be here any second!"

"Alright, alright..." said Yoshi with urgency.

They ran inside.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Well, we're lost," sighed Lucario.

"Looks like it..." said Mewtwo.

"When do you reckon the Speed Bump will appear?" asked Lucario.

Mewtwo opened his mouth.

"Shut up," said Lucario.

Mewtwo closed his mouth.

_Yoshi  
On Roadblock_

"Half of the cups are gone, apparently?" noticed Yoshi.

"Have you even been observant enough to notice I've done just about every task for our team? I've done six, how many have you tried?" asked an angry Link.

"How should I know? Like, three?" said Yoshi.

"WRONG! This is your second one!" screeched Link.

"Whoa, man, calm down!" said Yoshi, placating.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Dude, we're tearing through this!" said Ganondorf.

"Yeah man," agreed Falcon, sneaking a couple pancakes under the table to the stray dog he had made his friend.

"Wow Falcon, you're hogging these like a pig! Have you been hiding this appetite this whole time?" laughed Ganondorf.

"Uh... heh heh, yeah..." chuckled Falcon nervously.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Sell  
Packages sold: 0/4_

"Dude, there's little time, make the sale!" said Toon Link to Jigglypuff.

The back door of the van opened, and Jigglypuff hopped out and handed the box to the Boo.

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR SALE!" said a rabid Jigglypuff.

She threw the package at the Boo, and it went right through him.

"What the heck is wrong with you people!" said the Boo, shocked.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Cook  
Meals cooked: 0/3_

"Almost done with the first one!" said Ness.

"Don't mess up, because this will ruin our chances of getting a lead!" said Pikachu.

"It's okay, mom always was a good cook!" said Ness.

"You think Toon Link and Jiggles are gonna catch up to us?" asked Pikachu.

"I doubt it," replied Ness.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Sell  
Packages sold: 1/4_

"Make a left, up ahead," said some random GPS device.

"Alrighty!" said Toon Link excitedly.

"Modern technology will kill us all!" said Jigglypuff ominously.

"Yeah right," laughed Toon Link.

Their car plunged off the road and into the lake.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"I think we're done?" said Falcon.

"Actually, I'm full and we have two left," said Ganondorf.

"Oh noes! What will we do?" asked Falcon, horrified.

_Yoshi  
On Roadblock_

"Do you think we're going to stay in?" asked Yoshi.

"Hey, we weren't last overall, that's what I didn't want," chuckled Link.

"I just hope we stay in to the top five," lamented Yoshi.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"All I wanted was to be in the top six," said Lucario, "And look where we are!"

"All I want is the million!" said Mewtwo, grinning.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Sell  
Packages sold: 3/4_

"Alright, we need to make a right up ahead," said Toon Link.

The guy from All-state commercials appeared and their car hit him head on.

"Ever had a rabid cone destroy your car?" asked Mayhem. "Well you can get All-state insurance to be on your side!"

"What the hell, man!" yelled Toon Link, stumbling out of the car, bleeding.

"Can't breathe..." choked out Jigglypuff, still in the back with a shard of glass impaling her.

"Just call 666-777-8888!" said Mayhem.

"Dude... what is your problem?" asked Toon Link, one eye bleeding.

"We will fully pay for all damages, no matter who will sue you," continued Mayhem.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Cook  
Meals cooked: 1/3_

"Dude, who do you think will be eliminated?" asked Ness, as he cooked the second meal.

"Definitely the Twins," smirked Pikachu.

"I agree!" laughed Ness, at the Psychic Twins' misfortune.

"If anything, at least we won't be eliminated!" said Ness.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Sell  
Packages sold: 4/4_

"You guys okay?" asked the Goomba they gave the last package to.

"Need... to win... the leg..." coughed up Toon Link, blood dripping down in his shirt.

Toon Link tried to pull the shard out of Jigglypuff, who was currently unconscious.

"Um, should I call someone?" asked the Goomba.

"Hey, Gary," called a voice from inside the hotel room.

The person walked out to reveal Victor Fox.

"Hey... is that... Toon Link?" asked Victor.

"H-help..." said Toon Link, trying to help Jigglypuff.

"You've got to be kidding me..." sighed Victor. "Are you guys told to follow me everywhere or something?"

"Help me take her to the next clue..." whispered a physically exhausted Toon Link.

"Good thing I trained in medical school," said Victor, helping Toon Link carry Jigglypuff inside the van.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Cook  
Meals cooked: 2/3_

"We're on the final meal!" said Ness.

"We need to hurry, if we move fast enough before the two others can get back, we'll be rid of them for good!" said Pikachu.

"Oh my gosh, I can feel the pit stop already," squealed Ness.

"What, you have a sixth sense too?" asked Pikachu, shocked.

"I was not being serious... but you have a sixth sense?" said Ness.

"The sense to know when people have a fear of us," explained Pikachu.

"Oooo, creepy!" said Ness.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Completed Task_

"You sure you want to go back to the pancake place?" asked Gary the Goomba.

"Heck yeah, need to win," said a weak Toon Link.

"On the count of three, we pull this piece out," said Victor. "One... two... THREE!"

Toon Link and Victor pulled out the shard, and the latter put pressure on the wound.

"Okay, she's okay." breathed Victor.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Completed Task_

"Detour: Cook or Sell?" read Ganondorf.

"Cook! Cook!" said Falcon.

"Looks like Ness is about to get a little shock," said Ganondorf, smirking.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Cook  
Meals cooked: 2/3_

"Almost... done..." said Ness, trying to finish up the last one.

The meal fell on the floor, and Ness and Pikachu gasped in horror.

"But... we came so far!" cried out Pikachu.

"We're screwed!" said Ness, bursting into tears.

"How could things possibly be any worse!" screamed out Pikachu.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Cook  
Meals cooked: 0/3_

"Hey Ness! And Pika-thingy!" smiled Falcon.

Ness and Pikachu cried even harder.

"What did I say?" asked Falcon angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We're here!" said Victor to Toon Link, as the former opened the back of the van so Toon Link could jump out and get the final clue.

"Make your... way... to the pit stop!" read Toon Link, "The Mushroom Skylight!"

_"Teams must now make their way to the pit stop, Mushroom Skylight, one of the tallest buildings in all of Mushroom City! The last team to check in here __**may**__ be eliminated!"_

"We need to hurry!" coughed Toon Link, getting back in the van.

_Ness and Pikachu  
On Cook  
Meals cooked: 2/3_

"Just need to think... concentrate..." said Ness, making the last one.

They added the finishing touches, then showed the manager.

"Here is your next clue," said the Koopa manager.

"We passed!" said a happy Ness.

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Mushroom Skylight!" read Ness.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Cook  
Meals cooked: 0/3_

"Dude, do you think the two kid teams are having an epic footrace battle thingy to the mat?" asked Ganondorf.

"Naaah, probably crying and throwing a hissy fit that they're not first or somethin'," laughed Falcon carelessly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Is... is that Toon Link?" asked Pikachu, pointing ahead.

"That is!" yelled Ness, "Hey taxi! Take us to Mushroom skylight!"

He paid the cab driver up front.

"Sure thing!" grinned the Toad.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"Step on it!" said Toon Link.

"Gotcha!" said Gary the goomba.

"We're almost to the mat!" said Toon Link epically.

_Five minutes later..._

_The Pit Stop_

Toon Link and Jigglypuff's van came to a stop, outside the building.

"Out! Out!" said Toon Link, helping Victor carry Jigglypuff inside.

They moved through the glass doors and moved to the stairs.

Ness and Pikachu's taxi stopped just short of the glass doors, and Ness, with Pikachu in hand, ran through the glass doors, after Victor, Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

"Sorry Toony," said Victor, grinning, "But I have other things to attend to!"

"You... you jerk!" screamed Toon Link as he attempted to drag Jigglypuff onward by himself... up some stairs.

Ness reached the foot of the stairs and attempted to catch up to Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

"Almost... there..." breathed Toon Link.

"Looks like its the end of the line, Toon Link!" laughed Ness, passing up Jigglypuff and Toon Link.

Jigglypuff woke up.

Ness and Pikachu ran even faster past them.

"Where... are we?" asked Jigglypuff.

"The pit stop, Jigglypuff! The pit stop!" exclaimed Toon Link.

"Well why didn't you say so?" asked Jigglypuff, instantly up and moving.

She floated up and ran past the other two racers and floated through the highest floor door and stood on the mat.

"Come on Toony!" called out Jigglypuff.

Ness smacked Toon Link's face with Pikachu and ran onward.

"We... must... win!" screamed Ness.

Ness, followed by Pikachu, ran into the pit stop room and headed for the mat.

Toon Link threw his boomerang, which hit the back of Ness' head, making him face plant.

Toon Link approached the mat, but was tripped by Ness, with Pikachu.

Ness threw Pikachu onto the mat.

Ness and Toon Link wrestled on the ground next to the mat ferociously.

"We... must... win... this... LEG!" screamed Ness.

"We need to win again!" screamed Toon Link.

Toon Link hit Ness so hard it threw Ness off him.

Toon Link made a break for the mat.

Ness used PK Thunder, and started to direct it at himself.

Toon Link was 5 feet away from the mat.

The PK Thunder was an inch away from Ness.

Toon Link was 4 feet away from the mat.

The PK Thunder came in contact with Ness, sending him literally flying towards the mat at an astounding speed.

Toon Link was 3 feet away from the mat.

Ness was above the mat.

Toon Link was 2 feet away from the mat.

Ness started to fall.

Toon Link was 1 foot away from the mat.

Ness landed on the mat.

...

...

"We... we're first..." said Ness, barely breathing.

"Actually, you're second," said Koopa after a few seconds.

"**WHAT? HOW!1**" screamed Ness.

Koopa pointed to Jigglypuff, who was grinning, and it was revealed she had pushed the plush toy Pikachu off the mat.

"Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number one!" said Koopa Troopa. "You have won a trip through the lovely Kanto after the race!"

"We did it!" cheered Toon Link and Jigglypuff.

"So close! Why?" cried Ness.

"Ness and Pikachu, you are team number two!" said Koopa Troopa.

_Roy and Snake  
33rd Attempt_

Snake ran through the course with ease, having memorized the entire practice course due to doing it 33 times in a row.

"You passed!" said the director.

"We passed? That's it? Nothing else to it?" asked Roy.

"Yes... all you guys needed to do was just complete this one simple task, but you screwed it up so bad you guys wasted an hour just completing a simple one attempt task..." explained the director.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Mushroom Skylight." read Roy.

"Finally," sighed Snake. "We could have been first!"

"I didn't intend to ruin our chances!" said Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Cook  
Meals cooked: 2/3_

"We're on the last meal already?" laughed Falcon.

"Duuuude, we'll be third for sure!" added Ganondorf.

"Haha, just need to make one more meal then we go to that pit stop!" said Falcon.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 5th Place_

"Make your way over to the Pancake restaurant further down town!" read Link.

"Awesome, almost to the end!" said Yoshi. "And we just finished a really hard roadblock, so we should be able to keep our lead against Mewtwo and Lucario!"

Mewtwo and Lucario's taxi showed up, and the Twins ran past the Lawyers.

"Hey guys, good luck with the Roadblock, it's supposedly reeeeally hard!" laughed Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Roadblock!" read Mewtwo quickly. "Who on your team likes tea?"

"Lucario, do the task and just use your psychic powers!" said Lucario.

...

"There's no point," explained Lucario, pointing _**to the only cup left full out of all 400 cups that had originally been full.**_

"Awesome!" said Mewtwo, him and Lucario running out.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Heh heh, can you imagine their faces by now?" asked Link.

"Yeah, they're probably freaking out now," chuckled Yoshi.

Mewtwo and Lucario walked out.

"That was easy," smirked Lucario.

Link and Yoshi scrambled to their car in a hurry.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Mushroom Skylight." read Ganondorf.

"Duuuude, hurry!" said Falcon with urgency.

"Taxi!" called out Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Alright, we need to hurry because we have about 8 miles until the pit stop so hopefully we can make the distance," said Roy.

"MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" cackled Snake, running over civilians.

"Knowing Snake, we should get there under 4 minutes," sighed Roy.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"See the Pancake restaurant?" asked Link.

"Dude, if we don't find it soon, we're screwed!" said Yoshi.

"Screwed? More like-"

They exploded, due to the fact that there were starving children in Africa, and no-one was feeding them.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We've been traveling forever, I just wanna reach the pit stop," sniffed Mewtwo.

"I think I see the Lawyers a few cars ahead..." said Lucario as-a-matter-of-factly.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"The restaurant!" screamed Link.

They halted the car and ran out.

"Eat ten pancakes for your next clue!" read Yoshi.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Dude, the pancake restaurant!" exclaimed Mewtwo.

"And the Lawyers!" said Lucario.

"They're both right there!" added Mewtwo.

_Link and Yoshi  
Lawyers_

"Dude, be careful, pancakes are said to be fattening," said Link to Yoshi.

"How do you know so much?" asked Yoshi, impressed.

"I watch the box with the moving pictures, thank you very much," said Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Hey, I think I see the hotel in the distance!" said Falcon.

"We're gonna make it!" said Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake_

"AHAHAHAH!" cackled Snake, firing a rocket launcher at Falcon and Ganondorf's taxi.

It made contact, and sent their car flying forward.

"Damn it, that helped them get closer to the final destination," cursed Snake.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

_Roy and Snake_

Snake forced his car to go 20 mph/kph faster, then rammed his car into the frats'.

"Suck it, Frats!" screamed Snake, throwing a grenade in their car.

"That ought to keep them busy for a while," smiled Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

A random pineapple landed in their car.

"Oh look, a pineapple," said Falcon, trying to eat the grenade.

"THATS A GRENADE," screamed Ganondorf, yanking it out of Falcon's hands and throwing it out the window in time.

"Something tells me we've gotten on the wrong foot with these guys," sighed Ganondorf.

"Actually both Snakes' feet are equally violent," said Falcon.

_Roy and Snake_

"Gain on them!" said Roy epically.

"If we can beat them, we could narrowly get third," said Snake.

"You think we're gonna beat 'em?" asked Roy.

"Oh yeah, sure," said Snake.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

Snake's car rammed the Frat's again, and the two swerved left and right dangerously.

"Duuuude, this is dangerous, man!" said a shocked Falcon.

Their cars shot straight towards the Skylight hotel building, and neither car slowed down in fear of being left behind.

So in conclusion, both cars slammed into the front glass doors, and went straight through.

After the dust settled, Falcon opened the car door, and stumbled out, bleeding.

He headed to the elevator.

Snake was dragging Roy, and was following.

Ganondorf tripped as he had been following Snake.

Falcon managed to get himself in the elevator, and called out for Ganondorf.

Snake had already gotten in the elevator with his father's unconscious body.

Snake pressed the elevator button for the 21st floor.

Ganondorf crawled inside Falcon's elevator and Falcon pressed the elevator button for the 21st floor.

The two elevators slowly moved to their destinations, one slightly ahead of the other.

_At the Pit Stop_

Falcon and Ganondorf's elevator opened first.

As they were slowly headed towards the mat, Snake appeared out of nowhere, and tackled the currently stronger of the two, Falcon.

Snake and Falcon rolled on the floor as they punched, kicked and scratched at each other.

Ganondorf tried to reach for the mat.

Falcon and Snake rolled on top of him.

"FALCOOON... KICK!" screamed Falcon, _**punching **_Snake.

"That was just unfair," whined Snake, clutching his nose.

Roy had regained consciousness and had gotten to the mat.

Falcon kicked Snake off of him and headed for the mat.

Ganondorf was reaching for the mat, but just as he was about to touch it, Snake stabbed his hand.

Falcon sucker punched Snake, and knocked him further away from the mat.

Falcon then ran onto the mat.

Snake toppled over Ganondorf, who had been feebly trying to get the blade off his hand.

Roy kicked Ganondorf in the face.

Falcon quickly Falcon Punch'd Roy off the mat.

Snake scrambled towards the mat.

Ganondorf pulled the blade out, and kept a scream from leaving his mouth.

Snake touched the mat.

Roy got up and ran towards the mat.

Ganondorf put the tip of the blade between his index finger and his middle, and aimed at Roy.

Roy was less than a foot from the mat.

Ganondorf threw the combat knife.

Roy realized a giant knife had gone through his stomach.

...And he collapsed on the ground.

Ganondorf touched the mat.

"Falcon and Ganondorf, you are team number three!"

"Duuuude, awesome!" said Falcon, wiping sweat from his brow.

"Roy and Snake, you are the numero quatro team!" said Koopa.

"Quatro?" said Snake, "Is that some form of code? What does it mean? Danger? Deception? Your underwear is too tight?"

"...It means you're fourth team," said Koopa angrily.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 5th Place_

"They still have to do the Detour, even if they've finished the Speed Bump," chuckled Link.

"Yeah, they're soooo screwed!" nodded Yoshi.

"Make your way to the pit stop, the Mushroom Skylight." read Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"I just hope we can beat these punks to the mat!" said Mewtwo.

"Yeah, and anyways, the Speed Bump was easy, involved psychic powers!" said Lucario.

"I think we can, I think we can, I think we can!" repeated the optimistic Mewtwo.

_Link and Yoshi  
Currently in 5th Place_

"While you were wasting time eating pancakes," explained Link, "I was busy throwing Mewtwo and Lucario off course!"

"How so?" asked Yoshi.

"I drew the directions on their map, the _wrong_ directions to the Pit stop!" cackled Link.

The two of them shared a laugh.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Why did our map say to go to a helicopter facility?" asked Mewtwo.

"Probably inherited some of your stupidity," shrugged Lucario.

_At the Pit Stop_

Link and Yoshi had used the elevator, and had just reached the pit stop floor.

They calmly walked towards the mat.

Suddenly, as if from nowhere, a helicopter burst through the glass wall, and headed straight for the pit stop.

It crashed halfway there, and Mewtwo flew out of his seat, and landed on the mat, a broken bloodied mess.

Lucario, who got a concussion from the crash, was clutching his head.

Yoshi had lost his right ankle from the helicopter rotors, and was trying to wobble towards the mat.

Link was busy being impaled by a chair leg, on a wall.

Yoshi fell over, and was quickly losing consciousness from blood loss.

Lucario unbuckled himself from the helicopter control seat, and he staggered towards the mat.

Yoshi placed his left hand (which was missing a finger) on the mat.

Lucario neared the mat.

Link took out the chair leg and in a desperate attempt, threw it at Lucario.

It hit Lucario so hard he stepped back a foot, and hit the ground.

Link, losing blood even faster than Yoshi, clutched his chest and moved towards the mat.

Lucario jumped on top of him and beat the living tar out of him.

Lucario was walking back towards the mat when Link grabbed his ankle, making him fall just short of the mat.

Link crawled over him to the mat, and was less than an inch away.

Mewtwo hit Link so hard with the gory chair leg, he knocked Link out like a light.

Lucario touched the mat, letting go of his lingering breath.

"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are team number five!" said Koopa Troopa.

"We're... still... in..." breathed Lucario, obviously relieved.

"Link and Yoshi, you are the last team to arrive, and I'm sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated," said Koopa.

"It's... okay," said Yoshi, trying to smile.

_"Even though we didn't win the million dollars, we still had a million dollars worth of memories," said Link in a voice-over._

"I'm just glad we got through eight legs," said Yoshi.

Link regained consciousness.

"Ugh... did we make it, Yoshi? Are we still in?" asked a weary Link.

Yoshi looked pained.

**Finish Times:**

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 6:36 AM

Ness and Pikachu: 6:37 AM

Falcon and Ganondorf: 7:00 AM

Roy and Snake: 7:01 AM

Mewtwo and Lucario: 7:22 AM

**Link and Yoshi: 7:23 AM - Eliminated!**

Good to finally be rewarded with another leg, huh? It was the two year anniversary of this story yesterday... Hard to believe the first season took 5 months, and this one has taken two years!

Anyways, do the usual, Review, and tell me who you liked, who you hated, who you think should go out next, your favorites, your hates, etc.

That's all, folks!


	9. What Happened to all the Cannon Fodder?

"Last time, on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race..." said Koopa. "Teams went from Tazmily Island, back to the mainland to Mushroom City!"

_"You must now make your way to... what does that say... oh, Mushroom City," read Ganondorf._

"Teams Ness and Pikachu, & Toon Link and Jigglypuff took the lead!" said Koopa.

_"We're one of two teams competing for the prize this time around! We have this in the bag!" said Ness, eyes wide._

"The two kid teams were head-to-head, all the way to the mat!"

_"You think Toon Link and Jiggles are gonna catch up to us?" asked Pikachu._

_"We've just about been head-to-head throughout this leg," noticed Ness. "It's like... a face-off!"_

"After a long navigational leg, the Middle School Students took the top!"

_"Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number one!" said Koopa Troopa. "You have won a trip through the lovely Kanto after the race!"_

"...Much to Ness' dislike!"

_"So close! Why?" cried Ness._

"Roy and Snake took the last Fast forward, in hopes of getting first!"

_"Let's see...we have to go through a military training program! Perfect!" said Snake. "This is __**exactly**__ my kind of task! Let's do the fast forward!"_

"However, because of Roy's lack of military training, the father and son were brought down to fourth!"

_"Yes... all you guys needed to do was just complete this one simple task, but you screwed it up so bad you guys wasted an hour just completing a simple one attempt task..." explained the director._

"Mewtwo and Lucario, who had been performing terribly the past few legs, were once again in dead-last for most of the leg!"

_"Last, and no hope in sight." said Lucario, with an evil frown on his face._

_"Last, and hope fully in sight!" smiled Mewtwo, with a good-natured smile upon his face._

"Link and Yoshi, slowly falling behind the frats and the father and son, ended up in the race to avoid being last against the Twins!"

_"Uh...yeah, we guess, everyone else is apparently ahead," said Link quietly._

_"Looks like a face-off," said Mewtwo, as he telekinetically hit the baseball with his baseball bat._

"And in the end, Mewtwo and Lucario narrowly avoided being eliminated for a second time, knocking the Lawyers out of the race!"

_"Even though we didn't win the million dollars, we still had a million dollars worth of memories," said Link in a voice-over._

"Only five teams have remained after eight long legs. Who will be eliminated... next?" said Koopa Troopa.

**The Teams: (With their secrets on how they made it this far!)**

Falcon and Ganondorf (Working as a team and actually cooperating?)

Roy and Snake (Knowing that when we win the million we can go back to ignoring each other)

Ness and Pikachu (We've been lucky that Pikachu isn't recognized as a citizen in six countries...)

Mewtwo and Lucario (Using _**my **_intelligence, _**my**_ strength, _**my**_ endurance...)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (Not being involved in other team conflicts)

"Will Toon Link and Jigglypuff, after coming so far and managing to stay in the top three, keep up their steady pace? Can Roy and Snake, after falling behind the past couple legs, keep their cool and stay in the race? Are Mewtwo and Lucario, going from pack leaders to the back packers, find their footing and get back to the top?"

"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff, who were first to arrive at the eighth pit stop at 6:36 AM, shall depart at 6:36 PM!" said Koopa Troopa.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
1st to Depart; 6:36 PM_

Toon Link ripped open the first clue.

"How come I never get to do the official opening of the clue?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Make your way to the local Mushroom City Ferries, and buy a ticket time for Yoshi's Island!" read Toon Link.

_"Teams must now take a ferry over to Yoshi's Island, the tropical rainforest island home to the had-been racer! Once they arrive, they must make their way to the Yoshi Village and receive their next clue from the Yoshi leader!" said Koopa Troopa._

"Oh my god, we get to see real live Yoshis!" said Jigglypuff.

"This is good, because I planned on taking a vacation to here a while back," mused Toon Link.

"Toony, we still go to school, you can't take days off," explained Jigglypuff.

"What? But... but I thought we get up to 10 days of vacation every year!" said Toon Link, looking desperate.

"That's for a job, going to school is not a job." said Jigglypuff.

Toon Link looked as if he was about to cry.

_Ness and Pikachu  
2nd to Depart; 6:37 PM_

"Dude, did you ever think we were gonna make the top five cut?" asked an excited Ness.

"Actually, I'm impressed," mused Pikachu (Ness).

"Make your way to the local Mushroom City Ferries, and buy a ticket time for Yoshi's Island!" read Ness.

"Oh man, we've made it this far, let's keep the pace!" grinned Pikachu (Ness).

Ness wolf-whistled at a taxi.

Everybody then proceeded to stare at him.

"Dude, wrong whistle," whispered Pikachu (Ness).

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
3rd to Depart; 7:00 PM_

"Make your way to the local Mushroom City ferries, and buy a ticket time for Yoshi's Island!" read Falcon, wearing reading glasses.

"Why are you wearing reading glasses?" asked Ganondorf.

"My doctor prescribed them to me!" said Falcon.

...

"Aw, who am I kidding?" cried Falcon, "I don't have a doctor!"

_Roy and Snake  
4th to Depart; 7:01 PM_

"I still can't believe it," grumbled Snake. "What a waste of a Fast forward..."

"Hey, at least we're still in the race!" said Roy, trying to remain optimistic.

"I wish I was an orphan," muttered Snake.

"I wish I got that abortion after all," grumbled Roy.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!" screamed Snake, running off and crying.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Last to Depart; 7:22 PM_

"We've gone from being the pack leaders, to the back packers," complained Mewtwo to no-one in particular.

"I want those punks Toon Link and Jigglypuff out of the picture, I think they should be the ones everyone wants to target." snarled Lucario.

"But boy, was I glad to see those stinking lawyers get eliminated, they were the ones who U-Turned us on leg seven..." said Mewtwo with a smug look.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place_

"See, in the previous legs when there was at least some form of cannon fodder, we had the ability to have fun," frowned Toon Link.

"But now we have to be serious and go for the big prize now that it's just us five teams!" said Jigglypuff.

"Man, Ness was being plain annoying last leg, I just hope he doesn't push it this time around!" grumbled Toon Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Sheesh, why is everyone so ticked about the time travel thing? And how did they learn about it, anyways?" said Ness angrily.

"Probably because you were going from Hotel room to room, waking everyone up by screaming at the top of your lungs, 'WE HAVE A TIME MACHINE, AND YOU-OUU DOON'T'..." grumbled Pikachu, eyes bloodshot.

"I just think everyone is jumping to conclusions without giving any thought to rational forms of action!" retorted Ness, trying to keep Pikachu out of camera view.

"They all held a conference of signing a petition to get you kicked out of the show!" said Pikachu, looking sleep-deprived.

"What about you?"

"What about me?" asked Pikachu.

"The petition, is it only for me?" asked Ness, angered.

"_Yes_," emphasized Pikachu angrily, barely keeping his eyes open.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"So we need to go to the local ferry, right?" asked Toon Link.

"What?" asked Jigglypuff.

"The ferry. That's what the clue said, right?" asked Toon Link, chuckling nervously.

"Oh, this?" asked Jigglypuff, holding up a clue.

"Oh, phew, had me worried there, Jiggly," said Toon Link with huge relief.

Toon Link inspected the clue closer.

"Um... this is from last leg..." said Toon Link. "If I don't have the clue... you don't have the clue... then that means..."

_Samus and Falco_

"That's right! We did steal the kids' clue! And we did it because there were starving children in Africa, and no one was doing anything about it!" smirked Samus.

"We did our research, found out where they were headed, and hit them hard!" said Falco with a quick smile.

"You forgot one thing," said Koopa.

"What?" asked Samus and Falco.

"You foiled the wrong kid team," said Koopa, losing interest in the conversation.

"DAMN YOU, NESS!1" screamed Falco as he and Samus were taken away by the feds.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We're heading into a Rainforest this leg, that's what Yoshi's Island is known for," said Falcon, smiling dumbly, "So we decided on pulling a few strings to take some extra rations with us!"

Ganondorf was shown on the screen, carrying both backpacks that were packed to the brim with random fattening foods.

"A little... help here...?" puffed Ganondorf.

Falcon simply smiled at the camera.

Ganondorf keeled over.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Before leg eight, the best we had ever done had been like, fourth place!" explained Ness. "Then last leg we pulled a few strings and got to second. Maybe if we work even harder we'll get the ultimate victory of all: the _**one million dollars**_."

"We still have 3 legs to go and then we'll have a chance," pointed out Pikachu.

"It's the final stretch, and this is where things get dirty!" exclaimed Ness.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"We finally managed to beat the money problem! We can easily buy this ticket to the ferry!" said Toon Link excitedly.

"How much money did we get for this leg?" asked Jigglypuff.

"156 dollars," said Toon Link, "And we have 43 dollars left over from the previous legs!"

Jigglypuff calculated the simple math problem in her head, taking longer to figure it out than a normal seventh grader could.

"Toon Link, the ferry ticket is 201 dollars, counting tax..." said Jigglypuff.

Toon Link just smirked. "We have exactly enough!"

"No we don't," said Jigglypuff, seeing she had the upper hand, "we have 199 dollars, because 156 plus 43 is 199, and 4 plus 6 is 10 but minus one, so it's 199..."

Toon Link stared at her.

"So pretty much we're a dollar short, plus another dollars' worth of taxes," said Jigglypuff. "I blame you for this."

Toon Link pouted.

_Ness and Pikachu  
1st on 8:00 PM ferry_

"We have 75 dollars extra, so we're good to go," explained Ness, purchasing their ferry ticket.

"We're hoping everyone will get delayed in the traffic we managed to shortcut through and they'll have to take the 9 AM ferry instead..." explained Pikachu, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

"Wow, you really thought things through, Ness," mused Bob the camera man.

"Um, it was Pikachu who said that..." said Ness, confused.

"What, now you're gonna yell at me for supposedly accusing you for saying something you really did then you're going to make me leave the car?" said Bob. "I HATE YOU!"

Ness looked legitimately confused.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"Okay, all we need to do is just beg for 2 dollars and we'll be on our way," explained Toon Link.

"Sheesh, ever since leg five we've had this money problem," said Jigglypuff, "Will it ever go away?"

The kids watched as the Frats walked by.

"Hey guys, hey, Falcon! Ganon!" called out Toon Link. "We need two bucks! Can you help us out?"

"Sorry, the stakes are getting too high for helping out anymore," said Ganondorf, smiling.

They continued walking away.

"Well, this sucks," lamented Jigglypuff.

"What ever happened to the Cannon fodder?" asked Toon Link angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

Falcon looked cautiously behind them, then looked back at Ganondorf.

"Do you think that was the right move?" asked Falcon, looking nervous.

"Why the hell would it _not_ be the right move?" laughed Ganondorf. "It's leg nine! Everyone knows that, at this rate, it's every man for himself! Besides, they owe us like, so many favors that we should be asking _them_ for money!"

"I guess, but what if they didn't actually need the money?" asked Falcon.

"What the heck are you babbling about?" said an annoyed Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Dude, we need to shape up, we've gone from pack leaders to under dogs in a mere four legs..." mused Mewtwo.

"Whatever, as long as we're still in," shrugged off Lucario.

"I feel like we've been gone for a while, and we finally came back," said Mewtwo, as if he just had an epiphany. "And we are just cannon fodder, like everyone else who had just left the race... Oh, wait, I was reading the author's mind as he was typing this up..."

Mewtwo broke the fourth wall, along with several Fanfiction citations.

Damn you, Mewtwo.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We need to get our acts together. I mean, seriously? Fourth place?" whined Roy. "That's the lowest we've gotten yet!"

"Hah, it's better than the twins' stupid placements as of late," laughed Snake.

"If anything... I would have to agree," nodded Roy.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

Lucario sneezed.

_Roy and Snake_

"Now let's get off this stupid pit stop mat and go and win ourselves a second leg!" cheered Roy.

"22 minutes sure fly by fast when engaging in a legitimate conversation with one's father!" said Snake excitedly.

They called a taxi, waited 4 more minutes, got inside and left.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"I think if we were to walk, it would save ourselves money!" replied Lucario angrily.

"We have lots of money, we don't need to bother saving!" explained Mewtwo.

"Yeah, well, you never know!" said Lucario gruffly, puffing a smoke ring with his cigar.

Jigglypuff and Toon Link jogged up to them.

"Hey, do you guys have 2 dollars? We really need it..." sighed Toon Link.

"Why the heck would we do that?" asked Mewtwo.

"Get out of here, dammit, or I'll find a reason to kill you." hissed Lucario.

"But... we need the money!" said Toon Link desperately. "We really do, we won't be able to continue the race without just a measly 2 bucks!"

"Do you take Euros?" asked Mewtwo.

"No," said Toon Link angrily.

"Oh, never mind then..." sighed Mewtwo, lowering his right hand which contained an overflowing abundance of pointlessly owned Euros.

"Well we aren't giving you our money," explained Lucario.

"Where the heck are we gonna find any money?" screamed Toon Link angrily.

Jigglypuff got bored of hearing the pathetic whining of her team mate, and she walked away.

"What, am I being too loud for ya? Too annoying?" yelled Toon Link furiously.

Mewtwo and Lucario left.

"The hell? You guys too? What's wrong with all of you? Seriously?" screeched Toon Link.

He looked down.

"Oh," said Toon Link, realizing at the last second that a thousand money bags were about to crush him and slay him instantly.

_Roy and Snake_

The father and son passed the thousand of raining money bags as they were on their way to get to the ferry.

"Awesome, typical weather for Mushroom City!" smiled Roy.

...I'm running low on ideas, okay? Writing a story this long is very, very hard.

They passed up the Twins on their way there.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
2nd on 8:00 PM ferry_

"Wow, it's only 7:45 PM! Still fifteen minutes remaining! We really hustled here!" said Ganondorf.

"I wonder if we'll be ahead of any other teams," mused Falcon.

"Probably," agreed Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Man, those damned kids whining for money really pissed the hell out of me," growled Lucario.

"I totally agree!" said Mewtwo.

"I never liked them, I hope they get eliminated," decided Lucario.

"I totally agree!" said Mewtwo. "We should come up with a way to get rid of them!"

_Roy and Snake _

"Ah, here's the ferry," said Roy with relief.

They paid the taxi driver, grabbed their bags and stepped out the taxi.

They walked up to the greeter.

"Hi, welcome to the Mushroom City ferry," greeted the male toad greeter.

"Have you seen any other people with cameras run by?" asked Roy.

"Let me deal with this," snarled Snake to his father, reaching to grab the greeter and interrogate him.

"Whoa, whoa, it's okay, Snake, it's okay," said Roy soothingly, trying to calm his son down.

The toad greeter merely stared at them nervously.

"Okay, now has anyone else been through here?" asked Roy.

"Actually, yes," nodded the greeter. "Two other groups, a kid with a stuffed animal, and a pair of idiotic college boys..."

"Looks like we're back to the middle of the pack!" said Snake, cackling evilly.

"One other thing," asked Roy.

"What?" asked the greeter, backing very slowly away.

"If you see a pair of kids, tell them this is the wrong ferry or something, 'cause to be honest, they're really annoying, and we don't want them around," said Roy craftily.

"Um, sure, I'll get right to that..." mumbled the toad nervously.

"'kay, thanks man, I knew you were a smart fellow..." said Roy, clapping his shoulder and walking inside the giant ferry port.

Snake menacingly made hand motions to the greeter signifying he would 'kill-him-in-a-painful-manner-if-he-would-squeal'.

The camera was coincidentally having technical issues to show any further footage.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Ahh, we're so screwed! We don't have enough money for our tickets! Even my idea of looking on the ground for money didn't work! We're still short 56 cents!" whined Toon Link, looking red.

"Yeah... about that..." stuttered Jigglypuff nervously. "I actually had the money the whole time..."

"WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?" screamed Toon Link, looking as if he was going to kill Jigglypuff. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU HAD THE DAMNED MONEY THE WHOLE FKING TIME?"

"Yeah, I did it to see what teams we could depend on! And obviously the Frats and Twins are scoundrels now!" smiled Jigglypuff. "We know who to U-Turn! ...Assuming one comes in the next couple legs."

"You're an idiot, Jigglypuff! A true dumbass!" ranted Toon Link. "You mean to tell me that the whole time you had two bucks, the very two bucks we could have used to gain a lead in a ferry times' worth, but instead you wasted a good one hour, seventeen minutes testing other peoples' characters! Quality thinking on your part!"

Jigglypuff was too busy calling for a taxi cab to be paying attention.

Toon Link began pouting.

"Now, all we need is to get to the ferry in less than seven minutes!" said Jigglypuff, beaming.

Their taxi arrived a mere four seconds later.

"Wow, that was fast! No wonder you guys have all the customers!" said Jigglypuff, pleasantly surprised.

The Koopa taxi driver pointed to the taxi cab station he had come from, which had been a mere 20 feet away.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake  
3rd on 8:00 PM ferry_

"Wow, we made it with seven minutes remaining!" smiled Snake.

"And we're only the third team here. Looks like the kids and the Twins are gonna have to take the last ferry!"

"Heh, looks like we have it made in the shade." cackled Snake evilly.

"I just hope if the kids do make it, that greeter will do his job..." said Roy.

"But... I thought his job is to greet and meet. That's a bad thing!" said Snake angrily.

"No, the other job!" said Roy angrily.

"What other job?" asked Snake.

"Do you forget everything that happened more than five minutes ago?" asked Roy desperately.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

The two psychic twins were very speedily passed up by the kids, probably due to the fact that they had a taxi.

"Wait... I thought they had a money problem?" said Lucario confusedly.

"Maybe it was a lame joke... or maybe... just maybe... it was a test?" said Mewtwo.

"Don't be ridiculous! They're in middle school, what could they possibly be capable of?" chuckled Lucario, wiping a (fake) tear away.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"So it's between the Twins or the Frats on whom to U-Turn..." muttered Jigglypuff.

Toon Link was still pouting.

"Oh look, only five minutes until we'll be forced to take the one-hour late ferry!" said Jigglypuff as-a-matter-of-factly.

Toon Link looked as if he was about to cry.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Man, we have five minutes left! We gotta hurry this up!" said Lucario, sprinting for the ferry port doorway.

They passed up the kids, whose taxi was busy parking.

"Perfect! They'll be left behind!" cackled Mewtwo.

"I like how you're becoming just like me," said Lucario with a half-smile. "Looks like you're not a complete waste of space after all..."

Mewtwo looked as if he was king of the world, smiling like the cat that had eaten the canary.

"Wipe that stupid grin off your face," snapped Lucario.

Mewtwo tried to look serious.

They passed by the toad greeter in a hurry, and in their haste they knocked him over.

"Man, no-one has respect for regular honest civilians anymore," sighed toad.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

Jigglypuff, looking proud, and Toon Link, looking as if his own mother had just tried to kill him, and then killed the rest of his family in front of him, then left and married Jason Voorhees, marched towards the ferry port doorway, in an attempt to catch up to the Twins.

They noticed the toad greeter trying to get up.

"Hey, are you okay?" asked Jigglypuff, helping up the very same greeter that was supposed to lie to them. "Let me help you up."

Toon Link was still pouting.

"Wow, how nice of you," said the greeter, genuinely touched by their kindness. "You guys seem so nice, I'll help you with anything you need!"

The toad greeter took off his outfit, to reveal an outfit underneath that.

Jigglypuff and Toon Link looked shocked.

"You work for the circus?" asked Jigglypuff, utterly confused.

"Hey, this is my best tux," said the toad angrily. "Besides, I am the owner of this ferry business!"

"Wow, really? So could you help us reach our ferry thingy on time?" said Toon Link, finally speaking.

"Sure thing!" said the toad.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Last on 8:00 PM ferry_

"Phew, last ones on the ferry! Looks like the kids aren't gonna make it after all!" cackled Mewtwo evilly.

"Hey, that's my trademark laugh..." whined Lucario.

"At least we made the stupid ferry with everyone else." mused Mewtwo.

"Yeah," agreed Lucario.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Last LAST on 8:00 PM ferry_

"Hey, Jorge, I want you to wait on departing with the S.S. Dedede!" explained the toad manager.

"Haha, we actually made it on time... wait... did you just say the S.S. Dedede?" asked a confused Toon Link.

"Yeah, why?" asked the manager.

"Um... nothing," said Toon Link, trying to forget the early days of the race.

"I'm just glad we're on the same ferry as the other teams," said Jigglypuff ecstatic. "It'll be even footing this leg!"

_8:04 PM_

_"Message to all passengers, due to a slight malfunction, the one-way trip to Yoshi's Island will have to be delayed for a few minutes..."_

"Are you kidding me?" said an angry Ganondorf.

"Ah, well, at least the kids aren't here..." mused Mewtwo.

"Amen to that, brother!" cheered Lucario, champagne in hand.

"Pikachu, we must try to use all our wits if we want to beat the other teams," whispered Ness to Pikachu while everyone was distracted.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff boarded the ferry.

"HEY! CASTAWAYS! SECURITY!" howled Lucario angrily, pointing to the kids.

"Actually, they paid for their tickets," said a buff security guard.

"If I pay extra, will you have some fun with me?" said a drunken Lucario.

Everyone stared.

"Um... I mean... babes and such... No homosexuality here..." said a nervous Lucario.

"But... you're just letting them on? Just like that?" asked a very depressed Mewtwo.

"Yes," said the other buff security guard.

_The camera views the boat departing and Koopa appears, on-screen._

_"On the 8:00 PM ferry, all five remaining teams are aboard! Their ferry will arrive to its destination at 12:30 AM!"_

_"Once the ship lands, teams must search for the clue box, which is somewhere along the beach's coast!"_

_12:31 AM  
Ferry Landed_

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Come on Pikie, we need to win us a leg!" said Ness dramatically.

"Man, I'm just glad we've made it this far," mused a relieved Pikachu (Ness).

"Dude, don't worry, out of these remaining teams we're the best ones, we're definitely gonna be across that finish line first," said Ness with pure confidence.

"I'm not so confident myself..." admitted a nervous Pikachu (Ness). "We're not exactly the most liked team, to be honest..."

"Have you heard about Toon Link's situation? The guy's totally screwed." smiled Ness.

"Yeah, well, you and him both," muttered Pikachu to no-one in particular (Ness).

"Alright, I'll search further north, maybe it'll be more inland." explained Ness, as he inched further along.

"Yeah, you do that..." said a high-strung Pikachu (Ness).

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Dude, all teams are on equal footing now, we have our chance to propel back to the front!" smiled Lucario.

"Aw, sweet! Maybe we could get in first place this leg!" beamed Mewtwo.

"It's as if we're destined to win this race!" exclaimed an ecstatic Lucario.

"Just as the voices in my head have predicted! All we need to do now is see to it that one of our fellow racers dies!" said Mewtwo in a prophetic tone.

Lucario looked very confused at his brother.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Now that there's only five teams, we need to be extra careful not to screw up..." said Jigglypuff.

"Said the team member who constantly holds back the team," pointed out an annoyed Toon Link.

"Ugh, this is going to be a long leg, I can already tell..." predicted Jigglypuff.

"I will never, ever, _ever_ forgive you for what happened earlier today..." ranted Toon Link.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Dude, I think out of the remaining teams, you and me have the strongest friendship between the remaining teams. We could use this to our advantage." mused Ganondorf.

"I concur," agreed Falcon.

"If we keep our heads, and keep working together, we just might get that million dollars!" said Ganondorf, smiling.

"Yeah, I always wanted to win a million bucks," sighed Falcon dreamily.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"As it turns out, we have extra money," said Snake suggestively, raising his eyebrows.

"That means we could bribe for the next clue!" said Roy. "You know, I'll bet no-one else has considered that..."

"Okay, there's a Yoshi, let's bribe him!" said Snake.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Dude, we need to find this clue box, if you see a tall pole that's kinda yellow, tell me, and call out my name." said Ness.

"Okay," replied Pikachu.

They parted ways, Pikachu going left and Ness taking the right, Ness heading into the jungle while Pikachu scoured the coast.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Now where would I be if I were a clue box," mused Jigglypuff to herself, walking along the shore.

"It would be impossible for you to be a clue box," said Toon Link angrily. "For one thing, it does a better job at being a team mate than you'll ever be able to."

"I wasn't asking you, now look for the clue box, Ness is getting desperate to end up in first since we've outdone him, so be careful," reminded Jigglypuff, humming some random tune to herself.

"Yeah, whatever," said a sour Toon Link, sitting down.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Dude, dude, we should split up like Ness and... well, Ness." said Lucario thoughtfully.

"Yeah... yeah, that would work, let's get started." agreed Mewtwo.

"I wonder why Snake and Roy are talking to that Yoshi," wondered Lucario aloud.

_Roy and Snake_

"Okay, so if we give you 5 bucks, will you tell us where that clue box is?" asked Roy.

The Yoshi shook his head.

"Maybe _my_ methods will work," said Snake, cracking his knuckles.

"No, leave this to me... What about 6 bucks?" asked Roy, pulling out another bill.

The Yoshi shook his head.

"Okay... how about 10, is that satisfactory?" questioned Roy, pulling four more out.

The Yoshi shook his head.

"Damn, he's a tricky bastard," said Snake angrily.

"Quiet... I need to think... How about... 20 bucks?" asked Roy, looking desperate.

The Yoshi shook his head.

"Okay... well... how can we find out where the next clue is?" asked Roy angrily.

The Yoshi shook his head.

"Do you even know english?" asked Roy, losing hope.

The Yoshi shook his head.

"Are you a communist that needs to be put down in a brutal fashion but not before being subjected to all forms of torture?" asked Snake eagerly, holding up a combat army dagger.

The Yoshi shook his head.

"Are you _**not **_a communist that needs to be put down in a brutal fashion but not before being subjected to all forms of torture?" asked Snake eagerly.

The Yoshi shook his head.

"Have fun, son." said Roy simply, as Snake closed in on the Yoshi, plotting its gruesome demise.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Aw man... I think I'm lost," groaned Ness anxiously.

Ness continued to look for signs of the island coast, but only ending up further in the jungle.

"I think we're screwed," whispered Ness, frightened.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"You know, if we come across a U-Turn, we won't be able to use it..." sighed Mewtwo.

"Come to think of it, we already used our Fast Forward also. Wait, who can U-Turn and is still around?" asked Lucario.

"Let's see... the kids, frats, and the father and son." thought Mewtwo aloud.

_Roy and Snake_

"Now," said Roy, having wiped the ignorant Yoshi's blood off of his tunic, "Let's find someone who actually knows what the hell we're saying."

"Man, I haven't had that much fun in forever," said Snake, smiling, covered in blood.

"Hey, does anyone here speak english?" asked Roy to the other Yoshis.

"Actually, everyone here does," voiced one of the Yoshis.

Roy and Snake looked at each other.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Okay dude, we gots to find ourselves the next clue..." said Falcon, leaning on a tall, thin, wobbly tree which actually didn't look like a tree at all and it was an unusual tree color of yellow.

"Where would one hide a clue box?" wondered Ganondorf aloud.

They both conveniently stared at the skimpy tree.

"Well, not here, that's for sure," laughed Falcon, walking in the wrong direction.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Man, I want that father and son eliminated, real bad," sighed Mewtwo, hopefully.

"I want those kids gone," plotted Lucario, rubbing his hands together in a very evil fashion. "And we need to be the ones to do it."

"How can we? If we purposely try to foil them, we will be given a penalty..." pointed out Mewtwo.

"There _are other ways_," said Lucario, raising an eyebrow.

"Is it wrong if you're turning me on when you do that?" asked Mewtwo, looking aroused.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Okay, give us the next clue, Yoshi villager, and we'll give you five bucks," explained Roy, holding four bucks.

"Is that a lot?" asked the Yoshi spokesperson.

"Um... yes...?" said Roy, handing him the money.

A red Yoshi whispered something in the green Yoshi spokesperson's ear.

"He says you're trying to con us," said the Yoshi. "...This is four bucks!"

Roy handed him a fifth buck.

...

The Yoshi handed him the clue, smiling in an awkward fashion.

Snake ripped it open.

_"Teams must now search for one of five baby Yoshis out in the deeper parts of the jungle, each carrying a clue. Once they have found one of them, they will receive their next clue!" explained Koopa, standing near a Yoshi._

_"I'm standing next to a Yoshi! Isn't that amazing?" asked Koopa. "A real, live, Yoshi! Cool, huh?"_

_The Yoshi kicked Koopa in the crotch._

_"THAT'S FOR ELIMINATING ME AND LINK, BITCH!" screamed _the _Yoshi._

"Teams must now search for one of five baby Yoshis out in the deeper parts of the jungle, each carrying a clue. Once they have found one of them, they will receive their next clue!" read Snake, the episode airing the whole clue reading part just to fill in empty space.

"Let's-a go!" said Roy cheesily.

They were sued for stealing a copyrighted quote.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Hey, ask the father and son where they got their clue, 'cause they're leaving right now!" pointed out Mewtwo.

"I would rather die than receive help from them," replied a rebellious Lucario, folding his arms.

"Would you rather get eliminated than be able to stay in?" asked Mewtwo.

"No," admitted Lucario.

"Hey guys, where did you get your clue?" asked Mewtwo.

"Uh, over there!" stated a nervous Roy, pointing in a random direction.

"Hey," said Mewtwo, noticing the obviously placed yellow and red clue box in a field of green, "You're right! Thanks, guys!"

"DAMN IT, DAD!" yelled Snake angrily, pounding his fist into a tree.

_Roy and Snake  
After-Leg Interview_

"That really backfired on us," admitted Roy ashamedly.

"SPOILER ALERT, we get ... PLACE!" SPOILER'd Snake.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Teams must now search for one of five baby Yoshis, each carrying a clue," read Lucario.

"Let's go," added Mewtwo nonchalantly.

"Thought of a way to eliminate those kids?" asked Lucario hopefully.

"Look, I'll tell you if I do, okay?" suggested Mewtwo, looking annoyed.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Oh man, I really hope we find this clue box soon," mused Ganondorf.

"Huh, all we need to do is find a stupid clue box, and we can't even find it," muttered Falcon to himself.

"You know, maybe we should have searched that place over there more thoroughly..." mused Ganondorf.

"Pssh, ridiculous, that place is a joke," laughed Falcon oafishly. "It's just a bunch of trees, in a jungle!"

"Uh, that's pretty much the entire island in a nutshell," replied Ganondorf.

"It's actually shaped like a coconut if you ask me," said Falcon.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Okay, just find that clue box and we'll be ahead of two teams! Two! That's really great," said Jigglypuff optimistically.

Toon Link muttered something to himself.

"All we need to do, is find this clue," continued Jigglypuff, talking to no one in particular.

Toon Link was lying down, not contributing whatsoever.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Oh man, oh man, oh man oh man oh man," panted Ness, sprinting in desperation, trying to get back to the shore.

He ran into the clue box, coincidentally.

"Oh, cool! Pikachu, the clue's over here!" said Ness, waving over his stuffed animal friend.

"Dude, we need to get a move on," said (Pikachu), standing completely stationary, due to the fact he was probably a stuffed animal, and Ness was essentially saying this to no one but himself.

"Okay, this is just ridiculous," said Larry the cameraman, "I've been travelling with you for eight and a half legs, man, and you're still willing to argue that it's a real, live, human being?"

"Actually," laughed Ness, "He's a stuffed animal..."

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Okay, just get out and find these Yoshis!" said Mewtwo with emphasis.

"Just keeping an eye on the annoying father and son..." reminded Lucario.

"Oh, speaking of annoying, I thought of a way we could eliminate Jigglypuff and Toony..." began Mewtwo. "All we need to do is lower their morale, right? Well, Toon Link seems completely put out already, which leaves Jigglypuff, whom, unfortunately, is probably more optimistic than you, me, and the other three teams remaining combined..."

"Get to the point," spat Lucario, scratching his ear.

"Anyways, one way to lower morale is by making those around you respond to you in a negative way. Meaning, if we get the other three teams, the Father/Son, Frats and Ness, to hate the kids, we can possibly force them out of the race!" explained Mewtwo excitedly.

"So how can we accomplish this?" asked Lucario.

"By reminding the others about the devious things they've committed," continued Mewtwo. "Oh, and a second way we could get them eliminated is if we were to lead them in the wrong direction."

"Heh, it'll work like a charm if we can just get Jigglypuff to believe us."

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Alright, just find the Yoshis now," said Snake to his father.

They trudged along for awhile in silence, casually approaching what looked to be a swamp.

"Right, they're gonna make this pretty damn difficult, so keep an eye out for a particularly nasty place to get to, 'cause that'll be where they are, bet your silver dollar they will," ranted Roy in his usual talkative manner.

Snake, having learned to deal with his dad in the past two years, six months and two days of racing on this pathetic reality TV show with remarkably poor ratings and with only three actual fans, simply tried to ignore the rantings of what he deemed his deluded father.

"That swamp for example, now obviously there should be one in there," said Roy, stopping by the edge of the swamp.

Snake kept on walking, oblivious to what Roy was saying.

"Hey... Snake." said Roy.

Snake ran into a tree.

"Snake." said Roy.

Snake took out his earplugs, looking around in a daze.

"Why'd we stop walking?" he asked, a dumbfounded, naive look about him.

"One of us needs to wade into that swamp," stated Roy coldly, "And we both know that the lazy, good-for-nothing should be the one to do it."

Snake sighed. "And that would be me, wouldn't it?"

"Get in there." said Roy, looking menacing.

Snake stealthily made his way through the swamp, almost impossible to make out due to the fact he was randomly wearing a ghillie suit.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friend(s)?_

"Dude," laughed Ness, "Dude, dude, dude, dude."

"What." asked Pikachu, face red.

"Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude dude dude dude dude," continued Ness, his face a picture of indescribable joy and laughter.

"What!" asked Pikachu, starting to really get annoyed.

"Dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude, dude dude dude..." panted Ness, almost out of breath.

"WHAT." yelled Pikachu.

"Dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude, dude dude dude Dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude dude," choked out Ness, now gasping for air in a feeble attempt.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? FAME? MONEY? POWER!" screamed Pikachu insanely.

"...Have you ever noticed that when you say one word too much it starts to sound weird?" laughed Ness.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Okay, seriously, we should retrace our steps," said Ganondorf, dead serious.

"Oh, Gannie, you're such a joker!" laughed Falcon, carelessly trudging through the jungle, further inland.

"Dude, the clue even said to-"

"CLUE?" screamed Falcon in relief, panting heavily and gripping Ganondorf's boot.

"The first clue given to us, at the start of the leg..." said Ganondorf, sighing.

"D'aw man, got me worked up there," said a depressed Falcon, sitting down and moping.

"Come on dude, we gots to go back to the shore..." reminded Ganondorf urgently, "We can still beat a team... I think..."

They finally headed back to the shore.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Now... if I were a clue... where would I hide?" asked Jigglypuff to herself.

Toon Link was actually on the shore, asleep.

A coconut fell from the tree above him and cracked on his skull.

He awoke, in pain.

"If I were a clue, I would hide at 21 degrees south, 13 degrees east!" she said at complete random.

She found the clue box with her strange methods of doing nothing and then making a completely educated guess.

"Teams must now search for one of five baby Yoshis, each carrying a clue," read Jigglypuff.

She noticed Toon Link rubbing his head furiously.

"You should try that head product, head on," she suggested.

_Advertisement_

"HEAD ON!" said Quinn, with a fake mustache, holding up a bottle of 'Head on'. "This is totally our own product! Buy now!"

Kirby came in, also with a fake mustache, and began tap-dancing.

"I'm tap-dancing!" said Kirby, smiling dumbly.

"He's tap-dancing, folks! That means you should buy our product, brand new and never released to the public! Head on!" said Quinn.

Quinn stood there, holding the bottle of Head on, grinning, while Kirby nervously continued to tap-dance.

"You should totally buy it! You apply it to your forehead!" said Quinn.

"I can tap-dance!" said Kirby.

...

A SWAT team burst through the production door, knocking it off the seams, some bursting through the roof panels, others coming in through the window, all of them heavily armed with M4A1s.

"You're under arrest for fraud, arson, and doing a terrible impression of Billy Mays!" screamed the leading SWAT officer.

"I plead the fifth!" said Kirby, making a break for it.

They gunned him down in a bloody manner, continuing to shoot at Kirby's dead, oozing body even though he was already clearly dead.

Quinn just watched, in shock.

"Are you Quintus Benvolio McIntosh, wanted for fraud, arson, and doing terrible impressions of the beloved Billy Mays?" asked the SWAT officer gruffly.

Quinn looked down the barrel of the M4A1.

Quinn looked at Kirby's bullet-ridden, puffy lifeless corpse.

Quinn looked down the barrel of the M4A1.

Quinn looked at Kirby's bullet-ridden, puffy lifeless corpse.

Quinn looked down the barrel of the M4A1.

Quinn looked at Kirby's bullet-ridden, puffy lifeless corpse.

Quinn looked down the barrel of the M4A1.

Quinn looked at Kirby's bullet-ridden, puffy lifeless corpse.

"You actually gunned Quintus down already," stuttered Quinn nervously.

"Really?" asked the SWAT officer.

"Um... yeah..." said Quinn.

"And you are...?" asked the SWAT officer.

"I'm uh, Kirby, the assistant to Quinn... yeah..." said Quinn unconvincingly.

The two stared at each other for a long time.

"Good day," said the SWAT officer, him and all his SWAT members disappearing as quickly as they had first appeared.

Quinn just stood there, his right eye twitching involuntarily.

Then the camera went black, followed by the words 'Please stand by' flashing across a grainy screen.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Now, I don't see anyone else around," said Ganondorf, trying to remain positive, "But I'm sure there's other teams around, looking for the clue just like us!"

Falcon was busy looking for the clue, in a panic-stricken manner.

"Maybe we should look in that field, after all, it's the only place we haven't checked!" suggested Ganondorf.

"NO! NEVER! I'LL LOSE MY PRIDE IF IT TURNS UP THERE!" howled Falcon, digging in the sand in a futile attempt.

"Come on, please?" asked Ganondorf. "It's the only place we _haven't_ searched..."

"Fiiiiine," sighed Falcon childishly.

They walked into the open field, the setting where the video game Yoshi's Island began (pathetic plug) and stood there.

"There's... nothing here," pointed out Falcon.

The cardboard panel of a tree fell over, revealing the clue box that had been there the whole time.

Ganondorf walked up, snatched up a clue, opened it, and read it out loud.

"Teams must now search for one of five baby Yoshis, each carrying a clue," read Ganondorf.

"Let's go!" said Falcon cartoonishly, waving towards the jungle.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Do you think it'll work?" asked Lucario.

"Oh, it will," cackled Mewtwo evilly. "It... will..."

They both started cackling maniacally, in a stereotypical fashion.

"Now, you go find a Yoshi, while I sit here and deploy our plan to ruin them!" said Mewtwo.

"Hey... I'm the one who gives the orders around here, okay?" asked Lucario.

...

"Now, **I'll** find a Yoshi, while **YOU** stay here and make sure our plan works..." said Lucario craftily.

"Okay!" agreed Mewtwo, smiling cheesily.

"You know, you might not be a total dumbass and completely useless after all..." mused Lucario.

"Gee... thanks!" said Mewtwo, a hint of sarcasm behind his voice.

"WAS THAT SARCASM?" screeched Lucario, raising a whip.

"No..." whimpered Mewtwo nervously.

"Okay... good... 'cause I hate sarcasm... sooo much..." said Lucario.

Lucario walked off, muttering under his breath.

Mewtwo sighed in relief, cartoonishly wiping the sweat off his forehead.

_Roy and Snake_

Roy sat there, waiting for his prodigal son's return... ...from a swamp.

The elder turned and looked at the camera.

"You know... have I ever told you that I used to be at Vietnam? During the war, I mean. I served from 1961, to 1965. Man, that was a pointless war. Gave me something to do, though. Me, Barley, and good ol' Steve, the three of us, signed up we did, together. We was like brothers, the three of us. Three compadres, the three amigos. Good times. '63 was a year to remember. Steve and I, we was on duty that one damn cold night, shivering from pneumonia, Steve was. We were just about to be relieved of our night shift when the Viet Cong caught us off guard! Well, unfortunately for me, m' arm fell asleep, my rightie, so my leftie had to do all the fightin'. Steve though, good man he was, took all seven of the VC that took him on. Anyways, I guess all the noise must've woken the sarge, Barley, and everyone else, 'cause they was a runnin' out t' help, Barley mowin' them damn communists down with his M60, hoo boy, they paid for their plottin' ways..."

The camera conveniently switched to another team.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Okay, there's Roy, looks like he's distracted," pointed out Ness.

"That's nice," said Pikachu.

"You know, we should really try to go after Snake, it looks as if he's found that Yoshi on top of that hill over yonder," pointed out Ness.

"That's nice," said Pikachu.

"Oh, by the way, I think I hear someone coming," said Ness.

"That's nice," said Pikachu.

Ness and Pikachu hid in the nearby underbrush, watching as Lucario burst through the underbrush, panting from the 50 yards he ran, completely out of shape.

"Lucario looks as if he's on a mission," commented Ness.

"That's nice," said Pikachu.

"You know, I kind of think we should really approach that Yoshi over there behind Roy, before Lucario gets there," added Ness, standing up.

"That's nice," said Pikachu.

Ness broke into a sprint, almost passing up Lucario from the sudden burst of energy.

Lucario unfortunately noticed, and forced himself to go the extra distance, panting from exhaustion.

Ness passed up Lucario, taunting the unfit jackal, slowing to a mocking jog.

Lucario desperately tried to keep up, but was slowly being left behind.

Ness casually jogged up to where the Yoshi was, but just before he could reach it, he tripped.

Ness fell onto the mushy, fertile ground, a horrible sound wrenching itself out from Ness' throat as he slid across the topsoil, this fatal mistake bungling the possible lead poor Ness could have had, coming this far, and screwing it all up, just because his pride got in the way of what could have been easy game.

...

Lucario took the clue from the Yoshi.

"Teams must now sign up for one of two departure times inside the Yoshi village hall," read Lucario.

_"Teams now have to make their way to the only society known on this island; the local Yoshi Village! Once here, teams have to go into town hall and sign up for one of two departure times for tomorrow: 7 AM, and 8 AM. Only the first three teams to arrive will be able to sign up for the earlier time departure!" exclaimed Koopa overexcitedly._

"I... I failed..." cried Ness, a single tear falling off his face, "I could've done it, but I was too full of myself... oh, now I'll never be able to win the million dollars for Anita's cancer fundings!"

...

...

"That's nice," said Pikachu.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Come on, this way," said Jigglypuff encouragingly.

"It's hopeless, we're done," admitted Toon Link, all the hope and wonder gone from him. "We're gonna be eliminated."

"Not on my watch!" said Jigglypuff, dragging Toon Link with her.

They blundered onward, through the dense outcrop of the jungle, heading towards Roy's monotonous voice.

"I bet we're already catching up to some other teams," said Jigglypuff with optimism.

They reached the foot of the swampy hills, where Roy, Ness and Pikachu were.

"Look! Other teams!" said Jigglypuff, waving to the three other racers.

Roy didn't notice, Pikachu was a stuffed animal so obviously didn't respond, while Ness merely groaned in anguish.

"And now more teams have caught up," sighed Pikachu. "Get up, we have work to do."

"...Then _it happened_. A damned soviet-supporting, communistic-driven, pagan worshipping commie Vietnamese rose up and stabbed good ol' Steve right in his back. He managed to raise his pistol just high enough to get the commie right in his dinger... won't be havin' babies anytime soon," ranted Roy, "Anyways, poor Steve gasped out five words, five words I'll never forget, so help me, before he passed on. He said to me, and me, directly: '...I slept with your sister...'. It was then when poor Stevie died... by _**me**_... choked him slowly to death..."

Ness eventually got up and stumbled off into the jungle, in search of one of the four remaining Yoshis.

Jigglypuff decided to scour the nearby area, while Toon Link merely slept, propped onto a nearby tree.

Snake finally returned, a dead Yoshi slung on his back, and covered in the blood of the dinosaur, licking his lips in a pedophilian manner.

"Son..." said Roy angrily. "You were supposed to bring back the clue, not the dead body of the animal."

Snake held up a blood-covered clue.

"Good son," stated Roy coldly, taking the clue and ripping it open.

When his father turned his back to him, Snake stuck his tongue out at his father in a very childish manner.

"Teams must now sign up for one of two departure times inside the Yoshi village hall..." read Roy aloud.

"Come on, Toony," said Jigglypuff, "Two teams already found the next clue, we need to high-tail it!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

The two dispirited frats trudged on through the swamp, further south of everyone else.

"D'aw man, I feel so bummed," said a tired Falcon.

"My feet are killing me," complained Ganondorf.

"Gosh, I just hope things aren't going so well for the other teams," mused Falcon sheepishly.

"I hope they're lost, too," added Ganondorf forlornly.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Ugh, I'm so depressed, I can't even think straight," stammered Ness.

"Dude, think of the prestige..." said Pikachu.

"My feet are aching." lamented Ness.

"And how everyone will remember you..." continued Pikachu.

"I think I swallowed some dirt from earlier." said Ness.

"And the fact that you'll be the first kid to win... heck, we'll be the _second_ team to win..." reminisced Pikachu.

"Some of it went into my eye..." whined Ness, rubbing furiously at his right eye.

"Not only that, but think of how proud your mom will be... despite the fact you signed up for this race illegally and you are technically on the lam..." droned Pikachu.

"I'm really, really tired..." sighed Ness.

"Think of the money," said Pikachu.

"Let's do this!" said Ness energetically, sprinting ahead.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
1st for 7:00 AM Departure_

Lucario walked in the village town hall, took the sign-up sheet and wrote his name on the first slot.

"What about me?" asked Mewtwo.

"What about _you_?" asked Lucario angrily.

Mewtwo whimpered.

_Roy and Snake  
2nd for 7:00 AM Departure_

"Well, we're here," shrugged Roy nonchalantly.

"Second place," cackled Snake demonically, licking his combat blade.

"Isn't he such a nice young man?" asked Roy naively, unaware Snake was currently gutting a Yoshi.

_2:35 AM_

A shot of the jungle in the dark played, birds chirping and howler monkeys could be heard in the distance.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Now we just need to find that Yoshi, and stay with the pack leaders," said Jigglypuff.

_Jigglypuff  
Pre-leg Interview_

"I have deemed three teams as the 'Pack leaders'," explained Jigglypuff. "The teams being Roy and Snake, The twins, and us... we are the three who have been in the front since the beginning, and we are obviously gonna be the last ones standing."

_Roy  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Who do I think will be the last three teams remaining?" asked Roy. "Well, lessee... the frats are idiots... so maybe not them... maybe the twins'll be one of the three top teams... or possibly those rotten kids, Jigglyruff and Rune Sink... I don't think Ness is gonna last for very long, also..."

_Mewtwo  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Who do I think is gonna be the top three teams? Definitely me, and Lucario... probably the frats, and maybe those kids... I really like Ness, though, he seems harmless enough..." added Mewtwo. "Though if I really had to choose, I'd say us, the Frats and Toony's team..."

_Lucario  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Us, and that's all I care about," said Lucario angrily.

_Toon Link  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Are you really asking me this?" asked Toon Link.

...

"Fine, us, the Father and son, and probably the stupid twins. Okay? Leave me alone."

_Snake  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Us, the twins, and the frats," snarled Snake aggressively. "HANDS DOWN."

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Hey, you hear that?" asked Ness, cupping his hand over his left ear.

A faint Yoshi call could be heard.

"Follow the noise," said Pikachu wisely.

And follow the noise they did.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

Toon Link was starting to snore, having slept for about a good hour now.

"Hmmm, it's just 2:47 AM," noticed Jigglypuff, humming the song Wonderwall to herself.

She searched the edge of the swamp, not wishing to actually head inward, through the muddy dark territory.

"Maybe we should move further east, like Ness and Pi- well, just Ness." Jigglypuff told herself.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Ugh, this is the worst, any more of this and I'm about to call it quits 'till it's morning," mumbled Falcon.

"But if we give up, we'll fall behind and get eliminated for sure!" panicked Ganondorf.

"But I'm really tired," complained Falcon, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

_Ness and Pikachu_

They came across a Yoshi, which was one of the five carrying the clues.

"Dude, sweet!" said Ness excitedly, accepting the clue gratefully.

"I can't believe it, our dedication paid off, finally," mused Pikachu with a smirk.

"Man, this single menial task took us a good hour and a half..." panted Ness, wiping his forehead in relief.

"Teams must now sign up for one of one... I mean, two departure times inside the Yoshi village hall." read Ness excitedly.

"Let's go!" said Pikachu.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Gosh, we sure are screwed," admitted Jigglypuff.

"Maybe if you weren't so incompetent..." muttered Toon Link rebelliously.

"Okay, I've had just about enough of you." said Jigglypuff angrily. "Shut up or you'll regret it."

Toon Link said nothing.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Ugh, what is that smell?" asked Falcon wearily, holding his nose.

"I dunno dude, but it's hardcore," coughed Ganondorf, gagging.

They had found the place where Snake disposed of the dead Yoshi body after murdering it.

"Let's leave this place, gettin' sick just bein' here..." choked Falcon.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"If we don't find the clue soon, I don't know what I'll do," sighed Jigglypuff.

"We're gonna be eliminated no matter what, we're so far behind," replied Toon Link, "Nothing's gonna matter now..."

"Think positively, or do I have to sing King Dedede's big musical hit again?" reminded Jigglypuff.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Last for 7:00 AM Departure_

"We're last for the departure, I think things are really looking up for us," said Pikachu happily.

Ness wrote his name and Pikachu's down.

"You know you don't have to write Pikachu's name, right?" asked the cameraman.

Ness slowly took a deep breath.

"How many times..." said Ness angrily. "Do I have to tell you... that he has rights?"

"I know that, I meant they know you'll be with him," said the cameraman nervously.

"Oh," said Ness.

...

The film suddenly sped up, and while it was running at twice the normal speed, it showed the two remaining teams finally finding the clue and signing in.

_At the Campsite_

"Tomorrow we're going on some expedition crap," said Lucario, "So we need to stick with our tour guide..."

The camera panned, showing the sleeping faces of Toon Link, Falcon and Ganondorf.

"Wow, this food is really, really great..." mumbled Jigglypuff chomping down loads of food.

"I will not sleep, for that is when the human is at its weakest... and besides, it's not like you need sleep, right?" asked Snake, sitting in a remote corner of the campsite.

On the other side of camp, Ness was shaking Falcon awake.

"What is it?" asked Falcon sleepily.

"Hey, I know what's gonna happen tomorrow, and I want to form a short alliance with you guys," explained Ness.

"Why...?" queried Falcon, rubbing at his eyes tiredly.

"Well, seeing as the Twins are douche bags, nobody even likes Toony and Jiggly, and the Father/son combo seem to be a threa-"

"I understand," grumbled Falcon.

"So you're in?" asked Ness.

"Yes, fine, let me sleep..." muttered Falcon, turning over.

_7:00 AM  
First Time Departure_

Ness and Pikachu, Roy and Snake, & Mewtwo and Lucario opened their next clues.

"You must now follow the expedition tour guide..." read Ness, Roy and Mewtwo.

"...To your next destination, where you will receive your next clue!" finished Ness, Snake and Lucario.

"I thought we all agreed on having just Roy and Mewtwo reading the second half," asked Lucario.

"...What about Pikachu, huh? Huh? Something wrong with him?" asked Ness.

"We're not talking about him, you were reading out loud, dude," said Mewtwo, confused.

"But... that was Pikachu reading out loud..." said Ness, perplexed.

"Trust me, it wasn't," said Snake. "Then again, don't trust me, because that will be a fatal mistake that will cost you your life, plebeian..."

Ness looked more than confused.

"The tour will now begin," said a Koopa in a monotonous voice.

Mewtwo, Roy, Snake and Lucario followed the Koopa tour guide without a second thought.

"Should we wait for the Frats and make the possibility of getting a low rank, or do we move on without them and possibly get first?" asked Pikachu diplomatically.

Ness stood there, thinking.

The camera dramatically panned from the sleeping forms of the Frats and kids, then to the slow but fading forms of the father/son and Twins. This repeated several times, no editing cutting out anything whatsoever.

"We will... move on," said Ness, following after the other two teams and the tour guide.

_Ness  
Interview_

"Do I regret ditching the frats after supposedly meeting with them that morning? I do, but it's all about survival of the fittest now, not Dora the Explorer." explained Ness.

_Roy and Snake_

"Okay, we just need to follow this guy, and bingo, we have our next clue... this is so simple!" said Snake.

"Yes, you'd think they'd purposely make it more difficult just so we'd have more to do..." added Roy.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Gosh, this task is a piece of cake... what's the catch?" wondered Mewtwo aloud, following the Father and son from a respectable distance.

"Dunno," shrugs Lucario, uncaring. "I just wanna stay in to the end..."

In the gloom, swamplands lay ahead.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"I feel bad for ditching the frats like that, I hope they're with us for the final three!" said Pikachu hopefully.

"I wholeheartedly agree, man," nodded Ness.

They noticed the swamps up ahead.

"Oh no, not this again," groaned Ness.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Huh, guess the trek makes us go through the swamps, I feel like biting my tongue," grumbled Mewtwo.

"I'll bite yours for you," said Lucario.

Everyone stared.

"That di-didn't come out right..." mumbled Lucario.

_Roy and Snake_

"Do you think we're gonna see the roadblock or detour anytime soon?" asked Snake.

"Well, probably not, this leg has taken already a day to complete, and no Detour, Roadblock or Fast forward or anything of the sort," lamented Roy.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"We decided to leave hints on where to go," explained Ness, "For the frats. It's risky, but we're taking that risk..."

Ness dropped a piece of cloth.

_Roy and Snake_

"If I could pick the most annoying leg in the race, I would definitely pick this one," grumbled Roy. "I mean, we're in first, but my god, are we even going to get to the Roadblock? Where's the detour? What's with all this searching?"

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Man, it's hard keeping up," said Pikachu, treking through the thick mud.

"I don't even know if we're actually still with the tour guide..." sighed Ness.

"God, this leg has been just one long journey," said Pikachu.

"Wait... I think I see a clearing up ahead..." said Ness.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Is... that what I think it is?" asked Mewtwo, several minutes later.

"It is!" said Lucario, covered in dirt and grime, both sprinting for the clue box.

_Roy and Snake_

"What are they seeing?" asked Snake. "They're running."

"Don't let them get away!" cried Roy dramatically, the two pursuing them.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"...My legs hurt too much to run, I'll just fast walk over there..." muttered Ness, high-strung.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Finally, back to the basics!" said Mewtwo excitedly, ripping open the next clue. "Detour! Make for It or Break for It! Warning, Blind U-Turn ahead!"

_"A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons!" explained Koopa. "The choice; Swim with the Fishies or Hunting for the Beasties!"_

_"In Swim with the Fishies, teams have to swim with the dangerously carnivorous native fishes of Yoshi Island! They must enter a nearby lake and may use any methods to capture five fishes, each a different species! Teams that know how to use their heads in order to accomplish things will find this actually an easy task!"_

_"In Hunting for the Beasties, teams have to take only two guns, a Model 1887 and a Hunting Rifle, and they must successfully hunt down one Carnotaurus, a dinosaur species rediscovered on this island! This sounds simple enough, but the Carnotaurus is 26 feet in length and has a nasty bite, meaning things might be a little difficult if teams aren't careful!"_

_"A U-Turn appears at the end of a detour. Teams can use the U-Turn to slow down another team, forcing them to backtrack, and perform the other side of the detour. But in a new twist, this is what's known as a blind U-Turn! Previously, when teams forced another team to U-turn, they had to post their own picture as the perpetrators. Now, they can remain anonymous! However, teams must choose when it is most strategically viable to use their U-Turning abilities, because they can only use it once, and there are only __**five U-Turns**__ on this race, with this being the fourth. This is also the last Blind U-Turn."_

"Finally, our efforts of staying in the lead will be rewarded!" smiled Lucario, victoriously.

"I know, right?" sighed Mewtwo in relief. "...Wait..."

"Dammit, we've already U-Turned," cursed Lucario. "Well, we still need to beat everyone else there, especially the father and son, they seem to have a knack for bad luck on us whenever they're near."

"So what task?" asked Mewtwo, "I picked last time, it's your turn..."

"Damn straight. I say we do Swim with the Fishies, you'd be hopping mad to do the other Detour." said Lucario, with disdain.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Now to familiar rules," said Roy. "Detour, Swim with the Fishies or Hunt for the Beasties? Warning, Blind U-Turn ahead! "

"Hunting for sure, that's one of my many talents." said Snake casually.

"Not only that, but we've been meaning to hunt together ever since we met for the first time in our lives since you were a kid which was one week before the race started!" said Roy excitedly.

"Awesome, two birds, one rocket launcher," analogized Snake, poorly.

"Actually, it's two birds, one stone..." said Roy, still smiling.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Detour!" read Ness. "Swim with the Fishies, or Hunt for the Beasties? Warning, Blind U-Turn ahead!"

"Okay, both are extremely dangerous, but this'll be a no-brainer." said Pikachu.

"Yeah, Swim with the Fishies, I say, because we only have to walk 60 yards that way and just catch five fish, not that hard." said Ness, smirking.

"Too bad we U-Turned the apes way back when in leg two..." said Pikachu.

_"We saw the monkeys go into the ranch not long after we walked out, so we're gonna take some insurance…" said Ness. "I see the U-Turn, run Pika!"_

_The two of them ran fifty yards and onto the U-Turn mat._

_"We choose to U-Turn DK and Diddy Kong!" said Pikachu, while Ness pasted DK and Diddy's picture on the board._

_"Now we surely aren't gonna be eliminated!" chuckled Ness._

"Yeah, that was back when we were happy with just not being eliminated," explained Pikachu. "Now we're going for the first place prize!"

"I still feel bad about what we did to the apes back then, they were one of the nicer racers." said Ness. "But hey, it's a race."

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Swim with the Fishies_

"Where's the lake again? Oh, right there," said Mewtwo, strolling towards the lake in a casual and calm fashion.

The lake was of a good size, and on the other side a wall cut it off. A waterfall converged with the lake on the same side.

"Hah, this'll be a breeze," said Lucario, bursting with confidence that the leg was somewhat coming to an end.

A Yoshi nearby tossed some dead trout carcasses into the pool that lay in front of the Twins.

Suddenly, several fishes bobbed out of the water, and began eating the dead bait.

Mewtwo and Lucario grinned.

Then an army of piranhas showed up from deeper down in the lake and ate the fishes in seconds.

Mewtwo frowned, while Lucario's grin became a smile.

Then a random, unidentified shark swallowed about half the piranhas whole.

Several barracudas then attacked the piranhas and the lone shark.

"Okay, so maybe not going to be such a walk in the park," said Lucario. "However, there's more than one way to skin a cat."

Mewtwo's eyes widened in horror.

"Relax, it's a figure of speech." said Lucario simply.

"Um, okay... Let's just come up with a fool-proof plan to get us these five types of fish." sighed Mewtwo, shaking his head.

"Okay, since we have telekinesis, this'll be remarkably easier for us than, say, Ness or the frats..." chuckled Lucario. "So we should exaggerate this. Also, maybe we can... wait... I thought of a way to kill two birds with one stone! We can foil those stupid kids, and we can also get this done!"

"How so?" asked Mewtwo eagerly.

"Well, all we need is.." Lucario walked up to Mewtwo. "Psspspspspspsssspss..."

...

"All you did was say, ' Psspspspspspsssspss...'..." said Mewtwo, confused.

"Fine, I'll repeat it, I said we get someone else to do the dirty work for us, like the frats or the father and son." said Lucario. "Yeah, most likely the father and son..."

"You think it'll work?" asked Mewtwo.

"Hell yeah it will!" said Lucario. "Who is the most hated team as of this leg?"

"...Us...?" asked Mewtwo.

"No, the kids! All we need is to bribe another team to U-Turn them, and that'll keep 'em in the back long enough to be eliminated!" said Lucario.

"Okay, but the Frats like them, and Ness doesn't exactly hate them either..." added Mewtwo nervously.

"Yeah, well, maybe Roy and his idiotic son will do it, then," said Lucario. "How about this? We bribe Ness to bribe the father and son to eliminate them, so that way it looks like Ness was the mastermind."

"How would we convince Ness to do it?" asked Mewtwo.

"Oh, you'll see... Now let's just come up with a fool-proof way to do the task now..." said Lucario.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Swim with the Fishies_

"Dude, we totally need to use our brains for this task..." said Pikachu.

"Okay, well when in doubt, think of pop culture," said Ness. "What did they do in Jaws?"

"Never saw it." said Pikachu.

"Are you kidding me? It's a great movie. Anyways, they made some form of a cage... So we should do that also!" said Ness.

"Okay, how about you get the materials, I'll draw it out!" said Pikachu wisely.

"Yeah, we'll get it done twice as fast!" agreed Ness.

Pikachu sat on a rock next to the darkened lake, beginning to sketch out their plans. Meanwhile Ness headed out into the more thicker wooded areas of the sweltering jungle.

_Roy and Snake  
Hunt for the Beasties_

Snake casually picked up the Model 1887 and began reloading it.

"This task is a walk in the park," chuckled Snake sadistically, aiming down the barrel.

"You want the rifle or the shotgun?" asked Roy.

"Take the Model, I'm more suited to the rifle," said Snake calmly, handing him the Model 1887.

"Remember, there's that U-Turn, so we have to do this fast," reminded Roy fatherly-esque.

"Don't remind me, I know," growled Snake, aiming down the sights of the rifle.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Swim with the Fishies_

"I need to find some tough wood to do this task," said Ness to the camera.

Mewtwo seemed to come out of nowhere, from behind Ness.

"Need some help, Ness?" asked Mewtwo, almost sympathetically.

"Um, sure," said Ness, a little confused. "So which task, are you like, doing?"

"The same one as you," said Mewtwo in a casual tone.

"Cool... something you need?" asked Ness, picking up sturdy pieces of wood.

"Actually, yes. Have you noticed anyone who's been in the front alot?" asked Mewtwo, helping Ness in his duty. "Someone who has never seemed to drop lower than third place?"

"Huh, now that you mention it, I do. Toony and Jiggly, they always seem to succeed in being up there in the ranks..." mused Ness.

"Yeah. They are probably the biggest contenders for the million dollars, aren't they?" asked Mewtwo cautiously.

"Yeah, last leg I was just about to claim first place for the first time, but because of those guys I was pushed into second!" said Ness indignantly.

"Maybe we should do something about it..." lamented Mewtwo.

"I know just the thing," said Ness. "I left a trail for the frats to follow, and hopefully they cover it up so stupid Toony and stupid Jiggly don't see it!"

"Good, but it might not work. What else could we do to stop them?" asked Mewtwo.

"We could convince someone else to eliminate them," said Ness, a gleam in his eye.

Mewtwo smiled inwardly, his plan having done its job.

"Like the father and son, or maybe the frats..." whispered Mewtwo.

"Leave it to me, Mewtwo, old buddy," said Ness evilly.

"Oh, I will," cackled Mewtwo evilly.

Both went back to their team mates, the discussion being over.

_Roy and Snake  
Hunt for the Beasties_

"Alright, we need to bait the trap," explained Snake. "First we kill a smaller creature, one that won't be so difficult to kill, preferably a herbivore. Then, that's when the bigger one will come. Then, we kill it. It's fool proof."

"Sounds simple, but will it be simple?" asked Roy wisely.

"Oh, it will..." cackled Snake evilly.

They both set off with the guns on their backs.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Swim with the Fishies_

"Worked like a charm," commented Mewtwo, before Lucario even started to ask.

"Okay, now we complete the task... First we bribe that Yoshi over there to throw in some bait. Then we watch for the gore fest to begin. Then we simply use our powers to grab the fish and identify it. Then repeat four more times. Finis." said Lucario, grinning.

"Great, we have Ness fired up to eliminate those kids, so while the two are busy picking each other off, we're gonna have those frats desperate to stay in, maybe enough so to make them U-Turn the kids. Probably our biggest threat now, is that pesky father and son... but they'll get what they deserve, oh, they will..." stated Mewtwo.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Swim with the Fishies_

"Okay, I'm back, Pikachu. Here's some wood, for the cage." said Ness, dumping the wood next to his team mate.

"What took so long? I was waiting for you. Anyways, here's the rope they provided us with." said Pikachu, handing over the rope.

"I was... getting lots of wood," said Ness.

"I can see that. Now tie the wood together in a cage-like formation, okay?" asked Pikachu. "Imma finish these plans."

Ness began doing just that.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Swim with the Fishies_

"It's 7:56 AM, we have four minutes until the other two teams are released," said Lucario.

"We have to complete this is we want to be in the front like we've been dreaming," mused Mewtwo.

They threw in the bait.

"We just need to wait for the fish to go crazy," said Mewtwo. "It's out of our hands now..."

_8:00 AM  
Last time Departure_

"Dude, we are sooo screwed," said Toon Link. "No point in even trying..."

"One million dollars, think of the money," reminded Jigglypuff.

"Yeah, I guess this isn't so bad," sighed Toon Link.

"Okay bro, remember what Ness said," reminded Falcon.

"I know, I know..." sighed Falcon.

"Follow the tour guide," said Jigglypuff to her team mate, as she and Toon Link walked off.

"Okay, don't follow them, just hang around here for awhile," whispered Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Hunt for the Beasties_

Roy and Snake had bagged a huge herbivore, and began tying it down so the Carnotaurus wouldn't take off with the meal.

"Good, tie the other leg down, too," said Snake.

"So all we do now is wait for the said dinosaur to come along and then we have our clue?" asked Roy.

"Yep, simple as that." replied Snake happily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Swim with the Fishies_

"The fish are really going at it, let's grab some now," said Mewtwo.

Lucario grabbed two, while Mewtwo grabbed two.

"Well, I got the wrong fish, but that doesn't mean we should waste it," said Mewtwo, smacking his lips at the fish hungrily.

Lucario simply threw his back in.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Swim with the Fishies_

"Okay, the cage is ready, and now we're making a dive for it," said Ness happily, putting his mask on.

"You know what? You go for it, I'll be your moral support," explained Pikachu, looking anxious.

"Whatever you say, I'm going in!" said Ness, him and the assistant Yoshi placing the cage next to the water. Ness got inside, then the Yoshi closed it in on him.

"Now, if you see the line shaking rapidly, pull up," Ness said to the Yoshi.

The Yoshi tied the end to a nearby tree stump. The Yoshi shoved then shoved it into the water.

Ness had brought with him a spear to stab the correct fishes with.

He immediately came across a piranha, one of the five correct fish.

He stabbed it. One down, four to go, he thought.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Okay, we just need to have lots of confidence and a lotta luck if we're gonna stay in!" said Jigglypuff, bursting with optimism.

"God, will this leg ever end?" screamed Toon Link in desperation.

"I don't know, but I'm having a blast!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Dude, where is he?" asked Falcon nervously, "He should have been here by now!"

"Well, maybe he- Wait, do you see that?" said Ganondorf, pointing to a note taped to a tree.

Ganondorf tore it down and read aloud: "Dear Frats, Me and Pikie decided to go ahead and leave, but we left a trail for you to follow. It will take the correct route and you won't have to follow that slow old Koopa. Good luck! -Ness."

"Well, there it is," said Falcon, pointing to the piece of cloth, "Let's go catch up!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We've bagged our Carnotaurus," explained Roy. "Snake had to take his lucky combat knife out and impale it in the head of the beast."

"We need to go to the foot of Raphael Raven's tree and that's where the U-Turn mat is!" said Snake excitedly.

"Okay, let's hurry, the other teams could be nearby," replied Roy.

They scurried off, into the forest in a rabid attempt to beat everyone else to the U-Turn mat.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Swim with the Fishies_

Ness already had three fish out of five, all he needed was the last two and the hardest ones, both carnivores.

Pikachu watched from safety, sweating profusely.

"I hope he's alright," panicked Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Swim with the Fishies_

"Just need... one... more!" said Lucario, the final fish in sight. He actually jumped into the lake, swam furiously for the fish, grabbed the dead carcass, and started swimming back for land.

Dramatic Jaws music began, and a fin slowly poked out of the water, in pursuit of Lucario.

"Ohmigod, Lucario! The shark is behind you!" screamed Mewtwo, jumping up and down in panic.

Lucario doggedly panted, swimming as fast as his body's physical limitation would go.

"Damn you, Jaws music!" screamed Lucario, his left hand touching land.

Mewtwo was just helping Lucario out of the water when the biggest shark either had ever seen snapped it's head out of the water and chomped down on Lucario's right leg.

"GODDAMN IT HURTS" screamed Lucario, his leg almost sawed off the rest of his body.

The Yoshi unloaded both slugs out of his handy dandy Double barreled shotgun.

The shark died, but the jaws remained clamped shut on his right leg.

"Oh, god, kill me now," simpered Lucario, actually crying.

"Don't worry, bro, I'll get you outta there!" cried out Mewtwo, immediately at his brother's side.

The Yoshi assistant ran off to go get first-aid for Lucario.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Swim with the Fishies_

Ness' cage had been shattered in the fiasco, and they used the rope to pull Ness up, the only thing remaining was Ness, the rope and two pieces of wood somehow still pieced together.

"God, it's crazy down there," muttered Ness, handing the five speared fishes to the Yoshi and in turn getting the clue directing where the U-Turn was.

"Okay, the U-Turn is at the foot of Raphael Raven's huge tree..." read Ness. "...blah blah blah, made it's appearance in Paper Mario, let's go."

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"I feel sorry for poor Lucario, he's not gonna be after us for a while," mused Pikachu.

"Better for us," smirked Ness jerkishly.

"Cruel, but honestly put," noted Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Oh, it hurts," moaned Lucario, gripping Mewtwo's arm.

"It's gonna be okay, I have the next clue right here," soothed Mewtwo.

"Yeah, we're almost done, we'll be outta here before those kids can even show up, right?" asked Lucario weakly.

"Yep, and they'll be eliminated... hopefully..." muttered Mewtwo.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Man, what happened to the frats?" asked Toon Link nervously. "You think they are ahead of us? They found a way around the swamp?"

"I hope not," admitted Jigglypuff. "If they did, I'll be amazed on how they did it without us knowing."

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Me and Falcon... have been sprinting all out because the trail is already laid down for us," explained Ganondorf.

"HYESZ!" said Falcon, doing his trademark catchphrase.

"We're definitely going to beat the kids there," smirked Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We've reached the U-Turn," monotoned Snake to the camera.

Him and his father touched down on the mat.

"Should we U-Turn?" asked Roy. "We're already in the lead, and there's still another U-Turn in another leg at some point..."

"Nah, we choose not to U-Turn," said Snake to the camera. He took the next clue. "Teams must now pick one of five departure times at random up in Raphael Raven's nest."

_"Teams will now, for a second time, draw for a second time departure for later in the day! The Four departure times are: 5:00 PM, 5:15 PM, 5:30 PM, and 5:55 PM! They will have to approach Raphael Raven, who will then give them a question about Yoshi Island, and if they answer the question correctly, they get to choose their Departure time! If they answer the question incorrectly, they will have to randomly draw for their departure time!" explained Koopa Troopa._

"Awesome, we just need to go inside the tree and walk up the entire set of stairs, and we reach this Raven guy," said Roy. "Simple enough..."

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're still on our way... to the giant tree of Raphael Raven..." panted Ness, sprinting with Pikachu in tow.

"I'm hoping that the father and son got delayed so we can get to that U-Turn first and convince them to U-Turn Jiggly and Toony!" explained Pikachu.

"We are coming to a clearing!" said Ness.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Want me to read you the clue?" asked Mewtwo nervously, fidgeting.

"Yes," panted Lucario, bleeding heavily, still forcibly stationary by the shark.

The Yoshi returned, with a first aid kit and a chainsaw.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you sure that's a wise idea, dude?" asked Mewtwo.

"No, but it's better than nothing," replied the Yoshi, revving up the chainsaw.

"Well, can't argue with that..." reasoned Mewtwo.

The Yoshi plunged the chainsaw into the shark, and went at it.

Mewtwo was splattered in shark blood.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Man, this tour takes forever..." muttered Jigglypuff.

"I know, right?" asked Toon Link.

"Well, I think we're near our destination," noticed Jigglypuff, seeing the swamp clearing up further ahead.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"We... have been... running... for so long..." panted Ganondorf heavily.

"I think we passed up the kids," explained Falcon, running with ease, "Ganondorf's not much of a runner..."

"Be quiet... I can... run just fine..." choked Ganondorf, sweating profusely.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We've passed the swamplands," said Toon Link calmly.

"Hallelujah," cheered Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

The two successful racers reached the top of the tree, and walked out of the inside of the tree onto a humongous branch.

Snake and Roy approached the enormous Raven, which was perched on the world's largest nest.

"Hello, welcome to Yoshi's Island," said Raphael Raven. "I will now tell you your question... ahem, how long have you been on this island? A.) 8 Hours, B.) 108 Days (shameful Lost reference), C.) 9 Hours, D.) 8 Hours, 42 Minutes?"

"Hmmm, good thing I always keep track of random stuff like so, due to my OCD!" said Snake, holding up a sheet of paper, with random writings. "It's D!"

"Correct," said the Raven, who moved off his nest so the two racers could choose their time departure.

"Hmmm," said Roy, looking at the time departures, 5:00, 5:15, 5:30 & 5:55.

He reached for the 5:15.

"DAD!" yelled Snake.

"What is it, son?" asked Roy, confused.

"Don't forget to check for explosives," chastised Snake.

"Gotcha." Roy was just about to pick up the 5:15, when he noticed the 5:00.

_Roy and Snake  
1st for Departure; 5:00 PM_

"Looks like we've taken the lead again," said Snake, showing the camera their pass.

"We're unstoppable! And we haven't made a mistake to get us penalized so far!" said Roy excitedly.

"Suck on that, Frats!" said Snake childishly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We cannot U-Turn because we've already used our powers in leg two," explained Ness.

"Second here, I bet the father and son has beaten us," sighed Pikachu.

"Make your way to Raphael Raven's nest, so you may pick one of five departure times at random up in Raphael Raven's nest, after answering a question." read Ness.

"Alright, let's leave here," said Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Alrighty," said the Yoshi, putting the finishing touches to Lucario's leg cast, "Try not to run too much now, otherwise you'll lose that leg."

"But this is a race I'm in!" protested Lucario angrily. "I have to be able to use it!"

"Hey, it's not my problem, just don't run on that thing too much," explained the Yoshi in a calm tone.

"But we have to move from here, fast!" said Lucario urgently, his voice rising in a panic.

"Here, howsabout I make it up to you by driving you to Raphael Raven's place?" asked the Yoshi.

"Gee, thanks," said Lucario, sarcastically.

"Gee, thanks," said Mewtwo, genuinely.

"Okay, wait here and I'll get my jeep working." said the Yoshi.

"By the way, what's your name, so we know what to call you?" asked Mewtwo.

"Fred," said the Yoshi.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

The two exhausted and worn out frats burst through the nearby clearing, and took the clue.

"Detour, Swim with the Fishies or Hunt for the Beasties?" read Falcon.

"Hey, look- It's the twins! Hey guys! Are the tasks hard? Are the other teams still here? And are you guys still on the detour?" asked Falcon and Ganondorf simultaneously.

"Um, yes, no and no," answered Mewtwo.

"What happened to you, Luke?" asked Ganondorf. "You look like a mess..."

Mewtwo took the spear Ness had impaled several fish on, and began munching on them.

"They aren't half bad," explained Mewtwo between bites, still covered in the shark's blood.

"Yeah, we had an incident," explained Mewtwo, "That's all we're sayin... oh, do Swim with the Fishies... It's reeeeeeeally easy!"

"Um, okay!" said Falcon, following his team mate. "What are you supposed to do?"

"You jump into that lake and see how long you can... hold your breath!" lied Mewtwo, still eating the fish.

"Wow, this is fun!" said Ganondorf.

"Oh, it will be," cackled Mewtwo evilly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Do you hear something?" asked Jigglypuff to Toon Link.

"No, why?" asked Toon Link, stretching.

"I think I can hear voices... it sounds like they're cackling, very evilly..." mused Jigglypuff.

"Must be your imagination," laughed Toon Link.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're here!" said Ness to Raphael Raven.

"You must answer the following question, before you can collect your clue: What is the famous Yoshi saying? A.) Yoshi. B.) Yoshi! C.) YOSHI!1"

"Uh, we say it's Answer A!" said Ness.

"Incorrect," said Raphael.

"What? That's so lame!" yelled Ness angrily.

"You must now draw randomly." said Raphael, mixing up the time departures in the nest.

Ness randomly picked his time departure, which turned out to be the 5:30 PM departure.

_Ness and Pikachu  
3rd for Departure; 5:30 PM_

"This sucks," complained Ness to Pikachu.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Okay, are you ready, Fred?" asked Lucario, gripping his crutch.

"Yessiree," replied the Yoshi, revving up the car. He likes revving up lots of things, two of them being chainsaws and jeeps.

The jeep drove off, with them in it.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Swim with the Fishies_

"We're lucky we realized the types of fish in that lake before we went in, we would've been killed in just half a minute!" said Falcon in relief.

"You said it! Those twins are real jackasses, they could've murdered us!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Well, maybe we can create some sort of device to use from a safe distance to catch the fish!" said Falcon. "Like... like..."

Falcon pulled out several sticks of dynamite.

"...Dynamite," laughed Falcon and Ganondorf evilly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"THE CLUE BOX!" cried out Toon Link in huge relief.

"After all this, it is so good to see that clue box," explained Jigglypuff to the camera.

"Detour, Swim with the Fishies, or Hunt for the Beasties!" read Toon Link, with a newfound zeal.

"We should totally Swim with the Fishies!" said Jigglypuff, smiling proudly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Once we get there, can you please help me carry my brother to the location?" asked Mewtwo nicely.

"Sure thing," said the Yoshi willingly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Swim with the Fishies_

Falcon and Ganondorf cartoonishly kept throwing dynamite into the lake, killing just about all the fish in the lake.

They collected the carcasses with ease, seeing as all of them were dead.

"Dude, just get into the lake, they're all dead," said Ganondorf.

"What if there's one still hiding in there?" asked Falcon nervously.

"Come on, they're all dead, okay?" sighed Ganondorf.

"Well... okay," said Falcon, lowering himself into the water.

"Just find a piranha carcass, that's the last one we need..." explained Ganondorf.

"Okay, alright," said Falcon, tense.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Swim with the Fishies_

"Hey guys! We thought we'd left you in the dust awhiles back..." chuckled Toon Link.

Falcon and Ganondorf stared at him.

Toon Link looked down.

"Wow, thanks guys, you made the task easy on both of us!" said Jigglypuff, noticing the dead carcasses floating on the top of the pool of water.

This comment made Falcon and Ganondorf pick up the dead bodies even faster.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Okay, we're here," noted Mewtwo in a depressed manner.

Fred and Mewtwo lifted Lucario, and carried him onto the mat.

"We cannot U-Turn because of the fact that we U-Turned back in leg five, after that really epic footrace..." reminisced Mewtwo.

Lucario took the clue and ripped it open.

"Go to the top of the tree in front of you, and climb the sets of stairs and you will eventually reach Rapahel, blah blah blah, let's go," said Mewtwo.

"Can't help you guys from here, good luck though," said Fred the Yoshi, driving off back towards the village.

Mewtwo, Lucario's arm wrapped around him and leaning on him for the support, led his brother inside the tree.

"Oh... my... god..." said Lucario, noticing the wraparound stairs spanning up the entire tree.

"This'll take awhile..." sighed Mewtwo in desperation.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"It says where the U-Turn is," said Falcon, nervously looking back towards their competitors, the kids.

"Let's leave already!" cried Ganondorf desperately, the two stumbling off into the jungle in a feeble attempt to stay ahead of the other team.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay, U-Turn is at Raphael Raven's place!" explained Toon Link. "Follow the Frats!"

Jigglypuff and her team mate, Toon Link took off after the frats.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Let's leave a dummy trail!" said Ganondorf.

"Good idea," said Falcon, running in a separate direction for a good half a minute, then met back up with Ganondorf.

The two began running in the right direction.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Look! Two trails!" said Jigglypuff.

"Which one do we follow?" asked Toon Link.

"The left one," said Jigglypuff.

High-pitched string music played.

They followed the left one.

"This one ends, it was a dummy trail..." said Toon Link.

They began following the correct one.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Okay, we're here," said Ganondorf. "Do we U-Turn?"

"You know, it's times like this when our character is tested to see if we crumble under pressure, and destroy our friends and our very selves, but it's times like these where we can also prove how good-willed we are; so we are at an ethical dilemma...To U-Turn, or not to U-Turn?" replied Falcon whimsically.

...

"We choose to U-Turn the kids, Toon Link and Jigglypuff..." said Falcon after a moment of very awkward silence.

They pasted the faces of the said people onto the U-Turn board without having to post theirs.

"And we don't even have to say we're the ones who did it!" said Ganondorf with glee.

They ran inside the tree, hearing hushed voices.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"See that tree, higher than all the others, in the distance?" asked Toon Link.

"Yeah?" said Jigglypuff.

"That's our next destination," explained Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Huff... we're getting there," panted Lucario, his leg having hindered any attempt on scaling the stairs any faster.

"Does it ever end?" asked Mewtwo, sweating heavily from holding his own weight combined with Lucario's.

The Frats passed them up.

"Hey guys, having trouble?" laughed Falcon.

"Yes," grunted Lucario angrily.

"Don't worry, the kids are on their way now," explained Ganondorf.

"HOW THE HELL IS THAT A GOOD THING?" screamed Mewtwo and Lucario.

"We U-Turned them," added Falcon annoyingly.

Mewtwo and Lucario stared at them.

"Really?" asked Mewtwo. "For real?"

"Yeah," said Falcon.

"Thank you so much," said Mewtwo. "You have no idea how rough we've had it..."

"Anytime," said Falcon, as he and Ganondorf bounded towards the top of the stairs.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
U-Turned_

"We've been U-Turned!" screamed Toon Link in horror.

"We have to go back!" yelled Jigglypuff, as she and her team mate double-timed it all the way back to the other side of the island.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"You must first answer this question: How many racers left are there?" asked Raphael.

"Um, 10?" replied Falcon, unsure.

"Correct," chimed Raphael, moving from his nest.

They chose the 5:15 PM card.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
2nd for Departure; 5:15 PM_

"Okay, we're back in the front again..." said Ganondorf in relief.

_Thirty minutes later..._

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay, we need to go back to the U-Turn, now, and then we will be able to move onwards..." mused Jigglypuff.

"You think we still have a chance?" asked Toon Link.

"No," said Jigglypuff.

Toon Link looked a little surprised.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"We're almost there, man!" said Mewtwo encouragingly to his weak-willed brother.

They were what would be if it were in a straight line, 10 yards away, but it was on a wraparound stairwell, increasing the length.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Hurry, Hurry!" yelled Jigglypuff, running past Toon Link who was slowing down from exhaustion.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"There's little time, man, we gots to keep movin'," whispered Mewtwo encouragingly to his lame brother.

"I don't think I'll make it," wheezed Lucario, almost to his breaking point.

"Just... keep... moving," continued Mewtwo.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Hurry hurry hurry hurry" said Jigglypuff and Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

They were 10 yards away from reaching the top entrance.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Hurry hurry hurry hurry" said Jigglypuff and Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

They were 9 yards away from reaching the top entrance.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Hurry hurry hurry hurry" said Jigglypuff and Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

They were 8 yards away from reaching the top entrance.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Hurry hurry hurry hurry" said Jigglypuff and Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

They were 7 yards away from reaching the top entrance.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Hurry hurry hurry hurry" said Jigglypuff and Toon Link, passing the U-Turn.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

They were 6 yards away from reaching the top entrance.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Hurry hurry hurry hurry" said Jigglypuff and Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

They were 5 yards away from reaching the top entrance.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff passed them.

"NOOOOOOOO!1" screamed the Twins.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"You must answer this question before you can move on: Who reached this location first?" asked Raphael Raven.

"Ummm... Ness?" asked Toon Link.

"WRONG-O!" yelled Raphael.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff drew the 5:55 PM card.

Mewtwo and Lucario took the last card, which was 5:30 PM.

_"All teams have a time departure! The first team to depart is Roy and Snake, at 5:00 PM, Falcon and Ganondorf at 5:15 PM, Mewtwo and Lucario & Ness and Pikachu at 5:30 PM, and finally Toon Link and Jigglypuff at 5:55 PM!"_

_At the Campsite_

"Gosh, we have had really rotten luck," sighed Toon Link sadly.

"Tomorrow we're having that roadblock, I'm sure of it," said Roy to Ness.

"Not long now, this leg is about over," told Lucario to Mewtwo.

"Think the kids are goners?" asked Mewtwo.

"You bet, if everyone stays ahead," smirked Lucario egotistically. "By the way, thanks for the encouragement, bro."

Mewtwo smiled.

Jigglypuff and Ness slept, while everyone else conversed or was a stuffed animal so they couldn't.

_5:00 PM  
First Departure_

"We're out!" said Roy to his son. "I feel great!"

"Maybe we'll stay in first to the end, this leg," said Snake with relief.

"Okay, here's our clue," exclaimed Roy, as the next clue was handed to them. "Roadblock! Who's willing to go on the ultimate obstacle course?"

_"A Roadblock is a task only one person may perform! In this Roadblock, one person from each team must quickly speed through this long obstacle course, starting on land, and having it end eventually in the water. Once the person has gone through the entire obstacle course __**once**__, teams will receive their next clue." explained Koopa Troopa._

"I'll do it," said Snake, smiling.

He approached the start of the obstacle course.

He noticed there were 15-minute intervals between obstacle course sign-ups.

"Dammit!" screamed Snake.

_Fifteen minutes later..._

_5:15 PM  
Second Departure_

Falcon and Ganondorf left the campsite and, together with Snake and Roy, signed up for the first attempt on the obstacle course.

"Who'll do it, you or me?" asked Falcon.

"I'll do this one," replied Ganondorf.

"Good luck," stated Falcon cheerfully.

Snake and Ganondorf reached the foot of the obstacle course.

The Yoshi fired the gun, which meant for them to start.

Snake immediately knocked over Ganondorf, and dove through the thin gateway of wood.

Ganondorf picked himself up, climbed over the wooden obstacle, and followed after Snake.

Snake started climbing up a rock wall, Ganondorf quickly in pursuit.

Snake slipped on a rock, and Ganondorf took advantage by tugging on his foot, causing him to fall off, onto the cushions below.

Ganondorf reached the top, and jumped inside the water slide.

Snake appeared over the ledge, and followed after Ganondorf.

The two were sent through the ocean, and ended up being dropped off near a beachside.

The pit stop was 50 yards away.

Ganondorf stood up, and began making a break for the Pit stop.

Snake tackled him in mid-run.

The two were punching and kicking each other, locked in combat.

Falcon and Roy, who were already at the mat, both joined in the fray.

Roy kidney punched Ganondorf, reeling him senseless.

Falcon knocked Roy into the water, forcing him into the ocean water.

Ganondorf regained his senses and touched the mat.

Roy knocked Falcon in the face, actually forcing him onto the mat.

"Falcon and Ganondorf, you are team number **one**!" said Koopa Troopa. "You have won yourselves 1000 dollar gift cards for GameStop!"

"Hooray!" cheered the frats.

"Roy and Snake, you are the second team to arrive," said Koopa.

"Dammit, what is it this time?" asked Roy irritably.

"You stole the other racers' money, especially the frats'," said Koopa.

"That's it?" laughed Snake. "Not because we killed two civilians?"

"Now that we've learned that, your penalty went from five minutes to thirty-five minutes..." said Koopa Troopa.

"Damn it all to hell!" yelled Roy angrily. "Blasphemy!"

The two sat on the side, waiting the penalty out.

_Time remaining: 34:54_

"A fourth penalty for us," said Snake angrily. "This is soooo lame..."

_Nine minutes later..._

_5:30 PM  
Third Departure_

"We're out," said Mewtwo. "Not only us, but Ness also... unfortunately."

"Okay, Pikie, get ready to make a break for it!" said Ness.

Both teams looked at the next clue.

"Roadblock, who is willing to go on the ultimate obstacle course?" read Ness and Lucario.

"I'll do it," said Mewtwo, "Because you need to ease that leg of yours..."

"I'll do it because you're not fit for this kind of stuff!" said Ness arrogantly.

"Drat, both of our teams missed the time slot, we have to wait fifteen minutes until we can go again!" said Lucario.

_Fifteen minutes later..._

_5:45 PM_

"Alright, let's get a move on." said Lucario to his brother. "Get through it quick, the pit stop'll be very close by!"

Mewtwo gave the thumbs-up to his older brother.

_Time remaining 21:33_

The same Yoshi from earlier fired his gun, and Mewtwo and Ness were off.

Mewtwo used his telekinetic powers to smash the boards apart, making an easy path.

Mewtwo reached the rock wall by short distance teleportation, while Ness reached it a few seconds later.

Mewtwo teleported a few feet up every second, while Ness actually climbed the rock wall.

Ness grabbed Mewtwo's tail just before Mewtwo teleported to the top.

They both tumbled down the water slide.

The two genius psychics bit, fought and scratched as they tumbled down the slide.

Ness fell out first, then was landed on by Mewtwo.

They both noticed the Pit stop a mere 50 yards away.

_Time remaining: 19:17_

"NO!" yelled Roy and Snake angrily, seeing the third and fourth teams arriving.

Ness used PK fire to burn Mewtwo's face and make a break for the pit stop.

Mewtwo telekinetically picked up a nearby wood board and hit Ness really, really hard with it.

Ness fell over, knocked out.

Mewtwo approached the mat, but Pikachu's stuffed fluffy body hit Mewtwo in the face somehow.

Ness ran onto the mat.

"Pikie, come on!" called out Ness in desperation.

"I can't... move!" said Pikachu.

Ness got off the mat.

Mewtwo was closing in on the mat.

Ness picked up Pikachu.

Mewtwo tripped, sending sand in Ness' face.

Ness flung Pikachu right onto the mat.

Mewtwo, having broken his right hand from the action, reached out with his left.

Mewtwo's left hand was directly above the mat.

Ness, still blind, stepped on Mewtwo's left hand, forcing it to touch the mat.

"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are the third team to arrive. However, because Roy and Snake are waiting out their penalty still, you are team number _two_!" said Koopa Troopa.

Ness sighed in annoyance.

"Ness and Pikachu, you are the fourth team to arrive, however the-"

"We heard you," said Ness.

"Right. You are officially team number three!" said Koopa Troopa.

_Ness  
After-leg interview_

"Am I upset I lost second to the twins in a close race? Yes, I am. But will I try even harder next time? If you're thinking no, then you're wrong." said Ness, angrily.

_Roy and Snake  
Time remaining: 05:03_

"We only have five minutes left, and the kids are nowhere to be seen!" said Snake with a bit of hope.

"Yes, we just need to hope they don't get here in time," smirked Roy confidently.

_5:50 PM  
Last Departure_

"I'll do the roadblock," decided Jigglypuff.

"Good luck," replied Toon Link. "See you on the other side."

Jigglypuff signed up.

Seconds later, the Yoshi fired the gun, and Jigglypuff was off.

However, Jigglypuff isn't exactly the fastest person, so she very slowly made her way over the starting barricade.

_Time remaining: 4:47_

Jigglypuff reached the other side, and began slowly waddling for the rock wall.

_Time remaining: 4:35_

Jigglypuff started scaling the wall, slowly but surely.

_Time remaining: 4:12_

Jigglypuff decided to fly up to the top instead, and let go.

She puffed herself up, and began flying up.

_Time remaining: 3:39_

She reached the top, and began going down the slide.

After a good minute or two, she hit the bottom.

_Time remaining: 2:01_

"Ohmigod, there's Jigglypuff!" gasped Roy. "We're so screwed!"

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 50 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:59_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 49 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:46_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 48 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:39_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 47 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:36_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 46 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:31_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 45 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:29_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 44 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:26_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 42 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:16_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 40 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:10_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 37 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:05_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 34 yards away.

_Time remaining: 1:01_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 31 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:58_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 27 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:54_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 23 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:46_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 20 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:40_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 18 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:36_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 16 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:30_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 13 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:27_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 11 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:21_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 9 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:16_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 7 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:12_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 5 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:10_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 4 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:08_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 3 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:05_

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 2 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:03_

"I can check you in now, Roy and Snake!" said Koopa.

Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 1 yards away.

_Time remaining: 0:00_

Roy and Snake dove for the mat, Snake perfectly touched the mat, meanwhile Roy was off a couple inches. He hit the dirt.

Toon Link, already on the mat, karate kicked Snake in the face.

Jigglypuff was above the mat, in mid air, about a foot off the ground.

Roy tried to inch closer to the mat, only five inches away.

Jigglypuff was ten inches from the mat.

Roy reached his arm out, but Toon Link slashed his sword at it.

Jigglypuff was five inches from the mat.

Roy reached out again, this time about to touch the mat.

Jigglypuff landed on the mat.

"Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number four!" said Koopa Troopa.

Snake and Roy groaned in anguish.

"Roy and Snake... I'm sorry to say, but... I'm afraid you've been spared with a _non-elimination_, the last one, at that!" said Koopa. "I am so sorry to say that, because I wanted to see both you psychos eliminated!"

Snake and Roy gleefully hugged each other.

"I can't believe our luck," grinned Snake. "Because of this second chance, we're gonna have what it takes to get back to the front of the pack!"

"Next time, my companion," said Toon Link angrily. "Next time..."

_Roy and Snake  
After-leg interview_

"Even though we got last this leg, and next leg we have a speed bump, I think we'll have the gusto and willpower to worm our way back into the lead again! Watch out, Frats, you've had enough in the spotlight!" said Snake ominously.

**Finish Times: **

Falcon and Ganondorf: 5:21 PM

Mewtwo and Lucario: 5:46 PM

Ness and Pikachu: 5:48 PM

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 5:55 PM

Roy and Snake: 5:56 PM

Man, this took a lot of willpower and head banging to write.

In other news, by publishing this leg, this is officially my longest Fanfic ever, altogether maxing out over 160k words!

And this leg only took me six months to write...

Be sure to vote which of the five remaining teams who you'll think will win the Extra Smashy Amazing Race! And please leave a review saying who you liked, who you hated, who was funny and who should be eliminated next!

And now, for a bonus scene; What happened when Toon Link and Jigglypuff did the other side of the Detour!

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Hunt for the Beasties_

"How are we going to find a Carnotaurus?" asked Jigglypuff woefully.

"Follow that smell," said Toon Link, holding his gun.

_five minutes later..._

"Look like someone tied down a herbivore and left it here as bait for the Carnotaurus," said Jigglypuff.

A Carnotaurus appeared, and began feasting on the dead animal.

"Hey! Hey, you, pal! Yeah, you! The dinosaur!" yelled Toon Link, getting the monster's attention. "We have to kill you!"

"Oh you do, do you?" asked the Carnotaurus, in a posh British accent. "This isn't a joke, is it?"

"Yes, we're serious." said Jigglypuff solemnly.

"Oh, happy days! I've been wanting someone to kill me for weeks, I'm too much of a coward to do myself in, so what a relief!" said the Carnotaurus.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff looked at each other.

"What about your wife and kids?" asked Toon Link.

"God, they never stop talking, just thinking about them makes me want to die even faster!" said the Carnotaurus. "Just kill me, kill me now!"

Jigglypuff blew its head off.

Toon Link just stared, in shock.


	10. Happy Elevenths Day, Toon Link!

"Last time, on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race," said Koopa Troopa dramatically. "Five teams set out from Mushroom City, out to the high seas, for Yoshi's Island, where leg nine took place! It was also here where Mewtwo and Lucario plotted to wreak havoc against the kids, Toon Link and Jigglypuff!"

_"Yeah, last leg I was just about to claim first place for the first time, but because of those guys I was pushed into second!" said Ness indignantly._

_"Maybe we should do something about it..." lamented Mewtwo._

_"I know just the thing," said Ness._

"Meanwhile, Toon Link and Jigglypuff suffered hard, ending up in the back of the pack for the entirety of the leg!"

_"Okay, we just need to have lots of confidence and a lotta luck if we're gonna stay in!" said Jigglypuff, bursting with optimism._

_"God, will this leg ever end?" screamed Toon Link in desperation._

"Mewtwo and Lucario used Ness to their advantage, fueling his hatred for Toon Link and Jigglypuff, to drum up a conflict! Meanwhile, team Falcon and Ganondorf, Fraternity Brothers, and also cousins, broke their ties to any other team, including their friends Jigglypuff and Toon Link in order to stay in, by U-Turning them!" stated Koopa, looking excited.

_"We choose to U-Turn the kids, Toon Link and Jigglypuff..." said Falcon after a moment of very awkward silence._

"Roy and Snake, father and son, remained strong the entire leg, keeping their heads high and keeping their acts together, keeping them in the front, all the way to the pit stop!"

_"Roy and Snake, you are the second team to arrive," said Koopa._

"However, for the fourth time, the team was penalized, squandering them what would have been an easy placing!"

_"A fourth penalty for us," said Snake angrily. "This is soooo lame..."_

"And in their stead, the Frats managed to break into first place, for the second time!" said Koopa.

_"Falcon and Ganondorf, you are team number __**one**__!" said Koopa Troopa. "You have won yourselves 1000 dollar gift cards for GameStop!"_

"In the mean time, Mewtwo and Lucario had other obstacles bar their path, one of them being injury for the latter!"

_"GOD IT HURTS" screamed Lucario, his leg almost sawed off the rest of his body._

"However, the frat's wise decision to U-Turn the kids kept them from falling too far down on the totem pole, and eventually ended up racing for second with fellow conspiring team, Ness and Pikachu!"

_Mewtwo telekinetically picked up a nearby wood board and hit Ness really, really hard with it._

"After a short, but brutal battle, the Twins came out on top, claiming second place, while Ness took third!"

_"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are the third team to arrive. However, because Roy and Snake are waiting out their penalty still, you are team number two!"_

"Roy and Snake & Toon Link and Jigglypuff competed to stay in the race, both had-been top-dog competitors."

_"Ohmigod, there's Jigglypuff!" gasped Roy. "We're so screwed!"_

_Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 50 yards away._

"And after a tense battle between the both of them..."

_Roy reached his arm out, but Toon Link slashed his sword at it._

"...The kids, Toon Link and Jigglypuff ended up staying in the race."

_"Roy and Snake... I'm sorry to say, but..."_

"However, the father and son were spared, with the last remaining non-elimination!"

_"...I'm afraid you've been spared with a non-elimination, the last one, at that!" said Koopa. "I am so sorry to say that, because I wanted to see both you psychos eliminated!"_

"Five teams remain, after nine excruciating legs... who will be eliminated, next?"

**The Teams: (With what they plan on doing with the million dollars!)**

Falcon and Ganondorf (Beer, beer, and more beer/Party all day, sleep all night)

Roy and Snake (Use it to hire hit men to kill the frats)

Ness and Pikachu (I'll probably buy myself a new time machine/...)

Mewtwo and Lucario (Fame and prestige/Use it to hire a hit man to kill Mewtwo)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (Buy someone to replace me at school/Use it to buy myself a friend)

"This is Yoshi's Island, the southwestern beachside! Here, was the ninth pit stop in a race around the world! Teams arrived here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period, where they can eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams!"

"Will Roy and Snake, having been penalized four times in different legs, get their act together and stay in the race? Will Toon Link and Jigglypuff survive against their fellow conspiring racers' plotting? And can the Twins overcome their recent injury long enough to stay in the race?"

"Team Falcon and Ganondorf, who were first to arrive at the ninth pit stop at 5:21 PM, shall depart from here at 5:21 AM!" said Koopa Troopa.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
1st to Depart; 5:21 AM_

"We got first again last leg, so teams are going to be a little frustrated with us," admitted Ganondorf unsurely.

Falcon turned around to see the father and son giving them the finger and writing them death threats on paper.

Falcon turned back to the front.

"Yeah, I think they're a teeny bit frustrated," admitted Falcon.

_Ness  
Pre-leg interview_

"Okay, so things are apparently going down this way... the frats and the father and son _still_ hate each other for some unknown reason to the rest of us, me and the twins want Toony and Jiggs out of the race, and meanwhile the father and son also hate the kids... I think. Oh, and Toony/Jiggly hate the twins. Pretty much the kids are the ones with the targets on their backs, I'd say."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"This is the tenth leg, so this is when things are goin' down," said Falcon to his team mate over enthusiastically.

"Really?" asked Ganondorf.

"Yeah, man," said Falcon, being the true TSAR-fan of the two, "This is when the tasks get harder, the last Yield or U-Turn show up... it's gonna be brutal, dude."

Ganondorf looked nervously at the clue.

"Um... maybe _you_ should open it," said Ganondorf timidly.

"Sure thing!" said Falcon, ripping open the clue and taking the clue. "Buy yourselves a ticket to Dream Land, the wondrous world ruled by the Dictator-for-life, King Dedede!"

"Oh, god," said Ganondorf, face palming. "Please tell me we aren't going to run into that guy again... he was a jerk."

"You said it! Anyways, it also says there are multiple ways to Dream Land that we can take..." noticed Falcon.

_"Teams must now choose what way they will be looking to travel through, by plane or by boat, then car. The closest flight time is at 6:05 AM. This is the only flight, and it will arrive at 9:30 AM, if the flight is not canceled or delayed. To go by ferry, things could be difficult, more so than the flight. Teams would also have to drive by car which will take longer than the flight, depending if teams abide by the law or don't." explained Koopa the host._

"Oh, what'd I tell you? They did this for the first season of TESAR," reminisced Falcon. "Aw, crap, I forgot, the author told me never to reference the first season again... oh, well."

Ganondorf stared at his not-as-intelligent cousin.

"Let's just... let's just go and think of what we'll do next inside the airport." sighed Ganondorf.

"Yeah, good thinking." agreed Falcon excitedly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2nd to Depart; 5:46 AM_

"Dude, it's great to come in second after getting fifth, sixth, and fifth... and now we've made it back to the front." said Mewtwo.

"Let's hope it stays that way." said Lucario in high hopes. He ripped open the clue. "Choose your preferred method of travel, to Dream Land!"

"I'm just glad that leg nine is over," said Mewtwo, stretching his body tiredly. "That was a real brutal leg..."

"...You have 333 dollars for this leg of the race," read Lucario, dumping the money out.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Okay, our taxi is driving us to the airport," explained Falcon, "Before we get there, we are going to think of our next move, which is either by airplane, which has a definite time but it will take longer to get there, or we could take a dodgy -and unreliable, from the sounds of it- ferry, which will then deposit us back onto the main lands and we have to drive from there."

They both sat there, deep in thought on what step they would take.

"We're here," said the taxi driver flatly.

"Wow, really? You guys sure have fast servi-" started Falcon.

"Actually, the airport was just 200 yards away from your previous location," explained the taxi driver. "You owe me 5 bucks."

They handed him the money and got out of the taxi cab.

"Okay, now what?" asked Ganondorf.

"Well... I know this guy who'd probably be willing to help us get to Dream Land quickly..." ejaculated Falcon excitedly.

"Wow, really? What do you know him from? This may help us keep our lead," said Ganondorf, barely able to keep the excitement from shining in his voice.

"...We're drinking buddies," smiled Falcon. "We party with each other every once in a while."

"Well, let's go meet him and pay him to take us to Dream Land!" said Ganondorf.

"Alrighty then," said Falcon, leading Ganondorf towards the mysterious person's location.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Dude, are those the frats over there?" asked Lucario.

"Yeah, and why did they take a taxi when the airport was within walking distance?" asked Mewtwo, gripping his backpack.

"Man, we're racing with some real morons," said Lucario, snickering.

"Ready to go?" asked Mewtwo.

"Let me finish smoking this packet of marijuana in plain sight," said Lucario, fondling the drugs.

_Ness and Pikachu  
3rd to Depart; 5:48 AM_

"Okay, next clue," smiled Ness, grabbing the clue and ripping it open. ""Choose your preferred method of travel, to Dream Land!"

"There's the ferry, then the flight... let's go to the airport, maybe the flight is still available," suggested Pikachu.

"Alright then, I'm hoping we can board the plane and shut it down for everyone else," explained Ness.

"How so?" asked Pikachu.

"Easy, we buy as many plane tickets as possible!" explained Ness. "Then we clink our wine glasses together in victory! ...Of course, we're too young for alcohol, so it'll probably be just grape juice in cardboard boxes..."

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Alrighty, time to go and get flight tickets!" said Lucario, smiling so brightly it looked fake. Chances were, judging with Lucario's personale, it probably was.

"Okey-dokey! Have you decided how we'll continue forcing the kids out from the race?" asked Mewtwo.

"I thought that was _your_ job," said Lucario, stretching lazily.

"Um, my job is carrying the water bag, the food bag, the crack bag, and don't forget the completely useless bag full of watches I've been lugging around..." said Mewtwo. "That's just the weight. My actual responsibilities are waking us up to depart, keeping track of all the clues, and, well... should I continue?"

Lucario had been lying down, back propped against the nearby wall.

"I'm injured, remember?" reminded Lucario.

"Dude, that happened a month ago," sighed Mewtwo. "Surely it's stable for at least jogging, now."

"Nope," smirked Lucario. "Hey, did you know today is November 11th, 2011? Eleven, eleven, eleven!"

"Errgh." grunted Mewtwo in annoyance at his team mates lax behavior.

"That happens, like, once in a century!" said Lucario, closing his eyes.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Okay, so we were walking down this public street, when we noticed the Twins, one of them lying down for some reason," said Ness, to nobody really in particular.

"Maybe it's for a trick?" suggested Pikachu to his team mate. "Or maybe a public stunt for money."

"Well whatever it is, I'm not going to pay them a cent," reinforced Ness, gripping his backpack tighter.

"Yeah, we're going to need it if we want to force everyone from being unable to board that flight of ours." agreed Pikachu.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Shouldn't we take a taxi if his resort is really five miles out?" asked Ganondorf nervously, not wanting to be left behind.

"Of course not! We're men, we can take it." said Falcon, flexing a muscle.

"Are you sure about this? If the deal doesn't work out, we would have saved time by actually driving over there..." said Ganondorf, fidgeting with anxiety.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
4th to Depart; 5:55 AM_

"We have 333 dollars for this leg of the race," read Toon Link, grabbing the money. "Our team has actually recovered from the money problem we had, I'd say we're fairly financially stable..."

"Happy Elevenths Day, Toon Link!" said Jigglypuff, waving. "Hopefully they'll eventually use a quote of mine for a leg title! They haven't done me yet!"

"Yes they have! Quit whining about pointless things and find out how you can be useful!" yelled Toon Link, hitting her with random fruitcake.

_Roy and Snake  
Last to Depart; 5:56 AM_

"We're last, and we have a Speed Bump to complete later on," snarled Snake, looking villainous. "If I get my hands on those kids..."

"We're last out, and we've had our rough patches, but we'll brave onward," rambled Roy, "Because we're troopers, us Snakes are... Fight to the end..."

"Heh, Toon Link has lost all hope, just look at him." mused Snake, scratching his five-o-clock shadow.

"Aye, let's make for that ferry now, everyone will take the airplane and if we do this fast enough we can keep ahead of everyone long enough tae be in first!" added Roy.

_Toon Link  
Pre-leg Interview_

"My life sucks... I lost my best friend, five of my relatives died in just this year, and worst of all, I have a stupid ass team mate who never takes anything I say seriously..." said Toon Link, looking on the verge of tears. "I... I just want to end it all..."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"Let's look at the bright side of things," said Jigglypuff, bursting with happiness.

Toon Link sighed, knowing it was completely, and utterly, hopeless to object.

"For one thing... we're no longer in debt!" Jigglypuff said, sighing dreamily.

"It's only a matter of time..." sobbed Toon Link.

"Oh, and the father and son have that pathetic Speed Bump to attempt!" laughed Jigglypuff effeminately.

_Roy and Snake  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Yes, we do have a Speed Bump that we have to complete," admitted Snake. "But aye, we've survived this long, what's tae stop us from moving on?"

"I agree," said Roy.

"SHUT UP, UNGROOVY PERSON!" yelled Snake angrily.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

" We're going to find out where the ould ferry port is." said Roy in his northern accent, jogging towards some locals.

"Hey, guys, where would we find a map of the local area? Better yet, why don't you just tell us where the Dangu Port is?" asked Snake.

"Just follow down this coast, and you'll find the port, and you might want to hurry, because It could leave any second." explained one of the local Yoshis.

"Wow, due to the fact the author is extremely lazy and doesn't feel like creating tension between locals and the racers, you guys speak english! Awesome!" said Snake joyously.

"Actually, it's because english is our second language here," asserted the second Yoshi.

"Wow, you just _haaaad to contradict me_, author," said Snake angrily.

The author used his abilities to kill Snake instantly.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Okay, we're inside the airport, and we are looking for the place to buy airline tickets." said Pikachu (Ness) to the camera.

"Wow, this place is big for being on a godforsaken, tropical rain forest island!" said Ness.

"Way to botch it, Ness," sighed Pikachu (Ness), looking irritated.

They (Well, just Ness holding Pikachu) approached the desk, Pikachu looking around from side to side to see if any teams were coming near (Ness actually doing the looking-around).

"Now where could one find a ticket booth?" asked Ness to Pikac- screw it, himself.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"I wonder if we'll be able to make that flight, it's a desperate gamble, but one worth taking," said Jigglypuff anxiously, walking slowly towards the airport, which was looming in the distance.

"I wonder why there must be suffering..." sighed Toon Link, head bowed in defeat.

"I wonder if we've beaten anyone to the airport!" said Jigglypuff, looking optimistic.

"I wonder if there's a way to end it all..." mumbled Toon Link, closely following Jigglypuff towards the airport.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Can we get tickets for the 6:05 AM flight?" asked Ness. "Actually... can we get... five tickets? One for me, one for my friend Pikachu, two for my parents and uh... one for my little brother?"

"You and I both know," said the airport employee, "That he isn't real-"

"**CENSORED**! HE IS **CENSORED** REAL, DAMMIT! HE IS THE MOST **CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED** REAL, NICE PERSON YOU'LL EVER **CENSORED** MEET! HE'S A DECENT PERSON WHO IS RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS AND NEVER, EVER SAYS ANYTHING NEGATIVE, OR RUDE ABOUT THE REST OF YOU, BUT WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU **CENSORED** GO AHEAD AND SAY HE ISN'T REAL, OR HE'S FAKE, OR YOU JUST PLAIN IGNORE HIM WHEN HE TALKS. THINK ABOUT OTHERS' FEELINGS, YOU BITCH!"

"Actually, I meant that we both know you're parents aren't here with you..." said the flight attendant.

"How... how do you know that?" asked Ness, looking confused.

The flight attendant pointed to the TV behind her, which was currently showing what Ness had just said five seconds earlier.

"Wait... I'm being filmed?" asked Ness.

"Why do you think I've been following you around for this long?" asked Bob the cameraman.

"I thought you were just following me because you wanted in on the million dollars..." said Ness, looking confused.

"And another reason... I know what you're doing and when you're doing, is because..." the person stepped out of the convenient darkness they had been hiding in, revealing themselves. "I was on the race!"

Samus began cackling evilly.

"You were?" queried Ness, now really perplexed. "When?"

"You were the reason me and Falco were eliminated, idiot!" explained Samus angrily. "Remember leg one? Isle Delfino?"

Ness stared up at the ceiling, trying to remember.

"Oh yeeeah, you guys were eliminated in the first leg, hah, that was pretty funny!" said Ness, starting to laugh.

"Stop laughing," said Samus angrily.

Ness continued to laugh, doing so, so much he started to cry from the laughter.

"I said stop!" shrieked Samus, frowning.

"I'm... I'm sorry...It's just that... you guys were so pathetic, it's really amusing..." giggled Ness, unable to control his laughter.

Samus pulled out a silenced M9 and aimed it at Ness.

"I'm going to go and order tickets from a real worker here now, it was nice catching up," snickered Ness, walking off.

"I _do_ work here! I'm a flight attendant!" screamed Samus angrily, lowering the gun.

"Can I have as many tickets it takes to book the 6:05 AM flight, _real_ employee?" asked Ness casually.

The worker processed the tickets, and handed him all eight tickets without questioning his purchase.

_Ness and Pikachu  
1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and Last on 6:05 AM Flight_

"Hahah, we just got our free get-out-of-the-horseraces-and-straight-into-first-card... over seven times!" laughed Pikachu triumphantly.

"Wait, they sell get-out-of-the-horseraces-and-straight-into-first-cards?" asked Ness, looking excited.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Okay, we reached the airport, but we can't find that ticket booth... we've been searching for the past five minutes!" said Mewtwo desperately.

Lucario was nowhere to be seen.

"And where's Lucario?" asked Mewtwo.

Lucario walked up, munching on something.

"What are you eating? And why did it take that long to get it?" asked Mewtwo, looking nervous.

"I'm not telling you anything," said Lucario, continuing to consume whatever the substance was.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"Ahh, what a beautiful day!" said Jigglypuff, her stubby arms raised in the sky. "I mean, just look at all of it. The birds singing in the trees..."

A parrot swooped by, and left droppings on Toon Link.

"The locals going through their daily routines..." said Jigglypuff.

Yoshis came by, noticing Toon Link and laughing at him.

"And the exotic pack of wolves that come around every scene or so..." said Jigglypuff whimsically.

"You... you're kidding, right?" laughed Toon Link nervously.

"Nope!" said Jigglypuff, naively.

Toon Link started running, but was too late as the random pack of wolves came and ate him alive.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Can we have two tickets for 6:05 AM flight?" asked Lucario to the airport worker.

"Sorry, sold out," said the worker. "We just booked out about four minutes ago."

"Damn, didn't work." said Lucario.

"What didn't?" asked the worker, "All you two did was take turns asking me the same question! What did you think was going to happen?"

"I dunno, we thought you hated me or something," said Mewtwo casually.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Middle School Students_

"Okay, we're inside the airport, now we just have to go and purchase our tickets and be out of here." said Jigglypuff.

"It's hopeless, we'll be denied access," said Toon Link fatalistically.

"Wow, shine on, you crazy diamond," said Jigglypuff sarcastically. "You truly are a shining light in this dark, dank cavern..."

Toon Link blinked.

"Did... you just use a form of sarcasm?" asked Toon Link, looking genuinely shocked.

"Ohmigosh, I can't believe I just did!" said Jigglypuff, hyperventilating.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Okay, so someone foiled us from being able to get a flight out of here, so boarding the boat it is!" said Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Here we are," said Falcon excitedly, pointing to the privately owned jet airlines.

"Gosh, that symbol looks familiar." said Ganondorf, "It gives me quite the uneasy feeling about this!"

"Relax, you coward, you get scared so easily..." replied Falcon, ignoring the cautious nature of his cousin.

They approached the counter, where nobody appeared to be waiting for them.

"...Anybody here?" asked Ganondorf.

"Right here, punk." said a voice.

They looked left, then right.

"Down here, idiot." said the voice again.

They saw the Waddle Dee standing there, behind the counter, tapping one of his feet.

"Wait, one of these guys?" said Ganondorf, alarmed. "The person who will fly us over to Dream Land... you can't mean..."

"Yes, cuz, I do mean him! Me and Dedede used to be drinking buddies, and before he was eliminated, on 2010 New Years, we went out for a drink, and we made a uber-classified-never-to-be-told-to-anyone-until-could-be-made-useful pact, which was if one of us got eliminated early on, we would waste all our effort to help the still-surviving team to win!" over-explained Falcon in a very annoying fashion.

"Mr. Royal Highness is currently incapacitated at the moment," explained Waddle Dee.

"But we _have to_ see him!" said Falcon desperately. "Is there any way we could make this happen?"

He looked up at the security camera, positioned his face to where it couldn't be seen by the camera, then winked at the Waddle Dee.

"Is... there something wrong with your eye?" asked the Waddle Dee.

"God, secretivity just isn't what it used to be..." sighed Falcon, blatantly handing him thirty bucks.

"Right this way." said the Waddle Dee, escorting them down a hallway.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"Wahahahah, looks like Best Friend team wins this time!" cackled Ness victoriously, walking aboard the plane with his stuffed animal accomplice.

"Yeah, we kept everyone else from boarding this plane, but at what cost? All of our racing money," explained Pikachu... ominously.

"Whatever, as long as we keep in the race at this rate, I don't care what happens..." said Ness.

A certain former racer, unbeknownst to Ness and his imaginary friend, also stealthily boarded the plane.

Cue dramatic music.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Look for a taxi that could take us to Dangu Port..." said Mewtwo.

"Taxi searching falls under _your_ job, remember?" said Lucario, uncaring.

"That's it, give me your list of duties!" yelled Mewtwo, taking the check list from Lucario and reading it out loud.

"List of TESAR duties; None... List of insults for my intellectually-lacking brother... over 9000... Note to self, don't forget to avoid doing any form of work today." read Mewtwo.

"See? I have plenty of jobs," replied Lucario. "Now you should probably find a taxi we can take..."

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"So this is his room?" asked Falcon to the Waddle Dee.

"Yes, stupid, it's this room. See if you have any better luck trying to get him out of that bathroom." said the Waddle Dee, walking off.

"Okay, try to convince him to take us to Dream Land..." said Ganondorf.

"Hey, Dedede! It's me, Falcon. Your drinking partner." said Falcon.

"Go away!" called out King Dedede, "I just want to be left alone."

"Yeah, but we have... alcohol, and other stuffs." said Ganondorf.

"What kind?" asked King Dedede.

"Um, it's called... flonkerton..." lied Ganondorf.

"Go pour me a cup, and I might consider helping you..." explained King Dedede.

"Great," said Ganondorf, as he and Falcon walked away, "Now we have to go on a wild goose chase for a faked alcohol... it's over for us."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Can you give us directions to Dangu Port?" asked Jigglypuff to a local.

"It's a good two miles that way, if you run you'll make it in maybe, eight minutes." explained the Yoshi.

"Thanks, person! Come on, Toon Link, let's make a run for it." said Jigglypuff, starting into a jog.

_Roy and Snake_

"Down that alleyway, then make a right, matey!" said Roy, reading off of a map.

"We'll be there in six minutes if we keep this up!" exclaimed Snake.

The father and son continued jogging down the alleyway, at one point so enclosed together they had to press their backs against both walls.

"Ya think Jigglyroof an' her idiot friend are still back there, tryin' to find some local sucker to get information out of?" laughed Roy cockily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Have to keep up!" yelled Mewtwo, outrunning his lagging behind brother.

"Yeah, this isn't going to work," said Lucario angrily, as his twin brother kept reminding him of his pathetic pace.

_Lucario  
Pre-leg Interview_

"No, we don't have a psychic connection, being twins and psychics. If we did, I would kill myself. And no, I'm not kidding." said Lucario angrily.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"The time is currently 6:09 AM, thank you for waiting. We will now be departing for Dream Land." said a flight attendant over the announcer.

"Well, the plane is taking off now, and nobody else made the flight." said Pikachu (Ness) excitedly.

Ness was busy drinking champagne, despite being of legal age.

"You know, I still doubt that spending every single dime we had on all those tickets was worth it..." said Pikachu (Ness).

"Aaah, you're just being a scaredy-cat..." jeered Ness, poking the stuffed animal's stitched side.

_Roy and Snake_

"Just another mile tae go, and we'll make it!" yelled Roy over the ruckus of the local community, him and Snake passing small Yoshi huts. "We have tae be there by 6:25 AM, or we'll miss th' earliest departure!"

Several Yoshis started to get in their way, slowing them down.

Snake pulled out a P99 and began firing into the air. "FBI! FBI! Move out of the way!"

The Yoshis trampled over each other to get away from the two of them.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"There's the dock, just up ahead," said Lucario, pointing a good 300 yards ahead, where the shipping yard lay.

"What's the name of the boat we need to get on?" asked Mewtwo.

"S.S. Ecstasy, you know, like the dru-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know." reminded Mewtwo.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Hey, is that... the docking bay? Way down there?" asked Jigglypuff, pointing all the way down the hill they were standing on.

"You know what? I'm tired of walking. We're financially secure, darn it!" said Toon Link, walking up to a taxi driver and paying him.

_Roy and Snake_

"I'm pretty sure that we're ahead of everyone else at this rate," said Snake casually.

"What do you think happened to Jesse and his stuffed toy? I haven't seen them nary a bit this leg..." replied Roy.

"I dunno, they probably just overslept or something." suggested Snake.

"Huh, well good riddance! I never liked th' wanker anyways..." said Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Now where are we going to find an alcohol called 'flonkerton'?" asked Ganondorf, depressed, kicking an empty beer bottle aside after drinking from it.

"Wait, I have an idea!" said Falcon, jumping up.

Falcon picked up the beer bottle Ganondorf had carelessly tossed aside, and took a blank sheet of paper and got it to stick over the label of the beer bottle.

"Do you have a marker?" asked Falcon.

Ganondorf handed Falcon a marker, who began writing 'Flonkerton' on the beer bottle.

"Now all we do is find fermented water and give it to him," said Falcon simply.

"Are you sure he'll fall for it?" asked Ganondorf.

"Positive." replied Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"It's right there, Lucario," said Mewtwo angrily, "Get up and walk the last 50 yards, I'm not carrying you anymore."

Lucario laid on the grass, eyes closed, as if he didn't hear Mewtwo.

...

Mewtwo began to push Lucario, causing him to roll down the hill and land into the sea.

"Having fun, are we?" questioned an irate Lucario, while Mewtwo was clutching his sides from the pain.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"You expect me to believe that this is what I'm thinking that you're thinking it is?" asked King Dedede in outrage from the other side of the door.

"Um... yes?" said Ganondorf confusedly.

"Then you're right, this is the best flonkerton I've had in ages!" said King Dedede enthusiastically.

Falcon and Ganondorf looked at each other confusedly.

"Give me a minute to savor the flavor, then I'll get you two to Dream Land in a jiffy!" said King Dedede.

Falcon and Ganondorf did a frat five.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"...Two tickets to the 6:25 AM ferry." said Lucario, giving the greeter the money.

"Actually, I'm just a greeter, but gee, thanks!" said the Yoshi greeter, running off with the money.

"Damn it!" screamed Lucario in frustration, shoving Mewtwo off the deck and into the ocean.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We decided on taking a taxi down there, I was tired of walking." explained Toon Link.

"Okay, just drive down this hill and we'll pay you whatever it'll cost." sighed Jigglypuff.

The Yoshi driver revved up the engine and started driving.

_Roy and Snake_

"It's just through this clearing, another alleyway and we're there!" said Roy breathlessly, knocking over two Yoshis who had been sitting next to a fire.

"Out of my way!" yelled Snake aggressively, pushing one of the same Yoshis who had just picked himself up.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Come on, surely you can go faster than this," complained Toon Link.

_Roy and Snake_

"Don't... stop... running!" screamed Snake, sprinting as fast as he could.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Pull up, pull up right there!" yelled Toon Link, the only remaining parking seat about to be stolen.

The taxi driver picked up speed, and was just about to enter the parking space when the car accidentally rammed into Snake, knocking him straight into the ocean.

"Oh god!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"Oh god!" screamed Toon Link.

"Aaaah!" screamed Roy.

"What the hell?" screamed Snake as he fell in.

Jigglypuff jumped out of the taxi with Toon Link, and tried to leave before Snake could get a hold of them, running towards the ticket booth.

Roy helped his soaking wet son out of the ocean water, and the two jumped on top of the kids and started throttling them.

Mewtwo and Lucario, who had gone to get some rations for the trip, came back to witness Snake and Roy in a fist fight with the kids.

"Geez, people, the ticket booth is right there," said Lucario arrogantly, pointing to the same greeter who had stolen his money earlier.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"You think they'll let us try the champagne?" asked Ness to his stuffed friend.

"Ask the next flight attendant you see," replied Pikachu, or Ness, whichever you prefer.

Falco, the flight attendant for the plane walked up.

"Oh, Attendant, can I have some champagne? We're winning a race..." said Ness, not noticing Falco.

Falco cackled evilly, handing Ness some champagne he had poisoned.

"Thanks!" said Ness, pouring himself and Pikachu a shot glass.

Unfortunately, the turbulence of the plane caused the glass to fly out of Ness' hand, and shatter onto Falco's face.

"Mmm, that was good stuff!" said Pikachu, licking his (fake) lips.

"D'aww, mine went and spilled," sighed Ness sadly.

_Roy and Snake  
2nd on 6:25 AM Ferry_

"Two tickets for the 6:25 am ferry, please." said Roy, his right eye blackened.

"Man, I hate those kids." growled Snake angrily, very few cuts and scratches on his body.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Last on 6:25 AM Ferry_

"We made it, it's only 20 minutes after, so we got here on time." explained Jigglypuff, she and Toon Link severely bruised and beaten.

"God, my back feels like it's just been stretched out of shape." moaned Toon Link, clutching his spine.

_The camera viewed the ferry departing, and then showed a cut scene of the airplane that Ness took taking off._

_"Teams are now heading for Dream Land by any means!" said Koopa Troopa._

_"Ness and Pikachu chose to take the air flight from Yoshi's Island to Dream Land, departing at 6:05 AM and arriving at 9:30 AM."_

_"Teams Mewtwo and Lucario, Roy and Snake & Toon Link and Jigglypuff took the ferry, departing at 6:25 AM and arriving at the Dream Land border around 8:30 AM, if the ship isn't detained."_

_"Falcon and Ganondorf chose to seek out a private jet plane to Dream Land, possibly arriving at any random interval."_

_"Once teams arrive, they must find Meta-Knight in the Cappy Town Village, near the tree stationed in the center of the town!" explained Koopa Troopa._

_8:30 AM  
Ferry Landed_

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We have to find this guy," said Mewtwo, holding up a picture of Meta-Knight to his older, shorter brother, as the two of them walked casually off the ferry boat.

"Think those cars are designed for us to use?" asked Lucario, hiding his cigar from the camera by hiding it behind his back.

"I don't know, but we should probably make a break for it!" said Mewtwo with enthusiasm.

"Man, your optimism annoys m... Yeowch!" yelped Lucario, his cigar having come in contact with his tail.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

The father and son passed up the twins in a frantic manner, knowing they still had a Speed Bump to perform.

"Just keep running!" panted Roy to his son. "Gee, is it me or are you getting slower?"

Snake couldn't hear him, due to the fact he was already in the car and honking for Roy to hurry up.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

Jigglypuff was sweating profusely from the small distance she was running to the car, barely passing up Lucario, whom had been lazily strolling towards the ranks of cars placed for the racers.

"Happy Elevenths Day, Lucario!" said Jigglypuff as she passed him.

"Yeah, whatever..." dismissed Lucario, his usual cynical nature showing.

Toon Link also passed up Lucario, his face giving the impression he was severely depressed.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Come on, Lucario!" yelled Mewtwo from the car, honking the horn painfully loud.

Lucario continued to stroll, taking in the beautiful sunrise on the east.

"Oh, come on!" complained Mewtwo, "When you ask for me to get a move-on, I do what you say... but when I ask for you to hurry, you decide to gaze at the scenery?"

_Roy and Snake_

"Let's get a move on, now." said Roy, revving up the car engine.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive?" asked Snake quizzically.

Roy thought of the last time Snake drove.

_"Oh god! THE PAIN!" screamed Roy, his head stuck in the dashboard. "GET ME OUT!"_

_"Don't worry, (cough) dad, I'll have you out in a jiffy!" said Snake, the steering wheel wrapped around his skull._

"Pretty positive," stated Roy clearly, snapping out of the montage.

_Snake_

"Do I regret meeting my dad?" said Snake, repeating the question, "That's a good question. The bond between a father and son is typically the strongest bond you'll ever have. I have learned something very crucial by meeting my father... and that is that we have nothing in common. It also tells me to never get married, because if my relationship with my father sucks this much, this is obviously a sign that there isn't a decent broad out there for me..."

_Roy and Snake_

Roy drove the car out of the car ranks before the other teams did, and began driving down the freshly paved road.

They encountered a red light, and Roy pulled out a handbook.

"Tell me when the red light turns green," said Roy, looking down.

Snake stared intensely at the light, his eyes drying from the lack of blinking.

The light turned green, but Snake didn't say anything.

Toon Link and Jigglypuff rear ended them.

"Damn it son, I give you **one** simple task..." fumed Roy.

"You said to tell you when it turned green!" retorted Snake. "And the light clearly turned a shade of harlequin!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Okay, just follow the father and son..." stated Toon Link, lying back on his seat leisurely, eyes half-closed.

"Got it." assured Jigglypuff, starting up the car.

...

"So, nice weather we're having." said Jigglypuff.

...

"You know, the weather is actually quite marvelous," continued Jigglypuff in a posh British accent, outside the car rain was pouring, obscuring the vision of the road in front of them, and a hurricane warning siren going off in the radio of the kids' car.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

Rain continued to pour, making things that were already too difficult for the twins, to be even harder.

"As if things weren't hard enough already," sighed Mewtwo, the one at the wheel.

"Quit yer whinin', it's only a drizzle..." assured Lucario, stretching his foot paws.

A tree crushed their car, killing both of them in horrible fashions.

_Roy and Snake_

Roy and his son continued driving, barely ahead of the other two teams in an attempt to reach the speed bump before the other teams even arrived.

"What time is it?" asked Roy, keeping his eyes on the road.

"What does it matter?" replied Snake, going back to reading 'War and Peace'.

"It matters to about_** everything**_ when you're on a_ race to win a __**million dollars**_," shot back Roy angrily, making a sharp left turn.

"Yeah, well... well it doesn't matter when you don't have a_ watch_! Looks like the joke's on you, Dad!" said Snake evilly, revealing his right hand which clearly did not have a watch.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"If anything, I'd say we're beating those kids," smirked Lucario, as their car left Toon Link and Jigglypuff in a hurry.

He stuck his head out the window, in order to get a better look.

"Don't do that, you might hurt yourself..." reminded Mewtwo as he made the same turn the father and son had made just a minute ago.

"Yeah right, what's the worst that could happen?" laughed Lucario, leaning even farther out of the car.

Lucario's face hit a stop sign, decapitating him and killing him instantly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

Jigglypuff was humming a Christmas song, much to Toon Link's annoyance.

"Can you please stop?" asked Toon Link angrily, glaring at her.

"I can't, it's the Christmas season, so I have to keep humming in order to maintain the December cheer!" said Jigglypuff.

"It's November 11th! We have like, forty-something days until Christmas! You can start humming then!" yelled Toon Link angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Man, it's been waaaay longer than a jiffy, dude..." said Ganondorf to Falcon.

"Yeah man, it-wait, what? What's a jiffy? Anyways, I agree, it has been awhile..." nodded Falcon, half-asleep.

"You think he left us here and went off to Dream Land by himself?" wondered Ganondorf.

"Probably, just too tired from lack of sleep..." muttered Falcon, rubbing his eyes wearily.

"Yeah, speaking of which, what were you doing last night dude? You were like, yelling or something... and used a lot of foul language..." said Ganondorf.

A flashback noise, akin to the one from the TV show 'Lost' played.

_"Come on, come on, come on," yelled Falcon loudly into the microphone, playing Modern Warefare 3 in the hotel lobby at three in the morning. "AWWW! YOU IDIOT!1 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T KILL THAT GUY! HOW OLD ARE YOU, FIVE? Oh, you are...? Sorry about that..."_

"So wait, you were playing Modern Warefare 3 ...AND WITHOUT ME?" screamed Ganondorf, outraged.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Make one more right, then we should be able to park and reach Meta-Knight in the town square." sighed Toon Link, looking out the window, very sad.

"We have to hurry!" panicked Jigglypuff, "After all, there's no more non-terminations, All that's left are termination legs!"

"...What?" asked Toon Link, his interest piqued.

"I said, there's only termination legs left." repeated Jigglypuff.

"You know, they don't kill the people who get eliminated, right?" laughed Toon Link.

"Oh... oh what a relief... I'm not afraid to come in last anymore... not that I _want_ to be eliminated though..."

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Alright, park here- yes, right there, we should be able to walk to the town square from here and meet that guy." said Lucario.

"Okey-dokey!" replied Mewtwo cheerily, ready to park the car.

There was only one space left in the parking section, and it was in between two really big eighteen-wheelers.

"Oh noes! Not this! Parallel parking was the one thing I was bad at in driver's ed!" panicked Mewtwo, having a panic attack.

"No, Mewtwo-... Mewtwo! Pull yourself together and park this car!" barked Lucario.

_Roy and Snake_

"Hahaha, look, the Twins are too busy being dumb and trying to parallel park into that space when they could just park here!" laughed Roy evilly, parking their car into the clearly open parking space 5 yards away from where Mewtwo and Lucario were.

They parked in the open parking spot and hopped out of the car.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

Rain was still pouring, leaving the roadways slippery and even dangerously so.

"You wonder if the other teams are having trouble finding the town square like we are?" asked Jigglypuff copiously.

"I doubt it," simpered Toon Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Over there, across the puddle, under the tree!" exclaimed Snake, running through the mucky wet puddle to reach Meta-Knight.

"Here you go," sighed Meta-Knight, handing them their first clue.

"You must now find your next clue, the clues are hidden inside King Dedede's courtyard!"

_"Teams must now search for their next clue! It will be hidden within King Dedede's Courtyard, which was last season's ninth pit stop! Once teams find their next clue... well, they know what to do." explained Koopa._

"Alrighty, we should get a move-on with this because after we're done, chances are there's that Speed Bump..." explained Roy to his eager son.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Right, we parked the car, Mewtwo." said Lucario in a calm voice, having had reached over and parked for his younger brother, "Now let's calmly get out... walk over to the clue bearer, and maybe, just maybe, we won't be IN F**KING LAST PLACE!1"

Mewtwo started bawling again, and Lucario kicked him out of the car.

"Damn it all Mewtwo, you're getting my footpaws wet," grated Lucario harshly, shaking off the tears as he closed the car door.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"See where that parking lot is? Park over there! In front of 'Chef Kawasaki's Diner'..." explained Toon Link.

"Okay, just let me get the car parked, and we'll get ourselves the clue..." replied Jigglypuff, slowly driving into the parking spot.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place _

"I wonder if we'll see King Dedede this leg..." wondered Mewtwo, having forgotten his sadness for a moment.

Lucario tripped his brother to the ground.

"What'sa matter, can't walk now?" laughed Lucario savagely, walking past his brother and collecting the next clue from Meta-Knight.

"Heeey," said Meta-Knight to Lucario, "Do I know you?"

Lucario stared hard at the short swordsman.

"Nope." shrugged off Lucario, ripping open the clue and reading aloud, "You must now find your next clue, the clues are hidden inside King Dedede's courtyard... huh, sounds simple enough."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

After the twins had vacated the area, Jigglypuff and Toon Link walked up, and took the clue from Meta-Knight.

"You must now find your next clue, the clues are hidden inside King Dedede's courtyard," read Jigglypuff.

"Easy enough, let's go get the clue..." said Toon Link, indifference stamped on his face.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"The time is now 9:13 AM. We will be reaching our destination of Dream Land International Airport in about twenty minutes." announced one of the flight attendants over the announcer.

Ness smiled, looking out the window knowing he was in the lead. "We're almost to Dream Land... ha, we beat the rest of them there! We're as free as larks!"

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch," warned Pikachu in a prophetic tone.

"Ah, what do you know? You're just a Pokémon!" replied Ness with disdain.

Falco walked up again, wearing a fake mustache.

"Hello sir... and... stuffed thing... can I interest you in some perfume?" asked Falco suspiciously, adjusting the mustache.

"Um, isn't perfume for girls?" asked Ness, a look of confusion planted on his faced.

"Nooo," replied Falco warily, improvising as he went along, "It's... the men's kind..."

"There's a men's kind?" asked Ness interestedly.

"Yes, it's... like cologne. Do you wish to try some? A free sample?" asked Falco.

"Nah, I'm okay." replied Ness, refusing the offer.

"Are you sure? It attracts women!" said Falco, his mustache tilting to the side.

"Women? Ewwww," yelled a disgusted Ness, throwing his shirt over his nose at the sound of the word.

"I forgot, he's pre-pubescent..." muttered Falco. "Actually, it was a test, to uh... to see if you would like the product, and you passed! It actually detracts women guaranteed!"

"Really?" asked Ness, "In that case, I'll buy some!"

"Wait, Ness!" said Pikachu, the shred of Ness' only common sense, "What about our lack of race money? We lose those last thirteen bucks, we lose our last bit of money!"

Ness pondered this for a moment.

He looked at Falco, who was presenting the (poisoned) perfume in a showgirl fashion.

He looked at Pikachu, who was shaking his head no.

He looked at Falco, who was presenting the (poisoned) perfume in a showgirl fashion.

He looked at Pikachu, who was shaking his head no.

He looked at Falco, who was presenting the (poisoned) perfume in a showgirl fashion.

He looked at Pikachu, who was shaking his head no.

He looked at Falco, who was presenting the (poisoned) perfume in a showgirl fashion.

He looked at Pikachu, who was shaking his head no.

He looked at Falco, who was presenting the (poisoned) perfume in a showgirl fashion.

He looked at Pikachu, who was shaking his head no.

He looked at Falco, who was presenting the (poisoned) perfume in a showgirl fashion.

He looked at Pikachu, who was shaking his head no.

He looked at Falco, who was presenting the (poisoned) perfume in a showgirl fashion.

He looked at Pikachu, who was shaking his head no.

"Sorry, but I'm going to have to say no." said Ness.

"What?" said Falco.

"Lo siento, pero no podemos comprar este tema, el buen señor." said Ness.

"What? No, I understood you the first time! I just can't understand why you don't want this!" said Falco angrily.

His mustache fell off.

...

"CODE RED, CODE RED, THE YOUNG ONE KNOWS WE ARE HIS ENEMIES," screamed Falco into a radio.

Ness quickly pulled out a light saber and turned it on.

Falco ran into the next room and grabbed his blaster.

"Suck on this, Ness!" screeched Falco, firing his blaster.

Ness ducked, and the bullet bounced off the wall and back to Falco, burning his hand.

"OH GOD" screamed Falco, firing his blaster again.

Ness ducked, and the bullet bounced off the wall and back to Falco, burning his shoulder.

"Okay, this is getting old. Just stand still for..." trailed off Falco, not even finishing his sentence in order to fire upon Ness.

Ness ducked, and the bullet bounced off the wall and back to Falco, burning his foot.

"Son of a... how are you doing this?" asked Falco. "You know what..." He threw the blaster off to the side, and pulled out his own light saber.

They began swiping at each other, trying to knock the other one down in an attempt to get the better of their mortal enemy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Alright, that was a disaster." stated Falcon, sighing dispersedly.

"I'll say! We are soooo far behind now because of this," sighed Ganondorf, gripping the door handle.

They shut the door to their taxi, and just before they were about to pull out of King Dedede's private resort, King Dedede walked up to their taxi and tapped on the glass.

"Where were you?" asked Falcon, rolling down the window.

"Sorry I left you back there, it's just that I had to go out the back window and come around. But by the time I got back to the entrance, you guys were gone!" explained King Dedede.

"Wait... why did you waste all that effort just to get to us, when you could have just walked through the front door?" asked Ganondorf.

King Dedede shrugged.

"So you guys ready to go, or do you need some time?" asked King Dedede.

"Naaah, let's just go now." said Falcon, jumping out of the taxi cab and following the penguin.

"Looks like we're off!" said Ganondorf happily, following the duo.

_Ness and Pikachu_

"I... will destroy you, Falco." stated Ness coldly, swinging the saber in Falco's general direction.

Falco nimbly dodged the blade, the exhaustion taking over the pair of them.

The air happened to hit turbulence, sending them both flying into the ceiling of the plane, injuring them both and knocking their weapons away from them.

Ness' light saber flew through a conveniently positioned open window, while Falco's landed between the two of them.

Falco and Ness crawled very slowly to the light saber, in a very epic and upbeat manner.

Ness barely reached it in front of Falco, and kept him at bay with the fiery hot weapon.

"Back, you feathery bird bag," threatened Ness, the light saber, which was touching Falco's vest, seared a hole straight through.

Falco gulped, and held his hands high.

...

Ness swung the light saber once, decapitating Falco's head from the rest of his body in one fell swipe, his blood parting from his lifeless corpse in a rushed hurry to the train towards nowhere, skyrocketing out of his body and splashing all over Ness' delighted face. Falco's head hit the ground with a hollow thud, meanwhile his body simply collapsed and twitched involuntarily.

"What was that for?" asked a horrified Pikachu from somewhere behind Ness.

"_Revenge_," muttered Ness darkly, turning off the blue-lit light saber.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Ah damn it all," swore Lucario as he accidentally trod upon a rock, injuring himself.

"I can't find the clue anywheres!" complained Mewtwo, crawling on the sodden grass in a futile attempt to find the clue.

"That's not a word," snapped Lucario. "And besides, we've barely started looking! You sho-"

"Actually, I believe it _is_ a word," chimed in Snake, who happened to be within hearing distance.

Lucario, annoyed thoroughly by the remark, shouted back, "What do you know? It's a word, and you didn't even go to school as a kid! You went to military school, and learned what? How to _kill people with your bare hands_. Now shut up, some of us actually want to win this ra-"

"No Snake, I don't think it is a word," shot back Roy, who was even further away from the others. "After all, used in the proper context, it implies-"

"Forget it! This isn't important! Or even relevant!" jibed Lucario, his face contorted into anger.

"If you think about it enough, 'Anywheres' actually is a word, the lack of a proper, or better word fo-"

Lucario, furious, shook his brother "Shut up, shut up! Concentrate on racing! This is a pointless argume-"

"One would assume so, Mewtwo, but look it up in the Webster's Dictionary! D-"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Are you here, clue?" asked Jigglypuff, parting a bush and looking inside.

A feral cat jumped out, lashing out and clawing out Jigglypuff's eyes.

"DFHJREWDEPEHGF" screamed Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake_

"Oh, look the clue!" exclaimed Snake in a high-pitched, kiddish manner, waving it around for all to see.

"This is pointless! Here we are, arguing over the sheer instance of a word, when we could just clearly boost ourselves further along the race by searching for the next-" started Lucario, but was again interrupted.

"The clue, the clue!" continued Snake in a very annoying, high-pitched kiddish manner.

"So are we agreed that 'anywheres' is a word, yet?" asked Mewtwo eagerly.

"Yes, yes it is, just shut up about that already!" screamed Lucario angrily, punching his brother in the abdomen.

"The... clue!" said Snake again, throwing it in a temper.

Everyone immediately stared at the clue as it landed, then proceeded to grab it first before anyone else could.

_9:28 AM  
King Dedede's Private Jet Airliner Landed_

"Wow, here already?" asked Falcon in delight.

"Heck, I would've gotten us here even faster, but there was too much air traffic earlier..." shrugged King Dedede.

"Good job, Dedede!" said Ganondorf, patting the penguin on the back.

"Say, what are you even going to be doing now, since you're here and all?" asked King Dedede curiously.

"Oh, we're just continuing the r-" said Falcon, before Ganondorf gave him a swift kick to his leg.

Ganondorf covered by adding, "Yes, he's right, we're going to the redneck convention..."

"Redneck?" asked King Dedede, in his _southern accent_, "Sounds like something I'd go to!"

"Yes. Well, you had to buy a ticket by November 10th, and as you well know, it is November 11th, so you can't." said Ganondorf. "Well, we must be going, so let us be off now. Right, Falcon?"

"What? What are we talking about?" queried a confused Falcon, scratching his head as Ganondorf shoved him out of the room.

_9:30 AM  
Yoshi's Airport Cruiser Landed_

"Ah, we're finally here!" said Ness, still covered in Falco's blood.

"And at what cost?" reminded Pikachu angrily, "All our money and a felony..."

"Psssh, get over it, you hated Falco and Samus just as much as I did!" said Ness, nudging his fellow Pokémon.

Falco came out through one of the plane windows and landed on the ground, coughing up blood.

"What in Sam hell?" screamed Ness, beating Falco with a random lead pipe.

"Ow! Ow! Ow, stop, you're supposed to let me explain how I'm still alive, you dolt!" screamed Falco frantically, trying to shield the blows with his hands.

"Says who?" laughed Ness arrogantly, raising the pipe for another hit.

"The script," coughed Falco, holding up the script for the show, blood running out the side of his mouth (beak).

"Oh, my bad." said Ness meekly, lowering the lead pipe and frowning.

"Well Ness," started Falco, smirking evilly, "When you killed me, you failed to realize I in fact, possess a magical life-bearing button to where even if you are fatally wounded, you simply get back up! This button is my life-source, which is what has been keeping me alive this whole time! Now if I were to remove the button" -explained Falco, taking off the button- "like so, then I would simply fall over, and-"

Falco died from button loss.

...

Ness walked away.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Okay Toony," explained Jigglypuff, "Start thinking positively! It really helps! I mean, look, we're one of the five remaining teams! Out of eleven, that's pretty darn good if you think about it!"

Roy passed by her with the clue, laughing triumphantly, Jigglypuff stopped talking to Toon Link and called after Roy, "Congratulations on finding the next clue! Oh, and happy Elevenths day, Roy!"

She turned back to Toon Link and continued her pep talk.

"Anyways as I was saying, you need to look all your problems in the face and bravely move onward..."

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Detour!" read aloud Roy, having ripped open the clue. "Take th' Heat, or Take th' Chill?"

_"Detour! A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons!"_

_"In Take the Heat, teams must walk up to the top of Dedede Mountain, don climbing equipment, then scale down to their clue, which is dangerously close to the lava!"_

_"In Take the Chill, teams must go inside King Dedede's castle, don swimming gear, and dive into King Dedede's enormous chilling below zero temperature water Arctic Fish tank and search for their next clue!"_

_"Both teams may or may not be life-threatening, but teams with quick wits about them can complete the tasks quick enough!"_

"We have only a short time before that Speed Bump rears its ugly head, so we need to keep heading into first like we are now!" explained Snake in a positive, up-beat manner.

"We should do Take the Heat, it may take longer to get to but easier to accomplish," figured Roy as they walked towards the direction of Dedede Mountain.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Bye guys!" waved Jigglypuff overenthusiastically, to the Father and son, "And Happy Elevenths day, Snake!"

Toon Link handed her the clue, sighing empathetically as he did so.

Ripping open the clue, she read it aloud: "Detour! Take the Heat or Take the Chill?"

She paused and stared at Toon Link.

...

"What?" asked Toon Link, a look of confusion stamped on his face.

"Which one should we do?" she asked, confused.

"Why are you asking me, you're the 'team leader', you make the calls!" he said angrily, turning the other direction to avoid her piercing stare.

"But... but... I can't make a decision! Especially for something of this big in importance!" she said, trembling with fear. "What if I make the wrong decision? What if everyone laughs at me?"

"Okay, fine I'll decide!" yelled Toon Link, taking the clue and looking at it. "Let's do... uh... Take the Chill, it's closer."

"But what i-if-if it's the wrong decision?" said Jigglypuff, hyperventilating.

"Alright, fine, we'll do Take the Heat," said Toon Link, frustration starting to get to him.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Dude, did you see where they've been finding the clue?" asked Mewtwo frantically.

"Oh, so _now you care_," said Lucario, cynicism dripping from his voice.

"Yeah, before we had an urgent matter to discuss, very urgent..." explained Mewtwo, his futility rising within him.

"Yes, well, me catching up on my nap time is urgent too," said Lucario, as he was talking he stretched himself down on the warm sunlit grass and closed his eyes.

Mewtwo looked at Lucario, then at the camera, then back again.

"Well... maybe a break won't hurt us... I guess.." muttered Mewtwo to himself, sitting down for now.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Find a taxi, we need to leave this place as soon as possible. Who knows what place we're in? We could be in First, second, or even last..." said Ganondorf bitterly, "So again, let's leave as soon as possible."

"Alright, we'll go but first let's burn this place to the ground!" said Falcon with a smirk.

"Why?" asked Ganondorf.

"I don't know, I just feel like having a bit of fun since we've been forced to go around the entire world on this stupid race, and for what? A million dollars. You know, nowadays, even being a millionaire means nothing to society. You have to be a billionaire to get through in life. So what is the point of going on this pathetic rat race that isn't even going to truly benefit us? So what I'm saying is we may as well send this place up in flames and make up some far-fetched lie that the production crew made us do it. After all, if society is dumb enough to believe some lady didn't kill her son, why wouldn't they believe us?" explained Falcon in an overdone, sappy moralized tone. "So you want to help me burn this place?"

...

"F**K YEAH" screamed Ganondorf, wielding a flamethrower.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Man, is there a taxi anywheres around these parts?" questioned Ness irritably, looking around for a taxi.

"I don't think anywheres is a word," mused Pikachu aloud.

"Whatever, that doesn't matter. I wonder whatever happened to that tandem bike we always had?" wondered Ness to himself.

_The Great Sea_

Toon Link's sister could be seen lighting the tandem bike on fire with her friends, the group of them gathering around and using the heat for warmth.

_Ness and Pikachu_

Ness shrugged and the matter was forgotten from his mind.

"Ah, well it was a nice work of machinery, but everything eventually runs out of its usefulness." lamented Pikachu.

"Huh, kinda gives you a negative outlook on life, am I right?" smirked Ness mirthlessly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

Once they had finished their duty of burning the hell out of the private airstrip, the two frat boys hopped into a taxi and drove off, feeling satisfied at their work.

"Oh man, that made me feel great about myself!" said Ganondorf, laughing with excitement.

"When in doubt... torch." said Falcon euphorically.

_Roy and Snake  
Take the Heat_

The two stolid racers marched onward, up the mountain in silence, trying to get there in a hurry.

It was Roy who broke the silence, no longer able to contain it.

"Did I ever tell ye what happened to my platoon once old Stevie kicked th' bucket? People were deserting left and right. Stevie always had been one of the more popular soldiers, and with his demise, all hope had been lost. It was 1964 and the only soldiers remaining from our old platoon was Sarge, Barley, Howard and me. Everyone else either quit or died. Actually, scratch that, they just quit. Anyway, the four of us were sent on a suicide run through Kamikaze Creek. Howard was a rookie, straight from the recruit dispatch. As for Sarge, he was just badass. No doubt in my mind about that. Anyways, we had just reached the creek when we were ambushed by them commie Vietnamese. They got the jump on us and killed Sarge before he had the chance to do anythin'. Then Howard, Barley and me were sent to their prison facility and were given nothin' but bread and food. There wasn't even proper padding, what torture! But that's not the point. They took the three of us and forced us tae play Russian roulette. How they knew how tae play, being Vietnamese, I still don't know. But th' sad part was that Barley lost the game. Rest in peace, comrade. As for me and m' mate Howard, we were th' only ones left outta the entire platoon, and that very night we slit the sentries' throats and stole their AK-47s and gave those commies hell..."

"SHUT UP! HAS IT EVER OCCURED TO YOU THAT SOME OF US DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR THIS?" screamed Snake furiously.

"Actually, I do." said the cameraman.

The camera conveniently switched to another team right when Snake pounced on the cameraman with his bowie knife.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Take the Chill_

"So are we agreed we're doing Take the Chill?" asked Toon Link, looking hopeful.

"Ye-N-Maybe..." stuttered Jigglypuff. "No, let's do Take the Heat. That's my final answer."

Toon Link raised an eyebrow.

"No it isn't," wept Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"I found the clue, Lucario! Can we go now?" asked Mewtwo desperately.

"Finally, I was beginning to think we were going to get eliminated because of you!" said Lucario cruelly, getting himself up.

"What? But you just suddenly started laying down and didn't move so I thought you were-"

"Hush, my moronic brother," said Lucario, smiling sadistically as he patted his brother's cheek, "All is alright. Do you see Ness about, per chance? What about the dullard Frats? No? Exactly. Calm yourself."

Lucario snatched the clue from his taller and slower brother, and opened it.

"Detour, Take the Heat or Take the Chill?" read Lucario aloud.

He turned to his brother, "We're doing Take the Heat, it's faster. Oh and by the way, that was payback for wasting our time arguing over a stupid word. You'll also be doing the Roadblock for this leg."

"But I can't, you have less roadblocks done than I ha-" Mewtwo's words were cut short as Lucario forced him to the ground and punched him in his eye.

"You're doing the roadblock," repeated Lucario, spitting in his brother's eye.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Hey, do you know what you're getting for Christmas?" asked Ganondorf.

"Naw man, it's only November 11th, I'll start deciding when it's actually December." replied Falcon airily.

...

The cameraman switched to a different scene.

_Roy and Snake  
Take the Heat_

"Do yae think we're there yet?" asked Roy to his team mate.

"No we have to walk past that TV station, the one that must be the local newscast station, see it?" exclaimed Snake, pointing to the said TV station a good 30 yards away.

"Gee, I wonder who runs the blinkin' ould place," wondered Roy aloud.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Take the Chill_

"We decided on Take the Chill for now." said Jigglypuff, resolutely, to the camera. But shortly after she broke down sobbing.

Toon Link sighed and dragged his team mate to the interior of Dedede Castle.

_Roy and Snake  
Take the Heat_

"That's the task, right there. If we start sprinting, we should make it in about ninety seconds." said Snake, picking up speed towards the top of the mountain.

Roy struggled to keep up, his better days were long past him.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Take the Chill_

"Okay, fine, I promise I won't break down into tears anymore, okay?" sighed Jigglypuff, wiping away the tears.

"Good. Now help me put on this swimming gear so we can complete the rotten task!" said Toon Link, donning his water apparatus.

_Roy and Snake  
Take the Heat_

"You think th' twins'll be a problem this leg?" asked Roy to his son, as a safety instructor was correctly applying the gear onto him.

"No, not a problem at all." said Snake devilishly, his smile revealing his unusually clean teeth.

"How are your teeth so clean when all you learned to do was kill people?" asked Roy, somewhat disgusted.

"Oh, no reason," said Snake, human blood foaming out of his mouth.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Take the Chill_

"We have our gear on, now where's that life-sized fish tank?" asked Toon Link.

"Right... here!" said a Waddle Dee instructor, yanking a cord which controlled the curtains.

The curtains pulled back, revealing the fish tank in all its glory, a hammer head shark and a Great White duking it out within, as in the mean time all assortments of fish swam by, Toon Link even reckoned he saw a Narwhal in there at one point.

"We have to go in that?" screamed Jigglypuff, horrified.

"Oh, no no," laughed the Waddle Dee casually, pulling back another curtain, "..._this_ is the one you'll be diving in!"

The pulled back, revealing an even larger fish tank, roughly reaching the ceiling of the enormous hall, at least half twice the size of the other previous tank.

Jigglypuff fainted.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

"The road passes that old abandoned TV station. At least, it looks abandoned..." reckoned Lucario, carrying the clue they had gotten just a few minutes ago and nothing else.

Mewtwo lagged behind having forced to carry all the team equipment.

"Wait up..."

"I wonder how those frats are doing, we haven't seen them at all today since we left Yoshi's Island," mused Lucario aloud.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We have maybe a good two-minute head start on that kid Ness," said Ganondorf to his comrade in racing. They were inside a taxi, quickly reaching the destination of the Town square. "If we continue to accomplish things in an orderly fashion, we might be able to actually beat him!"

Their taxi parked next to the Twins' and Students' taxis in front of Chef Kawasaki's Diner.

Ness and Pikachu's (Well scratch that, just Ness') taxi parked in the parking spot next to theirs, the boy waving childishly to the other team.

Ganondorf and Falcon scrambled out of their taxi in a hurry, not wanting to be passed up by the other back-packing team.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"Huh, I wonder what that was all about," inquired Ness, before hopping out the car with Pikachu behind him.

"Whatever it was, let's follow them, they're going into that Souvenir Shop!" said Pikachu quickly.

They sped after the Frats in a hurry, not wanting to be left behind.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"So what's the plan?" asked Ganondorf to his cousin, the two of them hiding behind the Pokémon stand in the shop.

Falcon looked around the room, and noticed all the Pikachus.

"Bingo," said Falcon evilly as he went to put his plan in motion.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

Ness, with his stuffed ally Pikachu in tow, walked inside the store.

"Well I don't know why Meta-Knight would be in here for!" said Ness, about to walk out.

"Distraction!" yelled Falcon loudly.

Ness turned around, but tripped on the cord that the frats had planted.

Pikachu flew out of his hands, and landed in the pile of stuffed doll Pikachus.

"PIKACHU!" screamed Ness shrilly, immediately diving into the pile to search for his lifelong friend.

"It worked perfectly!" said Falcon, frat-fiving his partner as they ran out, "That ought to keep him busy for a long while!"

Ness sorted through the Pikachu dolls in a feverish attempt to discriminate the common Pikachu doll from the one he specially favored, the same doll that had been through thick and thin with him.

He narrowed the search down to two, and found himself hard -pressed to determine which one was his pal.

"How will I ever know which one of you is the real one?" screamed Ness in desperation.

"Lo que estás hablando? ¿Quién eres y por qué te quedas me molestan?" said Pikachu #1, an actual living Pikachu.

"Ness, it's me, Pikachu! Your old friend! How on earth can you not recognize me?" asked Pikachu the _clearly stuffed doll inanimate object_.

Ness looked at the first Pikachu, then the second one.

Ness looked at the first Pikachu, then the second one.

Ness looked at the first Pikachu, then the second one.

Ness looked at the first Pikachu, then the second one.

...

He took the first one and walked out.

The real Pikachu watched him walk out with the wrong one, and frowned.

"You've got to be kidding me," said Pikachu testily, "You son of a bi-"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

Approaching the clue box, Falcon reached it first and pulled out the clue. Ripping open the clue, he read it aloud: "Detour! Take the Heat or Take the Chill?"

He turned to his partner. "What do you think, bro?"

"Hmm, they're both equally difficult... I'd have to go with Take the Heat though, I don't think the other one will be very easy..." said Ganondorf, as he stroked his man-beard in a very professional manner.

"Alrighty then, let's go do that task then!" said Falcon spastically, sprinting up the mountain trail to the destination.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

Ness arrived about half a minute after the frats had left, unaware he was right on their heels.

He took the clue, muttering bad-temperedly, "When I catch up to those darned frats, they're done for!"

"¿Por qué me secuestro? Cuando estás tomando me?" said the Pikachu, confused of the situation.

"Detour, Take the Heat or Take the Chill?" read Ness aloud. "Hmm, sounds like a hard decision. What do you say, Pikachu?"

"Lo que estás hablando? Yo no hablo inglés." said Pikachu, waving his arms to get Ness' attention.

"Man Pikachu, why are you acting so weird?" laughed Ness, having an understanding of Spanish. "But if you want to play dumb, you got it! Desvío, el frío o el calor?"

"Usted hablar mi idioma, pero aún no es posible que aún no tienen sentido." stated Pikachu calmly.

"Fine then, keep being an idiot!" said Ness angrily. "We're doing Take the Chill!"

He gripped the Pikachu's arm and escorted him inside Dedede Castle.

_Roy and Snake  
Take the Heat_

"Now that we're finally ready to scale..." said Snake, finally scaling downwards, towards the clue box that was dangerously close to the boiling lava fumes.

"Is this even legal?" asked Roy, "Did they even think o' th' safety of the racers?"

"Actually, this was listed on your liability waivers, the stuff you signed prior to the race," said Jerry the cameraman.

"What... yae mean those legal documents we had tae sign two days before we started racing?" asked Roy.

"Yeah, that." replied Jerry.

A wavy flashback occured, akin to that of the TV show _Lost_.

_"Snake ye fool, stop runnin' about like a fool and come help yore father sign these papers!" yelled Roy in the kitchen, as Snake ran by yelling something incoherent, firing a G36C. _

_Roy muttered something about ignorance, and continued reading the liability waiver. What he failed to notice, however, was the end of the waiver landed into the pot filled with the soup he was (poorly) cooking, and it eventually dissipated into nothingness, leaving Roy with no waiver._

_"Oh well," shrugged Roy comically, as if he were on a kids' comedy show, "At least I still have my soup!"_

_A laugh track played._

"So you're telling me you never signed the liability waiver?" said Jerry the cameraman, horrified.

"Um... yeah... what's wrong with that?" asked Roy nervously.

Fearing a lawsuit might occur, Jerry stopped speaking altogether and simply shoved Roy off the ledge into the volcano, in an attempt to murder the red-haired swordsman.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

As the two psychic twins passed up the TV station on the way to the task, they decided to take a small five-minute break.

As they were sitting down on a pair of rocks, sharing the canteen of water amongst each other, Mewtwo eyed the oddly-placed TV station, "I wonder what that station is doing, positioned here on top of a fire mountain, near the top I might add!"

"I don't care what it's doing up here, as long as we can use it to find our way back down here!" said Lucario, still livid from earlier.

Mewtwo decided not to press the matter any further with his irate brother, and continued sitting in silence.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Take the Heat_

"This must be where the mountain trail begins," said Falcon, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Good, we need to get a move-on before Ness catches up with us," said Ganondorf, following his frat brother up the trail.

"Do you reckon he chose this task?" asked Falcon nervously, pausing to ponder this.

"Naw man, he probably chose the other one. Forget about him for now, let's just concentrate on the task ahead." explained Ganondorf, walking past his team mate.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Take the Chill_

Jigglypuff and Toon Link could be seen inside the tank, searching desperately for the clue as they were attacked by an odd assortment of fish and mammals.

"This is good film," commented the cameraman, smiling at the racers' plight.

The tank water started to turn red.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Take the Chill_

Ness walked inside the castle hall where the other team was, dragging the perplexed Pikachu with him.

"Cuando estás tomando me? ¿Cuál es el significado de esto?" yelled the Pikachu, resisting Ness' grasp.

"Pikachu, what is wrong with you today? First you won't talk to me. Now, you won't shut up... but in Spanish! I didn't even know you knew Spanish!" exclaimed Ness, depressingly.

He turned to the task instructor and held his hand out for the swimming equipment. The instructor handed him a hand bone.

"Thanks," said Ness, "Now as I was sayi- WHAT THE HELL?"

The task instructor turned out to be Falco, who cackled evilly.

"Wahahaha! You thought you could get rid of me, Ness? Well, think again you idiot kid! As long as I have this power bracelet, I'll just keep coming back alive... again, and again, again, again, and again! I will haunt you at every turn until you die, Ness! Until you DIE!" cackled Falco evilly, rushing Ness.

Ness sidestepped out of the way, and Falco ran straight into the water tank. It cracked the side, leaving a huge gash into it.

"I wonder if he's dead..." mused Ness. "It's times like these when you don't want to take any chances!"

He stuffed C4 down the bird's throat and detonated it.

"Let's see you recover from that!" cackled Ness evilly, now donning his swim gear.

"Esto es una locura! ¿Por Qué tan sólo matar ese hombre pájaro?" exclaimed Pikachu, horrified.

"Oh, I forgot about you. Come on dude, get in the pool!" said Ness, throwing Pikachu in the water tank.

_Roy and Snake  
Take the Heat_

Roy, having been pushed off the ledge but fortunately had been tied in, was dangling upside down next to the clue box.

"Dad, grab it! We don't have much time!" yelled Snake frantically, a good two or three yards higher up.

Roy's face kept slamming into the clue box in a painful cartoony fashion.

"Dad, what are you doing? Stop messing around, other teams might be showing up soon!" said Snake loudly.

Roy grunted in pain, trying to grip the clue box upside down and pull out the clue. He lost his grip and slammed into the clue box again.

"Dad, this is getting ridiculous. Just get the clue, this isn't even funny anymore." said Snake plainly.

Roy was knocked unconscious, his entire face bleeding.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

"Ahh, this was a good break," said Lucario, stretching his legs as he prepared to begin scaling the mountain again.

Mewtwo was just putting the gear on his back when he noticed the frats further down the mountain, coming in their direction.

Without a word, Mewtwo stopped what he was doing and simply started sprinting up the mountain.

Lucario simply watched him go up the mountainside, scratching his cranium. "Huh, wonder what's wrong with that idio-"

The jackal ran to catch up with his brother, as he too noticed the rivaling team on their way.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Take the Heat_

The frats, whom were further down the mountainside, were climbing stolidly on.

"Say, those two figures we saw next to the TV station started running again," said Falcon, peering ahead.

"Well, do they look like anyone we know? Like the kids?" asked Ganondorf, lagging behind his more fit cousin.

"Actually, they do... they look similar to the- hey, those are the twins, bro! Look!" said Falcon excitedly, "Look, look! We caught up to them! And they're makin' a break for it!"

"Then enough talking, let's see if we can beat them to the task." said Ganondorf simply, picking up the pace.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

The twins were of a similar mind, neither one speaking as they sped up the mountain, in a desperate attempt to stay ahead of the athletic frats.

Both Lucario and his younger brother knew of Falcon's infamous athleticism, so they tried their hardest to keep in the lead.

_Roy and Snake  
Take the Heat_

Roy finally came back to consciousness, and managed to weakly grab a clue.

"Good job, dad! Now we just need to get you out of there!" said Snake.

Solid Snake paused, wondering how he would accomplish this.

"I know what to do," he said finally, coming to an amend.

He climbed back to the top and starting pulling Roy out with the rope attached to him.

Unfortunately, this simply caused Roy's face to get even more injured as it was being smashed into the rock wall every few seconds.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

The two twins came up from behind Snake, and immediately began strapping themselves in with no help from any instructors.

"Is the task hard?" asked Mewtwo rapidly, to Snake.

"Not if you're good at climbing," replied Snake.

"Good," said Mewtwo, as he and his brother literally jumped off the mountain edge into the volcano entrance.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Make your way to Dedede Mountain, if not already there, and go inside the power room for the local TV station!" read Snake aloud, every word he said with excitement and in a very high-pitched voice.

"Ohhh, my face," groaned Roy, his face completely covered in dirt and blood.

"Come on dad! Quit moping, I think we're still in first!" said Snake happily, gripping his dad's hand and running down the mountainside.

Roy fell in a pot hole.

"My bad," said Snake, looking sheepish.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

The leap of faith proved to be very rewarding, both Twins close to the clue box, but not close enough for either of them to reach the next clue.

"Now how are we supposed to get to that clue?" asked Mewtwo, looking puzzled.

"This is how," said Lucario, taking grass clippers and sawing through Mewtwo's rope.

Mewtwo fell to his untimely demise, missing the ledge completely, and instead landed further down. The force of the landing completely broke Mewtwo's right leg.

"Oh my god this hurts," whimpered Mewtwo. "Well... if anything, at least I'm still alive!"

The poisonous fumes from the volcano made Mewtwo asphyxiate, he started convoluting and twitching.

Lucario just shrugged.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Take the Heat_

The frats finally reached the foot of the volcano, having passed the Father and son on the way up to the top.

"See those ropes?" commented Ganondorf, pointing to two ropes that seemed to be flailing about on their own, "That's the twins alright. Let's hurry up and get ourselves strapped in so we can pass them up!"

They began suiting up for the task ahead.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We have the clue," said Jigglypuff once she was out of the water tank.

Toon Link opened the clue and read aloud: "Make your way to Dedede Mountain, if not already there, and go inside the power room for the local TV station! Wow, that's a little unfair, anyone who chose Take the Heat has a range advantage!"

"Let's hurry up and leave, Ness looks as if he's almost finished with the task!" said Toon Link with enthusiasm.

"See you, Ness! And Happy Elevenths Day!" yelled Jigglypuff as she and her team mate left.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Take the Chill_

"Darn, where would this clue be?" asked Ness to Pikachu angrily, the annoyance of the task getting to him.

"¿Por qué estamos incluso haciendo esto? Todo esto es inútil." replied Pikachu, still not understanding the purpose of any of this.

"I know, right? The task _is_ pointless!" said Ness in agreement.

"Lo que quiero saber es por qué se tiran como soy algunos rellenos jugar cosa." said Pikachu rapidly.

"Maybe if we were to split up... you could go that way, and I could go this way!" said Ness, swimming in the other direction.

"Veo a rayas amarillas y rojas envolvente. Debo recuperarla?" queried Pikachu, looking down further in the pool.

"Yeah, I don't care, just go over there," shrugged off Ness, unaware of what Pikachu was fully saying.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

"Just a little lower; I can almost reach it!" said Mewtwo with excitement in his voice, reaching out for the clue box.

Lucario rappelled even further down. Then again, and accidentally getting both him and him brother tangled up with their ropes.

"YOU IDIOT!" screeched Lucario, punching his brother, which caused their weight to swing around and slam the jackal into the rock wall.

Lucario was knocked out.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Take the Heat_

"Hahaha, lookit the Twins, they're really in a **bind** right about now!" laughed Falcon oafishly.

Falcon continued laughing for several seconds at his pathetic attempt of a joke.

"Are you done yet?" asked Ganondorf angrily.

...

Falcon burst out laughing again.

Ganondorf simply sighed and crossed his arms.

...All while rappelling.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

"Can you reach the clue?" asked Mewtwo sheepishly, his brother reaching out with one hand.

"We are closer... to each other... than I ever wanted to be," said Lucario behind gritted teeth.

"Just get the clue, so we can leave this bunk." sighed Mewtwo.

Lucario managed to grab one of the clues, but that didn't solve the issue of being tangled together.

"Okay, get your paw around there- yes, like that, and then try to make more of leg room when you... yes, perfect." said Lucario, getting him and his brother untangled.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"There 'tis, that TV station!" said Roy excitedly, pointing out in the distance.

They ran inside and slammed the door shut.

"Well there it is, sittin' as pretty as ya please, the Speed Bump," said Roy resentfully, the Speed Bump with their faces stamped onto the board, the clue for the rest of the racers right next to it.

"Wait... we hadn't already done the Speed Bump yet?" said Snake in horror.

"And when, pray tell, did ye think we was goin' ter do the Speed Bump?" asked Roy angrily.

"Good point," said Snake sheepishly.

Roy gingerly took the Speed Bump clue and ripped it open.

_"Speed Bump!" said Koopa Troopa, "A Speed Bump is a task that only Roy and Snake must complete, as a penalty for coming in last on the previous non-elimination leg!"_

_"In this Speed Bump, they must solve this Rubik's Cube and successfully get all the color coded squares in the right sections! This task is actually a flashback task, it was a fast forward for the first season!" said Koopa Troopa, as-a-matter-of-factly._

"Oh, this task was on the first season... team Snake and Pikachu had to do it as a fast forward." reminisced season two Snake. "... But that's not relevant! Let's do this task to the best of our abilities!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"God, I can't see through all this rain," said Toon Link, the rain having picked up again after a short stop.

"Ask that guy over there, maybe he knows?" suggested Jigglypuff confusedly.

They approached Meta-Knight, whom was sitting next to a cooler with several Waddle Dees.

"So then I was all like, whoooa dude, lay off on the alcohol," said Meta-Knight to his cooler pals, emphasizing every word with annoying hand motions.

Jigglypuff tapped him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, what is it, do I need to have another take at the camer-HOLY SH*T GET AWAY FROM ME!1" screamed Meta-Knight, who jumped at the sight of Jigglypuff.

"What? Why, what's wrong?" asked Jigglypuff, utterly confused.

"Go away, Ex-girlfriend! Go away!" moaned Meta-Knight desperately, holding his arms out in self-defense.

"What are you talking about, I've never met you in my life!" said Jigglypuff.

"Oh, sorry about that, you look exactly like my Ex-girlfriend." said Meta-Knight apologetically.

"Oh, really now? How weird." laughed Jigglypuff.

"Yeah, me and her went on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race... what a nightmare that was." sighed Meta-Knight sadly.

"Wow, really?" laughed Toon Link, "We're racers on the second season. In fact, we're racing right now!"

"What, you need help or something?" asked Meta-Knight.

"Yeah, we need directions. Do you know where Dedede Mountain is?" asked Jigglypuff.

Meta-Knight was about to make up some excuse where he couldn't remember because of the hangover he had earlier in the day when luckily a Waddle Dee chimed in, "Yeah, it's a 600 yards that-a-way!"

"Thanks, dude!" said Toon Link, as he and Jigglypuff were walking away.

"Happy Elevenths Day to all of you!" said Jigglypuff with enthusiasm.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

The two brothers managed to get untangled but were having trouble reaching the top of the mountain again.

"Out o' my way you fool," snarled Lucario, his back leg catching Mewtwo in his nose.

"Daagh, N'ook what Ngou've done," spluttered Mewtwo, his nose spurting blood.

"Well maybe you'll think twice before climbing directly below me!" snapped Lucario testily,

The frats, meanwhile, seemed to have no qualms whatsoever.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Take the Heat_

"Can you grab it, bro? I'm too far away!" called out Ganondorf from a distance.

"Sure thing, duuude!" replied Falcon, reaching out for it. He inched even closer, and took the clue.

"Now we just have to make it back up," lamented Ganondorf, climbing up after the Twins.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

"Ugh, there's the bothersome frats, they're right behind us!" said Lucario with malice in his tone.

"Den why don't d'you do domething d'about it?" said a still broken-nosed Mewtwo.

"As a matter of fact, I will!" yelled Lucario, using his psychic powers to dislodge a sharpened rock and chunking it at the frats.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Take the Heat_

Falcon barely had time to avoid the rock; it left a gash in his right shoulder.

Ganondorf, however, had worse of it: the rock impaled his left arm.

"Don't worry cuz, we'll get that rock out of you in a... a... damn, what's that word again?" said Falcon confusedly.

"_Jiffy_," replied Ganondorf weakly, clutching his arm.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Take the Heat_

"You see them, are they catching up to us?" asked Lucario.

"Dope, d'ey're sdlowing down!" said Mewtwo nasally.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Take the Heat_

"Come back here, you rotten psychics!" yelled Falcon, reaching to grab Mewtwo's foot.

Mewtwo dealt the frat a sharp kick to the hand, knocking Falcon even further back.

"Ha ha, we beat them! We beat the frats!" shouted Lucario victoriously, reaching the top ledge.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way to Dedede Mountain, if not already there, and go inside the power room for the local TV station!" read Lucario out loud.

"Ducario! D'elp bme up!" called out Mewtwo, struggling to get himself out from the hole.

Lucario gripped his brother's arms and helped him out. Mewtwo felt honored that his normally selfish brother performed such a deed, though he knew it was only because it benefitted him in the end.

"Okay, we need to go to that TV station we saw on the way up here." explained Lucario.

"M'kay, goddit." nodded Mewtwo, gripping his bleeding nose.

They didn't even wait to take off the climbing gear, they simply started sprinting down the mountainside.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Take the Heat_

"Don't worry duuude, we'll catch up to them before the day is over," decided Falcon. "Their comeuppance will come real soon..."

_Roy and Snake  
Attempting Speed Bump_

Snake sat there on a supply crate, next to a thin wooden table, his hands working furiously on the Rubik's Cube, infamously frustrating to solve.

Roy was merely observing his son, and would every once in a while would open his mouth, only for Snake to rant and rave at him.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

Lucario ran ahead of his brother, the latter lagging behind greatly.

"Keep up, you soft-hearted maggot!" called Lucario over his shoulder, taking on a burst of speed.

"Gan't... gkeep dup..." panted Mewtwo, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth as he starting slowing under the weight of the climbing gear. "We shudda daken the gear d'off..."

"Quit wastin' yer breath, Mewtwo!" laughed Lucario, "That nose of yours is givin' you a speech impediment!"

Mewtwo tripped on an outspread rock, and tumbled the rest of the way down, past Lucario.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Up there, further along the trail - can you see it?" asked Jigglypuff, beaming with excitement.

"Yeah, yeah I see it. And wait... is that another team in the distance way up there also?" queried Toon Link.

"Why, it certainly is! Let's get a move on so we aren't left behind!" exclaimed Jigglypuff, moving _.00001 mph faster than she was before_.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Make your way to Dedede Mountain, if not already there, and go inside the power room for the local TV station..." read Ganondorf to his team mate, Falcon, as the latter kicked off the last bit of climbing gear away from him.

"We have to hurry, who knows where those Twins have gone off to already!" replied Falcon with urgency in his tone.

"I agree duuude," said Ganondorf, as he and his team mate starting making their way down the mountain top.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way to Dedede Mountain, if not already there, and go inside the power room for the local TV station." read Ness off the clue. Turning to the Pikachu, he shrugged and added, "At least we aren't that far behind Jigglypuff and Toon Link, if anything."

"¿Sabes qué? Yo ni siquiera les importa lo que suceda nunca más, sólo hace lo que tiene que hacer, entonces me dejan ser." said Pikachu with a vigor.

"Good to see we're on the same page then." nodded Ness, grabbing Pikachu's arm again and walking outside.

_Roy and Snake  
Attempting Speed Bump_

"By Jove, I think I almost have it!" said Snake, his fingers working in a frenzy on the Rubik's Cube.

"Good job son, I knew ye could do it," remarked Roy, clapping his son on the shoulder.

Snake made a few more switcharounds on the cube at the last second, then held it up to the camera for it to see.

"Hahar, you did it son!" said Roy with excitement.

Snake then flipped the cube over, revealing one little blue cube on the red side.

...

"MOTHERFU-"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Er," said Mewtwo, having walked inside the same room as the father and son, "Is diss da room wid the dext dclue?"

"It's next door," said Roy simply.

"D'anks," said Mewtwo, closing the door.

Lucario was already there, with the next clue in hand. Mewtwo glanced over to the billboard that was the Speed Bump, and noticed the father and son were placed on there.

"D'it looks dike dey d'have de Sp'geed Dump to do..." reasoned Mewtwo, his accent hard to understand from his swollen nose.

"I can't believe this," said Lucario simply, having read the clue and even re-read it to make sure it said what it did. "Roadblock..."

_"Roadblock! A roadblock is a task only one person may perform!"_

_"In this roadblock, teams must now walk inside __to this local film studio and make a thirty second ad for one of three products of their choice, using provided equipment! Once their ad screens to the company executives and they approve of it, teams will be handed their next clue!" explained Koopa._

_"Each team member will be receiving assistance from Kirby and Quinn... wait, scratch that, just Kirby, the latter is reported to have been shot to death just last month. Anyways, they'll be receiving professional help."_

"We get to meet Quinn the celebrity, after all this time," said Lucario with some form of restraint in his tone.

"D'oh, you ngmean dat ferret spogesperdson?" asked Mewtwo with a bit of excitement in his tone.

"Yes," said Lucario, trying to keep a level voice. "We're seeing the ferret spokesperson that you see on TV."

Mewtwo ran excitedly inside, followed by a less-than-thrilled Lucario.

Kirby happened to be just getting out of the bathroom when Mewtwo ran up to him.

"Misdur Gwen, whodd an hodder do meet you!" said Mewtwo, blood spraying Kirby's face.

"Pleased to meet you, I'm Kirby," explained Kirby (who was actually Quinn undercover), shaking his hand with one, the other wiping the blood out of his eyes.

"Whudd? You're nodd misdur Gwen?" said Mewtwo. "You loog lig him, and talk lig him doo!"

Just then, a police officer happened to be walking by.

"_I have no idea what you are talking about_," said Kirby (Quinn) in a strange tone, winking at Mewtwo.

"D'What's wrong widd your eye, misdur Gwen? It's dwitching!" said Mewtwo in alarm.

The police officer, hearing the racket coming from the two of them, starting walking in their direction.

"No, you don't get it mate," said Quinn, shaking his head. "I'm _Kirby_..."

"D'ats ridickulous, I know who you are, yer misdur Gwen!" said Mewtwo his face uncomfortably close to Quinn's, more blood spraying from his mouth and nose onto Quinn's face, some of it even landing in his mouth.

Quinn, noticing the cop approaching fast, quickly scribbled something down on a napkin with a sharpie and handed it to the psychic cat.

"'D'I'm undur cubber, I d'am ackshully Gwe-D'ohh, D'I gedd it!" said Mewtwo with understanding.

"Is there a problem here Kirby?" asked the police man, putting a hand on Quinn's shoulder.

"It was nothing," stated Quinn sharply, wiping a bit of blood out from his eye, and some more from his red cardigan. "This young fellow just wanted an autograph, that's all."

The police man looked from the short runty ferret, to Mewtwo, who was nodding vigorously.

"Alright then, but if this fellow brings you any more trouble, let me know." said the police man, walking off.

"Now then, me matey, what is it you need from me?" asked Quinn, putting an arm around Mewtwo's shoulder.

"We haff to do de dask, me and my brudder are on a race..." said Mewtwo.

"Ah, yes, the race. I remember when I was on it, remember it like it was yesterday. Right this way, chum." said Quinn, leading Mewtwo inside the recording room.

Lucario, who had been listening the whole time but saying nothing, merely followed inside, shaking his head at his foolish brother.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Inside- quick! I see those kids again!" moaned Falcon, sprinting inside as if he were being pursued by demons.

Ganondorf quickly followed, not wanting to be left behind.

"Roadblock. One person must now record a twenty second commercial with previous TESAR racers Quinn and Kirby for their next clue. Once you have successfully recorded one, you will be given your next clue!" read Falcon aloud.

"Okay, let's just hurry this up so we can move on," said Ganondorf. "I'll do it, you've done about six already."

_Roy and Snake  
Attempting Speed Bump_

"Errrgh, It's a stupid cube, why is this so hard?" screamed Snake in desperation, throwing the cube against the ground.

"Why don't yae let me have a go at it?" said Roy helpfully.

"Fine then, but don't come whining to me when you can't solve it..." muttered Snake.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Up here, just a bit further and we'll be on our way!" said Jigglypuff, out of breath.

"Almost... there..." coughed Toon Link, literally crawling from the all-out sprint from earlier.

"I think we're doing pretty good for now," said Jigglypuff, flopping onto the ground.

The two decided on taking a break, not wanting to move any further.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

Ness followed the town's rugged pathway, until he reached the mountain trail. Wordlessly, he and Pikachu trudged up after the other teams, unaware that they were in dead last.

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

"Now, what we have to do is film a good twenty second commercial from one of these three items," said Quinn, showing the items one by one. "A toothbrush, an orange, or Wilshire farms Little Smokies."

Mewtwo thought about which one they would do.

"Toofbrush," he said finally.

"Alright. Now come up with a sketch for us to do, I'll be back in about five minutes." said Quinn, walking outside.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

Ganondorf walked inside the studio, and ran straight into Quinn.

"Good grief man, watch where you're going!" said Quinn, wiping himself off.

"Sorry duuude, I guess I was being a little carele- Oh, you're that celebrity Quinn McIntosh!" said Ganondorf, holding out his hand.

_I have no idea what you are talking about_," said Quinn in a strange tone. "I'm Kirby, the assistant to Quinn."

"Whatever you say, it doesn't matter to me." said Ganondorf, following him into the TV studio.

"Alright, let me explain the rules, we have to do a good twenty second commercial from one of these three items," said Quinn, showing the items one by one. "A toothbrush, an orange, or Wilshire farms Little Smokies."

"Hmm... I'd have to go with Wilshire farms Little Smokies." said Ganondorf.

"Good. Now while you come up with an idea," sighed Quinn, trying to hold it in, "I need to take a leak."

He walked out of the second TV booth.

_Roy and Snake  
Attempting Speed Bump_

"Ah-ha! I think I've got it," said Roy, almost done with the cube.

"Well hurry it up, the other teams could be showing up at any moment now!" said Snake, "I thought I even saw the twins earlier!"

"You did, they asked us for directions tae the next clue and yew gave it t' them," said Roy bitterly.

...

"Wait, that was them?" asked Snake in alarm, snatching the cube from his dad's hands and messing with it.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Do you think we're in last?" asked Toon Link, taking a drink from his canteen.

"I don't know, but we're definitely not in first. That one team we saw was ahead of us!" said Jigglypuff. "In fact, just thinking about it makes me want to start running again!"

She got up and started running again.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place_

"There: see them? That's Jigglypuff alright. And is that Toon Link on the other side of that huge rock? Let's start making a run for it, they're starting to try again." said Ness, dragging the Pikachu along, still under the impression it was the right Pikachu.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Man, that task was tiring. Let's leave before anyone else shows up!" said Snake with urgency.

"Roadblock. One person must now record a twenty second commercial with previous TESAR racers Quinn and Kirby for their next clue. Once you have successfully recorded one, you will be given your next clue." read Roy aloud. "Aye, we get t' meet that celebrity on TV..."

"Alright, so let's hurry up and go to the task, otherwise before we know it, we'll be stuck in a hut with the other annoying eliminated teams!" said Snake, the sheer thought of the teams from the past irking him.

_Elimination Station_

"This week, on... Elimination Station!" said some random Boo. "We find out how well the previous racers do against being woken up at 4:23 AM in the morning!"

The Boo poured water all over Wolf and Fox, who _happened to be in the same bed_.

"Aaaah, what the hell?" screamed Wolf, wiping the water out of his eyes. "Foxy, baby, what are you doing!"

"Crikey, they're trying to fight back!" said the Boo, flying through the wall so he wouldn't be assaulted.

The cameraman, however, being a Shy Guy, wasn't quite so lucky.

_The Extra Smashy Amazing Race_

"Now let's get out of here before that becomes reality!" said Snake, running out the door.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Do you think that there's any chance we're not last?" said Toon Link morbidly.

"Don't talk like that, I'm pretty sure there's at least one team behind us... and not only that, but stop being so depressing! It'll get you nowhere in life, so think more positively!" said Jigglypuff breathlessly.

"Yeah, that's exactly what you should do!"

"Did you say something?" asked Jigglypuff to Toon Link.

"Um, no I didn't... why?" said Toon Link.

"I could've sworn you said, 'Yeah, that's exactly what you should do'," replied Jigglypuff.

"Well I didn't say anything... and you didn't say anything... soooo..."

Ness tackled Toon Link right as he came to that realization.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Make your way to the orphanage down by Dedede school, back in Cappy Town!" read Lucario aloud, while Mewtwo applied bandages to his swollen nose.

_"Teams must now go back down the mountain, back into Cappy Town, to the local orphanage and give every bit of their racing money to the orphanage! If teams fail to comply, then it sucks to suck!" said Koopa._

"Ledds go, de udder tgeams d'are showing ubb," warned Mewtwo to his team mate.

"Right you are, my incompetent brother! Now let us go and claim first place." said Lucario, grabbing his brother by the shoulder.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

Ganondorf decided he was going to be a douche and rip-off from another commercial.

"Wow, you're really good at this!" smiled Quinn, revealing rows of sharp fangs.

"No, I'm just being uncreative in order to stay in." explained Ganondorf. "So I'm ripping off other people who are successful in life just so I can accomplish this task as quickly and orderly as possible, all for some pathetic rat race for only a million dollars."

...

"You know what, forget what I just said, keep believing what you want." finished Ganondorf.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

"Okay, because Mr. Kirby is busy at the moment, I'll be of your assistance." said a Waddle Dee.

"Alright." nodded Snake.

"Now, we have to make a twenty-second advertisement of one of these three items..." said the Waddle Dee, laying them down in front of the racer.

"This one," said Snake, holding up Wilshire Farms Little Smokies, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

Ness and Toon Link were locked in a fist fight, punching, kicking, even biting to an extent.

Jigglypuff merely looked onward, not wanting to get involved.

"I can't be eliminated, not here, not now!" yelled Ness, his fist connecting into Toon Link's face.

"Me and Jiggs didn't come this far just to be rejected either," screamed Toon Link, knocking Ness off of him.

Jigglypuff decided to run for the TV station, while everyone else was distracted. Unfortunately, by this time Pikachu decided to go ahead and help out Ness, so he started chasing after her.

Jigglypuff almost made it inside when Pikachu attacked, knocking both down the plateau that the station was sitting on, landing painfully on the ground.

"We're not going down without a fight!" screamed Ness, choking Toon Link.

Toon Link managed to barely kick Ness in between the legs, then gasp in some air.

He then started sprinting for the TV station, while he still had the chance.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

The twins simply ambled past the two fighting teams, and made their way back to town.

"Huh, looks like some people couldn't agree on somethings," mused Lucario, as he observed the fist fight between Ness and Pikachu.

"We shudd hurry, d'ey're nodd dat far behind..." suggested Mewtwo.

"Right, well, let us vamoose..." said Lucario, starting into a jog.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Do you get tired of brushing your teeth with toothbrushes?" asked Ganondorf, smiling cheekily. "Ever find that toothbrushes just don't work for you?"

A shot of Quinn brushing his teeth with the wrong side of a toothbrush appeared.

"Well now that problem is solved! With Orange-brush, the latest in dental brushing technology!" said Ganondorf.

A shot of Quinn brushing his teeth with an orange, which was attached to a stick.

"It's proven to get rid of the annoying flossing process, so you don't have to even bother!" said Ganondorf, still smiling.

A shot of Quinn smiling, and when he did so, bits of orange were stuck to his teeth.

"Call today, at 666-777-8888!" said Ganondorf, doing a thumbs-up with Quinn.

The video cut off, followed by a 'Technical Difficulties sign'.

...

"Well, what do you think?" asked Ganondorf to the production crew.

"That... was... TERRIBLE! Try again, and next time, take this seriously." said the leading manager angrily.

"What are you talking about? He does the same kind of crap on TV," said Ganondorf angrily, pointing to Quinn, "But he gets away with it and I don't?"

"It's different, Kirby is a celebrity, you aren't." said the executive manager.

"Kirby? KIRBY? You think he's Kirby? That's Quinn McIntosh! He's just pretending to be Kirby, you idiots!" said Ganondorf angrily, showing them a picture and description of Quinn.

...

Quinn wordlessly bolted out the side door, and the executive manager called the cops.

"Can I have my clue now?" asked Ganondorf angrily.

_Snake  
On Roadblock_

Snake walked inside, with the video tape of the commercial he made.

"We're done now!" said Snake to the managers, who were too busy arguing over what had just occurred.

...

"I'm just going to play it now," said Snake angrily, starting up the film.

"Do you find people annoying?" queried Snake on the film, smiling menacingly. "Ever want to kill someone, but make it look like an accident?"

The Waddle Dee who had been helping Snake earlier appeared on film.

"Hey Snake, where'd you go? Snake, you there?" called out the Waddle Dee.

Snake randomly came up behind the Waddle Dee and began force-feeding him Little Smokies.

"DHFWFGBHXCBWPI" choked out the Waddle Dee, dying.

"Wilshire's Little Smokies," grinned Snake evilly, "Buy them today! 666-777-8888!"

The film ended abruptly.

...

"That... was... the most brilliant piece of work I have ever seen!" said the leading manager, barely able to keep his excitement.

Snake smiled gratefully, while Ganondorf shot him a venomous look.

"Here's your clue, my good sir! This commercial will be a huge success, guaranteed!" said the leading manager, handing Snake the next clue.

Snake walked out with the clue in his hand, while Ganondorf was escorted back to the production studio.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Going down is certainly faster than climbing up this god forsaken mountain..." said Lucario with pleasure as he marched down the mountain.

Mewtwo followed him, both brothers greatly satisfied with how the leg had been turning out.

"Do you thingk dat d'ubber teams are going do d'well on dat one dask?" asked Mewtwo.

"Naah, that task looked pretty difficult to me," said Lucario, twirling the clue.

"Whuddeber you say, brudder." said Mewtwo in agreement.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Make your way tae the orphanage down by Dedede school, back in Cappy Town!" read Roy aloud.

"The twins couldn't have gotten that far, so let's see if we can catch up!" said Snake, sprinting out from the shed.

"Right behind ye, son!" said Roy, following after his son.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

The frat angrily began working on another commercial, trying to think up an original idea.

He knocked over some paper and other equipment onto the ground in anger.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4th Place_

Ness had broken off from the fight and ran inside.

"See you suckers later, I have a race to attend to!" he laughed evilly, closing the TV station door behind him.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

Toon Link rolled himself over, vomiting whatever his stomach acids hadn't dissipated already. He then weakly stood up and began trying to find Jigglypuff.

"Jigglypuff... (cough)... where are you... Jigglypuff?" wheezed Toon Link, clutching his aching rib.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Just over yonder, that's where the town is, do you see it brother?" asked Lucario pointing ahead.

"Yedsh, I do!" said Mewtwo, his nose finally starting to swell down.

"We're almost there, come on! We'll be able to snag first place if we keep this up, come on!" said Lucario, taking his brother by the wrist and dragging him ahead.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

The father and son passed by Ness and the Pikachu.

"Did you see that? Other teams be arrivin' Snake, let's leave afore any more show up!" said Roy in his accent, picking up the pace.

After another 50 yards, they also passed up the students, Toon Link and Jigglypuff, who were limping for the TV station.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

Ganondorf had finally come up with a reasonable commercial, and was beginning to write notes down.

"You there, yes you, the Waddle Dee. I need you to help me with this sketch..." said Ganondorf.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4th Place_

"Roadblock. One person must now record a twenty second commercial with previous TESAR racers Quinn and Kirby for their next clue. Once you have successfully recorded one, you will be given your next clue!" read Ness aloud.

He turned to his partner, "I'll do this one, you stay back here okay?"

Ness then walked inside the studio booth.

"Hi there, Ganondorf! Haha, I haven't seen you in a while!" laughed Ness good-naturedly, waving to the frat.

Ganondorf stared, dumbfounded at the kid.

"Are the kids on their way also?" asked Ganondorf.

"Yeah, but I beat them pretty bad last time I saw them, so they shouldn't be any trouble." nodded Ness.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"D'is diss the orphanage?" asked Mewtwo, opening a door to what looked like an abandoned shed.

Quinn jumped from fright, but then realized it was only Mewtwo.

"Don't tell the feds I'm here, mate!" said Quinn, the fear rising in his voice.

Mewtwo scratched his head, and closed the door.

"That was too close," sighed Quinn to himself, "I think I'm going to skip out of town and head somewheres nice, where no one will ever find me."

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Aye, I remember passing that boulder on th' way up here, we have another 500 yards to go and we should be back in ould Cappy Town," said the garrulous Roy.

"Right then, let's keep moving, we should catch up to the Twins eventually, right?" said Snake with optimism.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

Ganondorf's commercial finished airing, and the managers clapped.

"Much better than the first one," decided the executive manager, "Here's your clue."

"Thank you," said Ganondorf, smiling, taking the clue.

_Ganondorf  
After-leg Interview_

"It was a really humbling experience, having to go back and re-do it when I thought I already had it down. That's what the race is about, learning to accept your mistakes and move along, right?" said Ganondorf sagely.

...

Toon Link's corpse fell out from a closet from behind.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way to the orphanage down by Dedede school, back in Cappy Town!" read Falcon to his team mate.

"We're almost done with this leg, just a bit further!" said Ganondorf with enthusiasm.

They ran back down the mountain.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"I have to hurry this up, who knows how close Toon Link and his friend are," said Ness, working busily on his idea.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Roadblock. One person must now record a twenty second commercial with previous TESAR racers Quinn and Kirby for their next clue. Once you have successfully recorded one, you will be given your next clue..." read Jigglypuff.

"I'll do it," said Toon Link.

"Good luck," replied Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"That's it, that's the orphanage!" yelled Lucario, pointing ahead.

The twins dashed the rest of the trip to the orphanage, smiling as they approached the group of children.

"D'at musdt be where we pudd our muddey," decided Mewtwo, noticing the jug of water, filled with a few dollar bills and coins.

"Here you go guys," said Lucario, putting in only half of their money.

High-pitched string music played, as they took the next clue and read aloud.

"Make your way to the pit stop, Whispy Wood's Forest!" read Lucario aloud, smiling proudly.

_"__Teams must now make their way to the tenth pit stop, Whispy Woods Forest, the local town forest. The pit stop is directly in front of Whispy Woods himself. The last team to check in here __**will**__ be eliminated!" explained Koopa Troopa._

"D'is is idd, Duckario, da pidd stobb!" said Mewtwo excitedly, running off with his brother for the pit stop.

High-pitched string music played again, the camera closed in on the jar, where only half of the twin's money was.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Excuse me, do ye know where the local orphanage is?" asked Roy to a local Cappy.

"It's down that way, the wooden building over there, you can't miss it," explained the Cappy.

"Thanks bro!" said Snake, as he and his father sped off in that direction.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Keep going down this trail, cuz, we're almost out of this!" said Falcon, sprinting athletically.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"There's jeeps parked here, let's take one!" said Lucario, hopping in the driver's seat.

"Yep, ledd's drive to da pidd stobb!" smiled Mewtwo, buckling himself in.

_Roy and Snake_

"There's the building, in the distance!" said Roy, pointing at it. "The cappy was right!"

"Keep running, dad! We'll be bound to catch up with the twins eventually!" said Snake hopefully.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Pudd idd on da fasdest speed, brudder!" said Mewtwo.

"It already is, fool!" said Lucario through gritted teeth.

_Roy and Snake_

"Over there, keep moving!" said Roy, struggling to keep up with his son.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"There's the town, further down the road, see it?" said Ganondorf.

"Yeah, we need to keep going if we're to maintain whatever place we're in." said Falcon.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"Ever felt like you can't get enough sleep?" asked Ness on the advertisement, "Ever feel like you have insomnia?"

Ness pulled out a bottle of insomnia-away, and showed it to the camera.

"Insomnia-Away! The stuff that helps you sleep at night!" smiled Ness. "Call 666-777-8888! And get yourself some sleep today!"

The film ended abruptly.

...

"Um, you do realize we already had the item you were supposed to advertise, right?" asked the leading manager.

"What? You did?" said Ness, shocked. "Darn it!"

_Toon Link  
On Roadblock_

"I got an idea, I just need to get it down on paper," said Toon Link writing more things down.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"D'Alright, we're in Whisby Woods Foresdt, now follow the signs!" said Mewtwo, his voice more understandable now.

"Gotcha," said Lucario, driving onward.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We have to put _all_ our money in the jar," said Roy, reading the clue clearly.

"Wow, good eye dad, we woulda been screwed if we didn't notice that tiny detail!" said Snake, putting all their racing money in the jar.

"Make your way to the pit stop, Whispy Wood's Forest!" read Snake aloud.

They walked outside and saw the row of jeeps set up for the racers.

"Let's take one of these bad boys out," said Snake devilishly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We're back in the town, we just need to find that orphanage now," muttered Ganondorf.

"At least we're on track, right?" said Falcon, shrugging.

_Ness  
On Roadblock_

"Now that I'm actually doing an advertisement about the right product, I just need to film something good now, and I'll be on my way!" said Ness, smiling.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
At the Pit Stop_

"We're here!" said Mewtwo excitedly.

Lucario parked the car, and unbuckled himself in a hurry.

Mewtwo struggled to unbuckle himself, so his brother assisted him.

They ran onto the mat, grinning from ear to ear.

"Team Mewtwo and Lucario, you are the first team to arrive," said Koopa.

Mewtwo and Lucario started frowning.

"...However, you did not give _all your racing money_ to the charity, so I cannot sign you in until then!" finished Koopa.

"Damn it all to hell!" cursed Lucario, punching brother in his nose. "After all that hard work, we have to go back! Damn it!"

They both ran back into their jeep (with Mewtwo clutching his even more broken nose), and drove off.

_Roy and Snake_

"Turn left here, it'll lead into the forest." explained Snake.

Roy made a sharp left turn.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"This is all your fault, Mewtwo! Why didn't you tell me we had to give **all**__our money?" accused Lucario, making a sharp right turn.

"I-I-I didn't dknow," said Mewtwo, tears going down his face.

_Roy and Snake_

"Pick up speed, we can still get first if we hurry!" said Snake.

Roy picked up more speed.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"And now we have to go all the way back! And for what? A stupid charity..." said Lucario.

Mewtwo sat in silence, holding his nose.

_Roy and Snake_

"Come on, come on..."

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"You're an idiot, Mewtwo! Why I ever signed up on this race with you, I don't kn-"

Unfortunately, he was so busy arguing, he didn't notice the jeep ahead making the turn into the trail, and their jeep hit head on with the other.

_Roy and Snake_

Roy had been speeding so fast, his car plowed straight into the twin's, totaling both cars.

Snake and Roy's faces were both consumed by airbags, Roy's airbag hitting his face so hard it knocked him senseless.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

Mewtwo came to, choking on his own blood. He vomited it up, and looked around. He had remembered to buckle up, which was what probably saved him from an untimely demise.

"L...Luggario!" cried out Mewtwo, upon trying to stand, his knees gave way and he fell back down from the pain.

He focused his attention on the other jeep, and saw the last two people he ever wanted to see about now: Snake dragging Roy's unconscious form out of the totaled Jeep, and towards safety.

_Roy and Snake_

"Don't worry pop, I got you out of there in one piece..." whispered Snake, dragging his dad into the ditch.

Snake went back to get the rest of the equipment, but tripped on Lucario, who was barely conscious.

"Huh, looks like we caught up to you," said Snake quietly.

He left Lucario there and grabbed the gear.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

Mewtwo crawled to Lucario, and checked for a pulse. He was alive, but in alot of pain so it would seem.

He tried to support both his and his brother's weight, and he made his way back to the orphanage.

_Roy and Snake_

Roy finally came to, and Snake came walking up.

"You wouldn't believe who we had wrecked with," said Snake with surprise at his dad's quick recovery. "... It was the twins."

"Aye, then I guess we finally caught up to them," said Roy with a weak smile.

"Yeah, we did. Let's go before they come to." said Snake, helping his dad up.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

Fortunately for the twins, they didn't have very much further to go; they had crashed in front of the entrance of Whispy Woods Forest, so all they had to do was walk about 100 more yards.

"D'almost dere," said Mewtwo weakly, his brother already conscious.

"What happened?" asked Lucario, his voice quiet.

"We rekked widd the fadder an' ssson." said Mewtwo, his voice barely understandable again.

_Roy and Snake  
At the Pit Stop_

Snake walked onto the pit stop first, followed by his father.

"Welcome to Dream Land!" said Whispy Woods from behind Koopa.

"Team Roy and Snake, you are the second team to arrive," said Koopa. "But because Mewtwo and Lucario forgot to give all their money to the orphanage, you are team number_** one**_!"

"Yes, we did it," said Roy weakly.

"And for winning this leg of the race, you've both won a trip to the lovely Corneria for seven nights, once you are finished with the race!" explained Koopa.

"We're glad we're still in," said Snake, "We think we're the team that's going to make it to the final three and win the million."

"Who else do you think will make it into the final three?" asked Koopa.

"Definitely the twins," said Roy. "I don't know about the rest..."

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

They passed the line of Jeeps, three remaining.

"When we leave," said Lucario angrily, "I'm taking another Jeep with me!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

The frats walked up and saw the Twins.

"Whoa, didn't expect to see you guys for a while," said Ganondorf.

"Shudd we tell dem?" asked Mewtwo to his team mate.

Lucario thought deeply about that.

"If it'll get the kids eliminated, hell yes." decided Lucario. "Hey, frats. You need to give _all your money_ to the charity, not just some of it."

"Really? Does that make a difference?" asked Falcon.

"Yesh it does," nodded Mewtwo.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4th Place_

"So we passed?" asked Ness, smiling. "Awesome!"

"Make your way to the pit stop, Whispy Wood's Forest!" read Ness. He turned to Pikachu, "This is where we have to really leg it, man! Let's go dude!"

He stormed out of the TV station, Pikachu in tow.

_Toon Link  
On Roadblock_

The managers reviewed his advertisement.

Dramatic music played, as Toon Link crossed his fingers.

The executive manager stood up, and gave his answer.

"... I'm sorry, try again." he said finally.

"I can't believe this," said Toon Link, on the verge of tears.

He walked back into the studio.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Here you go, kids," said Ganondorf, handing over all the money they had.

Falcon took the next clue and ripped it open.

He read aloud. "Make your way to the pit stop, Whispy Wood's Forest!"

"Alrighty, next stop: Pit stop!" said Falcon excitedly.

"Since the Twins were nice enough, let's wait for them at the Jeeps..." suggested Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Here you go, ungrateful bastards," said Lucario, putting in the money and spitting in an orphan's eye.

As they were walking out, Mewtwo uncharacteristically flipped the bird to them.

"We know where to go now," said Lucario, "Let's leave now, before I do something I'll actually regret."

They walked to the Jeeps, hopped in one, waved to the frats, and revved up the engine. Instead of driving forward though, Lucario drove the car backwards, making the Jeep plow into the orphanage.

"Now, let's leave this hell hole," said Lucario, revving the car again and driving forward.

_Ness and Pikachu  
Currently in 4th Place_

"What do you mean that we should be running?" laughed Ness, "You heard what kind of a fix those idiots are in! They have to re-do the task all over again."

"Ustedes saben lo que dicen, es la tortuga que gana la carrera, no la liebre." warned Pikachu.

"Yeah, whatever." said Ness, walking even slower.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Alrighty now, we gave the twins a head start, let's drive after them." decided Ganondorf, finally starting up the car.

"You think the kids are actually going to go down this round?" asked Falcon.

"Yeah, if Ness actually gets a move on..." muttered Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Dey're starding to drive afber us," warned Mewtwo, looking back at the frats.

"Oh, they're not going to be catching up to us," snarled Lucario, hitting the gas pedal all the way down.

_At the Pit Stop_

Lucario managed to slow the car down just enough in order to avoid hitting Whispy too hard, though they still ended up killing the tree.

They both hopped out of the Jeep and walked onto the mat.

"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are team number two!" said Koopa.

"About time," said Lucario. "And not only are we still in, we got the kids eliminated finally!"

Mewtwo nodded enthusiastically.

_Five minutes later..._

The frats walked onto the mat, having taken the time to actually park their car.

"Team Falcon and Ganondorf, you're team number three!" said Koopa. "You could have beaten the Twins, but you passed up the option. Why?"

"Well, they actually decided to give us a heads-up about the task just before the pit stop. They could have let us simply fail, but instead they helped us out, even if it was for their own purposes. So we decided they deserved the higher ranking than we did." explained Falcon.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

"You still say we should run? Don't make me laugh, Pikachu!" said Ness, still walking slowly.

"(Insert some random Spanish phrase here)", said Pikachu.

They finally made it back to Cappy Town.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way to the pit stop, Whispy Wood's Forest!" read Jigglypuff.

"I don't care if we're last there or not," said Toon Link, tears showing on his face, "We're sprinting the entire way there!"

Jigglypuff nodded, and almost immediately they were off, running as fast as their bodies would let them.

_Ness and Pikachu  
...Best Friends?_

Ness insisted on walking, while Pikachu continuously warned him they should be hurrying.

"Dude, for the last time," said Ness irritably, "I'm not running, you hear me? I'm not running, okay? No matter what you tell me, no matter what happens, I... WILL... NOT R-"

He noticed the other team running in the distance behind him, about 100 yards away, running all out.

Wordlessly, Ness starting running as fast he could, knowing his future in the race depended on it.

_Dedede Orphanage_

It was afternoon time, and all the children were inside, eating lunch.

Suddenly, Ness could be seen sprinting over to the jar.

"What did the clue say, again?" he asked his partner. Before Pikachu could respond, Ness answered himself, "Ah, forget it, it's not important."

He shoved five cents into the jar, and kept a dollar for himself.

High-pitched string music played.

Ness ran over to the last Jeep, and hopped in it, and started up the engine.

"Looks like I'm still around for another day," laughed Ness, as the Jeep drove off into the forest, unaware of his huge costly error.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

A minute after Ness had left, the students appeared.

"We have to put everything we have in the jar," said Jigglypuff sadly.

"After all the hard work into getting out of financial issues," cried Toon Link, emptying all of the money.

They left the orphanage and walked on foot to the forest, unaware that there was supposed to be a Jeep parked for them in front of the orphanage.

_At the Pit Stop_

Ness parked the car next to the Frats', then began walking up to the pit stop, laughing victoriously.

"Ah, what a beautiful day it is, isn't it Koopa?" asked Ness as he walked on the mat.

Koopa tried to stop himself from laughing, as he said, "You... you forgot to give all your money to the charity, Ness! I can't check you in yet, you idiot!"

Ness' face was a picture of horror as he threw himself into his Jeep and drove off, knowing if he didn't double-time it, his goose would be cooked.

"Why me, that's all I want to know, why me?" cried Ness, as if he were talking to god.

_Twenty minutes later..._

Toon Link and Jigglypuff walked across the mat, knowing they were goners.

"It's okay, Koopa, we know we're eliminated already," said Jigglypuff, looking down in shame, "Just tell it to us..."

Toon Link took out his sword and raised it, ready to kill himself.

"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you are the last team to arrive." said Koopa. "... However!"

Jigglypuff looked up, while Toon Link couldn't stop himself in time: he stabbed himself right through the chest.

"Because Ness and Pikachu failed to give all their money to the charity, you are _team number four!_" said Koopa with enthusiasm.

"Oh my god, I can't believe this!" screamed Jigglypuff excitedly, shaking Toon Link.

Toon Link managed to gasp out, "That's... the best news... I've ever..."

"I just can't believe we're still in!" finished Jigglypuff, smiling.

Toon Link died from blood loss.

Ness and Pikachu walked up.

"And Ness and Pikachu, you are the last team to arrive." said Koopa sadly. "And I'm sorry to say you are eliminated, from the race."

" Esta raza es una locura! Y también me gusta meter mis pies en sopa de otras personas." said the Pikachu rapidly.

Ness gasped, "You're not Pikachu! He would never say something that obscene!"

Koopa coughed, then added, "Also, you do realize you wouldn't have been able to check in anyways, that isn't the person you started the race with."

"Eso es lo que le estoy narrando, hombre!" said the pseudo-Pikachu.

"So wait... if this isn't the real Pikachu..." said Ness with a tone of fright, "...Then that means..."

_Pikachu_

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, HELP ME!1" screamed Pikachu with desperation, a little girl walking out of the store with him in tow. "SOMEBODY HELP, I'M BEING ABDUCTED!"

She took him to her evil lair and Pikachu was never seen again.

**Finish Times**

Roy and Snake: 1:21 PM

Mewtwo and Lucario: 1:59 PM

Falcon and Ganondorf: 2:04 PM

Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 3:03 PM

**Ness and Pikachu: 3:06 PM - Eliminated!**

Well, that was probably depressing to the three of you who actually read this. Yes, I had planned this elimination, I'd had pretty much plotted out everything (minus the finale) ever since leg seven.

Please vote on the poll, on my profile, vote for which of the teams you honestly want to see win the Extra Smashy Amazing Race. A bit of advice, it's not exactly wise to vote for a team that has been eliminated, doesn't really benefit.

Also review, tell me who you hate, like, love, sort-of-like-but-despise-them-in-a-hateful-way, and tell me who the final team to be eliminated should be!

Oh, and yes I do know it's not Elevenths Day anymore, so sue me. Let's pretend it was when you read this. Also I thought it would be worth adding that 364 days left until the world ends. Enjoy it while it lasts!


	11. I'm as Straight as a Rainbow, Damn it!

"Last time, on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race, teams went to the communistic-driven Dream Land! It was here teams experienced harsh tasks in terrible weather!

_"You know, the weather is actually quite marvelous," continued Jigglypuff in a posh British accent, outside the car rain was pouring, obscuring the vision of the road in front of them._

"Ness had the idea to book the only flight time to Dream Land, but at a terrible cost - all the racing money he and his team mate had!

_"Can I have as many tickets it takes to book the 6:05 AM flight, __real__ employee?" asked Ness casually._

"...Much to the annoyance of other teams!"

_"Can we have two tickets for 6:05 AM flight?" asked Lucario to the airport worker._

_"Sorry, sold out," said the worker. "We just booked out about four minutes ago."_

"In the mean time, Falcon and Ganondorf hitched a ride from an former racer!"

_"Give me a minute to savor the flavor, then I'll get you two to Dream Land in a jiffy!" said King Dedede._

"Other former racers, such as Falco and Samus, Quinn McIntosh, & Meta-Knight, also tried to either benefit or de-benefit current racers with their actions!"

_"You were the reason me and Falco were eliminated, idiot!" explained Samus angrily. "Remember leg one? Isle Delfino?"_

_"Wahahaha! You thought you could get rid of me, Ness? Well, think again you idiot kid!" cackled Falco evilly, rushing Ness._

_"Now then, me matey, what is it you need from me?" asked Quinn, putting an arm around Mewtwo's shoulder._

"Shortly after a roadblock failure on Ganondorf's part, the frat boy destroyed Quinn's cover, causing the ferret celebrity to make an escape from the police!"

_"Kirby? KIRBY? You think he's Kirby? That's Quinn McIntosh! He's just pretending to be Kirby, you idiots!" said Ganondorf angrily, showing them a picture and description of Quinn._

_Quinn wordlessly bolted out the side door, and the executive manager called the cops._

"Also, Mewtwo suffered an injury to the nose, after an inter-team argument!" said Koopa.

_"Out o' my way you fool," snarled Lucario, his back leg catching Mewtwo in his nose._

"Mewtwo and Lucario excelled at the Roadblock, and managed to stay ahead of all the other teams, which kept them in first for most of the leg. However, in their haste, they made a major screw-up on the final task before the pit stop!"

_"Here you go guys," said Lucario, putting in only half of their money._

_High-pitched string music played, as they took the next clue and read aloud._

"And they were rejected upon reaching the pit stop, forcing them to backtrack to the task and try again!"

_"Here you go, ungrateful bastards," said Lucario, putting in the money and spitting in an orphan's eye._

_As they were walking out, Mewtwo uncharacteristically flipped the bird to them._

"And because of the twin's huge error, this allowed Roy and Snake to creep into first place for the first time since the race's early days, leg three!"

_"Team Roy and Snake, you are the second team to arrive," said Koopa. "But because Mewtwo and Lucario forgot to give all their money to the orphanage, you are team number__** one**__!"_

"While Mewtwo and Lucario wrecked their first jeep in an epic crash with the father and son, they took a second jeep, ruining the odds for whomever would be in last at that point!" explained Koopa. "Meanwhile, backpacking team Ness and Pikachu, had a flight delay for most of the beginning of the leg, leaving them in the bottom for the entirety of the leg!"

_"Ah, we're finally here!" said Ness, still covered in Falco's blood._

"Halfway through the leg, Ness was separated from Pikachu after an accident, causing him to stop racing and search for his old friend!"

_"PIKACHU!" screamed Ness shrilly, immediately diving into the pile to search for his lifelong friend._

"And after a long search, Ness ended up thinking the wrong Pikachu was his partner."

_"Cuando estás tomando me? ¿Cuál es el significado de esto?" yelled the Pikachu, resisting Ness' grasp._

_"Pikachu, what is wrong with you today? First you won't talk to me. Now, you won't shut up... but in Spanish! I didn't even know you knew Spanish!"_

"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff, the Middle School Students, struggled for most of the leg in every aspect!"

_"Do you think that there's any chance we're not last?" said Toon Link morbidly._

"After a long day, it came down to the Middle Schoolers and the Best Friends facing off in order to stay in the race!"

_"We're not going down without a fight!" screamed Ness, choking Toon Link._

"Ness managed to sneak ahead of the students, only to screw himself up with the same mistake the Twins made earlier!"

_"What did the clue say, again?" he asked his partner. Before Pikachu could respond, Ness answered himself, "Ah, forget it, it's not important."_

"And because of his marginal error, the students managed to barely stay in the race!"

_"Because Ness and Pikachu failed to give all their money to the charity, you are __team number four!__" said Koopa with enthusiasm._

_"Oh my god, I can't believe this!" screamed Jigglypuff excitedly, shaking Toon Link._

"And now, four teams Remain, Who will finally be eliminated, **Tonight**?"

**The Teams: (With their New Year's Resolutions!)**

Falcon and Ganondorf (Get a girlfriend... no one is going to find out, right?/To win this race)

Roy and Snake (To win this race/To win this race)

Mewtwo and Lucario (Find a way to impress my brother/To win this race)

Toon Link and Jigglypuff (Find a way to end it all/Lose weight and start working out)

"Can Mewtwo and Lucario overcome their hatred for each other in time to stay in the race? Will Toon Link and Jigglypuff recover from their huge time gap from the other teams? Is Roy and Snake going to accept their age differences in time to stay in to win? And can Falcon and Ganondorf continue to work together as a team and respect one another just long enough to win the million?"

"This is Whispy Woods Forest, the tenth pit stop in the second season of The Extra Smashy Amazing Race! Teams arrived here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period, where they can eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams!"

_"Donuts for everyone!" called out some Waddle Dee production manager, waving the racers to him._

"One of the four teams will finally be eliminated!" explained Koopa, "The other three may go on to the 12th leg and Race for the Million dollars!"

_The Waddle Dee died in the following stampede, the current racers running him over in a frenzy for the glazed donuts._

"Will Roy and Snake's age differences aid them or hinder them, therefore getting them eliminated after coming this far?"

_Snake held the donuts out of reach for everyone else, cackling evilly as he ingested a donut._

"Is Mewtwo and Lucario's way of predicting each other's mannerisms and behaviors going to keep them in the mix, or destroy them?"

_Lucario kicked Snake between his legs, and stole a donut for himself. Mewtwo timidly grabbed one._

"Are Falcon and Ganondorf going to keep on respecting one another and keeping a 'work hard, play hard' routine long enough to win, or will they fall short just before the finish line?"

_Falcon used Falcon punch on Mewtwo, and ate the little bit of the remaining donut._

"And finally, can Toon Link and Jigglypuff, especially Toon Link, put aside his feelings in time for his team to stay in the race or will they crumble from the pressure?"

_Jigglypuff's eyes turned red, and she tackled Toon Link and started beating the living tar out of him._

"Team Roy and Snake, who were first to arrive at 1:21 PM, will depart at 1:21 AM!" finished Koopa.

_Roy and Snake  
1st to Depart; 1:21 AM_

"We're first out again for the first time since leg three!" said Roy with pride dripping from his tone.

Snake ripped open the clue and read it aloud, "Fly to Sinnoh, the land of Pokémon, and find Professor Rowan!"

_"Teams must now fly to Sinnoh, the Pokémon land, home to current racers Mewtwo and Lucario. Upon arriving, teams have to walk to Sandgem Town and find Professor Rowan! These flights are fifteen minutes apart, so any time gained could be vital in booking tickets to Sinnoh!" explained Koopa._

"Ohhh, this bad, real bad." said Snake, shaking his head. "Mewtwo and Lucario know that place like the back of their hand...s!"

"You have 115 dollars for this leg of the race." finished Roy, dumping the money into his outstretched hand.

_Roy_

"What the big deal about this, is it's the second-tae-last leg before we have th' grand finale, and Ewton an' Lucado have home field advantage!" explained Roy, looking annoyed.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"So it's come down to the eight of us," said Snake, looking menacing, "After ten pit stops, only us are left."

"The only teams tae win legs, besides the lawyers," mused Roy, "But enough reflecting on the ould past, we need to make shore we make it to the final leg!"

"Right then. You hail a taxi, I'll call the airport for our tickets," said Snake, walking off.

_Snake_

"Probably the greatest feat of mine would be the time I conquered an entire Pakistan enemy base and shot some self-righteous Taliban leader right in his freakin' forehead," said a smug Snake.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Could you repeat the flights again?" queried Snake to the phone.

"There are four flights to the Sinnoh region, one of them, the earliest, departs at 10 AM exactly, the others fifteen minutes apart." explained the flight worker.

"Good, is there a way you could book the first flight for us?" asked Snake.

"You'd have to come down here and buy them personally," explained the worker. "Though one thing that could suit your interests woul-"

Snake hung up the phone, right as Roy walked up.

"We have to buy tickets personally, it's the only way," told Snake to his father.

"Then let us depart, before the other teams appear." decided Roy.

The two racers turned to see the psychics, Mewtwo and Lucario standing on the racing pit stop mat, the former waving, and the latter flipping the bird at them.

"OH SH-"

"Calm down, you guys still have eleven minutes to leave," placated Mewtwo.

Snake took a deep breath of relief, "Oh, okay, good then. I was about to really sh-"

"Ten minutes," corrected Lucario.

Snake began laughing nervously as he did a 360 and immediately started sprinting the opposite way.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Nine Minutes until Departure_

"Do you think they're going to make it to the finale with us?" asked Mewtwo.

"Probably. I can picture them there for sure." agreed Lucario.

"Say, we never found out if the kids were eliminated," noticed Mewtwo.

"Don't bother, and don't worry about it, it'll just mess with our minds." sighed Lucario.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"You know, this is really starting to remind me of the first season in that conflict between the Martial Artists, and the Hocotate Employees when they both thought that them and the other team was going to be in the finale, and then they ended up having to fight each other in order to stay in!" said Snake excitedly.

Roy was too busy paying the taxi driver to listen to Snake's rantings.

_Snake_

"I'm a big TSAR fan. Name something, and I could explain it or tell you about a previous team!" said Snake, barely containing the excitement in his voice. "Probably my favorite leg ever would be in that one footrace between the Dating Pokémon and the Accountants in order to proceed to the finale! Of course, probably the best team in my opinio-"

The camera cut off to another team.

_Roy and Snake_

"We have another five minutes to go," sighed Roy. "Looks like we need to get this done neatly."

"I have confidence we're going to stay ahead of the game!" said Snake, trying to stay optimistic.

Their taxi neared the local Dream Land airport.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2nd to Depart; 1:59 AM_

"Rip open the clue, Mewtwo. It's time," said Lucario.

"No it's not, we still have ten seconds!" retorted Mewtwo, holding the clue dramatically as he checked his watch every half-second.

"By the time you rip it open and read it, it'll be time to go!" explained Lucario.

"We can't go breaking any rules on the semi-final leg, we can't afford any more mistakes!" yelled Mewtwo desperately, as Lucario tugged on the clue.

"Dude, give me the clue!" growled Lucario, as Mewtwo resisted to give him the clue. "...give it!"

The force of both twins resisting on both sides caused the envelope and clue to rip right in half, knocking both back.

"Oh swell, we're going back home," said Lucario, noticing the words 'Sinnoh' and 'flight' on his half of the clue.

_Roy and Snake_

"Now we're inside the ould airport, we just need tae find th' ticket booths now!" said Roy.

"Maybe this is it over here!" smiled Snake, walking over to the baggage compartment.

Snake started staring into place, unaware of his surroundings.

...

"Um, we should probably go find th' real ticket booth now," said Roy nervously, shaking his son.

Snake snapped out of his reverie, and slew the first person he saw with a hefty blow to the neck with his bare hand, killing the person instantly.

Roy slowly backed away.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"So I was thinking we could learn to actually get along this leg," continued Mewtwo. "That way we can learn how to-"

"Shut up, your voice annoys me." stated Lucario.

_Roy and Snake_

"Hey can we have two tickets tae the 10 AM flight?" asked Roy, handing the flight worker the money.

"Hold on one second, let me see if the flight will be open." she explained, putting aside the money.

Dramatic music began playing, as she started typing into the computer.

After a few seconds she told them the flight was still open, and handed them two tickets.

_Roy and Snake  
On 10:00 AM Flight_

"We're on th' first flight, so we're feeling pretty safe for now," smiled Roy, showing them their tickets as they boarded their plane.

"Now all we have to do is wait." declared Snake, sitting in his plane seat.

Roy looked at the ticket number, then looked at Snake's.

"Why are our seats apart from each other?" asked Roy.

"They were the only seats that were left, quit whining and sit in your seat!" snarled Snake.

"Hey, watch your mouth, I could ground you if I felt like it, young man," warned Roy, waving a finger at Snake.

Snake immediately began cowering.

_Mewtwo_

"My greatest achievement would probably be the time my mom took me to go fishing and I caught that big fifteen inches red snapper. It took me about four hours to reel it in, so me and mom took shifts sleeping and reeling! It was the best experience of my li-"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
3rd to Depart; 2:04 AM_

"When you're drunk, things don't scare you like it normally does," explained Ganondorf, apparently sober, "Like if your car was on fire."

Some random Waddle Dee lit his car on fire.

"OH MY GOD, WHO DID THIS?" said Ganondorf with poor quality acting.

Falcon took one glance and looked the other way.

"Dish ish all soooo fun," giggled Falcon, stone drunk.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Hey Lucario, stand still for a second, you have a piece of trash on you," warned Mewtwo, stopping everything he was doing and reaching to get the trash off his brother.

"The last time somebody touched me, I broke their neck," reminded Lucario.

"Don't worry, I'm just going to get it off you and you won't have to worry anymo-"

"The last time somebody touched me, I broke their neck," reminded Lucario.

"No it's okay, it'll just be for a second, hold on real qui-"

"The last time somebody touched me, I broke their neck," reminded Lucario.

"If you just give me one second, I-"

The same tired joke repeated several times.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"We're in the airport, so we're now finding the airport ticket booths so we can buy our tickets." explained Ganondorf.

"Yeah, we jogged the whole way so it didn't take very long." explained Falcon.

They passed by the twins, neither team noticing each other.

"You wonder if the kids got eliminated last leg?" asked Ganondorf nervously.

"Probably. I kind of hope they did because they seem like real competitors." decided Falcon.

_Lucario_

"What, you want to know what would be five movies I'd take if I were left on a deserted island? First of all, where would the island have a television?" said an angered Lucario.

_Ganondorf_

"Alien, Aliens, Predator and John Carpenter's The Thing." said Ganondorf flatly.

_Falcon_

"Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Event Horizon, and... Anaconda, so I could make fun of the poor acting." mused Falcon.

_Mewtwo_

"Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3, and Scream 4. And my fifth choice would be Scream 5 if they make another one."

_Snake_

"...The hell is a movie?" asked Snake angrily.

_Roy _

"Forrest Gump, Saving Private Ryan, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and John Carpenter's The Thing. Those four movies are so good, I don't need a fifth one." said a smug Roy.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Any airplane tickets in here?" asked Mewtwo, walking into the women's restroom.

"AAHHH! GET OUT OF HERE!" screamed some random woman, beating Mewtwo with her purse.

Mewtwo was knocked unconscious from the barrage of blows.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"That must be the ticket booth, over there!" said Ganondorf, pointing across to the other side of the airport.

"Let's start running, we might just get ahead of another team if we're lucky..." stated Falcon, his partner Ganondorf already having left him behind.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

Mewtwo and his partner were sitting in airport seats for no apparent reason, reading the latest Time magazine.

Mewtwo looked up just after the frat boys walked past them.

"I wonder if the frats are here already," wondered Mewtwo.

"Yeah, well you decided to start reading the latest Time magazine so you've got nothing on me." explained Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Can we have two tickets on the earliest flight to Sinnoh?" asked Ganondorf enigmatically.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed Falcon. "My world record of most-beers-consumed-within-one-day was destroyed! THAT COST ME MY LIFE SAVINGS, DAMN IT!"

...

"Sorry," said Falcon sheepishly.

"Speaking of tickets, what _is_ the earliest flight to Sinnoh as of this moment?" asked Ganondorf.

"The 10:15 AM flight," explained the ticket lady, processing their tickets.

She handed both of the tickets to them.

"Ah, damn that's hot," cursed Ganondorf, dropping his ticket.

"Ah, _damn_ that's hot," said Falcon sexily, noticing the flight attendant for the first time.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On 10:15 AM Flight_

"Come on, Falcon! We need to go ahead and get seated on our plane if we plan on getting good seats!" explained Ganondorf, dragging Falcon with him.

"I think she likes me," said Falcon dreamily, lost in some imaginative world only known to himself.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"The ticket booth, right over there." said Mewtwo disinterestedly, walking over to the same booth that Falcon and Ganondorf had been at only minutes before.

Lucario also walked up, looking exhausted for some unknown reason. Unless you were to pay for the deleted scenes, which you doubtfully would.

"Hello local plebeian," said Lucario with a fake smile. "We would like to purchase two tickets to the earliest flight straight to Sinnoh. And please hurry it up, some of us have places to be."

"We need your names, first." said the ticket lady, "The computer is malfunctioning."

Lucario looked severely peeved at the news.

"No you don't. We can just give you our IDs..." sputtered Lucario angrily, handing her the ID cards.

"I can't read these," she said. "I'm going to have to hear you two pronounce your names..."

Lucario looked indignant as Mewtwo moved him aside and went first.

"Full name or just first name?" asked Mewtwo.

"Full name." she replied.

"Mewtwo The Ultimate Life-form." said Mewtwo.

"Lucario Rukario," said Lucario, a hint of jealousy in his tone.

She processed the two tickets and handed it to the two twins.

"Thanks!" said Mewtwo, accepting the tickets gratefully.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On 10:30 AM Flight_

"So we haven't seen the frat boys yet at all this leg," said Lucario wearily, "Nor whatever team that got in fourth, be it Ness or, god have mercy, the twins. I just hope it wasn't the second one."

"Me neither," added Mewtwo.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Last to Depart; 3:03 AM_

Toon Link tore open the first clue, "Fly to Sinnoh, the land of Pokémon, and find Professor Rowan!"

Toon Link turned to Jigglypuff, adding, "Hey, isn't that where you hail from or something? After all, you are a Pokémon..."

"Nope, I hail from Johto." explained Jigglypuff. "However, current racers Mewtwo and Lucario both were born _and_ raised in Sinnoh, so I would imagine they know just about everything about destinations and-"

"Shut up, I know!" said Toon Link angrily. He noticed the racing money in the envelope, taking the money and pocketing it. "You have 115 dollars for this leg of the race."

_Snake_

"The tension in this leg is astounding, which reminds me of the first season of TESAR in that one leg where in Port Town, nobody saw anybody for almost the entire leg." explained Snake in an overly-explanatory fashion.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Huh, I don't think I ever said Happy Elevenths day to Ganondorf..." mused Jigglypuff.

"Does that even matter? It's January 2012, that was two months ago! Get over it!" yelled Toon Link angrily.

"Okay, okay, sheesh man," said Jigglypuff with a little (fill in the blank) in her voice.

_Falcon_

"I'd have to say out of the two teams, the Best Friend and the Middle Schoolers, I would say that Jiggly and Toony are the ones who are still standing. But I could be wrong after all, nobody has seen which team it was that made it last leg."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Why are we walking? We have plenty of money to waste on a taxi..." whined Toon Link bad-temperedly.

"You never know," chided Jigglypuff happily, "After all, we should both know better after all those close calls!"

Several scenes of legs in the past played, all of mishaps and errors on Toon Link and Jigglypuff's parts.

_Mewtwo_

"Probably my greatest achievement would be in the seventh grade spelling bee. I was second place in the national Sinnoh championship. ...Man, who did I lose to, again? It's been so long... they were really short, and round and shaped like a puffball..." wondered Mewtwo aloud, thinking to himself.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Alright, we're inside the airport." explained Toon Link to the camera.

"Hey! If anyone makes observations around here, it's me!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

...

"Alright, we're inside the airport." explained Jigglypuff to the camera.

"That's exactly what I said!" replied Toon Link angrily.

"That's exactly what... _I said_..." replied Jigglypuff wittily.

_Roy _

"I grew up on a farm... I never got to experience technology like you city-slickers!" cried Roy.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"If we're going to work as a team, I want you to get the tickets while I go to the bathroom!" explained Jigglypuff.

"How is that team-oriented? All you're doing is going to the bathroom!" said Toon Link angrily.

"I really, really gotta pee," explained Jigglypuff casually, squirming as she tried to walk over to the women's restroom.

_Ganondorf _

"Actually, I never really knew my grandfather... He served in a war or something. He currently lives in Argentina. At least that's what my dad told me."

...

"Ich kann Deutsch sprechen!" said Ganondorf. "That's German for 'I can speak German'..."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"There's no point in running, the other teams are already checked in so calm yourself." advised Toon Link, walking at regular pace.

Jigglypuff didn't hear him, and simply continued running very dramatically towards the ticket booth.

_Lucario_

"So what if we have different last names? What's it to you?" said an envious Lucario, barely able to keep a level tone.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On 10:45 AM Flight_

"We got our tickets for our flight!" said Jigglypuff with extreme enthusiasm.

"What was the point of almost breaking my back in two with your pathetic antics and using me as a stool just to talk to the flight lady?" questioned Toon Link angrily, gripping his back in pain.

_"All teams now have a flight to the Pokémon province, Sinnoh! Upon arrival, teams will have to manage their way through Sandgem town and find Professor Rowan!"_

_"Team Roy and Snake departed at 10 AM, and will arrive at 11 AM!"_

_"Team Falcon and Ganondorf who departed at 10:15, will arrive at 11:15!"_

_"Team Mewtwo and Lucario, whose plane departed at 10:30, will arrive around 11:30!"_

_"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff, who was last to leave at around 10:45, will arrive sometime around 11:45!"_

_11:02 AM  
First Flight Landed_

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"If wasn't so disappointed that we could be in last, I'd say we might be in last!" said Snake, smiling.

"Oh, be quiet, ye young fool," chided Snake. "Now, we need to find some guy named Professor Rowan, so be keeping a wary eye about..."

Snake was too busy looking for some guy named Professor Rowan to be paying attention to his father.

_Roy and Snake  
Pre-leg Interview  
_  
"The Snake family has participated in every war, since pretty much the beginning of time," explained Roy dramatically. "Most of us have died in horrible ways. Like Solid Snake's uncle, Joseph Allen, who died in the Gulf war!"

"Yeah, isn't there some other name that Snake could go by besides Solid?" asked Koopa Troopa.

"Well, there is his middle name... Solid _Marco_ Snake..." mused Roy.

"What were you doing when you named your son? Were you under the influence or something?" asked Koopa, looking genuinely confused.

For a split second, a smile could be seen on Roy's face, but it quickly dissipated before anyone could notice.

_Roy and Snake_

The two racers were quietly walking through the Twinleaf airport.

It was, as usual, Roy who broke the silence.

"You know, I actually was stationed here in ould Sinnoh durin' the Bay of Window War... Me and my squad were positioned here back in-"

"Quiet, I think I see Mewtwo!" lied Snake, trying to get out of hearing another story rant from his father.

They both hid behind a trash can for the next thirty seconds.

"Oh my bad, I guess it wasn't him," chuckled Snake slyly.

_Five minutes later..._

"Don't go into the long grass!" warned Roy.

"And why not? We need to get to this Professor Rowan fellow as soon as possible!" explained Snake with urgency in his tone.

"Because wild Pokémon will appear!" explained an ominous Roy. "And they'll try to kill you. We need to wait until we have our own Pokémon!"

"Please explain to me why I can't just kill them with my bare fists, but instead must resort to raising stupid Pokémon to fight other stupid Pokémon when I could just kill them with, again, my bare hands?"

"Um... because... because it wouldn't be right?" queried a lost-for-words Roy.

Snake was too busy punching a Bidoof repeatedly to the face to be paying attention to what his dad was saying.

_11:15 AM  
Second Flight Landed_

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We need to keep a wary eye out for any other teams we may come across..." warned Ganondorf to his dull-witted cousin.

"Dude, I'm sooo pissed, somebody actually beat my record of most-beers-consumed-within-one-day..." fumed Falcon, still angry from earlier that day.

"Dude, get over that. We have other things to concentrate on, like staying in to compete for the million dollars!" reminded Ganondorf.

"You're right, Ganondorf. I need to stop putting myself down on things that have happened in the past, and focus on what I can still accomplish!" said Falcon dramatically.

"Exactly! Now let's go-"

"Now to try and accomplish the record of most-beers-consumed-within-one-week!" cheered Falcon, already downing another beer.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Hey, there's some local guy. Let's ask him directions to Sandgem town!" explained Snake wisely.

The two of them approached the man with glasses, who was standing stock-still and looking straight ahead like an idiot.

"Aye, stranger, do you know where Sandgem is?" asked Roy to the young man.

He kept staring straight ahead, as if he never heard either of them.

"Try walking past him," advised Snake.

Roy did just that, and the man kept looking straight ahead.

"Try walking up to him, and loudly yelling 'A BUTTON'..." said Snake.

Roy did just that.

"_That ledge is one way. Jump down for a shortcut to Twinleaf Town..._" said the man, still standing stock-still.

Roy and Snake both stared impassively at the young man, looking perplexed at his queer statement.

"Thank ye, I guess? But that's not what we needed to know. We're lookin' fer Sandgem town..."

"_That ledge is one way. Jump down for a shortcut to Twinleaf Town..._" said the man, still standing stock-still.

"Alright listen here you idiotic excuse of a human being, and listen good, 'cause I'm only saying this once. WHERE. IS. SANDGEM. TOWN." screamed Snake right in the adolescents' ear.

The man was too busy recovering from hearing loss and sobbing uncontrollably so he merely pointed in the path ahead.

Snake and Roy left him there.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

The frats were still in the Twinleaf airport, looking for their bags.

"Hmmm, this appears to be in the right direction of the baggage department," mused Ganondorf cheerily, in a posh British accent.

The sign in front of him clearly read 'Women's restroom'.

"Yes, yes indeed," agreed Falcon, in a poorly done British accent.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"This is definitely Sandgem town," stated a bemused Snake, scratching his full-fledged survivalist's beard.

They looked at the five buildings that comprised Sandgem town, a research lab, Poke Center, Poke Mart, and three civilian houses.

"There it is, Snake. Th' research center, chances are he'll be in there." explained Roy.

"Okay, but be careful, danger or teams could come from any angle!" warned Snake. "We should walk through the back door to be safe!"

They walked around the other side of the house.

"There is no back door," observed Roy casually, noticing the lack of said back door.

"...Then _we'll make a back door_..." cackled Snake evilly, a huge grin across his face.

"What do you mean?" asked Roy innocently.

Snake was already in the process of planting C4 to the back wall.

"Snake, what do you mean by making a back door?" asked Roy, still confused.

Snake was pulling out the detonator and stroking it in a very arousing manner.

"Snake, what are you talking about when you say make a back door?" asked Roy, already understanding what he meant and was just saying it for funsies.

Snake detonated the wall, and in a typical Call of Duty fashion, sprinted inside in a very slow-motion, gunning down people with his handy dandy MP5, killing everyone in an epic manner.

When the dust settled, the only remaining person was a terrified Professor Rowan, who Snake had spared for racing purposes.

"What do you want, just tell me!" he moaned, scared out of his wits.

"_The clue_," said Snake in a dramatic fashion.

Professor Rowan handed them the next yellow clue, and scrambled back under the table and started sobbing uncontrollably.

Snake started sniffing the clue in a very weird and creepy manner, to see if it was laced with anthrax.

He then opened it and read aloud, emphasizing every word with emotion and optimism, "Teams must now choose one of four Pokémon to accompany them on their journey to become Poke masters!"

_"Teams will now make a decision that will affect the rest of the leg and, possibly the race for them! They must choose one of four Pokémon: Turtwig, Piplup, Chimchar or Starly! Once they have made their decision, they must make their way to the town of Jubilife City, where the city mayor will hand them their next clue!" explained Koopa._

"Excellent," said Snake in his gravelly voice.

He looked at the four Poké balls Professor Rowan had carefully laid out.

"Which one is which?" asked Snake angrily to Rowan.

The professor pointed to the name tags on the Poké balls.

Snake looked from one to the next and carefully picked out the one that read 'Piplup'.

He threw the Poké ball against the ground in an epic fashion, but nothing happened.

"WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?" sobbed Snake hysterically.

Roy pressed the button on the front, and tossed it lightly.

The Pokémon Piplup hopped out from the Poké ball, chirping happily.

"Pssh, I knew what to do, I was just testing you to see if you knew," said Snake arrogantly.

Roy rolled his eyes.

"You are just sooo cute! I want to hug you and take you everywhere I go!" said Snake cutely, hugging the Piplup and cuddling it.

"Come on, Snake, we need to leave in case anyone else arrives soon," advised Roy, dragging his son along out the back entrance they had created.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Okay so now we're out the airport and in the town." explained Ganondorf.

"Are you two tourists? Need a map?" asked some kind local, shaking Falcon and Ganondorf's hands.

"Actually, yes, we're on a race you see." said Falcon proudly, accepting the gifts.

The local gave them more tourist advice, then left to go help out some other people.

"Good thing we met that guy," laughed Ganondorf.

"Indeed," said Falcon, opening the map. He noticed a sign a few feet away. "Maybe that sign will help us get our bearings also!"

They approached the sign, which read, _'Twinleaf Town, fresh and free'._

"Well that's one pointless sign..." said a somewhat crushed Ganondorf, frowning.

They walked off, in the same direction that Roy and Snake had taken.

_11:30 AM  
Third Flight Landed_

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Ahhh, it's great to be back in good old Sinnoh!" said Mewtwo cheerily, stretching his arms.

"This place still sucks," sniffed Lucario, still looking crushed from earlier.

"Maybe we could actually swing by our house during this leg..." said a bemused Mewtwo, scratching his chin. "And maybe we could visit mom."

"Yeah, whatever. Let's just do it when we know for a fact where we stand on the rankings, shall we?" asked Lucario, pushing his brother aside and walking forward.

"Okay. You call mother, while I'll be getting our bags!" strategized Mewtwo. Assuming that's a descriptive way of saying something.

When Mewtwo left, instead of calling their mother, Lucario dialed up some other number and when the person answered, began rubbing the phone in some... rather inappropriate spots.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"The map says we have another two miles or so until we reach Sandgem town!" said Falcon to his frat brother.

"Come on man, let's keep up this pace and we should be good!" said Ganondorf, walking **slowly due to the fact his feet being stapled to the ground**.

_Lucario_

"I was calling my girlfriend, okay?" replied a testy Lucario. "And why do you question my every decision?"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Let's ask that girl for advice, the one running back and forth repeatedly in a repeated fashion while wearing a very unfitting dress," said Falcon annoyingly.

They walked up to her and, while running alongside her instead of standing still, began asking her, "Hey how much further to Sandgem town?"

"_If your Pokémon's health- that's it's HP- is getting low, you should go to a Pokémon Center!" _she said in a robotic droning tone.

The frat boys merely blinked.

A similar incident occured, akin to that of Roy and Snake's.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"I've got our bags." stated Mewtwo, stating the obvious with an obviousness in his tone that made it all so blasé and cliché.

"And I called mom." lied Lucario, lying with such a lyingness in his tone which made it all the more wrong and bad but still made it sound truthful.

"Alright then, let's go ahead and leave before a team decides to show up!" said Mewtwo with excitement.

_Roy and Snake_

"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy oh boy oh boy," said Snake, barely able to keep in the excitement. "I cannot _wait_ to try out my new Piplup against somebody!"

Roy followed behind his son, sighing with annoyance at his son's newfound zeal.

They continued walking through the thick shrubbery up north to Jubilife City, a good long walk ahead of them.

Snake was just about to walk forward when his vision turned black and he randomly appeared in a grass stage, with a floating text box above.

"The hell?" said Snake, confused.

_A wild Bidoof has appeared!_

"Um, okay... I think I can see that for myself, but thanks anyways," shrugged Snake.

"Go Piplup!" said Snake, with the text box repeating the same phrase.

"Why are you repeating what I had just said?" yelled Snake in frustration.

_What will Piplup do?_

"Hmm, what's something I could use?" asked Snake maliciously, stroking his man-beard.

He looked at his options, which follows: Bubble.

"I think I'll use... man, this is a hard choice... I guess I'll use Bubble then!" said Snake dramatically.

_Piplup used Bubble!_

The Piplup that belonged to Snake used the move and killed the Bidoof instantly.

_The wild Bidoof has fainted!_

"What's the point of knocking a vicious wild Pokémon out? Why not just kill it?" questioned Snake angrily.

_Piplup gained 18 Exp. points!_

"I don't care," said Snake simply.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"So this must be Sandgem town!" said Ganondorf excitedly, excitement showing in his excited voice, barely able to contain all the excitedness.

"Interesting," replied Falcon, stroking a fake mustache, "Interesting indeed..."

They walked inside what remained of professor Rowan's lab.

"Gee, looks like another team was here." noticed Ganondorf.

"..._Snake_," said both frats at the same time.

"Here's your next clue, just leave me and the town be!" whined Professor Rowan desperately, handing the pair of them the next clue.

"Teams must now choose one of four Pokémon to accompany them on their journey to become Poke masters!"

"We choose the monkey." said Ganondorf, pointing to Chimchar.

"You mean Chimchar?" asked Professor Rowan, pointing to Chimchar.

"No, we mean the Dragon with wings and a tail for fire, yes we mean him you idiot!" yelled Falcon angrily.

Professor Rowan's Charizard looked up angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Remember to avoid the idiots that are standing stock-still, they're the ones who'll fight us for no reason." reminded Mewtwo.

...

"You know what; try to avoid contact with _any_ humans, they'll try to capture us in Poké balls like that one time when we had just returned from colle-"

"Let's try not to think of the incident with the Poké ball, okay?" asked Lucario delicately.

_Falcon and Ganondorf _

"I like our Chimchar, he seems fiesty." decided Ganondorf optimistically.

"I liked that Flight Attendant Samus, she seemed pretty fiesty also," said Falcon sexily.

"Yeah, I thought you would," agreed Ganondorf. "Wait... _what_?"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"There he is, the City greeter!" said Snake enthusiastically, running forward.

"Hello trainer!" said the greeter, handing them the next clue.

"Finally, we're getting to business!" laughed Snake victoriously, ripping open the clue. "Make your way inside the Poké Trainer's School, and take the Pokémon test!"

_"Teams must now make their way across the city and go inside the local Poké Trainer's school, where they must take an extraneous test! Once teams have completed the test and having gotten every question right, they will receive their next clue!" explained Koopa in full detail._

"This sounds fairly easy, but let's not get too cocky," decided Roy.

_11:45 AM  
Last Flight Landed_

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
High School Students_

"We're here!" said Jigglypuff, smiling hopefully.

"This really blows, I wish we were already on the final leg!" complained Toon Link.

"Oh look, a pack of rabid wolves!" exclaimed Jigglypuff excitedly.

"Wait, what?" asked Toon Link, before being mauled alive by a pack of rabid wolves.

_Toon Link_

"The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is for two reasons: One, I'm still on the race, and also because there's this new series out called _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_. Once these two things are complete, I will finally do myself in and move on to a better place..." said a hopeful Toon Link, decked out in all black clothing.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Careful: There's another person a few yards ahead," sensed Mewtwo, with his psychic powers.

Lucario gave Mewtwo a venomous look from behind when he wasn't looking.

"I wonder what rank we are... we could be in second, dead last, or even in the lead by a longshot..." said a bemused Mewtwo, the one in the lead out of his team, knowing Sinnoh by heart.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Over there, by the baggage claim. There's our stuff." noticed Jigglypuff.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"There's the research center, so now we just need to find that Professor Rowan fellow and leave before people start to notice." said Mewtwo walking for Sandgem town's research center.

"Oh look, a Mewtwo!" said a bystander in awe. "...And a Lucario, or whatever it's called."

Mewtwo and Lucario were already inside the research center before other people noticed them.

"What are two Pokémon doing, bursting into my office like this?" asked Professor Rowan in confusion.

"Give us the next clue, you heathen!" warned Lucario, raising a random baseball bat in defense.

"Last time I checked, Pokémon weren't the ones in charge," laughed Professor Rowan.

"Last time I checked, you weren't an idiot," growled Lucario aggressively, giving Mewtwo the signal, who began psychokinetically thrashing Professor Rowan mercilessly.

"Ah-ha, here it is, brother!" said Lucario, picking up the clue from the ground. "Teams must now choose one of four Pokémon to accompany them on their journey to become Poke masters!"

"Why can't we personally battle ourselves?" sighed Mewtwo, "That would save us the trouble!"

They looked at the two remaining Pokémon, Starly and Turtwig.

"We'll choose Starly," decided Mewtwo, after looking in his brother's eyes for acknowledgement.

They left without another word, leaving Professor Rowan unconscious.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Toon Link, are you watching that pony show again!" asked Jigglypuff worriedly, fearing his obsession of _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_.

"It is so good," said Toon Link simply, his eyes glued to the Itouch screen... **literally**.

"You have got to stop doing that!" added Jigglypuff, prying his face off of the screen with a crowbar.

_Jigglypuff_

"Toon Link's been acting really weird lately, like one minute he's acting fine and the next he spends trying to cut himself with everything!"

_A shot of Toon Link trying to cut himself using a lampshade._

"He also dyed his hair black, and wears really darks clothes..." noticed Jigglypuff.

_A shot of Toon Link accidentally spraying black hair dye in his eye._

"Oh, and also he's obsessed with this new TV show called 'My Little Horsie' or something... I hope it's just a phase or something, because Toony used to be a really cool guy to hang with, but now..."

_Roy and Snake_

"Here's the facility," noticed Roy Snake casually, as he and his son walked in.

"This is great, we need to keep this regular pace and we should be good for the rest of the leg." said Snake simply, following after his dad.

"You guys racers for that show or whatever?" asked some local. "It's in that classroom right there..."

"Thanks dude," said Snake as he and his father went and sat down in the desks.

"Here are your tests. You will have a thirty minute time-limit to finish these tests, so be sure to answer as many as you can, as quickly as you can." explained the instructor.

"Alright we got the idea." sighed Snake, taking the test and almost immediately writing down answers.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Hey we need to keep following this trail and we should eventually end up at Jubilife City." explained Falcon to his partner.

"You know what? I honestly don't care if we are last this leg... being on this race for 2 years, 9 months and 27 days with you has taught me valuable life lessons like how to hold down your liquor, how to react to foreigners, how to read a liability waiver, and how much I dislike the kids! But most of all, it's taught me how much of a wonderful person you are, Falcon!" said Ganondorf whimsically.

"Wow, that's really sweet bro. Do you mean that?" asked Falcon anxiously.

"No," laughed Ganondorf, walking past his cousin, "That would be the dumbest thing to tell anybody!"

Falcon tried his best to hold in his tears when Ganondorf wasn't looking.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Dude, we haven't seen anyone this leg..." muttered Lucario. "This is starting to become an epidemic!"

"I just don't want to be last, that's all I care about," added Mewtwo hopefully.

"Shut up, nobody was asking you," hissed Lucario angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"I cannot _wait_ for season two finale of My Little Pony," said Toon Link with gratification.

"That show is such garbage," scoffed Jigglypuff, annoyed by Toon Link's off-hand comments.

"Well it's better than that _Happy Tree Friends_ junk you watch," snapped Toon Link.

"Hey, it's not my fault the show is so addictingly cute!" complained Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake_

"We're done with our test," announced Roy proudly, handing in their test results.

The instructor immediately noticed the lack of answers on some problems.

"You have to fill in all the answers, and get them correctly. Fortunately, you only have to correct the ones you got wrong, we don't make you do it completely over again." explained the test instructor, handing back their tests.

"Drat," muttered Snake tiredly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Another mile to go, and we should be there." said Falcon.

"This good, we're making good progress, let's continue to keep it up!" smiled Ganondorf.

"Agreed, fellow fraternity brother Ganondorf!" agreed fellow fraternity brother Falcon.

"Gee, if only our fellow fraternity brothers could see us now!" smiled Ganondorf.

A wavy flashback occured, one similar to the TV show 'Lost'.

_"We now announce you two to be full-fledge Pika Jig Pika Frat members!" announced TBSAR's Marth, to Ganondorf and his cousin Falcon._

_"Oh boy, I've been waiting for this day so long!" smiled Falcon, covered in some sort of alcohol and toilet paper._

_"That sure was a weird initiation though," mused Ganondorf, scratching his beard. "Why'd you make us stand still and let the other frat boys throw alcohol at us?"_

_"Yeah, and then when you made us be-"_

_"Never mind all that," snapped TBSAR's frat boy Fox, "You are now members and don't have to be bullied around no longer!"_

_"Yeah, whatever." said a satisfied Falcon, "As long as I'm in a Fraternity Brotherhood!"_

"Man, those were the days!" said Falcon, reminiscing back pre-race.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"If you see another team, let me know. I have something particular in mind for the next team we end up crossing." said Mewtwo.

"Alright, gotcha." agreed Lucario.

They continued to walk in silence, towards Jubilife City.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We probably should be going a bit faster," sighed Jigglypuff, who was walking in the lead.

"Uh-huh, sure, whatever," said Toon Link, smiling. "I'd be moving faster, but I took an arrow to the knee..."

Jigglypuff punched him in the face.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Woot, we're done already!" cheered Snake, handing in their test results.

"Time to go now," said Roy, taking the next clue dramatically and ripping it open. "You must now look for your next clue with the following hint... I am the second-tallest building in Jubilife City!"

_"Teams must now search for their next clue, which will be on top of the second-tallest building in Jubilife City, the local Jubilife City TV building! Once teams reach the roof of this building, they will find their next clue!" reported Koopa from atop said roof._

"This leg is really navigationally-oriented," decided a despondent Snake after reading the clue several times.

"I have a feeling this leg is nowhere near from over." said Roy in an ominous tone.

They left the building in a hurry.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Here's the next clue, bro!" laughed Ganondorf victoriously, waving the next clue proudly for his team mate to see.

"Why are you yelling?" asked Falcon, annoyed. "I'm right here..."

"WHAT?" screamed a tone-deaf Ganondorf, right in Falcon's ear.

Falcon's eardrum exploded, knocking him unconscious from all the pain.

"Oh well. I guess I'll go ahead and read the next clue!" said Ganondorf chuckling, ripping open the envelope merrily in order to see what the clue would say.

Once he had it open, he read aloud, "Make your way inside the Poké Trainer's School, and take the Pokémon test!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Hey, do you hear any voices?" asked Mewtwo to his brother, hearing the frat brothers in the distance.

"Nope. You must be going crazy..." said Lucario eerily, "And if you're going crazy... I guess I'll have to put you down..."

He started loading a shotgun.

...

"Uh... what are you talking about?" asked Mewtwo nervously. "And what are you doing with that shotgun?"

Lucario continued to load the shotgun, smiling in a creepy manner.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Could you be moving any slower?" asked Jigglypuff to her partner, annoyed.

"It'll take some huge, continuity error to get me moving," said a rebellious Toon Link, moving even slower at the mention of his pace.

The sound of rabid wolves could be heard in the distance.

"You know what, I think you're right!" added Toon Link, laughing nervously as he sped past Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake_

"We've got to find that clue, keep a weather eye out!" warned Roy in a gruff manner.

"Okay! I have just the thing!" said Snake, taking out a telescope.

"What the heck is that going to do?" asked Roy.

"Well we could use it to find the clue!" replied Snake with a little exasperation in his tone.

...

"You do realize we- You know what, I'm not even going to bother that one with an answer..." decided Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"So where is this Pokemon Trainer's School?" wondered Ganondorf aloud.

"Hey maybe we should ask a local," voiced Falcon, looking around for one.

"Find one that looks like he knows what he's talking abou-Ouch!" howled Ganondorf, as Snake ran straight into him, knocking both of them over.

"Oh I'm so sorry, sir," began Snake, helping Ganondorf up, "I did not mean to do tha-Oh it's you!"

"How long have you two been here?" asked Falcon, as Roy just began to walk up.

"Ach, that depends, tell us first how long ye have been here!" retorted Roy, almost rudely.

"What, in this province, or in this town?" asked Ganondorf.

"Either one," sighed Roy.

"We just got to this town about five minutes ago and we have no idea what place we're in." admitted Ganondorf, crossing his arms.

"Neither do we, but at least we know we're not last," smiled Snake menacingly.

"What are you talking about? How long have you two been here?" asked Falcon curiously.

"Thirty minutes. You might want to hurry to the task, 'cause you two are probably in last..." explained Snake "It's over that way, if you must know..."

Snake told the truth; he pointed in the right direction of the next clue's destination.

"Aye, We'd best be on our way now," said Roy cryptically, dragging Snake with him.

_Roy and Snake_

Once the two of them were out of earshot, Roy began severely reprimanding his son, for exploiting the location of the clue.

"What in the blazes were ye thinkin', giving them th' location like that? They're just one clue away from bein' even with us, and there ye are, givin' them all the answers!" scolded Roy angrily.

"Well maybe if you understood verbal warefare better, you'd be thanking me." snapped Snake, rubbing his neck.

"What are ye jabbering about now?" asked a confused Roy.

"Think about it, it's the penultimate leg in the race... they're bound not to trust us by now... and I'm telling them the truth when they must think it's a lie..." said Snake slyly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"I don't trust their directions," muttered Ganondorf.

"Neither do I, did you see that look Snake had after he thought we were too far away to notice?" asked Falcon angrily.

"So should we listen to them?" asked Ganondorf.

"Definitely not, I'm positive they lied," replied Falcon.

_Roy and Snake_

"Good work, son! We still need to find that next clue fast though, they might see through your bluff anyways!" said Roy, smiling at his son's accomplishment.

"Yeah, eventually they'll figure out I actually was telling the truth and then they might be pissed at us." figured Snake, running alongside his dad.

_Falcon_

"When we met up with the father and son for the first time since leg ten," explained Falcon, "Things got really tense for us. We had no idea what place we were in, but two things became frighteningly real for me: We were definitely not first, and we might have just been in dead-last."

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"I don't seem to recall the walk to Jubilife City taking this long," noticed Lucario.

"That's probably because we're carrying all this unneeded equipment," explained Mewtwo.

"I don't think that's what the problem is..." said Lucario.

"Then it's probably because you're walking as slowly as possible to Jubilife City because you and me had an argument over who could walk to Jubilife City the slowest and you then made a bet with me for 15 dollars but then you changed it to 20 dollars when you realized you could actually stand a chance of beating me but then after I cancelled the bet, instead you just said 'screw it, I'm walking as slow as I can just cause I can', and you're doing just that," explained Mewtwo.

"No, I don't think that's why either," said Lucario.

"Then it's because of the equipment," explained Mewtwo.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Inside there, that must be where Professor Rowan would be," pointed out Toon Link, towards the Poké Center.

"Wouldn't he be in the research lab seeing as he's a professor and that's where professors study?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Don't be an idiot, Jigglypuff! That's what they want us to think!" said Toon Link angrily, storming off into the local Poké mart instead.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"We need to be serious, brother! After all, this is the second-last leg!" explained Mewtwo.

"Yes, let us be serious so we can win this race." decided Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"We're going in the complete opposite direction that Snake told us, because he obviously lied," laughed Ganondorf.

"Yeah, we totally outsmarted them..." chuckled Falcon heartily.

_Roy and Snake_

"Excuse me, but which building 'round here is the second-tallest building?" asked Roy to a local nearby. "We're in a race, you see..."

"I know what building is the tallest, but not the second-tallest, sorry," replied the local boy.

"Well that's fine, what's the tallest then?" asked Roy.

"It's the Arcea Tower, it's straight ahead that way." explained the local.

"What are you planning on doing?" asked Snake.

"I'm going to look it up on the internet from some other building," outlined Roy, walking towards the Arcea Tower.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Dude, all the building around here are pretty small compared to the ones where Snake and Roy were," said Ganondorf.

"Give up on that, bro! They were lying!" snapped Falcon angrily, continuing to run around in the same general area, looking for a fairly tall building.

"Maybe we should just check over where they happened to run into us?" queried Ganondorf.

"NO! NEVER! I'LL LOSE MY PRIDE IF IT TURNS UP THERE!" howled Falcon, digging in the grass in a futile attempt to find the clue.

"...Didn't you say that last time we got lost and couldn't find the clue?" wondered Ganondorf aloud.

_Roy and Snake_

"Excuse me, can we use your computer?" asked Roy.

"Sure thing." replied the worker, getting off his laptop and handing it to Roy.

"Look up the Arcea Tower on the internet, then look up second-tallest tower!" said Snake excitedly.

Roy did just that, and they got their answer, the Jubilife City TV building.

"Hey, do you happen to know where this building is?" asked Snake, pointing to the picture.

"Actually," laughed the local, "We're inside that building right now!"

Everybody laughed merrily at the ironic situation.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Dude, why are you so afraid of just checking where Roy and Snake were at?" asked Ganondorf irritably, shaking his head. "Are you afraid of being wrong? Are you an Atychiphobiac?"

"Okay... okay fine, we can check over there," sobbed Falcon uncontrollably, picking himself up.

They walked back to where they had met the father and son.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"There it is at last," said Roy with gratification in his voice, reaching the roof finally.

The father and son walked through the door leading out to the roof of the building, and took the next clue.

"Detour, Grounded Down or Watered Down?" read Snake excitedly, before adding, "Warning, U-Turn ahead!"

_"A detour is a choice between two tasks!" said Koopa Troopa, "Each with its pros and cons!"_

_"In Grounded Down, teams have to walk up north into Floaroma Town, and once there teams must pick enough berries to fill two giant baskets, and take them to a nearby shed. Once teams have done this, they must make the berries into juice using a berry-smashing machine. And finally, they must sell all of the special berry juice to locals! This is obviously the easier side of the detour, but the problem with this task is the complication of the multiple tasks!"_

_"In Watered Down, teams have to head west through town until they reach Canalave City, where teams have to use their boating skills to bring in one of four free-roaming buoys, all attached with the next clue! This task sounds relatively easy, however, these buoys could float into anywhere, causing quite a dilemma for the racers. Another catch is if you didn't pick the water Pokémon earlier, this task might be ridiculously hard!"_

_"This is the __**last**__ of five U-turns on the race! A U-turn is always after a Detour, as teams who choose to use their U-Turn powers can force any team behind them to backtrack and do the task in the Detour that they did not complete! Teams may only use their U-Turn powers once in the race, so they must decide when it's most advantageous to go for it!"_

"I say we do Watered Down," decided Snake finally. "Say, have we even used our U-Turn yet?"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Okay we're here now, so keep an eye out for other teams in case more show up..." explained Ganondorf in detail.

"Here's your test, and good luck!" said the test instructor good-naturedly.

The frats took the test copies and began almost immediately.

"Just guess on all of them, we don't have time to actually take this test!" said Falcon nervously.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Make your way inside the Poké Trainer's School, and take the Pokémon test!" finished Mewtwo.

"If I had to take a guess, I'd say we're in second..." said Lucario testily.

"Yeah well I don't care what place we are, as long as we get to stay in to the final leg!" said Mewtwo hopefully.

"I'm surprised I even made it this far with someone as dumb as you," snapped Lucario maliciously.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Teams must now choose one of four Pokémon to accompany them on their journey to become Poke masters!" read Jigglypuff aloud.

They looked at the Turtwig, which was the only remaining Pokémon left.

"Where are the others?" asked Toon Link in alarm.

"This isn't time for _Gregor the Overlander_ references, Toony," sighed Jigglypuff. "Hey, where are the other three Pokemon? If they're not here, and there's supposed to be four..."

...

"Then that must mean... _the others are hiding_!" finished Jigglypuff excitedly.

"We'll take the Turtwig," said Toon Link bitterly, taking the last Poké ball.

"I wonder if there's a chance we can still catch up," muttered Toon Link to himself.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Okay, so we have to find this supposed building where people go to learn about Pokémon..." said Mewtwo, having re-read the clue to be sure.

"This leg is really easy, after all, this is our homeland!" said a smug Lucario.

"Oh hey, I've been to this school before," noticed Mewtwo, his team already at the next destination.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Turn in our test answers," said Falcon, handing his in.

"Alright but first let me finish filling mine in." explained Ganondorf.

"Oh, I think it doesn't matter if we get all of them right," said Falcon arrogantly.

High-pitched string music played.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Yes, this is definitely the right place!" said Lucario, looking around the room.

"I concur, this is indeed the Poké Trainer's School!" concurred Mewtwo, nodding.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"You both failed the Poké Trainer's School test!" said the instructor. "Fortunately for both of you, you can re-take the test and the ones you got right won't be changed..."

"Okay, good. Now let's take this test again, the Poké Trainer's School test..." repeated Ganondorf, claiming their tests again and continuing on where they had messed up.

"Man, this Poké Trainer's test is hard!" complained Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Here's your Poké Trainer's test, and good luck!" said the test instructor good-naturedly.

"Why, thank you!" said Mewtwo graciously, accepting his test.

"Hey pal, I need a pencil," said Lucario, tapping the shoulder of the person next to him.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Here you go," replied Ganondorf, supplying Falcon with a pencil since Falcon's broke.

"Thanks man, it was really bothering me," said Falcon good-naturedly.

They continued working on their test in a hurried fashion.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"We have 3 miles to go until we reach Jubilife City, this blows," sighed Toon Link depressedly.

"Can we use bikes?" asked Jigglypuff hopefully.

"No," replied Toon Link.

...

...

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake_

"Hey, can we have directions to Canalave City?" asked Roy to a local.

"Why are you asking for directions, dad? Directions are for wimps!" laughed Snake.

Roy rolled his eyes.

"Stop rolling your eyes, dad! You know I hate that!" complained Snake.

Roy sighed.

"Pssh, real men don't need directions to some stupid location," said Snake arrogantly, walking forward and taking the lead.

_five minutes later..._

"PLEASE HELP ME! I'M SO LOST!" sobbed Snake hysterically.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Here are our tests!" said Falcon dramatically, handing in their tests.

The instructor took them willingly, and almost immediately began pointing out errors.

"I can already tell this is going to be a very hard task for us," sighed Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Here are our tests mister test instructor!" said Mewtwo, handing in his and his brother's tests.

A local nearby noticed the two Pokémon, and immediately started yelling. "Mewtwo and Lucario? The legendary Pokémon? I can't believe I'm actually meeting you guys!"

"Um yeah, sure." sighed Mewtwo.

"I'm your biggest fan!" said the Twins' number one fan.

"Yeah, I can totally tell," continued Mewtwo, noticing the fan's shirt which clearly read _Mewtwo and Lucario are the best, and anyone who says differently can burn!_.

"For some reason I don't believe that," said Lucario.

"Why's that?" asked Mewtwo curiously.

"Dude, it's common knowledge that when somebody says they're something's biggest fan, they don't know anything about the subject!" explained Lucario.

"Where have I heard that advice before?" wondered Mewtwo aloud.

A wavy flashback occured, one similar to the TV show 'Lost'.

_"If she's your biggest fan, doesn't she know that I'm the villain to your hero?" asked Bowser sceptically._

_"Bowser-a, it's common knowledge that anyone-a who says they're something's-a biggest fan doesn't-a know crap about the subject-a!" laughed Mari-_

"I didn't mean answer it!" replied Mewtwo angrily, interrupting the transition and breaking the fourth wall viciously.

"Well no matter, hopefully that test instructor is almost done with our test results..." mused Lucario thoughtfully.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"You both failed the test, you still have eleven mistakes you have to fix," explained the instructor.

"Damn it, this is really starting to get on my nerves," fumed Falcon, taking back their tests and starting to work on them again.

"I wonder what's all the ruckus in the other room," wondered Ganondorf, cleaning out his ears as he listened in on Mewtwo and Lucario on accident, who happened to be next door.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"You both passed the test," explained the test instructor, handing them their next clue.

"See I knew you two would pull through," smiled the number one fan, "After all, you two are the legendary Mewtwo and Lucario!"

"You're really starting to annoy me-" began Lucario, before Mewtwo intervened.

"Ignore him, brother, it's what I am doing." advised Mewtwo, trying to keep his sibling in check.

"Can you guys sign my chest?" asked the fan, "...In permanent ink?"

"You must now look for your next clue with the following hint... I am the second-tallest building in Jubilife City!" read Mewtwo aloud.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"You still have three errors," explained the instructor.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," sighed Ganondorf, exasperated.

"Well, there's only one answer we haven't picked on the three of them," noticed Falcon.

They quickly marked the last remaining answers.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We have another mile to go before we reach Canalave City," explained Roy. "Once we finish the Detour, the U-Turn is back in Jubilife City, so we'll have to make a run for it if we don't want to be U-Turned."

"Say, didn't the frat boys already U-Turn somebody?" asked Snake curiously.

"You're right, and I think so has the Twins. Maybe we're the only ones left who can U-Turn then." stated Roy happily.

"Looks like we're in the clear this leg," said Snake evilly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Hey number one fan, do you know what the second-tallest building around here is?" asked Mewtwo.

"No, but I'll look it up for you," explained the number on fan excitedly.

"Bingo," said Lucario evilly.

"Apples to Apples." replied Mewtwo.

"We're not naming board games you idiot," said Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"We're done!" said Ganondorf. "Now give us the clue. ...Please."

"You must now look for your next clue with the following hint: I am the second-tallest building in Jubilife City." read Falcon loudly and emphasizing every syllable with extreme annoyance.

"Could you not do that?" asked the instructor, annoyed.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"The second-tallest building is the Jubilife City TV building." said the number one fan with excitement.

"Perfect, now we just need to get to there and that isn't going to be very hard." analyzed Lucario.

"Can you find a way to print it out, or write it down or something?" asked Mewtwo to the fan.

"Anything for you guys," said the number one fan admiringly.

He used WUPHF(_dot_)com in order to do so, if you get the reference.

"Yes, now we have a picture reference!" said Lucario happily, him and his brother walking out the front door.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"I know just the thing to help us find the second-tallest building," decided Falcon. "We get on top of _the_ tallest building, look down at the other buildings, and we just find the tallest!"

"What's the tallest then?" asked Ganondorf.

"The Arcea tower," explained Falcon. "Now let's go find that tower!"

They ran out the back door of the school.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

"Another 2 miles and we should be in Jubilife," recapped Toon Link.

"What time is it?" asked Jigglypuff.

"1:56 PM in the local time," said Toon Link after checking his satellite phone.

"You do realize it's illegal for you to have any sort of cellular device while on the race, righ-" asked the cameraman.

"Shut up," interrupted Toon Link childishly.

"But you'll get yourself penalized," sighed the cameraman.

"Damnation and eternal suffering!" screamed Toon Link, throwing his satellite phone in the nearby pond.

"You could have just handed it to me," said the cameraman meekly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"That building over there, that should be the Arcea Tower." pointed out Ganondorf casually.

"Let's get a move-on and get inside, who knows how close the other teams are!" said Falcon ominously.

High-pitched string music played, which always meant certain doom for other teams.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Use the picture reference, you fool," reminded Lucario angrily while shoving the picture to Mewtwo.

"When I asked for it to see if we were in front of the right building, you merely threw your backpack at me," explained Mewtwo monotonously.

"Nobody likes a smartass, Mewtwo." reminded Lucario dryly.

"Actually, that's not being a smartass. Now I would be acting like one if I were to say something more along the lines of-"

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

The frat boys ran inside the building, and without a word hopped inside an elevator.

"The top floor, and from there we go to the roof." explained Falcon.

"This is a good idea, we'll have it solved within minutes!" stated Ganondorf.

They waited out the rest of the elevator ride in silence.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Not much further from here," sighed Roy tiredly, as he and his son ran across a bridge on Route 218. "Have you been training our Piplup?"

"Yes, indeed I have." said Snake with excitement, stroking a fake random mustache.

"We should probably catch a second Pokémon to use for back-up in case our only one faints in battle," realized Roy.

"Next time we fight one, I'll capture it then..." decided Snake quietly.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff_

The sound of rabid wolves could be heard in the distance.

"What the hell!" yelled Toon Link angrily. "I didn't even do anything this time!"

"Maybe they just don't like you...?" wondered Jigglypuff.

"Why do they never attack you?" asked Toon Link with fury, climbing a small tree.

"One, I rubbed myself with protective anti-wolf oil before we started the leg, and secondly, that tree isn't going to stop them from getting you." explained Jigglypuff ominously.

"Anti-wolf oil? What the hell is that? And how would you ever figure we would be encountering wolves anyways?" screamed Toon Link, just as the wolves starting tearing the tree down in a feeding frenzy.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"A wild Shinx! I shall obtain it!" said Snake excitedly.

He threw a Poké ball at it, but missed and instead captured a tree.

"Curses, my Poké ball missed," cursed Snake rapidly.

He threw a Poké ball at it, but missed and instead captured a sign.

"Maybe you should lower its health first," advised Roy.

"Don't tell me what to do." replied Snake irritably, despite following Roy's advice. "Use Bubble, Piplup!"

It damaged the Shinx, and lost about 1/5th of its health.

He threw another Poké ball at it, but missed and instead captured a rake.

The Shinx grew bored and left the battle field.

He threw another Poké ball at it as it retreated, but missed and instead captured a Sudowoodo.

"Good enough," shrugged Snake, taking the Sudowoodo inside.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Alright, this must be the roof." said Ganondorf, blatantly stating the most obvious. "Now what?"

"We search for the building that's the tallest from our point of view," explained Falcon.

They looked at the other buildings nearby.

"Maybe that one over there is the one?" guessed Ganondorf, pointing to the Jubilife City TV building.

"Yeah right, that one over there is definitely taller." said Falcon, pointing to the wrong building entirely.

They watched Mewtwo and Lucario walk inside the building Ganondorf was pointing at.

"That must be the building!" yelled Ganondorf, turning to leave.

Falcon had already left and was halfway to the elevator.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"It's definitely the right one," said Mewtwo, laughing at their fortune.

"Hurry up and get in the elevator over there, who knows what place we could be in?" sighed Lucario, shoving his brother inside.

As they walked inside the elevator, they heard the frats' distant cries of terror.

"Did you say something?" asked Mewtwo curiously.

"Nope." replied Lucario.

"Strange, I thought I heard someone screaming rapidly about beating those twins or something..." mused Mewtwo.

Both brothers shrugged and waited out the rest of the elevator ride in silence.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"THAT'S THE ONE! PRESS THE BUTTON!" yelled Ganondorf frantically.

Falcon ran forward, and began repeatedly pressing the elevator-summoning-button thing.

"It worked, it worked! The elevator is on its way back down!" said Ganondorf excitedly.

"Let's get in a different elevator then, and beat them up there!" said Falcon resolutely.

They ran inside the closest elevator nearby and repeatedly pressed the top floor button.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"What happened? Why is the elevator stopping?" asked Lucario.

"Hmm, it appears somebody summoned the elevator back down to the bottom floor," noticed Mewtwo dryly.

"Summoned the elevator? What is this, Lord of the Rings? What do you mean by this?" asked Lucario angrily.

"I mean by somebody called us back down to the ground floor, and we're going all the way back downnnn," said Mewtwo in a condescending baby tone.

Lucario punched Mewtwo in both eyes for his insolent tone.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We should seriously consider buying a bike, or something." sighed Roy, clutching his swollen foot.

"No, we won't need one anymore," said Snake simply, pointing to the vast stretches of sea that lay ahead of them.

"Then we are extremely lucky we picked the water Pokémon," said Roy ecstatically, laughing at their good fortune.

"Piplup, I want you to use surf," said Snake to the Piplup.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

The frat boys ran out of the nearby door and straight to the clue box.

"Detour," read Falcon aloud as he was ripping it open, "Grounded Down or Watered Down?"

"This is going to be a hard one..." sighed Ganondorf quietly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

The twins were shocked at the sight of the frat boys, but only for a moment.

"Looks like we caught up to you," laughed Mewtwo nervously.

"How do you know it wasn't us who caught up to _you_?" asked Falcon angrily.

"I'm thinking we were ahead and you managed to only get lucky enough to beat us to the clue box," said Lucario pompously.

"Detour, Grounded Down or Watered Down?" read Mewtwo out loud.

"We take whatever task the frats take," whispered Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Watered Down sounds like specifically a water Pokémon task, meanwhile Grounded Down sounds as if it will take some effort but is definitely easier than the other one if you're not carrying the water-type." decided Ganondorf wearily.

"Grounded Down it is, then." announced Falcon anticlimactically.

They departed for the task almost immediately after reading about the huge distance to the task.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We don't want to lose them, not after all this," said Mewtwo dramatically, chasing after the frats.

Lucario followed closely after.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way inside the Poké Trainer's School, and take the Pokémon test!" read Jigglypuff from the clue she received by the city greeter.

"This race sucks," said Toon Link angrily, bleeding profusely from the wolf bites.

"Come on Toony, we have to take a test on Pokémon!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.

Toon Link yelped when Jigglypuff grabbed his limp arm to drag him towards the school looming in the distance.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Ach, I think we're here now," noticed Roy casually.

They hopped off of their Piplup and walked inside the city-gate entrance.

"So this must be Canalave City." said Snake simply.

"We need to find somebody, like a sailor or someone who will know where the river strip is." explained Roy with simplicity.

"You there, where are we?" asked Snake to the closest person in a demanding tone.

"Welcome to Canalave City, the canal city!" replied some local. "In the old days, this port used to be a hub of cargo transportation."

"That's nice. Now where is the river strip?" asked Roy casually.

"The last time I ever heard that," said Snake dramatically, "Was the last time I ever saw my best friend alive."

...

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We have to keep going, due north." explained Falcon tiredly.

"What time is it now? We need to keep track of the time." asked Ganondorf.

"It's 2:32 PM in the local Sinnoh time." reported Falcon, after glancing at his watch.

They continued wearily on, the twins almost directly behind them.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Don't let up and just keep following them!" said Lucario frantically.

"I don't think leeching off of another team is going to really benefit us this leg," sighed Mewtwo.

"What, and actually do work? What is wrong with you today, Mewtwo?" asked Lucario angrily.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Ugh, this test is really starting to get to me," said Jigg- I mean Toon Link, irritably.

"I'm a Pokémon, so this is some easy stuff!" smiled Jigglypuff happily, finishing hers.

"Wait, before you hand it in give it to me." said Toon Link shiftily.

"But... but that's cheating!" said Jigglypuff, horrified at the thought of such a heinous crime. "Just the thought of it makes me want to go into a nervous mental breakdown!"

"Just give me the paper, darn it!" said Toon Link, stealing her paper.

As he began working on it, he also added, "Just like our Middle School days, huh Jiggly?"

_Roy and Snake  
On Watered Down_

"Over there? Okay, thanks mate." said Roy, walking over to the river strip.

"We have to capture one of those?" asked Snake with contempt, looking at the bobbing buoys.

"Apparently so," stated Roy as-a-matter-of-factly.

"This is going to be a piece of cake." added Snake, hopping into a nearby motor boat.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Dude, I think Mewtwo and his bro are following us," noticed Ganondorf wearily.

"Are they really? Wow they must be pretty desperate if they're stooping _that_ low," laughed Falcon arrogantly.

"Why would you say that? Isn't that what we did back in leg s-"

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT," lied Falcon nervously.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"You think we could beat them in a footrace?" asked Mewtwo to his brother.

"I doubt it, they're pretty athletic I'd have to say." replied Lucario.

...

"That's it?" asked Mewtwo. "You have nothing else to add? No insults?"

"Not really," said Lucario. "I'm extremely tired right now."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're done." said Toon Link, handing in their tests.

"I can't believe you made me do that," said Jigglypuff, looking as if she had just witnessed a traumatizing event.

"Big deal, I copied off your test," sighed Toon Link. "Get over it."

Everyone gasped in horror.

"So what? I used to do it all the time in third period," admitted Toon Link.

Back at home, Toon Link's teacher, who happened to be watching the show, made him fail the class.

_Roy and Snake  
On Watered Down_

"Okay, I've almost got it." said Snake, almost within reach of the buoy in his boat.

"Oh yeah, you're not allowed to use boats," added the instructor at the last possible second.

"Are you kidding me? I'm already touching the freaking thing!" said Snake angrily, his hand on the buoy.

"Do you _want_ to be penalized?" retorted the man angrily.

Snake jumped overboard and began swimming to the retreating buoy.

"Why aren't you helping, dad?" asked Snake, spitting out sea water.

"Uh... don't worry, I'm right behind you," said Roy timidly, still on the land with the instructor and with all the gear.

"Stop fooling around and get in here," spluttered Snake, still trying to reach the buoy.

"Yeah... I'm getting in right now... don't worry son... daddy's... on his way..." said Roy nervously.

_Roy_

"Fear of water? That's ridiculous, you'd die without water," laughed Roy casually.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"I'm finding the twins to be quite annoying this leg," admitted Falcon impatiently.

"Agreed. I'm starting to really have a disliking for them if they're really going to stoop this low on the penultimate leg." decided Ganondorf.

"Maybe we should sprint the rest of the way to Floaroma Town?" asked Falcon.

Ganondorf nodded appreciatively and they started running as fast as they could.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Oh, so that's what It's come to, huh?" said Lucario angrily, following after the frats as fast as his body would let him.

Mewtwo followed his brother in silence, knowing he would simply receive backlash for commenting on how he was right about his prediction earlier.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"What does the sign ahead read?" yelled Ganondorf as he was catching up to Falcon.

The sign next to the cave entrance read, 'Ravaged Path entrance'.

"This is definitely it," laughed Falcon at their navigational success, running directly into the dark, dank cave without any concern.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Damn it, where did they run off to?" asked Lucario curiously, having already left his brother behind.

He looked around edgily, scanning for any signs that the frats had travelled in the general direction.

"I really hope we're not the last place team," sighed Lucario desperately.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"I really like Sinnoh, maybe I'll come back here and visit one day," said Ganondorf.

"You do realize this is the same province Mewtwo and Lucario live in, right?" asked Falcon.

"Yeah, now I'm starting to realize how stupid that statement really was." admitted Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

Mewtwo finally caught up with his brother, panting heavily.

"Man... I am... really out of... breath, bro..." panted Mewtwo doggedly.

"Dude, we ran like what, a hundred yards? You are seriously out of shape..." smirked Lucario.

"Shut up..." said Mewtwo tiredly.

"Where are we supposed to be headed, anyways?" asked Lucario.

"Floaroma Town. Seriously Lucario, the clue told us where to go, and to boot, we've lived here our entire childhood lives, how could you forget something like that?" chastised Mewtwo.

"Actually for once it wasn't my fault," said Lucario arrogantly, looking up at the sky.

"You make one mistake, and _everyone_ has to bring it up," sighed the author, up on a cloud.

_Roy and Snake  
On Watered Down_

"Gaah, the sea water burns!" screamed Snake, his eyes watering from the water.

Roy continued to meekly watch from the sidelines.

"Go son... yeah... yae can do it..." said Roy weakly.

Snake gripped the buoy, but slipped and fell back into the cold water.

"Damn it!" coughed Snake, spitting out sea water.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Here's your next clue," said the instructor teacher, handing them their next clue.

"Thanks!" replied Jigglypuff, ripping it open instantly and reading in an upbeat manner, "You must now look for your next clue with the following hint: I am the second-tallest building in Jubilife City..."

"Well this sucks," said Toon Link depressedly. "That's a stupid hint..."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"There it is, Floaroma town!" said Ganondorf with excitement, walking out from the cave and heading towards the small village that consisted of maybe eight houses.

"Check the clue... we need to see where in the town exactly the berry field we need to go to is at." said Falcon.

Ganondorf rummaged through his backpack, but couldn't find the clue.

"It's not in here," said Ganondorf nervously.

Falcon took off his backpack, and searched it for the clue. He did not end up finding it.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me..." sighed Ganondorf exasperatedly.

High-pitched string music played.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

They read a sign next to the cave entrance that read, 'Ravaged Path entrance'.

"Looks like this is it, alright." nodded Mewtwo.

"Maybe if we're lucky, we'll end up swinging by our hometown, Solaceon." added Lucario.

"And we could say hi to mommy!" said Mewtwo childishly.

"I don't know about that, but it'd be nice to visit that playground, where I spent most of my days." reminisced Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Dude, we cannot let this happen..." said Falcon. "How did this even happen?"

"This can't be happening... this has to be a dream..." said Ganondorf, horrified. "Maybe if I pinch myself..."

He pinched himself, really hard.

"OW! That didn't work!" yelled Ganondorf.

Falcon tried to put on a brave face, as he said "We need to act on our mistake, not just focus on how we messed up. Let's start by asking locals nearby if they've seen a clue anywhere, or if they know where the berry field we particularly need to go to."

Immediately the Frat boys galvanized into action and started asking nearby people if they'd seen the clue.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Keep a wary eye about, those frats are somewhere up ahead." warned Mewtwo.

"Whatever, I'm more concerned about getting out of this cave." said Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Have either of you seen a clue around here? Or more precisely, a yellow sheet of paper?" asked Falcon to some nearby residents.

On the other side of the house, Ganondorf was digging frantically through some trash.

"It's not here either! I think we're done for," simpered Ganondorf sadly.

Falcon walked up, shaking his head. "Did you find it?"

"No, what about you?" queried Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Gee, thanks for nothing, dad. I almost died out there and you didn't do shi(f)t!" yelled Snake angrily.

"Ach, if anything, at least yae finished the task, right?" asked Roy shakily, still unnerved from earlier.

"Yeah well we still have to run all the way back to Jubilife City and back up to the roof." remembered Snake.

"Anyways, thanks for yer help, Billy!" said Roy to the instructor, as he and Snake started walking off.

"It's Philly," said the worker flatly, but the father and son were already too far away to hear him.

_Roy_

"I'm really bad with names..." said Roy sheepishly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_  
_Fraternity Brothers_

"This isn't going to work, let's just go ahead and follow the twins when they get here," said Ganondorf desperately.

"But wouldn't that pretty much demoralize what we were pretty much against? When we stated earlier in the leg we hated people who did that?" asked Falcon, a pained look in his face.

"Well, it's either that or we get elimina-"

"Nope, changed my mind, option number one," said Falcon rapidly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"It's 3:00 pm, the leg started for us over 13 hours now..." sighed Lucario after looking at his watch.

"Yeah hard to believe it's been that long!" said Mewtwo with enthusiasm.

"And every second of it has been like hell since it was spent with you..." said Lucario cruelly, "...But I guess it's all worth it since it's for a million dollars and I'll finally be rich."

Mewtwo shot him a venomous glare when he turned back around.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"This is it, we just need to take the stairs all the way to the roof." explained Toon Link.

Jigglypuff was already ahead of him.

"Whatever," said Toon Link indifferently.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Now we have to take our Piplup all the way back to Jubilife," sighed Roy irritably, as he and his son rode their Pokémon through the choppy river water.

"At least we lucked out with picking the right Pokémon for the right task." mused Snake thoughtfully.

"Agreed." agreed Roy in an agreeing manner, the agreement showing on his gratified face with relief.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

Jigglypuff read aloud, her excitement showing through her voice, "Detour! Grounded Down or Watered Down? Warning, U-Turn ahead!"

"Grounded down, definitely." decided Toon Link.

"Too bad we have more walking to do to get there!" said Jigglypuff.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"So we just wait for the twins to show up, then we follow them straight to the detour task." said Falcon, outlining their plan.

Ganondorf nodded. "Yes, that's correct."

"I guess we just chill until then, huh?" wondered Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Finally, it's good to be out of that dreary cave." said Mewtwo in relaxation.

They walked out of the cave.

"Why did say that before we were actually out of the cave?" asked Lucario.

"Bite me," said Mewtwo, annoyed by the question.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"There they are. Act casual, like we just got here..." whispered Falcon.

The twin brothers walked up, a little unnerved by the frats' appearance.

"What are you two loitering around here for?" asked Lucario.

"Oh, no reason. We're just waiting for that library to open," said Ganondorf, pointing to a nearby house.

"That looks like a house," observed Mewtwo.

"Well maybe it's a library-house," suggested Falcon nervously.

"What the heck is a library-house?" asked Mewtwo.

"It's... a library served to you from a person's home..." said Falcon unconvincingly.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of! Who do you two numbskulls think you're fooling?" snapped Lucario angrily, walking inside the house. "Now I'm going to prove to you two it's just a house!"

"Welcome to Floaroma's only _Library-house_, run by the Smith family!" said the owner of the house proudly.

...

"Damn you, frat boys." said Lucario, walking off in anger.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 1/3_

"There's the field we need to get the berries from." said Mewtwo, running up to the eight baskets left for the racers.

Mewtwo grabbed one, then added, "There's two for the both of us."

They each took one and walked into the giant berry fields and almost immediately began filling them up with berries.

"Strawberry fields forever, huh?" laughed Mewtwo.

Lucario pretended not to hear Mewtwo's pathetic reference.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 1/3_

"Our fatal clue error caused for us to let the twins catch up to us, but at least if anything we're level with them." said Ganondorf optimistically.

"Yeah bro," agreed Falcon, taking a basket for himself.

"We have to fill these things all the way to the top, right dude?" asked Ganondorf.

"Yeah that's right." confirmed Falcon, taking a handful and dumping it into the basket.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Either we are really far ahead of the others or we're really far behind everyone else," said Toon Link ominously. "Because we haven't seen anyone today. Not even a sighting."

"I just hope we get to stay in, just one more leg," said Jigglypuff hopefully.

"If we don't win the million, I'm killing myself." said Toon Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"D' ye reckon there's not much further until the Pit stop?" asked Roy.

"How should I know? I didn't create this race," replied Snake pompously.

Roy looked offended, but nevertheless shrugged it off.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 1/3_

"There has to be a faster way to do this," said Lucario resentfully, ripping several berries off of a plant nearby.

"I'm trying to think of one." explained Mewtwo, as he was working.

"Well hurry up, this is getting tiresome really fast." said Lucario, his hands covered in dirt and grime.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 1/3_

"This will take quite a while unless we can think of some idea to get this done quicker," admitted Falcon.

"Maybe we could check that shed nearby for something to use?" suggested Ganondorf.

"Good idea, you do that and I'll stay here and fill up my basket in the mean time." said Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 1/3_

"I just hope the other steps of this task aren't nearly this difficult." sighed Lucario, his arms hurting.

Mewtwo used his mind to rip several plants out from their roots and dump all the berries in his basket.

"Why didn't you think of this sooner?" said Lucario, outraged.

"Because you never brought it up." replied Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 1/3_

"Okay I'm back." said Ganondorf, walking back with a shovel.

"What the heck is a shovel going to do?" asked Falcon.

"We use it to dig up the plants from the roots, dump the berries into the container." explained Ganondorf.

"Alright bro, let's do this!" said Falcon, following Ganondorf's wise advice.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 1/3_

"Hah, this task is a breeze with our psychic powers!" said Mewtwo enthusiastically, using his mind to cleave through an entire row of berries and pluck them altogether into the basket.

"You can say that again." said Lucario, also using his mind to his advantage.

"Hah, this task is a breeze with our psy-"

"I didn't actually mean it, dumbass. It was rhetorical." snapped Lucario angrily.

"No matter, we're done now." said Mewtwo, both their baskets overflowing with berries.

"It says we need to go into the shed and make this into berry juice or something." said Lucario, using his psychic powers to carry the overflowing berry basket.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 1/3_

"They're already done with the first part because they used their psychic abilities," said Falcon bitterly, digging up entire plants with the shovel.

"We can't lose them, because we don't know what we're supposed to do once we finish with filling the baskets!" reminded Ganondorf, taking the plants his cousin dug up and emptying them into their baskets.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're back in Jubilife, though now we need to make it to the centre of the town which is where the U-Turn will be," explained Roy to the camera.

"We have to hurry! There's no time to waste! They're right behind us!" said Snake dramatically.

Roy looked behind them.

"There's nobody there." said Roy.

"I'm trying to make our scenes more epic so we get more face time on camera." explained Snake.

"That makes sense I guess." decided Roy.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 2/3_

"Now we have to dump them into this machine and start it up." explained Mewtwo, doing so as he explained it.

"Quit telling me all this, I already know." said Lucario, annoyed.

Mewtwo tried to ignore the comment and stepped aside for Lucario to dump the berries in.

Lucario dumped them in, and most of his berries ended up jamming the machine.

"Dude, you're going to have to get more berries because you jammed up the last few," said Mewtwo.

"Quit telling me what to do!" yelled Lucario, despite taking his advice and running back outside.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 1/3_

"I'd say we're about done." said Falcon, looking at their baskets.

"We're barely qualifying, they have to at least be touching that red line in the baskets," pointed out Ganondorf.

"Whatever, as long as we have enough." said Falcon, carrying his towards the shed.

"Out of my way!" yelled Lucario, knocking Falcon to the ground as he ran by.

"Wow, what's his problem?" asked Ganondorf, helping his brother back up from the muck.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Finally, we've made it back to the U-Turn!" said Snake joyously, both him and his father walking straight onto the mat.

"It makes sense to go ahead and use this U-Turn, after all, we have no idea what place we could be in, it'll ensure us the finale, and it's also the last one we'll encounter." explained Roy.

"But the question is who to U-Turn?" queried Snake.

"This is the decision," explained Roy, "The decision that will determine who makes it with us to that finale and who gets left behind..."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down_

"Hurry man, we can't lose the twins, not after coming this far!" said Falcon with anxiety in his tone.

"If we can beat Lucario back to the shed..." started Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Now, who hath wronged us the most," cackled Snake evilly as he pondered the question.

"Don't go just by your biased feelings, think of who would be the biggest threats when it comes to racing," advised Roy wisely, "Like who stands the biggest chance of actually beating us."

"Let's start by finding out who's still left," said Snake, drawing out the three cards in the box.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down_

"Oh man, I hope Lucario gets back here before the frat boys show up!" said Mewtwo nervously, his half of the berry juice already bottled up and ready to go.

He looked out the window.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Let's see now... here's Mewtwo and Lucario," began Snake, drawing the cards one by one.

"They always annoyed me with their nonstop arguing," mused Roy. "But I think their bickering nature and tension of th' race is going to completely destroy them..."

"The Frat boys," said Snake, the excitement showing in his tone as he pulled the next card which was Falcon and Ganondorf.

"Ach, I'll admit, I didn't like th' frats at first but I think I'm starting to actually like them," lamented Roy.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Keep following the trail, and we should eventually find Floaroma town!" said Jigglypuff with excitement.

Toon Link starting sneezing.

"Bless you, Toon Link!" said Jigglypuff. "You know, they say when people sneeze, other people are talking about you..."

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Well, look what we have here," said Snake evilly, drawing the last card out to reveal the students. "Looks like those annoying kids didn't get eliminated last leg after all!"

"They're the ones who would have gotten us eliminated on the ninth leg if it wasn't a non-elimination," remembered Roy angrily. "Those rotten cowards..."

"I don't even think anybody likes them anymore anyways," added Roy. "We may as well do everyone a favor and get them eliminated."

"Karma's a bitch, isn't it, Jigglypuff and Toon Link?" laughed Snake, posting the students' sticker on the board triumphantly.

"Today has turned out to be such a wonderful day," said Roy happily, ripping open the next clue. "You must now make your way to Oreburgh City..."

_"Teams must now head to the east exit of Jubilife and take complimentary tandem bikes and pedal to Oreburgh City. Once there, they must go inside the local dinosaur museum, where the museum owner will hand them their next clue!" said Koopa Troopa._

"Sweet, looks like the leg's ending at Oreburgh!" said Snake excitedly, already making his way to the east exit of the city.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 2/3_

"I'm back," said Lucario, running back inside the shack and immediately dumping in all of the contents of the basket into the juicing machine.

"Good job, brother." said Mewtwo, patting his brother on the back.

"It's times like these I'm so glad we have psychic powers," said Lucario gratifyingly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 2/3_

"Hey guys," said Ganondorf as he and his cousin walked in only a minute after Lucario, "What's happenin'?"

The frats turned to notice the slave pokémon behind them, all chained up.

"Oooh, pokémon! Do they bite?" asked Falcon excitedly, reaching out to touch one of the Bulbasaurs.

It pulled a gun on him.

"They do," said Falcon nervously, withdrawing his hand.

"Yeah, pokémon are seriously mistreated a bit around here," explained Mewtwo nervously.

...

"No offense dude, but why would you care?" asked Falcon.

"Because we _are __**pokémon**_," said Lucario angrily.

...

"Oh. Good thing that's out of the way," laughed Ganondorf nervously.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

The two kids walked into a log cabin on the side of the road.

"Hmm... it appears that all these people are dead," announced Jigglypuff in a charming British accent after looking at the sleeping people.

"They're not dead," stated Toon Link.

"Are you sure? They are quite deathly still!" said Jigglypuff.

"They're not dead, okay?" said Toon Link, annoyed.

"So is that person dead?" asked Jigglypuff, pointing to a sleeping person.

"No, nobody is dead! Stop asking if people are dead!" replied Toon Link angrily.

"Then explain why they're not moving!" said Jigglypuff dramatically.

"Do you know what sleep is, Jigglypuff?" asked Toon Link angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Final Step: 0/15_

"We're on the final step of the task." said Lucario, as they took the glass containers placed in giant hand-made baskets outside.

"We have to sell fifteen of these and then we're good to go back to Jubilife," explained Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Step: 2/3_

"Hurry bro, we can't lose the twins after all the effort we've been putting into this!" said Ganondorf with anxiety, dumping their berries into the machine.

"That's the last of it." said Falcon, throwing a lever, which activated the juicing machine to make the juice.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
High School Students_

"For the last time, Jigglypuff, nobody is freaking dead!" yelled Toon Link angrily.

A dead corpse fell out of a closet behind Toon Link.

"Okay then, Toon Link," said Jigglypuff angrily, slapping the dead corpse, "Since you're so smart and wise, I guess I'll just wake up this obviously non-dead guy!"

Toon Link stared, shocked at the body.

"What's the matter, Toon Link? Afraid he might actually be _dead_ and you'll be _wrong_ for once?" asked Jigglypuff angrily, continuing to slap the dead corpse.

Toon Link stared, shocked at the body.

"I guess nobody's perfect then, if even the mighty Toon Link is wrong," said Jigglypuff angrily.

"T-t-that guy's dead..." stuttered Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Final Step: 1/15_

"Good sir, would you like to buy one of our wonderful healing elixirs?" asked Mewtwo.

"Does it cure cancer?" asked the man hopefully, "Because I've been searching my whole life for a cure to my wife's cancer problem, and she may die soon if I don't get her something to cu-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just buy this and it should help," said Mewtwo, handing him the stuff and taking his money.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Final Step: 0/15_

"Keep the twins in your sights, we can't afford to slip up now," explained Falcon. "When we finally get our next clue, we don't have to piggyback off of them anymore."

"I just hope the twins have already used their U-Turning powers," said Ganondorf hopefully. "That way they can't U-Turn us..."

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
High School Students_

"Oh please Toon Link, don't start with me now," said Jigglypuff angrily, "If you really expect me to believe that these people are dead when you just got done convincing me that they're sleeping, then you have another thing coming! How dare you insult my intelli-"

Jigglypuff inspected the bodies closer.

"Wow, they really _are_ dead," said Jigglypuff, shocked.

...

"But what is all this red stuff all over them?" wondered Jigglypuff, picking some up and tasting it.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Final Step: 4/15_

"Hey pal, come here. I have some of the latest stuff to get you real whacked. Get my drift? This stuff'll blow your mind, man." whispered Lucario to some local. "And I'm only selling for five bucks."

"Gee, that's a bargain I can't afford to lose!" smiled the local, taking not one, but two bottles of the juice.

Lucario pocketed the ten bucks and laughed at the local's ineptitude.

"You do know you could just hand these out for free, right?" said the cameraman nervously.

"Whatever, I think I should at least get something out of all this..." said Lucario tiredly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Final Step: 1/15_

"Dude, why can't we sell this stuff?" asked Falcon desperately, throwing a bottle onto the ground.

"Maybe we could find a way to sell them, like say they're flammable and they're good to use as a Molotov," said Ganondorf.

"Perfect! Let's do that." decided Falcon.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
High School Students_

"Oh my gosh, I think we're in a slaughterhouse," said Toon Link, shivering with fear.

"We need to get out of here before things end up really messy!" said Jigglypuff, opening a door.

Another corpse fell out, and then a rabid cat jumped out and clawed Jigglypuff's eyes out.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Final Step: 6/15_

"I can't believe we're actually selling this stuff like wildfire!" laughed Lucario triumphantly.

"These things are selling like hotcakes," added Mewtwo as he looked for another customer.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Grounded Down  
Final Step: 2/15_

"See, if you ignite the liquid, like so..." explained Falcon, lighting a match and placing it inside one of the bottles. "...It ignites and you can throw it on stuff!"

The crowd of people cheered excitedly and took all the remaining bottles.

"Wow, that task turned out to be really easy!" grinned Ganondorf, when the instructor himself bought one of their bottles and gave them permission to move on.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We need to hurry to the U-Turn, we can't let the twins get there first!" said Falcon rapidly as he and his cousin made a run for it.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Grounded Down  
Final Step: 9/15_

"Aargh, we still have six more to sell," complained Mewtwo. "How are we going to sell six more of these when everyone in the town has one now?"

"What do you mean, 'everyone in the town'? Altogether us and the frats together have only sold about twenty-odd bottles of this stuff." said Lucario confusedly.

Lucario noticed there were only _twenty-odd_ people in the entire town.

"That would explain it," sighed Lucario.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

Both of the kids ran out of the slaughterhouse cabin and sprinted as fast as they could on the path towards Floroama Town.

"Phew, I can't believe we made it out of there in one piece," panted Jigglypuff, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead.

"I think we're in the clear now..." panted Toon Link.

"Huh, I wonder what happened to the running gag of me being eaten alive by a pack of rabid wolves?" added Toon Link shortly after.

The sound of rabid wolves could be heard in the distance.

"Damn my continuity!" screamed Toon Link angrily.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Do you think U-Turning the kids was the right option?" asked Roy.

"What stupid question, of course it was!" replied Snake angrily, as he and his dad got on a bike, "How was it _not_ the right decision?"

"Yeah well, maybe we should have U-Turned somebody who actually has a chance of catching up to us," pondered Roy.

"The kids deserve to be eliminated, more than anyone else!" explained Snake, pedaling furiously out from Jubilife east exit. "Nobody likes them and they're really good racers!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Dude, don't stop running for anything, those twins'll do anything to beat us to the mat." advised Falcon, already running ahead of Ganondorf.

They ran past a tall grass field.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"We sold the last six," lied Lucario, behind him was a ditch filled with the six final containers.

"Don't lose the frat boys!" said Mewtwo, "We cannot lose to them to the U-Turn mat!"

"Have they U-Turned anybody yet?" wondered Lucario.

_"We choose to U-Turn the kids, Toon Link and Jigglypuff..." said Falcon after a moment of very awkward silence._

_They pasted the faces of the said people onto the U-Turn board without having to post theirs._

"Nahhh, I don't think they have yet." said Mewtwo. "Though we have used our U-Turn, we need to beat them in case to the mat in case they haven't used theirs!"

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"I can't see anything through this grass field!" complained Jigglypuff, trying desperately to keep herself from falling back down.

"_...Those twins'll do anything to beat us to the mat,_" said voice from across the field.

"Did you hear that?" asked Toon Link, "I think we've caught up to someone!"

The kids eagerly ran towards the sound of the voice.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Make sure you've been training our Pokémon, I have a feeling that's going to come in handy later on in the leg," advised Roy.

"Pssh, I have it covered! We have three Pokémon now, our Piplup evolved into a Prinplup, and we also have Sudowoodo, and a Drifblim, none of them are lower than level 15." said Snake arrogantly.

"I'm curious as to how much longer this leg is going to take," mused Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"How many miles do you think it is until we reach Jubilife?" asked Ganondorf.

"Another three or four," panted Falcon.

They continued running in silence.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Do you think there's a chance tha-Ow, what the heck did I just trip on?" wondered Mewtwo, as he tripped over Jigglypuff.

Lucario walked up, shaking his head. "That's one weird pink rock you tripped over..."

Jigglypuff sat up, rubbing her head.

"I wonder ho- What are you doing here?" screamed Mewtwo, realizing it was Jigglypuff. "You were eliminated! Go away!"

"What are you talking about? It was Ness who was eliminated last leg." explained Jigglypuff, dusting herself off.

"So wait, you weren't eliminated already?" questioned Lucario, looking desperate.

"No, not at all! Me and Toony are still racing for first!" smiled Jigglypuff, as soon as Toon Link walked up.

The twins gave one look at the kids and then at each other, then wordlessly began sprinting away.

"I wonder what their problem is," muttered Jigglypuff.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"This must be Oreburgh," said Snake simply, hopping off the bike and reading a sign nearby which read, 'Oreburgh City, the city of energy'.

"We need to go to the local museum, so keep a wary eye out," reminded Roy.

They left the bike there, propped up against the sign as they went to search for the museum.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

Falcon and his cousin ran through an open grass field.

"You crossed in front of me, we have to battle now." said a nearby trainer.

"No, we don't have time, we have to go right now!" said Ganondorf angrily, shoving the trainer to the side.

"According to the rules, we have to battle now." said the nearby trainer.

"We don't want to battle you, leave us alone!" said Falcon, trying to get around the trainer.

"Battle me, damn it! I've been waiting here for so long!" complained the trainer.

"Here's thirty bucks, leave us alone!" yelled Falcon, handing the money and running off.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Here it is, the museum!" said Roy gladly, walking up to it and looking at it fondly.

"It looks closed," noticed Snake as he also walked up. "There's a sign on the door."

"Museum hours of operation: 5:30 pm to 5:00 am on Tuesdays," read Roy somewhat depressedly.

"Damn, the others will catch up to us now..." said Snake, blowing up a nearby building in anger.

"What time is it? We still have a chance of staying in the lead," said Roy.

"4:09 pm," replied Snake angrily.

"That's only..." said Roy, counting the math up mentally, "...1 hour and 21 minutes away, that's not that bad..."

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"There's the north city entrance!" said Falcon as he ran forward.

"Keep running, who knows how far ahead we are of the twins!" reminded Ganondorf urgently, struggling to keep up.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"There's the frat boys- in distance, see them?" observed Mewtwo, outrunning his brother.

"Beat them to the U-Turn mat, they're passing into Jubilife!" said Lucario, lagging behind.

"Make a run for it, maybe we can still beat them," said Mewtwo, putting on a burst of speed.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Oh no, the twins are trying to pass us!" gasped Ganondorf, falling further behind.

"Come on bro, don't give up now!" encouraged Falcon, running past the city sign.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Pass up Ganondorf, he's tiring out!" said Lucario excitedly, leaping over a white fence.

"We have this in the bag if we can both pass just him up," cackled Mewtwo evilly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Don't... stop... running..." panted Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake_

"MCXGMDGFDGFDGHKLK," screamed Roy, choking on a bagel. _(This sentence was co-written with fellow fanfiction author '__**Qool Q**__'... legal rights and whatnot)_

_At the U-Turn mat  
4:16 pm Local Time_

Falcon ran to the U-Turn mat, not looking up to see that someone was already U-Turned.

"Hurry, Ganon!" called out Falcon supportively, watching from the mat.

"Out of our way!" yelled Mewtwo, shoving Ganondorf to the ground.

Ganondorf pulled Lucario's tail as he passed him, knocking him to the ground with him.

Mewtwo teleported onto the mat, calling out support for his older brother.

Ganondorf and Lucario were locked in a fist fight on the ground.

"Somebody's already been U-Turned," noticed Mewtwo dryly, after looking at the board.

Lucario gingerly got off of Ganondorf and walked onto the mat, Ganondorf, following suit.

"Looks like the kids are screwed," smiled Falcon. "Heck, I didn't even know they were still in the race!"

"I am soooo happy right now..." said Mewtwo, looking as if he were on the verge of tears.

"Looks like the kids won't be joining us in the finals." said Lucario, trying to hide his excitement.

"Better them than us," said Ganondorf, smiling weakly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"You must now make your way to Oreburgh City..." read Mewtwo. "Using tandem bikes placed on the east exit of Jubilife."

"Looks like Roy and his clinically insane son have already been through here," said Mewtwo with disdain, noticing the callous destruction to the buildings nearby.

"...You can also tell by the U-Turn board," pointed out Mewtwo.

Lucario slapped him with the clue.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"You must now make your way to Oreburgh City..." began Ganondorf.

"That was a pointless footrace," sighed Falcon, staring at the board.

"If it's any consolation, at least we have a secure spot in the final three," placated Ganondorf.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"So this must be Floroama town," said Jigglypuff, as they entered what remained of the smoldering town.

"What happened here?" wondered Toon Link, watching some nearby houses burn.

"Snake," guessed Toon Link and Jigglypuff in unison.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"These must be the complimentary tandem bikes," began Mewtwo.

Both brothers hopped on the bike, and began pedaling off.

"Keep pedaling, the frat boys are literally right behind us." continued Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"There's the bikes, hurry and get on!" said Ganondorf, pulling the second-last one out from its rack.

"Keep them in your sights," began Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Don't waste any time, the frat boys are somewhere behind us..." reminded Mewtwo, pedaling faster.

"Quit telling me," said Lucario testily.

"This is the first time I've told you," explained Mewtwo.

"I know, quit telling me!" yelled Lucario.

"What is your deal, man? I'm just giving you a heads-up and here you are, snapping at me!" said Mewtwo, finally tired of his brother's attitude.

"I've had a really rough day and I don't need any of this," sighed Lucario. "Just shut up, you whining flamboyant homosexual."

"Hey now! I'm as straight as a rainbow, damn it!" replied Mewtwo angrily.

"Rainbows aren't straight," noticed Lucario.

"Yeah well your face won't be either, when I'm through with it!" added Mewtwo, pushing his brother off the bike in anger.

Lucario fell into a ditch.

The frat boys drove past them.

"Damn it!" cursed Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We're beating the twins! Let's just keep our level pacing and we should be good for the rest of the leg," analyzed Falcon, the lead on the bike for his team.

"Quit talking, start pedaling," said Ganondorf.

_Oreburgh Mining Museum  
4:30 pm Local Time_

"We have exactly 1 hour left until we're allowed in," said Snake sourly.

"Relax, there's been nary a sight of a single team. Maybe nobody will show up!" said Roy optimistically.

"Yeah, maybe you're right..." mused Snake thoughtfully.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Come back here, frats!" said Lucario, waving a fist at the frat boys.

Mewtwo pedaled faster, and they were level with the frats.

Lucario threw a bucket at Falcon, and knocked him off his bike.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Grounded Down_

"Okay, now we just need to-"

_Koopa Troopa_

"CUT! THEY'RE TOO BORING!" yelled Koopa angrily. "Put an ad break here!"

"There are no ad breaks left," explained some Shy guy assistant, "Something about one of the advertising actors being murdered and another on the lam or something..."

"Then how else do we fill in all these extra scenes?" questioned Koopa angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Man, we seriously need to find a way to get these guys off our backs." sighed Falcon, the twins almost directly behind them.

_Oreburgh Mining Museum  
4:57 pm Local Time_

"Hey Snake, what time is it?" asked Roy curiously, picking himself up.

"4:58 pm," replied Snake, not even looking up from his book, War and Peace.

Roy decided to go back to sleep.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"I think we might have a problem," said Mewtwo, their bike somehow wedged into a tree.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"You know Falcon... you haven't really been that funny lately..." said Ganondorf randomly.

"I am too funny!" replied Falcon angrily. "What has two feet, yet can't walk?"

...

"A baby duckling," said Falcon.

...

"That was really lame," said Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Looks like there's a cave up ahead." noticed Mewtwo, as a cave loomed in the distance.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"We should walk alongside the bike from here to the end of the cave..." explained Ganondorf, getting off the bike.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"Do what they do, we don't have time to think." said Mewtwo, copying the frats.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Grounded Down_

"You have to fill the entire basket." explained the instructor nearby.

"I can already tell this was a poor choice of a task..." sighed Jigglypuff, as she watched Toon Link watch more _My Little Pony_ on his iPod.

_Oreburgh City Entrance_

Lucario was the first to appear out of the tunnel, closely followed by a dirty, filthy Mewtwo with the bike.

"Leave the bike here, we can run the rest of the way!" yelled Lucario, noticing the 'welcome to Oreburgh city' sign.

They left the bike and ran across the open turf.

The fraternity brothers ran out of the cave next, also covered in dirt.

Mewtwo and Lucario ran up to the Oreburgh mining museum, where Roy slept and Snake was sitting on the steps reading.

"What are you two doing here?" asked Snake, shocked at the presence of the twins.

Lucario ignored him, and walked past to read the sign on the door.

"Aww, you've got to be kidding me," said Lucario, hopelessness rising in him.

"At least we caught up to these guys." observed Mewtwo, pointing to the father and son.

Snake gave Mewtwo the bird.

"What's going on? Why is there no clue box?" asked Falcon, as he and Ganondorf ran up.

"It's 5:06 pm, we have to wait twenty-four minutes for the museum to open." explained Roy, who had woken from the noise.

"Great, just what those idiot kids need. A leg leveler." said Ganondorf pessimistically.

"Calm down, we U-Turned them earlier. If anything, it'll take them hours to get from one place to another." said Roy, casually lying back.

"Oh yeah? I'll bet you they're already done with that detour, and they're on their way right now to do the other side," argued Falcon.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Grounded Down_

"We have to fill this entire basket?" said Toon Link, looking outraged. "This is an outrage! This is tyranny!"

"At least the leg is almost over," said Jigglypuff optimistically.

...

"It _is_ almost over, right?" asked Jigglypuff.

...

"Your silence is scaring me," admitted Jigglypuff.

_Oreburgh Mining Museum  
5:30 pm Local Time_

The owner of the museum opened the doors, and the racers all ran in through the door in a pack, trampling the owner.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"You must now use the museum's computers..." read Falcon aloud.

_"Teams must now use the museum's computers in order to find out what the local gym trainer's secret Pokémon is! The answer is: Cranidos. Teams are allowed to use any source they want to, but what is unknown to them is that Wikipedia, the source for information, is protesting SOPA's acts of censorship, and cannot be accessed today!" explained Koopa Troopa._

"Sweet, this'll be an easy task," smiled Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"This is the first time in the entire leg that we haven't been in first," noticed Roy.

"Use the computers to find out the local gym trainer Roark's secret Pokémon..." read Snake disinterestedly.

"I know just the source to use!" said Roy dramatically. "...Wikipedia!"

_Roy_

"People say Wikipedia isn't a reliable source. I'll have ye know that _everyday_ thousands of moderators check every single update done to a page recently to see if it is true about the article." explained Roy proudly. "...You're looking at one of those moderators."

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Oh god, don't start up with Wikipedia again," sighed Snake, shaking his head.

Roy looked hurt by Snake's statement.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"Use the computers to find out the local gym trainer Roark's-" began Mewtwo.

"The answer is Cranidos," said Lucario to the museum owner.

"Correct," said the museum owner, handing them their next clue.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Wow, that sure was easy!" smiled Mewtwo, accepting the clue. "Roadblock! Who is the real Pokémon master of the team?"

_"Roadblock! A roadblock is a task only one person may perform. In this roadblock, teams have to defeat the Oreburgh City gym leader Roark! Once teams defeat him in a Pokemon battle, teams will receive their next clue! This may seem hard, but teams who have been training their Pokémon teams as they went through the course of the leg should do fine!" explained Koopa Troopa._

"Hmm, who should do this one?" asked Lucario sarcastically. "I think _you_ should do it..."

"Not so fast brother!" said Mewtwo angrily. "Out of nine roadblocks we've done in the past, you've only done two... And I did the other seven! I say you do it."

"Alright... we'll flip a coin. That'll settle the argument of who does the roadblock," decided Lucario, taking out a double-sided tails coin. "I call tails!"

"Okay, and I'll take heads!" smiled Mewtwo, naive.

Lucario flipped the coin, and due to the fact it was a double-sided tails coin, landed on tails.

"Looks like you have to do it," said Lucario quickly, snatching the coin.

"How does he always beat me?" wondered Mewtwo to himself, as they stormed off to the local Pokémon gym.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Okay son, what site are you supposed to go to whenever you're at a loss for words or you need to look up something?" asked Roy proudly, logging onto a nearby computer.

"You use Wikipedia," said Snake, looking annoyed. "The internet is so stupid..."

Roy went to Wikipedia, only for him to receive the anti-SOPA message.

"Damn it! The one time I need to look up something on Wikipedia," cursed Roy loudly. "And they decide to black it out for some stupid anti-censorship message! What are the odds!"

"I blame SOPA for all my life problems," sighed Snake.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

Ganondorf cleared his throat. "So I'm thinking we're going to need to learn how to use our observation skills if we're going to-"

"AWWW YEAH! LEVEL 56 ON BTD3!1" screamed Falcon excitedly, playing random computer games.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
On Grounded Down_

"So you're saying we have to juice this stuff up now?" asked Toon Link.

"Yes," replied Jigglypuff.

"Oh okay. Though we need to be careful, I happen to be an Elurophobic." said Toon Link.

"What's that?" asked Jigglypuff, suddenly interested.

"The fear of cats." said Toon Link.

...

"Oh." said Jigglypuff.

...

"Say, why are you guys listed as High School students in the captions now?" asked the cameraman.

"Because we've been racing for so long, we're now freshmen in High school." replied Toon Link.

...

"Haha, freshmen." laughed the cameraman.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Hey dad," said a high-pitched voice that didn't sound at all like Snake's, "You should totally turn off your computer and ruin our only chance of beating the unbelievably attractive frat boys..."

"Gee son, you sound very different right now," replied Roy, laughing. "Besides, I thought you went to the bathroom."

"I uh... have a throat cold," said the voice shiftily, "Besides, that's not the point. You should totally turn off your computer. Like, right now."

"Why would I do that? Silly Snakey!" laughed Roy playfully.

...

"Wait a second... How do I know this is Snake?" asked Roy, looking suspicious.

"Uh... because I know how to operate the internet," said the voice nervously.

"The joke's on you, Snake doesn't know how to use the internet," replied Roy pompously.

"Fine then!" replied the voice angrily. "I know how to kill people...with my bare hands."

The bookshelf nearby fell over, revealing Falcon.

Roy stared, unable to make the connection between the voice and Falcon.

"Uh... hello fellow racer..." said Falcon nervously.

Roy stared, unable to make the connection between the voice and Falcon.

"I was just... coming back from the bathroom..." said Falcon nervously.

Roy stared, unable to make the connection between the voice and Falcon.

"Yeah... the same one... that Snake went to..." said Falcon nervously.

Roy stared, unable to make the connection between the voice and Falcon.

"Oh by the way... he said for you... for you to turn off your computer and ruin your chances of beating us this leg..." said Falcon nervously.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Did it work?" asked Ganondorf.

"No... he saw right through the disguise," said Falcon sadly, wearing a mask of Snake's face.

"That was our last good plan, too..." said Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

"So all I have to do is fight this gym leader?" asked Mewtwo.

"Yes," replied Lucario.

"With just our one Pokemon, due to the fact we forgot to train it?" asked Mewtwo.

"Yes," replied Lucario.

...

"Can I just fight him as myself?" asked Mewtwo to the local producer.

The producer looked at the floating bar above Mewtwo's head, which read, _Level 87_.

"Uh, I don't think so... I'm pretty sure that'd be cheating..." said the producer nervously.

"You will let me cheat, and you will like it." said Mewtwo menacingly, choking the producer with his telekinesis.

"Okay... okay, you can fight using your telekinesis!" choked out the producer.

"Wow. That's the first time I've actually seen you resort to violence," said Lucario, actually proud of his brother's antics.

The twin brothers walked into the gym and confronted Roark.

"I challenge you to a battle!" smiled Roark.

"Shut up and send out your Pokémon already," said Mewtwo.

Roark threw out his first Pokemon, a Geodude Level 12.

"Wait... I have to fight a Mewtwo? Why can't I just capture you?" asked Roark.

"Because I have rights!" raged Mewtwo, "Pokémon for equality, damn it!"

Roark didn't listen; instead he was readying a master ball.

"D'aww, I can already tell this isn't going to end well..." sighed Lucario.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"I'm back from the bathroom," grinned Snake.

"So wait... that wasn't you just talking to me a mere two minutes ago?" pondered a confused Roy.

"Nope, I was busy taking a leak." said Snake.

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

Mewtwo avoided the Master ball.

"HA! Now you can no longer try to capture me! And it's my turn to attack!" laughed Mewtwo triumphantly, using the move psychic and killing the Geodude instantly.

"...Now it's my turn," smiled Roark menacingly, readying another Master ball.

"Where are you getting all of these?" asked Mewtwo, horrified.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"So apparently, according to this one site, the secret Pokemon is a Snivvy..." read Ganondorf.

"I don't think that's quite the answer," said Falcon.

"Don't be ridiculous! It's on _officialnews_ dot com!" said Ganondorf, walking up to the museum owner.

"The answer is Snivvy," said a smug Ganondorf.

"I'm sorry, that is incorrect," said the museum owner.

Ganondorf dejectedly walked back to his computer.

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

Mewtwo narrowly managed to avoid the second Master ball.

"There!" panted Mewtwo, already exhausted, "Now it's my turn again!"

The psychic cat used Metronome, which chooses a random move, which chose karate chop.

It killed Roark's Onix instantly.

"I still have another one!" smiled Roark, brandishing a third Master ball.

"Seriously, this is getting old." frowned Mewtwo.

Lucario ate more popcorn as he watched the battle with huge interest.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Our idea of selling them dressed as street pharmacists worked!" smiled Jigglypuff, as the instructor nearby gave them a nod.

They made their way back to Jubilife City.

_Mewtwo  
On Roadblock_

"If I miss this shot... I lose the battle and lose my only chance of ever catching a real Mewtwo," said Roark, raising the Master ball dramatically in the air.

Mewtwo covered his eyes.

Roark threw the Poke ball, but just before it could hit Mewtwo and capture him, the Starly that Mewtwo and Lucario had chosen as their Pokemon earlier in the leg jumped in the way, and took the Master ball for Mewtwo.

"...What just happened?" blinked Roark, looking dumbstruck.

"I have no idea," said Lucario, looking disappointed.

Mewtwo sighed a breath of relief, "Thanks for random plot hole devices..."

He used the move psychic, and killed Roark's Cranidos instantly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Make your way to the Pit stop," read Mewtwo as he excitedly ripped the clue open, "... Spear Pillar!"

_"Teams must now make their way to the eleventh and final pit stop... Spear Pillar!" said Koopa with enthusiasm, "The location where some Pokémon trainer fought Team Galactic to save the legendary Pokémon, Dialga! Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive, __**will**__ be eliminated!"_

"This is it, brother! After this pit stop, we race for the big million!" smiled Mewtwo, running out of the gym.

"But where is Spear Pillar?" wondered Lucario. "I've never heard of it before. We should hurry and find out where the heck it's at..."

"After all, we still have to get Jigglypuff eliminated, she destroyed my _Pokémon of the Year_ award!" said Mewtwo angrily.

"I am very shocked you still remember that," said Lucario nervously, the one who actually had done the heinous deed.

"Pssh, it was only six legs ago," said Mewtwo casually.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Okay, according to _thetruthandnothingbutthetruth_ dot com, the secret Pokemon is Azurill!" said Ganondorf enthusiastically.

He walked up to the museum owner.

"The answer is Azurill," said Ganondorf with a grin.

"That's wrong. In fact, you aren't even close. Why would a gym leader living in a rocky, mine-filled location have a water-type Pokémon as his secret Pokémon?" asked the museum owner.

Ganondorf walked dejectedly back to his computer.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Solid Marco Snake & Roman Roy Snake to the front desk," called out some local.

"That must be the assistant I hired." said Roy, walking up to the civilian.

"You said over the phone you needed information on a Pokémon?" asked the civilian.

"Yes we do. What is the secret Pokemon that Roark has in his Poke team?" asked Roy.

The civilian took off his glasses, and began, "Yes, well I do believe it would be the Pokemon Cranid-"

Snake took out a gun.

"Those were the last words my best friend ever said before he died, so I suggest you choose your next words _very carefully_," threatened Snake as he aimed his gun at the man.

_Toon Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place_

Toon Link and Jigglypuff were walking alongside the road when some old lady approached them.

"Hello young ladies... would you like to have a mysterious magical stone?" asked the old lady, "I'm selling at a decent price!"

"What type of mysterious magical stone?" asked Toon Link, trying to ignore the fact he was just called a girl.

"You mean there's more than one?" said Jigglypuff excitedly, a huge fan of mysterious magical stones.

"It's a moon stone." said the old lady. "I'm selling for 115 dollars."

"How convenient!" smiled Jigglypuff, "That's exactly how much we have!"

Toon Link, knowing how much Jigglypuff desired magical mysterious stones, quickly tried to talk her out of it, "No, Jigglypuff. Don't buy the stone, I promise you I'll buy you one once we're out of this race...-"

He noticed Jigglypuff playing with the Moon stone.

"...Jigglypuff? You didn't buy it... did you?" asked Toon Link nervously.

He noticed the lack of money in their money bag.

"Jigglypuff? Please tell me she gave that to you for free.." said Toon Link, his panic rising within him.

_What? Jigglypuff is evolving!_

"...What?" queried a confused Toon Link.

Jigglypuff started transforming, and after thirty seconds of rapidly shrinking in size and increasing in size, she transformed.

_Congratulations! Your Jigglypuff evolved into a Wigglytuff!_

"What just happend?" asked Toon Link.

_Do you wish to give your Wigglytuff a nickname?_

"Um... no?" replied Toon Link.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

Lucario read the nearby sign, which read 'Mt. Coronet'.

"According to that old guy (who you can only see in the extra scenes on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race: Season two DVD box set, buy it today), this is it." said Lucario.

"So now we just go to the top?" queried Mewtwo.

"Yes," replied Lucario.

"I have just the idea," cackled Mewtwo evilly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Okay, the answer is definitely Cranidos..." said Ganondorf.

"Let me guess," said Falcon sarcastically, "You got it off of some fake website where they claim to have true information..."

"Like Wikipedia?" suggested Ganondorf.

Roy, who was on the other side of a shelf nearby, looked as if his first-born just died.

"Whatever. Obviously it isn't from a real source, so don't even bother using that suggestion for the Pokémon!" yelled Falcon angrily.

"Fine!" said Ganondorf angrily, pouting.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"So I guess you're a Wigglytuff from now on..." said Toon Link, trying to start a conversation.

"Yeah, sure." said Wigglytuff.

They walked through the north entrance of Jubilife City.

"Now we just need to reach the U-Turn, and we should be good..." said Toon Link.

The U-Turn was five yards away.

"Well that was easy," smiled Wigglytuff.

They approached the board, and both gasped in horror.

"Oh no! Roy and Snake U-Turned us!" said Toon Link, looking as if he was about to cry.

"I know, the nerve of those rascals!" said Wigglytuff angrily. "I mean, we're already clearly in last place!"

Toon Link took out his sword.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Okay, the Pokemon is Cranidos," said Snake.

They approached the museum owner.

"The answer is Cranidos," said Roy.

"That is correct." smiled the museum owner, handing them the clue.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
U-Turned_

"WHY US! WHY GOD, WHY?" screamed Toon Link, as he and Wigglytuff set out for Canalave City.

"Oh well, if anything... at least we're getting lots of exercise with all this walking!" said Wigglytuff optimistically.

"You're an idiot, Wigglytuff!" yelled Toon Link. "This is all your fault, I hate you!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Roadblock!" read Snake, "Who is the real Pokémon master of the team?"

"I'll do it, you've already done five out of nine." replied Roy.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
U-Turned_

They were already in Canalave City.

"How are we already here?" asked Toon Link angrily. "We still had another four or five scene transitions left!"

"We took the bus. Ergo, the author got lazy." explained Wigglytuff.

"Oh," said Toon Link, looking somewhat more optimistic.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"I think that Spear Pillar is on the other side of that rock wall," pointed out Mewtwo.

"But how will we get up there?" asked Lucario anxiously.

Mewtwo grabbed his hand, and teleported both of them to the top of the wall.

"...Oh," said Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 3rd Place_

"What they said... Cranidos," said Ganondorf.

"That is correct, here is your next clue." said the museum owner.

Falcon ripped it open, and read aloud, "Roadblock!"

"I'll do it, you've done five and I've only done four." explained Ganondorf. "Too bad you're like, more competent at this than I am."

_Roy  
On Roadblock_

The father timidly threw out a Poké ball, and out came Sudowoodo.

Roark threw out his Geodude.

"So uh, how do we decide who goes first?" asked Roy.

Roark had already taken twenty turns.

"I guess it's my turn then," said Roy, noticing the unconscious Sudowoodo.

_Spear Pillar  
6:51 PM Local Time_

The twins ran into the room.

"The pit stop!" said Mewtwo dramatically.

They walked onto the mat in a very slow and annoying fashion.

"Welcome to Sinnoh," said the local greeter who was Cyrus the Team Galactic leader.

"Team Mewtwo and Lucario, you are-"

"NOOOOOES, ANYTHING BUT THAT!1" screamed Mewtwo desperately.

"What was that for?" asked Koopa incredulously.

"Oh, I had been saving that in case we ever got eliminated," explained Mewtwo.

"Well I don't think that's ever going to happen, because Mewtwo and Lucario, you are _team number __**one**_!" said Koopa Troopa dramatically. "And I have good news for you... you two have won a free copy of The Extra Smashy Amazing Race: Season two DVD box set, which you two will be able to enjoy at the end of the show!"

Mewtwo and Lucario didn't hear, they were too busy dancing with excitement.

And I've got even more good news for you: you are the first of three teams who will get to race to the finish line, for **one million dollars**!" finished Koopa.

Mewtwo and Lucario high-fived each other.

"Me and Mewtwo are going to be bringing home the million, that's all I'm saying," said Lucario with a grin on his face.

_Roy  
On Roadblock_

"Use Ominous Wind," said Roy to his Drifblim.

It used Ominous Wind, damaging Roark's Onix.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"I have to wait for him to finish his Pokemon battle first?" asked Ganondorf resolutely towards Roy.

"..._Yes_," said the worker monotonously.

_Roy  
On Roadblock_

"Is it supposed to be stiff like that?" asked Roy confusedly, about Roark's dead Onix.

"That's what she said," replied Roark off-handedly.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"At this rate, those kids will catch up if it keeps up this way!" complained Ganondorf.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
On Watered Down_

"This task is easy, because my weight is so light!" smiled Wigglytuff, claiming the clue attached to the buoy.

"Now if we can just continue running through the leg at this pace..." said Toon Link hopefully.

_Roy  
On Roadblock_

"So why can't I just kill your Pokémon myself? Why do I have to fight Pokémon with other Pokémon?" asked Roy curiously.

"Uh... because it's against the rules?" suggested Roark nervously.

Roy was too busy decapitating Roark's last Pokémon to hear what he was saying.

_Roy and Snake  
Completed Roadblock_

"Make your way to the Pit stop, Spear Pillar..." read Roy. "Hard to believe it's already the last pit stop."

"And the last elimination!" grinned Snake, glad that the eliminated team was going to be either the frats or the kids at the rate things were going.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"I don't know if I should be relieved that he's already finished, or if I should be extremely worried at this rate," said Ganondorf, looking dumbstruck as he walked forward to fight the gym trainer.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Now we just need to sprint back to Jubilife," said Toon Link nervously.

"Do you think we can still catch up to someone?" asked Wigglytuff.

"We might just make this," said Toon Link.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

Ganondorf threw out his only Pokémon, Chimchar.

"Oh no, we forgot to train our only Pokémon!" said Ganondorf dramatically.

"Looks like this is going to take a long while," sighed Falcon as he tried to sit back and watch the battle.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"This is going to take a long-ass time to get there," complained Toon Link.

"Maybe we should hitchhike," suggested Wigglytuff.

"When is that ever going to do us any good?" asked Toon Link angrily.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

Ganondorf's only Pokémon, a Level 6 Chimchar, was knocked unconscious from a single blow.

"Oh, come _on_," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Looks like you're going to have to train your Pokémon if you're going to fight me," said Roark with a smug grin.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Okay, maybe we should hitchhike," decided Toon Link, noticing they had to journey across open waters.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"How does one train a Pokemon, and quickly?" asked Ganondorf.

"Just take him out to the closest open grass field, and train him quickly!" said Falcon angrily.

"Okay, I'll be back." said Ganondorf, running out of the room with his Chimchar.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"I have an idea," said Wigglytuff.

...

"I SAID I HAVE AN IDEA," said Wigglytuff.

"I know that, I'm just choosing to ignore you." explained Toon Link.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We have to find Spear Pillar somewhere up there?" queried Roy, taking one look at the mountain and vomiting.

"Hello, local tourists!" said some nearby local. "Do you two need help in finding Spear Pillar?"

"Those were the last words my fourth best friend ever said before he died, so I suggest you choose your next words _very carefully_," threatened Snake as he aimed his gun at the man.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"So I just run around in circles in this small grass field until a Pokemon comes out and fights me?" asked Ganondorf, somewhat amused.

"Yes," said Falcon angrily.

Ganondorf ran around in circles.

Only half a minute later, a wild Geodude attacked.

"Hah, now we just fight it with my Chimchar!" said Ganondorf, throwing out his Chimchar.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

The father and son ran out of the tunnel exit and arrived at Spear Pillar, the ruins of the sanctuary for Dialga.

"There's the pit stop," said Roy tiredly.

He and his son jokingly punched each other on the shoulder as they ran onto the mat.

"Team Roy and Snake, you are team number two!" said Koopa Troopa. "And I've got good news for you: you are the second of three teams who will get to race to the finish line, for **one million dollars**!" finished Koopa.

"We finally made it," said Roy with relief, sitting down from exhaustion.

Snake angrily took out a gun and loaded it.

"Those were the last words my thirteenth best friend ever said before he died, so I suggest you choose your next words _very carefully_," threatened Snake as he aimed his gun at Koopa Troopa.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"How many times do I have to fight wild Pokémon before Chimchar is a high enough level?" asked Ganondorf to Falcon.

Falcon merely shrugged.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
Currently in Last Place_

They ran all the way back to the U-Turn mat in Jubilife. Hey, don't expect me to write commentary for them on everything.

"You must now make your way to Oreburgh City, using tandem bikes placed on the east exit of Jubilife." read Wigglytuff aloud.

"Finally, no more walking," sobbed Toon Link with relief.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Come on, Ganondorf! This is the last time we have to go through this pit stop crap, and you can't even pull yourself together?" asked Falcon angrily.

"I'm sorry, it's just that training a Pokemon is harder than I thought!" replied Ganondorf desperately.

"Aargh, at this rate those kids are going to be catching up any time now," said Falcon hopelessly.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Here are the tandem bikes!" said Wigglytuff, "Now we just pedal to Oreburgh city!"

They hopped on the tandem bikes.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Now take your Chimchar to the Poke center, heal it, then take it to the gym and fight him again!" said Falcon angrily.

They began running back into town.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
Currently in Last Place_

"Happy John Bosco day!" said Wigglytuff to some locals as they pedaled by.

"Do you like, research random holidays up and tell everyone a happy holidays?" asked Toon Link angrily.

"Do you cut yourself in the bathroom when nobody's looking?" asked Wigglytuff angrily.

"..._Yes_," sobbed Toon Link uncontrollably.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"This roadblock is insanely difficult!" said Ganondorf furiously, walking back to the gym.

"I knew I should have done this task," said Falcon angrily.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
High School Students_

"I don't think we're going to get through this cave on our bike," said Toon Link as he looked at the upcoming cave in the distance, growing ever closer.

...

The sound of rabid wolves could be heard in the distance.

"Damn it, I thought that was all over by now!" said Toon Link angrily.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Okay dude, I'm like, here to fight you again." said Ganondorf, looking angry.

Roark shrugged and threw out his Geodude.

Ganondorf threw out his Monferno, which was Level 16.

"Now let's battle!" said Ganondorf, smiling evilly.

"Too bad rock-type is super effective against fire-type," said Roark.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOES!1oneone" screamed Ganondorf in desperation.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
High School Students_

"So this is Oreburgh," said Wigglytuff, as they walked out of the cave alongside their bike.

She noticed the filthy living conditions of the local population.

"I hate this place! I want to leave already!" complained Wigglytuff girlishly.

_Fifteen scene transitions later..._

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Okay, I finally leveled up my Monferno to an Infernape!" smiled Ganondorf. "Now let's fight him!"

"Or maybe we should just capture a Water type Pokémon and fight his Pokémon with it," said Falcon bitterly.

"What good is that going to do? Besides, my Infernape is like, ten levels higher than Roark's highest ranking Pokémon!" retorted Ganondorf.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
High School Students_

"I think we've reached a predicament," said Toon Link casually.

They walked inside the museum and read the next clue.

"Okay, we just need to find a computer and use it to find out exactly what type of Pokemon it is," said Wigglytuff.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

He lost again to Roark. What a shame.

"How many times am I going to have to level my Infernape before I can beat the first gym trainer?" screamed Ganondorf in desperation.

They ran out to the nearby grass field.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
High School Students_

"The answer is Cranidos," said Wigglytuff flatly.

"Roadblock! Who is the real Pokémon master of the team?" read Toon Link. "We've both done five each. How are we going to decide who does the next task?"

"I know!" said Wigglytuff, "We'll flip a coin!"

"That idea was already used," replied Toon Link.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Look, just capture the next water-type Pokemon you see, we don't have time for this!" said Falcon angrily.

"Okay, fine! I'll take your stupid advice _that will never work_," said Ganondorf dramatically.

"Why are you emphasizing certain words?" asked Falcon.

_Wigglytuff  
On Roadblock_

"Okay, we're here!" smiled Wigglytuff, readying her Pokémon ball.

"WHY DO I KEEP FIGHTING POKEMON?" cried Roark in confusion.

The sound of rabid wolves could be heard in the distance.

"Oh, come on! I wasn't even supposed to be in the scene this time!" yelled Toon Link angrily.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"If this doesn't work... we're screwed," said Ganondorf, readying a Poké ball.

A random Buizel happened to be walking by, and the frat boy threw his Poké ball, missed, hit a tree, and it bounced back and hit the Buizel.

"Okay, that was pretty cool," admitted Falcon.

_Wigglytuff  
On Roadblock_

"We use Rollout!" said Wigglytuff.

Wigglytuff's Turtwig did not recognize the command.

"And what am I doing wrong?" asked Wigglytuff angrily.

Roark made his Geodude use Iron fist, which killed the Turtwig instantly.

"Ugh, we need to come up with a plan if we're going to beat this guy," said Wigglytuff.

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

"Hmm, let's go in through the back entrance," decided Ganondorf.

_Wigglytuff  
On Roadblock_

"Wigglytuff, is that you?" said a hopeful Toon Link, standing outside, waiting for his partner.

"Nope, Chuck Testa," said Chuck Testa, from behind the cardboard cut-out of Wigglytuff.

"Dude, your memes are really lame," said Toon Link angrily. "... And annoying."

_Ganondorf  
On Roadblock_

The frat boys ran in through the back entrance as the other team went out through the front.

"Gosh, good thing those _kids aren't here yet, and especially didn't leave the room just now in a feverish attempt to beat the roadblock_," said Falcon, smiling.

"Was that really necessary?" asked Ganondorf, throwing the Pokemon ball containing Buizel.

At the sight of Buizel, Roark flinched and immediately handed over the clue.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Completed Roadblock_

"What just happened?" asked Ganondorf and Falcon at the same time.

"..._yyyyeaaah_, that battle was pretty much in your favor the moment that horrible beast emerged from its lair..." said Roark, looking traumatized.

The frat boys did their trademark frat five, then ripped open the clue.

"Make your way to the Pit stop, Spear Pillar." read Falcon.

"Unless those kids **walk through that front door right now**, there is no way we're going to get eliminated!" said Ganondorf, laughing at their great fortune.

_Wigglytuff  
On Roadblock_

The high school students were just about to walk inside the gym, when another old lady approached them.

"Good morning young men," said the old lady. "Would you two like to have some candy?"

"Last time we got something from an old lady, it didn't exactly bode well for me," whispered Wigglytuff into Toon Link's ear.

"What could go wrong? Besides, I'm pretty sure it's better than anything else we can have at this rate..." decided Toon Link. "Fifty bucks for whatever it is you're selling!"

She handed over some twenty-odd Rock candies, and walked away.

"Here, eat this." said Toon Link, handing them to Wigglytuff.

She ate the entire bag in one gulp, and leveled up to an insanely high level.

"This is rock candy! You level up every time you eat one!" said Wigglytuff excitedly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"All we need to do is get a running stretch going, and we're good to go to the pit stop." explained Falcon, stretching his legs.

They were in the middle of a good stretch when the last two people they ever expected to see walk through the front door of the Oreburgh gym walked through the front door.

"Who's ready to party?" said Tom Cruise and Jennifer Anniston.

And then, just when things were looking up, the second-last two people they ever expected to see walk through the front door of the Oreburgh gym walked through the front door... and they weren't celebrities.

"Toon Link and... a Wigglytuff?" said both of the frat boys in horror.

"Wow, we actually caught up to another team!" smiled Wigglytuff.

The frat boys left without a word.

_Wigglytuff  
On Roadblock_

"Huh, I wonder what their problem was..." wondered Wigglytuff. "No matter. Time to finish you, Roark!"

She posed for dramatic effect.

"Yeah right... what are you going to be able to do?" laughed Roark.

Wigglytuff started singing using her Up-B move.

Roark was unaffected.

...

She punched him in the jaw, knocking him out. Wigglytuff then proceeded to draw on his face, steal his wallet, and take the next clue.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
Completed Roadblock_

"Make your way to the Pit stop, Spear Pillar!" read Toon Link. "This is the last time we'll have a chance of being eliminated, we can't lose to the frats!"

The background behind the boy turned dark, as he added, "Because this will be the last sunrise either of us will ever see if we lose this race..."

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

Both frats were already sprinting up north and out of Oreburgh, by the time the kids had finished the task.

"Don't... stop... running..." panted Ganondorf, already out of breath.

"Let's head that way, I think that's the way to Mt. Coronet!" said Falcon, pointing to a pathway ahead.

High-pitched string music played.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff_

"Hurry... uh... Wiggs... yeah, that sounds about right," said Toon Link.

"Maybe we can still catch up to the frat guys!" said Wigglytuff hopefully.

_Twenty scene transitions later...It's really hard to write all this, okay? Give me a break..._

_Spear Pillar, Pit Stop  
8:45 PM Local Time_

The frat boys ran out onto Spear Pillar, and noticed the pit stop.

"There it is, all we have to do is cross over to the mat and we're in the finale," said Falcon, looking hopeful.

They were just about to make a run for it when the kids walked out from the same entrance they had come from.

"No so fast, frat brothers!" said Wigglytuff evilly. "You still have us to deal with!"

"But... but we could just cross over to the pit stop and we'd win," said Ganondorf begrudgingly, eyeing the mat desperately.

"Well... yeah, but that wouldn't be very fair," said Wigglytuff, trying to come up with a decent argument.

"Okay, but how are we going to decide who gets onto the mat and goes on to the finale?" asked Ganondorf.

Falcon suggested, "I say we all run together, holding hands, and run onto the mat together so they can't eliminate either of us-"

They threw their backpacks at him.

"I know just the thing..." said Toon Link deviously. "We can have a duel!"

"Rock, paper, scissors," said Wigglytuff.

They went with Wigglytuff's suggestion.

"I'll go first," said Falcon, facing against Toon Link.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!"

Falcon had rock, and Toon Link had paper.

"Looks like I win," smiled Toon Link evilly.

"This isn't rock," said Falcon suddenly.

"Then what is it?" asked Toon Link.

"It's a FALCON PAAAAUNCH!1" screamed Falcon, punching Toon Link in the face and walking onto the mat.

Before Wigglytuff could intervene, Ganondorf gave them the bird with enthusiasm and crossed onto the mat.

"Team Falcon and Ganondor- can you please lower that?" asked Koopa irately.

"Hold on a sec, I need to savor this", said Ganondorf, with his finger still in the air.

...

"Okay I'm good," said Ganondorf, satisfied, lowering his middle finger.

"Team Falcon and Ganondorf, you are team number three!" said Koopa. "And I've got good news for you; you are the third and final, of three teams who will get to race to the finish line... for **one million dollars**!"

"HYESZ!" said Falcon, doing a salute.

"I'm so excited right now," said Ganondorf, grinning.

Toon Link and Wigglytuff looked too traumatized to reply to anything as they walked onto the mat.

"Team Toon Link and... Wigglytuff... you are the last team to arrive, and I'm not sorry at all to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race," said Koopa, looking immensely relieved at their demise.

"למה אנחנו צריכים לצאת החוצה, למה כמו זה? , הדבר הגרוע ביותר של כל, מדוע היה צהוב גיא נאלצו לעזוב אותנו, למה?" cried Wigglytuff in a dramatic fashion. "אם בכלל, לפחות היה לנו כיף."

The sound of rabid wolves could be heard in the distance.

Toon Link slowly took out his Iphone and turned it on.

"I want to find the closest bridge to jump off of," whispered Toon Link into the phone.

"_I found four bridges very close to your current location_," replied the Iphone, uploading fastest routes to the bridges.

Toon Link started sobbing uncontrollably as several anti-suicidal watchmen took him and Wigglytuff away.

_Final Three Commentaries_

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Honestly, we didn't think we'd make it this far. And we also never thought we'd end up winning two legs," said Ganondorf, smiling.

"If we continue flying under the radar like we have been doing for most of the race, I feel we're going to win that million dollars!" added Falcon hastily, doing a cheesy thumbs up.

_Roy and Snake_

"Next leg, there's no penalties," said Snake, grinning evilly.

"Even though we've been penalized about four times for petty mistakes, there's nothing that can hold us back next leg. So you better watch out guys!" said Roy menacingly.

"No penalties... no boundaries." said Snake, still grinning evilly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"We're the only team to win three legs so far, and we plan on winning the finale as our fourth," explained Mewtwo. "And nothing is going to keep us away from winning!"

"You're looking at the winners of the race, guys," said Lucario arrogantly, shooting both birds at the camera.

**Finish Times:**

Mewtwo and Lucario: 6:52 PM

Roy and Snake: 7:19 PM

Falcon and Ganondorf: 8:45 PM

**Toon Link and Wigglytuff: 8:48 PM - Eliminated! **

For the record, This leg may or may not have been co-written with Fanfiction author _Qool Q_.

You know the drill by now. There's nothing left but the finale, so this'll be my last commentary, so be positive sure to tell me who you think should win, and tell me why. Don't forget to tell me who you're rooting for before it's all over and it might make a difference. And don't forget to whine about how your favorite didn't make it to the Finals.

Thank you for everyone who has read to this far, despite my lengthy breaks between most of the legs. Oh, and happy John Bosco Day?


	12. Wells Can be Used to Retrieve Water!

"Previously on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race," began Koopa Troopa, "Eleven teams of two with different relationships set out on a journey around the world!"

_"__**GO!**__" Yelled Koopa Troopa dramatically._

"The race began in Smashville, where teams scrambled to get tickets for a decent flight to Isle Delfino!"

_"Go buy some tickets from the local airport to Delfino Island," read Kirby slightly bored._

"Middle School students Toon Link and Jigglypuff wisely booked tickets over the phone, landing them a spot in the first flight to Delfino Island."

_"Actually, I was the one who suggested that we book tickets ahead of time," said Toon Link._

_"…But it was my idea!" argued Jigglypuff._

_"But you just-"_

_"My idea!" said Jigglypuff angrily._

"Once at the island, the teams were repeatedly split up due to departure times, hotel breaks and even ferry rides!"

_"Make your way, on foot, to the Local Hotel nearby and collect your slot time departure for the next day!" read Mewtwo._

"Kirby and King Dedede managed to keep themselves in the front of the pack..."

_Kirby dashed up the stairs and spotted the mat. He ran onto it, smiling proudly._

"...All the way to the pit stop, making them first place!"

_"…Kirby and King Dedede, you are team number __**one**__!" finished Koopa._

"As the day came to a close, it came to a footrace to stay in the race for the lawyers, best friends and the flight attendants!"

_Samus kicked Link away, and followed Falco, who was running for the mat._

"But in the end, it was the flight attendants, Samus and Falco, who were eliminated!"

_"Well," said Falco, "We had fun."_

"On the second leg, ten teams journeyed to Hyrule Kingdom, where the six leading teams ran into issues with the locals!"

_"Apparently, you're not very welcome here," Muttered Falcon to Ganondorf as they were kept at bay by the hails of rocks._

"Meanwhile, the father and son: Roy and Snake disobeyed several race rules, getting them penalized for a whopping five minutes!"

_Snake blew up the shed at the top of Kakariko Village._

"Wow, after all the effort of remaking that thing!" said a worker angrily.

"Toon Link and Jigglypuff managed to barely beat the twins Mewtwo and Lucario to the pit stop first, much to the twins' aggravation!"

_Jigglypuff's stub of an arm hit the mat a few milliseconds before Mewtwo and Lucario's feet hit the mat themselves._

"Best friends Ness and Pikachu used the first U-Turn of the season, and the first ever Blind U-Turn in Smashy race history!"

_"We choose to U-Turn DK and Diddy Kong!" said Pikachu, while Ness pasted DK and Diddy's picture on the board._

"Due to this, plus a secret flight, Ness and Pikachu managed to stay consistently in seventh place for the entirety of the leg, all the way to the pit stop!"

"_Team Ness and Pikachu, you are team number seven!" said Koopa._

"Once again, the lawyers faced the threat of elimination, this time against the monkeys Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong."

_A flaming rock crushed Diddy Kong, and Link hit the mat in time to avoid being crushed also._

"And once again, the lawyers barely avoided elimination, with the monkeys being the second team to be eliminated!"

_"Team Link and Yoshi, you are team number nine!" said Koopa Troopa, "You're still in!"_

"For the third leg of the race, nine remaining teams traveled to Tallon IV, where Roy and Snake faced off against the only other team who made the first flight: Mewtwo and Lucario."

_"Two hours!" said Roy happily, "We're two hours ahead and there's only one team who is with us for the flight!"_

"In an attempt to beat the father and son and get first place, the twins tried to complete the first fast forward of the race."

_"Let's take it, so we can beat Roy and Snake there and be hours ahead over everyone else!" cackled Lucario evilly._

"However, this backfired on them when they failed to realize the complications of the fast forward, landing them in second place instead of the desired first..."

_"We wanted to get first," explained Roy, "But we wouldn't have minded if Mewtwo and Lucario beat us here. We would've just won the next one."_

"Meanwhile, for the entirety of the leg, teams Kirby and Dedede, Link and Yoshi, Falcon and Ganondorf & Marth and Ike competed with one another in order to stay in."

_"We're racing to stay in the race!" panicked Kirby, "I'm not being eliminated this early!"_

"...With the one-time challengers for the million King Dedede and Kirby being the next to go!"

"_At least I got to bond with mah best Friend Kirby!" chuckled King Dedede, grinning dumbly._

"Next, the eight surviving teams quested to the renowned Mushroom kingdom, where everyone ended up on the same flight, meaning it was all fair game for first!"

_"We don't know if we're in the back of the pack or the front." said Marth worriedly. "We're hoping for the best!"_

"Mewtwo and Lucario attempted anything to get first, including taking the second fast forward of the race after failing to complete the last one."

_"We made a blood-pact to get first this time!" said Lucario, holding up a nicotine patch on his wrist._

_"That's...a nicotine patch..." said the cameraman. "In fact, they're all over your body!"_

"And this time the fast forward was a success, propelling the power-hungry twins into first!"

_"We worked together, and we managed to win the leg!" said Mewtwo._

"Meanwhile, things kept looking down for the Entrepreneurs Wolf and Fox, as they continued to struggle throughout the leg!"

_"We're positive we're last," said Wolf angrily, the water started to seep inside the car._

"Team Ness and Pikachu got into a few arguments, bringing them down later in the leg!"

_"This is very cooperative of you, Unlike __**some people**__ who are being uncooperative!" said Ness angrily._

"Surprisingly, Link and Yoshi didn't have to race to avoid last, instead managing to end up in sixth place due to hard work and a little motivation..."

_"Team Link and Yoshi, you're team number...six!" said Koopa Troopa, smiling._

_"We're not second-last for once!" cheered Yoshi, sitting down._

"Instead, Entrepreneurs Wolf and Fox & best friends Ness and Pikachu fought to continue racing!"

_The three of them ran inside the Quarters to find Fox and Wolf running towards the mat._

"And it turned out Wolf and Fox ran out of luck, being the fourth team to be eliminated from the race."

_"We're still in!" said Ness and Pikachu, high fiving. "Better luck next time, guys!"_

"For the fifth leg, Seven remaining teams left Mushroom Kingdom to fly to Corneria. Here, Mewtwo had gone high, which made Lucario make a confession!"

_"I'm sorry about all those mean things I did to you!" said Lucario. "I really didn't mean all of it, I'm just jealous of you!1"_

"Here, teams had to fight the effects of alcohol, making some... interesting... dilemmas!"

_"Oh no!" gasped Roy, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol on him._

"Also, due to the Frat's before-hand intoxication, they rocketed themselves towards the front of the pack for most of the leg! However, inter-team drama led to the Twins U-turning the Frats..."

_"We choose to U-Turn... ...The Frat Boys." said Lucario, pasting the Frats' picture on the U-Turn board._

"...Which kept them from getting higher than fifth place for the rest of the leg. Meanwhile, the four other leading teams, the students, swordsmen, father and son & twins fought it out for first place in one of the most epic footraces ever witnessed!"

_Lucario, with surprising accuracy for one who was intoxicated, threw the Lamp at Jigglypuff, successfully knocking her a great distance away._

_Snake regained Consciousness, and reached for the mat._

"And Mewtwo and Lucario ended up winning their second leg in a row!"

_"Marth and Ike, you're team number two!" said Koopa._

_"We almost won! Almost won!" sobbed Marth, going into tears._

"Fraternity boys Falcon and Ganondorf made smashy history as they ended up penalized for doing something entirely unheard of!"

_"Uh...you actually did something that has never actually happened before," mused Koopa, "you're the first team to do the __**same exact side of the detour when you were U-turned**__..."_

"Meanwhile, the best friends and the lawyers duked it out in order to stay on the race!"

_Koopa the host watched as the Lawyer's taxi burst through the second floor, Ness and Pikachu screaming as they flew off the hood._

"And it ended with the best friends landing in last! Fortunately for them- I mean, _him_, it was the first non-elimination leg and he was spared!"

_"Next leg you shall encounter a Speed Bump, an extra task that only you have to do, no other team has to do it!" explained Koopa._

" After a very long hiatus on the show, leg six directed the seven standing teams over to The Great sea, a vast stretch of ocean with multiple islands. Teams traveled mostly by boat for the entirety of the leg, bringing out the phobia in Mewtwo!"

_"I don't wanna die!" sobbed Mewtwo, pointing to the water._

Team Jigglypuff and Toon Link had no money to take the flight over to the Great sea, resorting to them begging!"

_"Two tickets to the 11 AM ferry, please?" begged Toon Link, "We have only a little money, just 20 dollars..."_

"The frat boys repaid the students' kindness last leg by giving them just enough money to board the ferry!"

_"Well, because you were so nice to us, we're gonna help you guys!" said Ganondorf, holding money._

"Once arriving at the Great Sea, team Mewtwo and Lucario fell behind due to bickering!"

_"We're fifth you stupid idiot!" screamed Lucario, downing some whiskey and adjusting the backpack on his shoulder._

_"Why do you treat me this way?" sobbed Mewtwo._

"Also fed up with each other, team Marth and Ike broke down from the pressure!"

_"You're terrible!" yelled Marth, bursting into tears. "I hate you! This race sucks!"_

_"Shut up, woman!" yelled Ike angrily._

"Ness and Pikachu took the lead for a good amount of the leg, until they encountered the Speed bump they had to complete, bringing the team down to fourth!"

_"See ya, suckers!" laughed Ness, poking his tongue at them. He ran into a wall._

"Roy and Snake broke more racing laws, squandering what would have been an easy first placing."

_"I'm tired of these stupid penalizations!" said Roy._

"And due to that error, Lawyers Link and Yoshi shockingly ended up in first place for the leg, much to everyone's surprise!"

_"Which means..." said Koopa dramatically._

_Link and Yoshi looked stunned._

_"...Link and Yoshi, you're team number one!"_

"Instead, the swordsmen, frat boys and twins fought to not be last place, with the swordsmen getting the short end of the stick!"

_"This show sucks, and so do all of you!" snarled Ike, "I hate all of you, especially you stupid frats!"_

_"Screw you guys," whimpered Marth, bleeding._

"From there, the six remaining teams went to Tazmily Island for the seventh leg, where a simple flight issue caused team placing drama!"

_"We are sorry to tell you that the flight has been delayed for an hour," said the pilot._

_"What?" said Ness angrily. "That lead was for nothing?"_

"The supposed first flight departed after the second, making the Frats, Falcon and Ganondorf, and the students, Toon Link and Jigglypuff take the lead!"

_"We're here!" said Jigglypuff. "Now we need to lie to Ganondorf and Falco!"_

_"You mean Falcon, Falco wasn't even in the race." reminded Toon Link._

_"Who's Falcon?" asked Jigglypuff._

"Meanwhile, supposed first departers Roy and Snake, Mewtwo and Lucario, Ness and Pikachu & Link and Yoshi arrived a few minutes after the other flight!"

_"We're behind those dumb frats and the annoying kids!" said Yoshi._

"Falcon and Ganondorf, thinking they were last, took the Fast Forward in their desperation!"

_"Wait, there's a Fast Forward here!" said Ganondorf. "We should totally take it to catch up to the others!"_

"This propelled them all the way to first!" said Koopa with enthusiasm.

_"Falcon and Ganondorf...you're... you're team number..." stuttered Koopa. "T-team number __**one**__..."_

_"NOOO- Wait, what?" asked Falcon excitedly. "How are we first?!"_

"Meanwhile, Mewtwo and Lucario suffered for most of the leg, bickering constantly. After reaching the detour first, they repeatedly switched between both tasks of the detour, unable to make up their minds!"

_"THAT'S IT!" howled Lucario, "We're bald-snarking this!"_

"Because of their inability to communicate and their lack of teamwork, they ended up in last after quitting the detour in order to accept a penalty... only to find out they were U-Turned by the lawyers, Link and Yoshi!"

_"Us?" asked Mewtwo angrily, "Why us? We're already behind just about everyone! And not only that, but we're going to have a three-hour penalty even if we do get the before at least one team!"_

"And because of their constant blunders, team Mewtwo and Lucario ended up in last place!"

_"Mewtwo and Lucario...You are the last team to arrive. And I'm sorry to say..."_

"Fortunately, it was a non-elimination leg, and they were given a reprieve!"

_"However, your three-hour penalty will be added to the next leg departures, instead, and not only that but you have a speed bump to complete! So you have a long way to go before you recover from your mistakes," said Koopa._

"On the eighth leg of the race, the six teams left traveled back onto the mainlands, and ended up in Mushroom City!"

_"You must now make your way to... what does that say... oh, Mushroom City," read Ganondorf._

"It was here where the kid teams Ness and Pikachu & Toon Link and Jigglypuff surged ahead of the others, and struggled to one-up one another for the entirety of the leg."

_"We're one of two teams competing for the prize this time around! We have this in the bag!" said Ness, eyes wide._

"...But it was Toon Link and Jigglypuff who ended up taking the title of first place, for their second time!"

_"Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number one!" said Koopa Troopa. "You have won a trip through the lovely Kanto after the race!"_

"Roy and Snake took the last Fast forward, in hopes of getting first!"

_"Let's see...we have to go through a military training program! Perfect!" said Snake. "This is __**exactly**__ my kind of task! Let's do the fast forward!"_

"However, because of Roy's lack of military training, the father and son were brought down to fourth!"

_"Yes... all you guys needed to do was just complete this one simple task, but you screwed it up so bad you guys wasted an hour just completing a simple one attempt task..." explained the director._

"Mewtwo and Lucario, who had been performing terribly the past few legs, were once again in dead-last for most of the leg!"

_"Last, and no hope in sight." said Lucario, with an evil frown on his face._

"Link and Yoshi, slowly falling behind the frats and the father and son, ended up in the race to avoid being last against the Twins!"

_"Uh...yeah, we guess, everyone else is apparently ahead," said Link quietly._

_"Looks like a face-off," said Mewtwo, as he telekinetically hit the baseball with his baseball bat._

"And in the end, Mewtwo and Lucario narrowly avoided being eliminated for a second time, knocking the Lawyers out of the race!"

_"Even though we didn't win the million dollars, we still had a million dollars worth of memories," said Link in a voice-over._

"After another six-month hiatus, leg nine sent the surviving five teams over to Yoshi's Island, where a tense detour kept everyone on their last nerves!"

_"Okay, we just need to have lots of confidence and a lotta luck if we're gonna stay in!" said Jigglypuff, bursting with optimism._

_"God, will this leg ever end?" screamed Toon Link in desperation._

It was also here where Mewtwo and Lucario plotted to wreak havoc against the kids, Toon Link and Jigglypuff!"

_"Yeah, last leg I was just about to claim first place for the first time, but because of those guys I was pushed into second!" said Ness indignantly._

_"Maybe we should do something about it..." lamented Mewtwo._

"Mewtwo and Lucario used Ness to their advantage, fueling his hatred for Toon Link and Jigglypuff, to drum up a conflict! Meanwhile, team Falcon and Ganondorf, Fraternity Brothers, and also cousins, broke their ties to any other team, including their friends Jigglypuff and Toon Link in order to stay in, by U-Turning them with the blind U-Turn!"

_"We choose to U-Turn the kids, Toon Link and Jigglypuff..." said Falcon after a moment of very awkward silence._

"Roy and Snake took the lead once again, and kept their acts together, ending them up in second..."

_"Roy and Snake, you are the second team to arrive," said Koopa._

"...Only for them to end up penalized for a fourth time, making a new smashy amazing race record for most penalizations!"

_"A fourth penalty for us," said Snake angrily. "This is soooo lame..."_

"And in their stead, the Frats managed to break into first place, for the second time!" said Koopa.

_"Falcon and Ganondorf, you are team number __**one**__!" said Koopa Troopa. _

"Roy and Snake & Toon Link and Jigglypuff competed to stay in the race, both had-been top-dog competitors."

_"Ohmigod, there's Jigglypuff!" gasped Roy. "We're so screwed!"_

_Jigglypuff slowly waddled for the Pit stop, which was 50 yards away._

"And after a tense battle between the both of them..."

_Roy reached his arm out, but Toon Link slashed his sword at it._

"...The kids, Toon Link and Jigglypuff ended up staying in the race. However, the father and son were spared, with the last remaining non-elimination!"

_"...I'm afraid you've been spared with a non-elimination, the last one, at that!" said Koopa. _

"Leg ten sent teams over to the communistically-governed Dream Land, where teams experienced harsh tasks in even harsher weather!"

_"You know, the weather is actually quite marvelous," continued Jigglypuff in a posh British accent, outside the car rain was pouring, obscuring the vision of the road in front of them._

"Ness had the idea to book the only flight time to Dream Land, but at a terrible cost - all the racing money he and his team mate had!

_"Can I have as many tickets it takes to book the 6:05 AM flight, real employee?" asked Ness casually._

"...Much to the annoyance of other teams!"

_"Ergh, the only flight to Dream Land was entirely booked," complained Mewtwo._

"Other former racers, such as Falco and Samus, Quinn McIntosh, & Meta-Knight, also tried to either benefit or de-benefit current racers with their actions!"

_"You were the reason me and Falco were eliminated, idiot!" explained Samus angrily. "Remember leg one? Isle Delfino?"_

_"Wahahaha! You thought you could get rid of me, Ness? Well, think again you idiot kid!" cackled Falco evilly, rushing Ness._

_"Now then, me matey, what is it you need from me?" asked Quinn, putting an arm around Mewtwo's shoulder._

"After frat boy Ganondorf failed to complete an easy roadblock task involving television celebrity and past-season racer Quinn McIntosh, Ganondorf blew his cover as an escaped convict!"

_"Kirby? KIRBY? You think he's Kirby? That's Quinn McIntosh! He's just pretending to be Kirby, you idiots!" said Ganondorf angrily, showing them a picture and description of Quinn._

_Quinn wordlessly bolted out the side door, as the executive manager called the cops._

"Mewtwo and Lucario excelled at the Roadblock, and managed to stay ahead of all the other teams, which kept them in first for most of the leg. However, in their haste, they made a major screw-up on the final task before the pit stop!"

_"Here you go guys," said Lucario, putting in only half of their money._

"And they were rejected upon reaching the pit stop, forcing them to backtrack to the task and try again! ...And because of the twin's huge error, this allowed Roy and Snake to creep into first place for the first time since the race's early days, leg three!"

_"Team Roy and Snake, you are the second team to arrive," said Koopa. "But because Mewtwo and Lucario forgot to give all their money to the orphanage, you are team number__** one**__!"_

"Meanwhile, backpacking team Ness and Pikachu, had a flight delay for most of the beginning of the leg, leaving them in the bottom for the entirety of the leg!"

_"Ah, we're finally here!" said Ness, still covered in Falco's blood._

"Team Toon Link and Jigglypuff, the Middle School Students, struggled for most of the leg in every aspect!"

_"Do you think that there's any chance we're not last?" said Toon Link morbidly._

"After a long day, it came down to the Middle Schoolers and the Best Friends facing off in order to stay in the race!"

_"We're not going down without a fight!" screamed Ness, choking Toon Link._

"Ness managed to sneak ahead of the students, only to screw himself up with the same mistake the Twins made earlier!"

_"What did the clue say, again?" he asked his partner. Before Pikachu could respond, Ness answered himself, "Ah, forget it, it's not important."_

"And because of his marginal error, the students managed to barely stay in the race!"

_"Because Ness and Pikachu failed to give all their money to the charity, you are team number four!" said Koopa with enthusiasm._

_"Oh my god, I can't believe this!" screamed Jigglypuff excitedly, shaking Toon Link._

"The four teams remaining went to Sinnoh for the eleventh and second-last leg, where twins Mewtwo and Lucario had an edge on the other teams due to being natives of the local Pokémon province!"

_"Ahhh, it's great to be back in good old Sinnoh!" said Mewtwo cheerily, stretching his arms._

"Toon Link's traumatic stress from the race turned him into a bitter person, much to his team mate's distaste!"

_"Toon Link's been acting really weird lately, like one minute he's acting fine and the next he spends trying to cut himself with everything!"_

"Roy and Snake ended up in the lead for almost the entire leg due to a jump on flight times..."

_"Looks like we got a lead on everyone else," said Snake, smiling._

"Meanwhile, the students got the worst of it, ending up at the back of the pack for the entirety of the leg."

_"Yeah, we're definitely in last," said Jigglypuff dejectedly._

"Father and son, Roy and Snake reached the U-Turn first, and made a decision which determined the fate of the rest of the race for everyone!"

_"It makes sense to go ahead and use this U-Turn, after all, we have no idea what place we could be in, it'll ensure us the finale, and it's also the last one we'll encounter." explained Roy._

_"But the question is who to U-Turn?" queried Snake._

"And after thinking it over, they decided to U-Turn the most hated team, Toon Link and Jigglypuff!"

_"Karma's a bitch, isn't it, Jigglypuff and Toon Link?" laughed Snake, posting the students' sticker on the board triumphantly._

"The other two teams, Falcon and Ganondorf & Mewtwo and Lucario were overjoyed to hear the news of the kids' demise..."

_"Looks like the kids are screwed," smiled Falcon. "Heck, I didn't even know they were still in the race!"_

_"I am soooo happy right now..." said Mewtwo, looking as if he were on the verge of tears._

"Meanwhile, the kids encountered multiple issues, setting them even further back!"

_"Oh my gosh, I think we're in a slaughterhouse," said Toon Link, shivering with fear._

_"We need to get out of here before things end up really messy!" said Jigglypuff, opening a door._

"And an incident with a moon stone transformed Jigglypuff into a Wigglytuff permanently!"

_Jigglypuff started transforming, and after thirty seconds of rapidly shrinking in size and increasing in size, she transformed._

_Congratulations! Your Jigglypuff evolved into a Wigglytuff!_

_"What just happened?" asked Toon Link._

"The twins and frat boys finally caught up to Roy and Snake at Oreburgh, while waiting for the local museum to open!"

_"What are you two doing here?" asked Snake, shocked at the presence of the twins._

_"At least we caught up to these guys." observed Mewtwo, pointing to the father and son._

"And due to the twins' familiarity with the environment, they took first place for the third time!"

_"Me and Mewtwo are going to be bringing home the million, that's all I'm saying," said Lucario with a grin on his face._

"As the day started coming to a close, the fraternity boys and the high school students fought to go on to the finale, causing an interesting dilemma!"

_"There it is, all we have to do is cross over to the mat and we're in the finale," said Falcon, looking hopeful._

_"No so fast, frat brothers!" said Wigglytuff evilly. "You still have us to deal with!"_

_"Okay, but how are we going to decide who gets onto the mat and goes on to the finale?" asked Ganondorf._

_"Rock, paper, scissors," said Wigglytuff._

"And after quick-thinking on frat boy Falcon's part..."

_"Looks like I win," smiled Toon Link evilly._

_"This isn't rock," said Falcon suddenly. "...It's a FALCON PAAAAUNCH!1" screamed Falcon, punching Toon Link in the face and running onto the mat._

"...longtime lasting high school students finally met their end, being the last team eliminated!" finished Koopa dramatically.

_Toon Link started sobbing uncontrollably as several anti-suicidal watchmen took him and Wigglytuff away._

"Falcon and Ganondorf went through the race by communicating with each other and working as a team. And because of their good relationship and combination, they landed in the final three!"

"Roy and Snake started the race strong but started to struggle with following the rules of the race. But after learning to follow orders and keeping their wits together, they placed themselves into the final three!"

"Mewtwo and Lucario started the race with a lack of communication and teamwork. But after being forced to work together and with a million dollars at stake, they forced themselves to work as a team and ended up in the final three!"

"This is the final leg, and there are no more eliminations. By the end of this leg one of these teams..."

Koopa paused for dramatic effect.

"...will win The Extra Smashy Amazing Race!"

* * *

**The Final Three! (With poll voting results...which may or may not have been boosted for inflation...)**

Falcon and Ganondorf (33.3%)

Roy and Snake (33.3%)

Mewtwo and Lucario (33.4%)

* * *

"This is Spear Pillar, the eleventh and final pit stop on the race!" explained Koopa. "This is where a trainer by an unknown name defeated Team Galactic and captured a Dialga. Teams arrived here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory rest period, where they can eat, sleep, and mingle with the other teams!"

_Snake shot life-like dummies of the other four racers, while Roy read War and Peace._

_Falcon and Ganondorf drank an entire pack of beer while playing Mass Effect 3 on a race-provided Xbox 360._

_Mewtwo was taking morphine as he anxiously sat next to the mat, while Lucario tried to hide from the camera and smoke something illegal._

"Which two teams will screw up after coming this far? And more importantly, which of the three teams will win the **one million dollars?**" Said Koopa Troopa dramatically. "Team Mewtwo and Lucario, who were first to arrive at the pit stop at 6:52 PM, will depart at 6:52 AM!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
1st to Depart; 6:52 AM_

"We have exactly thirty seconds before we can open the clue," announced Mewtwo nervously.

Lucario took a shot of morphine, then ripped the clue anyways.

"Make your way to the local Sinnoh airport, and buy tickets to Smashville," read Lucario rapidly.

_"Teams must now order tickets to Smashville, where the race had begun!" recapped Koopa, "Teams must hurry, as no two teams should end up on the same flight, so any time gained will be vital in booking tickets."_

"We're leaving immediately, because we are not losing after coming this far," said Lucario, a dangerous glint in his eye.

"I'm just glad the kids are finally gone," expressed Mewtwo quietly, following his brother.

_Roy and Snake  
2nd to Depart; 7:19 AM_

"You must now make your way to Los Angeles," read Snake aloud.

"That's a pamphlet," noticed Roy.

"Hah, just kidding around." lied Snake, tearing up the pamphlet and taking out the actual clue. "Make your way to the local Sinnoh airport... sweet, we're going back."

"We're going all-out this leg, we don't care what happens, as long as we win the million." explained Roy to the camera menacingly.

They left the pit stop in a hurry.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Me and my brother have decided to put our petty differences aside for the next 12 hours and we're prepared to do whatever it takes to win the million," said Mewtwo dramatically. "...Even if it means doing illegal things!"

"But that makes it all the more better," said Lucario eerily.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"If we don't move fast, we could fall behind the twins and make for a boring finale." explained Roy. "And that's the last thing we want."

Snake jumped onto the tandem bike they owned and pedaled out of Mt. Coronet's entrance.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We have to journey all the way to Solaceon town if we want to fly out of here?" repeated an exhausted Mewtwo.

"Why do you sound so exhausted? Besides, that's our hometown..." reminisced Lucario.

"I was up last night doing all sorts of research on Smashville," said Mewtwo quickly, starting to look nervous.

"Why were you doing research on Smashville? That was where we went to college." continued Lucario.

"We never went to college," revealed Mewtwo. "...Well, you didn't."

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"So the twins already have a twenty-seven minute lead on us," said Roy conversationally.

Snake merely cackled evilly as he stroked his M9.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Last to Depart; 8:48 AM_

"Man, we are so far behind," complained Falcon as he watched his cousin open the clue slowly.

"Make your way to the local Sinnoh airport," read Ganondorf, "And buy tickets to Smashville."

"I just wonder if there's any chance we can maybe catch a flight the same time as the other two teams..." mused Falcon to nobody in particular.

"Okay, we cannot screw this up, bro. We're in dead-last and this is the finale, man! We got to get real, no messing around!" said Ganondorf to his cousin.

_Roy and Snake  
Pre-leg Interview_

"We will create a chaos within the remaining racers, and eat their fear..." cackled Snake evilly.

"Seriously, Snake? Eat their fear? You couldn't have used a better term, like 'and consume their fear like it was bread from the bakery'...?" analogized Roy.

"Fine, we will consume their fear," corrected Snake.

"-Like it was bread," added Roy.

"Whatever! Anyways, we plan on using aggressive force during this leg because you can't be penalized on the last leg!" revealed Snake evilly, showing a loaded pistol.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Ah, it's good to be back in the old neighborhood..." smiled Mewtwo, as they entered Solaceon town.

"Maybe for you, I have terrible memories of this place!" complained Lucario.

"You know, I've always wondered why we have different names..." mused Mewtwo, "Like why do I have five names, and you only have two?"

"Why don't you ask mother?" suggested Lucario pointedly, as their mother approached them.

**The rest of the footage for the following scene can only be viewed in the deleted scenes of The Extra Smashy Amazing Race: Season Two DVD box set. Have a nice day.**

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Pre-Leg Interview_

"Me and Ganondorf took history of filming class back in college," smiled Falcon. "So we're familiar with a lot of movies... and I do mean that."

"You're gonna need a bigger boat." said Ganondorf from off the camera screen from somewhere.

"Man, was that class a blow-off." lamented Falcon. "It was fun though, because me and Ganon love the movies!"

"Houston, we have a problem." said Ganondorf's voice from across the room.

"I wonder how Mister Kastor is doing, anyways..." wondered Falcon.

"A boy's best friend is his mother..." eulogized Ganondorf.

"We should call him up once the race is over," decided Falcon.

"Bueller... Bueller..." droned Ganondorf.

"You know, I'll have a better day than Ferris Bueller ever did if we win this race," stated Falcon enthusiastically.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"What do you mean I'm adopted?" sobbed Mewtwo at the horrible realization.

"I mean, how was it never obvious when your full name is Mewtwo the Ultimate Life-Form and mine was Lucario Rukario?" asked Lucario angrily.

"Gee, I don't know, maybe because I thought we were twins!" said Mewtwo angrily.

"That doesn't make any sense..." said Lucario, after analyzing the last sentence.

They walked inside the airport.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We're going to have to hurry bro, if we want to end up on a decent flight," lamented Falcon.

"I wonder if the other two teams are encountering issues," said Ganondorf cynically as he watched their tandem bike be run over by a steamroller.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We want two tickets to the fastest flight back to Smashville!" yelled Lucario to the closest airport worker.

"If you don't mind..." added Mewtwo timidly, from behind Lucario.

"Even if you do mind, process them anyways!" yelled Lucario angrily, waving his arms.

"I don't think Pokémon should be going about, giving orders here..." said the airport worker nervously.

"Equality for Pokémon, darn it! We need to put aside our prejudices, and instead work together!" snapped Mewtwo, unable to contain himself.

The female airport worker reached for the security button, only for Lucario to beat her to it.

"A-ha! I beat you to the security button! What now, bitch?" laughed Lucario arrogantly, sticking his tongue out at her.

"I still win," replied the airport worker, as dozens of security guards surrounded the twins.

"They have no weapons. How do they plan on defeating us?" wondered Mewtwo.

They all pulled out Poké balls.

...

"Oh," sighed Mewtwo tiredly, jumping just out of reach from a thrown Poké ball.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Don't... stop... pedaling!" yelled Snake in front, pedaling furiously on their race-complimentary tandem bike.

Roy meekly watched from the back seat as his son did all the pedaling.

They reached Solaceon town in record time.

"Son, maybe you should calm down." suggested Roy.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" screamed Snake angrily, shooting an intervening security guard in the kneecap.

"I could ground you right now," scolded Roy angrily, Snake immediately cowering, before Roy added, "...However we're in a race so you get to do what you want for now."

Snake did a celebratory gunshot, shooting directly above him which caused the above lightbulb to shatter and break on his head.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We're going to have to hurry bro, if we want to end up on a decent flight," lamented Falcon.

"Didn't you say that earlier, word-by-word?" wondered Ganondorf.

He broke the fourth wall, went to the story, and scrolled up.

"You did. Maybe we should focus on coming up with new material." decided Ganondorf.

_Snake  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Favorite song? I've never heard any songs. In fact, the only song I ever heard was that one about bombs bursting in air that they would play for me before I always went on a mission..." revealed Snake.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Look, just give us tickets. We seriously need to get two tickets to the fastest flight to Smashville," explained Lucario to one of the security guards.

The airport security guard shook his head. "We aren't in charge of tickets, but we'll release you two if you promise to calm down."

"Anything, just let us out!" said Mewtwo gratuitously.

"While you're at it, could you send us to Smashville if you're going to deport us?" suggested Lucario.

...

"Just stop," sighed Mewtwo, shaking his head. "Stop while you're ahead. Actually, while you're behind. You're so backwards about all this, it's almost forwards."

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"There's the airport, hurry inside! We might just have beaten those twins here!" said Roy hopefully.

Snake was too busy running through security with over fourteen loaded weapons to hear a word Roy was saying.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On 10:15 Sinn-air port Flight_

"Now are you sure the plane is booked?" repeated Lucario.

"We managed to finally get tickets for the only flight to Smashville all day!" smiled Mewtwo.

"Here's to hoping the other teams don't show up anytime soon," said Lucario, holding a shot glass with whiskey.

The glass ruptured in Lucario's hand from a stray bullet, severely cutting his hand.

"Give us the same flight as them." said Snake menacingly, his shotgun steaming from the shot.

"I'm sorry sir, but it's booked." said the same female airport worker from earlier.

"You will give me and my old man tickets to the same flight as them," said Snake aiming the shotgun at her, "And you will do it _now_."

"I simply cannot do that..." said the worker nervously. "You could try the nearby South Sinnoh airport in Hearthome..."

"Hearthome?" repeated Snake incredulously, reloading his shotgun. "We passed that several miles back!"

"I'm sorry, it's all I can suggest." replied the worker.

Lucario poked his tongue out at Snake and his father.

Snake poured gun powder on his tongue and ran out of the airport.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Okay, so we're in Solaceon town finally and it's just now 10:00," observed Ganondorf after checking his watch.

"Let's try to find Sinn-air port, from there we should be able to purchase two tickets and it'll all be good from there." said Falcon, walking ahead.

"I swear, at the end of this show, half of the racers are either going to be dead or in jail," said Ganondorf distastefully as he watched Snake blow up a car next to them.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Frat brothers! How on earth did you two catch up to us so quickly?!" said Snake angrily as he strode to where they stood.

Falcon shrugged, "I don't know, we just simply walked all the way her-"

"Diabolical! What cunning! I wish I had thought of that!" said Snake angrily, punching Falcon in the face.

"Dude, what is your problem today?" asked Ganondorf, before Snake also punched him.

"We're not losing this leg to you two, frat boys!" added Roy, staying out of reach of everyone else.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Man, what was their problem?" asked Ganondorf, feeling his jaw for any permanent damage, once the other team ran off.

"I'm thinking the power of being in the finale went to his head," suggested Falcon. "I'm almost afraid to find out how Lucario is acting as well..."

They walked inside the airport.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"We need to double-time it, those frat boys were definitely up to something!" announced Snake, throwing random things out of his backpack.

"Why are you getting rid of our medicinal equipment?" asked Roy, picking up the stuff from behind.

"We need to travel light if we're going to win!" yelled Snake, stopping for a five-second stretch.

"Why don't you just get rid of your weapons bag?" asked Roy, pointing to a bulging bag strapped around Snake's midsection.

"That's preposterous! We're going to need this bag for the final footrace!" sputtered Snake, offended by the very idea.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Look, is there any way we can end up on that 10:15 flight?" asked Falcon desperately. "We're in a race you see..."

"Let me explain it," said Ganondorf, shoving Falcon out of the way. "See, we're in this race around the world, and every time we reach the end of a leg, somebody is eliminated. Now there's only two other teams left besides us, and the other two went crazy with power because the prize is a million dollars and please let us on that flight _pleasepleaseplease_," begged Ganondorf, gripping the airport worker's leg.

"What?" said the female worker, pulling out her earphones and turning off her iPod.

"D'aww, just forget it," said Ganondorf sadly, getting off of the floor. "How come every time somebody tries to explain the basics of the race, nobody ever hears a thing you say?"

"I beg to differ," said a nearby english-speaking japanese salesman, "I heard the entire thing and I'm willing to give you two the benefit of the doubt and give you my flight ticket!"

"Yaaay!" cheered Ganondorf and Falcon, accepting the ticket.

"We still need one more though," said Ganondorf, his hope failing.

"Don't be ridiculous! Watch this!" said Falcon, taking the ticket and ripping it in half, handing both halves to the conductor.

"This is one ticket ripped in two," noticed the conductor. "Go get another ticket, and we'll let you on."

They ran past him and onto the plane.

"We are willing to give someone 100 bucks to give us their ticket," announced Falcon.

There was silence in the plane, as everyone stared at them.

"Make that... 100 bucks and one nickel!1" said Falcon dramatically.

...

"150 bucks," counted Falcon, waving the money.

...

"200 bucks?" suggested Falcon, suggestively raising an eyebrow.

Security started to grab Falcon's arms and take him off the plane.

"217 bucks," said Falcon.

"Why did you choose such an uneven number?" asked Ganondorf angrily.

"I'll take that amount," said one passenger, who happened to look very similar to celebrity Ian Somerhalder.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On 10:15 Sinn-air port Flight_

"Sold, to the Ian Somerhalder imposter!" said Falcon excitedly, handing him the money and grabbing the ticket.

"Watch it man," warned Ian.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," said Mewtwo angrily, who had ended up watching the entire spectacle from his seat.

_Roy and Snake  
On 10:45 South Sinnoh Flight_

"We managed to snag a flight that goes through the Wild Lands and over to Smashville, and we land five minutes after everyone else," explained Snake, grinning evilly.

"So it looks like we've caught up to those heathens!" laughed Roy.

"...Heathens?" repeated Snake, confused.

"_All teams now have a flight to East side Smashville!" over-explained Koopa, "Falcon and Ganondorf, along with Mewtwo and Lucario, are on the Sinn-air flight leaving at 10:15 am and arriving at 11:20 am!"_

"Meanwhile, team Roy and Snake are departing at 10:45 am on the South Sinnoh flight and will be arriving at 11:25 am."

_"Once teams arrive in East side Smashville, they must receive their next clue from Pit, who hasn't been participating in the race at all! He will be waiting for teams over in front of the local graveyard, Smashy funeral home!"_

_11:20 AM  
First Flight Landed_

"All we know is that we caught the same flight as the twins by complete luck, but we can't depend on that sort of a thing from now on." explained Ganondorf, as he grabbed his backpack from the baggage compartment from the plane.

"If we're lucky, we can get out of here before the twins even show up!" said Falcon hopefully.

"We can hear you, you know," warned Lucario, less than ten inches away.

"Ha, ha, funny joke!" laughed Falcon angrily, grabbing his backpack and running out of the plane.

Mewtwo frantically searched the compartments for the team's money.

_11:23 AM  
Second Flight Landed...?_

Before the plane even actually landed, with total disregard for personal safety, Snake threw his father out an open window, jumped out himself, and activated his parachute.

"Hmm, I hope daddy remembered to wear a parachute," mused Snake, watching his dad plummet towards the ground.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're back to Smashville, brother! Back at home again... it's like they say, home is where the hurt will be!" said Ganondorf, running out of the airport and smelling the air. "Smashy funeral home isn't far from here, let's walk to save money!"

"I don't know if that would be a wise move..." lamented Falcon.

"Don't be ridiculous! Who's going to pay for a taxi driver when it's only two miles from the airport?" asked Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"We're taking a taxi driver," ordered Lucario.

"Are you sure that's ethical?" mused Mewtwo.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

Roy and Snake landed on the ground in front of the airport, and immediately began army crawling into a taxi.

"Take us to Smashy funeral homes!" barked Snake.

The local taxi driver revved up the taxi and drove off.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

"Take us to Smashy funeral homes." explained Mewtwo to the taxi driver.

The father and son's taxi passed them by, throwing a brick attached to a death threat through the window.

"What does it say?" asked Lucario.

"Death threat," read Mewtwo aloud. "What a lame excuse for a death threat!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

The father and son's taxi passed them by, throwing a brick attached to a death threat at Ganondorf's skull.

"Who the hell was that?" asked Falcon incredulously.

Ganondorf slowly got to his feet, gripping his bleeding skull.

He was crushed by a cement block.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Good job, son! We really double-timed it to the funeral home!" smiled Snake.

"I'm the one who's supposed calls you that," mused Roy sadly.

"Here's your next clue," said Pit, foaming at the mouth at Snake's perfect muscular body.

"You look fairly built for a girl," noticed Snake, taking the clue.

"Girl... yes, that's what I am," lied Pit, trying to feel Snake's perfectly toned chest.

"You must now be... buried alive?!" read Snake in horror.

_"Teams must now allow themselves to be buried inside a coffin! Once they are buried underground, they must figure out a method to escape without getting themselves killed. There may appear to be no true point to the task, but that's because there isn't!" said Koopa, standing next to a hole._

_"Did you guys just defile three random graves and dump the corpses in a river?" asked one cameraman._

_"Uh... nnnooooo..." said Koopa, covering the tombstones._

"I can understand swimming in a pond filled with exotic, dangerous fish, I can even understand having to stand in toxic, radiated pools with nothing but a thin bio-suit! But this is just ridiculous!" fumed Roy angrily, hacking a nearby sign with his sword.

Snake was already inside the coffin, waiting for Roy to jump in.

"Fine..." sighed Roy, hopping inside.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"I'm so glad we took the taxi instead of walking!" smiled Mewtwo, hopping out of the taxi and running up to Pit. "Hello, Pit!"

"Here's your next clue." said Pit, handing Mewtwo the clue. "Have fun trying to _**survive in a tiny coffin with your team mate, with your chances of survival one in a million**_..."

"Gee, thanks Pit! You always were a good friend!" grinned Mewtwo, being thrown into the coffin by his brother.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Yeah, that was a bad decision," sighed Ganondorf, aware of their placing.

"I blame you for this." decided Falcon.

"Oh yeah? Well uh... I'm sure you've made a bad decision before!" defended Ganondorf.

"Like what?" laughed Falcon.

_"Maybe we should look in that field, after all, it's the only place we haven't checked!" suggested Ganondorf._

_"NO! NEVER! I'LL LOSE MY PRIDE IF IT TURNS UP THERE!" howled Falcon, digging in the sand in a futile attempt._

"Uh... that was a one-time deal! You've got nothing on me!" reconciled Falcon desperately.

_"Alright, we'll go but first let's burn this place to the ground!" said Falcon with a smirk._

"That was Photoshopped!" yelled Falcon desperately.

"Photoshop can only Photoshop photos," said the cameraman.

"I know, I'm sorry," sobbed Falcon uncontrollably.

_Roy and Snake_

"Now how do we get out of here, Einstein?" asked Snake angrily to his dad, as they closed the coffin on them, and sounds of shoveling could be heard from outside.

"You were the one who was confident we would survive this!" replied Roy angrily, and sounds of shoveling could be heard from outside.

"I was trying to be optimistic!" said Snake angrily, and sounds of shoveling could be heard from outside becoming louder. "But seeing as it isn't working for you, I guess I could just be a Dustin-downer! Is that what you want me to be? A Dustin-downer?"

"You have no idea how screwed we really are," sighed Roy, sounds of shoveling could be heard from outside.

_Mewtwo and Lucario_

"This task is going to be so easy," smirked Mewtwo, as he and his brother were unceremoniously shoved into a coffin and buried alive.

"Alright, wait for it..." said Lucario. "...Now!"

Lucario gripped his brother's arm, and they teleported out of the coffin.

"Does that even count?" asked Pit to the instructor.

"I don't really care," shrugged the instructor, handing them the next clue.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Make your way to the local diner, The Green Hat!" read Mewtwo excitedly.

_"Teams must now travel five miles to the local diner, The Green Hat!" explained Koopa Troopa, "It is here where teams will receive their next clue!"_

"Looks like we're in first again," said Lucario, noticing the frat boys walk up to Pit.

They got back in their taxi and drove further into town.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"You must now be buried alive inside a coffin..." read Ganondorf.

...

He read the clue again.

...

Then he read it again.

...

Then he read again, this time just for funsies.

"This is just over the top!" replied Falcon angrily, throwing himself into a nearby coffin.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

The lid of the coffin, along with all the dirt directly above the coffin containing the father and son flew up in the air.

Snake jumped out of the hole, and took the next clue.

"Make your way to the local diner, The Green Hat!" read Snake out loud. "Come my father, we must not lose to those twins!"

Roy was just about to climb out of the hole, when the coffin lid came crashing back down on his skull.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"Okay, how do we go about this?" asked Ganondorf, the limited space in the coffin forcing him to be less than an inch away from Falcon's crotch.

"We dig our way out." said Falcon, pulling out a shovel from his pocket.

"How did that fit in your pocket?" queried Ganondorf, confused.

"Oh, so you question the logic of a shovel in a pocket as well? What's next, questioning the laws of physics?" questioned Falcon angrily.

"It's a human's job to question science," said Ganondorf shiftily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Drive, medium-wage worker! Drive!" cackled Lucario evilly.

"Dude, I think there's something wrong with him," said the taxi driver to Mewtwo.

"That's I've always been saying!" agreed Mewtwo. "Finally, someone who agrees with me!"

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Which taxi is ours?" asked Roy.

Snake opened the door of one, and looked at the meter.

"Not ours!" said Snake shiftily, closing the door again.

_Falcon and Ganondorf_

"I say we dig out way out," repeated Falcon, still holding the shovel.

"Okay, okay fine. We dig our way out." sighed Ganondorf, taking the shovel from his cousin and beginning to dig.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're here!" yelled Mewtwo, jumping out of the still-moving taxi.

He hit the ground and rolled straight into a pole, fracturing his spine.

Lucario jumped out once the taxi came to a complete stop.

"For the record, that was your own damn fault." said Lucario, walking past his brother and collecting the next clue.

"You must now eat... a Wigglytuff?!" read Lucario, looking almost horrified.

_"Thought we weren't going to throw in this old task, did you?" laughed Koopa hysterically. Regaining his composure, he added, "Teams have to eat an entire cooked Wigglytuff. Once they have completed this hallowed traditional TSAR task, the owner of the store will hand them their next clue."_

"Okay, this leg is just getting weirder and weirder..." said Mewtwo, magically recovered from his fractured spine.

"I wonder what Jigglypuff would have thought of this if she hadn't been eliminated last leg." mused Lucario sadistically.

Both brothers laughed evilly, as they walking over to the entrance of The Green Hat.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Snake, why did you take the angel hostage?" asked Roy, alarmed.

"Because we might need a hostage!" yelled Snake, waving his gun around aimlessly as he spoke every word with annunciation and punctuation.

"Um... can you please not do that?" said Roy pointedly, pointing at the tricked-out P99.

"And why not?!" asked Snake angrily, still waving the gun.

It fired, shooting Pit in his shoulder. Fortunately, his screams of pain were muffled from the gag, and the fact he was still mesmerized by Snake's perfectly toned abs.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

Falcon's head appeared out of the ground.

"Now how do I get out of this one?" asked Falcon, unable to move his body.

As if an answer to his question, Ganondorf repeatedly tried to shove him out of the small hole, but to no avail.

"I wonder how this could possibly get any worse?" wondered Falcon.

As if an answer to his question, The nearby sprinkler system turned on.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently Eating a Wigglytuff_

"We have to eat this?" asked Lucario, licking his lips at the magnificently made dish in front of him, the Pokémon's juices already squeezed and placed on the side, the liver and kidneys gleaming brightly as they began to slowly decompose.

...

"Actually, this one is yours," said the local instructor, revealing a Wigglytuff covered with flies.

Mewtwo looked sick.

"Ha, ha, no I'm just screwing with you guys, the first one you saw is your dish." said the instructor, throwing the second one in the trash.

"Do you think they poisoned it?" asked Mewtwo cautiously, watching his brother devour the cooked Wigglytuff. "They'll do anything to win, you know..."

"Yeah, well if I die you'll know not to eat it... and you'll know to get your stomach pumped if you eat it anyways," answered Lucario.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"You must now eat a Wigglytuff for your next clue." read Roy.

"Tell us: Where is the Wigglytuff? Where is the food, damn it!" yelled Snake, choking Pit around his neck with every syllable.

Pit, being choked and with a gag in his mouth, did not respond.

"Um, I honestly think you should be a little more loose on the edges," mused Roy.

"Don't tell me what to do, damn it! I've been trained for years and years in the art of methodical torture!" screamed Snake.

Roy raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, I learned by watching marathons of 24," admitted Snake.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"Make your way to the local diner, The Green Hat!" read Falcon a little too enthusiastically.

"Dude, we seriously need to get our acts together," mused Ganondorf, rubbing some dirt off himself.

"I think we still have a chance, the other two teams didn't leave that long ago!" smiled Falcon, hopping inside the taxi.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently Eating a Wigglytuff_

"Just... just start eating it, think of it as the million dollars." suggested Lucario, beginning with the fluffy ears, chewing slowly.

"Why would I eat a million dollars? I would only spend it!" said Mewtwo, hyperventilating.

"Fine then! Think of it as someone you hate!" yelled Lucario angrily, stabbing the Wigglytuff with a fork.

Mewtwo almost immediately began trying to inhale the Wigglytuff whole at Lucario's advice.

"Damn you must really hate someone," laughed Lucario, unaware of the implication behind Mewtwo's actions.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently Eating a Wigglytuff_

"EAT! EAT!" screamed Snake angrily, shoving Pit's face into the Wigglytuff, forcing him to eat the Wigglytuff.

Pit started choking on the gag, combined with the bits of Wigglytuff lodged in his throat.

"EAT! EAT!" screamed Snake angrily, pistol-whipping Pit in his face.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

The frat boys hopped out of their taxi, paid the taxi driver, and approached the clue box. Hey, they can't always be that interesting.

"Maybe we should try to make our scenes more intere-"

"Nope, too late for that crap." interrupted Falcon. "Not only that, but I'm tired of your stupid ideas."

Ganondorf sighed as Falcon took the clue, ripping it open.

"You must now eat a Wigglytuff for your next clue..." read Falcon.

"Looks like we've caught up," noticed Ganondorf, observing the other two taxis parked right next to each other.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently Eating a Wigglytuff_

Mewtwo had alone, almost eaten the entire lower half of the Wigglytuff.

Lucario however, had only eaten the ears.

"Maybe I should try to picture it as someone I hate..." lamented Lucario, trying to think of someone he hated.

He thought of Falcon and Ganondorf, and found himself unmotivated.

He thought of Roy and Snake, and found himself unmotivated.

He thought of Toon Link and Jigglypuff, and almost immediately realized he'd eaten the entirety of the Wigglytuff in the entire thought process of the kids.

"Sweet," said Mewtwo, taking the clue.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Roadblock!" read Mewtwo, still munching on a flesh-covered bone with eagerness, "Who's ready for some physical labor?"

_"Roadblock, a task only one person may perform!" said Koopa Troopa. "This is the last roadblock in the race!"_

_" However, this Road Block will be a little different to previous legs! Instead of doing a task briefly, the chosen team member must carry these lead weights around with them, across their waist like so. The task may seem a little too easy after all this time, but what teams don't realize is the overwhelming weights will slow teams down over time! Teams will carry these weights until they are instructed to take them off!"_

"I'll do it, I'm not going to let you screw this up for us after all this!" yelled Lucario, taking the roadblock clue, running outside, and taking the weights.

Once Lucario secured the weight around his waist, he took the next clue. "Make your way to Tom Nook's shop, Nookington Way!"

_"Teams now must travel 3 miles northeast of here, to Tom Nook's shop, Nookington. Once they have arrived at this destination, Tom Nook will hand them their next clue!" over-explained Koopa in his usual fashion._

"Come on, I think I can remember the directions that lead straight to Nookington!" yelled Mewtwo, having been a recent graduate from nearby South Smashy College, making him familiar with the local territory.

They arrived to three race-complimentary cars with a note attached.

"For the final three, signed Koopa Troopa," read Lucario, taking the money inside and looking the cars over.

"We get to choose between a Ferrari, Audi R8, and a Corvette?!" said Mewtwo, impressed at the cars.

"...Cars are complimentary, and are now owned by whichever final three team chooses it, having made it to the finale!" finished Lucario. "Sweet, we get to choose our own car for the rest of the leg!"

Mewtwo observed the cars, and after some thought, ended up choosing the Audi.

"Hecks yeah," grinned Mewtwo, hopping in the driver's seat and starting the ignition, listening to the sound.

"Ohhhh these weights are so heavy..." complained Lucario, moving extremely slowly due to the weights around his waist. ...And the fact that there are starving children in Africa, and nobody was feeding them. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, I REMEMBERED.

...

Mewtwo hummed to himself as he waited for Lucario to get in the car.

...

Mewtwo jumped out of the car, grabbed Lucario's hand, teleported him into the car, revved up the car again just for funsies, then drove off.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Gosh, I can't believe we got to eat my favorite pastime meal, cooked Wigglytuff!" smiled Falcon, having eaten most of the entirety of the dish himself.

"And my idea of you eating half and me eating half worked perfectly!" added Ganondorf, accepting the clue. He ripped it open, "Roadblock! Who's ready for some physical labor?"

"You should do it, after all we've both done five already and you seem like you're the tougher one." explained Falcon.

Ganondorf looked at Falcon, who was completely ripped with muscles, having a perfect six-pack and huge abs.

Ganondorf looked at himself, having a moderate amount of arm strength.

"Are you sure you don't want to do it?" asked Ganondorf nervously.

"Naah, this seems more like your task! Not only that but you need to have some fun while you're at it!" continued Falcon.

"Make your way to Tom Nook's shop, Nookington Way," read Falcon.

They ran up to the two remaining sports cars: 2012 Ferrari and the 2012 Corvette Stingray.

"We're taking the Ferrari." smiled Ganondorf. "...SHOTGUN!1"

"There's only you and me, dummy." pointed out Falcon.

Ganondorf pointed at the cameraman.

"Cammy makes three," joked Ganondorf.

"That was the lamest quote I have heard all day." stated Falcon.

They got in their respective seats and drove off, just as the father and son ran out.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"Roadblock! Who's ready for some physical labor?" read Roy. "Snake, stop toting that hostage around, get rid of him! We don't need one!"

"Who's to say we don't?" questioned Snake angrily, still holding Pit at gunpoint.

"...The fact that he's slowing us down." explained Roy angrily.

"He's going to be driving! At my gunpoint!" yelled Snake. "He'll be our free chauffer!"

...

"Fine, I'm doing the roadblock." added Snake sullenly, grabbing the weights.

"Make your way to Tom Nook's shop, Nookington Way..." read Roy as they ran outside.

They walked up to the remaining car.

"Say, didn't we win a Corvette?" asked Roy curiously.

"Yeah we did, back in leg three," remembered Snake. "Too bad we've been racing for so long that ours is outdated..."

They got in their respective seats and drove off.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Those frat boys are right behind us," noticed Lucario drily, looking behind.

"Then I guess I'll speed up," said Mewtwo, pressing further down on the accelerator.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Look, Snake and his father are right behind us!" said Ganondorf with alarm, while his cousin drove.

"Don't worry man, he's not going to pass me up." winked Falcon, being a renowned speed drag racer back in his days at college.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"They're straight ahead! Looks like these continuity bullets will finally be of use!" cackled Snake evilly.

"...Continuity bullets?" repeated Roy.

"Get shot by these, you actually die permanently." sighed Snake, loading his handgun as he drove.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"What is he doing back there?! Is he..." Falcon turned back for a second and noticed the handgun, "...Actually planning on shooting at us?"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Speed up, I don't want that maniac Snake anywhere ahead of me!" yelled Lucario, punching his brother in the eye.

"Hey, I need to see to drive!" complained Mewtwo, gripping his right eye.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Son, swerve to the right; you can pass up the frats if you hurry!" advised Roy, wearing about ten seatbelts.

Snake cackled evilly as he swerved to the right and managed to slide past the frats' car.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Damn man, he passed us!" complained Ganondorf, punching his backpack in anger.

"Chill broski, I'm going to drift right behind this guy!" said Falcon, his car almost directly behind Snake's car.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"They're drifting behind us, those bastards!" yelled Roy angrily.

"Don't worry, I'll shake them off!" said Snake suggestively, swerving left and right aimlessly.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Dang man, he's making this hard on us!" yelled Falcon. "If he's about that life, then I'm ready for him!"

He pressed the accelerator down even harder, which if you ask me, he should have done to begin with.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"I think we lost them..." observed Lucario, looking at the road behind them.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"There's Nookington way, we just have to make a right turn up ahead and we're there!" said Roy excitedly.

They reached the lane, and turned on their right turn blinkers.

"Oh no!" said Snake dramatically, noticing a sign, "This is a no-right-turn lane!"

Dramatic pre-ad music played.

Nothing happened.

"Oh no!" said Snake dramatically, noticing a sign, "This is a no-right-turn lane!"

"There's no commercials, you moron." said Roy angrily.

"How are we ever going to win the race if we can't make a right turn?" asked Snake hysterically, sobbing.

"Oh, so when it comes to getting multiple penalties killing innocent bystanders, it's all fair game, but when it comes to breaking one traffic law, everything goes horribly wrong..." said Roy cynically.

"I must be a law-abiding citizen!" screamed Snake frantically.

The fraternity brothers' sports car drove past them and parked in front of Nookington way.

"DAMN IT!" yelled Roy, bashing his head against the dashboard.

The airbag went off, knocking Roy unconscious.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We're here!" said Falcon excitedly, parking the car and running up the entrance.

"If we can just stay ahead from now on..." began Ganondorf, before regaining his composure and walking slowly up to Falcon, "Didn't the racers go here last season as well?"

Falcon slapped Ganondorf with the clue, and pointed at the oncoming sports cars.

"You must now walk to Triumvirate Canyon!" read Ganondorf aloud from the clue.

_"Teams must now walk to Triumvirate Canyon, a canyon named for its triangular shape, also known for being suspiciously shut off from civilians for the past three years! It is here at the cliffside where teams shall receive the clue from them! ...Oh, and teams must walk all the way there. And it's like, a three-mile walk so things should get interesting!"_

"Didn't the racers do this last season as well?" repeated Ganondorf incredulously, as the twins walked up.

"Stop saying that and make a run for it!" yelled Falcon, shoving his cousin forward as they began the journey to the Canyon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

They walked up and took the clue, neither one saying a word.

"It says we have to go to Triumvirate Canyon," said Mewtwo, Lucario already running ahead.

"Fine then, don't talk," muttered Mewtwo rebelliously, following his brother.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"We can't lose, we can't lose now, and we especially can't lose to these... _plebeians_," said Roy distastefully, running up to the clue box minutes after the other two teams.

"We're back in last, we should seriously get our acts together." sighed Snake, ripping open the clue.

"Their heresy will stay their feet!" yelled Roy. "Those liberals need to learn who they're dealing with!"

"Yeah, whatever, as long as I have my handy dandy pistol they won't be beating us to the finish line," said Snake smugly, stroking the said pistol.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

The frat boys ran alongside a main freeway, using it to reach the canyon.

"Is it me, or are these weights getting increasingly heavy?" asked Ganondorf, struggling with the weights he was carrying.

"Nahhh, it's just you." shrugged Falcon, jogging ahead of his slower teammate.

"Actually, I have a theory that over time an object gains mass and weight, so really the weights are getting heavy over ti-"

Falcon 'conveniently' tripped Ganondorf into oncoming traffic.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"There's the frat guys! Outrun them! Run, bro, run!" encouraged Mewtwo, running ahead of his brother towards the frats in the distance.

"Shut up! Your voice is annoying, and I hate you!" screeched Lucario, throwing one of the weights at his brother, but to no avail.

"Ha! You missed me!" taunted Mewtwo, stepping in and out of Lucario's reach.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Come on, son, keep up the pace!" said Roy. "We've come so far now, too far to lose like this!"

"Um, maybe you could help a little?" asked Snake, carrying the weights, both of his teams' backpacks, and all the extra weapons bags he brought with him.

"Insolence! How dare you make me try to perform manual labor!" barked Roy angrily, running in front of his son. "You're so ungrateful!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Dang, man, the other two teams are being such a drag this leg," sighed Falcon, within hearing distance of the twins. "They're really ruining my mellow right now..."

"I can see the cliff side from here," observed Ganondorf, unaware of his teammate's rantings.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Is it starting to rain now? This sucks, this really sucks!" whined Mewtwo, using his backpack as a temporary umbrella.

Lucario continued fast-walking in silence, his anger slowly rising as he was completely drenched by a sudden wave of downpour.

"Ugh, I think I can see those annoying soldier relatives gaining from behind us!" continued Mewtwo, unaware of his brother's rising fury.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"There's the twins, try to pass them!" said Roy excitedly, having noticed the twins slowing down.

"Can't really run that fast," admitted Snake, weighed down by the gear.

"Don't talk daft, you ran track in high schoo- Wait... that's right... you never went to school..." mused Roy.

"Looks like you were wrong, daddy!" cackled Snake evilly, "Wait... I thought parents were never wrong... does this mean... my whole life is A LIE?!"

Snake began sobbing and hyperventilating.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"The cliff ledge, up ahead of us!" pointed out Falcon, running ahead.

"These weights are really slowing me down, I can't run as fast as you!" panted Ganondorf, starting to sweat profusely.

"It can't be that bad," shrugged Falcon callously.

Ganondorf's hands turned numb from gripping the weights for too long.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Dude, we can't lose after coming this far," whined Mewtwo. "We've worked too hard to get this far into the race!"

"Then run faster, damn it!" screamed Lucario, sprinting as fast he could, trying to desperately stay ahead of the father and son.

"The detour should be just up ahead, we just need to beat them at it," placated Mewtwo, slowing down his pace.

"Go faster, dumbass!" yelled Lucario hoarsely, the athletic soldiers passing him up.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Pass them up son, we cannot fall behind!" barked Roy angrily, despite being the one falling behind his own team mate.

Snake passed Mewtwo, then Lucario.

Roy kept level with Mewtwo, unable to gain any further speed.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Okay we're here, now what?" asked Ganondorf wearily, panting.

"You know, that actually wasn't that bad!" smiled Falcon. "I mean, sure it was three miles we had to run but due to the fact I'm very well fit, it actually wasn't too much of a challen-"

Ganondorf hit Falcon with the weights.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

Roy was now slowly surpassing Lucario.

"I'm not letting you plebian scum beat us!" cursed Roy, the exhaustion causing him to pause between every syllable.

"We're gonna win, sucker!" taunted Lucario, extending out his foot and tripping the soldier flat on his face.

Unfortunately, Mewtwo had been running directly behind Roy, which caused the psychic twin to also be tripped up.

Lucario began cursing Mewtwo's birth hysterically.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Scaffolding down? Like leg nine, huh?" mused Falcon, strapping on the gear and immediately scaffolding down.

"Ten," corrected Ganondorf nervously. "It was leg ten..."

They landed safely at the bottom of the cavern less than a minute later, and the pair of them approached the clue box and took the next clue.

"You must now go on a tour through a top secret military base?!" read Falcon.

_"Teams must now sign up on ten-minute tours visiting the top secret military base Tanuki Groundbase! This base is known for its supreme seclusion from society and its extreme methods for preventing its secrets from being revealed to the public! Once teams have been given the tour of the entire base, the installation commander will hand them their next clue!" explained Koopa._

"We get to visit a top-secret base?!" said Ganondorf and Falcon in unison. "Awesome!"

They high-fived each other and signed themselves up for the 12:55 pm departure.

"There's nine minutes until the departure, it's only 12:46 pm." pointed out Falcon.

"The leg is probably going to last until 5:00 pm so we still have a long road ahead of us," shrugged Ganondorf. "But I'm totally psyched that we get to visit Tanuki Groundbase, said to be one of the most secluded and least visited places on the entire planet!"

"Oh yeah, you can also take the weights off now." explained Falcon, reading the rest of the clue.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Put on the equipment, quick!" yelled Snake, scrambling to put on the heavy gear.

Before Roy even had the chance to pick up the equipment, Snake grabbed his father and dove off the ledge.

"Who's winning now, bitches?" laughed Snake, poking his tongue out at the two twins above.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in Last Place_

Lucario took a deep breath and punched a nearby outcropped rock.

Mewtwo grabbed his brother's hand, teleported the pair of them to the bottom of the cliff ledge, and signed up for the departure times just as the father and son landed.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Looks like we are," smiled Mewtwo excitedly.

"Well well well, look who we've caught up with once again," smirked Lucario to the nearby frats. "Guess your precious luck won't be holding up for much longer!"

"Even though there's technically no such thing as-"

Lucario gave Mewtwo one knock to the jaw, knocking him out senseless.

"He was starting to annoy me," explained Lucario to the camera.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"Damn it all, they inched us out of second place again!" cursed Roy, tangled in the rock-climbing equipment with Snake.

Lucario perched himself on a nearby rock and watched the two soldiers fail to untangle themselves.

_Two minutes later..._

"So we're in last again." said Roy pointedly, signing his team up for the tour departure.

Awkward silence ensued, the six remaining racers all staring at one another in a quiet manner.

...

...

"So... looks like we were the six toughest racers," analogized Ganondorf.

"What?" asked Lucario.

"You know... like survival of the fittest... as if the race was a test of strength and wits... we were the six toughest racers...?" explained Ganondorf nervously.

"Looks like it won't be six for long," sneered Snake evilly, loading his MP-447.

"If you think about it, this race isn't really a measure of who's the best." pointed out Mewtwo. "I mean, what with all the fast forwards and U-turns it can't exactly always be branded as fair..."

"Yeah but only the swiftest teams get to the fast forwards first, while the least liked teams are U-turned," reminded Ganondorf.

"Or the biggest threats to the U-turners." added Mewtwo.

"Who cares who was the best and who wasn't? All that matters is we made it, right?" smiled Falcon.

Falcon was galled into silence as the other five racers angrily glared at him.

"We are now ready to escort the first team," said the same guard from earlier.

"That would be us!" exclaimed Ganondorf, hopping up and walking past everyone else, but not before turning back and adding, "See you guys at the finish line!"

The father and son & the twins both glared angrily at the backs of the frats as they were escorted towards the militarized base.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
1st to Depart; 12:55 PM_

"Welcome to Tanuki Groundbase, my name is Vincent Norris and I'm the installation commander!" said the commander, walking up to shake their hands. "Me and my armed units will be escorting you throughout the base!"

Ganondorf shook the commander's hand.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just take us to the next clue already," said Falcon impatiently, looking back behind him at the other two teams every few seconds.

"He didn't mean that-" snapped Ganondorf, kicking Falcon "-He said that as a joke!"

Falcon rolled his eyes.

"Both of you are expected to follow the Carson law to the letter, neither of you are allowed to speak of what you see while touring this base," said one of the nearby escort guards in a gruff manner. "Otherwise... we would... we would have to kill you."

"Pssh, yeah right." smirked Falcon.

"Follow me, we must first go through the decontamination chambers if we are to proceed inside..." Commander Norris led them onto a pad which lowered them into a secret floor of the base.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Will we be taking the same path as them throughout the base?" asked Snake, pointing at the frats.

"Nope." replied one of the nearby guards from earlier.

"Damn, then I guess this tracking device I placed on Ganondorf from earlier when everyone else was distracted is _pointless_!" screamed Snake angrily, throwing down the Dart gun.

As soon as it hit the ground, the guards began disinfecting it.

"Don't worry about the frat boys, we'll catch up to them before it's all over," said Roy ominously.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Wow, Snake has really gone off the deep end from all the pressure this leg!" observed Mewtwo from a distance, not wanting to get anywhere near the racer. "Even the simplest things are really setting him off right now..."

"I dare you to go and ask him if he supports Stem cell research," dared Lucario.

"What is wrong with you?! That's like I would be asking to die!" said Mewtwo nervously.

"Double-dog dare you." replied Lucario.

"Dude, we both know that the Snakes are extremist conservatives, quit trying to make me do stupid things to get me ki-"

"Triple-dog dare you." replied Lucario.

"Quit interrupting me! I'm not going to ask him, okay?"

"_Quadruple_-dog dare you." replied Lucario.

"For my honor!" yelled Mewtwo, running to go ask Snake if he supported Stem cell research.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"...And this is where we study the anatomy of humans!" finished the scientist.

"They're not still alive when you test on them, are they?" laughed Falcon nervously.

Screaming and chainsaw noises could be heard from the other side of a nearby door.

"Of course not," said the scientist, smiling weakly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2nd to Depart; 1:00 PM_

"Both of you are expected to follow the Carson law to the letter, so neither of you are allowed to speak of what you see while touring this installation," said the guard from before.

"Whatever, just hurry up and escort us to the next clue." said Lucario.

"You know, you should really have more enthusiasm about this tour... we're one of the only civilians ever to lay eyes on the inside of the world's most secretive military base," chided Mewtwo angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"Help me, Help me!" sobbed a ragged man, hugging Ganondorf's leg.

Men in white uniforms and headmasks came and took the man away.

"That was... the local psychopath?" laughed the installation commander weakly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

The twins casually walked past a wall riddled with bullet holes.

"And this is where-"

"Shut up," stated Lucario, outpacing the escort.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"You've got to be kidding me," said Roy, "I can't believe we could even lose to these stupid teams and their pathetic pagan gods!"

"Actually, I think they're the same religion as us," observed Snake, "At least the frats appear to be..."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 1st Place_

"And this is the gravity test chamber!" explained the scientist, opening a nearby door.

They looked inside and saw various aliens chained to cages.

...

"Uh... sorry, this was the wrong room," chuckled the installation commander, opening the second door, "..._This_ is the gravity test chamber!"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"So if we just keep following the markers, we'll eventually get to the clue, right?" asked Lucario.

The escort opened his mouth.

"Shut up," said Lucario, "I'll figure it out on my own."

_Roy and Snake  
Last to Depart; 1:05 PM_

"We need to double-time it now, the detour has to be really close now, and following it should be the final task so we can't fall behind now!" predicted Roy, jogging inside the base.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Maybe we should just leave the touring facility already," Falcon observed, checking his watch. "The other two teams are going to pass us at this rate!"

"Alright, follow me right this way," said the installation commander, opening a door only to be grabbed by an alien's tentacles and eaten alive.

Falcon and Ganondorf stared at the open doorway, bewildered.

The alien roared as it continued eating the commander's corpse.

"That was quite a feral noise," observed Ganondorf.

"Indeed," agreed Falcon, nodding his head.

"Do you even know what a feral noise is?" asked Ganondorf.

"Of course I do, a ferrell noise is that sounds like something Will Ferrell would be able to make!" grinned Falcon.

"...You're an idiot." concluded Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"Next time we run into the twins or those damned frats, I'll be ready for them..." cackled Snake evilly, raising his MK-23.

"We're free to act as we want, this is the grand ould finale..." recapped Roy, following after his son.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1st Place_

"We did it," panted Lucario minutes later, having reached the exit of the maze-like secret base, approaching the clue box. "Take the clue!"

Mewtwo ran forward and took the clue, ripping it open with his mind. "Detour! Conspiracy Cover-Up, or Assassination Shoot-Up?"

_"Detour! This is a choice between two separate tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In the __**final**__ detour for this race, teams must choose Conspiracy Cover-Up or Assassination Shoot-Up!"_

_"In Conspiracy Cover-Up, teams must accompany three undercover agents to nearby communities and help cover up any signs of government activities or possible extraterrestrial life forms! Once they have accomplished this, one of the agents will hand them their next clue!"_

_"In Assassination Shoot-Up, teams have to assassinate one of three corrupt local politicians by any means necessary! This may sound incredibly illegal, but that's because it is, meaning teams can still be charged for manslaughter by the local law if caught! Teams who are not skilled in the work of a hit man might find this task to be quite difficult!" _

"Finally, we've reached the detour!" exclaimed Lucario. "The final task must be very close by!"

"I'm pretty sure we're in the lead so if we can just pace ourselves like we are doing, then we should come in first fairly easily!" observed Mewtwo. "I wonder what task we should do, though?"

"Definitely Assassination Shoot-Up," smiled Lucario menacingly. "...Except you can play the part of the corrupt politician."

Mewtwo shifted uncomfortably from side to side, smiling awkwardly at the camera.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Great, now what are we supposed to do? The installation commander guy is dead!" complained Falcon.

"I know, and the base is really confusing," sighed Ganondorf. "I guess we should try to find our way out of here, then."

"Falcon run!" yelled Falcon, breaking off into a sprint.

"Why is everything centered around you? Falcon jump, Falcon run..." questioned Ganondorf, following after him. "Why no _Ganon_?"

"Pssh, Falcon fits better, bro." shrugged Falcon.

"Well if you can do it..." mused Ganondorf, performing a Falcon jump.

He was immediately sued for plagiarism. And so can you, children! Don't steal stuff.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"Do you hear something?" asked Snake, immediately turning around and cocking an M10 before firing several times at a nearby wall.

The two of them stared at the nearby wall for several seconds.

"Hmm, guess it must have been my imagination," mused Snake.

"...Maybe I should carry the weapons bag..." lamented Roy, noticing the charred bullet holes on the wall.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"Dude we are like so lost right now." said Falcon exhaustedly, the lack of sleep finally starting to show.

"It feels like we've been racing for so long, I can't even remember what life was like before we went on this show..." panted Ganondorf, sweating.

Somewhere in a small community college in Texas, a teenager smiled.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"I could have sworn we had passed this wall before," observed Roy tiredly.

A mouse ran in front of Roy and his son.

"DIE, YOU FACIST BASTARD!" yelled Snake, pulling out an AK-47 and shooting the mouse repeatedly.

"How many weapons did you even buy?" asked Roy incredulously.

"Not very many," replied Snake, cleaning a SPAS-12.

"Oh. Well anyways, I think we're lost." noticed Roy.

"What makes you say that?" asked Snake, testing out a silenced MP5K.

"Probably because we've passed this same wall you blew up about five times now?" guessed Roy.

"Well maybe we should leave like a trail behind us so we know where we're going..." suggested Snake, cocking his Famas.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING ALL THESE GUNS?!" screamed Roy.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"You're allowed to use any weapons, and any means. Just don't be caught by the local authorities, or we won't be able to save you." explained a nearby Koopa.

"Is there anything else you should tell us?" asked Mewtwo.

"Yes, I forgot to mention... you're also going to want to wear bullet proof vests or something to that effect, the politicians are going to probably have bodyguards or something..." muttered the Koopa.

"Just tell us if we're first place already!" yelled a drunken Lucario, beating the random Koopa with an empty beer can.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"I think I can see light coming from this doorway!" said Falcon excitedly, opening another door.

Bio-luminescent termites poured out of the room.

"The more I see of this hellhole, the less I want to know how much is really going on," sighed Ganondorf, shaking his head.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"HIYAH!" screamed Snake, bashing a door open for no reason.

"Whatever happened to that brilliant idea you had involving the trail of belongings behind so we know where we've been?" asked Roy angrily from behind.

"No good... all we have with us is the water supply and these guns..." muttered Snake quietly, shooting several failed experiments.

"Next chance I get, I'm shipping you back to Afghanistan..." whispered Roy from behind Snake's back.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Let's take this weapon," said Mewtwo, cackling as he lifted up the Barrett 50 Cal.

"That thing's loud as hell, we would be caught for sure!" chastised Lucario, kicking away the weapon.

"Yeah, but we wouldn't even have to travel all the way to the politician's house or anything, we could kill him from about three miles away or so. The range on this weapon is phenomenal!" explained Mewtwo.

...

"Go pick up that weapon you idiot, I knew it was a good idea to begin with!" yelled Lucario arrogantly.

The viewing audience applauded at the extremely original joke.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Dude we are like so lost right now," sighed Ganondorf, rubbing the weariness from his eyes.

"To be completely honest with you, I have no idea where I'm going," admitted Falcon. "I wish I did, but I really don't..."

"I really don't want those crazy conservative radicalist soldiers to win... Over the course of the race they've gotten more and more annoying and I don't think I would be able to tolerate them winning the million dollars," revealed Ganondorf.

"Amen broski," nodded Falcon.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"I can't stand the very thought of those bothersome frat brothers winning that million dollars, they didn't even deserve to get into the final three," ranted Roy, running ahead of his son.

"Better them than the students," lamented Snake.

"True," admitted Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2nd Place_

"I think I can see light!" said Falcon with enthusiasm.

"The last time you said that, an army of bio-luminescent insects appeared," complained Ganondorf.

"I'm serious this time!" said Falcon. "See the light over there?"

They ran out one of the back entrances of the Tanuki ground base and ran up to the clue box.

"Oh, we made it out of there! I'm so overjoyed, man!" cheered Ganondorf, running out of the exit and making a run for the clue box.

"If we hurry we might still be able to catch up to anybody who could have pulled ahead!" added Falcon, reaching the clue box first and pulling out the clue. "Detour! Conspiracy Cover-Up, or Assassination Shoot-Up?"

"Assassination Shoot-Up, definitely," smirked Ganondorf. "We're gonna go out with a bang!"

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Alright, that's it, give me this!" yelled Roy, snatching the SPAS-12 from Snake's hands and throwing it on the ground.

"What are you doing?" asked Snake, mildly surprised.

"We're leaving a trail behind us... with the guns. We're gonna lose if we keep running in circles like this." said Roy through gritted teeth.

"Why don't you just use the bullet shells instead?" suggested Snake wisely.

Roy looked as if he was about to explode.

...

"Daddy?" said Snake in a cute baby voice.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Now that we have our weapon of choice, we now have to exit this canyon and find a good cliffside near the edge of the town and find out where the politician's house is!" explained Mewtwo, gripping the Barrett 50 Cal. and walking out of the tent.

"Finally a task worth doing," said Lucario, a mischievous gleam in his eye.

They both walked out of the tent.

"Let's go see if we can find where we parked our car, we still have to drive to the nearest sniping point..." decided Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

The frat boys ran inside the tent about four minutes later.

"This must be where we choose our weaponry," mused Falcon.

"Pssh, we don't need any of this stuff. We could kill the guy with nothing but poison!" boasted Ganondorf.

"Challenge accepted," smirked Falcon, holding up the poison and signing their names down.

"Um... I was kidding..." said Ganondorf.

...

"Oh what time is it, by the way?" asked Falcon.

"1:59 pm," replied Ganondorf.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Pre-leg Interview_

"Me and Ganon here pre-ordered two tickets to go see The Avengers in the local Smashville theater, at 6:55 pm today. So I guess in a way, even if we don't win the million dollars we still get to see the biggest blockbuster of the year so yeah we're pretty excited," grinned Falcon, giving a thumbs up to the camera.

"We've heard it's been sold out at every single showing so far, so we want to finish this leg as soon as possible and go get good seats before we don't have any open spots at all," explained Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"You've got to be kidding me," fumed Roy, noticing the trail of weaponry they came across. "We've already been here?!"

"Well, you did take three right turns..." shrugged Snake, throwing a grenade repeatedly in the air and catching it.

Roy took the grenade and threw it in anger.

The nearby wall exploded on contact, and revealed an escape ladder.

"Sweet," smiled Snake, walking up to the ladder and beginning the ascent upwards.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Alright, the plan is that you get the guy to stay in place, and _**I**_ get to pull the trigger," cackled Lucario evilly, driving eagerly back to town... in their complimentary sports car from earlier.

"You do realize that you're going to be the one charged with a thirty-years' sentence in prison, right?" reminded Mewtwo, annoyed.

"Yeah well... uh... you'll be... charged for... assisting me," retorted Lucario.

"Yes, but I would have a two-year sentence," explained Mewtwo.

...

"On second thought... I'll get the guy to stay in place, and _**you**_ get to pull the trigger," decided Lucario.

"But won't you get to miss the fun of venting all your stress from the race and the possibility of losing breathing down your neck by killing a corrupt businessman?" asked Mewtwo, hiding a smile.

Lucario looked torn between getting his brother placed in jail and getting to kill someone for free.

In fact, he was so lost in thought over the predicament, he drove their car ran straight into a tree.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"We're making our way back to our car, we parked somewhere up on that ledge," mused Ganondorf. "Who knows what place we're in? We haven't seen another team since we left them behind on that base tour..."

"This is so tense, we could be in any place by now!" said Falcon, scaling a nearby rock.

"Do you hear voices?" asked Ganondorf, cocking his head to one side.

Both frats stopped to listen.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"I can't believe we just survived that head-on collision with that tree," coughed Mewtwo, a small branch impaled in his side.

"Oh, so after numerous attempts of us surviving impossible feats for eleven other legs you act as if it's no big deal, but when we live through one little car crash it's all so amazing?" asked Lucario angrily, limping away from the car after his brother.

Mewtwo stopped speaking, hoping his brother would drop the subject and forget about it. Lucario however, didn't seem to let it slide.

"I mean, it's all so damn inconsistent... Is asking for a little continuity so much to ask for? I'm so sick of this race, I'm so sick of listening to your whiny voice," ranted Lucario endlessly. "And I'm especially sick of the way you insist on making me look like an idiot-"

"-I haven't done anythi-" Mewtwo stopped himself, realizing he would just set his brother off again.

"There you go again, whining how nothing is your fault. Who's fault is it supposed to be? My fault?" yelled Lucario angrily.

Mewtwo sighed and took the branch out of his side, trying to outpace his brother.

"Where are you going, anyways? What about the car?" asked Lucario.

"I'm going to stand alongside the road and wave down a driver, maybe we could get a mechanic to check up on our vehicle..." said Mewtwo, coming to a stop.

"Whatever, I guess I'll check up on the sports car then," muttered Lucario, limping back to their car.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Do those voices sound familiar to you?" asked Ganondorf.

"Nahh, probably two tourists who got lost around here," shrugged Falcon casually.

"I guess you're right," lamented Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"Any minute now, and we should be out of here..." muttered Roy optimistically, more to calm himself than Snake.

They continued climbing the ladder._**  
**_  
_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

Mewtwo flagged down an oncoming car, and wiped his brow as he leaned against the car, commenting, "Man, its hot here! Do you think you could help us get our car all fixed up?"

"Sure thing, I used to be a mechanic back when I was younger," nodded the cat driver, unbuckling his seat belt and walking out of the car up to Lucario and the beaten sports car.

"I think the problem is the carburetor..." suggested Mewtwo. "It's making all these weird noises every time I try to start the engine."

"I don't think that's what's keeping the car from starting, the only problem I can really see from here is your front left tire is missing." pointed out the cat.

"Why the hell should we trust your word over ours? What are you, some kind of mechanic?" asked Lucario.

"Alright, if you really don't need my help then I can just lea-"

"I was kidding! Sheesh! Don't take everything so seriously!" said Lucario desperately, gripping the cat.

The cat went back to work, as Lucario and Mewtwo began conversing from behind his back.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"I'm hearing more voices." panted Falcon, scaling up the rocky terrain near the twins. "Should we keep going or walk towards the voices?"

"Nahh, let's walk around. It's not like we're missing anything important or something!" laughed Ganondorf casually, stepping over another rock.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Hey cat guy, would you happen to know where a really good sniping spot would be?" asked Mewtwo.

"Don't ask him that, you idiot! How the hell is he supposed to know something like tha-" began Lucario.

"Actually," laughed the cat, "The nearest sniping ledge is a good mile away from here."

"Gee, thanks man! You've been really helpful to us and you've asked for nothing in return!" exclaimed Lucario. "How could we ever repay you?"

"Oh nothing much," smirked the cat. "Just both of your souls being sold to Satan."

Mewtwo and Lucario stared at him.

"Haha, I'm just kidding you guys! That'd be pretty messed up though, if I had purposely placed that tree there in order for you guys to wreck, and ending up to where you owed me both of your souls..." said the cat creepily, smiling uncomfortably. "Yes... very messed up indeed..."

Both brothers slowly started backing away from the cat.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_  
_  
_"Maybe you should stop leaving a trail of weapons?" asked Snake, as they walked away from the base, "The clue box is right over there?"

He pointed to said clue box, five yards away.

Roy simply ignored him and placed down a silenced MP5K with multiple attachments, then took the last clue.

"Can I get my weapons back now?" asked Snake, his weapons bag considerably lighter.

"Shut up," grunted Roy, ripping open the clue. "Detour! Conspiracy Cover-Up or Assassination Shoot-Up?"

"Assassination Shoot-Up," smirked Snake. "I'm a trained murderer..."

They didn't even bother to go into the armory tent, walking straight past it.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Quick, hide the sniper rifle before the cat mechanic notices!" whispered Lucario, "We forgot to hide it before letting him check the car!"

They both looked at the Barrett 50 Cal., which was sitting neatly in the passenger's seat.

Lucario quickly sidled next to the right side of the car and took the sniper rifle.

The cat looked up and saw Lucario hiding the Barrett behind his back.

"Very nice piece of weaponry there. What do you need that thing for, though?" he asked.

"Um... we're using it to... hunt ducks..." said Mewtwo.

"Very smart, very smart. I hear there's an overpopulation of ducks in Lakewood Forest, maybe once I'm done working on the car you could drive there. ...Assuming I haven't killed you by that time." smirked the cat.

Mewtwo and Lucario laughed awkwardly and shifted from side to side.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Look out for the banana peel," warned Falcon.

Ganondorf heard the warning too late, and tripped on the banana peel.

"...That was random," said Ganondorf.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Oh no... the gas is leaking out..." said the cat, shocked.

"Oh my gosh are you serious?" gasped Mewtwo, looking bewildered.

"Nahh, I'm just messing with you. I'm also done with the car." added the cat.

"Oh thank you so much Mr. Cat guy, you have no idea how much this means to us! We're in this race, see, and-"

"Don't explain it to him, we don't have time." reminded Lucario.

Mewtwo hugged the cat, gave him a handful of money and hopped in the driver's seat.

"What's your name anyways, pal?" asked Lucario, shaking the cat's hand graciously before walking into the car and getting in the side seat.

"The name's Rover, and thanks for the money even though I didn't want it!" called out Rover, waving goodbye to the twins as they drove off back towards the town.

"Maybe I should have asked if they knew where Lakewood Forest was... If I don't hurry I might end up being late to that smashy race finale thing the whole town is talking about." sighed Rover.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"I see our car just up ahead!" smirked Ganondorf, "I knew if we kept to the side of the road we'd make it back eventually!"

"Let's make a stop at a fast food place on the way to that guy's house, I'm starved." smiled Falcon, making a run for the car.

"Do you think we're in last place?" asked Ganondorf wearily.

"Well I sure hope we're not," admitted Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Keep following this road and we should find Lovers' peak." explained Lucario. "Then from there we can get a good view of the rest of the town and we can find this guy."

"What does he even look like? Did they give us any identification?" asked Mewtwo.

"Just this one picture." said Lucario, handing him the photo.

"Wow, he looks like a real monster." said Mewtwo, looking at the picture of the dog businessman.

"The sooner we take him out, the sooner we get to that final task. It should be appearing very shortly after we finish this detour, and after the final task we have the finish line. All we have to do is make sure we keep the other two teams from catching up and we'll win the million, easy as that." Lucario smiled as he added, "We've won three legs already, so what's going to stop us from winning a fourth?"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Well, we've reached our complimentary sports car!" said Ganondorf, hopping in the driver's seat.

"Shotgun!" called out Falcon.

"The only people even here is you and me." said Ganondorf, looking exasperated as he started the car.

"Just in case," said Falcon shiftily.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"We haven't seen another team in so long, we could be in either dead-last or somewhere in first place," commented Roy as he and his son sprinted up the mountainside.

"HI-YAHHH" screamed Snake, mowing down mountain goats in their path with a stream of bullets.

They ran through the multiple corpses, goat blood spraying all over them as Snake repeatedly shot the goats as they ran by, just for the hell of it.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Three miles to go." reported Mewtwo, pointing to a nearby sign.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"We can't seem to find our car..." muttered Snake to nobody in particular. "Perhaps we should torture one of those locals over there for information on our exfil's location?!"

Roy screamed, "How... the hell... are locals going to know where our car is? We didn't even park anywhere near here!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Quick, what's the time?" asked Falcon excitedly.

"2:28 pm," explained Ganondorf. "Maybe you should stop asking."

"Maybe instead of me stopping to ask... you should be driving _faster_," said Falcon shiftily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Do you think there'll be a porta-potty where we're going?" asked Mewtwo.

"What are you asking a question like that for?" asked Lucario. "On second thought, don't answer that."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Okay now what time is it?" asked Falcon.

"2:31." responded Ganondorf. "Now stop asking me."

"Alright, I'll stop." sighed Falcon.

_Roy and Snake  
Pre-leg Interview_

"My plan is to get the other two teams so scared to double-cross me, that they won't even dare to walk in front of me while I'm in first." explained Snake menacingly, using a chair as target practice as he spoke.

"Why do you keep referring to our team as a singular person?" asked Roy angrily.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Okay, we're finally here!" smiled Mewtwo, parking the car and hopping out.

"I'll get the sniper rifle," commented Lucario, grabbing the Barrett 50 Cal. and following his brother up the cliff side.

"Alright, I'll make the phone call conversation and you snipe the guy in his face." explained Lucario once they reached the top of the peak.

"Oh no you don't, I see exactly what you're trying to do! Well it isn't going to work. You snipe him in his face, and I'll make the phone call!" argued Mewtwo.

"There is no way I'm killing that dude, what if I get sued?"

"You're worried about being sued for killing someone?" asked Mewtwo incredulously. "What about jail time for murder? Or the guilt of murdering someone? And you're only concerned about being sued?"

"Hey man, I don't want to lose any more money than I already do by supporting your ass in school," replied Lucario angrily.

"Oh shut up, mother pays for both of our tuitions for college and you know it!" yelled Mewtwo furiously.

"You mean _my_ mother," smirked Lucario evilly.

Mewtwo pounced on Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"We should be coming up on Lovers' peak any minute now." announced Falcon to nobody in particular.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

Mewtwo had started gripping Lucario by his throat and was just starting to slam him against the ground when Falcon and Ganondorf's sports car drove past them.

"Was that one of the other two..." sputtered Mewtwo.

Lucario nodded somberly.

They quickly got up off the ground and both manned the phone and the sniper rifle.

"What was his number? What was his number?!" asked Mewtwo in alarm.

"It was on the picture that they gave us!" replied Lucario, honing the scope.

"Where did we put the photo?!" asked Mewtwo.

"It's back in the car!" yelled Lucario, loading the gun.

Mewtwo dove for the car, got the picture and looked at the number.

"It only gave me nine of the digits, what was the last one?" asked Mewtwo anxiously.

"Three, I think it was!" replied Lucario, aiming down the scope.

"How will you know which one is him? You can barely tell who is who, everyone is so far away!" queried Mewtwo.

"Hurry up and call him! If he's outside and I see him pick up the phone then that must mean it's him!" explained Lucario.

Mewtwo dialed the number and listened to the sound of the ringing phone.

"_Hello?_" asked the number on the opposite line.

"Keep him busy, I can see some figure in the distance who picked up the phone!" cackled Lucario evilly, gripping the trigger.

* * *

_Meanwhile, five miles away..._

"Look, can you make the call quick? I have to leave really soon," explained Quinn McIntosh, standing outside an abandoned house.

"_Oh it'll be real quick_," smirked the caller. "_You're not gonna feel a thing..._"

"Um... okay?" laughed Quinn nervously. "Look, is this a prank call or something? I don't have any time for this kind of nonse-"

"_Come on, fire already!_"

"_I can't, the trigger is stuck!_"

"Okay, hanging up now you weirdo," laughed Quinn nervously, ending the call.

* * *

"He ended the call already!" said Mewtwo angrily. "The little bitch hung up on me! BLAST HIS GOD-BE-DAMNED HEAD OFF!"

Lucario fired the gun, the force of the gun so powerful that both him and the gun flew backwards off the peak.

"I can't believe you missed him," moaned Mewtwo desperately, noticing the figure running into the abandoned house.

"He didn't kill the target?" asked the cameraman. "I thought he took him out..."

"What? Wait... I mean... of course he killed him... of course we completed the task..." said Mewtwo shiftily, noticing the golden opportunity.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Completed Detour task_

"Then I guess here's your next clue..." shrugged the cameraman, handing them the next clue.

"We're done, we finished the task Lucario! We can move along now!" smiled Mewtwo, waving the clue.

Lucario was too busy being unconscious from the force of the rifle to pay attention to what his brother was saying.

"Make your way to North side Smashville, to the Lakewood Forest district just north of downtown Smashville!" read Mewtwo aloud.

_"Teams must now make their way to Lakewood Forest, one of the northern districts towns of Smashville! Once teams have arrived here, they must find K.K. Slider, the local celebrity of the town, who will give them their next clue!" explained Koopa._

"Let's hurry and make our way to Lakewood Forest, I think we're in first place!" smiled Mewtwo.

Lucario was too busy being unconscious from the force of the rifle to pay attention to what his brother was saying.

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

"Oh man, this place is really whacked out, I better get out of here before someone finds me here..." muttered Quinn, making his way out of town. "Just when I had thought I was safe, too..."

* * *

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" asked Ganondorf, driving.

"This is a one-way road…" explained Falcon, looking perplexed.

"I'm just making sure there's no margin for error," reasoned Ganondorf as he drove.

"How is there room for error when we're on a one-way road heading straight to the destination intended?" asked Falcon.

"You never know," said Ganondorf, wide-eyed.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Looks like we've found our car," said Snake smugly to nobody in particular.

"For a moment there I actually thought we were out of the final footrace…" breathed Roy in relief as he got inside the car.

"Alrighty, you get the map out and I'll take the wheel!" smiled Snake, getting in the driver's seat.

As Roy began pulling out the map, Snake pulled out a section of the car covering and began messing with the wires underneath.

"What the hell are you doing?!" asked Roy confusedly.

"Starting the car," explained Snake as he smiled innocently.

"Why are you hotwiring the car then?" queried Roy exasperatedly.

"Because this is the only way I was taught how to start a car, okay?" cried Snake.

"Use the key in the ignition." said Roy.

Snake impaled the steering wheel with the key.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, who do we have to find according to the clue?" asked Mewtwo, driving at breakneck speeds.

"K.K. Slider or something," responded Lucario. "Step on it, man, we can't let whoever that was who passed us up earlier beat us there! This is definitely the final stretch so we can't slack off now!"

"Who do you think it was?" wondered Mewtwo. "The frats, or the father and son?"

"The frats, definitely. They were ahead of us before, but we must have beaten them to that spot because we had to complete the task from a distance but still be within range."

"Think what you will, I'm convinced it was the father and son. They probably had been tailing us the whole time since we've left them back at that military base!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Okay, just another two miles and we'll be there." explained Falcon.

"We have no idea what place we're in so we can't stop now!" exclaimed Ganondorf. "Punch it!"

"Hey speaking of stopping now, which is the last thing we would want to do, which is what we're trying to avoid so we can make it to the premiere, what time is it?" asked Falcon eagerly.

Ganondorf warlock punched him in the face.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"We need instructions to get back to the town." explained Roy.

"We can just ask the prisoner I captured earlier!" grinned Snake, opening the trunk of the taxi and dragging out an unconscious, tied-up Pit.

"Damn it Snake, I told you to release him like twenty pages back!" yelled Roy angrily.

"Pages?" asked Snake confused.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"There, there's the other sports car!" shouted Mewtwo directly in Lucario's face.

"Hey asshole, mind yelling not in my ear?" growled Lucario, accidentally swerving. "And I saw them before you even pointed them out."

"Can you try to overpass them?" queried Mewtwo anxiously.

"Look I'm doing the best I can, okay? This is only a two-lane road we're on and they could probably slam us into that rock wall to the left if we aren't careful!" explained Lucario.

Mewtwo grit his teeth in desperation, feeling helpless as he watched his brother desperately try to pass up the other team.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"What the heck is that guy's problem?" asked Falcon, annoyed by the twins' antics.

"I have no idea. I'm just going to keep on driving like this though," decided Ganondorf, upon continuing to drive recklessly.

They continued driving recklessly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"How are we going to pass these guys if they're going to persist in steering recklessly?" stated Mewtwo irritably.

"You couldn't have just said 'driving recklessly'?" asked Lucario, annoyed.

"Besides," continued Mewtwo, pretending as if he didn't hear his brother, "We have about one good hour before nightfall!"

"It's 3:59 pm, dumbass." explained Lucario. "Quit trying to find an excuse to get us there faster than we already are!"

"But we need to pass these guys," complained Mewtwo.

"How many times do I have to tell you? If we try to pass them at all, they'll slam us straight into that rock wall to the left and we'll both die instantly!" yelled Lucario, tailing right behind the sports car in front.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Okay, just take a right up ahead and we should be there in just a few!" explained Falcon, pointing to the gravel road ahead breaking off to the right.

"If only the guys behind us would stop trying to pass us…" sighed Ganondorf, rapidly losing whatever amusement he formerly saw in blocking the car behind them from moving on.

"Wait a second… that car behind us… it looks like… it looks like one of the cars we were given to choose from at the start!" gasped Falcon.

"What are you babbling about?" asked Ganondorf, already annoyed.

"You know, how we got to choose between three types of sports cars?" reminded Falcon. "We chose the-"

"The Ferrari," remembered Ganondorf. "But who chose the Audi?"

They looked back at the Audi R8 behind them with anxiety.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Dude, we _need_ to pass them." repeated Mewtwo.

"Gee, thanks for the update man, I had no clue," said Lucario sarcastically. "Where would I be without you to point out the most blatantly obvious?"

"How did I ever put up with you before I signed up for this race?" wondered Mewtwo aloud, angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

The frat boys made the right turn off the Cliffside road, and headed down the small rocky path leading back to north Smashville.

"Speed up so we can't give whomever it is a chance to overcome us!" advised Falcon.

They sped up to dangerous speeds, quickly leaving the other sports car behind.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You have to speed up, we can't lose them!" reminded Mewtwo urgently, tapping the dashboard from nervousness.

Lucario pretended as if he didn't hear him and sped up after the Ferrari.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"The Audi sports car is driving alongside us," observed Ganondorf, keeping his eyes on the road as he glanced every so often to the right.

"Hey roll down my window, I have an idea!" smiled Falcon.

"Why can't you roll it down yourself?" asked Ganondorf.

"Because someone forgot to turn off child-lock." Falcon explained hastily, before adding, "But that's not the point. Unroll the window, broseph, I have a plan to keep us in the lead!"

Ganondorf unrolled the window, as Falcon took out a brick from Ganondorf's backpack.

"Hey jerk-offs! _Suck on this!_" yelled Falcon, throwing the brick at the other sports car.

"Was that brick in my pa-"Falcon pulled out another brick, "-Were those _bricks_ in my pack the whole time?!" asked Ganondorf incredulously.

"That doesn't matter right now, what matters is we kick this team's ass!" yelled Falcon, continuing to pull more bricks out of his team mate's pack.

"Dude, you're telling me that for this whole race I've been carrying a gangland of bricks in my backpack?" said Ganondorf, shocked. "This explains like, so many things!"

"Well I had to put them somewhere until we got to the finale, right?" shrugged Falcon pulling out and throwing yet another brick.

"How many did you even store in there?" objected Ganondorf, looking into his bag for more bricks.

"Oh, quit whining, at least you'll feel lighter now with all the bricks gone, right?" mused Falcon.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"We're finally on the road, and we ditched the hostage on the side of the road!" revealed Snake light-heartedly, driving their race complimentary Corvette.

"Follow this road along the Cliffside until you come across a fork in the road, then take a right." instructed Roy, holding the map.

"At this rate we should be there in no time!" said Snake, driving just barely above the speed limit.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We overcame those guys, but at a major cost," simpered Lucario, noticing the huge dents in the side of their sports car.

"Oh come on, if we min the million we could buy like three of these!" said Mewtwo exasperatedly. "We're lucky neither of us got hit by those objects."

They slowed down to turn into the nearby abandoned parking lot, then parked their car.

"We're finally back in the town. That K.K. Slider dude should be somewhere very close by, so keep an eye out for the guy in that picture." explained Lucario.

"Did it say where he's going to be located?" questioned Mewtwo.

"No, it doesn't. That figures. Anyways, we should probably ask around town about this guy and we should be able to find him from there." suggested Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Why did they stop?" wondered Ganondorf.

"Who cares why they stopped, keep driving to that one guy's house!" insisted Falcon.

Ganondorf drove past both twins as they prepared to cross the street.

"You didn't attempt to run them over? What is wrong with you?" said Falcon, shocked.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Do you think we're in first?" asked Snake.

"Why do you keep asking me that?" said Roy. "And how the hell would I know anymore?"

"But… but I thought… I thought parents knew everything!" said Snake, horrified.

"Sorry you have to hear this, kiddo, but we actually don't know anything." revealed Roy as he folded up the map and put it in his backpack.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We never saw which team that was," pointed out Mewtwo. "If I had to hazard a guess as to whom it were, I'd say it was the frats."

"As if, those two can't find anything worth **CENSORED**," smirked Lucario. "It was Roy and his punk son."

"Yeah, well, we'll see soon enough." said Mewtwo, shrugging.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

Ganondorf explained to Falcon, as he kept his eyes on the road, "His house is just down this street."

"Yeah but what color is the house, brony?" questioned Falcon.

"That one red house." said Ganondorf.

"'_That one red house_' doesn't exactly cover that much ground when it comes to specifications," lamented Falcon, noticing that all the houses were a dull red.

"Fine then it's the one with the chimney on top." specified Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Did you check to see if there were any faster routes?" asked Snake.

"Yeah I did, and there aren't any other routes to our destination apart from this one. So looks like we're stuck on this road until then." said Roy.

"Damn it all." cursed Snake, venting his rage on the gas pedal. If you know what I mean.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Excuse me good sir, but have you ever seen this man before?" asked Lucario, holding up a picture to a nearby local.

"Are you kidding me? That's K.K. Slider. You would be hard-pressed to find somebody who doesn't know who he is!" exclaimed the local.

"Okay, that's good! Now where is he located?" queried Mewtwo.

"How should I know? The guy's a celebrity though so he shouldn't that hard to find." shrugged the local.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Okay, here's the plan: we approach his front door with our guns concealed by these brown packages. Then when he answers the door, we shoot the hell out of him!" said Ganondorf.

"But what if our weapons aren't silenced?" asked Falcon, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh. Well… crap, I didn't think of that. Okay, how about this? We say we're door-to-door salesmen and we ask to go inside his house to sell him some product. Then we beat him to death with something." said Ganondorf, ringing the doorbell.

"Why the hell did you just ring the doorbell? You couldn't have waited to emphasize on your master plan some more?" asked Falcon exasperatedly.

"Well I kind of did it subconsciously," admitted Ganondorf ashamedly.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Another four miles," read Roy lazily off of a nearby road sign.

"I believe that is a speed limit sign," observed Snake.

"I improvised the 'four miles' part." shrugged Roy.

"That was essentially the whole sentence though…" simpered Snake.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Excuse me, but do you know where this man is?" asked Mewtwo to a local.

The local turned around.

"What the- What are you doing here?" said Mewtwo shocked.

"I could be asking you the same thing," said Victor Fox, also looking surprised. "Why is it that everywhere I go, you people seem to follow?"

Mewtwo shrugged. "Look, I don't have time for this. We're still in the race. Have you seen this one guy called K.K. Slider?"

"Actually yes, but the last time I saw him he wasn't even in Smashville." sighed Victor.

"What do you mean?" asked Mewtwo.

"It was at some concert," emphasized Victor.

"Why did you have to answer that so cryptically? Why couldn't you have just said no?" asked Mewtwo, annoyed.

"What's with the question, anyways?" asked Victor, pretending he didn't hear what Mewtwo said.

"Yeah, well we're kind of still in the race, and-"

"You're _still_ racing? Dude, the last time I saw you was like 2 years ago." said Victor.

"Yeah man I know, the breaks in between are like insanely long," sighed Mewtwo, feeling tired at the thought of how long the race had already taken.

"But to answer your question, no I haven't seen him." said Victor. He glanced down at his wrist. "Yes, well, this has been a nice little reunion we've had here, but I really must be going or I'll be late for an appointment in south Smashville."

"Goodbye." said Mewtwo curtly.

"See you later." said Victor as he walked away. "Don't like die, or anything. Or do. Whatever, I don't care."

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

The door opened and a man appeared. "May I help you?"

"Excuse me, sir, but are you mister…-" Ganondorf looked down at the card in his hand "-… Lichtenstein?"

"Oh no," laughed the man. "I'm only one of his many bodyguards."

Ganondorf and Falcon glanced at each other nervously.

"Why do you wish to see Master Lichtenstein?" asked the man.

"Oh… we just wanted to sell him some surfboards…" said Falcon meekly, noticing the gun half-hidden in the man's holster.

"Wait for just one moment, I shall tell Master Lichtenstein." The man closed the door and retreated further inside the mansion.

"Dude, we are so screwed," whispered Ganondorf, sweating profusely.

"Did you see the size of that guy's gun? It was as big as my hand!" whispered back Falcon.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"We have just another two miles or so to go and then we should be in Lakewood," said Roy optimistically. "We might just be able to catch up to anyone we had fallen behind due to the incident back at the military base…"

"We can't lose… not after everything we've been through…" said Snake through gritted teeth.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"You won't believe who I just ran into over at the café, I sa-"

"Whatever you want to say isn't as important as what I have to say." said Lucario. "I found where that K.K. Slider guy is, he's in front of the local train station near the billboard. Get a move on!"

Mewtwo shrugged and followed after his brother, deciding not to tell him about what he just witnessed.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

Falcon and Ganondorf were still standing in front of the house.

…

"You know, he's been gone for a long time now… do you think he had a heart attack?" asked Falcon.

"Don't be ridiculous. He probably got lost inside this place. I mean, look at how huge the mansion is…" said Ganondorf.

The door opened, revealing a different bodyguard this time.

"Master Lichtenstein will see the pair of you now," said the bodyguard.

"Hey, whatever happened to the other guy, the one who answered the door before?" asked Falcon.

"Oh, you mean Joey? He got lost in the mansion and had a heart attack." said the bodyguard.

Ganondorf and Falcon glanced at one another nervously before stepping inside the mansion.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Okay Snake, we're coming up on the fork in the road. All you need to do is-"

"I see the fork in the road up ahead! What do I do?" panicked Snake.

"Calm down, all you need to do is just make a right turn up ahe-"

"WHAT?" screamed Snake, driving recklessly and accidentally grinding the left side of the sports car against the sheer rock wall.

"Damn it Snake, calm down!" yelled Roy. "Take a right turn!"

Snake forced the car to the right and barely made it onto the dirt pathway on the right, taking some of the railing with him.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"So K.K. Slider is just in front of the local train station, you said?" said Mewtwo from behind Lucario, trying to start up a conversation.

"Yes… and if we hurry, _and not talk at all_, then we should be there relatively quick."

Mewtwo got the hint his brother was dropping and stopped talking altogether.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Follow me down this hallway," said the second bodyguard, leading them through the very long hallway.

"So how many bodyguards total does this master Lichtenstein have?" gulped Falcon, sweating profusely.

"There were five of us total, now there's only four of us since Joey died," explained the bodyguard.

"Oh… well that's a relief…" said Ganondorf aloud on accident.

When he noticed the bodyguard looking at him curiously, he added, "A relief… as in a relief that he's dead if you hated… him…?"

The bodyguard just shrugged and opened the door.

Falcon and Ganondorf walked in, the latter carrying the surfboard.

"Welcome to my humble abode, gentlemen. I'm afraid we're going to have to cut this meeting short, I have an appointment with my therapist downtown…" said Lichtenstein, sitting in a chair nearby. "Make yourselves at home."

He beckoned them to a nearby chair, both frat boys sitting down.

Falcon began to prop his feet on the coffee table nearby, but Ganondorf quickly punched him in the arm.

"Yes, well. Me and my partner here want to sell you this… wonderful… surfboard…" said Ganondorf, sounding uncertain.

"Indeed, indeed. Well what does this strange contraption even do?" asked Lichtenstein, prodding the surfboard with his cane.

"It's used for surfing," gasped Falcon, still sweating madly.

"Surfing? I've never heard such a word before. Why don't you show me how one surfs?" asked Lichtenstein.

Ganondorf glanced around the room to spot the four remaining bodyguards; he only counted three.

"Oh yes sir, but you surf on water, you see, so we should probably go outside if we want to show you how it works…" improvised Ganondorf.

"Oh no it's quite fine, just explain how one surfs in this case," decided Lichtenstein. "No need to go outside…"

Falcon jumped out of his seat. "I need to use… bathroom…" he panted.

"Very well then. Lawrence here will show you where the water closet is." Said Lichtenstein.

"No… I need to use… the bathroom…" gasped Falcon, looking ill.

"The water closet _is_ the bathroom," whispered Ganondorf angrily.

"Water closet then." said Falcon, following Lawrence out of the room.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"We're back in town!" smiled Snake.

"And at the cost of our fancy sports car…" sighed Roy, noticing their Corvette was badly damaged beyond repair.

Snake opened his door and stepped out into the sunlight.

"Ah, can you smell that? It smells like the sweet taste of victory," grinned Snake, inhaling deeply.

Roy attempted to open his door but the right side of the car was so badly damaged it got jammed.

"Um… Snake? I think I'm going to need some help…" said Roy, alarmed.

Snake didn't hear his father, and continued inhaling and exhaling deeply.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Oh great… look who it is… the stupid old guy and his socially-retarded son…" noted Lucario.

"Should we just run past them to the train station?" asked Mewtwo.

"No, I have a better idea. Follow my lead." advised Lucario, as he began walking past the father and son and adding very loudly, "So yeah we like totally just aced the last task bro, I can't believe they even made it the last one for us to do…"

"You're lying," hissed Snake, looking around him for a weapon to use.

"And how the hell would you be able to know?" Lucario yelled back. "You don't know where we've been!"

"Um, can someone like help me out here?" queried Roy nervously, still stuck in the ravaged Corvette.

"Actually I do know where you've both been, I planted tracking devices on the pair of you when you were both sleeping and we've been using them as beacons to follow you everywhere," grinned Snake maliciously.

"You're like the biggest douche I've ever met," admitted Mewtwo, unable to keep quiet any longer. "How does it feel to have everyone hate you?"

"Wells can be used to retrieve water." stated Snake calmly.

"What in the hell does that have to do with anything?" argued Mewtwo. "You're a complete idiot!"

"Come on Mewtwo, let's leave these morons and go finish the next task," said Lucario, grabbing his brother by the arm.

"Oh yeah? Well me and my daddy are on the final task!" argued Snake, trying to stall them.

"Hey guys? I'm kind of still stuck right here…" called out Roy anxiously from inside the Corvette.

"Oh yeah? Well me and my bro are done with the final task, we're already on our way to the finish line, _bitches_," said Mewtwo, adding emphasis on the final word.

"I thought you said you were still on the final task!" called out Snake after the twins, who were already some distance away. "Does that mean you lied? Because only losers do that!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Anyways, this surfboard here is guaranteed to repel sharks, and I think squids as well…" improvised Ganondorf.

"Very interesting, very interesting indeed!" smiled Lichtenstein.

Ganondorf glanced out into the backyard and noticed someone unconscious and bleeding, bound to a stake surrounded by fire.

"Why do you have someone tied up in your backyard?" asked Ganondorf.

"Oh, that's just the last chap who tried to sell me a fake door-to-door byproduct," smiled Lichtenstein.

Ganondorf gulped.

"Your friend sure has been gone for a long time now…" noticed Lichtenstein.

"Oh… he must be washing his hands by now…" replied Ganondorf, hoping that what he was saying was true.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Man, those guys are really obnoxious!" said Snake. "Know what I mean?"

"Yeah whatever, just help me out of this car." said Roy agitatedly.

Snake absent-mindedly ripped off the door from its hinges, freeing Roy instantly.

"Those guys are so annoying, I really hope we end up beating them," admitted Snake. "Do you think they were ahead of us?"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"I don't think I can stand those guys for any longer." said Mewtwo viciously, "I'm just glad that after today we'll never have to see them again…"

"Since when did you start despising the father and son?" asked Lucario incredulously.

"The train station." said Mewtwo flatly, pretending he didn't hear his brother.

Lucario glanced further up the roadway, and sure enough, the train station was only a few hundred yards away.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

Falcon walked back in the room with his cousin Ganondorf and Lichtenstein.

"Where is my bodyguard who accompanied you to the bathroom?" questioned Lichtenstein.

"Oh… he um, had like an accident…" said Falcon nervously. "He like… kind of drowned… in the toilet…"

"Drowned?" repeated Lichtenstein. He beckoned the one of the two remaining bodyguards to him. "You go check on Lawrence, report back what happened to him."

"What really happened to him?" whispered Ganondorf.

"Exactly what I told you!" said Falcon, offended. "You think I would actually lie?"

"Well I just thought you would have knocked him out, or drugged him or somethi-"

"I can't believe you'd actually think I would lie!" said Falcon, folding his arms and pouting girlishly.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"So where does this guy live, again?" asked Snake to nobody in particular.

"It doesn't matter where he's living, he's at a restaurant right now." replied Roy.

"Then why don't we just arm his house with explosives and when he walks inside light the whole place on fire?" suggested Snake.

"That's… that's actually a really brilliant idea," said Roy, smiling. "Good quality thinking, Snake!"

"And then we could find his corpse and mount it on our trophy wall when we get home from racing?" added Snake hopefully.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer. On second thought, I will. No, Snake. We will not mount a dead man's corpse on a trophy wall full of animal heads." sighed Roy tiredly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"Okay, so we're at the train station." stated Lucario. "So where's this K.K. Slider dude?"

"Thorough searching there, brother. Well, looks like this is the end of us." said Mewtwo sarcastically.

"Maybe if we search over there…" muttered Lucario to nobody in particular.

"Excellent detective work, Sherlock! Where would we ever be without the likes of you?" spouted Mewtwo frustratedly.

"Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?" asked Lucario. "I barely say anything and you go off on me."

Mewtwo simply turned the other direction, swearing under his breath.

"Are you K.K. Slider?" asked Lucario to a nearby local, sitting on a box with a guitar.

"Indeed I am." grinned K.K. Slider, handing them the next yellow envelope. "Here's your next clue, fellas. Good luck with whatever your next task will be."

"You must now purchase train tickets from the nearby train station and make your way to Smashville Central Park," read Lucario aloud.

"Make your way to Smashville Central Park three miles from here." read Lucario off the clue aloud.

"_Teams now must travel to Smashville Central Park, a good three miles away from the train station! Teams are not allowed to use any other form of transportation apart from walking. Once teams have arrived here, they will find their next clue at the center of the park!" explained Koopa Troopa._

"Please tell me this race is coming to an end sometime soon…" sighed Lucario, exhausted.

"Didn't we pass that place on the way over to here?" wondered Mewtwo, his anger momentarily forgotten as he began jogging.

"Let's go ahead and start running there, if we don't hurry the father and son will catch up, those guys are fast on their feet!" warned Lucario.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Dude, if we don't hurry this up soon we're going to fall behind." whispered Falcon anxiously.

"I'm trying my best bro but we just need to get rid of the one last bodyguard and we'll be able to eliminate him," whispered back Ganondorf.

"Are you two done with your private talk? I wish to purchase the surfboard," called out Lichtenstein from the other room.

They walked back into the room.

"So do we have a deal?" asked Ganondorf as he walked back in.

"Indeed we do, my good man!" said Lichtenstein cheerfully.

"Excellent! All that's left is for you to sign this legality contract." said Ganondorf hastily, pulling out a scroll and unrolling it. "You'll need to sign every five lines or so."

It landed onto the floor and continued unrolling, all the way out the nearby open door.

"Yeah… This might take awhile," admitted Ganondorf.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Where did you say his house was, again?" asked Roy, sitting in the back of a taxi with Snake.

"It's down Lark Avenue on the right." explained Snake. "…And according to this, we're on Lark Avenue right now."

"Take us to this destination!" said Roy, pointing to a certain spot on the map for the taxi driver to see.

"That's the ocean," observed the taxi driver.

Roy moved his finger over Lark Avenue.

The taxi driver revved up the engine and drove off.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

Lichtenstein was still going through the contract, signing every five lines.

"That's strange," said Lichtenstein.

"Yes?" asked Falcon uncertainly.

"There doesn't appear to be any signature markings between the lines…" said Lichtenstein skeptically.

"Did you try… _reading between the lines_?" asked Ganondorf comically.

Nobody laughed at the joke.

"Just keep signing every five lines, otherwise it won't be official." explained Falcon.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Alright, this is the place." observed Roy. "Do you remember the plan?"

"Do I remember the plan?" asked Snake incredulously. "_Do I remember the plan?_ I'm the one who came up with the plan!"

"Alright, calm down. This is what we'll do… walk around the perimeter of the house and measure the width in feet. When you're done with that, rig the place with enough explosives to send the whole place to kingdom come. I'll stay here in the taxi and call him when you're done." explained Roy casually.

"Why are you going to call him?" queried Snake.

"I'm going to tell him there's an emergency at his home, a gas leak or something. So he'll come rushing home only to die a fiery death." continued Roy.

"Excellent," cackled Snake.

"Now step outside and go check out the house!" said Roy.

Snake opened the taxi door and walked out.

Roy noticed the taxi driver had been in the car the entire time.

"Damn it…" cursed Roy. "You didn't hear anything, got it?"

The taxi driver took out his earplugs. "What?"

"You know wha- never mind," said Roy.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"My pen appears to have run out of ink," noticed Lichtenstein.

"Oh… how unfortunate… Maybe I could have my partner here go get you another one?" said Ganondorf, trying not to smile.

"I have one," said the final remaining bodyguard, handing Lichtenstein his pen.

"Thank you Fredrick," said Lichtenstein, accepting the pen graciously.

Falcon and Ganondorf both gulped.

"Just a few more lines to sign…" said Lichtenstein.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Alright dad, I'm walking through the backyard," reported Snake over the walkie-talkie they had conveniently been carrying, and had finally found a purpose for.

"You know what, we don't have time to take an accurate measure of the entire house, just start placing C4." decided Roy. "I can't stop worrying about the fact that those twins seemed so full of themselves, maybe they were telling the truth after all…"

Snake did not respond.

"Snake? Snake? …Snake, are you there?" asked Roy over the radio.

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!1" screamed Snake over the radio, the sound of gunfire echoing over his voice.

"Snake, what the hell are you doing?" asked Roy tiredly.

"A monster straight from the depths of the underworld attacked me! I can't believe I'm still alive after that traumatizi-"

"Let me guess, did it walk on four legs, a tail and a snout?" asked Roy.

"Yes, but I don't see how that has to do with anythi-"

"And was it wearing a collar around the neck?" asked Roy.

"Yeah, but I don't see why that's even rele-"

"You killed the politician's dog." said Roy curtly. "You know what… just stop talking altogether… and plant the damn C4…"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Just two more lines…" said Lichtenstein, scribbling furiously.

"What do we do?" whispered Falcon. "The moment he finishes that contract, he's going to realize that we've duped him and he's going to kill the both of us!"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking!" said Ganondorf urgently.

"Just one more line…" said Lichtenstein, scribbling furiously.

"I guess this is where we die…" said Ganondorf.

"And what's even more sad is we didn't win the million dollars," added Falcon.

"And I believe that covers all the expenses," said Lichtenstein, handing them 200 dollars.

He looked down at the title of the contract.

"Wait a second… this isn't a legality contract… it's a funeral bill…" noticed Lichtenstein.

Falcon and Ganondorf looked at each other.

"And it says that the funeral is for me?" noticed Lichtenstein.

Falcon and Ganondorf looked at the surfboard on the table.

"But I haven't died yet…" said Lichtenstein.

Falcon grabbed the surfboard off of the table and began beating the old politician over the head with it repeatedly.

Ganondorf ran to the nearby kitchen in search of a kitchen knife.

The only remaining bodyguard, Fredrick, just stood there watching in shock as Falcon continued to beat the politician with the surfboard.

Ganondorf failed to find a knife, and instead found a spork, which he began to use to stab Lichtenstein.

Fredrick took out his gun and shot Lichtenstein in the forehead.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Completed Detour_

"Why… in the hell did you just shoot him?" asked Ganondorf and Falcon.

"I'm an undercover agent for the FBI, Lichtenstein has been working hand in hand with some underground thugs and had a major part in smuggling in thousands of kilos of cocaine." explained Fredrick. "We've had planned on assassinating him for a long time, so we decided it would be best if-"

"You must now find K.K. Slider at the local train station!" read Ganondorf off of the clue, unaware that Fredrick had still been talking.

Ganondorf ran out of the room.

"But wait… why didn't you just kill Lichtenstein when it was just the four of us in the room?" asked Falcon, covered in the victim's blood.

"Well I thought you guys would have wanted your moneys' worth so I thought I'd let him pay the both of you first…" shrugged Fredrick.

"But… but we could left this place like over half an hour ago!" sputtered Falcon.

Fredrick shrugged carelessly.

_Roy and Snake  
On Assassination Shoot-Up_

"Excuse me, mister Edwin Shanglebobber? This is the police. We have reason to believe that you are under immediate danger." said Roy ominously over the phone. "You are to return home immediately and await our arrival.

"Gosh, that sounds serious. I'll be sure to head on home immediately!" said Edwin. "I'm on my way right now!"

Roy cackled evilly as Edwin hung up the phone.

"Snake, are you there? Shanglebobber is on his way, he should be here any second now. You need to finish planting the C4 around the house and make your way back here!" explained Roy.

"Understood. I'm planting the last of it as we speak." replied Snake.

Edwin's car pulled up in front of the house.

"What the hell? How did he get here so fast?" wondered Roy angrily, dialing up Edwin's number.

When he picked up the phone, Roy yelled, "How are you already at your home, you idiot! You weren't supposed to get back home for another five minutes!"

"I'm-I'm s-s-sorry sir, bu-but I was p-p-parked next door and I-I thought you s-said to return home immediately…" stuttered Edwin.

"You know what, forget I ever called. Just walk inside your home and have a nice cup of coffee." sighed Roy, hanging up the phone before Edwin had a chance to respond.

Snake walked out the front door of the home at the same time Edwin was walking in; needlessly to say, it didn't end very well.

_Roy and Snake  
Completed Detour_

Snake stepped back into the taxi, covered in Edwin's blood.

"Could you have made that murder any messier?" asked Roy.

To answer Roy's question, Snake began firing at the dead body with a scoped rifle as they began driving away from the house.

"You must now find K.K. Slider at the local train station," read Roy aloud.

Snake took out the detonator and pushed the button, blowing up the house.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"We're finally here, after all that running!" panted Mewtwo, stumbling over to the clue box and pulling out the yellow envelope containing the clue.

"Your wits and observation will be tested here," read Mewtwo aloud as he ripped open the clue.

"_On this __**final task**__, teams must participate in a memory game which will test their observations involving the past eleven legs!" explained Koopa, standing in front of three boards. "Teams will be assigned to one of three boards with eleven empty spaces, each corresponding to each leg of the race. They must fill in each space depending on the task symbol within the space for that leg, the symbol varying from that legs' roadblock, detour, pit stop or the team eliminated that was eliminated on that leg. The pictures they will need to use will be hung around the entire park. Once teams have filled out all eleven empty spaces correctly, they will be given the final clue, which will lead them… to the finish line!" _

"This is it, baby brother! Everything we've ever worked towards!" said Lucario, a wild look in his eye. "We can't screw up, not now, not after everything we've been working towards!"

"Let's find out which board is ours!" said Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"We have to hurry and find this K.K. Slider dude," sighed Ganondorf. "The finish line has to be very, very close by."

"Roger that." said Falcon. "There's our sports car, let's get inside and get out of here."

"I agree. And don't call me Roger." said Ganondorf as they hopped inside.

An old laugh track from the nineties played.

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"What's the name of the guy we have to find, again?" queried Snake, reloading his sniper rifle.

"K.K. Slider, he's in front of the-"

"No time, good man! We have to make a move on if we wish to win this race!" said Snake in a fake, charming British accent.

"To the train station," said Roy to the taxi driver.

They drove off, leaving behind them a crater which had used to be Edwin's home.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
0/11 Complete_

"What do we have to do, again?" asked Mewtwo curiously.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Were you listening at all when I was talking earlier?" flared up Lucario, venting his frustrations on Mewtwo.

"Okay, okay, calm down man. We need to find our board first, right?" said Mewtwo. "So which one would ours be?"

"It's the one with our name and picture on the top," pointed out Lucario cynically, already standing next to their board.

"Oh. Alright then." said Mewtwo. "Let's peel off the first number."

He used his psychic powers to psychokinetically rip off the cover of the first leg, revealing a pit stop symbol.

"That means we need to remember what the pit stop was for the first leg!" said Lucario frantically. "We need to think!"

"If we remember what place we went to on the first leg, which would help us a lot." said Mewtwo. "Now where did we go on the first leg?"

"Damn it, Mewtwo! We went to Delfino Island! How in the hell can you not remember something as simple as that?!" screamed Lucario, starting to freak out.

"Okay, just calm down Lucario, we need to keep calm if we're going to win this race…" said Mewtwo quietly, trying to calm his brother. "You look over there, and I'll look in this direc-"

Lucario stormed off in the opposite direction of which Mewtwo had been pointing.

Mewtwo glanced over at a nearby post, hanging from it a picture of Fox's Home.

"That can't be it… We went to Corneria on leg five…" muttered Mewtwo. "…Or was it six?"

_Roy and Snake  
Father and Son_

"K.K. Slider, right?" asked Roy to the dog with the guitar.

"That's me alright. Here's your next clue, and good luck with winning the race!" said K.K. Slider, handing them the next clue.

"Make your way to Smashville Central Park three miles from here, you are not allowed to use any form of transportation apart from walking!" read Roy aloud.

"So we can't use that taxi we've been driving in anymore?" wondered Snake.

"That's right," confirmed Roy to his son.

Snake pulled out a detonator and triggered it, blowing up the taxi they had been using for most of the latter half of the leg, killing the taxi driver instantly.

Roy ignored his son and began jogging back the way they had come, his son following slowly behind him.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
0/11 Completed_

"Hey… are we like, allowed to peel off numbers for the other legs if we can't figure out the one we're currently on?" asked Mewtwo to the nearby task supervisor.

"I'm sorry, that isn't allowed." replied the task supervisor.

"Oh well, it was worth a try." shrugged Mewtwo, turning back to his team's board.

As he began making his way back to the team board, he accidentally walked straight into a pole.

"Man, that hurts." said Mewtwo. He took a closer look at the picture on the pole, and noticed it was Sirenna Beach Hotel. "I think I've just found the first answer."

He used his psychic abilities to rip the picture off and paste it onto his teams' board.

_1/11 Completed_

"One down, ten more to go." smirked Mewtwo.

He telekinetically communicated with Lucario, "I've found the first one. We now need to look for...-" he ripped off the next sticker, revealing the team eliminated symbol. "-…The team eliminated on the second leg!"

"And who the hell would that be?" thought Lucario angrily.

"It has to be either those dumb flight attendants or the apes, I never saw either of those teams apart from the starting line on the first leg…" sighed Mewtwo.

"I guess we should both look for pictures of both those teams," thought Lucario resignedly, more to himself than Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"There's K.K. Slider!" said Falcon excitedly, pointing ahead towards the train station.

"Good eye, Falcon!" complimented Ganondorf, parking the sports car in a nearby parking space.

While Ganondorf was shutting down the Ferrari, Falcon walked up to K.K. Slider to accept the next clue.

"Here's your next clue, good luck with the race!" smiled K.K. Slider.

Falcon took the clue and ripped it open.

"Make your way to Smashville Central Park three miles from here… You are not allowed to use any form of transportation apart from walking?!" read Falcon incredulously.

When Ganondorf walked up, Falcon handed him the clue. "Get a load of this."

"Make your way to Smashville Central… three miles… not allowed to use any form of transportation?!" read Ganondorf. "Then how the heck are we supposed to get there really quick then?"

The two frat boys pondered this for a minute.

"Okay… so we're not allowed to drive there, right?" said Ganondorf.

"Well… yeah." admitted Falcon. "What about it?"

"Why don't we… why don't we just pay some guy to like drive our Ferrari over to Smashville Central Park while we jog over there? That way when we finish whatever the next task is we still have our sports car right there for us to drive away in?" suggested Ganondorf.

"That's a genius idea!" smiled Falcon. "But who could we bribe to drive our car over there safely?"

"I don't know, let's just pay some nearby local to do that for us." said Ganondorf. "Hey! Hey, you! Come here for a second!"

"You mean me?" said the seagull timidly as he walked up to the frat boys.

"Yeah, we're talking to you. What's your name?" asked Falcon.

"Um… it's Gulliver," said the seagull. "I'm Gulliver the traveler."

"Yeah, we need to ask a favor from you. Can you take our Ferrari here, and take it to Smashville Central Pa- You do know where Smashville Central is, right?" questioned Ganondorf.

"Well… yeah…" said the seagull.

"Okay. Take our Ferrari to Smashville Central Park, and park it somewhere nearby. We'll be heading over there soon. We need to do something there, but we can't take our car with us directly there." explained Ganondorf. "And dude, we'll even pay you if you help us out.

"Oh… okay, I'll do It." said Gulliver. "You guys seem nice, so I'll help you out."

"Thanks man, you have no idea how helpful this is going to be. Here's 150 bucks, we'll give you another fifty when we meet you again with our car at the Central Park. Okay?" said Falcon, handing Gulliver the 150 bucks they obtained from the late Lichtenstein.

"Okay. So you'll be there at the park in a little while?" estimated Gulliver.

"Yes, just wait for us there. We should be there in fifteen minutes or so." said Ganondorf.

Gulliver started up the Ferrari's engine and drove off, towards the direction of the park.

"You know man," began Falcon as he and his cousin watched Gulliver drive off with their car, "I hope we just made the right decision…"

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
1/11 Completed_

It had been ten minutes since they had been here, and they still had only one of the eleven slots filled in.

"Have you happened to find either one of the pictures?" queried Mewtwo to his brother, this time by his actual voice.

"No, I haven't seen any team pictures ye- Never mind, just found Fox and Wolf's…" replied Lucario.

Mewtwo turned away, absent-mindedly wondering where the other two teams were, if they were even back in the town. Just as the thought of the father and son crossed his mind, he saw them running across the field towards him and the clue.

"Son of a bitch!" yelled Mewtwo, immediately remembering the task at hand and looking desperately around for a picture of one of the two teams.

"Heads up, we got company," telecommunicated Mewtwo savagely to his brother.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"We beat the frats here!" smiled Roy menacingly, looking behind them to see the frats a good hundred yards away, running towards them. "That one frat guy, Ganondorf, he doesn't seem to be in the best shape…"

Snake opened the next clue. "Your wits and memory will be tested here. On this _final task_… this is it, dad! The final stretch!"

"What does it say?" asked Roy, glancing back at the frats, who were closing in on them fast.

"It's just a memory task, we need to match each symbol on the board with what we did for that leg!" explained Snake.

They ran over to their board to begin the final task.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place_

"The other two teams are already here…" said Falcon as he reached the cluebox. Surveying the park, he drew the last clue. "In this final task, your wits and memory will be tested here!"

Ganondorf finally staggered to the cluebox, using it as support as he panted tiredly.

"What… what next…" he breathed. "Please tell me… we're close to the end…"

"We're on the final task!" said Falcon cheerfully, waving the clue for him to see.

"What! Really?" he said with surprise. When he noticed the other teams, his grin faded away. "The other two teams are already here though…"

"Yeah, but the father and son just got here. They barely beat us here in that footrace remember?" reminded Falcon. "We still have our chance to win!"

They jogged over to their board and peeled back the first leg space, revealing the pit stop symbol.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
1/11 Completed_

"Damn it all, the others are already here… and so fast!" cursed Lucario, swearing explicitly under his breath.

"I'm making my way back to you, did you find one of the two team symbols we needed to find?" telecommunicated Mewtwo.

"No I didn't." said Lucario gruffly.

"Well lucky for us both, it just so happens that I did." said Mewtwo from behind. Lucario turned around, and his brother showed him the picture of the flight attendants, Falco and Samus.

Mewtwo pasted it onto the board.

_2/11 Completed  
(One symbol correct)_

A high-pitched string noise played, indicating that they made the wrong decision.

"I think that was the right team," said Mewtwo, smiling. "Now we're definitely ahead of the curve!"

_Roy and Snake  
0/11 Completed_

Snake pulled off the first leg sticker, revealing the pit stop symbol.

"That's gonna be Sirenna Beach Hotel, from Delfino Island…" reminded Roy. "I'll look near our team board, go check over by the twins' board. While you're at it, see how far along they are."

"Would this be Sirenna Beach Hotel?" asked Snake, holding up a picture of Yoshi's Island.

"No." said Roy angrily.

"Would this be Sirenna Beach Hotel?" asked Snake, holding up a picture of Dream Land.

"No." said Roy angrily. "That's not even an island!"

"Would this be Sirenna Beach Hotel?" asked Snake, holding up a picture of Fox and Wolf.

"…" said Roy. Angrily.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
0/11 Completed_

"Look for the pit stop of the first leg, it should be a place from that one tropical island we visited!" explained Ganondorf.

When Ganondorf walked away, Falcon thought about what he had said.

"A tropical island… Oh, he must mean Yoshi's Island. So he must mean the Southeast Beachside," smirked Falcon, pasting the picture on the first space.

_1/11 Completed  
(No symbols correct)_

A high-pitched string noise played, indicating that they made the wrong decision.

"This task is going to be such a breeze!" laughed Falcon to himself.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2/11 Completed_

"Any idea on the progress of the other two teams?" asked Mewtwo to his brother.

"Well they haven't really started yet, as far as I can tell." responded Lucario, looking a little crossed between frustrated and paranoid.

"We're now looking for the detour for leg three." explained Mewtwo.

"I have all the detours right here." said Lucario, showing him all of the past legs' detours.

"When did you have time to…? Oh, never mind. We went to Tallon IV on the third leg so look for something involving that empty deserted place…" said Mewtwo.

Lucario pulled out the detour card, showing the detour Swim with the Fishies or Hunt for the Beasties.

"That was for Yoshi's Island, we need the one for Tallon IV." reminded Mewtwo.

Lucario pulled out another detour card, this time it was Shoot it or Wrestle it.

"That's the one," reminisced Mewtwo. "We had to shoot some drone or fight a freakishly huge beetle. Too bad we had to come second on that leg to the father and son…"

Lucario threw it in the air, and Mewtwo telekinetically grabbed it with his mind, and pasted it into the third space.

_3/11 Completed  
(Two symbols correct)_

"We're speeding right through this!" said Lucario, his fear and anger momentarily forgotten.

Mewtwo peeled back the fourth space with his mind, revealing a second detour symbol.

"Look through those stickers you picked up again, we need to find that one detour with the Kidnapping Peach and Rescuing Peach…" remembered Mewtwo. "You know, that task was actually pretty fun…"

"Here it is, I've found it!" said Lucario, pulling out the detour picture for leg four.

Mewtwo pasted it onto their team board.

"Yeah, that seems to look right," muttered Mewtwo to himself.

_4/11 Completed  
(Three symbols correct)_

"Hey stupid, quit wasting our time and unveil the leg five symbol already!" yelled Lucario, his anger flaring up again.

"There's the charm," said Mewtwo cynically, smirking.

_Roy and Snake  
0/11 Completed_

"Why can't we find just one simple symbol?" asked Snake incredulously.

Roy walked up to him, asking, "What was the symbol for leg one again?"

"It was the pit stop. Did you find it yet?" inquired Snake.

"No, but I think I have an idea. Let's just gather everything that we know is from Delfino Island and then we'll have the pit stop symbol by then?" suggested Roy.

"That's going to take too long!" urged Snake. "Let's just copy from the other teams!"

"You'll receive a three-hour penalty upon cheating," said a nearby race supervisor.

"Damn it! Just keep searching, something will turn up sooner or later!" yelled Snake angrily, storming off in the opposite direction.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
1/11 Completed_

"We're looking for who was eliminated on leg two." explained Ganondorf.

"Hey weren't those two nice apes we met early on in the race eliminated on like leg two or something? They weren't in that footrace we participated in on leg three…" remembered Falcon.

"You're right, they must have gotten knocked out of the race by the second leg!" added Ganondorf. "Look for their symbol, it must be close!"

Falcon looked in the nearby vicinity, and saw it a few feet away.

"Here it is," he called out, striding over to it, ripping it off, and handing it to his cousin.

_2/11 Completed  
(One symbol correct)_

Ganondorf peeled off the next one and revealed the detour symbol.

"Now we need to look for the detour we did on leg three! But… where did we go to again on leg three?" asked Ganondorf.

The frat boys thought about this for a moment.

"That's right, we must have gone to Tazmily Village on that leg," said Ganondorf.

They took the picture of Enforce the Law and Break the Law and pasted it onto their team board, smiling proudly.

_3/11 Completed  
(One symbol correct)_

A high-pitched string noise played, indicating that they made the wrong decision.

"Now for leg number four…" said Falcon happily.

Ganondorf peeled off the cover, revealing another detour symbol.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
4/11 Completed_

"The others seem to be catching up…" said Lucario breathlessly, starting to hyperventilate.

"Calm yourself, they probably rushed through the task and got some of them wrong." placated Mewtwo, knowing his brother was on the verge of going berserk. "The next thing we need to look for is the pit stop for the fifth leg, which was Corneria… which would mean…"

He teleported to where he had run into the pole earlier on, grabbed the sticker representing Fox's House, teleported to the top of the board and stuck it on the board.

_5/11 Completed  
(Four symbols correct)_

He peeled off the sixth leg covering, which revealed the roadblock symbol.

"Where did we go for leg six, again?" wondered Mewtwo absent-mindedly, as he floated next to the board.

Lucario enviously watched his brother float in the air.

"That's right, we had went to the Great Sea… Toon Link's homeland." remembered Mewtwo, talking to himself.

He began searching for the leg six roadblock from above, floating a few feet above the air.

_Roy and Snake  
0/11 Completed_

Snake watched the twins from behind a nearby tree, Mewtwo floating above, lost in thought, and his older brother Lucario watching the former enviously from the ground.

"Maybe we can't cheat… but they never said I couldn't steal from the twins' pile of symbols…" said Snake menacingly. "But how could I get to the stamps without seeing what they already have on their board?"

He pondered this for a moment, and then a cartoonish light bulb appeared directly over his head.

He covered his eyes with one hand and ran forward to where their pile of symbols were, grabbed a bunch of them with his free hand, and began running back to his board.

"Wahaha, foiled again you stupid psychic freaks! Looks like Sneaky Snake has once again outwitte-"

Snake ran straight into a tree.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
3/11 Completed_

"Did you find the Kidnap or Rescue picture yet?" asked Ganondorf.

"Nah brokowski, I'm still having trouble." sighed Falcon.

"Where do you come up with all these bro-terms?" said Ganondorf.

"I hear lucid dreaming helps with that," replied Falcon.

"Um… wait, what?" said Ganondorf.

"I have nightmares of teen pregnancy," admitted Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
5/11 Completed_

"We're almost halfway through, let's keep at it." said Mewtwo, upon finding the picture of the pigs on Outset Island, the roadblock symbol for leg six.

He pasted it onto the board, while at the same time peeling away the leg seven covering, all with his mind.

Lucario continued to stare enviously at his younger brother perform such spectacular feats that he himself could not do.

_6/11 Completed_  
_(Five symbols correct)_

"Would you mind helping me out a little here?" asked Mewtwo to his brother. "We need to find the detour symbol for leg seven…"

Lucario grunted angrily and began shifting through the pile of symbols they already had.

"We went to Tazmily Island for the seventh le-"

"SHUT UP I ALREADY KNOW!" yelled Lucario irritably, flinging one of the metallic symbol covers at his brother.

Mewtwo moved to one side and caught it.

"Let me know when you find it." said Mewtwo, teleporting away.

Lucario angrily slumped against the nearby oak tree.

"I swear, when we win that million dollars, I'm going to disown him." muttered Lucario mutinously.

He kicked his backpack a good distance away.

_Roy and Snake  
1/11 Completed_

"What team got eliminated on leg two?" asked Snake to his father.

"That's a hard question, we were in the front for most of the first half of the race…" admitted Roy. "It had to have been either the apes or those bloodsucking lawyers."

"It was definitely the lawyers," smirked Snake, placing Link and Yoshi in the second slot.

_2/11 Complete  
(One symbol correct)_

"Yeah, I'm a hundred percent positive that's right…" said Snake, staring at the board.

"Actually, change that. I think it was the apes." said Roy.

"Whatever you say…" said Snake nervously, swapping the pictures.

_2/11 Complete_

"I think I saw the lawyers get eliminated later in the race," reminisced Roy.

"Now that I think about it, I guess you're right." agreed Snake lazily, impaling an insect with his hunting knife.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
4/11 Completed_

"Check that pole over there, the one with the dent in it." pointed out Ganondorf.

Falcon walked over to the pole, and glanced at the picture.

"Nah, it's just Roy and Snake's picture…" said Falcon, sighing.

"How do you think the others are holding up?" queried Ganondorf.

Falcon looked over at Lucario, who was breaking everything within range of him, and then over to Snake, who was dismembering every living thing around him.

"I'm thinking that if we don't get a move on really soon and cross that finish line before the other guys do then we're in for a nasty surprise," predicted Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
7/11 Completed_

"What team was eliminated on leg eight?" asked Mewtwo to his brother.

He glanced down below, and saw that his brother was still destroying everything he could in his rage.

"Oh, that's right. You're too busy breaking everything apart. Oh well." shrugged Mewtwo. "I'm guessing it was either Link and Yoshi, or Ness and his imaginary friend."

He teleported away to look for pictures of both teams.

_Roy and Snake  
2/11 Complete_

"On the third leg we had gone to Tallon IV…" thought aloud Roy. "And the detour had been fighting a robot drone or killing some bug."

"Wrestle it or Shoot it?" ventured Snake hopefully.

"Yeah, that's the one." said Roy. He found the respective image and placed it onto the board.

_3/11 Complete_

Snake peeled back the fourth covering, revealing the detour symbol.

"Three down and only nine more to go." said Snake.

"What we need to be looking for is the detour from Mushroom Kingdom…" explained Roy to his son.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
4/11 Complete_

"I found the picture for Fox's house," said Ganondorf. He showed his cousin the picture.

"Good job, Brawrence!" smiled Falcon. "I knew I could count on you!"

…

"That one was really, really lame," admitted Ganondorf, sticking the picture on the board.

_5/11 Complete  
(Three symbols correct)_

"Yeah, I know." sighed Falcon. "It's hard to come up with good material after a long amount of time…"  
_  
_

_Smashville Central Park  
6:30 PM_

A shot of the sun starting to set showed on the screen, followed by a sped-up shot of the three teams moving about across the park, looking for the pictures they required.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
10/11 Completed  
(Nine symbols correct)_

"Just one more to look for, and we'll be home free." Mewtwo told his brother.

"Fine then. What symbol is it?" asked Lucario, as Mewtwo lifted the final cover.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," laughed Mewtwo. "This is _too_ easy…"

"What, what is it?" asked Lucario, his curiosity momentarily piqued.

"Team eliminated. Ergo, we need the Toon Link and Jigglypuff picture." smiled Mewtwo.

"I actually know where that one is." sighed Lucario. "But it's not going to be easy…"

He glanced over towards the father and son, where the High School student's picture was located.

"This is going to be tricky," lamented Mewtwo.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
9/11 Completed  
(Six symbols correct)_

"Two more to go and we can make a run for the finish line." said Ganondorf.

"Okay, but what's the leg ten symbol?" asked Falcon.

"The roadblock," responded Ganondorf.

"I remember that… that was when we had to make a commercial with that one guy, Quinn McIntosh." smiled Falcon.

"And then he went on the lam afterwards." remembered Ganondorf.

"Yeah, that was kind of your fault." said Falcon. "But anyways, let's look around for the picture with Quinn and the TV studio…"

Falcon and Ganondorf spread out and searched for the picture they had previously described.

_Roy and Snake  
9/11 Completed  
(Seven symbols correct)_

Snake peeled back the leg ten cover.

"Roadblock, we're looking for a roadblock." explained Snake. "We went to Dream Land. Maybe we should look for something involving Waddle Dees or something."

"Maybe we should check another team's board before we do anything else," observed Roy. "…Now that I think about it, how did this never occur to us before?"

"They'll give us a three-hour penalty if we do that." said Snake.

"Wait… I thought there were no penalties this leg!" said Roy angrily.

"That's what I was saying!" agreed Snake angrily.

"No it wasn't, all you did was storm off angrily and break a pole over your knee." replied the same race supervisor from before.

Snake resisted the urge to kill the man, in case of receiving yet another penalty.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
10/11 Completed_

"Well, what are we going to do now, mister super genius?" chastised Lucario angrily to his brother, "What super smart plan have you come up with this time?"

Mewtwo teleported over to the pole with the student picture while Snake was too busy yelling at the race supervisor, took the picture, teleported back to his team board, and pasted it into the slot.

"Looks like we're finished!" said Mewtwo, trying to change the subject.

_11/11 Completed  
(Ten symbols correct)_

Both twins stared expectantly at the race supervisor.

"You didn't finish the task," he said finally, after they stared for several more seconds.

"What do you mean, we didn't finish the task?" said Lucario, his anger rising.

"You need to have all eleven pictures in all eleven of the correct slots-"

"We already did that," interrupted Lucario annoyedly.

"You have ten pictures in their correct slots. One picture is incorrect." explained the race supervisor.

"What are you talking about? Which one could be wrong?" said Mewtwo, paranoia finally getting the best of him.

"If you have only one slot wrong, it doesn't tell you which one is wrong. If there's more than one wrong however, it will notify you as to which ones are wrong." instructed the race supervisor.

"So we have no way of finding out which one is wrong!" raged Lucario, punching the nearby tree.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
9/11 Completed_

"I've found the picture with Quinn and the TV studio." said Falcon excitedly.

He showed Ganondorf the picture, who took it and posted it onto the team board.

"Ten down and one to go!" said Ganondorf, surveying the ten pictures.

_10/11 Completed  
(Seven symbols correct)_

"And the final symbol is…" Ganondorf said dramatically, peeling back the last covering, "…Team eliminated! That means we should be looking for Toon Link and Jigglypuff's picture."

"I think I saw that one over there." acknowledged Falcon. He pointed to where Roy and Snake's team board was.

Both frats stared over at the other rivaling team.

"Rock, paper, scissors, best out of three?" suggested Ganondorf. "Loser has to go get the symbol?"

"Agreed." said Falcon, holding out his fist.

_Roy and Snake  
10/11 Completed_

"That looks right." said Roy, peering at the picture he had pasted, which showed a horde of Waddle Dees.

"Yeah, I agree with you." concurred Snake, also gazing at the picture.

_(Seven symbols correct)_

"The final symbol is the team eliminated…" noted Roy, as he peeled off the last covering.

"Who was eliminated on the eleventh leg?" wondered Snake, scratching his beard.

"Who do you think?" responded Roy cynically. "…It was the students!"

"You mean Toon Link and Jigglypuff?" said Snake, shocked. "But… I thought they were still racing with us!"

"What are you talking about? We U-Turned them last leg, back in January! How would they still be racing after that?" asked Roy.

"I don't know… It's just really hard to imagine that they're actually gone…" said Snake with a strange expression on his face.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
11/11 Completed_

Both of the twins stood still, staring at the board.

"Which… which one could possibly be wrong? This is so frustrating!" started up Lucario, his anger resurfacing.

Mewtwo placated him, "Seriously, calm down. If we think about this in a calm and collective manner, we should be able to-"

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down! We can't figure out which one of them is wrong so we're forced to stay right here and let the others have that golden opportunity to catch up!" spouted Lucario, his frustrations revealed.

Mewtwo thought about this for a moment, then said, "I think I have an id-"

"You think you have a what?" demanded Lucario.

"As I was saying, I think I have an idea on how to fix our little dilemma," smiled Mewtwo, his purple eyes gleaming.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
11/11 Completed_

"We have all of them in their respective slots," said Falcon. "Do we get our clue?"

A buzzer sound played, and three bright lights appeared above three of their pictures: legs one, three and eight.

"We seem to have made a few mistakes here and there." admitted Falcon. "Nothing we can't handle, though!"

Ganondorf looked closer at the three pictures they had gotten wrong.

"Falcon, we had went to Delfino Island on the first leg… not Yoshi's Island." explained Ganondorf, switching the wrong picture with the right one.

"My bad," said Falcon.

_(Nine symbols correct)_

Ganondorf looked at the third picture, and looked at his notes.

"We didn't go to Tazmily Island until leg seven, Falcon." explained Ganondorf.

"I didn't get that one wrong," observed Falcon.

"Oh, that must have been me then. My bad." admitted Ganondorf.

He switched the wrong picture with the right one, the picture of the robot drone and the beetle.

_(Ten symbols correct)_

"Falcon, how did you get this one wrong?" asked Ganondorf, pointing at the leg eight picture. "You put down Fox and Wolf as the team eliminated on the eighth leg…"

"I thought, you know, maybe it would have been a good placeholder for the time being," said Falcon nervously.

_Roy and Snake  
11/11 Complete_

"We've finished with filling all the spaces," Roy told the camera joyously.

A buzzer sound played, and three bright lights appeared above three of their pictures: legs six, eight and ten.

"How could we have gotten three wrong?" said Roy, offended.

Snake looked at the three they had gotten wrong.

"I can't believe all three of these are wrong… They had looked right to me…" muttered Snake. "I was so sure the leg six roadblock was the nuclear meltdown task… and I was convinced the leg ten roadblock was the vehicular manslaughter task."

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
11/11 Completed_

"What do you mean, you have an idea?" asked Lucario angrily.

"Give me a second and I'll show you." said Mewtwo, smiling menacingly. He turned to the race supervisor and asked, "You said if you have more than one wrong, it'll appear on the board, right?"

"That's correct…" nodded the supervisor.

Mewtwo teleported to the top of the board, and switched out the correct leg four picture with a wrong one.

Lucario jumped up and raised his arms, "What the hell do you think you're doi-"

Mewtwo held up a hand and called to the race supervisor, "We're finished here!"

Immediately, a buzzer sound played, and two bright lights appeared over two of their pictures, the leg four picture and the leg two picture.

"I have to admit," said Lucario, finally understanding what he did, "That was pretty badass."

"So that's what was wrong… it was the second leg, the one we could never figure out if it was the apes or the flight attendants!" gasped Mewtwo.

He switched around the wrong leg four picture with the right one.

"We just need to find the picture with those two apes!" called out Mewtwo to his brother. "We can leave as soon as we find that one last picture!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
11/11 Completed_

"Which would mean that…" said Ganondorf, lifting the last incorrect picture.

_Roy and Snake  
11/11 Completed_

"And I thought I was right when I put the team eliminated for leg eight as Mario and Sonic…" said Snake tiredly.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Currently in 1__st__ Place_

"I found it, it's over here!" called out Lucario from across the park.

"Throw it to me, I'll paste it onto the board!" yelled Mewtwo, floating next to the said board.

Falcon, Roy, Snake and Ganondorf all looked onward in horror as Lucario threw the last picture as if it were a Frisbee across the park to Mewtwo, who psychokinetically caught it and pasted it into place.

"Here's your next clue," said the race supervisor. "Good luck."

"Having completed the final task, you may now make your way to the finish line, the Smashville Liberty Mall!" read Mewtwo excitedly.

"_Having completed __**all tasks**__ in the entire race, teams must now travel to the final destination of the race, the local Smashville Liberty Mall, where the finish line will be awaiting them! The mall is just across the street from the park, however, they must travel through the entire mall to the dead center in the food court, where they will see the finish line directly in front of them! The first team to cross the finish line will win the __**one million dollars**__!" explained Koopa Troopa._

"This is it! Run like hell!" yelled Lucario, as he and Mewtwo sprinted across the open field of the park towards the mall's front entrance.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Currently in 2__nd__ Place_

"Which would make the team eliminated on leg eight not Mario and Sonic, but actually Link and Yoshi." said Ganondorf, accepting the last clue.

"Make your way to the finish line, Smashville Liberty mall!" read Ganondorf aloud.

"We can still catch up to the frats if we start running right no-"

Ganondorf stopped in mid-flight, tripping up himself and his cousin.

"The Ferrari!" remembered Ganondorf.

"Ah, yes, the Ferrari… wait, what about the Ferrari?" asked Falcon.

"We can use it to get there faster than those guys!" said Ganondorf. "I don't have time to explain, let's just go!"

They ran for the Ferrari, parked only a hundred yards away from their location.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Don't stop running… for anything!" commanded Lucario. "We're so close, We're so close to winning the million and coming out on top I can see it in my mind's eye!"

Mewtwo rolled his eyes as he sprinted alongside his brother, the pair of them entering the entrance of the mall.

"The others must not be anywhere near finishing the task," mused Mewtwo, looking behind them.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

Falcon and Ganondorf wordlessly hopped into their Ferrari, but not before throwing Gulliver the extra 50 bucks.

"Thanks for everything man, you've been a real life saver!" complimented Falcon hurriedly. "Start the car already!"

"I am, I'm trying but the engine is not starting up!" complained Ganondorf, repeatedly starting up the engine.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Don't stop running, don't stop running!" breathed Lucario, excitement getting the best of him.

"Can you please calm down?" asked Mewtwo nicely.

They ran past several food stores, knocking several people over.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"Do you think we'll be able to catch up to them?" asked Falcon.

"Not if we use the front entrance," admitted Ganondorf. "We'll have to take the side entrance!"

They drove onto the street with oncoming traffic, barely missed hitting several cars, and drove onto the side parking lot of the mall.

_Roy and Snake  
Currently in Last Place_

"We're in last, Solid Snake! How dare you let the enemy get ahead of us?" cursed Roy angrily.

Snake took the last clue and opened it.

"Make your way to the finish line, Smashville Liberty mall!" he read aloud.

They immediately began sprinting wordlessly for the mall, completely oblivious to oncoming traffic on the road separating the park and the mall.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"Hah hah yes, we're finally going to win and I can finally disown ever having a stupid brother like you!" cackled Lucario evilly.

"What?" asked Mewtwo, stopping just short. "What do you mean, disowning your brother?"

Lucario pretended not to hear him, and kept sprinting, leaping over a bench.

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

Ganondorf had a clear shot of the glass door side entrance.

"Are there any people? Do you see any people blocking the entrance?" queried Ganondorf to Falcon.

"This is way too risky, let's not do this…" lamented Falcon.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"I'm really tired," said Mewtwo. "There's nobody in sight. Let's slow down a bi-"

"NO!" screamed Lucario. "We can't slow down, not after coming so far! We slow down, we will lose!"

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Fraternity Brothers_

"How are we going to do this?" cried out Falcon nervously. "We're in a car, this a mall!"

Ganondorf smirked. "Exactly! Malls have wide hallways, lots of room for a car like this to be able to maneuver!"

Falcon gulped, as Ganondorf slammed down on the gas pedal, straight towards the glass side door entrance to the mall.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
Twin Brothers_

"We have this… in the bag…" panted Lucario, letting out a laugh.

Mewtwo began slowing his pace behind his brother.

Mewtwo began muttering aloud, "I could've sworn I had seen those frats chasing after us… I wonder what become of the-"

As soon as he had spoken, the Ferrari containing both frat boys burst straight through the make-up department, sending all forms of girly equipment everywhere.

The car slammed into Lucario, with Mewtwo jumping back just in time to avoid being hit as well.

_The Finish Line  
7:07 PM_

Koopa Troopa stood on the finish line in the middle of the emptied food court, along with the other nine eliminated teams.

The Ferrari burst through a stone wall, knocking debris everywhere.

Ganondorf, his vision obscured because of perfume accidentally landing in his eyes, crashed the sports car into a fountain.

Falcon had unwisely not been buckled, and flew straight out the window shield and into the fountain.

"Falcon…" coughed Ganondorf, clutching a head wound as he stumbled out of the car. "Falcon, where are you?"

His cousin's head came out from the fountain spewing water.

Both frats saw the finish line at the same time, and both began limping for the finish line.

"Not so fast, dullard frat boys," coughed Lucario stumbling out from the wreckage, grabbing Ganondorf by his ankle and tripping him up.

"Just go and leave me!" called out Ganondorf to his team mate. He whirled around and punched Lucario in his nose, a horrible cracking noise was heard.

"Jew broke by dose!" screeched Lucario, blood pouring from his nose as he threw punches back at the frat boy.

Mewtwo appeared in the same side entrance the others had come from, panting as he used the nearby wall for support.

Falcon stumbled onto the finish line, and turned to watch his cousin with the other former racers.

Lucario picked up a piece of stone from the pillar that the car had ripped from the wall, and used it to bludgeon Ganondorf, knocking the frat boy unconscious.

Lucario began limping towards the finish line. Falcon ran off the finish line, and ran straight for Mewtwo.

Mewtwo began working his way through the food court towards the others.

Falcon tackled Lucario, sending both of them into the water fountain.

Ganondorf regained consciousness and crawled for the finish line.

Mewtwo teleported past the wreckage and walked past Ganondorf.

Falcon got up from the water and as he climbed over the wall keeping the water in the fountain, he kicked Lucario right back into the water.

Just before Mewtwo could cross over onto the finish line, a flashbang grenade went off, blinding both Mewtwo and Ganondorf.

Roy and Snake appeared from the perfume department from nearby, both looking very embarrassed with themselves for using such a low-blow shortcut.

Mewtwo stumbled backwards into a chair, falling on his back painfully.

Roy and Snake both began sprinting towards the finish line.

Falcon used his Falcon kick to fly forward, reaching the finish line before the father and son could.

Snake began firing wildly with his AK-47 at Falcon, but missed terribly.

Falcon punched Roy right in his face as he got close to the mat, sending him a few feet back.

Mewtwo regained his vision, and teleported onto the finish line.

Snake cocked a grenade and threw it onto the mat.

Mewtwo telekinetically caught it with his mind and threw it back to him.

Snake dodged the grenade, but unfortunately the stone pillar behind him ruptured from the explosion, covering the soldier in debris.

Roy staggered onto the mat.

"Get over here already!" called out Mewtwo to his brother, who was starting to near the mat.

Ganondorf, who had been sprawled on the ground this whole time, jumped up dropkicked Lucario onto his back.

Roy staggered off the mat, to go help his son out of the debris.

Lucario and Ganondorf rolled on the ground, biting and scratching each other.

While Falcon was distracted, Mewtwo kidney punched him then psychokinetically tossed him off the finish line.

Lucario kicked Ganondorf off of him, and started limping his way towards the finish line.

Roy pulled his son out of the debris, and dusted him off.

"Damn it, Mewtwo, help me here!" yelled out Lucario, as he moved forward. "You useless psycho freak!"

Mewtwo looked irked by the comment, and said nothing in response.

Falcon ran onto the finish line, and collapsed onto the ground, panting.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Help me here!" screamed Lucario, even louder.

Ganondorf picked himself up, and slowly made his way for the finish line.

Snake pulled out a sniper rifle, and quickly began reloading it.

Mewtwo used his psychic powers to prevent Lucario from coming any closer.

"What… what are you doing? I said help me, not hinder me!" screamed Lucario.

Ganondorf walked past Lucario, who was still being immobilized by his brother.

"Mewtwo… what… why are you doing this?!" said Lucario, his paranoia starting to show up.

"You don't deserve to win the million," said Mewtwo savagely, putting an even tighter hold on Lucario's invisible bonds with every word.

Ganondorf walked towards the finish line, which was less than five yards away.

"But… but if I don't win the million dollars, then neither will you!" said Lucario desperately.

"That's fine by me," said Mewtwo with a smile.

Ganondorf crossed the finish line, the eliminated racers gasping.

"SON OF A BITCH!" screamed Lucario in desperation, bursting into tears.

"Seven continents, twelve countries, and more than 100,000 miles…" smiled Koopa.

Everyone looked onward.

"By just two feet…" added Koopa.

Everyone gasped.

"…Falcon and Ganondorf, you are the official winners of the Extra Smashy Amazing Race!" finished Koopa dramatically.

The eliminated teams erupted into a cheer and gave a round of applause.

"I can't believe we actually won!" cheered Falcon, hugging his cousin.

"Dude, this is great, we win the race!" said Ganondorf, smiling.

Mewtwo released Lucario from his invisible bonds, and used his powers to toss him onto the finish line.

"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are team number two!" said Koopa.

"At least we had a good run," shrugged Mewtwo casually.

Lucario was too busy bawling on the finish line to add anything.

Roy and Snake trotted onto the finish line.

"And Roy and Snake, you are team number three!" finished Koopa.

"Team number three?" said Snake, outraged by their placing. "How can we be only team number three?"

"Yes, that's right." said Lucario, smiling through his tears. "While me and my incompetent brother still lost the race, at least I can take pride and comfort in the fact that we still managed to beat you assfu-"

Snake shot him several times.

* * *

**Final Results: **

**Winners!) **Falcon and Ganondorf – Fraternity Brothers

**2nd Place) **Mewtwo and Lucario – Twin Brothers

**3rd Place)** Roy and Snake – Father and Son

**4th Place) **Toon Link and Wigglytuff – High School Students

**5th Place)** Ness and Pikachu - …Best Friends?!

**6th Place)** Link and Yoshi – Lawyers

**7th Place)** Marth and Ike – Altean Swordsmen

**8th Place)** Fox and Wolf – Entrepreneurs

**9th Place)** Kirby's Corpse and King Dedede – Mortal Enemies

**10th Place) **Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong – Uncle and Nephew

**Last Place)** Samus' Corpse and Falco's Corpse – Flight Attendants

* * *

_Post-Race Interviews_

_Falcon and Ganondorf  
Winners_

"We're honored that we were given the privilege to run in this race, and to be able to race these ten other competitive teams," smiled Ganondorf, holding up the prize money with his cousin.

"I'm just glad that I got to run this race with not only my cousin and fellow frat member, but my best friend!" said Falcon with a smile.

Falcon glanced down at his watch and noticed it was already 7:35 PM.

"Oh god, Ganondorf, we need to leave right now if we want to catch that premiere of that Avengers movie!" said Falcon, pointing to his watch.

"You're right, Falcon. Let's get this over with!" said Ganondorf.

They ran up to their battered but still operating sports car, stuffed their prize money in the back seat of the Ferrari, then jumped back in the front seats, driving off into the sunset.

_Mewtwo and Lucario  
2nd_ _Place_

"I can't believe we lost… to the likes of them…" coughed up Lucario, still bleeding profusely.

"Just ignore him, he's been like that since we lost the race." said Mewtwo casually. "I'm glad to have gone on this race because I feel like I've learned to mature as a human being."

Mewtwo thought about this for a moment.

"Also I learned that my brother is not someone you can trust." he added, nodding. "And you know what, I think I'll go and finish law school, now that the race is over."

"This show sucks," lamented Lucario, as he was taken away by the paramedics.

_Roy and Snake  
3rd Place_

"I can't believe we only got in third place after all that effort," sighed Roy. "On the plus side, however, we will be suing the producers in court for under false pretenses of no penalties on the final leg…"

"And at least I got to kill a bunch of people while we got to race!" added Snake, grinning.

"Oh yeah, and when the court session ends and your use of being a prime witness is over, I'll be shipping you straight back to Afghanistan… it's where you belong." said Roy, patting his son on the back.

"I'm glad we got to know each other throughout the race, dad," said Snake, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah that's really touching." said Roy, filling out a form for Snake's foreign country shipment.

_Toon Link and Wigglytuff  
4th Place_

Wigglytuff stood at the front of the camera, Toon Link in the background working with something. Both had just been released by the anti-suicidal watchmen society.

"Well if anything, at least we lasted for eleven legs before we went out, right?" said Wigglytuff casually. "And about my transformation to a Wigglytuff… it's not so bad once you get used to it!"

Toon Link tied a rope to the fan in the recording room, and put the noose around his neck.

"And to be honest, I'm actually going to be looking forward to starting in high school later this month! It should be lots of fun," added Wigglytuff excitedly.

"Goodbye, Stella my love," said Toon Link, kicking the stool and hanging himself.

The producers watched Toon Link's death throes, as Wigglytuff went on obliviously about how much she was looking forward to life outside of the smashy race.

_Ness and Pikachu  
5th Place_

"I don't care that me and Pikachu didn't win the million dollars. It sucks, yeah, but the best part was that my best friend and I got to go on a race… and beat six losers who thought they could do better than us." said Ness.

"Ditto, old buddy! You're always going to be my best friend!" smiled Pikachu to Ness, in the latter's imagination.

"I'm just glad we got to go on this amazing adventure together!" responded Ness. "You know what? I still think there's time for one more adventure!"

Before anyone could say anything further, Ness' mother burst into the room, yelled at Ness for the next three or so minutes, then explained to the camera and production crew that he had, without parental consent, signed up for the race.

She then took him home and grounded him for the rest of his childhood days.

No editing had been involved whatsoever.

_Link and Yoshi  
6th Place_

"Me and Link are in agreement that we are going to go back to being lawyers again when the race was over." explained Yoshi casually to the camera.

"But we also decided that we're also going to be fair and honest with other people in our dealings. We've been too busy ripping off our clients to realize that we should go by the silver rule." said Link somberly.

"The silver rule? What the heck is the silver rule?" asked Koopa Troopa.

"Treat others the way they deserve to be treated." explained Yoshi.

Before anything else could be said further, the local police burst into the recording room, and took Link and Yoshi away to county prison for multiple accounts of fraud and embezzlement.

No editing had been involved whatsoever.

_Marth and Ike  
7th Place_

The recording room was empty, with no sign of Marth or his friend, Ike.

"Where's the swordsmen guys?" asked Koopa Troopa to a nearby production supervisor.

"Oh those guys? I think we left them back in the Great Sea when they couldn't pay for a fare on the way home…" said the supervisor.

"Ah yes, that's right." remembered Koopa, leaning back into his chair.

…

"I guess we should just go onto the next person, then." shrugged Koopa.

_Fox and Wolf  
8th Place_

"Me and Foxie here have a confession to make…" said Wolf girlishly, wearing an excessive amount of makeup.

"Here we go…" said Koopa, rolling his eyes.

"We're both metrosexual," admitted Fox. "And we plan on mo-"

"No surprise there… Wait, what?" asked Koopa. "Metrosexual? I thought you two were…?"

"The very idea!" gasped Wolf immediately, offended. "How dare you assume such a horrid thing! I'll have you know that I have a girlfriend!"

"And me too!" added Fox childishly.

"And who might that be?" asked Koopa, raising an eyebrow.

"Krystal," said Fox and Wolf at the same time.

"What are you talking about? Krystal is _my_ girlfriend," said Fox angrily.

"Are you kidding me? Why would she date someone as ugly as you?" replied Wolf.

They got into a fistfight, with both ending up being escorted out by security.

_Kirby's Corpse and King Dedede  
9th Place_

"It sure is great now that my longtime archrival is dead," grinned King Dedede.

"Yeah, I heard he got shot on live television," responded Koopa, bored with the conversation.

"What are you talking about?" said King Dedede angrily. "I ate him, remember?"

"Whoops, that must've been the season one Kirby that got shot. My bad." said Koopa.

_Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong  
10th Place_

"Me and Diddy Kong are glad to have gone onto this race for-"

"Alright, that's a cut!" said Koopa. "Great work, people!"

"As I was saying, me and Diddy Kong-"

"Somebody get the lights!" said Koopa, as he walked out of the room.

"_As I was saying, me and_-"

The camera was turned off before anything else could be said.

* * *

"Four deceased, one mortally wounded, two jailed and one grounded for life," smirked Koopa triumphantly as he leaned back in the seat later after the final episode had aired. "Not bad odds if you ask me."

"The fanmail should be arriving anytime now," said one Shy Guy producer.

"Not only that, but our reviews are sky-rocketing!" added Koopa. "Our ratings are turning out to be even better than that one show with Crazy Hand and those super heroes!"

"Whatever you say, sir." said the Shy Guy producer stolidly.

"Mail for a Mister Koopa Troopa!" said the delivery man, handing Koopa the letters.

"This is it!" said Koopa triumphantly, ripping open the first letter. "Dear Koopa Troopa, once again you have not disappointed. Season two was even better than the first one. Please promise me you'll have a season three, I'll be looking forward to watching it. Yours truly, Dwight Shanglebobber."

"So do you think we should have a season three?" asked the Shy Guy producer. "The viewers are practically demanding it!"

Before anything else could be said any further, the local police once again burst into the recording room.

"Mister Koopa Troopa, you are under arrest for one count of assisted suicide, two counts of fraud, one count of human rights abuse, and thirteen counts of extortion." said one policeman, placing handcuffs on his wrists.

"You have the right to remain silent," continued the policeman, looking grim. "Looks like you'll be going away for a long time."

On their way out, they closed the door, the Shy Guy producer looking shocked.

"That's just great… how can we have a season three with no host? …Well now what?" he wondered aloud, as the door opened for a second time a few minutes later.

"Hey, is this where I sign up to join that health care program thingy?" asked none other than Quinn McIntosh, appearing in the doorway. "Looks like I'm too late…"

The Shy Guy thought about this for a second, and then gave an evil smile.

"No, you came just in time for the sign in… just in time." said the Shy Guy menacingly.

**THE END**


End file.
